• Published 16th Jun 2018
  • 2,156 Views, 1,145 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 62 - The Morning of the Wedding

Author's Note:

before the actual Hiatus, i wanted to get this one chapter out

What proceeded after the fight wasn’t much. You and Starlight were both pretty much beat, and ready for bed. But given the high tension caused by the fight, you both had decided to just have a small conversation before hitting the hay. Starlight, of course, was still rather hyped about the plans you had sent her regarding planes and jets, and wanted to ask you how they were like, what was it like to fly in them, and how did it feel to move at such intense speeds. You were able to give her a basic answer for the first, a detailed answer for the second, and a less than informational answer to the third. Still, it gauged her interest enough to really want to give it all a go. Aside from that conversation, you both also talked about your friendship, or really, just trying not to ruin said friendship with such frivolous bullshit. Finally, you spoke to her about her and Trixie moving to Ponyville, you really wanted to know why that was.

Starlight’s explanation, however, was much more simple than you thought it’d be. She said that it was time for her to move on from the town. She felt she did enough to redeem herself, and help the town grow into an actual functioning place, that and the whole election thing was getting tiresome. She wanted to further her studies in magic, friendship, and now thanks to you, gadgetry of the human variety. To do that, she not only felt Ponyville would be the best place to move to achieve her goals, but the fact that Twilight had actually offered her to stay at the castle was a plus when it came to having a place to work and have access to resources, including having the help of someone who was also very magically inclined. However, when it came to the friendship part, Starlight had in fact been interested in Twilight’s school, though not in a student sense. She wanted to see if she could teach at her school, the only thing was that she herself didn’t have any idea on what to teach. It seemed, however, that Twilight not only was more than willing to employ her, but also felt she had the perfect place for her. Starlight mentioned that her work with the town, her own self improvement, and somehow even befriending Trixie and keeping you as a good and mutual friend made her perfect as a guidance counselor, even mentioning that it was almost as if it was fated to be.

However, to you, that was just kind of dumb. Mostly on the ‘you’ part. You were easy to get along with and super lovable! How could Twilight compare you to Trixie when it came to maintaining a friendship? God, she can be so damned stupid at times. However, despite your internal conflict with Twilight’s thoughts, you congratulated Starlight, and even mentioned you were happy to have her living so close, as it’d make it easier to visit since you go to Ponyville much more often than you do her town. Sure, you had a portal, but most of your dealings were in Ponyville...so, y’know.

After the ridiculous, almost expository conversation, you felt tired and wished Starlight a goodnight. Though she herself said she actually wasn’t planning to go to bed. She still had to explain things to Scootaloo when she showed up, and had some other business to attend to. She mentioned that a good sleep was most important for you, since it was your moment. Yeah, it was your moment, wasn’t it? In that case, you bid her goodnight once again, and headed into the tent. It was surprisingly simple inside, with only two foal sized bedrolls. It must have meant that Starlight slept in the other tent... Wait, did she have to sleep with the clones? Oy, now that just sounded like a rape doujin waiting to happen.

And so the night passed…

“Anon! Anon! Wake up!” Yelled the familiar voice of a young filly

You merely batted your leg forward and turned, shifting your body on the... Bed? It did feel like you were suddenly on your bed now. “Mnngh, go away, I’m beat” You really did feel like you were thrown around in a fight, considering you were.

“Ugh! Of course. Alright Number Five, it looks like it’s up to us. Ready? Let’s do this. Gong!” Yelled the voice

Suddenly, the heavy low tone ringing of a gong rings in your ears, causing you to jump up in fright. “WAAAGGH!”

“Number Five, quick, the suit!” It was Scootaloo who was making the commands, and she seemed determined and ready to get you at that wedding in time. You also found yourself back in your room, not that it mattered at the moment. Scootaloo was standing on your bed as Number Five, who was on the side of it, materialized your wedding tux and tossed it above you. “Here I go!” Scootaloo jumps up, using the bed as a spring while she uses her wings to gain some lift to hop over you and pull down the tux upon you before you land.

“What’s going on?! Wha! What?!” You still didn’t realize what was happening due to the quick pace of it all. Were you missing something?!

“Number Five, brush!” As Scootaloo lands behind you, she catches a brush thrown by Five in her mouth, and begins to hold you down as she brushes at your mane.

“What the?! Hey! Hey! What’s going! OW! That hur-OOF! That’s my hair!” You whimpered and whined as Scootaloo did her work.

“Number Five! Locket and Sunglasses!” Scootaloo barked. Five then tosses her a pair of sunglasses and a small jewelry box. Scootaloo catches the box and quickly slips it into her pocket, as she herself was in a tux. She then catches the sunglasses, puts it on, and nods with a stoic expression. “He’s ready...”. After a moment though, she couldn’t contain herself as she smiled and hopped about “That was so cool! I can’t believe we actually managed that!”. Number Five simply put his thumb up, to signify approval.

“Ogh… What happened?” You finally had time to look around. Yep, you were back in your room, on your bed, with a clone of Discord and Scootaloo looking at you as if… Right, the wedding. You look down at yourself and notice the rather spritzy looking tux with the nice little white rose on the lapel. “Oh, geez! Am I late for the wedding?!”

“Oh, no, you’re not. We just wanted to make sure you’d wake up on time, so we woke you up just early enough.” Scootaloo said with a grin on her face. She didn’t mean any harm, but goddammit.

You groan as you slowly lift yourself out of bed and hop off “Gee, thanks” You say sarcastically. Sure, you’ve been better about waking up at a reasonable time, but if you could have gotten more sleep, then dammit, they should have let you sleep! Although, looking in the mirror on your dresser, you did look pretty snappy with your mane brushed so well and the tux looking so suave, Scootaloo did a pretty nice job. But then you notice something else. Beside your portal door laid a giant wooden chest with a golden trim. “What’s that?”

“Oh, the chest? That was Number Four’s idea, he said you’d get a kick out of it. I don’t know why, just looks like an ordinary treasure chest to me.” Scootaloo said with a shrug.

“Ok, but what’s inside it?” You’d get a kick out of it? Why? Was it a trap? Was Number Four not as smart and caring as he appeared? Or maybe this was supposed to represent something. Maybe something really cool was inside.

“Oh, I guess it’s whatever Starlight was working on with him all night. She mentioned it had something to do with the fight you both had. Sheesh, Anon, you two really got into it, huh? There were so many fallen trees and blast marks everywhere, it must have been some fight.” Scootaloo commented

“Yeah, it was. It wasn’t anything too big though, just testing my training out, that’s all.” You say near sheepishly. You didn’t know what Starlight told her, but goddamn did you hope she didn’t make you sound like an asshole.

“That’s pretty much what she said. I’m gonna have to ask Rainbow Dash if she’d fight me like that. Erm, you know, nothing too major, I just want to see how far I’ve come too, y’know?” It seemed Scootaloo wasn’t given the full details after all, and thought of your fight as just another form of training without the hostility. Seems she wanted to fight Rainbow Dash in the same way, but was scared of it being as intense as your fight was with Starlight.

“Y-yeah well, ahrm…” You cleared your throat, calming down after knowing you were now in the clear. “Anyyyyways, erm. So Starlight didn’t really go to bed last night? Did you know what she wanted to work on? Also, why Number Four? Isn’t Number One her assistant?” You said as you tapped at the chest.

“He is, but he actually isn’t too smart, especially compared to Number Four. She needed his help for some secret project thingy she wanted to get done before she went to bed. I guess it wasn’t anything too big since she got it done in a night, but apparently it was just big enough for her not to tell me what it was going to be. Honestly, whatever is in there, it has to be wicked cool! So c’mon already! Open it!”

Alright then, here you go. Time to see what she made you. Why would she make you something anyway? Yes, you were friends, but she still had to be somewhat salty about last night. You kind of were, if only because, in the end, there were no clear winners in that fight. So for her to make you anything, it made you feel rather humble. Starlight truly was a good friend, one you had to do better by.

You reach for the top of the chest and pop it back to see what was inside. But before you could react, a golden light began to spill from the chest as the Zelda chest opening theme began to play. Your eyes went wide, what was this? Starlight didn’t know what Zelda was, so this had to be the work of Number Four. But why? What was…

“Gyah! What’s going on?!” Scootaloo jumped back and hid under your bed, poking her head out as she shivered in fright “Anon, is it going to explode?!”

You said nothing as you reached inside with no fear, as if you were in a trance. When you bring yourself back up, you stand on your hind legs and hold your forelegs up high to reveal…

DA NA NA NA! It’s the Starlight Hook! A modification of your Grapple Hook created by Starlight and Number Four. With this, you’ll not only be able to use it to scale and swing across great distances, but it can be used in combat to grapple and then shock opponents with greater force than the taser. Powered by Starlight’s magic, as long as you don’t drain the battery, it will always naturally recharge, albeit slowly.

Scootaloo read all that from a small text box that appeared in back of you, and it was confusing to her. Why a text box, what even kind of thing was it? Why were you just standing there while the hook hovered over your hooves? Scootaloo slowly came out from under your bed, and just walked over to the text box, giving it a tap. “What the hay is all this? Anon, do you kno- What the, are you crying?”

You were, you were so damn happy to get to experience something like this without it being a trap or blowing up in your face. “Scoots… I just, I… Do you know that feeling you get when you make Rainbow Dash super proud of you?”

“Yeah, it’s one of the greatest feelings in the world! Why?” Scootaloo asked, still confused.

“This is like that, but like a million times more.” You say with a sniffle, this was so goddamn golden.

“What? That’s just sounds dumb, it’s just you holding up your new grapple hook thing. It’s cool that you got one, but there’s no-” But you stop her with sudden angry barking.


Scootaloo hops back, startled “Yikes! Alright, alright, whatever you say. Geez, sometimes I just don’t understand you sometimes and-” Scootaloo hears a tapping, it was Number Five tapping at a watch on his arm. “Oh, oh right! Anon, we gotta go, we gotta get you to that wedding!”

“I can’t, Scootaloo” You say, still sobbing.

Scootaloo rolls her eyes, now annoyed by whatever it was that fascinated you “Ok, I get it, this is super cool for you. But Anon, we really gotta go! So cut it out already.”

“I can’t…” You say again

“Why can’t you?” Scootaloo asked, now really annoyed.

“I’m stuck.” You really were, you couldn’t move from your position. It was like someone had to advance the… OH GODDAMMIT!

“What do you mean you’re stuck?” Scootaloo asked as she walked over to you. She gave you a gentle shove, but you wouldn’t budge an inch. “Oh, you’re stuck stuck.”

“Yes… I’m stuck stuck” You said, feeling annoyed. Dammit Four, either this was intentional or he somehow forgot that chaos magic can go too far. “You gotta find a way to remove that text box thing. That’s what’s keeping me stuck.”

“This? Huh…” Scootaloo brought her hoof to it, but nothing happened, her hoof went right through “Come on! Stupid thing!” She swung her hoof at it, but still, nothing happened. “Did Number Four really do this? This seems kind of… Oh wait!” Scootaloo looked to Number Five “I bet this is why you stuck around, right, Five? Could you do something about this?”

Five nods, and produces an Nintendo 64 Controller from thin air and presses the ‘A’ button, making the text completely disappear. You also weren’t ready for it as the grappling hook falls on your face, causing you to fall forward onto the ground, right onto your face. “Oof! N-ngh…”. How humiliating, all you had to do was just catch it and slip it on, and instead you just let it fall on your face.

“Come on, Anon. Stop fooling around!” Scootaloo helps you up and brushes off your tux “You’re getting your suit dirty! Wow, no wonder you’re never ready for anything, you’re always goofing around.”

You just grumble to yourself, picking up the grapple hook as you lament on your humiliation. You take a look to see the changes, and indeed, Starlight made some major modifications. One, the thing was a little heavier to hold, secondly, the entire harness was recolored to Starlight’s coat and mane colors, thirdly, there was a blue glowing tube lining the top of the apparatus, shining with blue electricity from within, and finally, there was an extra switch that looked like your Taser’s trigger. Heh, so that’s it, her and Four fused your taser and your grappling hook together. Interesting, this could be useful. But goddamn, the Starlight Hook? Could she be any more narcissistic? Whatever, it'll be fine, it's not that bad a name. You decide to leave it on your dresser for now, you had a wedding to go to. “Come on, Scoots, relax. You said we were early, right?”

“Early enough, but we still need to get you all set for the wedding. You know, instructions and stuff. Mrs.Rich is scary enough as it is, I don’t wanna see her start ripping heads off because something went wrong. I don’t even really see the point in all this, weddings are neat and all, Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor’s was rad… Y’know, after… Never mind. I’m just saying, a fake wedding seems dumb.” Scootaloo said as she walked over to your portal door, set the dial to Ponyville, and opened the door. Peering through, she could see the ponies outside town hall were all a bustle. “Never mind, I can already see Mrs. Rich being upset. Everypony wants in on this thing. See? This is what I mean. If this was a normal wedding, everypony would be allowed in. but for some reason, it has to be all ‘imperfect’ and everything. And that’s just, like, mega dumb. I don't see what's so 'imperfect' about not letting more ponies in”

"It's just how she wants it, that's all. She wants it to be nothing to write home about. Weird, but I can understand why." You walk over next to Scootaloo, and peer through the door. Oh geez, she wasn't kidding, there were ponies everywhere. “Yeah, yikes, it’s just like at the coliseum, have I really become that big?”

“Yeah, you kind of have. You did just beat a dragon without even trying, and even though everypony thought the end of the test was just part of the show, it was still really spectacular. And do I even need to mention the whole Storm King thing? Of course everypony is gonna wanna see this, especially since the Riches are also really popular. I guess that’s why Starlight is head of security, she and the Discord clones have to handle this big mess. Speaking of, hey Number Five, I don’t wanna keep you any more than I have to, you can go now. And thanks!” Scootaloo smiles at him, and gives him a wave.

Number Five points at her with his talon and paw, smirks, and does a clicking noise with his mouth before disappearing in a flash of light.

“There he goes, so what do I have to do exactly, Scoots?” You ask, feeling a tad nervous of having to go through a crowd.

“Right now? We gotta get you to Town Hall so you can be told what you gotta do. Y’know, how to walk the aisle, help you with your vows, your cues, and all kinds of stuff. I already know what to do, I just gotta be ready to give you the locket. It’s no problem, Anon, you’re gonna do fine.” Scootaloo said in a way to reassure you as she gives you a pat on the back.

You had to admit to yourself, you were a little nervous. It was a fake wedding, but all eyes would still be on you. You felt like just staying in bed. But if you did, Mrs.Rich would never let you live it down. Hell, none of the Riches might. “Well, alright then, let’s get going.”

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