Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Hiatus Bonus Chapter
THE FOAL FREE PRESS
Canterlot Shutdown
The moon is stuck high in the sky, and yet it is eleven o'clock in the morning. Such is the most recognizable effect of the government shutdown in Canterlot.
After failing to reach an agreement on the budget for the next fiscal year, Princesses Celestia and Luna left the throne room just after midnight, and retired to their respective quarters. Much of the stalemate is due to Luna's new healthcare act, which would provide all of Equestria with access to affordable healthcare. Before slamming her door shut, Celestia was also heard mumbling something about refusing to dress up as a banana.
When asked to comment on the political debacle, Ponyville's Princess Twilight Sparkle offered the following:
"Ugh. Affordable healthcare act? Please. You want to know my version of affordable healthcare? Here you go. If you get sick and you're not a unicorn, go find one, and offer him or her a happy ending in return for a quick healing spell. Bam. Healthcare."
On the eve of a financial crisis, Celestia and Luna finally agreed to sign a temporary agreement that would allow them to continue taking our money, while not communicating, and continuing to ignore each other for approximately another four months.
What we at the Foal Free Press find most curious about this shutdown is even though they stopped doing their jobs, we are still paying the sun and moon taxes. Why the fuck were we still giving you money if you weren't using it for what it was supposed to be used for?
Up north, surprisingly unaffected by this, is Princes Cadance at the Crystal Empire.
"When the moon stopped moving I just cast my magical shield where everything looks normal again. I've got enough problems up here without those two dumbass sisters not getting along. You have to be very careful with power. Very, extremely careful. Just the other day, I saw a pair of ponies arguing in the streets, so I cast my love spell. Well, now I've got a case of incest on my hooves because another brother and sister are rutting each other. It's hard enough keeping Twilight away from my husband. All in all, some days, having Discord back in power sounds like a pretty favorable idea."
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I have this mental image of Discord saying at some point, "Take power back? Why? I'm learning so much about chaos watching the current rulers try to work."
i got a question are you making chapters for this story when this story say it is on Hiatus
3389648 Hiatus Bonus Chapter.
You are like, the 45th person to ask me this. I am out of official show content, so I'm ponifying and parodying real-world events.
Dammit, Cadence, love spells are not the answer to all of life's problems. Especially not the ones had by blood relatives..
3389656 i am sorry that i am the 45th person to ask that and ok
Apparently, the colts and fillies of the Foal Free Press have no qualms about saying 'fuck' in their articles. I wonder who wrote this one in particular. Apple Bloom, maybe?
3389656
Thankfully this will soon be remedied with 26 glorious episodes.
3389681 Indeed.
Someone needed to post it so I might as well do it.
Heh, you should've dressed as a banana, Celestia.
3389688 I think you're already going to enjoy poking fun at the fact that yet another evil force shows up and Celestia and Luna conviently disappear. Me thinks Disgruntled Twilight's going to smell a conspiracy.
This was very appropriate. I find it funny because I'm Canadian, too. We can't have a government shutdown! The way our system is set up, something like that just can't happen!
Although, in this case, I'm a crystal pony.
3389789
Well, the Crystal Empire is Pony Canada anyway, so there you go.
3389862 -insert joke about how all crystal ponies are earth ponies-
3389789
Weren't you Canadians trying to invade us during that shutdown? What, don't got enough land up there?
And didn't your whole country go on strike? Over something about not getting respect or money?
3389874>>3389789 This shut down was spearheaded by a Senator who was originally from Canada.
In the words of Seth Meyers, "Well played, Canada."
3389862 Exactly
3389874 Uhhh... what in the fuck are you talking about...? I know about corruption scandals involving the mafia and construction companies, but trying to invade the US? Where the fuck did you hear that?
3389892 That's news to me. Then again, I don't really engage in politics. I just look into it every now and again, laugh at the republicans for whatever stupid thing someone did or said for a bit, then move on. But hey, fuck everyone in the Tea Party, that's all I know.
3389912 I laugh at all politics, so I'm right there with ya.
I'm also a hairbreadth away from moving to Canada. Any jobs up there?
3389916 Fucked if I know!
3389874>>3389894
GordonFreebrony, I think you're confusing an episode of South Park with real life. In your defense, it's perfectly understandable; sometimes I'd rather live in South Park than in real life.
3389894 Wait, we weren't trying to invade the US? Then why the hell do I have an assault rifle and several thousand cubic tonnes of bacon?
3389932 That is a fantastic plan. Fire all the bacon over to Mexico, you fool everyone here into invading Mexico, and bam, you've got a ton of prime land for the settling.
This was pretty good. Made me laugh, mainly cause I actually recognized where some of the jokes came from this time.
3389932 I would say you were probably preparing for a camping trip, but that can't be it. After all, you forgot the six million pounds of maple syrup.
3389892
LOL
3389894
It was an Onion-type article perpetuated by people making fun of the idiotic republicans. Then again they do a pretty good job...
And by that I mean if their intent is to spread ignorance and idiocy throughout the world. I mean Global Warming being Communist propaganda? Sigh.
3389922
No, I was referencing that episode, fwiend.
I was wondering how long it would take you to write a chapter on this.
And the fact that we were still paying taxes during that fiasco just dawned on me. I will now proceed to facepalm harder.
3389949 Indeed, because we all know that the Soviet Union was deeply in love with the production of CO2... Um... Shit, I don't think I can make a joke out of a joke... fuck
Always a satire on politics.
Love it.
Who knew your Disgruntled Twilight could actually provide a reasonable and sensible solution to a problem that plagues her country?
I still find it a little unfortunate that this delightfully dirty satire hits the Feature Box every time it updates, yet something truly magnificent like Zenith doesn't. I'm not complaining, but I don't get it.
Have you seen the synopsis of the fourth season yet
Can't wait
this, just... yes
3389988 I don't quite understand the heat system that they use. All I know is that the bottom three slots are for story updates. And with nearly 3,000 favorites, I'd wager that this story has a lot of whatever the "heat" is.
3390015 Well give some of your heat to The Descendant, will ya? Nobody likes heat hoggers. ...Except the ones who like them enough to get them in the feature box, I guess.
I'M DYING
Your commentaries on current events...
This was hysterical. As always. God I love this fic.
3390082
and yore senses perfect am grammars.
3390139
congrats. You are now holding two, fully charged shock paddles and screaming into thew air. You forgot to use them, you know.
3390165
Whoops.
3390249
You.... understood that? I'm actually, sincerely impressed at your sheer idiocratic ability to read such a perfect affront to grammar and the English language. Congratulations.
3390262
Isn't as bad as the legitimately bad fics that come in every day. Purposely trying to suck is difficult. You had enough to get the point across.
Specifically:
And the general derpity of the comment as well.
So.... ya.
Twi solution is a nice recipe for herpies epidemy.
3390055 No! Not right now, because Celestia will block your health care!
3389632
ROFL! In that case, Discord should come to OUR world. He'd learn TONS more by watching the U.S. Government work.
But yea, pretending Discord is England... With the way our bucked up government is doing things, having England back in power over us doesn't sound so bad right now...
Discord for President! At least you know what kind of chaos he will cause!
3390284
I forgot that sarcasm doesn't travel well through the medium of the internet. It's like dunking your head in the ocean screaming 'HELP' hoping someone across the sea will hear you.
3390469
Cthulhu for President! Why choose the lesser evil?
3390586
Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that you are standing in the middle of a street next to a defibrillator and holding the paddles while talking to yourself. You crazy psycho.
3390484
On second thought, I probably should've sensed the sarcasm in that, were I not occupied by something else at the moment, plus the general end-of-the-day brain breakdown.