Interlude Part 1: One Night in GTMO
"AHHHH!!" Gust yelped as he was splashed by a bucket of cold water. "Cheesy crust! What the hell is wrong with you people?!?!" Another bucket of water hit him in the face. "GAAAHH! QUIT IT!!" He blinked his eyes, struggling to clear the water from his vision so he could see. There was only a single light coming from a bulb above him. His claws were tied behind his back by a rope, another rope tying him to the chair and a third rope tying his lower talons to the chair's legs. He struggled against the ropes, wiggling the chair and that's when he realized the chair had been crudely nailed to the floor. "What is this?! Where am I?" Voices whispered around him in the darkness.
A wooden board jabbed him in the side. "Ow!" he yelled, despite the fact it didn't really hurt. "What the buck, man? What is this crap?"
"This is an interrogation," Dan's voice said, though it had an odd reverberation. "Answer our questions, cooperate and this will be over quickly."
Another bucket of water hit him in the face. "AHHG, BLAH!" Gust yelled. "OW OW OW!" He was jabbed three more times by the board. "What is wrong with you people?!"
"Dan, do we really have to keep doing this?" Phoenix asked.
"Yes, Nicky, that's how it works," Dan said, his voice still containing an odd, reverberating drone.
"This is NOT how water boarding works!" Phoenix yelled. (Not that I've ever done it before! Franziska or one of the Paynes maybe but not me!)
Dan stepped into the light holding a cardboard tube in one hand and a wooden board in the other. He continued to speak into the tube. "How is this not water boarding? We got water, we got a board, we got your mega-tuba thingy."
"Yeah, man," Gust said, dripping. "This ain't how ya water board someone. And honestly, I'm one-eigth-and-a-half duck on my dad's side so my feathers- OW!" Dan jabbed him again. "STOPPIT!"
"Magatama," Phoenix corrected. "And we haven't even asked him anything yet. We shouldn't resort to torture."
"Fine," Dan said. He clapped his hands twice and the rest of the lights in the kitchen turned on. "But if this stool pigeon doesn't snitch, he's gettin' stitches."
"Broseph, son of Abroham, cousin to Abroheim and my aunt Brosephine, I'm your songbird," Gust said, grinning. "You want me to sing, let me get out a few bars before you claim I'm outta tune, why don't ya?"
Dan grumped. The human spun a kitchen chair around and sat in it backwards. "Alright, start singin'. Was it Vice Grip or Blueblood that hired you?"
"Woah woah woah," Gust said. "Let's establish some ground rules, shall we? You want info, I'd like to avoid any physical altercations. Maybe we could work this into a little business arrangement, who knows?"
The human in front of him was not amused. "You give us the dirt on Vice Grip and the technazi pony brigade and maybe you don't wind up in a pot pie."
Gust gulped.
"What my friend means," Phoenix said, "is that if you help us, we will help you. For the moment, you are a prisoner and the rest of the griffons are being used as a temporary weather service with your ship, All of My Yes, serving as a makeshift Cloudsdale. If you cooperate like they have, you will be granted your freedom. Twilight will allow you to leave once Ponyville is rebuilt with your remaining vessels, minus the weapons and munitions."
The griffon smirked. "You guys are pretty clever. Who negotiated while I was out?"
"Captain Clutch Clasp has taken command of your fleet in your absence," Phoenix replied.
"HA!" Gust laughed out loud. "My own nestmate takes the initiative. Alright then, I suppose I'll cooperate."
"Thank you," Phoenix said, relieved.
"No BS," Dan said, pointing at him. "Now, who hired you- Vice Grip or Blueblood?"
"Both," Gust said smiling. "Vicey paid me upfront."
"Explain."
"Ah, that part's easy. Back in the Crystal Empire, your buddy Vice paid me and two other commanders to raid Equestria. He gave us a lot of cash right off the bat, a few of his Magic Gear thingies and then promised us parts of Equestria when he was done with it. Me and my fleet were to raid Appleloosa while Zen Zeal and his zebras hit Saddle Arabia and the sea ponies under Sonar Scope hit Donquestria in the south," Gust explained. "Buuuuut… before we can do any real damage to Appleloosa or the Buffalo League, Bloomers calls us up and says he has a proposition. He hires us to be the bad guys in his little charade so he can be hero. I figured it would be a great excuse to conquer Equestria myself so, I decided to be the first to raid Ponyville," he said, smirking. "Guess we know how well that worked out."
"Wait," Phoenix held up a hand, "There are two other armies out there?"
"Sea ponies?" Dan asked. "There are sea ponies, too?"
"Hahaha, of course there are!" Gust declared ecstatically. "Sea ponies control the oceans of Equestria, have for centuries. You guys thought they were just legend but we've been fighting them for years. The ships in my fleet were designed to sail on water, too, in case we needed to take the fight to them. They're pretty reclusive, though. But they're the most technologically advanced nation on the planet. The only reason they stuck their necks out was to get part of Equestria, the place they nearly conquered hundreds of years ago."
"Great," Dan said, huffing. "Now we have to deal with sea ponies. Wonderful."
"Ehh, maybe not," Gust said. "Sea ponies go with the flow. Something about the changing tides. If you hit Vice Grip hard enough, maybe they'll switch sides like me."
"We're still debating whether or not to let you play on our side," Dan shot back. "What about the zebras?"
"Ah, them," Gust shifted. "To be honest, I don't envy you going up against them. Or anybody, really."
"Why's that?"
Gust leaned forward. "Because Zen Zeal- he's invincible. The zebras have even lower technology than you guys do. They have no ships, no planes, no electricity or internet, nothing. They don't even use guns or missiles or heavy ordinance, not even vehicles. Despite this, Zen Zeal and his zebra army have been in over a thousand battles against every nation except Equestria. Even the more advanced nations, ones with heavier firepower. And they've never lost."
"So how does he win?" Phoenix asked. "Overwhelming numbers? Tactics? Magic?"
Gust shrugged. "That's the question Equestria's been wanting to know for a long time. They call Zen Zeal the "unstoppable general." He leads his troops from the front with nothing but wooden spears and shields. Somehow though, they've never been defeated, never even pushed back. I only met the guy in person like twice and he's serus bidness. I wanted loot, the sea ponies want land but what Zeal really wants is a war." He leaned in, his voice becoming almost a whisper. "There's a rumor that he's got some kinda secret, the kind that would ruin him if it got out."
"What kind of secret?" Phoenix asked.
The griffon shrugged again. "It's only rumors, matey. Never paid much attention to those cuz hearsay ain't worth much. I never fought Zenny myself- always kept the fleet clear of the zebs even when they hit Griffonstone. But the goats under Vex Ibex fought them a lot. After their last war, Vex had to cede half the goats' territory to the zebras. So naturally, me being pirate, heard about the goats' suffering and decided to 'relieve' them of some of their wealth while they were recovering," he chuckled. "They didn't have much. But we did start hearing about Zeal."
"What did you hear?" Dan asked. "I don't care of it's rumors, just spill it."
"Keep your pants on, primate. So, a weird detail was that, when General Zeal was done mopping up the goats, he didn't head back home. Huge victory, made him a big war hero but he turns his army south and starts pushing towards into new territory. Didn't even get time to celebrate, just left in a hurry," Gust said. He leaned into whisper again. His smile was gone. "Vex told me Zeal is cursed. He can't cross the border into his own country. So like, when the territory he conquered became part of the Zebra Kingdom, he had to haul ass and fast. He'll bring ruin to his own people if he stays too long. His army loses its black-and-white stripes, becomes gray and then destroys everything. Crazy."
"That's… almost tragic," Phoenix said. "The conquerer can't return home or else he'll conquer his own people. Caesar-like, in a way. But if Zen crosses his Rubicon, he'll be bringing a dark age to his own people." The lawyer rubbed his chin. "Perhaps he brings war to other lands to save his own. Like Robert E. Lee, he cannot raise the sword against his homeland. Yet if he keeps expanding his own territory, he will run out of lands to conquer. He truly is the Unstoppable General, if that is indeed the case. He can't even stop himself."
Dan scratched his own chin. "So, why doesn't he just go somewhere else and not try to conquer it?" Both Phoenix and Gust slowly turned to the shorter human. "He could take a vacation or something. Stop being a general for a while, maybe even go home that way."
"Haha, yeah because that's exactly what every country wants- a foreign army in their backyard," Gust said, laughing. "Your lawyer's theory seems to fit; even if Zen gave up his title, everybody would still see him as a general. The guy's a living legend but it's a legend he's shackled to. He literally couldn't stop if he tried."
"Wow," Dan said. "Talk about being married to your work." *Cue retro laugh track*
"Aye. Supposedly, he's got other secrets, too. Like he wasn't always like this," Gust continued. "While ago, I heard he actually had his sights set on attacking Equestria but something stopped him around the same time the Crystal Empire reappeared. He was already to go, too but then made a beeline for neutral ground, all trey-spooky like."
"What else happened in Equestria around that time?" Phoenix asked.
"Well, I showed up," Dan beamed. "He probably got word there was a new sheriff in town and decided to hightail it outta here. Heheh, Sherriff Dan cleans up town."
Gust rolled his eyes. "Okay Barney Fife. Just remember that when Zen Zeal's knocking at your door."
They both turned to him. "He's coming here?!"
The griffon nodded. "Sure is. After he hit Saddle Arabia, he would push south-west into Equestria and link up with my fleet. With the sea ponies pushing up from the south, we would all steamroll you guys."
Phoenix looked down, thinking. "Celestia and Luna took the royal guard to Saddle Arabia. We haven't heard from them or Applejack, Rarity or any of our other friends since."
"Ehhhh… yeah…" Gust looked away. "About that…"
They both looked at him again, staring daggers at him. "Talk."
"Well, uh, first, you have to remember zebras and ponies have pretty much been on the verge of war for like, years. But me, I don't have anything against you guys… specifically. I mean, I like you guys now," he smiled, one of his teeth in particular sparkling.
"What'd you do?" Dan asked.
The griffon took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I, uh, may have captured most of your friends. And uh, I gave 'em to Vice. Pretty much gift-wrapped and everything. The Mane Six as we call 'em, minus Twilight rushed out to help Appleloosa and the buffalo after you guys went to the Crystal Empire. Celestia sacrificed herself and her big blimp to blow up Oasis City, the Saddle Arabian capital, with the zebras still in it. Tried to force them out by eliminating the water supply. At the same time, the moon one… uh… what was her name again?"
"Luna."
"Yeah, her. She lead a refugee convoy and tried to get to the Crystal Empire. Theyyyy… kinda ran into us," Gust smiled innocently. "And seriously, how am I gonna pass up a fleet of refugees? Flying a bunch of converted blimps, no real airships, completely defenseless. They were practically asking for it! And I'm a pirate! I can't pass up a target like that, handed to me on a silver platter! My crew would've mutinied! So I captured them all lock, stock, flock and barrel. Luna tried to put up a defense but hey, even she can't protect that many helpless and panicked folks. And she'd just err… lost her sister, so to speak so she was kinda stressed out."
Dan's hands were balled into fists. The chair he was sitting on had begun making noise halfway through the pirate's explanation of how he attacked a group of unarmed civilians. Phoenix's own hands had also balled into fists, arms rigid at his side.
Not knowing how close he was to being murdered, the griffon nervously continued. "The Mane Six were easier to trap once I had Luna. Hostages, that kind of leverage makes people that much more predictable. After I delivered them to Vice's base, I got the call from the newly-self-crowned 'Princess Blueblood'. And, well, you know the rest."
The board lightly tapped him on the side of the head. Dan held it there for a few moments, then tapped him again. "Can we water board him for real now?"
The lawyer had had enough. "You're going to tell us where they are." Phoenix grabbed the chair and raised it into the air, along with his captor. "You're going to tell us where they are right now!"
"AAAAHHH!" Gust screamed, helpless. "Please don't kill me! I love Law and Order!"
Phoenix's teeth were gritted. "The concepts or the t.v show?!"
"Um! Um! B-both! My cousin and I DVR it every afternoon! We watch it on weekends!"
"Wrong answer. Dan, get the ice."
"Why ice?" the shorter human asked. "We're not going to snow board him now, are we?"
"No," Phoenix answered. "We're going to make him give up our friends… cold turkey."
"Ha."
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7258466 You hate Springer that much? You may hate her even more. She's evil Discount Dashie… and this is coming from the guy that came up with her.
*facepalms at Phoenix's pun, groaning*
Hey, he said he only captured them, didn't attack or hurt any of them!
This is getting to the point where Im considering looking up my old notes on seismic arrays, crossed with my chaos communication research. Which a few years after I found it, discovered as expected others had been looking into it, and Clive Cussler wrote a book based on the idea of a Seismic Laser.
Bucket of water to the face? Thats just like being roped to the wheel during a hurricane. Its not like they nailed you to the mast or gave you to Mistress Donna.
Hehehehee, this is glorious work well done!
Hahaha, I wonder how Dashie is doing?
I miss her! //sobs//
Good show!
Are you implying that Celestia is dead?
Wow, just wowdred (wow times a hundred)!
This was short, had no violence (only the threat of it) and was mostly dialogue but I loved it! Gust really doesn't know when to shut up hehe!
But that General's backstory, it's cool but also kinda sad too. He has to keep conquering or his own people will be conquered? I can't decide if it's true and he cares about his people that much or he just made it up so he can keep conquering. Ooh an idea: all the free nations, Equestria included surrender to the Zebras temporarily and once Zeal is gone move on to the next boss! Any takers?
you have any better ideas Princess then let's hear it!
Aww I wanted to see Dan and Phoenix snow board this guy! Maybe next chapter please? Also
7278138 Thank you, you are free to add to it if you wish
Pretty much, any fan ideas I consider canon in this story. If you truly love this story and want something to be a part of it, it's already there.
7281630 have you seen the creators story of dan vs pinkie? lol
7288710 No, I haven't. Why do you ask?
7289367 just curious. cause its lengthy and pretty full of shenanigans lol http://www.fimfiction.net/story/131002/the-wheel-and-the-butterfly-a-dan-x-pinkie-pie-saga
7289545 It looks great but I'm not much into romance. My story's more about action with the romance being a subplot. I would read more but I'm too focused on my own stories. Seriously, I have 13 episodes still to go in this season alone. And we have 3 seasons planned, a movie and the prequel season. We're going to have a vote eventually to decide which one comes next when this is over. And trust me, the finale is going to be… amazing.
7289818 lol looking forward to it. if you ever get time later to read it, there is mostly comedy with a bit of action. romance yes... but other things. good luck on the series
7289914 Much o's Garcias, seen your
7281630 "any fan ideas considered cannon"
Dangerous words with someone like me creepering around the shadows... Hmmm....
~Dollars
Awesome fun chapter, your dedication to this thing makes me want to get back to it myself.
7290787 Get back to what? This story or your own writing?
7290800 both actually, haven't hardly written in a year, and lost track of yours nearly a dozen chapters ago and just caught up over the last few days.
~Dollars.
7290867 Well, I'm partly to blame for that. Still need to condense it so it's easier to read. Next chapter's almost done, too.
7290877 Condense? Nonsense!!! No such thing as to much complexity. Bring on all the things!
~Dollars.
7291315 No no no, by condense, I mean putting all the chapters into each episode. Organizing it, making it look uniform and neat and easiER to read. But I am happy to hear you say all the things. Because this story is getting most of them and Vice Grip just got the green light to start his own spinoff: Miami Vice Grip.
7292657 oh gawed... you really don't want me to keep up do you?
Meh, I'll find the time to watch it.
See what I did there? Watch it, because it's written like you're watching a TV show.
Stop giving me that look, I tried.
After thinking about that condensed thing it was actually kinda obvious what you meant, yeah having them all put back into full episodes would be a nice way to tidy up.
~Dollars.
7292982 You'll be fine. Vice won't get a spinoff for a while and it will be focused mostly on comedy. And it's about the main villain of this story so it's going to be really random and goofy. Set in 1980s Miami :D
7293084 Sweet! I look forward to it!
~Dollars
Unstoppable general Zael...I'm going to guess that he cannot be killed by conventional means because of his curse protecting him. If someone were to detonate an explosive powerful enough to instantly atomize him, then the curse would be useless. ...Which would probably have to be point-blank nuclear bomb-level of power for that to work...so, Magic Gear Sword Spell, then. Well, unless Dan can figure out how to build a nuke, and if the curse nullifies magic, then Dan might have to learn fast.