• Published 16th Jun 2018
  • 2,156 Views, 1,145 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter



With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 2 - Bowling Practice and Twilight's Letter

You made your way down to the living room as you called your faux father’s name. “Discord! Yo, Discord! You ready yet?”

Suddenly, you hear the rumbling of some mysterious large object coming towards you. Another prank? Ha! You were ready this time! You stay alert and look all along the walls, floor, and ceiling for whatever was coming at you. As the sound grew louder, you see a giant bowling ball phase through the wall where the front door was. You dodge it easily, then look back at it with a cocky grin. “HA! Nice try, Discord! But my senses are much sharper now. There’s no way you’re gonna hit MEEEAGGHH!” You are cut short by the coming of a second ball as it rolls over you and brings you along with it until it phases through another wall, leaving you flat on it's wallpaper'd exterior. You slowly slide down and fall on your head as you hear the words “I made the spare!”

“HAHA! Now that’s what I call a practice session!” Discord poofs in with a flash as he looks upon you like an accomplished work of art. “Anon! My dear, Anon! We are sure to win today! Oh yes, whoever dared to challenge us will be in for a rude awakening!” He says as he rubs his talons and paw digits together.

God-Fucking-Dammit…

“N-ngh, t-the hell?!” You slowly rise up and look at Discord with scrunched up annoyance “Discord! You couldn’t have used actual pins or something?! Why me?! Why?!”

Discord shrugged “Why not? You were there, I was over here, and it was the perfect distance in trying out my bowling arts since I apparently won’t be allowed to use magic. What, was it not good enough?”

You sigh, why do you even bother trying to tell him that sometimes he’s too much of an ass. “Did you have to keep throwing balls until you fucking hit me? That really hurt, you know? You don’t think that maybe sometimes you should tone it down a tad?” You say as you brush yourself off.

“What?” Discord looked confused, then pulled out a rulebook of some sorts and thumbed through it “Anon, don’t I get a second chance at rolling the ball if I fail to make the strike? I only threw two balls.” He then sighs and shakes his head with a sigh “There you go again, exaggerating the circumstances.”

“Christ, Discord. If you’re going to pull from a fucking rulebook then you should know that you need to use at least ten pi-.....oh come on now.” You looked around to see nine more versions of you looking around in curious fashion. “Really?”

Discord conjures a normal sized bowling ball and prepares to roll. He eyes you closely as the center front pin as he preps himself “Anon, I never do anything without my magic. Practice for today’s game is important.”

“So, you’re just gonna use me like that, huh?”

“Just for this last roll” Discord says as he pulls the ball back, targeting you with a single eye.

“That’s what I thought...GET HIM!” You point forward like a commander as your clones spring to action and tackle Discord down.

“HEY! WHAT IS THIS?! MUTINY! MUTINY I SAY!” Discord says as he gets tackled down.

Woah, that actually worked?! “Ha! How does it feel to have a taste of your own medicine?”

Discord immediately snaps his talons to make the clones vanish from his person. He slowly stands up and brushes himself off as he looks at you with annoyance. “Now that’s just bad form, Anon. Turning my own magic against me like that? Just terrible. How did you even manage that?”

“I’ve been learning. I’m your protege, remember? You created clones of me using chaos magic, so of course they were going to have some semblance of consciousness. It’s kind of like when you create clones of yourself, they all have this slight variance in personality and consciousness.” You then knock on your head with a smirk “See? I pay attention”

“Indeed…” Discord says in a low voice as he rubs his beard. He was feeling pride build up within him, but he didn’t feel celebratory in an extravagant sense. Rather, he walked up to you and gave you a gentle pat as he looked upon you with a fatherly smile “Good job, Anon. You’re really coming along nicely when it comes to chaos.”

“Well, I learned from the best. Plus, it’s not like my life has been calm or anything like that. There’s always something crazy going on to learn from. So, you ready to go or what? I don’t think the guys would appreciate us wasting time here.” Heh, you felt pretty good right now. You managed to turn Discord’s magic against him with but a simple realization. You were definitely getting better.

“I suppose. But, there is still one more thing.” Discord pulls out a purple envelope sealed with an emblem representing Twilight’s cutie mark “Another one of these arrived in the mail.”

“Ugh…Another one?” You knew what that was. Twilight, in her infinite dumbness, had the bright idea of having a friendship school. It was still under construction, but it wouldn’t be too long now until it was finally ready. For some reason, she felt you should attend. But fuck that, that was stupid. Even you knew something like friendship can’t be taught at a fucking school, that kind of thing comes naturally. Worst yet, this was the sixth letter she fucking sent.

“Afraid so. So, what will it be? Do you want to use a flamethrower or should we blast it with a giant laser?” Discord asks as he looks at the letter with disdain.

You groan, you really didn’t like the fact that she was trying so damn hard with these letters. “Just toss it, I don’t care. Why can’t she take the hint? I don’t want to go to her stupid school.”

“And I back your decision one hundred percent.” Discord says as he puts the letter in a sandwich and guzzles it down like a drink. “And while I hate to make sense of why Twilight is persistent, it is probably due to the fact that you haven’t made any effort to reply”

“Shouldn’t me not replying send the message?” Like, yeah, what the fuck?

Discord smirks at you and pokes at your forehead “Did you suddenly forget where you are? Since when did our purple princess ever get the hint?”

Dammit…

You swipe Discord’s paw away as you realize your own ignorance. “Alright, alright. I get it, I guess I can have a word with her since we’re gonna be stopping by the castle anyway.”

Discord looks at you with a pouty face “Do you mind if I watch? Pwetty pwease? I want to see her reaction when you tell her 'no'”

“You’re actually asking?”

“Yes, but even if you say no, I’m going to listen in anyway. I’m just taking the fifty fifty chance of actually being wanted for this.” Discord says as he straightens his bowling shirt.

“Discord…” Actually, you could see that saying no to Twilight was going to cause some sort of an upset. But goddammit, it better not, she should be able to accept that you don’t want to go….right? Either way, you’d appreciate it if Discord didn’t nose in on this one. “Maybe another time. This is all friendship related. Twilight is going to be all sensitive about it and I’d rather deal with it on my lonesome.”

“Ugh, really? Come now, Anon. I wouldn’t even say a word, I could just watch” Discord tries to appeal to you any way he can. He was coming to respect your decisions...mostly. But he still wanted to have his way. “What if I gave you unlimited charges for a week?”

OHHHHH GAWD. Now that’s tempting.

But…

“Ugh, now that hurts. I’d love that, but Twilight is still my friend, I really don’t want to make things worse than they are probably going to be. Look, we’re supposed to be going bowling with the guys, right? What if you being there wastes too much time? What then?”

“Right! I forgot that Big Mac has that whole delivery thing to the superior Twilight’s town. Alright, alright. But don’t take too long then, because if you’re the reason we miss out on the game then I’ll be practicing on you for the rest of the day.” Discord says as he holds a pin with a head resembling your own. He then lashes at it with his tongue, knocking it down to the floor.

Cripes…

“Yeah yeah, I get it. Oh, one more thing. Are you sure you couldn’t get Fluttershy to see my final training exam tomorrow? She said she was pretty upset that she had to leave to deal with something with Thorax. And...you know...It can’t be that important.” You really wanted her to be there for tomorrow so you could show her just how great you’ve become recently. But apparently Thorax had been wanting to open the kingdom to visitors, and Fluttershy being the kind one, was asked to show the changelings how to be super extra welcoming on that very fucking day. How could they need help? They all became motherfucking pussies since he took over.

“I tried. Oh, I tried. I even went to the extreme of mentioning that you could meet your end from it. And she did mention that she tried to ask the others to fill in for her, but their all so busy now. You don’t even see Rarity at the boutique much anymore these days. Not that I care, but it does cause Fluttershy to leave her usual spots to go to the big city. And then you know how that goes, her being amongst the public means me being there would spook them too much. Ugh, trust me Anon, even I’m annoyed about this whole changeling business. I was sure we were done with them, but apparently not. But don’t fret, I’ll still be there...You wanted that…” Discord suddenly looks at you, in wanting of your approval of his presence “Right?”

“Ok, c’mon. Don’t get worried that I wouldn’t want you there just because of your little bowling prank. I appreciate it actually. I know how you don’t like to sit around doing nothing, so the fact you’re willing to go through that much for me means a lot.”

“Well that’s good to hear. I mean, who wouldn’t want this hunk of chaos rooting them on for victory? And since I am technically your father, I suppose I should say a word of comfort about tomorrow.” He raises his talon and makes a snap.

Suddenly, you are in an audience full of Discords as Discord himself stands at a podium. He clears his throat and speaks into a microphone to the crowd below him “Hello, I am Discord, Anon’s father. I am proud of my son, and I know he’ll do great tomorrow. He has nothing to fear as his progress in his training has been...somewhat...good? Hmm, that’d be the truth, but let’s lie a little and say he has been doing perfectly. Ahrm, anyway, the point is that he has made phenomenal progress due to his natural abilities and willingness to improve. Qualities that every pony should have if I do say so myself. Of course, all of this wouldn’t be possible without me. So…” Suddenly, he sounds like some kind of rambunctious preacher man. “CANNNN I GET A STAAAAANNNNDINNNGGG OVATION!” He cries as he wiggles his arms up in the air.

All the Discords rise up and cheer, hoot, and dance in honor of the Discord at the podium as you just stare with a raised eyebrow. Goddammit, he just had to do that.

Everything then suddenly returns to normal in a flash as Discord stands there with an arrogant grin.

You just roll your eyes and let out a chuckle. He was such a lovable asshole sometimes. You could read between the lines of his speech, you knew what he actually meant. “Ok buttmunch, you had your fun, let’s just get going, alright?”

“Gladly, I don’t want to use up any of our spare time anyway. I want to talk to Spike a little about our next campaign.”

Ugh...Dammit. “Really? But we just finished one.”

Discord seemed a little offended by that “What? Are you saying you wouldn’t want to start another adventu- Ohhhhhh….” Discord snickered “You’re still upset about that bad roll”

You didn’t want to talk about it “C-can we just go?”

Discord let out another little chuckle “Whatever you say, Conan”

And with a snap of his talons, you both were off.

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