Dear Princess Bunshine,
The full story is boring, so I’ll give you the short version. The orphanage in [insert horse pun] was in a really shitty spot, right? Walls were moldy, windows were broken, ceiling didn’t work; it was all kinds of bad. I tried getting the owner of the building to do something, but she said the insurance money for repairs was being used to buy food for the orphans.
Being the law-abiding citizen I am, I was morally outraged by such a clear case of insurance fraud. However, I do have a heart, albeit a purple one. Instead of reporting her to the police, I checked the insurance policy to see if the building was covered for fire (it was). I knew that if she burned the building down, it could be seen as a different form of insurance fraud, and I refuse to let the law be broken so easily, so I took matters into my own horn and burned the orphanage down myself.
My plan was foolproof on paper. I would pretend to be an angel delivering orphans from squalor by burning down their metaphorical prison, and Miss Fuckshername would use the money to buy a better place. Unfortunately, paper isn’t practice. As it turns out, giving yourself a halo does not automatically make everything you do morally good or legal. I was not aware of this. Said lack of awareness is also not a valid legal defense. Who knew?
If there was a lesson to be learned, it’s currently buried under the ashes of an orphanage. It’s safer there.
Your holy hellfire,
Twilighter
... I think it's time to commit Twilight, Sunbutt. The meds clearly aren't helping.
*double facepalm* oh dear heavens, twilight, you neurotic mess of a mare
That has to be my new favorite ending line so far.
Annon, what the fuck? Haven't you been hiding Twiggles' medicine inside her breakfast for her, why isn't the medicine working? You put it in Spike's pancakes by accident, didn't you!?
I swear every time I see an update I'm never let down. This fucking girl xD
I wonder if Anon got sentenced as accomplice and is her cell mate or if he has written the report while visiting hour.
Dear Twiburner,
The guards are on the way. Do not resist.
Sign
ANW
10060143
Trust me if Celestia actually cared twilight would have been off the streets a long time ago.
Twilight, you... No, just no.
... I mean, at least it's for non "For
SCIENCEMAGIC!" reasons? Sorcerous Horserus is definitely skipping her meds, though.I...er...God dam that was a trip and a half. Twilight is like a unholy combination of a d7d rouge and a person guided solely by "I wonder what happens if?"
10060209
a true chaotic neutral.
I'm pretty sure Twilight's become some kind of über-sociopath at this point. I wonder whose life she's gonna ruin next?
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Twig is inevitable
Uh oh, time to call the twirefighters!
Any plan that involves orphanage arson is a Bad. Plan.
Twilight, I know you literally worship Equestria's resident pyromaniac goddess about a trillion times more than everyone, but that doesn't mean you should imitate literally every facet of her life.
I think you have a purple brain as well, Twiggles
10060249
I can definitely agree with that
To paraphrase Black Mage: "You all saw it! That orphanage attacked me!"
Ah, a worthy bearer of the Purple Heart indeed. Always interesting to see Twiggles showing that she's actually a good pony, although in a rather purple way. Maybe too purple, one could say, but we all know that to be blasphemy!
I love how in this story Twilight maxed the intelligence without putting a single point into wisdom.
10060249
What if you're dealing with zombie orphans?
Next up she'll be burning churches and singing Disney songs while doing it. Seriously , what's a single thing she hasn't done yet that resulted in partial or complete disaster in this fic ?
10060354
You get a priest to bless the water in the sprinkler system. Or, if they're biological zombies, send in the knife-Roombas.
10060357
Sending her reports.... Though I guess she messed that up in canon during the 'Want It, Need It' incident for Lesson Zero.
What makes this funnier, is that I have two DND players that actually burned down an orphanage in our first two sessions in order to adopt children.
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Lovely place, it is. I hear it has the most beautiful
architecturetemperate climatesunsets.10060444
What's with players and burning down orphanages. One of mine did the same in order to try and save them from a gang. Surprise surprise casting fire spells in an old wooden Building might set it on fire.
I can't even imagine what the reply to this is going to be.
10060504
Oh, technically one originally did it because the children didn’t like seeing Communist Propaganda plastered on it. THEN it turned into an adoption scheme.
10060362
wouldn't getting a priest to bless the water in the sprinkler system also be a 'Bad. Plan.' as you would then need to do at least some form of arson inside the orphanage to get the sprinklers to trigger?
10060618
Just hold up a lighter to the detector bit.
10060362
You mean like knife tentacles?
God damn it.
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10060205
Again
10060357
Something tells me Celestia didn't send Twilight to live in a backwater town far away from Canterlot just because Nightmare Moon.
For the love of God I hope the children weren't inside at the time!
*walks in pack full of C-12* Damned Twilight burned it down now what am I supposed to do with all this you have no idea how much nyne it cost me to get all of this from that fixer! Hmm well there is that temple across the street...
Dammnit Purple!
... she did remember to remove the orphans first, right?
Wait why would she openly burn it down most insurance policies pay extra for accidental fires you've gotta stage an accidental fire Twilight
10061183
Ah, but that's the beauty of the plan: By not removing the orphans ahead of time, the orphanage won't have to spend the insurance money on feeding them anymore! Surely, this plan would have held up if only she had gone to purple court instead.
10061349
You jest but given that this universe's Twilight has both been a ghost & bound them, raised corpses and considers "clone them and blow up the original" as a valid & even superior alternative to the Heimlich maneuver, she might very well consider taking out life insurance on the orphans, letting them burn, collecting the money and then resurrecting them.
And then wiping their memory of burning to death, of course. She's not a monster, after all.
Assuming she remembers.
And only after grilling them (no pun intended) on what it was like to burn to death.
I really hope Anon wasn't an accessory BEFORE the fact and found out about what happened after the purple menace was arrested.
So she's a villain now right? They sent her a card?
10061890
I think he is protected legally from purpleness by extension or accessory.
Let’s be clear; we all knew it was only a matter of time