• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter



With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 96 - Anon Vs. Starswirl...?

Your flight was long, hurled like a literal fireball across Equestria once more as you scream for dear life. You were in a spiral, unable to grasp your surroundings around you as you finally began to descend. In an instant, the clear blue skies around you becomes a deep dank dark blue as fish scatter away from you, your breath taken away as you find yourself in the depths of a lake. You didn’t even have a chance to take your breath as you start looking around frantically, trying to find out which way was up.

You were losing your consciousness as you desperately tried to find the surface of the water. Of course, you then remember all you had to do was put your horn on your head again and… Oh wait, never mind, you were suddenly covered in a white aura, an aura that started to pull you upwards while allowing you to breath. The fuck? You didn’t even get a chance to actually place your horn on your head yet, what was going on?

You start to arise from the surface of the water, coughing a little bit as you hang limp in the aura’s grasp. And then, that’s when you hear your rescuer’s voice. “Anon? Now that’s peculiar. What are you doing here? And in a lake? And why in the wide wide world of Equestria were you a fireball? It wouldn’t be due to your chaos magic, would it? You shouldn’t be casting spells you cannot handle, it’s quite dangerous.”

It was Starswirl himself, out in the middle of nowhere? In a clean open field alongside a road? And he seems concerned for you? Wut? You expected to land into some sort of lonely wizard’s tower or something. “W-what? Starswirl? Is that you?”

“It is.” Starswirl said as he gently placed you down on the ground, taking off his cape to wrap around you to keep you warm. “Now would you mind explaining your fiery entrance?”

“Ugh…” You sat down and let the warmth of his cape flow through you, that water was a little colder than you were used to, you probably flew up north as even the air felt a little more chilly than usual. “I came looking for you.”

“Looking for me? Hmmm…” Starswirl said as he pondered for a moment. “For somepony of your current power to be looking for me, I must assume some grave danger has befallen the ponies of Ponyville or Canterlot, am I correct?”

Wut? No, he wasn’t! The fuck?! Why was he so calm and not assholy? “No, you’re not.” You then looked to him with an angry expression as you pointed your hoof. This should reveal that coldness he has deep inside. “The reason I’m looking for you is because I want to fight you! I want to show the world that my powers are greater than yours!”

Starswirl was taken aback, surprised by your challenge. Then suddenly, he had a light hearted chuckle.” I see, I see. I guess you’re still angry about how I treated you upon our first meeting. In my defense, you are a very unusual anomaly. Chaos magic can only be handled by chaos beings. If anything else tries to handle the power of chaos itself without a way to resist its power, you become corrupted by it. And yet you are utterly immune to such an effect. Add to the fact that your attitude was less than pleasant, and there was a reason I thought of you as… Well, I don’t wish to use such a word anymore.”

Was… Was this real? You could remember back when Twilight had accidentally released the old six and the Pony of Shadows. Even before he met you, he was already stubborn and self centered. You intrigued him, but your foul attitude and darker musings made him think of you as an abomination. That was the word he didn’t want to use anymore. So what changed? Did he just stop being a douche when Stygian recovered? Did he truly feel so deeply responsible for it that he changed his ways without an extra push or secondary episode? “Yeah… Um… Huh. Ok, you’re kind of weirding me out. I remember you not liking me very much. Heck, the only thing we actually agreed on was how to deal with Stygian and we both ended up being wrong on that one.”

“Indeed, we had both misjudged the situation and made a terrible decision on how to proceed. Were it not for Princess Twilight’s incredible ability to see the hurt inside Stygian’s heart, well… I’m sure the guilt that would have overshadowed both of us would have been too great to handle. In fact, that is one of the reasons I have decided to go on this friendship pilgrimage. I wish to learn about that of what I had not embraced in my life of old. I want to be there for ponykind, not only to stop evil beasts, but to help them with their daily life, and even have fun with them. And I have to say, the new friends I have made along my journey so far are greater than any spell or research data I have ever come up with.” Starswirl then gave you a warm smile as he gently gave a pat to your head. “Anon, Princess Twilight has told me through her letters that you too are surrounded by such good friends. Although I am still learning myself, I feel I have sufficiently learned enough to say to you these words. Keep them close, Anon, and protect them as they would protect you. I even hope that we may become friends despite how we previously felt about each other. We don’t need to fight. In fact, why don’t you come along with me for the day? I’m sure having a little adventure together will help wash away any and all animosity we may very well have for each other.” Starswirl said, calm, cool, and wisely as he began to look to the horizon. “It won’t be boring, I can promise you that. Some of the ponies I have met have been quite exciting.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He’s a pussy now! GODDAMMIT! There is really no goddamn point in slaughtering a soft old man! FUCK! There is no glory at all. HOLY CRAP! Starswirl has been fucking ruined! And hell goddamn no, you were not going to do anything this fuck found fun. The guy sealed himself off for a hell of a long time, he wouldn’t know what true fun is if it bit him on the ass. The guy is too old fashioned and probably thinks sitting around and reading is fun. Yep, no thanks. “Yeaaahhh, I totally would. But uh, I got important Hero Colt stuff I gotta do.”

“Hm? I see. Well, despite that being an obvious lie, I’m not going to hold you back, I’d just suggest being more truthful. I think it’d be in your best interest given you are attempting to reform the Changeling Queen.” Starswirl tells you, unphased by your lie.

… Oh god. He knows about that? Well, he knew she was your friend before hand, but it seems someone filled him in on your current dealings. “What? Huh? How do you even know about that?”

“I’m still able to receive letters, you know. Princess Twilight had written to me a long while back that she was afraid that you may attempt to reform her without much of a plan, and asked me to be on standby should something go awry.” Starswirl said. “It seems by your surprise, that you’re already in the middle of your attempt. Would you at least care to tell me about it? Perhaps I can be of assistance.”

GODDAMN YOU, TWILIGHT! OF COURSE SHE’D GO BEHIND YOUR- Wait. “Y-you want to help me? What? I thought you hated Queen Chrysalis like everypony else.”

“As I said, I’m on this friendship pilgrimage to learn all I can about it. I have learned from my own mistakes of jumping to conclusions and making decisions that should not be made. I’m aware that Queen Chrysalis is of an evil sort, but I also know of your own accomplishments you have managed in friendship. What you wish to do is of a noble cause, and I’d like to offer my assistance in some way.” Starswirl said, sounding very sincere in his words.

Holy shit, he was really serious about this whole ‘friendship pilgrimage’ thing. But it still sounded like he was a newb at it, what could he offer you besides heavy firepower? Well, since he’s being nice, you could just ask him. “Erm, what kind of assistance would you be offering?”

“Well, as you know, I still would have to defend Equestria should things go awry. But, in the case of helping you, I have two pieces of advice that I think I am qualified to give you. Though it is up to you if you wish to listen, I would hope either way that it would help you in your endeavors.” Starswirl said.

Man, part of this was just kind of creepy with how nice he was being. That whole thing with Stygian must have really gotten to him. “What are they?”

“Well, one, never falter in your path, you have a strong connection to Queen Chrysalis because you are able to bond with her so well. Use that bond to show her the ways to friendship in only a way you and her can understand. And secondly, do not let Princess Celestia hold you back.” He tells you. Sounding serious in his tone.

“Well, I kinda knew the first one but… Wait… WAIT! What do you mean by that second one? That seems really… No wait, c’mon, everypony always says Celestia knows best. Are you actually Starswirl, or are you…” You go and reach your hoof to Starswirl’s beard and give it a tug, he doesn’t react with anything more than a gentle chuckle. “Ok, what’s so funny?”

“Your disbelief. I’m sure you know that I was both Princess Luna and Princess Celestia’s teacher, I taught them many a spell and incantation. So of course I also know how both of them are, and Princess Celestia has always had an issue of either thinking herself right or thinking she knows best. You would not believe how many arguments it had caused between her and her sister. Princess Celestia is a good ruler, but just like anypony else, including myself, she is but a pony and is subject to mistakes. She may have her own idea on how to help Queen Chrysalis at a point. But it is in my opinion that such an endeavor be left up to you and you alone. Of course, in such an endeavor, I’d implore you to be very cautious as well.” Starswirl explained.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooah, well there you go, concrete evidence that Princess Celestia wasn’t as godly as she may have thought she was. Man, Starswirl became pretty based thanks to this pilgrimage. “That’s actually really helpful. Um, thanks Starswirl. Really, that helps.”

“Ha! Then it seems I am getting the hang of things so far. Oh, and I can tell you’re surprised as well. Don’t be, Princess Celestia can be a hoof-full at times. I can remember a time she would eat cake during a lesson, with her explanation as to why was that sugar gave her the energy she needed to truly pay attention. Hmph, an excuse she only got away with only a few times until I showed her that her attention wasn’t enhanced as one might think. No, replacing her slice of cake with bog trog right when she was taking a bite made sure she’d never try that in front of me again.” Starswirl said with a cocky chuckle. “Princess Luna on the other hoof was a much better listener, though the few attempts she did make to get one over me was always met with failure.”

Wew, you knew the princesses could be pranksters, but it seemed they were never able to get one over on Starswirl. And ugh, bog trog? That shit must taste terrible. Note to self, when you challenge the princesses again at a prank off, use bog trog. As for Starswirl’s advice, it still felt a little weird he’d speak ill of Celestia, but it did make sense. He wasn’t telling you not to include her, just don’t let her trample over you. “Heh, sounds like you had your hooves full.”

“Between teaching the princesses and protecting Equestria, it was very straining on the horn. But that is one of the reasons I had a team, to ease the stress of doing it alone. In any case, I really must be going. So unless you’d like to tag along…” Starswirl said, it seemed he was expecting you to follow him, but you did have to decline. You had unlimited power, you had to find a way to use it.

“Ahm, sorry, I really do have something I gotta do. But I appreciate the advice and the talk, Starswirl, It was really enlightening.” You say, putting on a cheery smile, this was really not that bad.

“Well, I’m glad to be of assistance. And I wish you luck with whatever it is you must do.” Starswirl says, nodding to you.

And with that, you both said your goodbyes. You return his cape to him, and as he began to walk to his next destination, all you could do was smile about how well things went. Heh, he was a pretty cool guy. Ah, but the battle didn’t happen like you’d hope it would. Welp, time to call Discord and let him know the whole thing was called off. “Discord, hey, you there? You still baking?”

“Oh yes!” He answered immediately “Anon, my poor colt! Are you hurt? Ohhh noo… Anon, please return immediately so I may soothe your wounds.”

“Huh? Nah, dude, I didn’t get hurt, there wasn’t even… Wait, why did you think I got hurt?” You ask. The fuck? He seemed pretty confident that you were going to win before.

“E-erm, well… Wait, were you about to say there wasn’t a battle?” Discord asked.

“Uhhh, yeah?” The fuck was going on?

“I see… Give me a moment.” And with that, you suddenly could hear Discord calling out to some unknown parties. “Alright everypony, take back your bits, there was no fight, the bet is off. Hmmm? Yes, I said there was no fight. Well, it’s not my fault there is no payout. What are you complaining about, anyway? You were the only one who bet he was going to win! You were sure to lose that bet!”

‘Only one who bet he was going to win’... WAIT! DID HE SET UP A BET ON THE FIGHT?! AND THEN BET YOU’D LOSE?! WHAT THE FUCK!? HE GOT YOU EXTRA HYPED JUST TO HELP THE FIGHT ALONG! THAT ASSHOLE! “DISCORD! I CAN STILL HEAR YOU! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THE BET IS OFF?!”

“Anon, you needn’t shout, I can hear you just fine. As for the bet, well, how could I not set up a bet with our griffon friends from the bar? They are always up for things like this. I would have set something up at the bar I’ve taken Spike and Big Mac too, but they’re only open at night.” Discord explained.

“YOU SET ME UP TO LOSE, YOU FUCK!” You yelled at him.

“Actually, you did that. Come on, you beat Starswirl? You couldn’t even beat that broken horned unicorn. What’s her name… Stormy? I think?” Discord pondered

“I HAVE UNLIMITED MAGIC! HOW COULD I POSSIBLY LOSE?!” You growled at him.

“Because you are easy to trick, and it’d only take one powerful and magical blow to -GOOD HEAVENS! ANON, BEHIND YOU! A STICK OF DYNAMITE!” Discord suddenly yelled out.

You just narrowed your eyes at… nothing as you continued to speak into your codec. “Discord, I’m not stupid. I know how that trick works. Hell, I don’t even hear the fizz of a lit fuse.”

“Ohhhh, aha! I actually had forgotten about that part, thank you for reminding me.” Discord said with a chuckle, as you suddenly hear the fizz of a fuse behind you.

Oh hell no! You were not gonna fall for this one! You quickly slap on your horn and jump with a spin to spot the dynamite. You weren’t gonna teleport away, no, you were gonna send the bomb right back at him! But, upon your turn, all there was in front of you was just a lit fuse and nothing more. A-ha? So he was just joking? Ugh, thank god. “Discord… Sheesh, you almost had me there.”

“Anon, blowing you up with dynamite is so cartoony and immature, and I have grown both as an individual and as your friend to use such a childish trick.” Discord said, his tone quite fatherly.

“Heh, I guess. Thanks, I’m really glad that you… Oh, you fuck.” When you turned back around, there was a digital time bomb with only one second left in front of you.

“Such language. I’ll have you know that programming that thing was not easy and required advanced and very adult comprehensive sk-” Discord stops the moment he hears an explosion that cuts off the transmission. “Well, how rude.”

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