• Published 12th Aug 2013
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Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) - Barrobroadcaster



The story of a man named Dan and all his friends in Equestria.

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Mirror Darkly: Shimmerlands

A few minutes later, Waylon turned back on the radio and tuned in to a country music station. Dan listened to his MP3 player while Vice tried to find some solitude just sitting in the cockpit. His mind kept going back to all the patients yet to be helped. He didn't know for sure if Lightning had evacuated the staff yet; he couldn't imagine he'd had enough time with so many ponies and humans in critical condition. His heart kept telling him he should be there. He could only keep reminding himself he was doing this for them, for all of them and that he'd be back to see them soon. Very soon.

After an hour of flying, they were finally at the edge of Imperial territory. "We're comin' up on the border now," Waylon announced. "Get ready with the comms, Dan. Let 'em know we're carrying a VIP."

"They'll probably need to hear my voice for confirmation," Vice said.

Dan looked over his shoulder at Vice while putting on his headset. "If they want to hear from you, I'll let you know."

Vice sat back down, folding his arms. Maybe the humans would trust him when the zebras were about to shoot them down.

Dan's expression changed from quizzical frown to concern as he adjusted the comms, listening on the headphones. "Something's wrong."

"What?"

Vice sighed. "Don't tell me. We won the Billy Joel tickets, didn't we?"

"No, something else," Dan said, not bothering to acknowledge the joke. "I'm not picking up any radio frequencies."

Waylon looked over to him. "You check the high and low bands?"

"I've checked everything," Dan said, worry in his voice. "There's not even a broadcast from the emergency channels."

"Maybe they switched to digital," Vice suggested, though he was now getting concerned, too.

"That wouldn't make a difference," Dan said. "We'd be able to pick it up either way. It's like all the broadcast channels just… disappeared."

"Well, we're about to exit the neutral zone. Once we cross the border to the Zebra Republic we can… we…" his voice trailed off. "What in the name of Rubinelle?"

Vice could see it through the viewport from where he was sitting but he had to stand anyway. Dan stood as well, his headset hitting the floor as he got up. All three of them stared, mouths agape at the sight of the Zebra Republic before them.

Or, rather, the sight of what it had become. The green of the jungles beneath them stopped right at the border of the Zebra Republic. What stretched on after that was a sea of glittering, silvery sand. It was like an endless ocean of crystal shards blanketing every direction. Very quickly, they lost their bearings just as easily as if they were heading out to sea.

"What happened?" Dan asked.

"The Zebra Republic… it's gone," Vice answered. The doctor was the only one of them to actually have visited the Zebra Republic before but most ponies and humans had at least seen pictures. The zebras were peaceful, pacifist and very industrious. Their cities were massive jungle plateaus that were built on the canopies of trees. Zebropolis, the capital, had been built on the largest of these plateaus with several trees around it that functioned as skyscrapers and shade for the city below.

But now it was all gone. In place of the green Long Grass Highways was just a desert of crystalline bits. They shimmered like gemstones as the light hit them creating waves of rainbows that rolled across the ground. Pools of aurora stretched up like a strange crystal smoke and rose into the sky. Even the clouds above shown hues of the strange crystals below.

"Where are the cities? The towns?" Dan asked.

"They're all gone," Vice said.

"Are we sure this is the Republic?"

Waylon checked his instruments. "Coordinates are correct, there's just… no Zebra Republic. Not even a meteor strike coulda done somethin' like this."

Vice's and Dan's eyes both went wide at the same time. "The weapon!"

"The Magic Gear… it must've done this," Vice said.

"No… that's not possible," Dan said, shaking his head. "You said it could take out an entire city but this is the whole continent. There's not even ashes!"

"No smoke, no fire, no nothing," Vice said. "No survivors."

"Wait," Waylon said, leaning forward. "I think I see something. A flare."

A thin trickle of blue smoke, unlike the auroras around them was rising up from an indentation in the glitter. The Flutterbird flew closer and as it came into view, they realized it was three other Flutterbirds in a small triangle formation on the ground.

"Signal them. Signal them," Vice said, fear almost choking him up. If there was any chance of survivors, they would probably be hurt.

Dan held the headset up to his ear. "They're telling us to land. Might as well; maybe they know what happened."

Their own Flutterbird flew down to the formation of the others, its wings blowing away a lot of the crystal bits below them. Several ponies were surrounding the choppers, carrying equipment that looked like metal detectors. The landing gear sank into the shards but didn't get too deep, allowing them to take off again if they needed to. Vice got out of the hatchway first, followed by Dan.

"We're too late, doctor," Lightning Claw said as the two approached. "It's not your fault," the alicorn said, picking up a hooful of shards and letting them pour to the ground. "We never anticipated anything like this."

Dan eyed several of the Enclave ponies milling about. He waved at a spring-green one. "Good to see you again, captain."

The green pony, a mare, just glared back at him but said nothing. All around them, they took samples of the shards and swept with their detectors, searching for anything that might be left.

"So the weapon did do this?" Vice asked. "Your Magic Gear?"

"Not mine," Lightning said, still looking at the shards. "Yours."

Vice took a step back. "Come again?"

"I'm sorry for deceiving you, doctor but the Conductor was afraid you might be reluctant if you knew the truth. The Magic Gear is, well, an invention created by you. Or, rather, a different version of you from an alternate dimension."

Vice's mouth hung open. He felt like he had been shot. All around him, the shards were beginning to make him feel dizzy. He wanted to throw up.

"ANOTHER Vice Grip?" Dan asked. "You mean there's actually a universe where this guy actually does something useful?"

Lightning just smiled at the man. "As do you, Dan. As do you."

Vice was still too stunned to speak. Part of him couldn't help but feel responsible for this, even if it had only been an alternate version of him. "An alternate version of me did this… but… why?"

"I can't tell you much," Lightning said, patting the doctor's foreleg. "Suffice to say, the concerns of our own universe must take precedence."

"You!" Vice shook off Lightning's hoof. "You summoned it here! You… you and the Conductor, the Resistance, you're responsible for all of this!"

"Calm down, doctor."

"No! You wanted me to be involved and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED?! Did anything, did anyone even survive?!"

"Doctor, please," Lightning grabbed him again. "It's more complicated than you realize."

"I'll bet," Vice said.

"The Zebra Republic helped the Conductor summon the Magic Gear here. They're part of the Resistance, they always have been," Lightning explained.

"Ha!" Dan laughed. "Called it."

Lightning continued as Vice started to calm down. "But the zebras were worried that the weapon was too powerful. The Resistance was only planning on using it as a bluff, a way to negotiate with the Solar Empire on even terms. The zebras however, didn't think a weapon this powerful should even exist. Before we could get here, they tried to disassemble it. The Conductor told them not to but… they did anyway. And this happened."

"They… they blew themselves up?" Vice asked. "Just trying to get rid of a weapon, they blew themselves up with it?"

Lightning Claw nodded solemnly. "Minister Zeal informed us he ordered a team of technicians to remove the Sword Spell, the Magic Gear's horn-weapon that gives it the power to… do this. That was the last we heard from him before we lost contact. Before this happened. They were going to give us the rest of the Magic Gear once they disposed of the nuke but apparently, it would seem they unintentionally detonated it while attempting to remove it."

"Hahahaha!" Dan laughed. "What a riot. The hippies try to get stop the rebels and the imps from blowing each other up and they wind up destroying themselves. I love it. The Empresses themselves would kill for this kind of entertainment."

"They often do," Lightning said stoically.

"So… you wanted me to get Magic Gear for you. Because… I built it?" Vice asked.

Lightning shrugged. "More or less. We were hoping it would recognize you as its creator and obey your commands. As a neutral party, you could even oversee the negotiations between the Resistance and the Solar Empire. No one would have to get hurt, we could sign a treaty to recognize the Resistance's control over the territories we have and end the war."

"Not a bad plan," Dan admitted. "Apart from using the good doctor here, I'd say it was a pretty good strategy."

"But why did you have to use me?" Vice asked.

Dan sighed. "He just told you, dingus. You can tell the robot what to do."

Vice held up a hand. "But if you could summon anything, why couldn't you just summon the other Vice Grip, err, the other me?"

Lightning gave a small smile at the doctor. "We try to interfere with other universes as little as possible. That being said, we did consider inviting your counterpart to join us… but I think we may have found him less than agreeable."

"Ha, pacifism. Must be a common trait with you in every universe," Dan scoffed.

The alicorn looked down his muzzle at the human. "You have no idea."

"General," the green Enclave pony trotted up to him. She carried a large machine in her hooves that looked like a microwave. "Sir, we've picked up its trail."

Lightning examined the device. "Very good, Captain Springer. What can you tell us?"

"Wait," Vice held up his hand. "What do you mean 'trail'?"

Dan spun around on its heels. "Don't tell me that thing actually…"

Springer pointed to the screen on top of the machine. "Looks like damage to an actuator, perhaps one or more of the limbs. We've found hydraulic fluid and a good amount of potion in the area. And tracks are uneven from what we can tell."

Lightning nodded. "Probably a limp. What's east of here?"

"The Siphres River's still flowing, from what we can tell and the crystallization hasn't affected it. Our only guess is it survived because it flows into the Empire as well," Springer said.

The alicorn just shook his head. "Terrible weapon," he hooved the device back to her. "All right, upload a course to the doctor's bird."

"Aye, sir."

"What's going on?" Dan and Vice asked simultaneously in the most clueless voice you can imagine. Like, eyes-wide, mouth almost but not quite trembling clueless.

"From what we can tell, the Magic Gear's damaged, heading to a water source. It's probably still in self-defense mode which means it will treat anything it comes across as a threat. If it follows the river south, it'll be heading for the Empire. And you know what that will mean," Lightning said grimly.

"It actually survived?" Vice asked. "It survived all this?"

Lightning nodded. "It was at the epicenter of the blast. Got pretty banged up we think, but it's still functional. Its first goal will be to try and repair the damage but we don't know how extensive it is- whether it will be able to repair itself on its own or not- so we're sending you to go get it. When it sees you, you will probably be able to deactivate its self-defense protocols and we can retrieve it before it does damage."

Dan smiled, impressed. "That's one tough machine if it can take a blast like this and keep walking. But wait- can it still do things like this if it's still active?!" he gestured all around them. "And you're sending us after it?! No thanks- I'm out."

"It'll need time before its Sword Spell can regenerate, especially if the horn was damaged," Lightning said.

"The Sword Spell," Vice repeated. "That's what did all this? And it's REGENERATING?"

Lightning nodded solemnly. "We have to get to it before the Empire does or they may be able to reverse-engineer it. We also shouldn't stay here long."

"Why not?" the pair asked simultaneously. "You know, apart from the fact that there's a killer robot on the loose," Dan said.

Lightning donned an Enclave helmet while he continued speaking. "Our analysis indicates the Sword Spell is a genocidal weapon. It's part dark magic, part nuclear doomsday bomb. It erased everything that was the Zebra Kingdom and reduced it into hyper-condensed magic, these crystals under your hooves. The only landforms that are left unaffected are the ones that affect major regions in other places. But even the memory of the zebras is being erased, drained into the aurora in order to create more crystals."

Vice's mouth went agape. He raised his hand to his head, trying to feel if there was some absence, something he'd forgotten there. He tried to remember back. Yes, it was the Zebra Republic, not a kingdom. He had colleagues here… or rather, he'd had colleagues here before. He remembered Cross-Eye, a cheery doctor zebra who wore thick-rimmed glasses and spoke with an equally thick accent. He was the first zebra Vice had met, his friend. He didn't want to forget him.

Dan tapped his chin. A cutaway shot of the goateed human's head revealed he was wondering what happened to the valuables, if any, that the species that lived here once had. He tried to remember what the species was called… but then he remembered he didn't care. They all looked alike to him, anyway, every four-legged thing. Did they have four legs? What was he thinking about again? The image of a pie entered the vacant recesses of his mind, golden crust in a silvery tin. Steam wafted from the top, alluding to the delicious flavors within.

"Mmm… pickleberry," Dan muttered.

Lightning regarded Dan from under his helmet. "Riiiight. Anyway, we're transmitting coordinates to your Flutterbird. You'll be able to track it based on the hydraulic and power fluids it's leaking, should lead you right to it," he said. Other resistance and Enclave ponies gathered around them, slowly. They were all suited up.

"And when we find it?" Vice asked. "What do I do to convince I'm… the other guy?"

The alicorn smiled, though it couldn't be seen from under his face mask. "You'll think of something, doctor."

"Argy darky larky, let's get going," Dan said, turning back to his Flutterbird. He stopped without moving a single inch forward. Someone in front of him blocked him to the point where he couldn't even see around to the bird.

And he was pointing a gun at him. "Sorry, pardner. 'Fraid you're just gonna have to stick around."

Dan smiled, slowly raising his hands. "How much is the Resistance paying you, Waylon?"

"A."

"A what?"

"A lot, brother man," Waylon said, mouthing the words slowly and deliberately. "A whole lot. Head on into the 'bird, doctor. We'll be a long shortly."

Vice looked at Dan. The human could only offer him a shrug. He turned back to Waylon. "What if I say no?"

Waylon turned the gun casually to Vice.

"Okay, getting back in the clown car. You guys have fun. I might turn on the radio again. Nice knowing you Dan!" the doctor quickly scrambled through the hatch and shut the door.

"I'm sorry 'bout this, Danny," Waylon said, pointing the gun back his way.

"No, you're not."

"Aw, don't be like that. Not like we're gonna shoot ya, anyway. Not when you know so much about the Empire," Waylon said.

Dan chuckled awkwardly. "You're gonna pump me for intel?" he looked over his shoulders. All the Enclave ponies had weapons trained on him, the bulky magnifying glass lasers the Resistance usually favored worn on their hooves were all aimed at him. "I don't know anything about the Empire. I forget my own birthday sometimes, Waylon. You know that."

Waylon quirked a smile. "Only cuz you lie about your age to get the senior discount at movies."

"I bought you popcorn a couple of times."

"And ate most of it on most occasions," Waylon countered.

"You know too much about our operations already, Dan," Lightning Claw said behind him. "The choice is yours, Dan. You can either come with us, tell us what undoubtedly little you do know and we can resettle you in Appleloosa or one of the other Resistance-controlled territories. We might even liberate a resort soon and you can have a hotel suite. Alternatively, we shoot you, vaporize your body and let the memory of you fade along with everything else in the north territory."

Dan nodded. "I think I like option 'A' better. Just, one thing, first."

"What's that, Danny boy?"

The goateed human dropped his arms, relaxing. "You're gonna need the keys to the Flutterbird if you go."

"Ah," Waylon's eyebrow quirked. "Didn't realize you had 'em. Well, fork 'em over. AH-AH-" he stopped him as Dan reached for his pocket. He aimed the gun for Dan's head. "Slowly now."

"Relax," Dan grinned sheepishly. "I just agreed to the resettlement, anyway. There's no need for hostility."

"Uh huh," Waylon kept the gun on him. "I'll believe that when you're bound, gagged and far away. Until then, hands where I can see them."

"Pffft, fine," Dan carefully, slowly, deliberately reached into his pocket and got out the keys.

"Ain't those the keys to your car?"

"They're the keys to a lot of things, actually," Dan said. He accidentally hit a button on the keychain.

*Rurrb-rurrb* The lights flashed on the bird's fuselage, indicating that the door locks had engaged.

Waylon spun around. "What? You locked the doors!"

"Ooops, sorry," Dan said. He walked up quickly to Waylon's side. "Let me get it." He pointed the key at the aircraft.

"You keep screwin' around with the things and you're gonna- HEY!" Waylon yelped as Dan grabbed him by the neck and spun around. Without the cell phone attached, the keychain only carried a single charge for the phaser in the lens. It would have to be enough. He aimed the key at one of the Enclave's Flutterbirds and pressed the button.

*pssshhrrrrr--- rrrrrrrBRABOOOOM!!!* The phaser blast hit the Flutterbird's external fuel tank under the tail, heating it to impossibly hot levels and igniting it in the space of a second. The Flutterbird exploded into a fireball, blasting away the Enclave ponies assembled in front of it and knocking the other Flutterbirds over. Debris rained out from the explosion, pelting Dan's own craft but doing no damage.

Dan smiled and pushed Waylon off of him. He'd used his former associate as a human shield, effectively protecting him from the blast.

Vice Grip felt the blast but already had his restraints on. The explosion shook the Flutterbird, knocked a few things loose from the overhead compartments but otherwise did no damage. He looked around frantically, unsure of whether to get up or hide underneath something. The sound of the hatch opening caused him to turn in his chair.

"You strapped in, doctor?"

"Yes,- hey! What the hell blew up back there?"

Dan shut the hatch and and climbed into the pilot's seat. "Your friends in the Resistance have just been delayed, permanently. Hang on, doctor. We're going to go get your robot." He pressed several buttons and pulled the same lever Waylon did. The Flutterbird lifted off once again and with the coordinates Lightning had uploaded, they took to the skies, leaving behind them a smoldering crater in the middle of the wasteland. Vice decided not to ask further about what happened behind them.

Both the lenses on Waylon's glasses had been broken by the blast but he adjusted them anyway, standing and dusting himself off.

Captain Springer helped Lightning to stand, carrying him away from the burning wreck of his aircraft. "He's crafty, I'll give him that."

"Crafty, huh?" Waylon said, making no effort to hide the annoyance in his voice. "You're givin' him crafty, great. Good for him. What are you givin' me to go after him?"

"Nothing," Lightning said.

"What?!"

"Sir," Captain Springer interrupted, "your leg is broken. We need to radio for a med-evac."

"I'm fine," Lightning assured her, ignoring the pain in his legs and his back. "Radio for the evac. We're not pursuing Dan and the doctor."

Waylon folded his arms. "And what does this mean?"

The alicorn tore off the charred remains of his helmet. Underneath it revealed a scarred face that somehow looked as if a mask had come off. Lightning smiled an unsettling grin that made Waylon a bit concerned. The image of fire burned in his eyes- whether it was reflecting off of them… or coming from somewhere deep within, the human did not care to know.

"It means everything is going according to plan, captain. Now, we just need to call the Conductor and tell her everything is on schedule."

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