• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 82 - The Hyrule Campaign Part 2 (read end description for special details)

“Well everypony, I don’t want to be all pessimistic or nothin’. But how are we going to get that drawbridge down? That moat looks pretty murky and suspicious to go looking for a sewer system, and I’m not really comfy wasting my mass teleport spell on the get go.” Garbunkle asked as he looked over the edge of the ground towards the polluted and dark water down below.

“Hmmm, well… What about right there?” You notice a few windows going into the wall of the right side of the drawbridge. “That looks like a guard post or something, I bet the lever to lower the drawbridge is in there.”

“Ahh, but how do you suppose we get there, I wonder? Since we need to keep Garbunkle’s spells well stocked for when we get further in.” Wuz pondered, but his eyes wandered over to Moonlight, as he felt he actually knew the answer to the question “If only somepony in our group could fly over there stealthily and check it out.”

“Oh! OH! I could do that! I can fly over there, check it out, flip the lever, and backstab any baddies who might be in my way!” Moonlight says with an excited hop as she spread her wings to prepare for flight.

Wait… “Woah, woah. Erm, Dia-Moonlight… That’s all pretty dangerous, and if you get into trouble, we can’t really help you without teleporting in. Are you ok with that? We could figure out something else.” Were you worried about her? Yeah, even if this was all papercraft and magic, it could still be very scary and violent for her. And wait… Speaking of violent. “Also, what do you mean backstab? You’re really willing to do that?”

“Duh, I am a thief. And once I figure out how these wings work, getting over there will be totally easy.” Moonlight said as she fluttered her wings, and instantly began to hover as if by thought “Oh hey, this isn’t very hard at all! Look everypony, I'm in the air! So cool!”

“Ah, it truly isn't that hard for you, as your ability to fly is tied to the skills of your character. So really, it comes quite naturally.” Wuz explains.

“Neat! Oh and Anon… Erm, Conan, I’ll be ok. I mean, they are just baddies made of paper, right? If I could slice you in half without a problem, then those guys will be pushovers.” Moonlight tells you with an adorable wink, at this point, unphased by the fact she hacked you in two. However, you find your heart sink in pain from those words. You were that easy?! No you weren’t! She just surprised you… And uh… murdered you in a hit. Egghhhhh…

“You’re looking sickly there, Conan, you ok?” Garbunkle asked as he made a subtle smirk “Not getting another one of them splitting headaches, are ya?”

You just shoot a grumpy glance over to him, and grumble. Bah, as you said to yourself, a surprise strike. You could easily obliterate your own party if you were allowed the same chance.

“Ok, I’m going now! Don’t worry fellow adventurers! The glamorous and sneaky Moonlight Garnet will lower that drawbridge.” Moonlight announces with a flourish of wings and with the grandeur of a true princess. She then goes and flies over to the window, and like a cat, begins to slip slowly inside.

“So, what are the chances she can pull this off?” Garbunkle asks. “Not that I’m not hoping, but we’re toast if they manage to find her out. If there’s an evil army in there, they’ll slaughter the rest of us for sure.”

“Not too high. While I doubt she’ll lower the drawbridge, I know the lizardfos guarding the place will lead an attack force on us once she’s found out. Hopefully, she’ll rejoin us with no harm to herself so we can teleport inside while the attack force try to figure out where we went.” Captain Wuz responded as he awaited the results of Moonlight’s stealthy strike.

Wait… “WHAT?! YOU’RE USING HER?! WHAT GIVES?! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!” Holy fuck, you would have thought Discord would have been more caring towards the fact that the game could still be scary, especially for a young foal. “What if she gets hurt?!”

“I mean, Conan, it just sounds like a backup plan. She’s the only one of us who can fly, so if she does mess up, we can still teleport and regroup. Again, not really too keen on using that spell, but unless you had any better ideas, I think it’s the best we- WOAH!” Garbunkle steps back in surprise as the drawbridge suddenly falls, with Moonlight standing at the other end with a big grin.

“Gooooot it!” Moonlight said with a happy little hop.

All of you, ALL OF YOU, were fucking amazed that Moonlight was able to do it so quickly, efficiently, and with such a happy childish smile on her face. “What in the…” You were just in awe as Moonlight pranced over to you and pointed over to the drawbridge. “D-diamond?”

“Nooo, Moonlight! Oh… I see.” Moonlight giggled to herself and gave all of you a sly grin “You all really didn’t expect me to do it, did you? Well, don’t forget that I’m always the best at what I do. Three lizard guys, and none of them noticed me as I took em out. Heck, the last one exploded into confetti without ever noticing my silver blade. Hehe, try to keep up, we got a demon king to beat.” Moonlight just turned back towards the lowered drawbridge, and began to march forward ahead.

“Uhhhh… Woah, that’s… Yo, Wuz, uhhh… What kind of rolls did she need exactly?” Garbunkle was just blown away. It’s not like he didn’t want her to succeed, it just seemed really unlikely. “Because it sounds like she hit them all, including a crit on that last one”

“I’m only assuming, but about sixteen and above on all three. I…” Wuz began to look at his paw and talons in disbelief “Even I’ve never gotten such rolls consecutively. I have failed as a chaos spirit, father, friend, prankster, and professional dog trainer.” Wuz falls to his knees as he holds up a fork towards Garbunkle “Stick this fork in me, for I am done.”

“Uhhh… How about no? Come on, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. It’s really awesome, actually. She’s like Conan's opposite. She gets awesome rolls where he gets utterly bad ones.” Garbunkle remarks, smiling as he raises a claw to express his point “And did you all see how cool she was about it? Oh yeah, I can already tell things are about to get amazing.”

“Yeah, they really- WAIT! I don’t always get bad rolls!” You contest those false facts! YOU CONTEST IT!

“Not all the time, but you’re kind of consistent about it, Conan. Look, try something right now.” Garbunkle does in fact challenge you, awaiting to see the outcome of your next action.

“Fine, I will. Check this out, I’m going to beast jump on top of the outer walls using the drawbridge as a runway to get momentum!” You exclaim as you scratch your hoof along the ground, preparing to charge forward.

“Oh boy, that might be kind of tough. I’d say at least a thirteen. I'm not really saying you should do it. But ok, give it a shot, let’s see what you got.” Garbunkle just stands aside, but looks back at you one more time to say something else “But just to tell ya, I was just messing with you. You don’t gotta take it that seriously.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I’m taking it super serious to make a point that my rolls don’t stink. Now watch this!” And finally, you charge forward onto the drawbridge, and make your mighty leap.

And your leap isn’t as mighty as you hoped. You jump, yes, but only high enough to jump up and past Moonlight and onto the upper arch of the other end of the drawbridge. And with a mighty crash, you slam right onto it, and then fall backwards right in front of Moonlight, who just wonders what the fuck that was all about as she looks at your smooshed up face. “A-anon? What was… That?”

“...Humiliation… That’s all.” You say with a tearful whine. Were you truly that bad? God christ.

“And my faith in everything is restored. Come along, Garbunkle, Moonlight is right. We have a demon king to take down.” Wuz says as he stands up, revigored, and prepared for adventure. It seems even in dice form, Discord really got a good chuckle in his heart when you got teased in ways that tickled his funny bone.

Garbunkle just chuckles and follows along behind. “Yep, I can tell this is gonna be a fun one.”

Author's Note:

So, with this, the second test chapter, I'll be writing the mini arc in a certain way, using a 1d20 dice to determine certain outcomes. I actually expected the chapter to be just a little longer. But really, what I got was in my favor.

As you can see, Diamond's three rolls were.... Unexpectedly fucking high.

And Anon's roll of five was just... Well, I didn't make him fail just to fail. So...

Yeahhhh... Take that as you will.

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