Dear Princess Sunbutt

by 2Merr

Letter 61

Dear Princess Saintlestia,

Today I didn’t learn not to trust demons, even ones summoned by a friend.

Anon and Ponker Po were doing their normal routine—watching Randy cry and eat ice cream—when Pink Ponk suddenly started shaking and speaking in tongues. Anon, that brave, handsome man, shouted a manly call for assistance, but Party Pop assured him all was k. She said she was talking to her new friends, Scribbles the Skinless and Dave from Accounting, who she had summoned earlier to help bake a special kind of strudel.

Shortly after this, I teleported in with Spike, having heard Anon’s manly voice all the way from the library (he has very powerful and handsome lungs). The demons began speaking to us using Ponki’s mane and tail as mouthpieces. Scribbles introduced himself as an “ambassador to the mortals” while Dave just screamed really loud. I trusted both of them immediately because I wanted to prove I wasn’t racist.

Anon sent Spike away to get stuff, then we followed Pank around, talking to the demons about various things. At one point, Scribbles asked for advice on his plan to overthrow the lower realms. You’d think that would give most people pause, but I am not most people. I am the rarest and most dangerous combination of dumb and purple this universe has ever seen.

Before I could finish detailing the flaws in his plan, Spike returned with a bunch of salt shakers, which he and Anon started emptying onto Ponkers. She laughed because “it tickled” and the demons fled her body, fading back into the aether. Anon then sat me down and explained to me how not to be dumb, but I wasn’t listening because I was too busy moping about not getting to finish my lecture on realm-conquering.

If the demons ever try to wage war on us, I will most likely be a hindrance, if not an outright traitor.

Your angle or yuor devil,
Starscream

Comments

[FrostTheWolf]

Jeez... that escalated quickly.

Looks like 'all was k' in the end though, so that's something

Your angle or yuor devil,
Starscream

Pfft. What's next? Celestiatron?

[FTKnight]

that sounds entirely way to in character for twilight...

[A Drunk Soviet]

I died at "Dave from accounting"

[Faylon]

My very powerful and handsome lungs hurts from laughing so hard.

This was extraordinary.

[TheDino27]

Starscream

Referring to Star-butt has "Starscream" made me laugh WAY more than it should have.

[2Merr]

9883423
Many others died, too. He is ruthless.

[ANW]

Your angle or yuor demon

Almost made it.

[2Merr]

9883495
It’s an old meme
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-can-be-your-angle-or-yuor-devil

Angel is also misspelled as angle

[Raistlin]

To think Nightmare Moon could have been averted may Anon had been there with a salt shaker.

[ANW]

9883520
I usually don't pay attention to memes.

[FanOfMostEverything]

The sad thing is that Scribbles actually would've brought about a golden age in the Abyss. And would have been contractually bound to give Twilight a layer of it for her personal use.

[Eroraf86]

9883542
Hopefully the layer with the infinite library.

[Arkonfleight]

9883542
One infinite layer? But where will the secondary collections go?

[yellowbastion]

9883757
The infinite library 9883549 is referring to is probably this one, which is multi-dimentional:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/388353/best-hell-ever
and the sequel is pretty good, too
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/435360/heaven-of-a-hell

[Venerable Ro]

Honestly, I'd have rather had Starscream in this situation. At least Starscream is self-serving enough to recognize a bad deal when he sees it...

[FanficReader920]

Somebody has been watching DWK. Been awhile since I heard "Ponker Po."

[p0nypanda]

Can confirm, accountants are in fact demons. Source, am an accounting student, currently learning how to enter hell itself.

[WorldWalker128]

9883526
Nightmare would have fled her host, and Woona would have been scarfing the rest down and getting picked up drunk by her sister.

[HB_DS2013]

Dumb and purple ain’t something to be proud about, especially since Twiggles is a special brand of lethal stupid with a stupid amount of access to OP spells. Meh, Discord’s prolly enjoying this anyway.

[Honey Lavender]

You fail me yet again, Starscream

[vinyldash23]

What about Jake from State Farm?

[Bronzer]

Starscream

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. And totally implies nothing at all...she screams at stars. Yeah.

[Shadow Star]

Dave is from HR
Bill is the one from Accounting.

[Alicon Glactistar]

Loving the Transformers references.

[Wild Stallion]

9883455

Anon, that brave, handsome man, shouted a manly call for assistance, but Party Pop assured him all was k.

Shortly after this, I teleported in with Spike, having heard Anon’s manly voice all the way from the library (he has very powerful and handsome lungs).

Anon you are a man, so any call you made for assistance would undoubtedly be manly. That doesn't make the screaming any less shrill.

Anon and Ponker Po were doing their normal routine—watching Randy cry and eat ice cream

Poor Rare-Bear. Darn it! What did you two do Anon?! Do not treat poorly the Foster Mom of the Snuggle Bomb! She might not let you come back.

9883455
Let's pause for a moment to remember the victims of Dave from Accounting, from crimes both financial and hysterical.

9948369
Let's be thankful she went with Dave instead of Bill. I doubt much of reality would survive if Twiggles and Cipher were co-conspirators. There's a reason why the show never showed early seasons Twilight and Discord teaming up, or getting along in general. It would've been bad for the overall health of the universe. (That and a staggering lack of imagination from the development team.)

[creativeusername34]

9917085
what are you wearing, dave from accounting?

[Someguy458]

11002938
Uhhh.... Sweatpants?