• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 118 - Discord's Move

“There it is, Canterlot Castle. Even now, a monument to all things harmony. Celestia, she must be reading Twilight’s letter as I speak. How dare she, how dare she even think about ruining what is finally so close! Anon, he’s finally near his climax, he can finally drop that hideously annoying worry he has and go back to not fretting over her and teaming up with me to do things. I don’t know what things, but things. And yet, I can already tell, Celestia will delay or even cause a halt to this progression. For Anon’s sake, and my own, I will make sure that is not the case. Really, his constant obsession is enough to drive even the most twisted being straight. But, given I am amazing, I will not fa-” Suddenly, there is a knock on the stall door. You open it to see Discord standing there, annoyed.

“You know, you’re not the only one who has to take a large exposition dump.” He tells you, holding a newspaper as he taps his dragon foot on the ground.

“Oh please, as if yours is as important and large as mine.” You say, preparing to slam the stall door shut.

“The fact that I’m still dealing with the mental anguish that is Fluttershy becoming more and more busy with her little animal sanctuary says plenty. Not to mention that I’m still annoyed for how long she was out before Anon’s false wedding.” Discord explained.

“Oh my, you’ve been holding it in for a very long time. Well…” You stand up, flush the toilet, and step aside. “After you, handsome.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere. But right now, leave me to my privacy.” Discord says as he slams the stall door shut, and begins to monologue. “Fluttershy’s attention, it is both precious and important to me. And while I must come to understand that her attention is not exclusively mine to have, I should have most of it since I am her BEST friend. Yes, I must find…” But you yourself just walk away from the stall as you snap your talons to teleport into the castle itself, as the stall and you were in the clouds above, observing Canterlot and all the… Does it need that much of an explanation? It’s getting boring.

You are Discord, the best ever, the master of chaos, the cool dude everypony wants to be pals with.

You had a mission, something you’d not screw up this time. Celestia, she would prove a hindrance to Anon’s goals. And a hindrance to his goals was a hindrance to your own. Seriously, he’s done nothing but mope or get obsessed ever since Chyrssy tried to end him. All you have to do is make sure things happen in a timely manner and everything should work itself out.

You teleported into Celestia’s chambers, who seems to have woken up not too long ago, and yet she’s already invested in reading the letter Twilight had sent her. Egh, who reads a letter right when they wake up? Maybe Anon isn’t the only one with an obsession. Sometimes, you wonder if Celestia is always gearing up Twilight to handle something. Why? Who knows? Maybe she’s just a jerk. You wait, you wait until she finishes that letter to make your move. You’d make sure to not allow her an inch.

After she finally finished reading the letter, you pop in behind her. No gags, not right now anyway, you had to make sure she understood you were serious. Sort of, mostly, part of you did want to see what would happen if she did hinder things. But you had to get that out of your head, this was too important. “Have a good read, Celestia?”

“Discord?” Celestia said as her eyes widened in surprise. She looked about, then behind herself, and spotted you. “Isn’t it a little early for you to be eavesdropping?”

“It’s never too early for anything chaos related, my dear. And as you may know, the contents of that letter must describe something truly chaotic. Am I wrong?” You ask her as you give her a dominating grin, floating above her and swimming about in the air as you await her response.

“It truly is, I was not expecting this at all. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised either, Anon’s determination is a little misplaced, but also something to be admired.” Celestia states as she sighs and uses her magic to place the letter on her desk. “He’s gotten farther than anypony else ever has with Chrysalis. To think, she even allowed Twilight into her space, even if it was only for a moment.”

“Yes, yes, you’re impressed. But I do know you, Celestia, I know you well.” You snap your talons, producing a roadblock with Celestia’s face on it. You don a construction helmet and wield a hammer as you continue your speech. “You wish to try to stop Anon and his ridiculously stupid quest to reform Chryssy. Well, let me tell you...” You take the hammer, and smash the barricade to pieces. “I won’t allow it this time. Despite the situation with your student, things have come along too far to let you put a stop to it now. So there! What do you have to say about that?”

Celestia nods. “I’d have to say you’re right, Discord. Given Twilight’s letter, I’d say I have no right to interfere at all.”

“Yes, exa-What?! What do you mean you have ‘no right’?! You’re Princess Celestia, a princess of Equestria! How does anything Twilight has to say bring you to such a decision? If anything, when Twilight tells me something, it makes me want to do the exact opposite!” How?! You were so prepared to bring her down and show her you were ultimately right, like you always are. How did she come to that conclusion on her own?! “Let me see that letter!” You say as you snap your talons to make it appear in your grip. You then begin reading.

“She made it very clear, Discord. She accepts the danger, and Anon accepts the responsibility. And if you look at the paragraph where she mentions that this all is a gigantic test for all involved, well, it made me think.” Celestia said as she began to gaze out the window. “Twilight is no longer my student. She is a princess, just like me, Luna, and Cadance. She has her own responsibilities, her own plans, her own way of doing things, her own destiny. Besides, this situation itself…” Celestia looks to you, she looked rather beaten, and yet, so accepting and happy about something. Sheesh, she must have broke. “Wouldn’t you say that I had put Equestria in danger when I released you?”

Guh! She did, didn’t she? You were in a position to lead Equestria into a glorious new era until Fluttershy managed to actually reform you. “I suppose. I wouldn’t call my plans dangerous however. I like to think of it as a much needed set of renovations to the land.”

“Mhmm, but still a danger in a pony's sense. There are also things like Starswirl’s spell, or even sending Twilight to Ponyville. Not to mention expecting her to stop King Sombra when he re-emerged from the darkness. I had put Twilight, her friends, and this land in danger many a time. I was foolish, and yet, I always felt Twilight could never fail, and she never has. Anon, I’d say, is now undergoing his own trial. And if Twilight is willing… No, if Twilight and her friends are going to stand by his side, and help him, then I have no reason to say anything about it. In fact, there is no need for the kind of meeting Twilight is asking for. She is the Princess of Friendship, and if she feels it will help Anon’s friendship with Chrysalis, then I’m sure she knows what she is doing. Given how she explained the situation, it already seems things are very much in their favor. You needn’t worry about my presence, Discord, I will only make myself known if I am needed for help or guidance.” Celestia explains as she slides away the letter with her magic, and places it back on her desk.

“So, you don’t mind that Twilight is being targeted for destruction?” You ask, befuddled by her reaction. “She made it clear that she is Chryssy’s sole focus.”

“Twilight herself understands that, there is nothing I can add that she and her friends don’t already know. Discord, I apologize if you had a whole stunt you were going to pull against me, but it is how I feel. If it makes you feel better, you can still make a threat towards me. I’m actually quite interested to hear what you were going to say to me.” Celestia said, as her smile became more genuine.

“Egh, why do I even bother with you? Even when I finally have the upper hand, you put a damper on things anyway. What would be the point to threaten you if there is no payoff?” You ask.

“I’m just interested. I don’t know if you know this, but I do find your chaos enjoyable when not used maliciously.” Celestia says.

W-was she complimenting you?! Well, you do deserve a compliment. The chaos you cause is perfect no matter the context.

“Well, in that case, I can astound you with the amazing threat I had planned for you. Prepare yourself, Celestia, as it is not my fault if you cower under your bed.” You start to grow as the room grows dark, with flames bursting on all sides as you point directly at her, speaking to her in a loud booming voice. “Celestia! Know this! Should you stand in my way, you will know nothing but pain and misery! I will force you into a place where everypony fears! That’s right, schooooooool! Nopony enjoys school, we all know it! How ironic would it be to be made into a young filly by use of my magic! And then furthermore, forced to attend the school you yourself founded! Haha! Cower and weep, or do you wish to incur my wrath!?”

Celestia just stood there for a moment, and then began to ponder as she brought her hoof to her chin. “That doesn’t sound too bad at all. It’d give me a chance to learn what all the little fillies and colts are into. I’d love to bring a smile to their face by making or funding something that piques their interest.”

WHAT?! You shrink back to normal as the room returns to its original state. “You can’t just say that! How could you even think that?! Enjoy it?! Nopony enjoys school, nopony!”

“I enjoyed my time learning under Starswirl, as did my sister. If given the chance, I’d not mind it again either. Although, I do like your idea better, Discord. Perhaps a single day wouldn’t hurt.” Celestia said with a coy little giggle.

“I simply cannot believe this. All this tension going on and you just want to relive what must have been a dull childhood. Bah, I don’t have time for this, I don’t have time for you, and I don’t have time for this watch.” You hold up your arm to point out a faceless watch. “Seriously, your nonsense literally wiped this clock’s face off of Equestria. The nerve of you! Money doesn’t grow on trees, y’know!?” You say as you make a bag of bits grow out from the castle floor, grab it, and pocket it. “Now then, since you wish to be overly silly and just plain wrong, especially when compared to me, I’ll be going. And don’t you dare go back on your word. I can be quite the hypocrite, Celestia, so I’ll know best of all if you just decide to pull something like that.” You say as you waggle your talon at her. “Hmph, now if you excuse me, I need to replace my timepiece.”

“You have a good day, Discord. And don’t worry, you needn’t worry about me. I’m sure Twilight, Anon, and all their friends have the situation covered.” Celestia said as she gave you a sunny little smile.

You just narrowed your eyes at her, and snapped yourself away back to the house. The nerve of her! She managed to already resist being a nosy nose pony before you even got the chance to threaten her or even toy with her! And wanting to be a filly again, bah, now who would want that? In Anon’s case, he’s never been a colt before, so that doesn’t count.

Whatever, it will be fine. Once this is all over, it will be your time once again! Not like anything else could pop up to ruin everything. You're Discord! If something does show up to gain Anon’s total attention, you could easily deal with it yourself! Though, Fluttershy’s little sanctuary, can’t really do anything about that. And it does make her happy. Agh, thinking too much is hard, napping on the ground for awhile should do your chaotic body some good! In fact, why not just make it like a tropical paradise? Yes, a bed of hot coals is just what the doctor ordered!

Now, all you could hope for is Anon not screwing anything else up. He’s such a good friend, but ridiculously hard headed.

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