Dear Princess Hot Pocket,
Buckle the fuck up for this one. Trixie has somehow managed to do something even I couldn’t: she achieved full retard.
To preface this, I’ve recently been teaching Trixie teleportation because she wanted to incorporate it into her show. Think about that for a minute. She’s so bad at real magic that she had to resort to stage magic, but she’s so bad at stage magic that she needs to use real magic to make it look like she’s doing fake magic. And we’re not even at half retard yet.
While I was teaching her, she did pretty k. On her first attempt she didn’t go anywhere, but she did disappear for half a second. I wanted her to sit on my face, so I called it a successful teleport. She decided she was now good enough to do it on stage, so she didn’t need any more practice. One “success” and she was ready to do it live. And we’re still nowhere near full retard.
On the big stage, in front of literally tens of people, Bluedini tried to remove her own spleen by stealthily teleporting it out. She actually succeeded. Much to her surprise, she then began hemorrhaging profusely. 90% retard.
Instead of rushing to the hospital where people know how to reattach spleens, she tried teleporting it back into her body. She succeeded again. It went inside one of her lungs. 95% retard.
By this point, someone had already gotten a medic. He ran over to try fixing the unfixable, but Trixie was determined to die. Before he could reach her, she cast the cloning spell on herself, thus achieving full retard.
As expected, the new body was a perfect copy, including all the mortal injuries—still hemorrhaging, spleen still in the lungs, still named Trixie. Also as expected, the old body exploded into a Brazilian pieces, showering the crowd in blood and Trix Mix.
The medic* was a fucking trooper, though. Dude must have been a soldier or something, because he didn’t hesitate for a single second before working his magic to unfuck Trixie 2. And unfuck her he did. She somehow survived, despite dying once already.
Now, there are only three things in this world that get my jibbly bits quivering every single time: traumatizing children, reading, and dangerous misuse of magic. Needless to say, Trixie and I had hot lesbian horse sex for hours afterward. Everyone in a half-mile radius could smell the girlmusk. Anon and Spike will be staying in a hotel room until the library is fumigated.
Your second loosest screw,
Spergles* The medic’s name was Amber Lamps. He was pretty chill, said he’s seen worse before, though I didn’t get a chance to ask him about the “worse.” He dipped out as soon as he was sure Trixie was going to live. If I find him again, I’ll see if I can get him to sit down with me for a drink so we can swap stories.
Love, Anon
C'mon Trixie, you can't just decide to die on stage for no good reason, there's zoning laws about this kind of thing.
Huh, a variation on S7 Ep2, except with Twilight teaching Trixie instead of Starlight.
I'm loving it.
I want to see what level lies beyond full retard
9909671
Ultra Retard
Dear lord, that has to hurt a ton. Also, this Twilight’s dumber than fanon Dash.
9909673
such power...
Soooo Trixie's gonna get on some medication too, right?.. Right?
Also, what a weird turn of events. She died and then Twilight decided to have sex with her. Does that make Twilight a Necrophiliac.
9909683
Trixie doesn't have nearly as much clinical issues as Twilight, she's only impulsive and has quite an ego, like a certain rainbow manned we know
Edit: that medic's a goddamn hero
9909683
No because for all intents and purposes Twiggls is literally DOUBLE DEAD. so technically Trix is the Necrophiliac
9909754
So is she a necrophiliac because Teilight died first or because Twilight died twice? If they're both undead wouldn't they both be Necrophiles?
9909642
W0t
I haven’t seen past season 6
Great and Powerful Trixie's great and powerful performances are always unforgettable!
And, of course, this picture is obligate here:
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/330/736/96f.png
9909814
Then you should really catch up, considering the show's over.
9909768
Wouldn't it be like zombies fucking each other if they are both dead but still alive (undead then) ?
The 'cloning' spell doesn't actually clone then. It's more of a duplication spell. If it was cloning, Trixie cloning herself a new body would have worked.
Should I even ask what's the first one?
fk i love this
9909847
Trixie, obviously.
9909903
Idk it could be that donkey knight. Being a retard doesn't necessarily mean having a screw loose
I love this story way too much.
I...
Nope. I'm sleeping on this one. HRH Hottest Pocket will be responding no sooner than tomorrow.
In the meantime, you should be picturing Celestia staring off into distance after reading this letter, questioning so many things.
Trix mix, eh? Would that also be a snack on the order of Nabisco Tits?
Man i love you (no homo)
9910030
That’s gay du-
O nvm
This had me pissing myself laughing the moment I read full retard.
It really is a sad moment in human history where a very large number of people *cough*SJWs*cough* are trying their level best to go full retard.
9909673
9909679
My god, she has too much power! Someone needs to save this mare from herself!
Man... she's not going to be invited to perform at anymore foal's birthday parties, is she?
9910156
Au contraire, the kids ALL want to see the "exploding clown" technique!
You are so good at writing this Anon, that I legitimately forgot for a second who was talking and thought Anon was talking about himself, not Twience-Fiction.
I mean, I can imagine Anon getting his bangly dangly solid over traumatizing children, but that is relevant.
I not-humbly demand an Amber Lamps side story.
Trixie might not be purple on the outside, but she is purple on the inside.
This is, in my opinion, the best chapter hands down in this series so far. Keep up the good work 2Merr.
9909671 Senator
WHOA Black Betty!
Amber Lamp!
WHOA Black Betty!
Amber Lamp!
9910576
And if you are too stupid to be a senator, you can still be president.
9910910
No politics, please. I’d prefer to nip this in the bud before it starts a shitshow in the comments.
"A Brazilian pieces."
This woman makes even the most nightmarish events into a sex thing. Good god.
WOW!!
The therapy all those ponies in the audience are going to need. Especially the foals. Who could they sue?
Damnit, the horse dykes can clone themself. Anon make sure you aim fot the head.
9910576
*Congressman
FIFY
This is an underrated comment though. 10/10 would repost
9910576
"One useless man is a shame, Two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress".
-John Adams (I think)
P.S. This isn't politics, it was just a funny quote that was related to the comment. Sorry, 2Merr.
2Merr i hope you're happy with yourself because not only have my sides escaped the solar system but i am also typing this as a shambling undead zombie. getting my sides back may very well be impossible and without them i doubt i'll be able to fully re-alive myself after being unalived by this chapter.
Now I must have fanfiction of Amber Lamps! We must regale in his harrowing, mind breaking adventures!
I can't with this story, my face hurts from laughing.
The fuck?
9909732
9909683
9909768
A necrophile named Ned Shultz,
Would often scream and exult:
"'Tis legal," he said,
"To make love to the dead,
When performed with consenting adults."
she achieved full retard
I created an account just to sue you for absolutely wreck my sides