Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Sonic Rainboom
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, I decided I'm going to forget absolutely everything I learned in my physics classes, for the following reasons:
Just as I was finished cleaning up the library, Rainbow comes crashing through my window. This happened because the mach cone she was forming slingshot her backwards. Not only that, but upon impact, every single book fell from the shelves, yet the ladder managed to stay up. I even got four scrolls in my mouth. Why I'm not the target of every stallion in this town is beyond me. Secondly, the spell book I needed happened to land on Pinkie when she was knocked into the bookcase. In fact, I've slowly started to disregard physics whenever Pinkie is involved with anything.
So Rarity suggested that I find some way to be at the Best Young Flier's competition to cheer Rainbow on, and that absolutely thrilled me. It was my chance to finally get out of this cesspool of a town for a bit. Rarity volunteered to be the test subject for the wings spell in the book. It was brave of her, not knowing the effects, but I suppose, like me, she didn't want lesser ponies to have wings if this spell was too difficult to perform more than once.
Well, turns out it worked, but it took so much energy, that I couldn't preform it more than once. So I found an easier spell that lets unicorns and earth ponies walk on clouds. That way, there was at least some chance that Pinkie and Applejack would fall to amusing deaths.
Rainbow and Fluttershy seemed to be surprised. We had a few hours before the competition, so Dash took us to see how the weather is made. This tour helped me draw two conclusions. One: Cutie Marks are useless. How do ponies with basketball, hoofball, and dumbbell cutie marks end up as employees of the weather factory? Two: I've gathered further evidence that Pinkie is turning into a carnivore. I mean, she tasted the rainbow pools, and everypony knows how the rainbows are made.
Well, those cutie-mark-confused ponies kept teasing Rainbow Dash, or as they put it, Rainbow Crash which is quite the fitting name. She really is terrible at flying. I didn't realize how insecure she was, because their teasing started to get to her. All that confidence and attitude was just a mask. Rarity noticed her weakness, and decided to one-up her and enter the contest herself. Daring, I must say.
So we all went to the Cloudiseum, and found our seats. Pinkie came in with something she calls a 'foam finger'. I don't know where she got it, but that is the most freaky appendage I have ever seen in my entire life. The performances began, and young Pegasi did a variety of tricks. One even managed to press Z or R 32 times.
Rainbow and Rarity came on stage last. Rainbow looked nervous as hell, and Rarity looked like quite the whore. She went into this completely lame midair ballet routine, while Rainbow knocked herself into a cloud pillar, the side of the stadium, and lastly, tried to assassinate you with a cloud. Good job on ducking, by the way.
At the end of it all, Rarity decided to ignore all my warnings, and flew up close to the sun, and got her wings evaporated. Remarkably, she also was able to knock out three of Equestria's finest fliers too. I'm not sure how Rainbow flew fast enough to grab them all, not to mention pulling up at a 90 degree angle. But before she did, she farted a rainbow or something. Fluttershy seemed to be quite excited by it. So all in all, she won the contest, and was awarded first prize.
A threesome with the Wonderbolts. Too bad I can't join in.
Your former, still sexually frustrated former student,
Twilight Sparkle
Brilliant as always.
Sparkle never gets any.
"A threesome with the Wonderbolts. Too bad I can't join in."
"I even got four scrolls in my mouth. Why I'm not the target of every stallion in this town is beyond me."
"Your former, still sexually frustrated former student,"
Liking the trend
"Farted a rainbow"?
"You got a problem with that?"
"No. I just it was hilarious."
"Why am i here again?"
This story intrigues me
Another lovely chapter. Twilight is beginning to understand that there is a conspiracy to keep her from the stallions.
Even if she is the poster-child for "hot dog down a hallway" or so it seems.
More!
You got featured...
Again...
With chapters that have less than 1,000 words...
*Beep* *Beep*, "Oh sorry, that's my wizard-detector going off"
God i love it when you use 'sexually frustrated'
Eventually she'll get some :V. That or she'll kidnap Dash and rape her to within an inch of her life.
sexual frustration, it's what's causing her bad temper.
951255
If I may be so kind as to answer that. It is to my knowledge that if you live in a cesspool, you would tend to use the word 'cesspool' quite a bit.
I'msorrypleasedon'tbanishmetothemoon.
Love ya!
For me, this story started out high and then took a swan dive into an empty concrete pool.
951319
And for me, it started high and then rocketed to low planetary orbit. I just wonder who this pony is and what she did with Twilight Sparkle...
951255
Would "shit-hole" work better for you?
Oh god what's it going to be like when you do Lesson Zero XD this fiction is bloody hilarious. Just couldn't stop laughing! good work.
Sexual Frustration is worst pony
I've missed these...
Poor Twilight will never get laid.
These are terrible and awful and hilarious and funny.
Gonna have to watch; I'm curious to see if this Lawful Neutral version of Twilight Sparkle ever gets laid. Or takes the slip down into Lawful Evil.
It'd also be interesting to see one of Celestia's letters back sometime. Maybe a hint of them where she's just as snarky and venomous as Sparkle here.
Okay, if that was a reference to Rainbow factory, I'm not sure whether I should love or hate you for it.
The transformation begins. Twilust is coming.
Seriously, I love this fic!
Loving it!
milesprower06, something tells me you'll be getting a vist from Twilight with your "friendshipship" letters in her Telekintic grip. She will be giving you an earful on proper friendship lesson.
951551 I'm grinning so wide at this it hurts.
951839>>951551
It would be awesome to see some returned letters. Especially if they were written like that.
951551
Did you write that or did it come from somewhere else? Because if you wrote them, good job and you should try writing some more.
951335
...
Why are there bananas on the moon, anyway?
Shouldn't it be cheese?
Or... Marshmallow?
951904
I did write that as a lark, yes. I have been known to write things now and again.
951989
Like I said, good job. It was an interesting read.
Why do I have the feeling that these are the letters she sends the slow way so the others don't find out what she REALLY thinks?
951335
That question, along with your profile pic, is a bit traumatizing. xD
951816
Maybe then Twilight will finally get laid... *rimshot*
951646
The double entendres! They hurt!
So no one has said it then, well I guess its up to me then.
Fox! Do a barrel roll.
"Rarity looked like quite the whore."
Brilliant.
951989 I recommend submitting that as a story here. As long as it's 1000 words.
lol threesome with the wonderbolts! Yep that sounds like 1st prize
Haha, this brightened my morning. I had a huge grin the entire time.
"Your former, still sexually frustrated former student"
Twilight, you have mail from the department of redundancy department.
16 consecutive barrel rolls?
Well, at least he'll be able to beat Andross' inevitable suction attack that always happens before you can ever damage him.
ah phew, you're back. the last couple of letters weren't fantastic as the first few, and I was getting a bit nervous. But now you're back, as awesome as ever.
Star Fox reference... you're my hero.
Rarity: Something's wrong with the G-diffuser!
Twilight: Use the boost to get through!
*Rainbow Dash saves Rarity*
Rarity: Gee, I've been saved by Dash, how swell.
That's actually a pretty good question. Uh, let's see, I guess the weather factory found things for them to do that made use of their respective throwing, kicking, and lifting skills?
951551
that is a surprisingly good idea, and a nice way to show it.
...Cutie Marks are useless... but our lives! *dies*
While still amusing, this one isn't as funny as the others. Most likely its because Sonic Rainboom is my all time favorite episode.
This is hilarious
Keep up the good work!
>> I mean, she tasted the rainbow pools, and everypony knows how the rainbows are made.
I remember...
Rainbow Factory reference!
951551 LOL
that made me laugh more than this chapter
963848 Thanks for reading. I'm currently struggling with Part 17.
When I first started out, I flirted with the idea of, for comedic flair, making the letters I was struggling with just one or two sentences long. Not sure if I'm going to stick with that. We'll see.