Dadonequus Discord (Book 2)

by CrazedLaughter

Chapter 203 - The Discordant Duo Reunited

He was here?!

Wut?!

“Discord?! Discord! Goddammit!” You shouted angrily at him. Because, holy shit, it couldn’t be, it just can’t! “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Draconequus things, things I usually do, things like that… Things.” Discord said as he leaned his head on his paw while giving you a soft grin. “How have you not gotten used to my entrances by now? Then again, why am I complaining? It’s always a treat to see you so perplexed.”

Your eye twitched. How the fuck? No, never mind, it’s him, it’s Discord, he just never fucking gets the goddamn gravity of the situation. “You know what I fucking mean, what the hell are you doing here? As in, pretending to be a guard and Scrappy?! The fuck is all that about?”

“Ah, now your reaction makes a little more sense.” Discord said as he snapped his talons, a trophy of himself appearing in his arms as he showed it off to you. “Isn’t it beautiful? A gift for myself for pulling off the greatest reformation in Equestrian history.”

Reformation? “The fuck does that mean, Discord? What do you mean by the greatest… Refor… Mation?” Oh no.... “Discord… Discord, please fucking tell me you had nothing to do with that Dark Anon shit. Please, please tell me you weren’t Dark Anon.”

“Oh heavens no.” Discord said, scoffing at the thought of it. “I had nothing to do with that.”

You shifted your eyes left and right, then went into deep thought. What the fuck was he talking about then? What the hell did he even want? Was he having his own adventure while he was away? “Then, and I swear to god I’m going to regret asking, what the five fucks are you talking about? Who did you reform?”

“Ah, I’m so glad you asked, Anon, as I am prepared to illustrate!” Discord said as he snapped in a white board out of nowhere, and began to draw crude drawings of you, Twilight, Celestia, and Luna while he made beautiful drawings of both him and Fluttershy. “See, this is Celestia and Luna here, and they get, say, half a point each for reforming some wimpy bug. Next comes Twilight, with her angry sharp teeth right here representing her absurd mood swings. See, she reformed Luna and the Pony of Shadows, and uhhhh yeah, so she gets, I’d say, two, maybe three points? Then here you are with five points despite only reforming Twilight Two Point Oh. But, you know, you’re great so you deserve it. Then here’s Fluttershy, who of course gets five hundred points for reforming me, given how nearly impossible that was. But then, there’s me, with…” And Discord draws an infinite symbol next to his image. “Unlimited points for reforming Chryssi, something thought to be completely impossible. Impressive, don’t you think?”

…

…

…

WUT?!

“What in the fucking?! What?! You just said you weren't Dark Anon! You… You knew! You fucking knew the whole goddamn time, didn’t you?! What the fuck, Discord?! Explain yourself, now!” Oh, hell no, you were fucking pissed. You could already guess no sound was going through the door, so it meant Discord wanted this to be between the both of you. But the reason being? You had no fucking clue, you had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

“And I wasn’t, Anon. Even I couldn’t pull off that kind of performance. However, I was a certain wooden root.” Discord said as he did a slow spin, a dark trenchcoat adorned on his body and fedora appearing on his head as he turned around, aiming his talons at you like a gun. “Pow!” He exclaimed, as fireworks burst from the tip of his pointing claw.

“What are you saying then?” What the hell was going on? What was he on about? “Did you shoot me?! Did… That was you?!”

Discord nodded. “Of course it was. But you seem to be forgetting something in all this.” Discord said as he shook his head at you, feeling ashamed of you. “Now, Anon, I’m truly disappointed in you. I know you had the answer all this time, but you just couldn’t make it work. Difficult, I know, but luckily for you, I have no limits in what I can do. All I had to do was make Gertrude’s prophecy a reality and, well, that’s it really. Surely you didn’t forget about that, right?”

Gertrude’s prophecy? That’s right, even you had considered it once before, but never in such a grandiose way. She, the Chrysalis of that alternate future, had lost her changeling children completely, which had, among other things, made her more maternal to the orphans that were forced to labor under Flim and Flam. “So, you shot me to make Chrysalis think I was dying? You? You thought of that yourself?”

Discord takes a bow as he tosses the trophy behind him into a suddenly appearing pile of other trophies. “Brilliant, if I do say so myself.”

Holy shit… It… Kinda was. You started to calm down more and more as you began to realize what Discord just did for you. “I mean… Yeah, fuck. So I never even really had a chance of dying after all. But who else knows? And how did you manage to trick Chrysalis into thinking you were Scrappy?”

“Ah, worried about others ruining all that progress? Fret not, Anon, only you and I know. Well, so does Scrappy. If you want the answer to that one, well, I swallowed my pride and became his ‘subordinate’ for awhile, offering to trade places with him under the guarantee that Chryssi would have her complete freedom. He was skeptical at first, but the promise of him being able to spend time with her and Applebloom together convinced him.” Discord said, grinning as he shrugged. “I’m just so full of friendship today that it’d blow even Twilight’s mind”

Goddamn, so… He thought of everything. You had to admit, you were a bit jealous all of a sudden, considering he sniped your win. But then again, Chrysalis was reformed, and even Discord seemed to be willing to protect that. He doesn’t even like her, and he took such amazing steps to make sure everything worked out. “Discord.. Yo, that was… Thanks, I mean that. I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Oh, you needn’t say anything, Anon. I know how great I am, as do you.” Discord then starts to pose like a muscleman, despite having no muscles visible. “Just keep on doting, you know you want to.”

You chuckle, of course he’d also have to rub it in. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Man, and to think I was gonna chew you out. Though, there is one thing that confuses me.”

“What’s that, Anon?” Discord asked as he continued to pose.

“So, you pretty much knew the whole time, right? How did you know when to shoot me? How did you know the opportunity would come up? I mean, you made it so damn believable that even I wasn’t even able to guess why that root even shot at me. It feels like you knew everything would play out just right.” It was like he could read the future, and knew when to shoot you. Like he knew Chrysalis, at the height of her revenge, would stop her attack.

Discord rubbed his head in confusion as to what you could have meant, until he snapped his paws in understanding. “Ah! Well, that’s the thing, I didn’t.”

Wut?

“So, then, what? You had to have known. Come on, Discord, don’t mess with me, okay? I really want to know how you managed to put it all together.” Like, seriously, however he did it, it must have required some serious thought and planning.

Discord shrugged “No planning whatsoever, Anon, I promise.” He says as a lab coat and round reading glasses appear on himself. “In fact, reforming Chryssi hadn’t even crossed my mind at the time. See, I was actually conducting the ultimate experiment.”

Ultimate experiment? “Uh, what experiment was that?”

Discord shrugged once again. “Isn’t it obvious? Chryssi did me a great service in creating an evil you filled to the brim with my gift you so declined. The experiment itself is actually quite simple. See what’s better, an Anon with my gift or an Anon without it. No holds barred, anything goes.” Discord then begins to clap in applause for you. “And I have to say, you were right. Sure you had no magic, got demolished, and required your friends. But here you are, still standing… Er, laying down.”

Your eye twitched. “What?”

“Need I repeat myself? You proved me wrong, Anon. I’m sorry that besting me doesn’t come to you often, but you should be-” But suddenly Discord reels back when you start shouting at him in absolute rage.

“You motherfucker! You used me! Again! You had no plans to help me at all! Do you realize ponies could have died?! That Spike could have died?! Twilight?! You had no fucking intention in doing anything for me or Chrysalis, you fucker!” You said, standing up as you bark at him from your bed.

“Oh, not this time, sonny boy. I admit my experiment went a little overboard, but you can’t honestly think I was going to allow any casualties.” Discord said, wrapping his arms around themselves as he looked at you with a stoic expression, raising an eyebrow.

“Diamond almost got raped, you assfuck!” You shouted.

Discord rolled his eyes at you. “Again, it was never going to go that far… Possibly. Ahrm, the important thing to take away here is-” But once again, you cut him off.

“No, fuck you! I was worried about you, Fluttershy was worried. Discord, we’re supposed to be chaos buddies! But you just keep fucking using me and you just don’t give a shit about it!” You growled, filled with fury.

Discord sighed as he hunched backwards. “You should be used to that by now, Anon. You’re the only one I can still do that to without any kind of consequence.”

“Discord. You know what? Fuck this, I’m going to tell Fluttershy everything. You hear me? I’m done with this. I’mMPPH!” Suddenly you find yourself in a straitjacket and gag as you fall over on the bed. You immediately try to break out, but it wasn’t working at all.

“For once, I’m not going to feel bad over this.” Discord said as he waved his claw, raising you into the air, eye level to him. “Again, you should be used to this by now, Anon. The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know that, right? Either way, you shouldn’t be so upset as to threaten me like that. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, I did you a colossal favor with Chryssi, and you’re just going to have to accept that.”

You just silently stared at him with dagger filled eyes as your only response.

“Fine, I suppose you can be a little upset, as there was a chance I wouldn’t have been able to do anything for you at all. But know this, Anon. You may think I don’t care, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! Just because I did something anypony who truly knows me could see coming, that being the experiment, you also have to consider that for you and Chryssi, I could have done a million other things to stop her when she attacked Twilight. But I didn’t, I did the one thing that would help you in the long run, help her, and even help Twilight.” Discord said as he shook his arms about. “Twilight, Anon! Twilight! And I can’t even gloat to her about it because it has to be kept a secret! Do you understand now?”

Dammit, you can’t let him smooth talk you this time. And yet, it fucking made sense. Discord does whatever he wants because he’s Discord, but he could have just fucked you or Chrysalis over if he really didn’t care. You just stare at him, muffling some noises as you raise an eyebrow in skepticism.

“Okay, okay, fine, I’m sorry for the whole experiment thing. But I do want to let you know that my help isn’t over yet. We still need to make sure Shining Armor doesn’t go on a witch hunt. And if you’re willing to play along a little longer, then I promise everything will be okay. How does that sound?” Discord asks you, almost with apologetic and begging eyes.

You tilt your head up, trying to spit out the ball gag in indication that you wanted to answer him.

Discord giggled in embarrassment. “Oh, right. Sorry about that.” Discord snapped his talons as you appeared back on the bed, in your hospital gown, ungagged.

“Discord…” You said, just laying there, exhausted with him.

“Yes?” Discord said, with some soft caution in his voice.

“You’re a real fucking asshole. But, if you’re really telling the truth, then… Fine, I forgive you.” You said with a huff. If it’s one thing you knew about Discord, it was when he really wanted to help you with something, he did it pretty damn well for the most part. If he can really get Shining Armor off Chrysalis’s back, then. Hell man, he fucking used you again, and of course he gets away with it because… Well, just, because it’s him. Fucking hell, it was hard to justify it all, but…

Dammit, it hurts just to think about it. You should be fucking pissed, you really should, you want to tell him off so badly. But goddamn man, why did it have to be him? He needs to be chaotic to even live, goddammit. Fucking hell. Fine, fine...

“Annnnd…? I do believe you owe me some gratitude as well.” Discord said, earnestly waiting for your reply.

“Tch, if you can really make this happen, then I’ll do whatever you want, once, for free.” If he can really do it, then that would more than absolve him, as it would mean all that work, all that time, all of it worth it.

“Good to hear, because we’re homeless right now and I need you to talk to Jimmy and try to get the house back.” Discord said with a sheepish smile.

Wut?

“How in the fucking hell did that happen?! You’re fucking Discord, how did he get control of the house?!” How?! Just, how?!

“Ah, you see, I made a wager with him to see who’d win. You or Dark Anon, and, well…” Discord stopped his words, feeling a bit too embarrassed.

Your eye twitched again. “Are you fucking telling me you bet against me?”

Discord shrugged with a very embarrassed chuckle. “Ahhhaha, haaaaaaa. To put it simply? Yes. I thought it was an easy bet given the infusion of the Everfree’s power. I really bet on the wrong pony on this one, eh?”

You just stared at him, long and hard, silently.

“So, is that a no? I’d do it myself, but I’m not one to be called a sore loser. So, please?” Discord said, giving you big adorable eyes as he shrunk himself to look cuter.

Good god… “Fine… Whatever, I’m not even surprised anymore. So, how are we going to convince Shining Armor then?”

“Ah, yes, about that.” Discord split into the two guards once more, the one on the right speaking to you as the other munched on his spear. “Just like with our dear Chryssi, it will require something a little extreme. For this, however, I will need your full permission to do what I’m going to do. Do I have that?”

What was ‘that’? The hell kind of extreme did he mean? “What are you going to do?”

“Can’t tell you, and you must act like you know nothing about it. Trust me, Anon, it’s nothing I can’t fix, but it is required. And mostly, it needs to be a surprise. I’m asking for your permission because, well, we’re a team. And we need to play our parts to get this done. So, are you game?” Discord said as he gave you a dark grin.

...Yeah. If it could finally fix this mess, protect Chrysalis, and even save the school… Then fine.

You nod. “Let’s do it.”

Comments

[EntropyEntropy]

....I'd fucking kill him.

Like legitimately, I would try and think on how I could use my chaos magic to trap him in a prison dimension of order to wear his existence away, I would kill him.

Its one thing to use someone, its another to risk the agony and chastity of others to do so, betting against the person you are using on top of that is just the fist flavored cherry on top.

[CrazedLaughter]

10850652

indeed, Discord does deserve a bigger punishment than being let go to do anything he wants.

Anon has every right to be angry, even Discord knows that. It's why Discord is going so far to help him. He knows he did wrong, and he knows it'd piss Anon off. But from Discord's actual perspective, it's simply something he does to the point anyone would not expect him to do it. It's in his nature. If the boon for his help wasn't so great, Anon wouldn't even bother trying to reason with himself to calm down. Discord needing chaos to live isn't even a good enough reason, since he needs to go full order to even start disappearing. But again, there is a lot on the line right now, and Discord putting things in perspective helps show Anon what is truly important, even if it is him weaseling out of the consequences.

Chrysalis, Anon, Diamond, Twilight, and Celestia hang in the balance. Not to mention reputation. Celestia's and Twilight's school also hang in the balance as well.

[Munro]

god damit discord is such a asshat, i could never take all that shit and stay sane. would have turn'd evil a long time ago probably.

[Noobblue]

okok

[Hein des Nisseroi]

“Ok, ok, fine,

Okay, o.k., OK or O.K.

[EntropyEntropy]

10850681
The ends don't always justify the means, I get that there's a lot at stake, and I certainly would take my time personally before revenge, but there are some things that, despite all but the most up front and basic reasoning, should be paid for in blood. Using others as tools risking many more besides all for the sake of one individual is one of those things.

I understand it, I understand the benefit, I understand the reasoning, but there is only so much wrong that can be allowed if it were me personally. If, for example, you try to use my family against me in a threatening and underhanded manner, I will kill you on the spot, benefits be damned. He did something worse than that, and put them at risk for the benefit of a, though stressful, in comparison MEAGER goal.

Converting Chrysalis to the side of good, would NOT have been worth Diamond being raped, for example, and that's just one. Even if he'd prevent anything lethal, the breaking of bones was clearly not a problem going by Spike. Torture is not worth it either.

I could go on.

Not that I'm going to start hating Discord, mind you, you don't need to hate something to want it dead, its more that it just conflicted heavily with my own personal moral code. Its the same reason I hate the Celestia in this story, though seemingly opposite reasoning. While she put the needs of the many before the few, and Discord put the needs of the few before the many, at the end of the day, both put more at risk than they realize in pursuit of short term goals. Which is unacceptable when scheming or planning, especially with lives both, literal and figurative, in the balance.

[CrazedLaughter]

10851020
He wouldn't have actually let it go too far with Diamomd. As for Spike, there really was no excuse other than him being an asshole, excited for the endgame.

Discord, even in the show is like this and loses sight of things. Equestria was nearly destroyed by the evil three and windigos because of his foolish trial he set for Twilight.

[EntropyEntropy]

10851062
I think I said something similar when he did that in the show as well, but it was also vastly overshadowed by the Grogar tease bait and switch.

Entertainment wise that trickery pissed me off immeasurably, I thought the show was actually making a super competent and evil villain.

[Walrusesarecute]

I hate discord so much rn