• Published 16th Jun 2018
  • 2,156 Views, 1,145 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 63 - The Wedding - Part 1

Welp, there wasn’t a moment to lose. You pack up your things in your saddlebag and head through the portal with Scootaloo. God, what a mess, there were so many ponies crowding up in front of city hall. Forget getting ready for the wedding, how the fuck were you supposed to get through all this? Hell, you don’t even remember this many ponies being in Ponyville. Though, they were more focused on getting inside to notice you were among them. “Sheesh, I get it, I’m popular, but why is it right now that they choose to be a giant clog in my butt?”

Scootaloo cringed a little from your turn of phrase. “Ok, one; That sounds totally gross. Two; Well, it’s kind of like how it works for Twilight.”

“How do you figure?” You turn to Scootaloo, confused.

“Well, Twilight is a princess and all that, but everypony usually leaves her alone or treats her like they always have. Then sometimes, BAM! Suddenly she’s the biggest thing ever! And then after? She’s not a celebrity anymore until, like, the next weird moment. I dunno, it’s just how it’s always been, I guess.” Scootaloo said with a shrug.

“Well, if that’s the case, this is a bad time to be that big a celebrity. C’mon, let’s just find another way in bef-CRIPES!” Suddenly, you found yourself surrounded. Of course standing around behind the crowd would eventually get you noticed. Even worse, the ponies closest to you were a gang of paparazzi, already rushing towards you and snapping their photos, their flashes blinding you “GYAH! Geez! Stop!”

“It’s the Hero Colt himself! Hey can you smile at the camera for me?!” Said one of the news mares

“A fake wedding with limited attendance? Do you know what the Riches might be hiding?!” Said another

“The Hero Colt in this deep with such a financial empire? Is it love, or something more?” Said a tall stallion unicorn quickly writing in a journal.

“Quick! Tell me what you think about Diamond Tiara, I mean really what you think! Surely a colt like you must still have many a filly on his tail, eh?” a rather debonair looking stallion said

“So, do you plan to become the next head of the Rich Estate? Do you know anything about business? What are your thoughts?” Said a rather old looking mare

Holy christ! The picture taking and barrage of questions was already starting to aggravate you. You could barely see and all of them were asking so many questions at once! How the fuck were you going to get past them?

“Hey! Leave Anon alone! He’s got a wedding to get to, y’know? So get out of the way!” Scootaloo barked, trying to clear the way for you.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever kid. Hey, Hero Colt, Crystal Clear of the Gemstone Gazette, ready to get the real news over here. So, about that dragon that attacked Ponyville. Heard some sources say that you were in cahoots with it. Care to make a statement?” Said an awfully familiar sounding mare who just ignored Scootaloo and brushed her away.

In fact, looking at her, she wasn’t recognizable at all. A ruby red coat, a crystal cutie mark, a dark red mane shaped like a gemstone with a pencil holding it all toget- OH GODDAMMIT! YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS! WHO THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS FOOLING WITH THAT PAINT JOB! “Isn’t your name Good News?”

“Wha? What are ya talkin about, kid?” The mare managed to keep a straight face, but that brooklyn accent and pencil keeping her mane together was unmistakable. Gemstone Gazette? Bitch must have finally lost her job after that whole ninja thing. “S-said the name was Crystal Clear.”

You eye her closely. This bitch, did she really think you were going to let her get the drop on you this time? “Right, so where’s your partner then?”

“Couldn’t afford a ne- I mean, Crystal Clear works alone. Always have, always will. It’s how it is” She said, faltering a little in her speech, realizing she may have given something away. Suddenly though, she puts on a brave face and gives you a bit of a cocky smirk “Besides, what if I was? I wouldn’t be doin’ nothing underhoofed. Just asking questions, that’s all.”

You narrow your eyes at her, not trusting her for an instant. “Right…”. Oh Anon, here we go again. This bitch, bothering you once again despite what happened last time. What did she hope to accomplish? Did she really expect you to answer her question? Was this bitch fucking serious? Good News, her questioning and cheap methods could have you standing there forever as you match your wit with hers in the ultimate showdown of bullshittery. Yes, a challenge to see which one truly was the biggest shit eater…

But fuck that shit, you had a wedding to get to. Without a word, you slip on your horn and look to all the reporters with a cocky smirk. “Hey, you all want a real story?!” You yell out. You actually catch the positive attention of the surrounding reporters, all except for Good News.

“Ah nuts…” Was all she could say before her, and every reporter just disappeared when your horn released a giant flash of light.

“Woah, w-what just happened?” Scootaloo asked, blown away by the sudden disappearance of the pony paparazzi.

“Didn’t have time for a stupid subplot, now let’s just get inside bef-” Suddenly, you feel a tugging at your leg. You look to your left to see a golden coated colt with a shiny brown downward curved mane and an explosion of fireworks as a cutie mark. “Huh wha?”

“Hey! Hey! Are you really Anon, the Hero Colt?” The colt asked, jumping side to side in excitement.

“Uh, yeah...Um…” What did this kid want?

“I’m Roman Candle! But friends call me Sparky! Can I get an autograph? Or are you going to send me to the moon like you did those other guys?” Woah, despite that last part sounding grim, he still just hopped around in excitement as he busted out an autograph book. “I mean, those guys kind of deserved to go to the moon, they were being really annoying. My Dad says paparazzi are lower than sugar free candy.”

“The moon?! I didn’t send them to the moon, I just sent them back where they came from and…” You look back to see other ponies slowly pulling out autograph books around you. “What’s going on?”

“Erm, Mr.Anon, sir, we kind of all came from Fillydelphia to come to the wedding, but they won’t let us in. So we thought we’d just get an autograph… i-if you don’t mind. Y-you’re not gonna send us to the moon, right?” A stallion said as he meekly made his way towards you.

“And I came from Manehatten. This was supposed to be the event of the month and we’re not even allowed inside! Surely you can spare an autograph for my daughter, right?” Said a rather pushy mare

And indeed, some of the crowd began to gather, holding up their autograph books towards you to sign. This you could handle however, especially since it made you look good. “Sure kid, I can give you an autograph! In fact, Everypony gets an autogra- and oh sh-” Just as you said that, more of the crowd began to gather, mentioning to themselves that they held back out of fear, but now willing to approach as you seem so nice. The hell! Fuck you, Twilight! Get your royal ass over here and take some of this load! Why do you get to be not popular today and-.

“Anon, we don’t have time for this! It’ll be tomorrow by the time you sign all those books. What are you doing?!” Scootaloo whispered to you, surprised at your decision to sign autographs rather than just getting to town hall. “I thought you said you didn’t have time for sideplots, or whatever you meant.”

You took Roman’s autograph book and already began to sign it as you began to sweat, trying to think of a way out of this. Fuck! You just wanted to be nice for your fans, you didn’t expect them ALL to want an autograph. You looked to Roman’s excited eyes as you finish writing your name and hand him back the book. “T-there you are, Roman.”

“Wow! I got an autograph from the Hero Colt! Woohoo!” Roman said as he ran around, ecstatic about what you have done for him. “Now all I gotta do is get some bits for my train ride home!”

Wut? “...bits for a train ride home? Where are your parents?”

“At home, I kind of just got the idea to come here by myself! But now I need to make money so I can go home before they realize I'm gone! You wouldn’t have any extra bits, would you?” Again, he sounded rather peppy for being in a rather grim situation.

“Yeah, yeah sure…” You didn’t mind getting a few bits out of your saddlebag for him to use. But as you went for it, you realized you didn’t really need to. As in, you not only had to not give him bits, but you also didn’t need to spend so much time signing autographs either. You had two charges on your horn, and you already used one, so why not just use the other to help you out a little more? “Actually, how about I send you home instantly with my magic?”

“Golly, Anon, you can do that? That’d help me lots!” He said, still hopping about like the firecracker he was.

“Figured, heh” You look over to the rest of the crowd and give them a strong and brave expression. Yeah, this was probably maybe what being a hero colt was all about too, solving a problem and helping everyone out while not ruining a day as important as this. Surely they’d all appreciate a teleport home to go with an autograph. “Alright, Everypony, you all want an autograph, right?” You call out. They all nod, of course they did. “And how about a free ride home too?”. And with those words, they all lit up and murmured to themselves before letting out ‘yes’ and ‘and that would be swell’ and other similar agreements. You simply asked them to hold up their autograph books, and with a cast of magic, you instantly teleported them back home with a signed book. No fuss, no need for goodbyes, and no useless dialogue. Anon, you truly are a genius! You just chuckle to yourself “If this was some long winded story, that’d have been like….five chapters.”

“Anon?! Are you nuts?!” Scootaloo let out in surprise. The hell was her problem?

You just roll your eyes at her “Scoots, relax. I just sent them back home. We don’t have time to sign autographs and do interviews and stuff, remember?”

Scootaloo just brings a hoof to her face, letting out a small “ow” when she smacks her sunglasses into herself. She then shakes her head, and whaps you as well “Anon! You just used both your charges! BOTH OF THEM! What are you supposed to do now?!”

“Uhh… Walk over to town hall and get ready?” Ok, you used two charges, so what? Not like you had any adventures planned today. “What’s got you in a twis-GAH!” You get startled when Scootaloo puts her hooves between your cheeks and shakes your head to and fro.

“YOU CRAZY COLT! ALL SORTS OF BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU ALL THE TIME! PLUS, LAST TIME THERE WAS A BIG WEDDING EVENT IN PONYVILLE, A BUGBEAR ATTACKED! YOU MULTIPLY THAT WITH YOUR LUCK AND ALL SORTS OF THINGS CAN HAPPEN! THE ROOF CAN COLLAPSE, A MONSTER CAN ATTACK, CHRYSALIS CAN SHOW UP OUT OF NOWHERE, OR EVEN…” Scootaloo gasps as she puts her hooves to her cheeks, shivers, and speaks in a low terrified voice “What if Mrs. Rich gets so cheesed off that things went wrong that she gains some kind of crazy legendary earth pony strength and rips Equestria apart in a furious fury?”

...Wut? Wow, why was she worried all of a sudden? Ok, things usually end up making every day of your life interesting. But today? You had fucking security detail, and not much else to do afterwards, so you could just hang at the house or lounge with Fluttershy since she’s back. “Scoots, sheesh, get a hold of yourself.” You say as you give your cheeks a rub, they were a little sore from the shaking. “We got security, remember? Plus, everything seems to be going fine so far, nothing bad is gonna happen.”

“I just… I dunno, I…” Scootaloo seemed to have just gotten all heeby jeeby about the whole thing. Sheesh, wedding jitters and she isn’t even the one getting married.

You calmly put a hoof to her shoulder, and give her a gentle smile “It’s gonna be ok, Scoots. C’mon, let’s just get inside and get this whole thing rolling, ok?”

“...Right, right. Besides, what am I worried about anyway? Rainbow Dash is in town, so if anything bad does happen, she’ll take care of it.” She says as she wipes her brow, already feeling better.

Your eye twitches from those words, why did she have to say it in such a humiliating way? “Y’know, I could also do something. I have more than just the horn, remember?”

“I know, I’m just messing with you. Starlight said you had some pretty sweet moves, so I’m sure you could do something.” Scootaloo said as she began to walk towards town hall.

“Then why did you freak out just a few minutes ago?” You ask her, having some doubt to her words as you walk alongside her.

“Because those things could actually happen. There’s still some things you can’t possibly beat without your horn, Mrs. Rich being one of them. Anon, I’m serious, I think she could chuck Twilight’s entire castle past Canterlot if this somehow went wrong.”

Ok, now she was exaggerating. “Scoots… That’s not even possible, how could that possibly happen?”

“Anon, don’t you remember that Rockhoof, through sheer force of will, got super strong in an instant?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yeah, but like, that’s just a legend.” You say, causing Scootaloo to stop in her tracks as she just stares at you hard “...Wut? What’s wrong?”

“Anon, Rockhoof is real, we saw him like, during the whole Pony of Shadows thing. He spoke to you and everything” Scootaloo reminded you

“Oh, right, yeah! Ha, he was that viking like…” Your eyes suddenly go wide when you realized that the whole legend was actually true. “...Chuck Twilight’s castle, y-you say?” You mention with a gulp

“Y-yeah, and that’s after she sends you twenty feet… straight down.” Scootaloo says, stomping her hoof down to illustrate her point.

“H-haha… Y-yeah, y-you’re right. Let’s, uh, let’s just get inside and make sure everything is ok.” You say as you both made your way past the now dwindled crowd towards the front door.

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