Letter 132
Dear Princess Cake and Sundry,
Guess who just got ten bits and possibly stunted the mental development of a toddler? If you guessed me, you’re right! Twi “Not Your Bud” Light is the proud new owner of ten—you read that correctly, Princess, ten—whole circles of metal. How did I accomplish such a feat? I’ll give you a hint: it starts with an N and ends with a Y.
Did you guess “not having any moral qualms about magically altering the brain of a baby?” Wow, right again! You’re really good at this, Princess.
Here’s what happened: Pinkie was babysitting the Cake twins when I stopped by to stuff my gullet. She was doing the thing you do with babies where you cover and uncover their eyes and go “Where’s Pinkie? There she is!” She tried showing me how smart they were by telling me to ask one of them where Pinkie was. I did, and they both pointed to the Pink One.
Being the enterprising mare I am, I bet her ten bits I could get one of them to point at me even when I’m hidden. Pink and purple share a color, so she immediately agreed. I turned myself invisible, then shot a beam of concentrated trauma into Pumpkin. I couldn’t do it to her brother because it apparently only works on unicorns, further proving that magic is bullshit.
She started staring into the spot where I was standing. It wasn’t the normal “I’m a dumb baby” stare, either. This was some nightmare shit. She barely even blinked. I snuck around, and the possessed child’s head followed me everywhere. Behind walls, on the next floor, even across town, Pinkie said her head was always facing me like a compass.
Pinkhorse was freaked out, so I undid it. Pumpkin’s gaze stopped following me, but she kept the thousand-yard stare. I’m sure it’ll wear off eventually.
Your prequel to a horror story,
Twilent Hill
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That's gotta be illegal, right? Maybe she should actually face punishment for her crimes, right? Right?
Can I learn this power please?
This sounds like the equivalent of giving someone else's kids drugs.
... Oh dear. I have a bad feeling of where this might be going
10260974
Nah, she's too dumb and purple for it to do any good.
10260994
later in life she goes permanently goth, and never escapes
Anon..:.why didn’t you stop this?!?!?
10261007
Then she needs to be killed while she sleeps, so she doesn't cast her favorite little spell.
Purple... The f
?
Fucking... purple...
10261008
Or there's an Equestrian equivalent of Pyramid Head
10261038 NO.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I hope your hearing is okay after what Luna just did.
But, you definitely deserved that hour long Royal Voice Rant. What you did was crossing the 2nd line.
Keep this up, and I might have to use the ultimate punishment. Please don't make me use it.
Your royal mentor
Princess Celestia.
Dear Anon,
I'm sure you, Spike and Trixie enjoyed my emergency gift of Royal Earmuffs. Also, is horror movie night still on? Me and Luna are looking forward to it.
From
Tia
10260974 Purple Smart is only smart enough to keep herself alive while driving everyone else insane. I get headaches just thinking about how the fucking hell is she still alive. Celly did a crap job, Velvet didn't work, Shiny's traumatized, drugs didn't work and the damn mare is impervious to most kinds of magic in addition to violating the same laws of magic( and reality) for the hell of it all.
I'm sorry, but this Twilight is starting to- no has become my berserk button out of all the incarnations of Twilight Sparkle. Maybe I should stop reading this fic because her OP dumbassery is pissing me off.
Also, her sheer dumbassery is on par with Gmod.
Jesus....
The bad news is that Pumpkin transcended this mortal plane.
The good news is that lost Carcosa actually has some really nice daycare places.
Twilight, why are you like this…?
And Pinkie, even someone purple should've seen that coming, it's Twilight we're talking about.
Hey looking to the Bright Side, the purple one can no longer hide from Justice or the doctors if they use that spell but like a traking chip.
Oh I get it! Purple causes cancer because purple is at the UV-barrier end of the visible light spectrum. Good grief, twilight is the first penultimate example of being so intelligent you cause an IQ rollover into negative oblivion.
she's reached levels of purpleness that have never been seen before
10261136
Now that's a sentence I didn't expect to read.
Wow, I think this is one can't be excused. There's no real way to dig out of this. Twilight harmed a child. Bit mad at Anon for not watching out for this.
I’ll give you a hint: it starts with an N and ends with a Y.
Necromancy?
10261008
You say that, but it IS a legitimate lifestyle, and almost nothing like what the pretentious teens and wannabes think.
My god.
10261200
Probably more like an example of what happens, when you max intelligence, but use wisdom as a dumpstat
This is turning into Anonpencil's Twilight...
Ah, so NAUGHTY then.
Same thing.
10261095
Maybe they should try swapping her out with the Equestria girls version of her, or at very least send her to the other side of the mirror to make it harder for her to use magic so casually, heck maybe Sunset and human world medicine will have better luck turning down her crazy levels.
10261038
Two instances of The Red Pyramid approached a small unicorn foal each carrying one half of a pyramid-shaped helm. the one on the left glanced at his companion.
"Why are we doing this again?" he asked.
The one on the left shrugged "It was The Purple One's idea."
The two placed the halves of the helm over the foal's head and with a flash of light, a baby pony shaped Red Pyramid was born complete with a foal sized Great Knife. Ponyville descended into madness. Everypony blamed Twilight.
10261971
... Not sure why, but part of me wants this to happen now
10261272
"I am not the Purple's keeper"
Dude, what the fuck.
Ho-leeee shit Twilight. Think we need to get that horn removed until you can control yourself Twiggles. Anon, if I were you, I'd get on a train(or tell Rainbow to get a harness to hook to) and get my ass to Hot Sun and Dark Skies as fast as physics allows. Twi has gone so far off the deep end that existence itself as yet to become a thing.
P.S. Take Spike and Stu with you, they don't deserve that kind of ending.
10260976
Real-life Waypoint powers: you always know where your objective is even if you can't actually see it. It'd be great for assassination jobs, or rescue jobs.
Oh... this feels like a call to Velvet is needed.