Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Read It and Weep
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am now pretty convinced that Rarity is out to get me. Ever since I didn't stop the carriage in Dodge Junction to pick her up. I mean, she could have ducked when Pinkie took a backwards jump off of Applejack's stage coach. So totally not my fault. I knew that drink she bought me before my routine demonstration tasted funny. Although, I suppose it could've been a lot worse. She could have given me a drugged cupcake and fileted me piece by piece all for the intention of baking my internal organs into desserts.
So when I crashed I woke up in the hospital. I can't believe AJ said the chow is hoof-lickin' good. Yeah, as in I'd rather eat my own feet than the garbage they wheel around on those trays. So to help me with going out of my mind, Twilight gets me a book. A BOOK. Everyone knows words and numbers are strictly forbidden.
Anyway, as I slowly went insane with boredom, I tried to explain to my completely disabled roommate why I watch a cartoon for little fillies; basically to get to the other side of the street...because, you know, then we could be on the other side of the street together...because that make sense, right? Yeah, then I told him how I made a Sonic Rainboom and caused mass puberty.
But that didn't cure my boredom for long, so I began reading this book Twilight brought me. Didn't get too far before Fluttershy and her came in with a board game. Instead of admitting I was reading and apologizing to Twilight for the egghead comment, I kept the charade of being tired and kept visits short. As I was purposefully losing, I had an out-of-body experience, where I was part of the most ingenious product placement of all time. My Little Pony playing Battleship while recovering from Operation.
So I unknowingly read all through the night, so the next morning they pushed a sleep-deprived crash victim out to the curb. With how fast they rushed me out of the hospital, you'd think Equestria has universal healthcare. Upon realizing that I had left the book in the room, I decided once again to forgo apologizing to Twilight, and instead attempt breaking and entering. It turns out they only thought I was stealing slippers, and that is like the hospital's most precious resource with how they gave chase.
Finally admitting to Twilight that I had enjoyed reading, I got the entire collection from her and went back up home. Score!
Your slightly better educated weather pony,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Princess Celestia,
Holy crap, you're not gonna believe this. I actually managed to get Rainbow hooked on a book series for first graders! I didn't even know she could read! Once I can get her reading level up high enough, I can introduce her to a book called The Kama Sutra.
But yeah, I wouldn't want to be her when the hospital bill comes. I mean, with how many dangerous tricks she's attempted, I bet she can't even get insurance.
Your perfectly healthy former student,
Twilight Sparkle
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RAINBOW HAS FEET?!?!??!!
Also, LMAO at "Book for First-graders"
"With how fast they rushed me out of the hospital, you'd think Equestria has universal healthcare"
Heehee
"Once I can get her reading level up high enough, I can introduce her to a book called The Kama Sutra."
Oh boy...
Yep, sounds about right on all counts...
HAH!
1697839
Not exactly a surprise when you think about what we actually saw when she's reading. It probably is actually a book for little foals in-universe.
Rainbow Dash, reading first-grade books? That's better than me! I could barely get through Oh, The Places You'll Go!
Always knew RD was barely literate. Damn jock.
Seems legit. Wait.... I magically actually got to a story update on anything LESS THAN A DAY after it updated? That never happens to me... ever. I AM SO HAPPY!!! <--The equivalent of a first comment for me.
Subtelty is lost here
only references
because cupcakes?
is that a Friendship is Witchcraft reference?
Shattering the fourth wall
no Scootaloo joke around here
I need S133P
HELP! MY BUM IS NUMB!
i thought you would do something like dash saying twi put a want it need it spell on the book or twi trying to use a bit of role-playing to get laid
To me, the best line in this chapter was:
It's true, too. She's playing battleship in one of the visits.
Insurance rates for Ponyville must be outragous to begin with...
1697869
I seem to some how find that offensive.
The Adventures of Daring Do did sort of remind me of Frank Peretti's Cooper Kids series.
Is that a reference to "Bronies React to Teens React to MLP" I see?
1697887 first time it's happened to me as well. I'm 70 chapters behind in one series...
You always manage to throw in at least one line that absolutely makes my day. Since there is no hat-tipping emote, I shall simply have to give you a mustache.
i.imgur.com/UmpOi.gif
That is all.
1697918
Clearly true, so I wrote that story. The rate is too darn high!
1697842
Loved that healthcare comment.
1698036 I think you're the first one to point out that reference. Congrats.
1698024
O_o
...
Is this what it's like to be high?
Loool. Hilarious as always. I particularly liked the idea of Rarity getting revenge .
1697966
You too?
I'm over 40 chapters behind on over 10 fics and over 70 behind on 3-4 more. I tend to read them longfics.
1697966
People complaining that they have too much to read? Really?
How I wish I could have your problems...
He shoots he scores.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbg83buzVQ1qdlh1io1_500.gif
1698117
Eenope, its generally more terrifying- I was once convinced a lorry driver was a demon and I tried to fight him. True story
1698265
...
You are beyond weird. And for me to say that, it means something.
1698287
I'll take that as a compliment, good sir *tips hat*
Ha! I knew Rarity was somehow responsible for Rainbow Dash's injury!
1698303
I say, how about we pop down to the ol' tavern for a mug of ale, dear chap?
1698406
5 in the morning where I am... Oh well ol' boy, never too early/ late for a good old tipple! Onward to the tavern!
1697861
Where's the like button on this thing?
1697962 First I was like "'cross the street' what the heck is that supposed to mean?" It only made sense after I read your comment. Then I lol'd.
1697905 Or she could just use the "want it, need it" spell on herself. That reminds me, what ever happened to the "fail-safe" spell?
I love this
1698840 No.
ha.
Man twilight needs to get laid.. pretty sure she would be much better after that.
Great stuff as always, and I like how wrong Twilight is about Rainbow. Just because she does not do academic stuff does not mean she is not smart, and if you pay attention she really is a whole lot smarter than she lets on.
1698234 It is less having too much to read and more not having enough time to read it due to other commitments like school or working two jobs.
1698936
Fair enough. Personally, I'm almost always caught up and sitting on eggshells waiting, but that's mostly due to impatience.
I have predicted this stuff with book about camasutra! Bow before me!
As far as insurance is concerned, being Rainbow Dash is a pre-existing condition.
1697966 I'm currently sitting here with 454 unread chapters in my inbox. That said I have a tendency to read long fics.
1698265
That must've been some good sh*t.
You know, that was still one of the nicest things Twilight has ever done.
1698241
HOLY CRAP THAT'S AWESOME
Awesome line.
I was half-expecting "Rainbow Dash can read?"
1698546
Demand was outstripping supply, so another supplier showed up. Applejack used force (the lasso thing) to keep a potential competitor out of the market, which would have been good for the community but bad for the Family (pun very much intended). The Apples insisted on an all or nothing solution.
As for goading, it is the Apples damn fault for letting a child conduct their business negotiations.
"I can introduce her to a book called The Kama Sutra."
Girl still despaired to lose her virginity, huh?
1698241 That is badass.