• Published 16th Jun 2018
  • 2,156 Views, 1,145 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 4 - Pregame Bants

As you made your way back to the Cutie Map room, you couldn’t help but feel a little bad over the conversation you had with Twilight. But this was due to the fact that your friendship with her always gets jumbled up with her princess duty bullshit. Sometimes you wish you were brought in before she got the wings, then you wouldn’t have to deal with any kind of official bullshit when it came to her.

When you met with Discord and Spike once again, Spike couldn’t help but ask the obvious question. “So, uhhh, how’d it go?”

“It went fine, no problems here. So, we all ready?” You ask

Both Discord and Spike were more than ready to go at this point. But Spike still had some reservations on what went on with your and Twilight. “So, like, nothing bad happened? At all?”

You take a long breath, and nod to him once more “nothing happened, Spike. This isn’t like before, Me and Twilight have a better understanding of each other...Mostly. Trust me, if something bad happened, she’d probably be lecturing me right now.”

“Yeah, that makes sense actually. Twilight does tend to do that sometimes when she thinks something went really wrong. Ok then! Let’s get going!” Spike says, his fear of Twilight or you being in a sour mood leaving him with the certainty of nothing going wrong.

The three of you make your trek towards the bowling alley. Discord suddenly becomes curious however, and asks Spike a question. “So, who are we decimating? It can’t be the princesses since Twilight is staying at the castle doing...boring things. And yet I know there has to be a team of four to match our own.” Discord pondered even deeper “Who do we know that could form an even team of four?”

Spike shrugs “Well, I’d tell you if I knew, but Big Mac did all the prep work.”

“He didn’t tell you who we’d be bowling against?” You ask Spike, that seemed a little weird.

“Nope. Big Mac works a lot, remember? It probably slipped his mind or something.” Spike shrugged again, then looked ahead with confidence “It’s not like it matters, right? Whoever we got is gonna get their butt kicked anyway.”

“While I admit that not being able to use my magic does make things a tad more difficult for me, I still must agree.” Discord puts on some sunglasses and holds up a squirtgun as he speaks in a Schwarzenegger voice. “We’re going to terminate them, aughhrhhgree” God, he even did the laugh.

“I’m with you two, I mean, I’ve been training a WHOLE lot. My skills without the horn are as good as any wonderbolt, if my trainer is anything to go by. I gotta hand it to Rainbow Dash, she’s actually pretty good at being an instructor. But that’s probably because Mr.Rich had a hand in paying for some of the gear I got to use. I’m actually excited to see who we’re gonna beat.” You had nothing to worry about. Hell, Big Mac was a fucking farmhorse, so his coordination was going to be second to none. There was no way you all could lose.

“It’s all set then. Heh, now I feel bad for whoever even thought they could tangle with us. I just wanted to win, not embarrass them… Oh well.” Spike shrugged.

Oh yeah, this was gonna be fucking easy.

You all then reach the bowling alley. As it turns out, Big Mac had already paid for the lane you’ll all be using. You were all told to go to lane ten.

And holy shit, when you all got there, you swear you had to be dreaming right now. Because Big Mac was waiting for you all…..With the fucking CMC. And while the others seemed confused as to where the other team was, you could tell by the CMC’s brick red bowling shirts that they WERE the other fucking team. Holy fuck, really? That’s like pigs to the fucking slaughter.

“Heya, Big Mac” Spike is the first to greet Big Mac “Heya, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo.”

The CMC greet Spike with a friendly smile, then you, and even Discord. Of course they would, he was your dad after all. It’d be rude not to greet him in front of you.

“Heya fellas, paid for the lane, we’re just waiting for one more pony and we’ll be ready to play.” Big Mac says as he takes a seat and waits.

But Spike gets confused and looks around “One more Pony? You mean for us? So it’s five versus five or something? Where’s the other team?”

Discord looks at Big Mac with some discontent “Excuse me, Big Mac, But we didn’t agree to a fifth member. There’s nopony else cool enough to hang with the likes of us. And Spike’s right.” Discord takes a look around “Where is the other team?”

“Guys…” You point over to the CMC “THEY ARE the other team. And their the ones waiting on their fourth pony. Holy geez, Big Mac, really? Seriously? I’m all for a slaughter, but you couldn’t have at least gotten us a team that was a little more challenging? We’re going to beat them so bad that their cutie marks are gonna fall off.” You weren't even laughing, you were serious, you didn’t want to make this TOO easy.

“Hey! That ain’t very nice” Applebloom says with a frown

“Wow, Anon, really?” Sweetie Belle looks at you with a mean look “Just because we’re girls doesn’t mean we’re gonna be easy.”

But Scootaloo doesn’t seem to take offense to your words at all. Instead, she steps up to you and gives you a confident look “I hope you can back up your words, Anon. Because I’ve been training a lot harder too! Ever since Rainbow Dash started training you, I’ve been copying your training regimine to make myself even better than I am now. Also, we got a secret weapon, so don’t think you’ve won just yet.”

You return Scootaloo’s confidence with a rather smug grin “Scoots, I never had a doubt in my mind that you’d actually be a challenge. And ok, I guess Applebloom is good too since she’s a farm pony and all. But Sweetie Belle, really? She can’t bowl for beans. Your scores won’t stack up to ours.”

“What?!” Sweetie Belle is taken aback by your words “You think I’m gonna bring my team down?! High and mighty as always, huh?! Well let me tell you that I think I’m a pretty good bowler! And besides, our fourth teammate is REALLY gonna steamroll your whole team! You’ll see!”

“Erm, can we all simmer down? Anon, why do ya gotta be all mean like that anyway?” Applebloom didn’t like your cocky attitude, but she didn’t want any sort of fight to break out either. “Ain’t this supposed to be a friendly competition?”

“C’mon Applebloom, I don’t think I’m being mean. Scoots took my banter just fine. There is nothing wrong with a little pregame bants. Am I right fellas?” You look around to your teammates for support.

“I mean, sorta? But these are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Anon. I don’t think we should be mean to a bunch of foals.” Spike says. Although he internally felt it’d be an easy win, he felt a little guilty having to crush the CMC like that.

“A BUNCH OF FOALS?!” Steam nearly blasts from Sweetie Belle’s nostrils as she stomps up to Spike so forcibly that he falls on his back “WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! YOU’RE A BABY, FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE! SO DON’T GO THINKING THAT JUST BECAUSE WE’RE FOALS MEAN WE CAN’T BEAT YOU!”

“W-w-whatever y-y-ou s-say! J-just don’t h-h-urt me!” Spike had to cover himself with his arms in fear of being stomped on by Sweetie Belle.

“That’s what I thought!” Sweetie Belle said with a nod as she stepped back to her team with a near militaristic march and stance.

Big Mac just frowned at everyone and raised his hooves and lowered them in a motion to tell everyone to calm down “Now no one get ornery now. We’re all here for a friendly game and that's how it’s all going to play out. So no pregame or post game bants or nothing, got it?”

“Oh, no worries big brother” Applebloom looks to Big Mac with a sweeter innocence, she was probably the only one here out of the CMC who seemed to have just come for a friendly game “I won’t start no trouble”

Discord, who had said nothing at this point, finally chimes in. He sounded and looked bored out of his skull. “And while that’s all very nice, we still have yet to see this fourth team member or even start the game. I thought this was going to be quick. And yet it’s taking longer than starting up a game of O&O. I just want to start, win, groove on the dance floor due to our win, and leave. And I’d like to do that as soon as possible.”

“Discord, ah said no pregame banter, this is a friendly game.” Big Mac reminds him.

Discord shrugs “That wasn’t banter…” Discord then suddenly zaps Applebloom with a bolt of magic.

“GYAAAH!” Applebloom yells, and looks around frantically as if something changed about her “What did he do to me?! What happened?!”

“Discord! What are ya doin?! What did you do that for?!” Big Mac suddenly got up, looking like he wanted to slug Discord for attacking his sister like that.

But Discord just holds a talon up to Big Mac to stop him, looks at him stoically, and says “Hold on, wait a moment, it’s coming”

“EWWWW!” Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle cry out as they move away from Applebloom.

“Wha?! What’s wrong?! Why are you girls saying that?” Applebloom starts tapping at her face “I’m not meltin’, am I?!”

“No” Scootaloo puts her hooves over her nose.

“You just really stink!” Sweetie Belle, as well, puts her hooves over her nose.

Discord then points over to the CMC with a bored expression “That’s banter...So, can we start now?”

Big Mac was already getting frustrated as he put his hoof over his forehead and sighed, then pointed over to Applebloom “You mind fixin’ mah sister?”

“Very well…” Discord simply snaps his talons, causing Applebloom’s smell to return to normal.

“Do I smell ok now, girls?” Applebloom asked as she started sniffing herself, it was actually kind of amusing to see herself smell at herself like a dog, but you couldn’t really laugh due to everyone suddenly being so hostile. Why? It really was just simple banter.

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle nod, But Scootaloo looked rather concerned, and like Applebloom, just wanted everyone to get along “Ok, so can we all calm down now, please? This all got all out of hoof pretty badly and everypony is kind of looking at us weird.”


You all look around to see nearly the entire bowling alley looking at you with either disgusted, weirded out, or even a few frightened faces. It causes all of you, even Discord, to cough and take your seats without nary another word due to embarrassment.

But then, that still left the fourth member on the CMC’s team. “So...erm..yeah. Where is your fourth member anyway? It’s not Scrappy, is it? I didn’t know he could bowl.”

“He can’t, or maybe he can, ah dunno. But it ain’t him, he’s at home learnin’ everything he needs to know about zap apple jam” Applebloom informs you.

Huh… “I thought he just wanted to be the family dog”

Applebloom nods “He does, but he’s also our friend and a bonafide Apple, that means learnin’ all the ins and outs of our family and our traditions. He takes it all very seriously and doesn’t want to miss out on nothin, he’s even been learnin’ a lot of things from Big Mac too, right big brother?” Applebloom looks to Big Mac for confirmation.

“Eyyup” Big Mac says with a nod.

“Then who is it then?” Spike asks

“Who is it? It’s a Cutie Mark Crusader based team. That means it’s got the best bowler around, that bowler being me.” Said a mysterious voice with a heavy bronx accent.

Who in the…

You all turn to the side to see the pink maned, green eyed, brown coated filly only known as Babs Seed, donned in the same red bowling shirt as the CMC, step to the comfy team sofa they were sitting on.

“BABS! YOU MADE IT!” The CMC cried out in cheer and went to hug their teammate.

Woah, it’s Babs Seed, even you didn’t see that coming.

“‘Course I did, just got a little hung up by your dog...friend...bug? I dunno, but he seemed really happy to have me as a friend and he kinda wanted this really long hug. So yeah, it took me a bit. But hey, I’m ready to wipe the floor with the mooks who want to challenge us.” Babs Seed said with pride and arrogance.

Of course, this just causes Big Mac to once again do a face hoof as he has to tell his cousin to calm down. “Babs, none of that banter stuff, alright? Just had a problem with it before and I’d like this to be a friendly game before I have to get goin’ out of town.”

“Relax, nopony ever got hurt from a little teasing and…” That’s when she eyes you. She looks at you, then chuckles and points “Is that the Anon guy you told me about, Applebloom? He looks pretty scrawny to me, and he doesn’t even look like he has any game! What’s up with that? It looks like if he threw a ball, his leg would go along with it! SNAP! Come clean off”

“Oooooh! I think I just heard my old train fire reignite” Discord said with a smirkish cringe.

Mnnnnnghhh... You look back at Discord, annoyed with his reaction. “Excuse me? Are you implying that was a burn? You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am!...It’s just that was a pretty good one.” Discord said with another happy and mocking chuckle.

You look to Babs with an annoyed expression, how could she say that to you when her fucking cutie mark was about fucking hair! “And what do you know about that anyway? Aren’t you a hairdresser or something?”

“The youngest and the best there is down where I’m from. Which is the city, if you didn’t know. And to survive in the city, you gotta be good at everything. And let me tell you, bowling is like THE sport for any city ever. If you can’t bowl then you ain't got no place to stand, not even at your own talent. Yup, you’re not going to win, so don’t even try.” Babs tells you, god...she was so fucking smug, you couldn’t wait to crush her. “Besides, I did hear some of the stuff you were saying, and I don’t appreciate it”

“YEAH! YOU GO BABS! YOU TELL HIM!” Sweetie Belle cheers, which only serves to fuel your annoyance and Bab’s arrogance.

“Woah, woah! Hold on.” Spike jumps up off his seat to face off against Bab’s banter. “You can’t just say you’re going to win. Do you even know who we are? That’s Discord, the Spirit of Chaos. Anon’s the Hero Colt and his adopted son! And Big Mac...err” Spike looks at Big Mac, who only seemed to want this to be over so they could play the fucking game, and didn’t seem too pleased that this was going on at all “Look, point is, don’t count us out. We’re ‘The Guild’! And we always complete our quests, no matter what!”

“Ugh, nerd speak.” Babs said with an eye roll as she goes over to the scorecards and looks at the turn order “Look, you want to back up what you’re saying? Then let’s just play the game and see who comes out on top. And it looks like you’re first, Spike. So just show us what you got already.”

And through Babs leading on, the game finally begun. Well, that was a little less friendly than it could have been. Was it your fault? Nah, Scoots took it pretty well, and everyone else should have too. And that Babs, she really thought she could crush you and your team? Fuck it, if she wanted a challenge, then she was going to see what ‘The Guild’ was made of.

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