Letter 117
Dear Princess Dayrrière,
I might need to delay our tea time until next week, possibly even later. The reason for this requires a bit of explanation.
I have discovered a way to separate my flesh and skeleton into two distinct lifeforms. I, Twiggy Pig, am the flesh. SkeleTwi technically has no brain, so she’s basically me but smarter. Seeing as I now had what is effectively a second body, I decided to make use of it. I sent my skeleton to do this week’s mandatory socializing in my stead. It hasn’t come back yet and no one I’ve asked has seen it, so I’m incapacitated for the time being.
When I initially planned this out, I was expecting to use magic to move myself around, but I forgot the very important fact that I can't do magic without my head bone. It seems like an obvious connection to make for most people, but you have to remember: I have absolutely no foresight whatsoever. I’m an asshole, and the only sight assholes have is hindsight.
Anyway, I can’t come sip juice with you because my skeleton is somewhere out there with my magic, leaving me flaccid and limp and very, very sad. I hope you’ll forgive my absence due to this unexpected and completely unavoidable mishap.
Your unfunny bone,
TwicycleP.S. - It’s not necromancy because my skeleton was never dead.
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I just
Twiggle, why?
That’s pretty good.
She's so concerned with if she could rather than is she should.
facepalm
so... how is she telling this to anon if she has no bones or magic to move her mouth?
She also has the advantage of not being purple.
Wow..... that's actually pretty good.
Third person to say it (
)— that was pretty damn good.
Technically she's correct, the best kind of correct!
So SkeleTwi lacks the dedicated horror center AND her purpleness? She's going far as a hero, that's for sure!
10116145
You don’t need bones to move your lips and tongue, so I imagine she’s slurring heavily the whole time
10116125
Ponies stopped asking her why, because she always answers that question with another question. 'why not?' It's now recognized as an exercise in futility. In fact, it's Equestrian law that if somepony discovered one of Twilight's messes and asked 'why' before notifying Spike so he could notify the crown, and if in the time delay of a response caused by asking 'why' the problem got worse, that pony who stopped to ask 'why' is legally considered an accessory to Twilight's purpleness.
Because you could have prevented this.
"If I'm not Purple Smart, then I'm just Purple, and we already got a couple of those!!!
I am literally collapsing with laughter.
10116181
Or Anon watched her do it in the same way one watches a train wreck, and just took it from there. After looking for a sufficiently amusing glass container to pour her into, probably.
Time to get out the bone hurting juice...
Goddammit, Twiggles. Just... why?
10116185
twilight is now at Cave Johnson levels of stupid.
"science isnt about why, its about why not".
.
.
.
urgent note: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW TWILIGHT TO PLAY EITHER PORTAL GAME OR LEARN THEY EXIST.
we cannot afford her getting the sort of "ideas" that got old aperture incinerated then sealed.
She can't use magic?
I only see benefits if it stays like that
Great- all the more easier to nuke Purple Smart’s brain into oblivion now that her mind and body are severed. Equestria also doesn’t have anything advanced enough she can use to make a mechanical body and even then, it can be sliced apart or zapped by lightning to be considered a mercy kill.
I would love to have Anon's job, the amusement factor alone trumps any inconveniences he has to deal with.
Hah, good one!
They just keep coming.
At least she can have all the bone hurting juice she wants
At first I wanted to object, but then I remembered she has an purple brain...
So yeah, makes sense this way.
It probably did the smart thing (possible due to reasons stated above) and ran away, never to be seen again.
I don’t know why but I’m reminded of the “skelenora?” I think it was called? The “You can’t fuck a skeleton, Anon!” Picture. Which brings me to this; Twiggie offering zebra cakes to Zecora. Or one of the hundred other Jargon Scott pics with Zeebs
10116134
Next thing you know, she'll watch Jurassic park and will get the idea to bring back dinosaurs through Starlight's time-travel spell. Go back, steal a large collection of eggs from every discovered species for the greatest chance of success via unfortunate but quite necessary trial and error (which ironically enough they'll later discover via an annoyed Dino-god (who is fittingly enough named Yoshi) that it was precisely BECAUSE she took that large sample of eggs that dinos went extinct in the first place) and get Flutters to help care for them without telling her the kind of eggs she's looking after. "It's just some exotic bird eggs. They're an endangered species, and I'm trying to save them." Of course Flutters jumps at that chance....until they start to hatch. They ALL start to hatch. She knows instantly what they are because of course she does because she's Yellow Quiet the Animal Whisperer (I swear I wasn't actually trying to be clever here. Looked at that combination when re-reading looking for grammar errors and laughed) and after asserting her dominance looses her cool at Twilight...but finds habitats for most of them anyway. Most, because the rest escaped into two different places:
1. The Apple orchard and is eating the leaves and flowers since there's no fruit on the branches yet. (Have you ever seen a field of apple trees in flower when the petals are raining down? It's like watching the same thing with cherry-blossom trees, only it's white petals instead of pink. It's really pretty.) Herbivore, and has de-flowered and leaved about a quarter of the orchard in one meal because it's a small herd in height but not amount.
and
2. White-tail woods. The deer are besieged by about 8 raptors and 6 T-rex. Again, infant-stage, so the raptors are the size of Compies (those tiny dinos that attacked the girl on the beach in the second movie, but the baby raptors are slightly better-built and therefore slightly faster. That's what they called them in the books), and the T-rexs are the size of short adult-raptors. The two species haven't figures out they're different yet other than in size, and since they hatched together they think they're the same pack/herd. Basically, the raptors are the tiny-and-weak genius (cliche) and the T-rexs are the stupid-but-strong and protective older sibling. They probably won't be small and slow for long, though. Give it a few months and they'll tear the place apart.
The royals don't really know what to do, here. On one hoof, they're dangerous creatures and have little idea how they'll act in this time outside of ordinary and expected predator and prey species regular actions when looking for food, and breeding. On the other, though, they're a species that had once been extinct, and now they aren't. The Scientific community is of course very excited at this turn of events, despite the method (or perhaps because of it, because it's quite brilliant, actually. According to fossil record, these creatures died out countless eons ago, Why? They don't know for certain, but Twilight has found a way to, without using necromancy, bring an extinct species from ages ago back to life, or rather, preserve or displace and REplace them. What else could they bring forward that has died out? Actually, this might be where the royals put their hoof down and say no, as this could be abused in ways that WOULD screw up the timeline. The SC might be able to convince them to allow them to petition for certain species to be brought back if they can produce a cohesive argument and then negotiate for the time of recovery, the place to study it/them, and a new habitat for it if it proves possible to mingle it with modern populations of critters. Though imagine their surprise if they brought forward what they thought was a dumb ancestral beast and it turned out to be smarter than they are.) because now it means that so many questions they had regarding dinosaurs and other extinct creatures can be answered.
Dang! That's a lot of text! Hm...actually....Hey 2Merr. Would you mind if I, or anyone else made mini-fics connected to individual letters or just to the fic in general? Like going into detail as to what brought events to require a letter to the royals be it good or bad? Of course you'd be credited, and a link to the letter would be posted.
This is what happens when Twilight acts like a lazybones.
This has to be a marrowing experience.
Hopefully, she'll feel in her bones how wrong this was.
It's kind of amazing that she has the skull to perform such complex magics.
Anyway, I'm sure she'll get by the skin of her teeth.
Maybe Anon should get a newspaper and spray bottle. It might help keep Twilight from going Twilight things if you catch her before it happens. Might help.
Still, very fun read. Don't know where all these ideas keep coming from, but keep up the great and unique work.
10116530
Sure, you can do minifics or basically whatever you want, I don’t mind at all. However, I think a lot of the funniness comes from the lack of details leading into Twilight’s shenanigans, so keep that in mind if you’re going for comedy. If you’re going for horror, be my guest. There’s a lot to work with on that front.
10116273
I can definitely see her doing her own version of the moon portal without having an easy shut off ready or if she did it immediately got sucked through the portal.
Might be time to up Twilight's medication again, that or give anon the magical equivalent of a cattle prod, or have Celestia give her a "friendship lesson" of going a while without using magic(followed immediately by a letter stating that that includes any loophole such as potions, artefacts or somehow using someone else's magic)
10116530
Have you Tried Private Messaging him with your Idea? That tends to be a better way of getting people's attention quickly.
Holy shit. The infection spreads across time!
Clearly, she needs to meet up with Celestia to drink bone hurting juice.
Velvet must be disappointed all the time and have some idea why. Also wondering why this skeleton is at her door.
Ya know, I don't wanna be that guy, but these are...losing their appeal. Twilight being purple is fine, but this is starting to feel like a Flanderization.
Maybe it's just me but I'm having a hard time finding these humorous. Might just be me, idk.
10117430
Twilight was raising zombies in letter 7, letter 8 implies a kidnapping, and she used Shiny as changeling bait in letter 17. Over 100 letters later and now you think she's too crazy?
10117430
This is pretty consistent with how she's acted throughout the story.
Twi has been pretty exaggerated and insane from the start.
10116821
I know, but I'm in no rush. I also posted it here to see other folks' reaction to the plot idea. If it got at least ten upvotes within two weeks or so, then I'd put in real effort to finish it within a day. I'm generally a lazy person but if I have encouragement on top of finding my own amusement off something then it's easier to concentrate my efforts.
I used to write fanfiction here several years ago but I burnt myself out for the most part. it's rare I find any inspiration anymore.
10116811
no kidding. There's some letters here that the implications of what must have gone on in the background are almost enough to make one want to go out and build a flamethrower for protection.
10118151
Ah that makes sense.
this reminds me of that one family guy episode where peter finds a genie and wishes for his own theme song. he then gets threatened by a guy on the bus, who says hes going to break peter, who wishes for no bones. hes pretty much an even more an noying jabba the hutt for the rest of the episode.
Oh dear...
Dear Princess Smell-Best-ia
The Enemy has taken our intelligence.
Red Twiper
...I have no words.
Twilight, my expectations for you were low but holy shit. What’re you gonna do next?! Panic buy Toilet Paper!?
10117979
The sad part is that while the storydoes exaggerate her...it’s not by much.
Even her skeleton is done with her shit
10230237
I'm reminded of that scene in Fallout NV, in Big MT, where the Courier meets their own brain.