• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 103 - All In

Christ, the Everfree, as you both went deeper, you really started to learn why everyone stayed out of the deeper portions of it. You had to slap down flyders, blast through a cragodile, but worst of all was when you got eaten by a gigantic plant. You had to think fast in escaping it, and as it turned out, making yourself extremely spicy caused it to spit you out in a glob of Mother Nature’s spit. Even worse, the spell you cast to get it off you caused all of your coat and mane to fly off with it. The only way it seemed that you were going to get it back was to use water to have it grow at a decent but embarrassing pace. At the point you are at now, both of you were close to Chrysalis, and only some of your coat and very little of your mane has grown in so far, making you look like a half bald weirdo. And boy, did it make you sour.

“Anon, you don’t look that bad.” Diamond said as she stepped alongside you “Erm, at least it’s growing back.”

“Egghh…” You muttered as you just focused on the map, not doing a good job of hiding your mood.

“Come on, I only laughed once. It, well, it… Mnnn…” Diamond sighed and looked away for a moment, then looked back to you as she thought of something to say. “Are you saying you wouldn’t laugh if, say, Snips and Snails ended up like that?”

“Egh… Maybe, I dunno.” You stop to tap at your head. Your mane was still coming in, you could feel it, but it just wasn’t there yet. Your coat, it still felt rather thin and you could see patches of your skin through it. “I guess?”

“You totally would! Because it would be funny! Also, I still think you look good, so that should be the most important thing, right?” Diamond said, doing her best to cheer you up.

“No, having magic that just works would be nice right now. It either works too well or not the way I want it to. I swear Dad has it rigged to do this to me at times, because he never has any problems with his magic ever.” You say with a groan. Hell, looking at the map, you could already tell Chrysalis was going to mock you so hard for this since it looked like you were going to reach her before the spell completes. You couldn’t just dawdle either, lest another creepy crawly decides to show up.

“Well… I have noticed that your magic works really weird and stuff. But, uh, since you’re growing your coat and mane back like a plant, wouldn’t using something to make it grow faster help?” Diamond suggested.

“Something to help it grow faster? Huh…” Yeah, there was some merit to that. Actually, why couldn’t you do that? It’d be something Discord might do, so it has to work. “Y’know, Diamond, I think that might work. Good thinking.” You compliment her as you slap your horn on your head. All you had to do was think of some miracle grow or some other spray to help things along and you’d be golden.

Diamond beamed a big smile, feeling great to be of use, while feeling a little arrogant at the same time. “Of course. You gotta remember, Anon, that I’m high class. Therefore, I totally have a higher way of thinking. In fact, chaos doesn’t seem that tough, I bet I could handle casting a spell or two if that’s all it takes to use it.”

Diamond, using the horn? That’s a scary thought, especially if she had any schemes that involved you and her getting closer than you already are. Hell, in that case, you two would probably end up stuck to one another in the literal sense. “Heh, it takes more than smart thinking to use this horn, Diamond. You gotta have pizzazz. You always gotta think outside the box, have a good knowledge of puns and punchlines, and never ever think of the most straightforward solution to a problem, because it never works. For example, the way I’m growing my hair back is already chaos worthy, but with your method mixed with my knowledge of plants, I can make it grow to an instant with… That isn’t miraclsDGDGFSD” And so, you summoned up a pile of fertilizer right above you, which then fell right upon you.

“U-ummm, Anon?” Diamond backed off a little as the smell immediately began to spread from the pile, while also making her rethink her decision on wanting to use chaos magic. “A-are you ok?”

You pull yourself from the pile, fully restored, and full of stink, the smell itself overwhelming you as you come out in a deluded stupor. “I swear to god, when I get my hands on McFly, I’m gonna break him in two.”

“Anon? Who’s Mcfly?” Diamond asked before her face scrunched up from the smell. “Ewww, ohh, that’s reaaallllyyy bad.”

McFly? OH wait, this wasn’t ‘Back to the Future’. “Huh? Oh, oh geez… OH, oof. That’s bad. Hold on!” Ugh, it was literal crap. God, it smelled like shit, and it was all over you. You use your horn one last time, causing your coat to fuzz up instantly from a touch of a single drop of soap that appeared over your head. You smelled lemony. Hell, another droplet fell upon the pile of fertilizer, turning it into a giant lemon.

Diamond then began to giggle. “Hahahaha! Anon, you look ridiculous EEK!” And upon reflex of wanting some revenge, you force one more droplet to appear and fall onto Diamond, making her coat clean as it puff up in the form of a ball.

“You’re right, you do look ridiculous! Hah!” You let out a laugh of your own, chuckling at how goofy she looked.

“Ok ok, I get it.” Diamond rolled her eyes at you, then chuckled a little “I feel really clean though. But how do we get our coats back to normal?”

“This should be more simple, just summon some brushes and…” With that, you made all sorts of brushes and combs appear to fix both you and Diamond up proper. Ah, that was a hell of a chaotic combo right there. And fuck, now you both looked snazzier than ever before, almost shiny even. You didn’t know what you were going to do with that lemon though, probably just good to leave it.

You both continued on your trek, already close to your destination within the deeper parts of the forest.

And then, there she was. Or rather, you both could hear her faintly behind some bushes. Fucking finally, the time has come.

“A-Anon, is that her?” Diamond asked as she felt a tad jittery. She looked upon the bush, feeling nervous about looking through it.

“Sounds like it. Diamond, look…” You sigh, god, this was really it. This had to go well, and so, Diamond had to be as prepared as you were. Chrysalis was crafty and still very against the idea of reforming, so you were going to need Diamond to back you up, as a ‘wife’ would. “This isn’t Nymous. Well, it is Nymous, but this is the actual her. She can be very mean, and she’s very cunning. You have to stand your ground with her, and not be afraid of her, alright?”

Diamond looks to you, and there was a sign of hesitation. But then she nodded and looked back to the bush with determination. “Alright. Besides, I think we understand each other enough. I think things will go well, like, perfectly.”

“Alright then…” You approach the bush and slowly peered through it to find out what was going on. Chrysalis was talking, yeah, but to who? No one had been answering her, and it was kind of hard to catch what she was talking about at all as she randomly went from near whispers to vengeful yelling. “Let’s see what’s going on first.” Huh, wut? Was she…

“...And once I have perfected the spell, I’ll have an Anon who is wil-Hm?” Chrysalis seemed to be talking to a… Painted rock with a changeling on it. Oh man, poor Chryssy, you didn’t realize she had gone down that hard. No wonder she wanted you dead, she really wasn’t thinking too rationally. And what was she talking about? You had no clue. However, the moment she heard a sound, she quickly ducked into the brush ahead of her.

“Anon? What happened? Where did she go?” Diamond asked.

You stop to look at your map. Aha, just as you thought. She was circling around to give the ole villainous jumpscare. “She’s coming around behind us. She’s going to try to spook us or maybe even attack us. Don’t worry, ok? She probably doesn’t even know it’s us, so she’ll probably stop the moment she knows we're here.”

“I get it, she’s just making sure she doesn’t get jumped. Makes sense.” Diamond said, understanding the situation.

“Yup, and she’ll be coming up on us in three, two…” And before you could even say one, Chrysalis, in the form of one of the smaller drone bugs from Starship Troopers, pops out with a hiss. It still manages to spook Diamond into jumping into the bushes, but you yourself just stand there, ready to greet her.

“WHO DARES COMES UPON MY LAIR?!” Chrysalis cries out in a voice most horrid.

“Hey, Chrysalis, what’s up?” You say with a cheery look, waving to her.

In an instant, Chrysalis’s form reverts to normal as she just looks upon you with confusion. She shifts her eyes left and right before letting them fall upon you again. “Anon? What? What are you doing- Oh no…” She then lets out a groan as she hangs her head low. “Please tell me you're seriously not here to try to reform me. I can just feel those emotions coming off of you. A little early, don’t you think? I’d have preferred a movie, or perhaps you willing to give my side of things a chance by at least helping me annihilate one princess.”

“Hello to you too, Chrysalis. And yeah, I’ve come to give it a shot. The ‘game’ and all that. You doing alright? I’ve been worried, y’know?” You tell her, being sincere in your words.

“Humph! Save your sentiments for your pony friends! You know where I’ve been! You know HOW I’ve been! Hiding here in this forest, my children taken away from me, having to plot on my own on how best to destroy Celestia for what she has done! You’re a fool to come here, Anon, I doubt you even came up with your own scheme to sway me.” Chrysalis said as she walked past you, back to her ‘lair’. You just looked back at her and looked at what it looked like. Well, besides some big ass leaves for rain protection and some painted on rocks, it really wasn’t anything else.

“Chrysalis, it’s not just about scheming, ok? Geez, can’t it also be me wanting to have a friendly visit with my friend? My friend being you? Why do you always gotta make it sound like an evil plot?” Like, seriously, it was such a one dimensional way of thinking.

“Fine, it’s a 'friendly visit', whoopty doo.” Chrysalis says with an eyeroll before plopping her butt on the ground. “So what does my good friend, Anon, want? Aside from wanting to reform me.” She says in a sarcastic tone.

“Like I said, I want to make sure you’re ok. I can… I dunno.” You look around as you slide your hoof along your horn. “Spruce this place up, actually make it a lair. Would you like that?”

Chrysalis doesn’t say anything at first, even looking away from you for a moment before saying, in an almost subdued way. “Yes, I’d like that. But I won’t owe you anything, understand?”

Well, that’s a good start. You look back at the bushes and see Diamond just observing. Seems she was waiting for her time to pop out to say hi. You give her a nod, to let her know things are fine, and that Chrysalis wasn’t going to hurt her. You then put on your horn and work your magic as a ton of tools appear and immediately start turning the surrounding area into a small home. Within a moment, you were in a single room building. The room was large enough to accommodate a very soft looking bed, some lights, a work table, and just for her, a TV with an mp4 player that had the movies she already watched, preloaded with Kill Bill volume 1 and 2 snuck in as well. Hell, it had to do with a killer bride, she was sure to love it. “There we are, nice and basic, perfect for customizing. This alright?” You ask her. “Even gave you a way to watch your favorite documentaries.”

“Hmmm…” Chrysalis walked over to the bed and gave it a simple push with her hoof. “Adequate, much better than what I had previously. Good to know that you still know how to treat your qu-WHAT?!” But when Chrysalis looks back at you, she could see Diamond was sitting right there behind you, the bush gone due to the work the magical tools had performed.

Diamond, knowing she got spotted, just nervously smiled and waved towards Chrysalis. “H-hi. I-I’m Diamond T-tiara, you remember me, r-right?”

Your eyes go wide when you realized what was going on. Sure, this is what you were expecting anyway. But dayum, it already seemed like it was a mistake.

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes at you as she slowly and menacingly stepped closer. “What is the meaning of this, Anon?”

“Woah, woah! Relax!” Dammit, take control of the situation, Anon. It’s now or never!... Fuck, but you didn’t really have too much of a speech prepared. Better improvise. “We came together to see you, Chrysalis. Remember how I said she cared about you? Well, she also wanted to make sure you were ok. You can sense that, can’t you?”

“H-he’s right.” Diamond said, daring to step closer as she joined you at your side. “I know you were Nymous, I know you say you’re evil and stuff. B-but, you still did a lot for me, and brought me closer to Anon. So of course I wanted to make sure you were ok too.”

Chrysalis just stayed silent for a moment, then she backed off just a tad before turning around and hopping on her bed, aggravated with the fact she could in fact sense Diamond’s love. “Well, this is different. I guess you were really telling the truth, how bothersome.”

“Why is it bothersome?” Diamond asked “Shouldn’t you be happy that we care about you?”

“I’m not.” Chrysalis says as she rolls onto her back and looks up at the ceiling. “If only because I actually have to consider not using you as food. Why are you even here? This is between me and him.”

“Because I wanted to see you. Because I felt bad that you didn’t stay for my ‘not real’ wedding because other ponies wouldn’t have accepted you.” Diamond explains to her, trying to appeal to her better nature.

“I didn’t stay because I didn’t want to stay. Why should I care about a false wedding? It’s not like it matters.” Chrysalis says, just blankly staring at the ceiling as she does so.

“But it does! Hmph…” Diamond says, suddenly becoming more brazen as she steps closer to Chrysalis. “You know, I was a schemer too. I wanted to torment the Cutie Mark Crusaders just because I felt I was better than them. I thought it’d make me feel better to crush their hopes since my mother used to crush mine! But then, thanks to the crusaders, I changed, and I’m happy about it.”

“And? What does that have to do with your ‘wedding’?” Chrysalis asked, her tone mocking.

“Because to me, you’re my sister, or at least a really good friend. And I would have shown them all that you are worth caring about! That deep in your heart, that you’re as good and caring as Anon. If all your children are good and nice, then you’re probably the best of them all!” Diamond said, standing tall as she poured her heart out on Chrysalis.

Chrysalis’s eyes glowed a furious green for a moment before she got out of bed and furiously stomped over to Diamond. “The best of them?! You think those traitors are worth caring about at all?! Let me tell you something, you naive thing. Princess Celestia and that traitor, Thorax, brought about the end of my hive and my rule! They tricked Anon, who I don’t blame because he’s an idiot, and corrupted my changeling children with their ‘friendship’ and ‘love’! You, who have lived a privileged life, can never EVER understand what was taken from me. And you…” Chrysalis then turned to you as Diamond fell back, shocked from Chrysalis’s outburst. “I need you to tell me if I still look good. Although I can transform, nothing will ever beat my magnificent figure and I wish to keep it that way.”

Wut? “Chrysalis!” You bark at her in defense of Diamond. “You insult my marefriend and then you ask that?! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Oh, betrayal, having to survive in a forest, my children being gone, I’m sure I’ve been over this. Plus, I didn’t want to have to say the same thing twice. Anon, you are, without a doubt, the most privileged out of anypony, even me. Plucked from your old life to a life where you are automatically loved, given power that can defeat alicorns, gained the love of a female without any effort, and treated as a grand hero without even really trying. Not to mention gaining a powerful family in both an element and spirit of chaos.” Chrysalis walks past the both of you, feeling rather smug in her retort “Really, your only downside is how easily manipulated you are. Not just by me, but by everypony else. And, little Diamond, don’t feel insulted, you just don’t fathom the inner rage I have deep inside. It’s not unlike the hatred all ponies have for me, the feelings are merely mutual, that’s all.”

“But I don’t hate you. And…” Diamond actually did feel hurt from her words, and it was true she couldn’t truly understand how she felt. But she also knew, due to the hatred she herself used to carry, that not everything Chrysalis was saying was factual. “The only reason anypony does is because of things you did in the past. Look at your children, they were hated too, right? Look, maybe they did become sissys, but they were also forgiven for what they did. Don’t you think you can be forgiven too? Nopony was taken from you, they were just shown a better way! Just like me!” Diamond stood tall, trying to brave things out, trying to convince Chrysalis there was a way.

“Aren’t you listening?! I HATE PONIES!” Chrysalis turned back around, and looked to Diamond with furious anger. “And what makes you think they’d forgive me? Hmm? I am evil incarnate! And just to prove it, I’ll make you my first meal of the day!” Chrysalis began to open her mouth. SHIT!

You reached for your horn to stop her. Dammit, you didn’t want to do it, but you had to! But, when you looked to Diamond, you could see her shaking her head at you, staying determined rather than frightened. She then lets out a sharp “Anon, don’t!”. What?! You shout at her that you had to, but again she told you don’t. And within that span of time, you had noticed… Chrysalis wasn’t going further. Diamond then looked to her, and nodded. Indeed, Chrysalis had not actually even begun to drain her. “...I knew you wouldn’t do it.”

Chrysalis closes her mouth and then looks to Diamond, confused a tad subdued. “And how could you be so sure? How do you know I didn’t just realize Anon would use his powers on me? Hm?”

“Because you wanted him to. Pllleeeeease.” Diamond said in a mocking tone, looking to Chrysalis with a smirk. “You think I can’t tell when somepony like you is faking it? My mother totally taught me how to catch on to stuff like that. You act too much like an upper class pony, just like me. You’re too obvious.”

“OBVIOUS?! I AM THE QUEEN OF THE CHANGELINGS! I CAN BE ANYTHING I WANT AT ANYTIME! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! BY WHAT LOGIC ARE YOU USING TO EVEN THINK I’D WANT TO BE ATTACKED! TELL ME!” Chrysalis did not like that insult at all. And what the fuck?! The hell was Diamond doing? She just shifted from disheartened to commandeering in an instant. What did she catch on to that you didn’t?

“Easy. You were getting totally frustrated. So frustrated that you probably just thought it’d be easier to make us hate you, that way you could just feel the way you wanna feel. Creatures of refinement, like us, do our best to stay composed and diligent to make sure our peers don’t get one over on us. So it makes it pretty easy to pick up on a few tells on something like, say, wanting a specific reaction. Plus, we all know that Anon’s dad was forgiven twice. You may be evil incarnate, but Tirek and Discord did almost ruin and rule all of Equestria. So if he can be forgiven, so can you.” Diamond tone was smug, looking to Chrysalis with an accomplished smirk.

Chrysalis lowered her head to about Diamond’s level, looking to her with narrowing eyes. “...Discord was betrayed BY Tirek.”

Diamond looks back to her, growing ever confident. “That doesn’t change the fact that he betrayed everypony else first. I also don’t hear you saying I’m wrong about wanting to be attacked.”

Chrysalis wrenched back in surprise. She was silent, thinking, defeated even? Chrysalis looks at you, then back to Diamond and narrows her eyes at her once again. “You little… I only have one thing to say to you.”

“And what’s that?” Diamond asked, ready for anything.

Chrysalis beckoned her closer, then began to whisper in her ear. During this, Diamond began to blush, look at you, then go back to listening before letting out. “Does he really?!”

Chrysalis nodded “Yes, he’s rather soft that way.”

Wut? “Uhhhhhh, what just happened?! Are, what?! What are you guys even… Are you guys talking about me?!”

“Yes, Anon, we’re talking about you. But it’s private girl talk, so don’t worry about it.” Chrysalis said as she waved her hoof at you dismissively.

“What?! What even happened then?! Anypony want to explain it to me?!" Just, wut?!

“Oh, well, Chrysalis says she’s willing to give it a shot if you can stop her next big evil scheme. That sounds fair to me, what about you?” Diamond said, seeming rather content about the whole thing.

“What about WHAT?! No! I just went through the trouble of getting ALL the princesses, including Twilight AND Celestia, to give her a chance and get this whole thing settled painlessly. As in, so my good friend can stop being vengeful and evil and live a good life and have her children back and everything! And you just want to let her do something incredibly evil?! How does that make sense?” Like, god… WHAT?! “And what about that stuff about me?!”

“Like I said, Anon, girl talk. And who cares what you did to make my life ‘easier’, as if I’d EVER just accept those pin headed princesses to just ‘accept’ me. And, at this point, your marefriend is right, I am frustrated. The game was fun for awhile, but this back and forth with no progress has become oh so tiresome. So, I propose just letting me hatch my plot, and in return, I’ll give what you want, a chance anyway. How could you refuse such a proposal? I’m even letting you deal with me personally, you should be able to stop me with all that power. What, are you afraid you can’t?” Chrysalis said boredly, as she began to take a gander at the TV.

Your eye twitched. THE WUTTEST WUT?! “Are you insane?! Do you think they’ll want to forgive you after you try to do something evil yet again?!”

“Bla bla, Discord forgiven, yadda yadda. You’re beginning to bore me, Anon. Tell me something interesting instead, like starships. Do you think I could have one right now? It would make things fair since I’d eventually have to go against you anyway.” Chrysalis says, mockingly, she knew she wouldn’t get it.

“No… Geez, are we… Are we really doing this? Are you kidding me?!” Like, what the fuck!

“Anon, we have to. It’s not like it should be hard for you, you should be able to stop Chrysalis no problem. And then we can help her.” Diamond said, enthusiastic about the whole thing.

Chrysalis chuckled evilly and jovially “Yes, Anon, it should be easy. So what are you worried about?”

“G-guh, I just… I…Ughhhhhhhhh.” You nearly fall over. Holy shit, you were really doing this. “Seriously? Fine, but you better hold up your end of the bargain!”

“I will, you can even tell the princesses if you want. You can stack the odds against me however you wish, Anon.” Chrysalis says with a giggle as she approached you, and plucked a hair from your mane. She looked at it intently before giving you an evil sneer “But I swear to you, you’ll be stacking those odds both ways.”

Even tell the princesses? The hell was she on? WAIT! Unless! HAHA! You can read her too. “Ah, ahaha! I see what’s going on. You’re just setting yourself up to lose anyway just because you still feel that being hated would be better than being loved! I’m on to you, Chrysalis, and I’ll make sure you know exactly how loved you really are.” Ok, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

“Sure, whatever you say. In any case, I have suddenly become very busy, and want you both to leave. Ah, but before you do.” Chrysalis looks back over at Diamond, and gives her a gentle head pat. “Remember what I told you, Diamond. I’m sure it will do you well.”

Diamond nodded, very pleased with whatever that was. “I will. Thank you, Nymo-, I mean Chrysalis.”

Chrysalis visibly flinched from that, but then composed herself just as quick. She did thank you, as well, for the new ‘lair’. Other than that, she was rather adamant that you both leave. You were sure you had things figured out, and so you let Chrysalis know that you had her that time, something she still dismissed. Whatever, you had it. Using your magic, you teleport you and Diamond back to the manor, a feat you knew would be easier since it was clear, in your memory, didn’t shift locations, and was in a relatively safe spot.

You also never did figure out what you would do with that lemon.

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