Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

OSP: The Wind-Up

The DeLorean raced through Ponyville's recently-rebuilt streets, the tires ripping into the dirt roads like saw blades.

In the backseat along with Dan and the others, Tuxley was literally holding on for his hat. "Reginald, I say, do mind traffic safety!"

"I don't believe we'll have any difficulty with traffic, sir, seeing as the only other vehicle is directly behind us," Reginald responded, almost too calmly. He drove with surprising skill and precision in spite of his hooves, expertly maneuvering the eight-passenger DeLorean through the Ponyville streets. Most of the debris had been cleared but some of the roads were still narrower or wider than they would've usually been.

Behind them, Reed Roamer was apparently having no trouble keeping up with them. The blaring sound of gunfire roared even louder than the cars. Bullets pinged off the metal hull of the DeLorean, rattling the group inside.

"You guys got anything we can hit them back with?" Daring asked, holding firmly down on her pith helmet.

"Umm, other than me, I don't know," Twilight said. "I don't think I like that idea."

"Yeah, even I'm not going to risk shooting back at those idiots with you," Dan said, shooting down the idea.

"Speed bump!" Reginald announced.

"What? Ponyville doesn't have any-" Twilight was bounced into the roof of the car as the vehicle hit something. "I… stand corrected."

"Twilight! Get your seatbelt on!" Dan yelled.

The mare shook it off and looked over to see her human companion fully strapped in. "How did you get buckled in so quickly?"

Dan deadpan-stared back at her. "You're seriously asking me that question?"

"Ye-s-" another bump cut her off.

"Twilight, I ALWAYS put on my seatbelt when I board a vehicle," Dan stated resolutely. "I'm always about safety first. You know that."

"Oh yeah," Twilight said, remembering back. "You crashed a helicopter shaped like my head but you always wear your seatbelt. That's safety."

"Two helicopters," Dan replied. They hit something else and the car shook. "And I made sure Fluffle wore hers, too. Now get buckled up."

"Right, right, I got it." Twilight climbed into the chair next to Dan carefully and buckled herself in.

"It's not going to matter much if those dogs gun us down!" Daring yelled.

"Reginald! Do your best to lose those ruffians!"

Another volley of gunfire pelted the car. Luckily, the enhanced stainless-steel construction of the vehicle deflected bullets pretty well. Still, every time the car was blasted, the group ducked in their seats.

"What would you have me do, sir?"

"Take Mane Avenue to Mane Street, then head down Mane Lane to Mane Parkway! We'll try to lose them in the market district!" Tuxley said.

"Very good, sir." The car turned, grinding its wheels into the dirt as it rounded a corner. They raced down a narrow back-alley, dislodging several hanging clothes lines from the buildings. The gunfire was shorter as the dogs couldn't hang out of the vehicle in order to fire. Their square car continued advancing on the group, Reed Roamer behind the wheel.

"Can't this thing travel through time?!" Dan asked.

Tuxley chuckled. "Hoho, don't be silly, dear boy. Only spell-bounds can time travel. This motorcar happens to be a prop from Universal Studios. I acquired it after they closed down the-"

"How about we continue this conversation when we're not being shot at?!" Daring suggested loudly.

Twilight was peering through the streets, trying to see where they were going while they deliberated. "We're on Mane Avenue right now?"

"Yes, madame, or we will be as soon as we exit this back alley," Reginald answered just as the car exited the back alley. "We've exited the back alley. Now, we're on Mane Avenue, if I'm not mistaken." The DeLorean rushed through the curved shopping district. Mane Avenue was a street south of Twilight's house, a curved road lined with smaller boutiques. The street curved right up to Carousel Boutique, though they were not heading in that direction at the moment.

"They still haven't cleaned up most of the debris on Mane Avenue!" Twilight exclaimed, eyes focused forward.

"I haven't noticed anything yet," Reginald said.

Twilight pointed out the windshield. "Because it's coming up around the corner!!"

"What is?!"

"RAMP! RAMP!!"

"Oh, dear."

During Ponyville's reconstruction, Flim and Flam tried to aid the townsfolk with repairs using their machines. They offered to let the ponies rent(at 'generous discounted prices') various contraptions to help fix the town. Dan advised ponies in town not to take them up on their offer. Because of Dan's valiance and that of his friends, the entire town unanimously heeded his advice. Unfortunately, this did not prevent the Flim Flam Brothers from showing off their questionably-useful inventions, including one they were currently dragging through the middle of the street simply called "The Flim Flam Bros. Metal-Stamped Ultra-Ramped Revamper Two-Thousand and Zee." A device which, for all intents and purposes, was just a large ramp.

"AAAAHHHH!!!!!" The entire group screamed as the car rocketed up the ramp and shot into the air. For what felt like a moment that could last eternity, the car sailed over the skies of Ponyville in a Spielbergian majesty only made possible through sheer randomness.

"AHHHAAAA! AAAAAHHH!!!"

"Hey," Dan suddenly turned to Twilight, "you know, we have done weirder stuff than this."

"LIKE WHAT?!?!"

"Well, there was the train," Dan started to list. "We went over the helicopters already… but then, there was the bubblegum, the chariot race, two chariot races, kind of."

"HOW IS THIS HELPING?!?!" Twilight screamed. The car landed finally, the impact miraculously absorbed by the four tires. "Wait! The security system!"

"What about- oh, wait!" Dan exclaimed. "I see where you're going with this!" The other car drove around the ramp and was still on their tail. Gunfire ripped through the dirt near the wheels. Apparently, the dogs had given up trying to shoot through the car's metal body.

"Guys, they're gunning for the wheels, now!" Daring exclaimed.

"We lure them right back to the treehouse and hit them with the security system!" Dan said.

Twilight nodded. "Reginald! Take a right and get us back to the library!"

"Excellent suggestion, ma'am." The car turned, forcing all aboard to lean left into each other.

Dan whipped out his cell phone. "I'll call the guys and tell them to switch it from passive mode to active mode! That way, it'll be able to auto-track them and blast Big Rover and his goons!"

"Good! Good, yes, do that!" Twilight said.

Back at the Golden Oaks Library, Dan's call came through on the phone in the living room/foyer. Unfortunately, Chrys and the others were too busy in the kitchen to hear it.

"Ohmaigawsh, this cake," Chrys mumbled through a moist bite, her voice pure ecstasy.

"We now know Dan knows how to bake," Phoenix said. (It looks like its chocolate but it has a hint of vanilla on the inside. And… something else, somehow that tastes familiar.)

"Mmmmmmmmm-hmmmm," Spike said. "I'ff haff ta getff the rethipeff froff himff."

Fluffle Puff, having finished her piece, was licking the plate. The entire plate. Inside of her mouth. She spat it out and it shined like it had been chrome-polished instead of just spit-polished.

Blast Fuse and Blast Powder, having enjoyed their cake pieces partly, were now doing what any good demolitions expert pones did in such a situation: they examined the cake. "What ingredients did Dan use to make this cake?"

"There's still a little rationing going on in town," BP said.

"We haven't made a store run in a while," BF added.

"And we only really have the ingredients in the house."

"Even Sugar Cube Corner is low-stocked."

Spike held a claw up to his chin. "Well, he used some of my cake mix I bake crystal cakes with. I'm out of crystals, though. But, I guess he just used what we have around the house."

Phoenix's eyes went wide. "Meaning only what we have in the kitchen."

"And everything we have in the kitchen…" Chrys said, "is on the table."

They all slowly turned their eyes to the table. Sitting next to the cake tray were the ingredients Dan had used during his elaboration of their plan. Now, it all made sense what else he used them for. Hot sauce, soy sauce, pickles, cherries, maple syrup. And all of it had been used.

"Oh my gawd," Phoenix held up his cake, "HE USED MY SOY SAUCE AS THE ICING!!"

"Oh no…"

"I think I'm gonna be sick…"

"I know I'm gonna be sick!" Spike yelled. "Get outta the way!" The small dragon shouldered his way over to the sink and began hurling fire into it.

They all dropped their plates to find some place to relieve themselves. Fluffle Puff, not one to let good food go to waste, used her long Yoshi-like tongue to slurp each partly-eaten piece off wherever it happened to have landed. "Thmmmm. Thppp-thbbbbb." Mmmm. Soy sauce.

None of them happened to notice the classic corded phone ringing on the lamp stand in the living room. Finally, it went to voice mail.

"WHY ARE NONE OF YOU IDIOTS PICKING UP?!?!" Dan's voice raged. "THAT'S IT! YOU ALL ARE DEAD TO ME!! I AM KICKING EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU OUT! I'M GONNA SKIN YOU ALIVE, FLAY YOU IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE TOWN AND HANG YOUR ENTRAILS OVER EVERY PHONE LINE IN THE CITY!! YOU'RE GONNA BE THE NEXT DECORATIONS FOR HEARTH'S WARMING EVE!! There was a short pause before he continued. "Call me back when you get this. It's Dan."

"And Twilight!"

"And Twilight. Also, when you get this, please arm the security system. There's some mobsters trying to kill us. Thanks, bye."

Dan closed his phone. "Huh, no answering message. What happened to our old answering machine?"

Twilight shrugged bashfully. "Well, um, I was showing it to Princess Celestia and… uh… we decided to recycle it. With dynamite." She looked away. "It didn't really bring out the best in me. So we destroyed it."

Surprisingly, Dan just nodded at the reaction. "Ah, not a bad idea. That way, they couldn't trace anything back to us. Good thinking."

"I… never really thought about it that way. Thanks, Dan," she smiled.

He nodded. "It's what I'm here for." He dialed another number on his phone. "Hey, Derpy?"

"Heya, D-Boss."

"It's just Dan! Just Dan!"

"Okie dokie, Justin."

"GAAAGHH!" Dan raged. "Look, get down here NOW and bring the border patrol! We're in a silver… movie ride prop we're being chased by mob dogs in a rolling doghouse!"

"Alrighty, Justin, be there soon!"

"IT'S DAN!!!!"

Comments

[JakeAndDollars]

I was wondering when you would reference that video! That's easily my favorite one from Fluffy. Well done good sir! Well done!

~Dollars

[Dustchu]

"Alrighty, Justin, be there soon!"
"IT'S DAN!!!!"

Oooooh Dan, I know that feeling all too well, so many people mistake my name for Justin when its actually Dustin... My name isn't a word so much sadness...

Nice chapter though, hahaha XD

[Razzy]

Justin's a funny guy.

At least the ride didn't go Sgt Kabuki man NYPD.

[TheUltimateBrony-Class-S]

7399446
I'm just waiting for Dan to go Red vs Blue Sarge on their asses

[Booster Spice]

If the security system is in Passive mode, doesnt that mean it responds to anything attacking it? As in a car driving it gets its attention, but having a second car drive even faster at it firing weapons, using the first car as a diversion would really rack up the TARGET points, enough maybe even to recieve a free cutiepie doll as this months gift? Courtesy of the Demolition Crew?

Aww. Just because it is a movie prop doesnt mean it doesnt have to be fully functional.

Then again that thing I was woring on back in the 90s, teleporting, coldfusion, robotic dragon Ruth still has a few bugs to work out.

[LadyLeomon]

No matter how crumby a time I'm having just reading about Dan and company's latest when-Dan-igans makes me smile ^_^

Wait, the car's a DeLorean? Does this mean Tuxley bought it from the same set that Back To The Future came from? Nostalgia trip ho! Meanwhile I wonder what the rest of the Dan Gang will do when they either read that message or the DeLorean crashes through the front door? Always keep your phones on you people, and ponies, I can NOT stress this enough! Nawww I really wanted to see Dan's awesome security system make an awesome explosion ... next chapter maybe?

Awesome as always and thanks for making the gloomy weekend I just had seem really far away. Love ya Barro but Dan will always be my favourite misanthrope

[CarolMAssphault]

"Yeah, even I'm not going to risk shooting back at those idiots with you," Dan said, shooting down the idea.

OH DEAR LORD ALMIGHTY, DAN'S NOT EVEN HIMSELF ANYMORE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Oh well, you win some you lose some.