Letter 65
Hey Tia,
I’m in the hospital again. It’s pretty comfy here, but it’s boring as hell. My throat is swollen to about the size of a straw, so I made up a little game to entertain myself—try to breathe enough to not die. It’s been a blast so far.
Did you know cashews are in the same family as poison ivy? I didn’t. Did you know eating raw cashews is like putting poison ivy in your mouth? I didn’t. Did you know the inside of your stomach can itch? I didn’t. I’m learning so many fun things recently.
In my defense, cashews are delicious and Twilight didn’t specifically mention poison when she told me not to eat them, so this is partially her fault for not watching me more closely.
Tell Luna I’m sorry we can’t have movie night this week. She seemed really eager to finish the Lord of the Rings trilogy, so she’ll probably be mad at me. I’ll figure out some way to make it up to her for me being dumb.
Love, Anon
P.S. - You don’t need to keep making up excuses to skip movie night. I’m not trying to turn it into a date night with Luna or anything. I just want to hang out with my friends.
P.P.S. - These pain pills are fucking great. I can’t even tell where my teeth are.
pppss. - lol pp
ppsspsp hi
Dear Princess Celestia,
Anon wrote five more “postscripts,” but they were either unreadable or contained drawings of things you don’t send to a Princess, so I hope you don’t mind that I tore them off before sending his letter. He was too loopy to notice.
Spike
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Did Anon poison himself just to have an excuse for avoid Luna making moves on him?
Oh geez... That's not all k. Glad that Spike took matters into his own claws for the postscripts
Sometimes , I wonder who is the most stupid in this story : One is an ultra-horny nerd who is totally crazy and doesn't take her meds while the other is a sarcastic jerk who is dumb enough to poison himself ...
That's exactly why I love those 2 stories.
So instead of the The Return of the King, the sisters get a letter with way too many postscripts?
Eh, same difference.
I have to wonder if that last post script was organized that way for a reason, mayhaps to reference a piece of software...
PS stands for postscript... How did I not know that! Is it just me?
9887902
This is why postscripts of postscripts are abreviated by adding more "p"'s and not more "s"'s.
9887902
It's one of those things people assume everyone else already knows about, so they never really mention it. It can really make you feel stupid when you find out about it.
9887809
why would he want to avoid his btggf(wttdt)?
9884202
9884318
I was referring to a specific chapter. I have this story on my tracking. Downvote train though, I guess.
Oh Anon, do you have any idea if what you've done?
9887842
I wouldn't call him dumb because of this. I didn't know raw cashews were poisonous, so the only thing that would have saved me from the same fate is that I don't usually like nuts outside of spreads like peanut butter.
The last two stories have been really kind of wholesome. Twilight helping the homeless and Anon admitting that he views the princesses as friends.
9888637
that's like me with cheese, I can't stand cheese in any form, except in the form of Jacobs Mini Cheddars, they're cheesy biscuits made in the UK
Movie night for just RotK?
Buncha posers.
Real men watch the entire extended trilogy in one sitting.
Gods watch it all without any bathroom breaks.
9888823
doesn't that take almost the whole day? Pretty sure no bathroom breaks means you have to watch it while sitting on some sort of toilet while watching it or just dehydrating yourself too much
9888964
Texas Catheter... or one of the empty Solo bottles. Just don't drink from the warm ones.
Anon sure is a real softy when he's on his meds.
It's nice to see he does care, in the end.
Cashews are poisonous in Equestria?
9888637
9887842
Raw cashews are not poisonous. The shell can sometimes cause contact dermatitis, so you cannot buy cashews in their shell.
9892137
Not true, strictly speaking, it’s just that the raw cashews you find in stores aren’t really raw.
9887842
I didn't know that cashews when raw are like that, either. So even though I'm not really "dumb" per se, I might have ended up in Anon's shoes as well. Mmm....toxic nuts.
I am rather allergic to cashews. Besides the sudden breathing trouble they give me, the inside of my stomach itches and cramps constantly for about 24 hours if I slow down on the antihistamines.
I do feel anon’s pain here.
So DEEZ NUTZ are toxic mofos. Who'd'a thunk?
9899802
When I was a bit more... sickly, cashews used to give me a lot of trouble, especially raw ones.
Fortunately, now it's just a matter of not eating too many, and knowing that it's a bad idea to eat them raw.
9942737
I never knew. What idiot thought “hey, this is poisonous, let’s cook it and see if that makes it better.” Worse, it worked.
I learned last year that cashews come from a fruit.
This year, I learn they’re dangerous to eat raw.
This obviously requires further research.
9995301
I mean, making raw foodstuffs that might in and of themselves not be all that appealing more palatable (or possibly edible at all) was kind of the whole point of cooking ever since some unrecorded clever folk came up with the idea way back -- long before such newfangled fads as cities and books...