• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter



With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 94 - Comforting Cozy Glow

You flew through the air into the cold northern mountains. At this point, you had stopped screaming, more blown away that you once again let yourself get literally blown the fuck out by a goddamn baby. Yes, even as you passed by cold frigid mountain tops, you were more focused on the fact that you were sent soaring in the air because Cadance and Shining can’t teach their baby a little self control. Well, ok, maybe teaching a baby self control is tough, but come fucking on! This was ridiculous! What if she sends someone willing to start a war over into the stratosphere? That filly needs to leAFDSA.

Your thoughts are stopped short as you suddenly find yourself in a large catcher’s mitt at the peak of a mountain. “And they’re out of there! Discord leads another inning for the Chaos Boulderdashers! Just listen to that crowd!” You hear from a distance as a sudden cheer from all around you fills your ears. Yep, it was Discord. You shift yourself in his mitt and pop your head out, shifting your gaze upwards to see the draconequus looking at you, garbed in baseball gear. “Have a nice flight, Anon?”

Thank god he caught you, who knows where you would have ended up. “Heh, kind of. The view was nice, but sheesh” You look back down where you came from, your face becoming scrunchy as the thought bugs you more and more. “That baby needs a leash.”

“I don’t think so.” Discord says with a quick chuckle “She’s got quite the throw. I think she has a future in buckball.”

“Yeah, yeah… Whatever.” You say with a sigh as you just stare downwards. Discord’s glove was actually quite warm, as you found yourself not freezing despite the peak of the mountain being rather snowy. You continue to stare for a little while longer before you let out a soft chuckle. “I’m good to go through with Chrysalis. Heh, thanks for the help.”

“A pleasure, especially since we all know you couldn’t have done it without my help. And speaking of help, I couldn’t help but ask if you could lend me your help.” Discord said as he began to shift position, looking into the distance.

“That’s a lot of help.” Was he being serious? Well, if he was, you wouldn’t mind giving him a hand in return for his help. You had what you wanted, all four princesses had given you the ok. Really, considering this was to prevent eternal pony damnation for someone you cared about, you couldn’t be too upset or unwilling due to being thrown out. “So what do you need help with?”

Discord opens up and reaches into a dark void, pulling out a small sheet of paper. “I’m trying to bake a NORMAL cake to congratulate Fluttershy’s first day of teaching. Yes, I know, normality is quite the chaos killer when it comes to a handsome draconequus such as I, which is why they are going to be fitted with candles that will explode like mini fireworks upon being lit up. And don’t worry, Anon, I have made sure that the explosive sound of such a grand show will be mitigated to mostly Ponyville itself. A small price to pay to make sure Fluttershy and her little furry friends don’t have their ears blown out.”

You roll your eyes with a chuckle “A small price, oh yeah, I’m sure. But can’t you just go shopping yourself? Or is there something you’re confused about?”

“I actually am confused about something. This here, right here.” Discord brings the small sheet of paper down to where you could see it and points to an ingredient that hasn’t been lined out yet, so you can assume it's an ingredient he still needs. “This is what I’m missing.”

You extend yourself out of his glove, just a tad, to take a better look at the paper. Wait, that one item… Was he kidding? “Butter? You need help getting butter? You serious?”

“Quite serious, I just don’t know what kind of butter this could be referring to. There must be thousands of types and I just don’t know where to begin.” Discord said, giving the paper a light smack as he stares at it, puzzled.

“Why don’t you just get, like, regular butter?” Like, he had to be joking. “That’s probably what it’s referring to.”

“Is there such a thing? That sounds more boring than I anticipated. Is it truly that easy?” Discord asked “I can’t believe it can be that simple.”

“Well, it is. Look, hold out your paw.” You ask him, and as he does so, you put on your horn and summon up a regular stick of butter for him to use. “There, see? Even imagined it being taken from a random store so it’d cause some chaos. This is the butter for the cake, since you’re probably making a butter cake.”

“Butter cake… Hmmm. I suppose that makes sense, which was what I was going for. Thanks, Anon, you’ve been a big help! I’ll make sure to save you a slice once it’s baked.” Discord says as he tosses the butter into the void, then gently begins to pet you.

“Ahh, heh, no problem. Ah man, this is great. Now that I finished up with the princesses, I can enjoy the rest of the day with my unlimited power. Y’know, first thing I should do is check up on Cozy Glow, since she might be havi-u-uhhh? Discord, what are you SEAFDFSDAF” You had no chance to say anything further as you felt yourself get partially sucked into the glove. Discord then began to wind up for what seemed to be a pitch.

“Game is seven six, but the opposing team has three on base. Discord on the mound, two strikes, one more for an out .” You could hear an announcer scream out, while Discord seems to be spitting something out of his mouth. “Discord only needs to throw a winning pitch to win it for the Chaos Boulderdashers! Will he do it? Or will he shame all of… Hrn, according to the teleprompter, Discord never brings shame to anything. Well, who am I to argue when it comes to announcing this drab Earth sport?”

Wait… was he gonna? OH GOD NO! You try yelling out to him, but you just can’t get your words out. Goddammit, after all that praise, he still had to be… Oh god, you could feel movement… OH GOD NO! NO! NO! SHIT! “Discord! DISCORD! DON’T DO IT MAN! DON’T DOOOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” And he done do it, he did. He hurled you like a flaming fireball back towards Ponyville, and holy shit, everything was zooming past you as if you were a bullet. You were screaming, screaming for dear life! You were going to… Wait, you had your horn. You could simpl-EWTGEDFDE.

Your thoughts, and indeed, your movement come to a full stop in a dunking fashion as you collide with the water of the town square fountain. How you survived? Probably was intended. You raise your head, spit out the water, and take a deep breath. Mumbling angrily to yourself, you notice the purple pink pony statue looking back at you. You just groan and say “Whatcha looking at?”. It does not reply.

Ugh, dammit Discord, why did he have to be like that? Why do you keep asking yourself that question?

You climb out of the fountain and shake yourself off like a dog. Then, when you take a look around, you notice a few ponies staring at you, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. “Sorry! Sorry, Everypony! Was just uhh… Practicing my meteor dives… For uh, quick hero missions. Uh… Yep!” You say, just to make sure no one would think… Would think… Would think what exactly? Man, screw this. You grab your horn and wave at the crowd “Anyway! Gotta go!”

Finally, using your magic and your memory of Cozy Glow, you manage to appear in... Huh, these walls looked like you were back in Twilight’s school. But there was a cozy little bed, a small bookcase, a toy box, a closet, and a work table. Everything looked as stylish as the rest of the school, like something straight out of Hogwarts...but with brighter colors. Hrn, you wondered if Cozy would be here or if she’d still be in a class. “Cozy Glow? Hey, sorry to literally pop in all of a sudden. But, ya know, just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

“Professor Anon?” You heard her, that soft gentle and angelic voice. You turn over back to the bed and could see Cozy glow slightly poking her head out curiously, staring right at you. “Oh golly, you sure weren’t kidding when you said you popped in, I didn’t even see you open the door. But umm…” Cozy flew upward then towards you to give you a gentle little hug. “It’s weally good to see you! How’d you know I was on a lunch break?”

Uhhhhhhhhh… “I’m just cool like that, hehe” You say, doing your best to look honest.

“Gee, I wish I could be cool like that. But mnnnn.” Cozy plops on her butt, and looks down with a frown. “I already ate all my food. I feel bad now, I would have saved some for you if I knew you were coming.”

D’aaaaaaaaaaawwww! She’s so adorable! You give her a more confident smile and pat her on the head. “Pft, no need to get sad over that. What’s important is that you eat all your food so you get big and strong, like me!”

And she just completely bought it, looking at you with deep admiration. “Oh my! You’re right, Professor! I oh so do want to become big and strong like you!” She says with sugar sweetness in her voice. “Is that why you’re here? To teach me to be big and strong?” She asked, looking at you with big shimmering eyes.

God, this adorable filly, you were gonna die of diabetes “Well, no, things like that are for when you’re erm… A little older. What I did come here for was to make sure you, my future star student, is having a good day today. Nopony is giving you any trouble, right?” You ask her, giving her a cute little boop on the nose, eliciting a giggle out of her.

“Oh, nope, nothing like that so far, Professor! Everypony here is so nice, and the professors are really good at teaching friendship. Um, it’s also only the first day, so we haven’t learned too much yet! Although…” She looks down, frowning again as she rubs her front hooves together nervously. “I am having a little trouble with the first day assignments from Professor Fluttershy. For some reason, some of the animals seem kind of scared around me. I wish I knew why…” She suddenly started to tear up. “Maybe I’m just unlikable…”

WHHHHHAAAAAT?! “Nahhhhh! No no! Don’t even think that!” You reach on over and pull her in for a gentle and warming hug. “Trust me, it’s nothing like that at all. In fact, let me tell you a secret. Despite me being Aunt Fluttershy’s cute and awesome nephew, some of her animals don’t really like me either. I don’t really know why, but sometimes that's the way things are, and you gotta accept that. You gotta remember that they’re animals, and sometimes they just don’t know any better.”

“W-wow, I never thought of it like that.” Cozy said as she wiped a tear from her eye, showing off a weak but increasingly strengthening smile. “Y-you’re amazing, Professor Hero Colt Anon! The besty westy!” She dives in for another hug, it just makes you smile warmly as you gently slide your hoof along her back. She was like the kid sister you never had.

“Ah, it wasn’t anything. Just some wise words a professor of a friendship school might actually say.” Man, you felt really big right now. Your ego was growing, but it was fine, she was innocent enough, she wouldn't catch on to your arrogance.

“I very very very much agree! And I think Little Anon agrees too! He’s so nice, he’s been watching over me since you gave him to me. Oh! Also, I need to show you, you need to see! Little Anon learned a new trick while you were away!” Cozy said in excitement, hovering towards her toybox as she began to sift through it.

Ah yeah, the doll you conjured up for her. Man, you almost felt pretty sad for her given you thought that’d be her only friend, but then you remember that she’s so young, so it’s probably just a little girl thing, little girls do love their dolls. Though, a new trick? What new trick could a doll possibly learn? You merely watched as she finally pulled out the little doll of you. And then something catches your eye immediately. Strings, puppet strings to be exact. She was now handling the doll like a puppet as she made it dance, giggling as she made the little 'you' do a bow before making a single spin.

“See? He learned to dance for me! And he’s a really good dancer too! Professor Anon, are you also a weally good dancer?” Cozy looked to you, a sweet smile on her face as she continued to manipulate the doll.

“Yeah, I’m uh… Pretty good. Why do you ask?” You ask her, hoping she wasn’t falling for you, hoping she didn’t want some sort of romantic little dance.

“Oh, no weason. I was just wondering if you could dance to any tune, that’s all. Oh!” She giggles as she looks at you. She could tell, it seems, that you felt a little uncomfortable about that question. “Professor, don’t worry. Like I said, I so so respect your relationship with your special somepony. The reason I asked was because erm…” She hesitated for a moment before shifting her eyes left and right and whispering “I can’t dance… And I just thought you could teach me. Although, if it makes you uncomfortable, I could always ask Professor Rarity and… OH NO! My lunch break is over and I’m gonna be late for her class! I gotta hurry!” Cozy says as she rushed back towards her toy box to put away the doll of you. She then ran up to you and did a little bow “Thank you so so so much for the help, Professor. I can’t wait until we meet each other again!”

Heh, you reach over for one more comforting hug before letting her go. “Same, and you take care, remember what I told you, and remember this: As long as you're nice, sweet, and caring, making friends will be a snap!”

“Golly gee, I sure do believe it! Bye bye now! See you soon!” Cozy said as she hovered upwards and zipped to her door, leaving to the hallway to rush towards Rarity’s class.

You just snickered to yourself, letting your arrogance flow through you. “Goddamn Twilight, how could you not make me a professor? I got this shit down!”

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