• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter



With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 89 - Why Two Mares? The Sexening

With the campaign over, and it getting rather late… Actually, it was much later than you all actually thought, nearly midnight really. Spike, who is normally not up this late, already started to feel the sleep come over him. It didn’t surprise you, you all did do a campaign in one night after all, so it made sense you’d all feel more tired than you should, hence Spike falling over right then and there on the floor. Diamond just slowly walked over to you with a yawn and nuzzled closely to you, falling asleep as she whispered about how much she loved you, and wanted to raise the future foals you both would have, and how she couldn’t wait to tell them the stories of their heroic father. You? You just couldn’t wait to start making the little guys, but it’s fine, you were fine letting her nuzzle on you as you cuddled and rubbed your chin on top of her head, sliding her tiara down ever so slightly as to not poke yourself. She was fine being teleported straight home tonight, she was too tired to be fully romanced. Of course, she couldn’t wait to see you again, that was always a thing. After that, it was time for you and Discord to return home as well. So with a simple snap of his talons, you were both teleported back to your room, with you planted right on your bed with your gear put to the side and your horn around your neck.

Discord himself was stretching himself with a long yawn, preparing himself for sleep… You think, you never knew if the guy actually slept. “Well, Anon, I think that went well, despite the disappointing final act…” Discord stopped there, then looked to you with a soft and almost needy smile “Well, maybe not disappointing. I’m actually overjoyed to know that you were able to defeat Sombra. I would say it was made easier due to him not understanding the rules, but he still had plenty of power to still be a ‘threat’.”

“Yeah, considering the form you gave him, I’d figure he could have done a lot of dangerous stuff if he understood how it worked. Still, I don’t think I could have handled his fucking attitude for much longer anyway. The guy is so… So…” You couldn’t exactly think of a word for it.

“High and mighty?” Discord says as he gives you a mischievous grin.

“Yeah, that’s ex- waiiiit! Ok, c’mon, don’t do that. Don’t ruin the fun ride by being a dick.” Discord was actually being pretty rad for most of the day, sans the clone business. A great deal, him being nice, a fun adventure, and you got to show up an MLP villain. It was the end of the day and you really didn’t want the mood ruined.

“Alright, alright, I can wait another time. But… Did you truly have fun? Diamond said you did, but… I suppose I just wanted to hear it from your mouth. Just a clear answer, now that the game is over.” Discord said, still seeming soft and needy… Was he, did he? Huh, he actually really cared what you thought?

“I had fun, I thought it was pretty rad up until Sombra showed up. Man… Well, y’know? Applejack getting crushed by a rock made up for that, haha! But no, seriously? I really did. Kudos to you, Discord, I actually enjoyed myself.” You tell him with a grin, actually satisfied with the adventure.

Discord had to turn away from you. He took a stance of pride as he walked forward, arms to his back. But his eyes were watering, he was happy that he managed to give his good friend and chaos buddy a good time. “Splendid… I am happy to know my work is appreciated…” He stopped to remove a tear from his cheek. “But we should move on to actual business. You’ll be happy to know your unlimited magic starts at midnight, as per our agreement.”

“I figured… Also, I know you get all teary eyed if you try to get all serious like that, especially with your back turned. Heh…” You hopped up on all fours and looked to Discord with a great big grin. “No need to hide it, dude! But… Wait… Why are you all happy about it? Unless…” Ahh geez, he really did want you to enjoy O&O, didn’t he? That was it, wasn’t it? “Discord… Look, I’m sorry if I ever upset you with all the times I declined playing O&O. I mean, you could respect my decision and all… But I guess I could also not be an ass pained doofus about it. I’ll have a regular go with you guys the next time I have the chance, ok? Don’t cry though… Like seriously, I don’t want the room flooded.”

Discord turned around to reveal his tearful joy. He walked over to you, and started to give you a gentle pat. “Ah, Anon… It wasn’t exactly that, but it was mostly something like that. You really do have my thanks, and I am happy to share my time with you whenever it’s not boring. Aha, but… It is getting rather late and I’d rather not continue to be so vulnerable. So, tell me, will you be going out soon or will you be saving it for the morning?”

“Huh? Oh, you mean the horn. Uhhh, I should sleep since I gotta deal with Celestia tomorrow. Oh, actually… Discord, can I get your opinion on something?” You had a sudden plan to make a grand entrance to Canterlot Castle. Nothing mean, but you wanted your presence known.

“My opinion? You want my opinion?” Discord actually seemed surprised and intrigued. “On what, exactly?”

“Well, I kind of wanna make a grand entrance. Y’know, seem all badass without actually pissing Celestia off. I mean, I’ll have unlimited power, so why not show it off? Here’s what I’m thinking: She’s having her breakfast, maybe drinking some coffee… Then suddenly, a beam of light hits the entire castle. As she looks out the window to figure out what happened, feathers of pure white start falling around the room as I appear in an even more brilliant blue flash in the air. Then I slowly descend, looking down at all I survey… Pretty good, right? I’m thinking it’ll just leave her speechless.” You knew how to leave Celestia speechless in many ways, but since you had to not lose her favor, you wanted to do it in a way Discord would, as it always seems Celestia is in a pretty good mood when he pulls his usual antics in front of her.

“Ha! Very nice, although it doesn’t sound like your usual bag of tricks. But hmmm… How odd, I’m surprised you didn’t think of adding a choir to your entrance. Something that literally sings ‘Anon’. That should make it perfect, I think.” Discord slid a talon along his cheek and down his chin, scratching ever so gently as he thought “No, more than perfect. Remember to make it a little obnoxious in case she tries to speak over it, but not too obnoxious as to ruin your chances in gaining her favor.”

“Yeah, that actually will work. Not too obnoxious, got it! Thanks, Discord… Heh…” You let yourself fall backwards, feeling the sleep coming upon you. “Really, thanks… You’re the greatest…”

“I…” Discord found himself almost saying ‘I know I am’, but stopped… He didn’t want to be an ass this time, he didn’t want to ruin the moment. So he just took a bow, and said “...Am great, but only because… No never mind, I was going to say something sickly sweet but I’m simply not in the mood. But I would suppose you know how I feel without saying it and that should be enough. Good night, Anon, I wish you luck on your meeting with Celestia. As for me… Ugh, I might as well practice resisting improving Twilight’s first day of her school. As much as I think the students would appreciate a fun first day, even I understand Twilight needs her moments, her chance to shine. I’ll figure something out for later though, I always do.”

“I know you will. Night, Discord. Thanks again for the fun” You say weakly, as you feel yourself drift off into dreamland.

Well, not completely, at least not the dreamland you were hoping to appear in. The first thing you notice is that you had full control of yourself and were aware of what you were doing. Next, you found yourself in a familiar endless starry space, and finally, you knew there was only one mare who could cause this. Like, holy fuck, was Luna still on this? “...Ok then. Princess Luna, seriously? Are you serious? You’re still on this?” You call out to her as you look around “Where are you? I mean, geez.” Like, it was funny before, but now it was getting a little sad. How badly did she want you to wreck her mind?

“HAHAHA! I am, Anon. I have bided my time, and figured out a way to best you in this contest of morality!” Bellowed Luna’s voice from God knows where “I realized that you’re much too corrupt for I alone to make you see reason. That is why I have employed the help of my sister to show you the error of your ways and make you see that you are wrong! Prepare yourself, Anon. You shall not have your way this time!” She called out further as a large amount dark blue smoke began to flow towards and then past you. Oh holy crap, Celestia is here?! Ah fuck it, never mind, this is gonna be fucking gold! Hell, they both want to thought police you? Well then, time to make them see how wrong they really are.

“Sister? Sister? Luna? Where is the foul monster that torments you so?” Called out the voice of Celestia, her visage appearing through the smoke as she seemed to be wandering about trying to find something. “Please, it’s been days, Luna. Whatever this nightmare is, we can defe-” But as the smoke begins to clear, Celestia herself is able to see you come within her vision. She paused, looking rather confused. “Anon?... Oh no, please tell me you have nothing to do with my sister’s loss of mind. What did you do?” Hoo boy, it seemed she actually had no clue what was going on. Are you fucking serious? Luna didn’t tell her? What, did she just say 'Sister, help me!' and that was it? And fuck, she’s already putting you on the chopping block. Well fuck that…

You retaliate by pointing your hoof towards Celestia while angrily saying “Hey, I have nothing to do with this. She came into my dreams and then decided to be the thought police! Like, she’s been antagonizing me just because she doesn’t like what she sees!”

Luna, like some child who had been accused of wrongdoing, just blinks into existence beside Celestia, angrily pointing back at you. “He lies! What he has been imagining are things most foul! I have been trying to show him his wrongs but he refuses to listen!”

Was she serious?! “They’re my dreams and my thoughts! It’s not like I’m acting on them or anything! I mean, hell, she tried to use my thoughts against me and… heh” Just thinking about having them cuties around you made you chuckle and blush somewhat “Well, me and her both know how that turned out.”

Luna’s mouth scrunched in frustration. “Do you see what I mean, Sister?! Foul! Utterly and completely disgusting!”

Celestia just looked utterly confused. At first, you thought she was going to say something to you, but instead she looks to Luna with a heavy sigh. “Are you telling me you had me worried sick for days, with you locking yourself in the royal archives, because Anon had ‘foul’ thoughts? For Equestria’s sake, Luna, we’ve seen the abominations inside Anon’s mind before… No offense… Why is it now that it bothers you so?”

“Sister! This is much worse than clowns and horrifying butterfly like creatures! Much worse!” Luna was now on the defensive, unable to believe that Celestia seemed to be more mad at her than you.

“I’m sure it is. And if it was anypony else, there’d be cause for alarm. But this is Anon, who at this point I’m sure has imagined much worse since then. This was not worth you risking your health, nor does it require my presence.” Wow, Celestia was actually regally standing up to Luna. Ok, sure, it did make you sound pretty bad. But fuck, it was your thoughts, you were entitled to have them.

“S-sister! H-how can you take the situation so lightly? Mnnghhh!” Luna wasn’t having this, she was too close to her goal to have it taken away because Celestia thought it was not worth looking into. No, Luna would do whatever it took to prove that she was right in this situation. Her horn began to glow as ponies began to appear before you all. “Fine then, we will go straight into the issue. Behold, my sister, the thoughts that Anon wishes to surround himself with. Thoughts that need purification, not just for Equestria’s sake, but for his own. I had held off telling you about this when I required your aid, but now... BEHOLD, TRUE FOULNESS!” She lets out the the Royal Canterlot voice on that last one.

The ponies that appear are all royal guard stallions and mares, all approaching and then licking at the body of… OH HOLY SHIT! HAHA! HOLY FUCK, LUNA, YOU SERIOUS?! Luna created a dream Celestia who was laying on a bed, moaning softly as she laid on her back, spread, as the royal guards began to lick at her neck, chest, lips, belly, and legs. It was pretty damn hot, although a lot of the naughtier bits were obviously being censored out.

“What?! What is this?! Luna, what is going on?!” Celestia finally seemed horrified by what she was seeing, it seems she had never seen anything this degenerate before. And this was certainly something she’d never do.

“Isn’t it obvious, sister?” Luna says in a more calm yet dominating voice, finally feeling like her side was getting through. “These are the kinds of thoughts that pass through Anon’s mind. He enjoys such thoughts, even when they don’t include him. It does not matter who he imagines, as they always end up in a state similar to this. Truly degenerate, in such a way that I truly feel he needs saving. This vision here, is still but a portion of what he thinks of… As this situation can be made far worse.”

Celestia just looked at you, wide eyed, in disbelief. “Anon… Do these thoughts truly pass through your mind?”

Ahh dammit. why did you suddenly feel guilt? Your ears began to fold as a horrid thought passes through your mind. If Celestia was gonna be pissed off at you here, then what kind of chance were you going to have tomorrow? Maybe, if you just save face… “I mean, yeah. It’s just how we humans imagine stuff. I-” But you are unable to finish as Celestia, in a commanding tone, tells you to be silent. She then looks to Luna.

“Tell me, Sister. How much were you truly affected by such thoughts?” Celestia asks Luna, in a rather cold manner.

“You can see it for yourself, Sister. I am glad you are starting to see why I was affected so deeply, as such things had never been heard of in Equestria. Mares on mares, multiple stallions on single mares, with such actions like the one we see before us. This kind of thinking has no place in Equestria, and I feel it needs to be purged. Although, I’d also like to state that I do not think lowly of Anon, as he is still a friend and a hero… But even he must understand why such thoughts cannot be allowed. Certainly we’d never think of such thoughts.” Luna says, also sounding quite regal and official.

“Yes… You’re correct.” Celestia then turns to her dream created self still being lick-pleasured by the guards. “Perhaps remove the mares from the equation and this might be something fun to think about from time to time.”

“Yes, that seems more logical to- WHAT?!” Luna jumps back and nearly falls over in surprise. “SISTER?! PLEASE TELL ME THOSE WORDS DIDN’T ACTUALLY LEAVE YOUR LIPS!”

Wut? Were you dreaming? Well, yeah you were… But wut?

“Oh, come on…” Celestia said as she rolled her eyes at Luna “Yes, what we are seeing now is a little much. But that’s to be expected from Anon, because well… It’s him, it honestly doesn’t surprise me. I’m just surprised it bothers you so much.”

“You can’t be serious! Of course this bothers me! It should bother you too! H-he has even imagined us! Sisters! Doing such things to each other! In ways that would be for a stallion and a mare to produce a child! Two mares, Sister! It doesn’t make sense!” Luna’s eyes were wide as her pupils shrunk, holy crap, she was bugging out at the fact that her sister, Celestia, seemed so calm about it.

“Anon… have you imagined such a thing? Despite your obligations to your marefriend?” Oh shit! OH SHIT! How could you fucking justify that?! Ngh, come on, you’re human! Just explain it! C’mon, don’t be a pussy! Fuck man, ponies don’t understand shit!

“Hey! C-c’mon! It’s not like I’d actually try to do that with either of you! Or anypony really! Those thoughts are just really hot to me! I’d never actually betray Diamond like that! Honest! You’re a pony! So you j-just don’t get it! That’s how we humans roll!” Dammit, C’mon… Fuck man, you were toast!

“Ok… So if I offered to push that fake version off that bed so we could do similar things to one another, you’d say no? And I mean doing such things right now.” Celestia said, finding it difficult to hide her own smirk.

Both you and Luna’s jaw dropped at those words. You blushed deep… Was she… Offering to fuck you?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GOD NO! YOU COULD FUCK CELESTIA, BUT THAT’D MAKE YOU THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER! GYAAAHHH! You fall to the ground, whining. “DAMMIT! NOOO! WHY COULDN’T YOU MAKE THIS OFFER BEFORE THINGS GOT SERIOUS! IT’S NOT FAIR! IT’S NOT FAIR!”

“There, you see? He’s devoted, nothing to worry about.” Celestia tells Luna with a nod.

“NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT?! WHAT ABOUT THE WORDS THAT LEFT YOUR LIPS, SISTER!” Luna bellowed out as she pointed accusingly at Celestia “MY OWN SISTER! INTO SUCH… THINGS! HOW COULD YOU?!”

Celestia lets out a tired sigh, smiles, and shakes her head. “Oh… I’m sorry. I suppose living over a millennia, I had never ever seen such handsome young stallion guards in such a way that I’d imagine them servicing me in such acts as hoof massages, feeding me, and much snuggling as well. Although, we both know I have and have imagined such things. Luna, are you going to seriously lose your mind trying to lecture Anon on such matters when similar thoughts have crept into your mind? Hmmm?”

“A-ah, ah… That’s… That’s simply not true! I-I am the Princess of the Night! I am regal and just! Erm… With only one one thousand long instance of being evil.” Luna began to falter, stepping back as she began to blush ever so slightly. “I’d never even imagine such a thing!”

“Oh, and I’m sure you’re right. Just like I’m sure your stay on the moon had never once made you imagine, even as Nightmare Moon, the company of stallions at all.” Celestia said, doing her best to seem serious as her lips began to further crack into a smile.

Luna began to blush harder, but pointed towards Celestia anyway and said “You’d make light of such a situation?!”

“I’m not hearing a no.” Celestia said, locking her eyes with Luna’s.

“Gyah!... Ah! But… It’s nowhere near as bad as he imagines it!” Luna points over to you, as she now entered the defensive.

Wait… Hold on… “WAIT! ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU IMAGINED HAVING FUN WITH MULTIPLE STALLIONS! YOU HYPOCRITE! SHEESH! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?! HUH?!”

“G-mnngh! It’s still not as… Come on… Don’t look at me like… OK FINE! I’D LOVE TO BE IN THE COMPANY OF VERY HUNKY STALLIONS, I ADMIT IT! But, Sister! TWO MARES! That makes no sense! Mares wouldn’t do such a thing!” Luna was desperate, to the point she’d rather not be seen as a loser rather than being morally right.

“Its over, Sister. Let me tell you something I have told you long before. Everypony, including you, I, and Anon, have our ways to entertain our thoughts. There is no wrong way to fantasize, Luna, I’ve said this to you before. Anon, I think, is a prime example of that saying. His imagination, from anypony who wishes to be ignorant, can be seen as dangerous and violent. But we both know better, that it just seems to be part of his human nature. Let it go, Luna, it’s over. You have a duty to uphold, and I have an…” Celestia looks over to her dream self again, then back to Luna “Interesting dream to try.”

Luna’s eye twitched, she raised her hoof to try to counter… But she had nothing more to counter with, especially knowing that she did have a job to do in defending the dreams of those who rely on her. Even more so, she knew what Celestia meant by those words, but she feared that Celestia would put her further in her place in such a way that she might be seen as an actual degenerate. So she folds, and sighs in defeat. “Fine… I shall leave it be. B-but I better not be judged for having such dreams myself! You hear me! I will haunt both your dreams should such a fabrication and twisting of stories come out!” She then looked to you, still grumpy faced, and said “And to you, Anon. I apologize… But I swear, if you tell anypony...”

“Nope! Nope! Haha! Secret is safe with me! But you know…” Fuck it, it seemed Celestia was on your side, so it’d be safe to say it. “Multiple Stallions would mean… Y’know, two stallions. Sure, they’d be on you, buuuut don't you think that totally proves that you totally do imagine the same kind of-” But you are cut off as Luna adorably barks at you in anger.

“ENOUGH! I HAVE WORK TO DO! GOODBYE!” And with that, Luna disappeared in a flash of light as a door appeared, opening for Celestia so she may leave to her own dreams.

Celestia just giggled, and let out a sigh of relief. “Well, I’m glad that’s over with. She was almost like a zombpony due to the lack of sleep she was getting. I better be going myself, I have to be ready in the morning. Oh, and don’t worry about this. I already understood you most likely had such thoughts given how you look when among ponies that catch your attention… Such as myself.”

You blush deep, feeling those feelings, feelings that you thought you had better control of. Considering you were pretty much a hornball when you first came to Equestria. “U-umm, well. Umm.. I mean, if you’re gonna come on to me liiike that. Erm… I mean, it’s all just a dream, right?” S-she seemed to know what was up. She knew what sex was.

“Heh, Anon… Even if I somehow was willing, I’d crush your little body, even in a dream. Now, I’m serious, I need to be going. I need to be ready and fresh in the morning for when you arrive. Good night, Anon, pleasant dreams.” Celestia says with a cute wink as she walks over and into the door, disappearing upon entry.

You fall flat on your face, whining. Goddammit! You let your libido make you look like a doofus! Agh! Sure, Luna is off your back, but at what price?! Making you look the fool?! DARNIT! Wait, the Dream Celestia was still there… Heheheh, and you were still very lucid. Looks like this night wouldn’t be a total waste after all. Just walk over and…

Wait, did she know you were going to see her tomorrow? DID SHE KNOW YOU WERE COMING?! HOW?! GODDAMMIT! YOU CAN’T EVEN MAKE YOUR COOL ENTRANCE SINCE SHE’D BE EXPECTING IT! GODD-

In your shocking realization, you actually end up waking up from your lucid dreaming. Upon looking around and realizing you had awoken and lost your chance at actual lucid sexy times with A Celestia, you only had one word to say.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”

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