Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Wrath: Buck'd Rogers

With the controls now sorted out, the Danfiant cruised through space under its own power. The shields were operational, the engines were working, the ursas had been shaking off and the foodimals had been removed from the bridge. Wreckage from the debris field bounced harmlessly off the shields as the vessel cruised. For a brief moment, Dan and the crew could breathe a sigh of relief.

In Dan's case, literally.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh," Dan said, panting while clutching his chest. He was sprawled out on the captain's chair.

The ECH pulled out a medical tricorder. "Elevated pulse. Normal, given the situation but your blood pressure's a little high."

"Mine is, too," Phoenix said, bracing himself against the helm controls. "But that's normal given the situation." (And these situations have long-since became the normal.)

"If the circumstances were different, I'd admit you all to the sick bay. But, my full attention's needed on the bridge."

"I heard that!" a disembodied voice said. A moment later, it became bodied when the EMH Mk. 2 appeared on the bridge. "Just because you got promoted and I didn't doesn't make me any less of a doctor."

ECH gave him a knowing smile. "Of course. But as I was promoted, I'd like you to at the very least have some amount of respect for the position."

EMH Mk.2 suppressed a scoff. "Don't tell me you want me to call you Captain Doctor now."

"Captain will do fine, Mark-two. Report to engineering. Make sure the automation center's working properly."

Mark-two then gave a real scoff. "I'm a doctor, not an engineer!"

Which made ECH roll his photonic eyes. "And it's that attitude that kept you from being promoted. Engineering."

"Aye... captain." The other hologram disappeared again. ECH then turned back to Dan.

"He's not a bad program but he still has a lot to learn. Wouldn't have lasted a week in the Delta Quadrant."

Dan, however, was having trouble coming to grips with what he was seeing. This was evident by how tightly he was gripping the chair. "NICKY! Call the CMC! The ship is haunted!"

The ECH sighed heavily. "I'm not a ghost; I'm a hologram. And a captain. Weren't you paying attention?"

"No."
"No."
"Nope."
"Nadda."
"No."
"I heard something about ghosts."

The ECH pinched the bridge of his nose and walked around the back of the bridge. Improvising was something he found himself doing quite often. You'd think he'd be used to it by now, but for some reason, it still irked him at times when things didn't go as planned or as programmed.

"Well... welcome aboard the U.S.S. Reliant-R. I'm-"

"It's called the Danfiant now."

ECH pinched his eyes shut again briefly. "I'm the Emergency Command Hologram, ECH for short. Might I inquire as to the whereabouts of the ORIGINAL crew of this vessel?"

Phoenix shrugged. "Your guess is as good as ours. Probably better, even. When we first found this ship, it was being crewed by pirates. And they were trying to kill us with it."

Khan offered a rare comment. "It appears this ship was on a scientific mission... much like its predecessor. Too much so. If I were to wager, I would guess that something happened to it during its voyage. Experiment gone awry, perhaps."

"What kind of experiment?" Twilight asked.

Dan got up. "You know, we DO have something more important to worry about right now- like the guy outside trying to kill us with his super gun."

ECH turned around. "Do people try to kill you all very often?"

"Unfortunately..." Phoenix nodded.

"Well... you're in good hands. Computer, tactical display."

"Acknowledged." The tactical viewscreen finally activated at the front of the bridge. A map of the area around what was left of Equestria appeared on the display. Equestria's moon, the vapor cloud of the planet and the space junk that had orbited it were all displayed in a giant grid.

"We're getting a t.v. like that for the new library," Dan stated.

The Danfiant appeared in the center of the screen, in the middle of the debris field. The junk was still rotating around in an artificial ring, thick enough that it was clearly visible to the eye. The debris had been made from Barro shooting down ships that dared venture close to Equestria to either invade, explore or even observe the planet. They all knew that if they were not careful, they'd be joining the debris field.

Another contact appeared on screen. Red, meaning hostile. And it came right for them.

"That would be Barro," Phoenix said.

"It is," Rarity piped up. "I've got him on the phone line if anyone wants to speak to him. He says he had to stop to make sure the ursas weren't hurt; several of them are quite young."

Phoenix turned around. "He's trying to murder us but he stopped to help the local wildlife?" Rarity nodded innocently. "Terrific," Phoenix remarked. "I just love a compassionate murdering psychopath. I get tired of the cold, creepy ones after a while."

"Me too," Dan said. "And yes! Put him on speakerphone! Moron loves to flap his gums so much, it might just buy us sometime!"

"Oh, I can hear you just fine, Dan," said Barro's voice from the ship's intercom system. "But I'm done talking. You've managed to surprise me a couple of times, so credit where it's due, you blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah-"

"Why is it when someone says they're done talking, that they're never actually done talking?" Phoenix asked. (I'd give real money if he'd shut up.)

"He can outrun us and outgun us," Khan said. "But there is another option."

"Does it involve turning off the intercom system? Because I support that idea," Dan said.

"The Meadowbrook Nebula bearing three-point-five to starboard," Khan said.

"The nebula? That's a terrible idea," Dan said. "Our shields would be useless and we wouldn't be able to see anything."

Phoenix spun around again. "Wouldn't that be a good thing, though? Our shields are already useless. And Barro not seeing us either means he wouldn't be able to shoot us."

Khan smiled. "The odds would be even."

"And that's not how we do things. Twilight! What is it I always say?"

"If you leave the door open again, I'm going to break all four of your legs."

"No, the other thing," Dan said.

"Shut the hell up Redfield?"

"No," Dan shook his head, and then walked over to her. "Never fight fair if you can avoid it." He rubbed the mare's mane, ruffling it.

Khan went back to the science console scanners. "If... that's the case, then, there is an asteroid field further out."

"Aren't those breeding grounds for ursa majors?" Phoenix asked.

"-the weirdest award show I'd ever been at, but to film it was another-"

"Our shields would probably last longer than that fighter's would against those space bears," the ECH said.

Dan shook his head. "That's not gonna work. Do you even know the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field?"

The ECH blinked. "Yes."

"No, no, none of these will work," Dan said. He strode over to the scientific display. All the while, Barro was still rambling on about how he was superior to them all and how they didn't stand a chance, so... that was a thing. At least his attention wasn't on them at the moment.

"-and that's when I told Michael that if he ever bought Miracle Whip again, we were going to have problems, and since then-"

Dan poured over the sensor reading. "Ah HA! Here's something." The sensor control was one of those old 90s-era computer mouse ball things that you rolled to control the cursor. He clicked on something outside even the moon's orbit. The tactical display responded.

"Snowdrop's Comet," Phoenix said, seeing the shimmering ice ball in front of them. "I didn't know it was supposed to pass this year."

"It's going to pass right between Equestria and the moon. We'll ride the debris field right to it and then use its tail for cover," Dan said.

"How is that supposed to work?" Twilight asked. She walked right up to the captain's chair, eyes on the display as she took the chair's arm. "Barro hasn't had a problem blasting anything else so far. Are we sure he wouldn't just shoot us through the comet? Or the debris field?"

"I'm not sure of anything!" Dan declared. "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Make it so, bald guy! Engage, the warp zone, go to hyper-speed and balance my checkbook!"

ECH sighed again. "I don't even know what we're parodying any more."

"Aye aye, Dan." Phoenix gripped the controls and sped up the ship's engines. "We're now at about full speed."

"Impulse power," ECH said.

"Yes. Whatever that is."

"Uh, guys?" Twilight pointed at the screen. "Barro's still coming."

"I can do two things at once, I'll have you know! Like talk and shoot at the same time!" He opened fire, and the space between the two ships suddenly became very hot. The Danfiant pushed onward, debris melting around it as Barro's shots burned space junk into particles.

Author's Note:

I'm aware I'm taking a few liberties with Star Trek. But they're fun liberties to take. And again, this story is about fun first and foremost. Also, because we already have a Doctor with Doctor Whooves, The EMH/ECH Doctor is just going to be referred to as ECH. His young apprentice EMH Mk. 2 will similarly be referred to as Mark-two or EMH or something of the sort.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

M-Who 2?

You wish.

Imma lyin, anna spyin, inna ion.

We are hiding out in the comets tail and hoping the plasma fluctuations messes up his sensors.

Doesnt his main gun use plasma ions boom?

[LadyLeomon]

A new chapter means another weekend is upon us, and I thank you for making mine better with this newest dose of Dansanity (BarroBroadcaster approved)! Now what delights have we this time?

Uhhh are we in a Star Wars parody? Ohhh it’s Star Trek! I always got those confused when I was a kid (still kinda do now, those sucky new ones just remind me of a shinier Star Trek (and I thought the original SW movies were terrible!)

"Aye... captain." The other hologram disappeared again. ECH then turned back to Dan.

"He's not a bad program but he still has a lot to learn. Wouldn't have lasted a week in the Delta Quadrant."

Dan, however, was having trouble coming to grips with what he was seeing. This was evident by how tightly he was gripping the chair. "NICKY! Call the CMC! The ship is haunted!"

Wait, after eveything Team Dan has been through this is what freaks Dan out? ... Makes sense.

Argh Luna darn it! Why is Dan fighting Barro?! They should team up and be an awesome Tag-Team against Vice-Rice, like Avengers but without the useless redhead!

Thank you for this newest chapter and I’ll look forward to the next.

Awesome as always and I’ll see you ~next time~

Your Eternal Fan ^_^

[Razzy]

I have to say, you got the Doctor's mannerism down to pat.