Resort: Tip of the Trident- Round 2
"I'm not... I'm not..." Dan panted.
"Not... not what?"
"I'm not taking any prisoners," Dan forced out.
"We're not taking- taking prisoners?"
"No... they made me run. We're going to kill 'em all."
"Okay. I don't care any more," Phoenix replied. Both of them had sweat steaming down their faces. From the west gate, they'd ran all the way back across town, back to Town Square. Dan glanced up now and then to check on the battle for Cloudsdale. The griffons' ring-shaped carrier ships were still flying and Cloudsdale was still there. So were some of the larger flying sea creatures, including one very big one that looked like it could easily take a bite out of any of the vessels or the city itself. They were on their own for now; he had to remain on the surface to secure Ponyville.
The ion cannons continued their barrage. Unbeknownst to Dan and Phoenix, the Golden Oaks cannon actually fired a little faster than the others because Fluffle Puff and the Blasties were arguing over whose turn it was to fire the cannon. Despite Twilight's encouragement that they take turns, neither Blast Fuse nor Blast Powder could dispute Fluffle Puff's argument. Fluffle Puff's argument was simply "Thpppth."
Dan was in the process of determining the best type of torture to subject the sea ponies to when they arrived back at Town Hall. Their brains were in immediate combat mode- if something was still standing, it was a good sign. That's all they had time to check.
"We're gonna need reinforcements for the next round."
"Why do we need reinforcements? Oh, so we don't have to walk?"
"Yes, that would be why. Let's go find Trixie and Blueblood, maybe he has a segway or something stashed around here somewhere." They walked around to the front of the building.
"At least the Town Hall is intact," Phoenix remarked. "Trixie must've done a good jo-OHMAIGAWD."
"WELL THERE GOES THAT THEORY." Trixie's stage was cratered. A large, blackened hole was in the center and her curtains and cardboard decorations were on fire. Both cannons that Berry Punch and Blueblood had used were ruined, their hulks blasted off the stage, wheels broken. The three captured sea ponies were gone.
Dan ran up to the ruined stage. "Trixie! TRIXIIIIIIIEE!"
"Trixie!" They both yelled. "Berry Punch! Trixie!"
"TRIXIE!!" Dan yelled again. Reluctantly, he groaned and yelled. "And Blueblood!"
"Ahh-ooooohhhh..."
"TRIXIE!!" Dan vaulted over the stage. Behind it, off to the side was Trixie's wagon, overturned. Trixie, Berry Punch and Prince Blueblood were piled behind it, covered in pony bruises. And something else.
"Trixie is.... oooogghh," she looked up, her eyes rolling around her head and then finally back into focus. "I'm sorry, Dan. We weren't able to... to hold out as best as we would've liked." She straightened out her hat, now burnt and torn on top.
"What did this to you?" Phoenix asked.
"And... why are you wearing a fake mustache?"
Trixie looked down her snout. "Uggh, this is... NOT fake, unfortunately." Her horn glowed and a tiny razor appeared. "It seems the sea ponies have mastered number twenty-five. And they're using it as something of a taunt to disgrace the Great and Powerful Trixie's beautiful face!" The razor buzzed and quickly trimmed her facial hair.
Blueblood, wearing a long blonde mustache with matching goatee and Berry Punch, with the classic duster mustache, pulled themselves up. "There was... only one of them."
"We couldn't even hit him... and not for lack of trying," Berry Punch said. She pulled out a flask and indulged her namesake. "He was some kinda magician."
"Where's the mayor?" Dan asked. And then quickly realized, "Oh crap, we should've checked on the mayor!" The two bolted off towards the Town Hall.
"Yeah, we don't need medical attention or anything, just leave us here propped up against the wagon," Berry Punch said, not that the humans were paying attention. "At least I have you, children's show-appropriate beverage," she said, taking another swig.
Blueblood frowned at her. "Perchance will you be sharing any of that?"
"Not on your mustache, princess."
Dan and Phoenix burst into Town Hall. "MAYOR! Cutie Mark Crusaders! We are here to save you!" They didn't have to look far for a culprit. Right in front of the doors to Mayor Mare's office was a sea pony. Unlike the others, this one appeared to be important; his helmet was tinted purple and he was wearing a matching purple cape. The sea pony turned. The bipedal rescuers saw right away that this pony was different. Unlike the others, he was smiling.
"More interlopers arrive." His voice, still liquidy-sounding and somewhat distorted, was nonetheless clear and understandable. His tone was cool and confident. "Humans! So the legends are true. You have hidden much from us, indeed."
Elite Sea Pony Sorcerer
Scour Squall
Canterlantian S.O.L.V.E Summoner
"You can talk?"
"How can we understand you?" Phoenix asked.
"Our voices are meant for the depths, not the surface! My arcane lets you understand me but my quarrel is not with you," the sea pony said, turning around. He turned back around but then paused. "Hmm? What's this? Oh, you are summoned, are you? So you fight for the updwellers?"
Dan pulled out his cane. "Honestly, this is a very nice room and I'd rather try to keep it intact. Isn't it nice, Nicky?"
"I've seen worse."
"True, true, but I think we should give it the benefit of the doubt," Dan remarked. "So please, step outside so I can kick your ass out here and we can at least save the architecture. Is that too much to ask for?"
"Mm-hmm-hmm, you two are quite the stand-up act. But I can come up with a better one," the sea pony said. He raised a staff that looked to be made of steel wrapped in coral. At the top was set of tuning forks with a pearl stuck protruding from a pearl. He swirled it around in the air and although it made no contact with the water, it sounded as though it had been plunged into a tide. The pear and forks glowed purple and a ball of purple light appeared in the center of the room.
Dan took that opportunity to rush him. "OH I DON'T THINK SO, ZULTAN!" Phoenix charged him, too, and the humans brought their weapons clattering into the sea pony's ceremonial armor.
"Gahh!" Surprisingly, the enemy did not dodge at the last second like so many others. So that was one cliche avoided.
"HIT HIM IN HIS FACE! HIT HIM IN HIS STUPID FACE!" They knocked him to the floor and Dan proceeded to beat him.
"I'm gonna break my umbrella!"
"I DON'T CARE KEEP HITTING HIM!"
"I like this umbrella!"
"AAggh, Aaahh!" The sea pony was pummeled but recovered. He blocked the humans' blows simultaneously and disappeared in a plume of orange flower petals... or burning embers?
"Great, and he teleports," Dan remarked. One for two on bad guy cliches.
"You said you wanted to take this outside? Alright then, I'm game." Dan and Phoenix spun around. The sea pony reappeared behind them in the doorway! "But two against one is hardly fair, fellas. I'm sure you don't mind me tagging in a friend!" He vanished in a burst of petal-like embers again.
The pair rushed back outside. "If we get to tag in someone, let's tag in Knight or one of the big girls okay?" Phoenix suggested.
"Or just screw this chump's rules and call all three of them over."
Phoenix nodded. "Or... that. That's a good idea, too."
The sea pony appeared across the ruined stage. Once again, he was swirling his tuning fork staff into the air. But this time, Dan and Phoenix didn't have time to react. The purple ball grew to a massive point and then fell like a drop of water, the sea pony summoner disappearing out of the way just as it hit. A potent magic act, indeed.
The drip crackled on the ground, a pool of purple-pinkish liquid. It reminded Dan and Phoenix of when the surface of Equestria was cracking. The world had almost ended. "Get a sponge, quick or something to cover-" Too late.
A column of light rose up from the puddle and exploded. In an instant, the magic substance was dispersed into countless tiny purple sparkles that descended to the ground and faded in twinkling light. In its place was something else, something tall and armored. It was like it had been standing there the entire time.
"GrrrGRAAALLLLLLL!!"
Dan and Phoenix both backed away. "What the heck is that thing?!"
"I... have no idea!" Dan yelled.
"GRAALLLLSSSSHHH." It turned a diamond-shaped eye towards the two of them. And lifted two monstrously-large drills at them.
Ryan-Fontaine Enterprises Industrial Defense Product
Elite "Buster"-class Step Daddy
New Rapture Security Failsafe Armored Enforcer
The creature resembled a man in an armored diving suit colored in dark-blue and purple that had long since mixed almost completely into black. The thing must've been close to 8 feet tall and a pair of industrial-sized drills extended from its hands. A pair of black galoshes were on its feet, line by a neat row of barnacles that looked more like spikes. The drills began to spin.
"GRSSHHHALLLLL!!"
*CLANG* Dan ran up to it and wacked it with his cane. "Eyerrrah-ah-ah-ah!" The resonance vibrated through him from his own blow. The Step Daddy tried to backhand him with his drill, Dan only narrowly ducked to escape it. True to his nature, Dan smacked him again with his cane, this time on the other side. The Daddy's eyes glowed red.
"GRALLLLLLLL!!"
"I think you're making it angrier!"
"Gah!" Dan lunged to avoid the drill. "Okay! We need a new plan!" He backpedaled away from the beast as it lunged towards him, jabbing with its revved-up drills.
"Which plan?"
"Plan RA!"
"Rescue Attack?"
"RUN AWAY!!" Dan ran passed Phoenix and the other human broke into a run to follow him. The Step Daddy chased after them, surprisingly swift-footed for such a heavy creature.
"Hahaha! Priceless," the sea pony remarked, watching it all from the balcony of a roofless cottage. A ball of blue magic whizzed by him. "What?"
"The Great and POWERFUL Trixie thinks you don't have the courage to do your own dirty work!" the showmare, now on top of her ruined stage declared. Although her face was scuffed and her hat and cap scorched, she smirked at the sea pony. "Are you game for round two, invader?"
The sea pony rolled his eyes. "Alright, amateur. Let's see what else you've got."
Trixie grinned. "Oh, you haven't even begun to see what's in Trixie's bag of tricks."
Meanwhile, Dan and Phoenix were busy enacting their latest plan, though plan RA for "Run Away" didn't specify anywhere to run toward. So they were running around the Town Hall. Which is a circular building.
"I. HATE. RUNNING!!"
"Eeeep!" Phoenix jumped to avoid a drill-shot from the Step Daddy.
"Dan! Phoenix!" Mayor Mare appeared out of one of the rear windows.
"Mayor!" the two men yelled.
"We barricaded the front door. We need you to-"
"HOLD THAT THOUGHT!" Dan and Phoenix ran around the corner, still being chased.
Mayor Mare looked at the audience and frowned.
"OKAY GO NOW, MAYOR!"
"HURRY!"
"Dan, we're preparing something that can-" and they ran around the other end again. This cycle continued, so, for your convenience, we're gonna fast-forward this part.
"DanKnightandtheothersareonthefarsideoftown-"
"-weneedyoutobuyustimeuntilweitready-"
"-wethinkitcanwipealltheseaponiesoutinasingleshot."
"So do what you can to slow them down until we're ready. Okay?!"
"We got it, Mayor!" Dan yelled. "To the library, Nicky! RUN!!"
"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING!!"
"GRRRRRRLLLAALLLLLL!!" The heavy, metal stamping of the Step Daddy's boots followed the two closely all the way back to the Golden Oaks Library.
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Im thinking a comedy oversized sprung pressure plate would be useful, but given double drills Im pretty sure it would have a go at ground diving as well given ballistic flight.
Then again, what if the targeting just happens to accidentally slam it into the Seaponies flag carrier?
Good show, Barro, good show
The crazy antics continue.
Happy New Year for 2018 Dan and Friends, Mr Tuxley and Mr Reginald and especially to you honoured Author. Thank you for helping me enjoy 2017 with all sorts of Dan-tastic adventures and I hope to keep reading all about th Jerkclave's exploits throughout 2018
Now where was I? Oh yes: a new Chapter means it's ~Sunday~ wait, what? (Checks date) Oh no! It's been a whole year since my last review?! Forgive me Dantastic Author
Oh well, I shall endure and give this newest chapter the review it rightly deserves. Celestia knows it's a year overdue! ... Yeah, Mum said that joke is old and it's only the 1st lol! Anyway:
Still battling Sea Ponies? Okay. Dan and Phoenix still haven't captured Sea Ponies to use as rides? Sheesh, if this were Golden Axe and the Sea Ponies were Dragons all you'd have to do is knock out their leaders and take the reins yourself! Good grief I miss Sega =_='
Wait, what the what?! Omaigawd they killed Trixie! You b*****ds!!! Oh phew she's safe! Berry Punch being safe is great too ... Okay I'm glad Princess BlueBlood is safe too! Your version is funny and he has ample amounts of wealth to fund the Jerkclave and stuff! Thank you Princess BlueBlood
A super-suited Sea Pony with a magic, pearl-powered tuning fork? Oh fudge, this is gonna be one of those looong pre-boss fight battles isn't it? Loving it
Also, "Scour Squall"? For a sec I thought of Leon from Final Fantasy, pretty sure it's cos squall is something to do with a squall being something to do with rain but a funny thought ... that and it took me forever to figure out his full name was Squall Leonhart too 
moving on:
Elite "Buster"-class Step Daddy? Freakin' sweet! (I'm binge-watching Family Guy while writing sorry!) does that mean Equestria has an alternate version of the Daddy's fragile little wards, the Little Step-Sisters but these ones kick butt instead of being harvested? Meh, all of these freaked me out in BioShock (I watched Let's Plays, never played).
Oh come on! Why do the bad guys get summons and not Team Dan?! If Dan can summon Eevee she'll help him with an Extreme Evo-Boost and Dan'll clean house! ... Or summon an angry Lioness to punch out a few Sea Ponies, seriously I'm gonna deep fry these buckers
Anyway, I agree with Dan! Why should the Jerkclave follow enemy rules when they flout them so freely? Free-for-all Death Match!!!
Phew, that's everything I loved (most) about this chapter! Now for my favourite quotes:
It happened ... it finally happened ... Phoenix has run out of f**ks to give! Excellent (drums claws together Mr Burns-style)
Omaigawd they killed Trixie! You b*****ds! Oh wait she lived, sorry! Berry Punch too (and BlueBlood)!
What-what-WHAT?! Who would dare to use Rule 35 on The Great and Powerful Trixie?! I shall have all their heads
Poor Mayor Mare, the lady deserves a vacation when this campaign is over ... I elect Fluffle as Temporary Mayor
You earned that drink Berry Punch, go for it girl! The show already has Applejack's family publicly making apple cider (which I know it alcoholic) so enjoy
Good grief Phoenix is heading on up Dan's Ladder of Indifference (my own original creation for things that Dan neither feels strongly for or against)! How the buck did the talking calamari know Dan and Phoenix aren't Equestrian Natives?
Urgh, moving on:
Up until Dan explained it I thought Fluffle had named this very effective plan haha
Oh, the surf from the surf n' turf thinks he can out-trick Trixie? No way chump, but thanks for the laugh
I know the situation is stressful Nicky, but hang in there! To quote a great, angry leader: "Vengeance is a dish best served immediately!" and yours will be served ... very, very soon! Promise
Phew, that's everything!
Like always Honourable Author I thank you for this latest chapter of hilarity and violence, and again I apologise for not reviewing in a year. I'm so ashamed
Here's to another year of MLP-themed brilliance, I raise my Pokémon-themed cup to you cos I'm having a cuppa while writing too!
Happy New Year once again for 2018 to you Honourable Author and all my fellow Bronies and Pegasisters!
Awesome as always and I'll catch you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan
^_^
Why am I thinking of Mysterio from spider man?
Blueblood should keep the mustache.
Now I cannot stop thinking about Bonus Ducks for some reason.
Merasmus: Fool! I am here!