Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

The Negotiator

The Moon
Stable 0

Rice's moon base was pretty basic, all things considered. He was alone there, apart from his personal guards. None of them needed much, and far away from the rest of Equestria, there wasn't much need for defenses. It had the best defense of all: the fact that no one knew it was there apart from those in it. That's how it had been and it had worked for great deal of time. After all, Stable Zero had been built before all the others.

It was quiet, even quieter than Stable Five back at Prosperity Base. Rice had no interest in going back to it, or Equestria, certainly not after it was raided. He'd had enough interlopers, random interference, Equestria's own attempts to preserve its own order. The planet itself could summon people to defend it, something the Fausticorn had intended. But with her gone, the Director's inherent nerdiness had taken hold and warped in 80s pop culture. And of course, the Director WAS Equestria's spirit, and even 'dead,' she could still screw things around.

But not on the moon. No, the moon was a prison, as the Fausticorn had intended it to be. There was no inherent magic here except for Luna's. And Luna... well, she was beginning to come around. As Rice had intended.

Despite the fact that it was isolated, the moon base did in fact receive a visitor. The Stable, built onto and under the moon's surface, did not have an official entrance, but it did have a maintenance airlock. Today, it opened to receive a visitor.

A pair of canine guards went to check the disturbance. Weapons drawn, they rushed to the airlock.

"Everything is fine. You can return to your post."

"Everything is fine."

"We can return to our posts," the second dog said. The two put away their weapons, turned around and went back to their stations. They completely forgot there had been a disturbance at all.

Rice was eating an apple as he made his morning walk through the halls. Outside the windows of the upper level, the vast expanse of space beckoned. His newest project would be ready soon and then he would leave this universe behind. He would soon create the world, the universe he wanted, undoing everything from the past. Soon. Soon...

He looked down at the apple. It only just now occurred to him that the supply of Sweet Apple Acres' apples was now limited, considering there was no Sweet Apple Acres. Sure, he could use his techno-magic-wizardry to conjure up more, but would they have the same taste? There are some things that simply couldn't be replicated by magic or science, some perfect tastes, perfect sights, perfect feelings, perfect moments in time that simply could not be experienced again. They could only be imitated and their memories captured. Then, they could be shared.

Not that Rice intended on sharing. He bit the apple down the core, passing a room as he did so. The door was open for some reason, probably just a glitch or something, but he gave a glance into the room as he passed by.

"Good morning, Mr. Rice."

"GNNGGLLL! MMMMNNG-" and Rice began choking on the last bite of apple. The core fell to the floor, he braced himself against the doorway as the apple lodged itself in his throat, causing him to hack.

A pair of armored arms, similar to his own, but most certainly NOT his own, wrapped around his midsection and squeezed. The pressure caused him to hack up the apple.

"AAalllgh... haaaaa... haaa..."

"I'm very sorry to have startled you," a voice said. Rice panted, unsure of how to respond, unsure of what to do. The apple core rose up from the floor slowly, as if lifted by magic. But it was not lifted by magic.

Rice turned around. In front of him stood a man wearing green armor and a curved black helmet, like a fencing mask. He stood with his arms clasped behind his back, a stance Rice often liked to take.

"Do you require medical attention?"

"I... haaa... no. No," Rice looked up at him as he caught his breath. "NO." He reached out for the man's neck with lightning speed. His own upgrades to his gauntlets and boots allowed him to move faster, hit harder and do things that not even alciorns could claim to have done. But for all his speed, all his enhancements, this new person was faster. And all he did was dodge.

The man dipped backward, dodged and evaded each blow. He didn't land one of his own as Rice kept punching, chopping, angrily lashing out at him. Rice couldn't touch him, try as he might.

The door behind them closed. The sound was just enough to alert him to his mistake; Rice hadn't noticed it, but his pursuit of the intruder had led him right into the room. Right into a trap. He cursed himself for behaving like Dan. Just. Like. Dan. And just as he glanced back at the door, he broke sight with his opponent. When he looked back, he was gone.

"I appreciate you joining me today, Mr. Rice Puddinghead. Or would you prefer I refer to you as chancellor?"

Rice looked over. It was impossible; he was sitting at the end of the dining room table now, hands folded in front of him. He'd teleported somehow. Faster than the blink of an eye, no flash or spark of magic.

"How are you doing that?" Rice asked. "You techporting? I know that trick, too- in fact, I invented it. Where's your phase relay?"

"I'm able to do quite a lot through the Force," the man explained calmly. "When one has balance, they are capable of doing anything."

"The Force?" Rice asked. Where had he heard of that before? Oh crap... "You mean you're a Jedi?"

He nodded. "I am. I am Jedi Master Rals Braddaig of the Jedi Council. I'm a Jedi Shadow, which makes me a seeker and finder of things."

"Uh huh," Rice said. He opened the door. "Well, you can find yourself out, because I'm not planning on-"

"Would you prefer a different location?" the Jedi now stood in front of him. "I can take you back to Equestria, if you wish."

"Stop. Just STOP doing THAT," Rice flicked his hand. His glove passed through the man's armor, through his entire body like it wasn't there. The man then grabbed the door and closed it.

"I see," Rice said. "Intangibility. You're able to phase-shift. Not entirely impressive if Pinkie Pie can do it."

"It is Pinkie Pie I wish to discuss with you," he said calmly. "Her fate, and that of all ponies, all of Equestria. Including you."

"Ohhhhhhh," Rice nodded. "Oh, okay, I get it. You're not going to leave me alone until I negotiate with you. Is that it?"

"I can come back tomorrow," Rals said. "But I assure you that it is in your best interest that we come to an agreement in regards your planet and its people."

"Oh, I'm sure it is, grasshopper. And by the way, how exactly are you a Jedi?" Rice demanded. "I thought there weren't any more of you guys left. They had that movie about the last one. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't you, green jeans."

"I wasn't aware of any films about Jedi."

"Not a big movie buff, are you?"

"I like holo-documentaries. And the occasional rom-com."

"Ah," Rice said, nodding "I'm more of a sci-fi fan, myself."

"I can tell."

" So anyway, fuck off, I'm too busy to deal with..." he trailed off when he noticed security approaching. He hadn't called for security.

Four dog soldiers, two from down the corridor and two from behind him, came to the pair of them as they stood arguing. The dogs pulled out their weapons, designed by Rice himself, and aimed them right at Rice himself.

"As I said," Rals began, "it is in your best interest that we all reach an agreement."

Rice didn't have to turn around to know he was surrounded. "I see... you're going to make me kill my own guards if I don't comply."

"Not exactly, boss."
"Milord... please."
"Sir, it doesn't have to be this way."
"Listen to reason, sir."

"They are acting of their own free will," Rals explained. "Jedi Mind Tricks can be potent, but only temporary. Convincing others is far more long-lasting."

Rice lowered his guard. "I'll listen to what you have to say. But I can still snap my fingers and be far away at any time if I don't like what I hear." They entered the makeshift conference room, what was originally a kitchen for the guards.

"You can do that, but I'll find you," Rals assured him, his voice consistently calm.

"So what the hell were you summoned as? Greatest infiltrator? Greatest manipulator?" Rice asked.

"Greatest negotiator, I believe."

"Oh, well, if that's the case, you really should speak with the princess first," Rice said. "I'm sure they'll be happy to discuss things with you."

"I already have."

"Oh shit."

Just as Twilight was debating with the ponysonification of war in Tartarus, Rice began debating with an icon of peace on the moon. Long did the philosophical battles rage, all while Dan and company headed to the bridge between both locations and concepts at the same time.

Comments

[Barrobroadcaster]

9998609
He's very much not for everyone. He hates pretty much everyone, too, except maybe Chrys, Chris and Elise. And he even hates them sometimes.

[Booster Spice]

So much phase,so much pie.

Or as Dan goes instead of Twilight.

PUDDING.

[Barrobroadcaster]

10002916
We've yet to see someone phase through pudding.

[Booster Spice]

10002924

Xmas Pudding vs Fruitcake Pie?

[Barrobroadcaster]

10002053
Merry Christmas, Dear Lady! I know it's busy for you, been busy for me, too but I'm always happy to see and read your comments. Never doubt that!

[JakeAndDollars]

Annnddd.... I'm all caught up! Thanks for making this Christmas abroad and beyond a better one Barro! I greatly look forward to these, they add a semblance of sanity and consistency to what at times can be an unpredictable and, potentially fleeting existence. It is a comfort to know that wherever I've managed to end up by the end of the week, so long as there is so much as a shred of internet, I can count on Dan and the gang to find my smile. You aren't just scratching out some basic tail we've all heard a hundred times, no, you provide a valued service, and don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise! One of these days, if I ever find the time to track you down, don't resist, you've earned this hug.

Your friend and here till the end~ Dollars

[Barrobroadcaster]

10004751
You don't know how much I appreciate it, Dollars. I appreciate all my fans, every last one of them. I'm grateful for every view. I wish more creators of content could be like that, so I'm doing my best to be the kind of creator I want more of. MLP inspired me to do that, the way the writers and people involved with the show give back to the fans. I want to give back to you, that's why I put you and Jake in the story. And the great thing is, there's even a reason for you to be there so it's not just straight-up pandering.

Yes, believe it or not, despite all the craziness and random characters that have appeared, I HAVE found a way to fit them all together and tie things up with a nice bow. And I was getting kind of worried for a while that I'd written myself into a corner but this actually works. Not going to spoil anything, but the last arc is going to be a ride upon rides.

I should mention that Brad and Eric are the last non-MLP characters I'm planning on adding. Technically, they've been in the story since Episode 2 but their role is a more hidden one, keeping in line with the theme of things not seen on the show.

[LadyLeomon]

Before anything else I hope you had a Merry Christmas, full of everything you wished for cos yo7 always lift my day with your newest chapter each week 💙🎄🎁🐱🎁🎄💙Secondly:

Oh cursing Arceus straight to the Distortion World! I can’t believe I missed the official release date of the Christmas Chapter! While technically not a Christmas-themed chapter it was posted on the day so I feel just rotten for missing it, sorry Barro okay I’m done, moving on:

Seriously your chapter makes me not hate Star Wars (completely)! I actually spent a minute searching the Wiki (and Google) for any mention of Mr Rals, but of course the only SW character I remotely like (other than Annakin)! And now I’m wondering who would actually win in a fight between these two: The Jedi Negotiator or Pony Hitler? (Can I place a bet on Option A? Thanks!)

And now mostly because I’ve been watching a *lot* of SW on YouTube lately I’m wondering: who would win in a battle ... Dan or Darth Vader (the Dark Side’s whole but is “use your rage” so if that holds true for non-Jedi/Sith then Dan could be unstoppable with the correct motivation (Sorry DV but Dan’s my main man!)

Now for my favourite quotes:

"How are you doing that?" Rice asked. "You techporting? I know that trick, too- in fact, I invented it. Where's your phase relay?"

Is this true? (I’m stubborn and really don’t want to give Vice/Rice any credit for anything right now)

"I'm able to do quite a lot through the Force," the man explained calmly. "When one has balance, they are capable of doing anything."

"The Force?" Rice asked. Where had he heard of that before? Oh crap... "You mean you're a Jedi?"

He nodded. "I am. I am Jedi Master Rals Braddaig of the Jedi Council. I'm a Jedi Shadow, which makes me a seeker and finder of things."

Yup, the one-sided fight scene aside just this one line of dialogue makes Rals my favourite Star Wars character!

”Uh huh," Rice said. He opened the door. "Well, you can find yourself out, because I'm not planning on-"

I’m being petty now I know it, but shouldn’t it be “show yourself out?” (Not gonna miss the chance to point out Rice making a grammatical whoopsie!

”So what the hell were you summoned as? Greatest infiltrator? Greatest manipulator?" Rice asked.

"Greatest negotiator, I believe."

"Oh, well, if that's the case, you really should speak with the princess first," Rice said. "I'm sure they'll be happy to discuss things with you."

"I already have."

"Oh shit."

HAH! I freaking love this chaoter’s ending dialogue! Really can’t wait to see what happens next!

Again I apologise for my tardiness Dear Barro, first i was up to my eyes in my new games (Pokémon Sword & Shield hype!) then today was just a bad day but I’ll return soon for the last chapter of 2019, on my honour as a Lioness I swear it!

As always thank you for lifting my spirits and I’ll see you ~next time~

Your Eternal Fan 💙🎄🎁🐱🎁🎄💙

P.S For fear of invoking Dan’s wrath I just gotta say the newest Star Wars movie that Rice mentioned is just terrible! (I mean The Rise of Skywalker? Really Disney? Annakin was pretty great (before he went all bad-guy), as is Luke (arguably Leah too), who even is this new girl? Is she from Luke or Leah’s branch? Is she even a real Skywalker?!) plus if she really is the last one then ... I’m okay with that, personally I now think the Jedi are for the most part a bunch of jerks (MatPat’s Film Theory set me on this path especially when I really thought about the situation with Annakin’s mother). Sorry just had to get that out, I’m sure Mr Rals would never separate a child from its mother, deny them a happy childhood then neglect to ever check up on their mother ever again resulting in a revenge mass-slaughter and inevitable fall to the Dark Side ... plus a whole lotta other crap they did ... I’mma stop talking now! A pleasure to meet ya Master Rals!

[Razzy]

Huh, seems like Rice hadn't worked out every power on the universe yet.