Dadonequus Discord (Book 2)

by CrazedLaughter

Chapter 250 - Discord Gains a New Friend

With victory obtained, Discord took the time to dress up as a jolly ole brit, complete with mustache and monocle, taking sips from a fancy tea cup. “Good show, everypony, good show. We really let those two have it, jolly good.”

You smirked back at him as you took a deserved stretch. “Yeeeeah, well, it was nothing, really. It was hilarious.”

Scootaloo giggled as she raised her hoof in cheer. “Yeah! That’ll teach ‘em! How could they even think about trying to have the holidays all to themselves? Those guys are always after the easiest bit they can get. But you know what? I bet after that, they’ll never do anything sneaky again.”

“I’ll be surprised if they can even celebrate that holiday again.” Discord said as he took a sip. But as he did, his eyes went wide as he looked back at Scootaloo in surprise. “Wait, so you really don’t have a problem with what we just did? It was much more extreme than what Anon and I explained.”

Scootaloo shrugged. “I know, but you kinda get used to the weirder stuff when you’ve hung out with Anon for so long. Also, well, Princess Luna does this kind of stuff all the time. She even did it to me to teach me a lesson. So yeah, kinda hard to be creeped out when you’re the thing creeping them out.”

“Oh, right, I forget she does that. Well, I think Anon and I do it better. There’s a big difference between realizing it is all a dream and never realizing it at all.” Discord said, before giving a sly grin. “Trust me, we’ve done this before, it is a tried and true formula. Well, once before, but it has so far proven most successful”

“You mean in reforming? Huh, well, if it’s okay for Princess Luna to do it, then I guess it’s okay for us to do it. Besides, it was fun! I-I mean it wouldn’t be fun if they didn’t deserve it, but they totally did!” Scootaloo then turned to you, amazed. “No wonder you got your cutie mark in chaos, you're awesome at it!”

You felt a high sense of pride from that. You didn’t know what it was, but Scootaloo being fully okay with this whole thing honestly felt nice. Diamond liked it too, of course, but usually just for you. Scootaloo actually seemed to enjoy the chaos aspect. “Well, yeah, I mean, it’s my thing. But, Scootaloo, are you really okay with what we just did? I mean, there’s a prank, and then there’s that. It was super realistic.”

“C’mon, Anon, I know we weren’t really going to hurt them, and we had to save Equestria from them too! If we did this to somepony like Miss Cheerilee, I’d be pretty sad about it. But those guys? Totally deserved it.” Scootaloo then looked at Discord, and suddenly smiled towards him. “Hey, Discord, thanks for inviting me.”

Discord was stunned by those words for a moment, and turned to face her. “Hm? Well, there’s no need for thanks, really. I required a mediator, and you were the best choice.”

“C’mooooon, we already did the whole apology thing, I know it was more than that.” Scootaloo giggled as she gave him a cheery smile. “C’mon, can’t you just say you had fun and wanna stay friends? Like, you know what I mean. It’s okay, it ain’t so tough.”

“Hmnnnn…” Discord crossed his arms for a moment, trying to stare down Scootaloo. But it was to no avail, she was in too good a mood. “You’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

“C’mon, Dad, don’t be a prude. You know you want to. You’re only holding back because you don’t want to get emotional in front of me and Scootaloo again. It’s fine, we won’t tell anypony.” You tell him, trying to get him to just admit he wants to be friends with Scootaloo.

Discord slapped his face with his paw, and pulled down on it, stretching his maw as he groaned. “So it is going to be that way. Fiiiinnnneeee.” Discord huffed as he bent backwards with annoyance. “Yes, I thought things went so well that I was very impressed with you, Scootaloo. And while I do have a sizable friend pool already, as well as a nice little family bucket, I suppose you can be my friend as well. To be honest, you’re really not that bad. In fact, I suppose the fact you have taken to chaos better than those other two friends of yours is as refreshing as I implied during our little apology. Now, I’m not going to get as emotional as Anon expects me to, but I will say that if you wish to ‘hang out’, I can talk to Spike and Big Mac in having some of our sessions during the day so you can perhaps learn the game we like to play, if you wish anyway. And maybe once or twice you can join Fluttershy and I for some tea. Now, I expect you not to be too childish about it an-” Discord stopped speaking when he felt Scootaloo hug him, when he looked down, he could see Scootaloo was just nuzzling onto him warmly. “Hmn, fine…” Discord gave up, and shrunk himself so he could give Scootaloo a proper hug as well. “There, are we done? See?” Discord pointed to his eyes, they were dry as a bone. “No tears, I’m very strong, unlike what a certain colt would say.”

“Yeah. I’m still sorry about what I said earlier though, I know you just really wanted to make Fluttershy happy and stuff, and that it doesn’t make you that One guy. In fact, Discord, I know Four and One and all the others are kinda just pieces of you. So you know what? I think you’re really capable of being better than all of them, even Four. Since, y’know, you are Four, but with all the other good parts too, like Five, he was cool. Erm, what I’m trying to say is, when you wanna be, you really are super great. Erm, not 'Rainbow Dash great', but pretty up there.” Scootaloo said, her smile becoming a little awkward. “I dunno if that came out right, but I hope it did.”

“Probably…” Discord said as he reverted to his normal size and turned away from Scootaloo, putting his arms behind his back as he marched a few steps forward. “In any case, this has now gotten boring. However, as long as you keep it between the three of us.” A photo suddenly began to gently float down in front of Scootaloo. “A souvenir of those two’s most shocked faces, so you’ll always remember your first chaotic venture.”

Scootaloo smiled, and took it. “Thanks, Discord, I’ll treasure it, I promise.”

Discord recoiled at those words, but tried to hide it by continuing to face away from her. “Yes… Well, I’d hope so. Anyway, it is getting late, and Anon and I must be well rested for tomorrow. Important family business and all that.”

“You mean Chrysalis, right? Hey, good luck with that, okay?” Scootaloo turned back towards you with a hopeful nod. “I mean it, I hope things go great!”

“We’ll be fine, Scootaloo, thank you. Oh, hey, ummm… Can you maybe not ever say the word ‘crap’ again, please? Y’know, I just don’t need that word spreading.” God, you really didn’t. You already had Starlight and Chrysalis spouting human words nonchalantly at this point.

“Okay, fine, I guess I shouldn’t say it anyway, it really made me sound angry.” Scootaloo said as she yawned a bit. “Yeah, it is getting late. I think I’m ready to go home.”

Discord raised his paw, and prepared a snap. “If I was Four, I’d tell you to get a good rest. But since I’m not, I won’t.”

Scootaloo giggled at that. “Alright, whatever you say. Good night, you guys, and good luck again!” Scootaloo said as she waved goodbye, disappearing in an instant from Discord’s snap.

Discord just stood there, silent.

“C’mon, drop the melodrama already. I know you’re happy to make another friend that actually likes you. Scootaloo is a good pony, I promise. You won’t regret it.” You say, trying to console him.

But still Discord said nothing. Instead, he opened a portal once again and tossed a stink bomb through it, only this time came the vengeful laughter of Starlight as she was able to catch and throw the grenade back through the portal and right into Discord’s face. “Not this time! Haha! I stayed up allll night for this! I got-” But the portal closed just as quickly as it appeared as the grenade exploded in Discord’s face, burning off his eyebrows and mustache as his eyes and nose shriveled from the noxious fumes of stink.

“Feel better now?” You ask Discord, as he stands there like a statue.

Discord stands there for a little while longer, then slowly takes a comb and runs it across his face, pulling new hairs for his beard and eyebrows out of nowhere. He then puts a small tube into his face and uses a pump to restore his shriveled features. He then looks back at you with a stoic expression and nods. “Yes.”

“Alright then.” You say, nodding back. You felt like Discord had learned a valuable lesson today. You mused over the whole thing, even taking into account how much fun Scootaloo had in general. You felt pretty bad about yourself, actually. Scootaloo had really improved herself, and had you been much more supportive of her in the past… Damn, maybe she would have been able to fly with the inner power of chaos, or something. Hmmnnn…

Discord was staring at you, and as usual, he became somewhat aloof as he passed by you, speaking in a profound fashion. “Ah, I can see you’re deep in thought. Thinking about tomorrow, I take it. Well, Anon, you shouldn’t be. I promise I’ll be keeping my word. And why shouldn’t I? I’m an upstanding spirit of chaos, am I not? Besides, we’re family, and I think Chryss- er, Chrysalis, will make a fine addition to it. Not as your nanny, but as your sister. And- Ew, okay, now that left a bad taste in my mouth for some reason.”

You looked up at him, your concentration broken, and just gestured your hoof towards him. “Huh? Nah, I wasn’t thinking that. But it is good to hear that. I dunno, I guess I was scared that maybe you were planning something despite what you had already said.” But then you suddenly gave Discord an arrogant smirk. “But I guess having fun on another chaos run, with Scootaloo making your heart three sizes bigger, really meant something to you if you’re actually going to try to be good on my account and not just Fluttershy’s. And I mean you really meaning that, and not just saying it. It’s super cute, Discord, I like it.”

Discord narrowed his eyes at you “Did you make another one of your human references at me?”

You gave him a cool solid nod. “Yep, I mean, it is close to Hearthwarming, isn’t it? You’re like the Grinch at the end of the story. Lighten up, Discord, I was essentially complimenting you.”

Discord summoned up some sort of pamphlet and began to speed read it, not even turning to look at you as he read. “The Grinch, you say? Ah, I see the reference now. But, Anon, ‘Christmas’ hasn’t come yet. And do you know what that means?”

…Goddammit, what is he going to do now? You tensed as you prepared to run. Where were you going to run in this void? You had no idea, but he was planning something. “W-what? What does it mean?”

Discord immediately turned into a skunk and grinned. “Well, if I could use three words to describe it, it’d be stink, stank, stunk.” And right after his last word, an explosion of putrid stink rushed out of him. In an instant, you fell over from the fumes. It was something horrible, like a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce

Discord merely rubbed his chest fur arrogantly and blew on his claws. “Boy, ain’t I a nasty, wasty skunk?”

Comments

[Kornwallis]

Ahhh, a great chapter for sure. I like the French ending. I could see Discord re-enacting the book but with his own chaos twist to it. Too bad their isn’t an evil society that could be an acceptable target for the prank. Unless…do you thing the Umbrum have an evil Christmas?

[Hein des Nisseroi]

After reading this, I started to wonder if Scootaloo would ever be able to utilize chaos magic.

Now for potential errors:

But those guys? totally deserved it.”

Lowercase ‘t’ should be uppercase.

only this time came tee vengeful laughter of Starlight

the

and eyebrows out of nowhere .

Unnecessary space.

[Megabrick]

I notice you've built-up Anon and Scootaloo's relationship around Discord, and Anon and Apple Bloom's relationship around Chrysalis, but Anon and Sweetie Belle is still in the dust if I'm not mistaken. Are there any plans to do anything about that this late in the story?

[CrazedLaughter]

11347024
If i ever do a book 3

[CrazedLaughter]

11344005
>I misspelled 'the'

how shameful

[Resu]

A little gag, barely few sentences spread out over few chapters, and Starlight's personality gets a nice shout-out. It was so great, especially the ending.

[Walrusesarecute]

Discord slapped his face with his paw, and pulled down on it, stretching his maw as he groaned. “So it is going to be that way. Fiiiinnnneeee.” Discord huffed as he bent backwards with annoyance. “Yes, I thought things went so well that I was very impressed with you, Scootaloo. And while I do have a sizable friend pool already, as well as a nice little family bucket, I suppose you can be my friend as well. To be honest, you’re really not that bad. In fact, I suppose the fact you have taken to chaos better than those other two friends of yours is as refreshing as I implied during our little apology. Now, I’m not going to get as emotional as Anon expects me to, but I will say that if you wish to ‘hang out’, I can talk to Spike and Big Mac in having some of our sessions during the day so you can perhaps learn the game we like to play, if you wish anyway. And maybe once or twice you can join Fluttershy and I for some tea. Now, I expect you not to be too childish about it an-” Discord stopped speaking when he felt Scootaloo hug him, when he looked down, he could see Scootaloo was just nuzzling onto him warmly. “Hmn, fine…” Discord gave up, and shrunk himself so he could give Scootaloo a proper hug as well. “There, are we done? See?” Discord pointed to his eyes, they were dry as a bone. “No tears, I’m very strong, unlike what a certain colt would say.”

How come Anon doesn’t have tea parties with Fluttershy and Discord?

[Walrusesarecute]

“Alright then.” You say, nodding back. You felt like Discord had learned a valuable lesson today. You mused over the whole thing, even taking into account how much fun Scootlaoo had in general. You felt pretty bad about yourself, actually. Scootaloo had really improved herself, and had you been much more supportive of her in the past… Damn, maybe she would have been able to fly with the inner power of chaos, or something. Hmmnnn…

That’s not how you spell Scootaloo
‘Scootlaoo’

[CrazedLaughter]

11750172
He fears finding more tea leaves