• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 100 - Discussion at the Dinner Table

You began to doggie paddle back to the house. In your thoughts, you had began to wonder what had happened to you during the fight. Those feelings, that wanting to win at any cost, that absolute focus, and that exhilarating feeling. You had only felt this once, and that was when you were fighting Garble. You could swear there was even some physical changes to you when you felt such a feeling, but you couldn’t be sure. Essentially, whatever you felt, it gave you an incredible focus to want to not just beat your opponent, but utterly destroy the opposition in the most grandiose way you can think of at the time.

But then, it all went away after it was all over with. The Storm Ravager, he was gone now, you actually fucking ended him with a kitchen sink the size of the fucking moon. Did it kill him? Did it ma-OH SHIT! The X-Captain! D-did you kill him too? You know the Storm Ravager knocked his ass out, but where did he go? And why did you care so much? Bah, the guy wanted you dead for so long, him having a change of heart now shouldn’t affect you. But it did, it really kinda did, the poor moron was outside your window for so long that it just sort of became his life. Now he had a chance to fix all of it, and now he’s dead.

You sigh as you near your window. “Anon, geez, come on man. What was all that? It’s not like I lost control of myself, it just… Felt so good dropping a sink on the guy, felt so right. I needed to win! I’d be dead if I lost! Ugh, I shouldn’t care. He shouldn’t have been there even, it was his… Ugh, I can’t believe I… Huh? Wait, the window is stuck.” You brought your hooves down on it, kicked it, tried to raise it, but nothing was working.

“Having trouble?” Said a voice. The Ex-X-Captain, or XX-Captain as you’ll think of him now, slowly raised his head as he snickered, staring at you in absolute evil glee. “I locked it, so now you can’t get in. I WIN! HAHAHAHAHA!” He raised his hooves as he laughed maniacally. “NOW TO TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA! What do you have to say to that! Hm?”

You take back any soft and caring thoughts about this assfuck. “What do I think?” You ask as you calmly narrow your eyes at him. “I think you better open that window, or else.”

His grin becomes even smugger as he brings his face closer to the window “Or else what?”

“I can teleport, jackass. I’ll teleport right in there, force you to be Twilight Sparkle, and then I’ll rape you. Ok? I’ll rape you until I get all my pent up sexual frustration out of my mind and body. Do you hear me? I’ll make you be a mare of my choice every night until I get sick of sex. And there will be no safety words once I get to shoving shit up your ass just to get over how pissed off you made me. So again, open the DAMN window, or else.” You tell him, narrowing your eyes as you stare at him with a scaringly authoritative expression.

“Meep!” Squeaked the XX-Captain. With wide eyes, and the only movement coming from his legs, he unlocks the window and slowly opens it. He then steps backwards as you slip inside.

“Well, what are you staring at? You remember where the basement is! Go on! Get!” You swat your right hoof at him, making him fly up, smash his head on the wall, then scamper down through the floor door. “Fucking christ, might as well be a dad already with the kind of shit I gotta deal with. Geez…” You sigh, and do your best to calm yourself. “C’mon, Anon, you got a dinner to get to. Ok… Don’t worry about the Storm Ravager, he’s dead, he deserves it. He… Totally does, guy was irredeemable. Hell, had you and Discord not done anything when he shattered to pieces, he’d be long dead before anyway, no skin off your nose. Right? Yeah… Ok… Just be cute for Fluttershy, she’ll like that.” You take another breath and look towards the window, using your horn to don a cute little bowtie as magical brushes work their magic on your mane. “I look ok…” You rub your tongue along your teeth while focusing on the mirror, they felt fine. “Ok, good. Ok…” Once your spell was finished, you took another breath, and smiled towards the mirror. “Yeah, it wasn’t anything. Just a really chaotic spell… That somehow had a really close effect to that postal spell you cast against Garbel… Ok. Ok… Don’t stress.” You take one last breath and make a pose. “Yeah, l-lookin’ good.”

It was nothing, you did a good thing. The Storm King overstayed his welcome and royally fucked up by trying to take you on while you had unlimited charges. And whatever effect the magic had on you was gone now, and probably wasn’t even related, it was most likely just an addition to the spell. Anyway, you try to remove all these thoughts in your head as you use the portal door to appear in front of Fluttershy’s cottage. The sun was already down, you wasted a lot of time looking for that ingrate of a changeling. He too didn’t really deserve any mercy, but he really was too much of a doofus to really be a threat at this point.

When you reach the door, you take another breath and knock. You then wait. Either Discord or Fluttershy would get the door, and then all you had to do was lay on the ole’ Anon charm.

Of course, you also forgot about the other little resident of Fluttershy’s cottage. The door opened as Angel slipped through the crack, dressed in a waiter’s outfit, as he looked up at you with a cranky expression. He had a little pen and clipboard with him. Hoo boy, this must be Discord’s doing. HA! He was like, the valet or whatever. “Hey Angel.” You say with a big grin, knowing exactly what this trope is. “Don’t worry, I’m on the list.”

Angel grumbled, little noises escaping his mouth as he rolled his eyes. He then took a breath and started ‘talking’ to you, pointing past the doorway which seemed to lead into a… Very nice banquet hall. Wew, Discord, going all out, eh?

“Yeah, yeah. Alright, step aside, the guest of honor is coming thro-om?” When you go to proudly step forward, Angel steps in front of you and holds out his paw, gripping it as he points to it with his other. The guy wanted a tip, a tip in carrots. “You serious?”

He just stares at you harder, pressing on his paw as he awaited his carroty goodness, he then began to make indiscernible chatter.

“What do you mean we have to be nicer to each other?! We have our truces, but you’re still a big jerk!” You remind him. However, he just points back at you, making more rabbity noises out of his mouth. “What?! I am not! Remember, this all started because you treated me like a jerk from the get go! It’s not as if…” But he interrupts you again, and stares at you very hard as he makes his ears look like Fluttershy’s mane, then makes it look like yours as he made googly eyes. “That… Is not… Ok, fine, so maybe that was a good reason to be suspicious of me, but that was a long time ago! I have a marefriend now and…” But he interrupts you again with even more of his chatter. “... Ahm, erm, yeah… I do sometimes think of other… Ugh, I know where this is going. Fiiinneeee, you’re lucky I have unlimited magic right now.” You roll your eyes as place your horn on your head, using your magic to make a giant carrot appear behind you, about the size of you. “This good?”

Angel nearly fell over at the sight of it. To him, it was colossal. He hopped over to it and began to just snuggle on it as if it was his lover.

“We square? Can I go in without a problem?” You ask him as you await his reply. He looks to you, and gives you a quick nod before returning to his nuzzle cuddles. “Ok, good.” Sheesh, this guy. You still had to be careful around him, simply due to the fact Fluttershy loves him too much and he definitely uses it to his advantage.

You step inside. And man, what an interior! The ceiling was… Well, ok, it was a tad much with there being a painting of Discord reaching out with a single talon towards Fluttershy, who was laying there in a cloth as she reached her hoof out towards him. The walls were all gold, with spiraling pillars. The windows were large and glamorous, with red curtains for each. The patrons? Bah, all Discord clones in different attire, both male and female. It made you feel a tad uncomfortable considering what happened at the wedding, but at the same time, you shouldn’t expect anything to happen since they're all of Discord’s chaotic will. Up on stage was a band of Discords and… Woah, is that Octavia? Holy shit, it was. And man, that mane, that cute little bowtie, that grace. You had to just get a little closer and…

“Ooooh, Anon. Over here, son! Unless you think I’m the beautiful mare with the cello.” Called out Discord, who was waving you down from a nearby table, Fluttershy sitting by him with just her normal attire of nothing.

“Ahrm… That wasn't it, I was just enjoying the music since I couldn’t find you guys.” You say with a nervous chuckle as you hobble on over to the table. “Heya Dad, Aunt Fluttershy. Uh, great to see you two. Um, what’s with this whole thing?” You ask as you wave your hoof about before taking a seat.

“Oh, your father felt very festive all of a sudden.” Fluttershy said with a soft giggle “I told him it was a little too much for just being my first day.”

“Yes, it might even be, but who cares? The point of this is to celebrate as a family.” Discord said as he leaned back in his seat. “And the fact we hadn’t all been in the same room for quite some time.”

Wut? “We were all at the wedding. The fake wedding for me, remember?”

“That doesn’t count. You were mostly elsewhere, either getting ready for said wedding or getting ready for your doom. I wouldn’t really-” But Fluttershy cuts him off as she nervously tries to put his words in a more positive light.

“U-um, what your father MEANS to say is that it was more for you and Diamond Tiara. This dinner, well, I’d like to think of it as something for all of us. I don’t really think it should have anything to do with my first day as a professor. Really, it should just be us having a nice dinner and enjoying our company, right Discord?” Fluttershy asks as she looks at him with a gentle smile.

“Well, yes, I did say it had something to do with that. Ahrm, but I suppose that should be the main thing as well. Anyway, don’t worry about ordering, Anon, we already have food coming to the table.” Discord says as he sits back up, taking a gentle breath and doing his best to hold back his arrogant tendencies.

“I thought you were making- Never mind, I guess everypony here is basically you. Which, uh…” You look back at Octavia, then back to Discord. “Makes me wonder, is she a clone too?”

“No, that’s actually who you think it is.” Discord replied.

Wut? “Really? How did you get her to come here and play? Like, did you, y’know, do your mind thing?”

“No, I didn’t” Discord replied again.

“Then how? How did you get her to play?” You ask, in wonderment on how he managed such a feat without his mind altering magic.

Discord shrugged “How else? I paid her”

You nearly fell forward on that one. And given he wasn’t looking too cocky about it… “Oh…” What a surprising but anti-climatic answer, so much so that you somehow felt embarrassed by it. “I-I guess that makes sense.”

“Oh, your father was very generous, Anon. He not only gave her double the bits she usually asks for, but he also renewed the strings on her cello too! I feel like he secretly must have taken Rarity’s class today.” Fluttershy said with a gentle giggle.

Discord held back a huff as he said under his breath. “It was the only way she’d even agree at all. Not my fault my cello player broke his arm.”

Even more ‘wut?!’ “Uhhhhh, you mean your clone? How is that even possible?”

“Easy. During practice, I suggested he try putting a dictionary I toyed with back in its proper order. The mad-stallion actually did it! Can you believe it? His arm literally fell off into an unreturnable void!” Discord groaned as he rolled his eyes “Really, how could I know he’d actually dare such a dangerous feat!”

But… He was the one who dared him, and he… Wait, so he made a clone that would listen to such a orderly command? Like, as in something that would risk their lives? And now he’s annoyed because the clone, the clone he probably made that would specifically do such a thing in the first place, blew up its arm? When he was the one who caused it? Ugh, your brain was starting to melt. “O-ok then. Erm, Sooooo…” You tapped your hooves on the table nervously, then looked to Fluttershy “How did the first day of teaching go? I can’t really imagine how a kindness class would go so I really wanna know how it went.”

“Oh, Anon, it went amazingly well.” Fluttershy said with a satisfied giggle “So well, in fact, that I can’t wait for you to start attending my class too! All the cute little animals really helped put many of the students’ minds at ease. Now, I haven’t started on anything too difficult, today’s class was just an introduction to the element of kindness, so all I really asked of everycreature was to treat the animals nicely and give them a few treats. It went so well I almost cried, everycreature was getting along with the animals and with each other.” Fluttershy was beside herself in joy, up until something seemed to stop her train of thought. “...Although, there was something that really irked me.”

“What, was it a student not being kind?” Discord asked, suddenly being a little defensive. “Because I can fix that.”

“Oh no no no, it’s not that at all.” Fluttershy said with a hint of franticness in her tone, not wanting Discord to do anything violent or mean. “ You see, Anon already made a few friends from the school before they even started attending. And while Ocellus, our changeling student, makes sense. We have another named Smolder that also knows him. They became friends after Anon helped her smash a gem boulder.”

“Um…” Yep, that was the ‘official’ reason you became friends with her. But why did it bother Fluttershy so much? “Yeah, that’s how it happened. Why, is there something wrong with that?”

“Well, no, it made me glad you’re already making more friends. It’s just…” Fluttershy looked at you with an expression of worry. “Why were you in the Dragon Lands? Anon, you didn’t go looking for that meanie dragon that attacked you, did you? I had heard from Twilight that it was already dealt with.”

GYAH! THE GUILT! You never actually thought you’d need a reason to be there. Ogh, and telling her you were on a spy mission for pedo Dracula pone was probably not the best idea either. Oh man, Anon, are you really gonna lie to her? You were really doing good at not lying… “I was just…” You hang your head low, and look up at her slowly to see her reaction. “Y-yes, I just felt really angry that he could destroy an entire place and not pay for it. But I guess I also had a real chip on my shoulder about dragons too… But Smolder, and even Princess Ember? Yeah, they kinda showed me dragons aren’t all bad.” Smooth, Anon, smooth.

“Oh! So you learned a friendship lesson then? That’s really great!” Fluttershy smiled, she was absolutely beaming at the thought of you making friends and a disaster not happening. “I’m so glad everything worked out for the better. Smolder seems really nice, she already seems like a good friend. Oh, actually, that reminds me. Anon, when you start attending classes, do you think you can keep the whole ‘Hero Colt’ thing, um, as not a big thing?”

Hm? “Sure, I-I can do that. But why?”

“You have some fans, that’s all. And let’s just say one is reeeaaaalllllyyy into it. When she found out I was your aunt, she kinda… Um, well. It seems you’re just really well known in Mount Aris and Seaquestria. And, um, I’d just appreciate you not making it too big a thing. I-It's nothing against you, no, I’m really proud of you for it. It’s just, I’d rather there not be a fuss, that’s all. D-do you understand what I’m saying?” Fluttershy was starting to become a little meek over it. She really was proud of you, but it seems she really didn’t want you flaunting it or your status in general. She didn't want it causing a disruption in school. She also didn’t want to sound insulting to you.

You just smile at her, and salute. You understood what she was getting at. “No problemo, Aunt Fluttershy. I can keep things cool. Oh!” There was something you had to ask. Your mind was already thinking about this Silverstream. If she was half as cute as Princess Skystar then, woo, things were gonna be grand. But this yak, this yak who wanted to challenge you, surely she had to have said something to Fluttershy. “So, I hear the classmates are all really diverse. Are there any yaks? Specifically any that know about me? Ok, I know you said not to flaunt it and all. I just wanna know what I’m dealing with, that’s all.”

“Well, there’s Yona. She really wants to meet you, but she wouldn’t tell me why. Oh well, I’m sure she’ll be happy just the same for the chance to be in the same class as you. But again, as Anon, and not the ‘Hero Colt’.” Fluttershy reminds you, despite her already have said something about it a moment ago.

“I know, I know. You can trust me.” You tell her.

“I know I can. Oh, so how was both your days?” Fluttershy asked, as politely and adorably as she normally would.

“Finally, a chance to speak. Well, my day has been going very well. Have this place set up” Discord says as he slowly pans his arm around the room. “Dinner should be arriving any minute, and of course, it’s all due to the fact that I am ultimately just amazing. You’re very lucky to have a friend like me, Fluttershy. This, I assure you.”

“Oh, I know. But that doesn’t really tell me about your day, Discord.” Fluttershy said with a giggle, finding his mannerisms humorous. “I want to know what your day has been like. Oh, did you and Anon do anything fun together? I’d love to hear about that if you both did!”

“I… No, I spent most of the day baking a cake, which we’ll be feasting on soon. Um, hmmm…” Discord began to rub his chin as he realized he hadn’t done anything too chaotic today. “I really haven’t done anything fun today.” Discord began to frown, sinking into his chair. “Now I feel foolish, how could I throw this dinner without any dinner conversation? I must look really dumb right now…” Discord then slowly looks over to you “... Which is why I think we should talk about Anon’s recent victory over the Storm King.”

“Hm? Recent, but that was a long ti-” Fluttershy’s eyes went wide, as did yours. HE KNEW?! HE WASN’T EVEN THERE, HE ISN’T THAT OMNISCIENT!. “Discord… Please tell me you’re joking, a-a-and not telling me that he just sprang up out of nowhere… Or worse, you brought him back.”

You just sat there, stunned, eye twitching. This fucking madman, what was he up to now?!

“Not really brought him back, but more kept as a pet. Then one thing led to another, came back as a gigantic… Thing. And then Anon, being the hero colt he is, actually factually defeated the Storm King proper this time. Sure, he needed a dose of my essence to get him to finish the job, which kind of takes away from it a little. But I must say, the kitchen sink? Mmmm.” Discord kisses each of his talons individually in congratulations to you “Delicious play, if I do say so myself.”

“DISCORD!” Both you and Fluttershy yell out, before Fluttershy looks over to you and says “ANON!”

Ohhh damn! Fluttershy looked, well she wasn’t pissed, just upset. “Gyaooh, erm. Haha, c’moooon, it’s not as bad as he makes it sound. I mean, I’m here, I’m alive, I’m not hurt. I really walloped him and stuff. So, y’know, no reason to be mad.”

“I’m more upset at hearing that he was basically kept as a pet when he’s really REALLY dangerous! Ooooh! I’m very very upset now! Why would you even do that?!” Fluttershy asked, utterly upset at how such a thing could be allowed.

“O-ok, to be fair!...” You look over to Discord, and immediately point at him “It was his idea too! Dad said it’d be funny!”

“What can I say?” Discord shrugs with a grin “It is, it was, and now it’s over. Fluttershy, I only even mention this because, as you can see, both Anon and myself are even more responsible than you realize. Yes, I think we both deserve praise for the proper handling and disposal of one of Equestria’s most dangerous villains.”

Fluttershy just becomes silent, and raises a single eyebrow at Discord. “Discord, he was already handled. Why would you do that? Why would you BOTH do that?”

Discord was beginning to regret his ill-timed piece of conversation as you just slam your face on the table. He just looked at her, and tried to explain his reasoning. “Well, I thought it’d be fun. Then it got boring, then I stopped caring, and then other things happened, and eventually Anon proved that with a bit of help, he could overcome a powerful enemy. What more is there to understand?”

You just slowly raise your head with a groan. “Because it was reckless, dangerous, and put my life in danger. Ugh, and for me, it was dumb, reckless again, and showed some dishonesty that’d I’d not mention it at all. That’s right, isn’t it?”

Fluttershy nods. “It is, and it’s why I’m disappointed in the both of you. Just because you won doesn’t mean I’d be happy about it. Just like there’d be no way I’d be happy with that big meanie still being around to hurt you, or anypony really. I’m sorry, but I’m just not happy with the both of you right now.”

“Fluttershy, don’t you think you’re overreacting? Relax, it’s a family dinner! Maybe you’re just hungry. Don’t worry, the food will be here soon and…” But Fluttershy cuts him off, speaking up with as authoritative voice as she could muster.

“No! I don’t think I’m overreacting, and I’m not going to just let this go just because everything looks very fancy and nice! Discord, we need to talk. I will not let this slide, and as Anon’s aunt, I need to have this talk with you so you understand WHY it’s wrong, and then you can explain it to Anon. You can’t, as a father, just do what you want just because it’s ‘funny’! You have responsibilities towards Anon, and you just haven’t been as responsible as I think you could be!”

“Oh… Hrn, well, things are starting to make a little more sense now as to why you’re upset. Erm, can we at least do this after dinner?” Discord asked with a sheepish smile.

“Give Anon a doggie bag, a non-literal and healthy doggie bag, and send him home. After we talk, I expect you to talk to him in the morning. We need to talk about not only your role as a father, but also about things you shouldn’t and REALLY shouldn’t be doing. I know you’re better than this, Discord, but I just can’t overlook this. Do you understand me?” Fluttershy looked up at him, still looking serious, but she was clearly feeling hurt in herself for being so stern.

“A-aunt Fluttershy… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset. We just, we just… Erm.” God, what do you say to her to try to diffuse the situation? ”Look, I know this looks bad, but me and Dad are chaotic in nature. Things happen, and we just kind of do things because normal things just aren't for us sometimes, you know that. I admit, the Storm King thing was probably a thing that was a little too far. But you heard Dad, it was handled. If anything, it felt like chaos training to me, I wasn’t in any real danger.” Ok, that last part was totally not true. It also looked like you had your answer to that weird feeling. Discord’s essence? You really needed to ask about that when you got the chance. “And even if I was, Dad knew, and had my back the entire time. I get it, what we both did was dangerous and stupid, and we allowed the possibility for the Storm King to come back. I promise, I won’t let it happen again, I’ll make sure of it. Please… Don’t send me home, you’ve been gone for awhile, I just want to spend the night with you and Dad… Please?” You just look at her with big sad eyes, hoping to appeal to her softer nature.

Fluttershy sighs, calming down, but still heavily disappointed. “Anon, what you and your father did was manipulate somecreature’s life for your own enjoyment. It’s wrong, no matter how bad they are, it’s just wrong. I can’t just look this over like that.” She looks down, feeling just a little guilt over how she herself was acting.

“You can. At least for him.” Discord says, looking away, sounding somber

“What? Discord?” Fluttershy looks to him, confused. “What do you mean?”

Suddenly, everything goes dark as a spotlight hits Discord. He slowly stands and then begins to make his way to the stage. “I mean what I said. The truth of the matter is Anon didn’t have a choice when it came to the Storm King. Ahrm…” Discord looks over to Octavia and the discordian band. “Appropriate music for the moment, if you please.” And with that, Octavia, somewhat confused, still nods and begins to lead the band to a more depressing melody. “Anyway, yes, Anon is not to blame.” Discord looks over to Fluttershy with tears in his eyes. “How could you expect me not to exact some sort of revenge? To know I wasn’t there to defend you or Anon, to know that he hurt him so, to even know that he tried to destroy you simply for getting in his way. Fluttershy, my dearest friend, I care about you both so much. This Storm King, to me, deserved the most humiliating punishment I could muster, and so I convinced my son to help me carry it out. I made sure Anon would agree and that he would be the one to humiliate him every step of the way simply because I hated him for what he did. So, please, if you are to blame anypony, blame me.”

Woah, did Discord say all that? Wait, some of that was a lie, you both came up with that punishment together. Hell, you were humiliating him just because it was funny, just like you had been doing to the X-Captain. So, was Discord just taking the blame just because? Or was it something else.

Either way, it actually seemed like Fluttershy didn’t buy it. “Discord…” She lets out a heavy sigh “I know a lot of that isn’t true.”

Discord recoiled as the lights suddenly came back on. He began to nervously twitch his talons and paws together as he sheepishly retorted “Well, more like some. I really did feel the Storm King needed a punishment, and I do care about you both very much. And that anger I mentioned, oh that was very real.”

“I know…” Fluttershy looked up for a moment, then gave a hopeful smile towards him. “And I think I understand how you feel, how you both feel. It’s still wrong though, but I guess I… Well…” Fluttershy began to feel nervous as she tapped her hooves together shyly. “I really didn’t like him at all, like, really really didn’t like him. But it’s still the wrong thing to do. I want you both to promise me you’ll never do it again… Or at least tell me if you are so I can tell you not to do it.”

The way she worded that… “I promise… But does that mean we’re still having dinner together?”

Fluttershy nods with a smile.

“Then I double on that promise! Alright, Everypony, continue as normal!” Discord disappears from the stage and instantly reappears on his chair.

“Discord, I mean it, please keep that promise.” Fluttershy said, being rather serious about her words.

“I promise, Fluttershy, I truly do. “ Discord says, as a third paw appears over his forehead to wipe some sweat. It seems he realized his own stupid mistake with that one, and was relieved that he managed to reel things back in before everything was ruined completely. After wiping his forehead clean, Discord then looked to you, looking serious himself. “As for you, Anon, I bet you’re wondering EXACTLY how that essence thing works. Well, that will be for tomorrow.”

“Oh…” Fluttershy realizes that there was a fight that was mentioned, and that you won. “Wait! So what happened to the Storm King?”

“Well, he kind of tried to end me to get to Equestria and take over again. But I dropped a giant kitchen sink on him. I actually don’t know what happened to him after that, I think he’s gone…” Wait, don’t say it that way, that could upset her “Erm, somewhere in the chaos dimension.”

“Oh” Fluttershy just responds, as in, that was all she said for a moment before looking left and right and whispering. “Well… Erm, that’s probably a good thing. Um! But, um! Like I said, don’t let it happen again! Ok?” You said with a gulp, realizing she may have encouraged the opposite of what she wanted for you altogether.

“I know, I got it Aunt Fluttershy.” You say with a sunny smile, letting her know everything was ok.

Discord stretches his head up to see his clone bringing in a large set of plates with various foods and such. “Ah, and look at that, dinner has arrived.”

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