Dressed to Oppress
Dan rolled his eyes. "Oh goody, I can't wait to see what you have planned for us, your flamboyantness." The sarcasm in his voice was not to be missed.
"Ah, I have a fun-filled day ahead for all of us, I assure you. But first," he hit several switches and pulled several steampunk-style levers on the console. The front panel of the golden segway-podium platform flipped back and out deployed a clothes rack. The rack stretched all the way to Twilight's front door, allowing each of them to examine one of the identical items it held. "If you are to accompany me, I must insist that you wear the proper attire."
Chrys levitated one of the outfits closer. "Seriously? You… you really want us to wear these?"
Dan picked one up himself and immediately regretted it. Each uniform was similar in appearance to the royal guard's formal wear but was blue and had oversized jewels placed around the neck, waste, armpits and wherever there was a seam. In fact, instead of being sewn together, the uniforms seemed to be tied together with random gems. Some of them were real, some were plastic and on the one Dan was holding, one of the buttons was a collectible pog of Photo Finish. The fabric was the kind of wool-polyster blend that made petitioning to make the town a nudist colony seem like a better idea than wearing it. But the truly worst feature about the uniforms dominated the center.
"You put your FACE on them?!" Dan yelled, hands shaking as he held the appallingly egotistical cloth. "So you can pretend we're your fsqueeing fan club?! Is there even a limit to your vanity?!!"
Blueblood looked down at Dan. "My dear Captain Dan."
Dan frowned. "Even the way you say my name makes me want to kill you."
"You are representing Princess Blueblood, the highest authority and power of Bluebloodestria."
"Let me rephrase that: literally EVERYTHING you say makes me want to kill you."
"And as such, you must look the part. Your appearance must convey that you are one of the favored few of the court of Princess Blueblood. That uniform marks you as one of my elite, my chosen attaché, my royal guards. To wear it, to even touch it, is among the highest honors in the land," Blueblood said.
Dan looked down at the clothing again. "I feel like I wanna wash my hands just from looking at it."
"Ah, a very good idea, captain," Blueblood nodded. "My reign will undoubtedly be a long one indeed and you'll need to be responsible for that uniform."
"Can I be responsible for strangling you with it?"
Phoenix held up his own 'Blueblood is Awesome' royal guard uniform. (I really hope Blueblood doesn't want me to defend him. Because this thing isn't just a crime against fashion- it's a crime against humanity. Oh gawd… the armpits are… are bejeweled! This thing is a safety hazard!) "Um, your majesty?"
"Yes, Mr. Wri-" A ringing from the console interrupted the prince. "Oh, sorry. I have to take this. Important princess business and all."
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. The stallion picked up a phone that had been installed near the Segway's controls.
"Hello? Yes? Yes, it was most satisfactory. Really?" Blueblood paused, his expression changed. "I see…" he quickly hung up the phone. "My apologies. What was it, Mr. Wright?"
The lawyer held up the uniform a safe distance away from him. "You didn't happen to make these… things… yourself, did you?"
"Oh, of course not," Blueblood batted away the question. "I offered Miss Cheerilee's class the opportunity to design all sorts of new things for the Princess Blueblood Collection. A pair of most prestigious fillies volunteered, saying they would love the chance to work with the new ruler."
Blast Fuse and Blast Powder looked at each other. "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Good thing we never took any jobs from them."
Twilight held up the uniform assigned to her. "Kinda glad Rarity isn't here to see this. I think she'd keel over if she got one good look at these… designs."
"Are you kidding?" Chrys asked. "These things would make Hoity Toity throw up."
Blueblood glared at them. "If you're all finished, I'll wait outside for you to get properly dressed. They're not tailored to each of your individual sizes but I'm sure Princess Twilight knows of the appropriate spell. Do hurry now."
Dan rolled his eyes. "Fine. But I'm having Twilight write "I'm with Prince Stupid" under your picture." The group re-entered the Golden Oakes Library to don their unholy royal vestments. Dan was the first to finish changing, somehow exiting fully-dressed in the uniform the moment after the door had closed behind him through the magic of cartoons. He sported his best contemptuous scowl as he stomped over to Blueblood.
The trans-princesses giggled. "You look… quite marvelous, dear Captain."
"Say that again when I'm wearing your entrails as a necktie."
"Oh, stop, you," Blueblood waved his hoof at the remark. "One doesn't threaten one's superior, not to mention one's ruler."
"You're neither to me or anyone else in this town," Dan said. He climbed up the back of the podium to the top of the segway. "You're a pompous little prick that usurped power while the rightful rulers of this place were gone. No one respects your authority; they're just tolerating you being in charge until Sunkissed and Moonshine get back."
The prince sneered at him. "Well, isn't that obvious? Come now, captain, I might be arrogant but I'm not a dullard. I'm well aware of how ponies view me."
Dan shook his head. "What?"
Blueblood disengaged the controls. Throwing his mane back, the tall stallion walked over to him slowly on the golden segway platform. "I know exactly what others think of me, Dan. They see me as the spoiled rich boy stallion who's lucky he's related in some odd way to Princess Celestia. And they're not wrong. I am vain, I am self-absorbed and I really don't care for others beneath my status. But you know what? I'm one of thousands, Dan. Equestria's full of ponies just like me… even Ponyville."
Dan couldn't believe it. "You… you're aware of all this? And you don't do anything about it?"
"Haha," Blueblood laughed. "I do plenty. I spend extravagantly on useless things made from faraway places, I buy things and services I never use and I hire servants and flaunt my wealth and status at every available opportunity. Do you know why?"
"Because you're a plot hole?"
The prince's smile grew again. "Exactly. My empire is a hole. Because every time a rich person invests in something, donates money or shows any sign of even the slightest generosity, some warlord uses that generosity to harm others. If I throw cash to the masses, they'll kill each other trying to get every single bit. They'll oppress others, buy things and build things to create kingdoms of their own and subjugate everyone under them. And they'll live under a different tyrant's rule, not mine. So we have to keep them down, only letting the special few rise up in a controlled path that minimizes damage."
The human shook his head. "You're not just an asshole… you're insane," he pointed at him. "There are PLENTY of ponies out there that are generous with what little wealth they have! Some have more than you and some have less and they're not greedy illuminati morons! You're making excuses to delude yourself and say you're somehow justified in spending money on garbage and acting like an elitist prick! Sure, sometimes charity is taken advantage of BUT NOT EVERY FREAKING TIME!!"
Blueblood scowled. "My aunt invested in a single project to defend Equestria, donated huge amounts of money to a corporation that was supposed to secure our future. And what happened? They tried to blow up YOUR PLANET, DAN!"
"How do you know that? You weren't there!"
"Ha, royalty has its privileges, remember?" Blueblood said. "I knew about your operation and when you'd be back. That's why I purchased Vice Grip's remaining Magic Gears in Equestria and had them remodel Ponyville. It'll buy us- you- the time you need."
"To what end?!" Dan threw his arms around him. "You've turned Ponyville into L.A! How does THIS help me stop Vice Grip?"
"Look around you! Vice Grip doesn't mess with elitists because they're too self-absorbed to brainwash with false promises! They've already got everything they could ever want! None of the rich snobs are going to buy his junk!"
"EXCEPT YOU'RE WRONG!" Dan jabbed Blueblood with his finger. "ONE RICH SNOB ALREADY DID! There's an amount of wealth you're missing, bub, and it's something that can't be bought! And it's SOMETHING EVERYPONY BUT YOU ALREADY HAS!!"
The prince sneered. "And that is?"
"Friends, for one!" Dan shouted, grabbing at his uniform. "Friends willing to put up with crap like this to help you. Ponies in Ponyville are already wealthy."
"Bah. Everypony has their price," he said, turning his back to Dan. "Even you. You'd sacrifice any one of them for a chance at revenge. Or to get your chariot back."
Dan grinned maniacally. "Except I don't have to sacrifice ANYTHING. They'll help me get revenge AND my chariot back. And if they don't, they'll help me get the next best thing. Because they're my friends. And my backup."
The prince picked up the car phone in his magic. "Quite humorous, captain but your backup isn't here right now. Perhaps I should introduce you to mine."
Stats
Page generated in 0.141 seconds
Total duration
841 users online
1,346,149 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ooooohoohoo, I am loving Dan's dialogue the more I read it, it makes me crack up!
Example:
Can't wait to see Blueblood get what's coming to him!
7046142 Thank you as always, my friend. There's a cameo from the CMC in this episode and also next chapter, the chariot car phone becomes an integral plot point.
7046208
Hahaah, this is hella fun to read, and I am enjoying every step of the journey.
No problem man, no problem!
You deserve more followers dude, legit no lie.
Good luck with the next chapter!
I think I would like to live in this world for, like, twenty minutes.
Awesome update Barro, good work. ~Dollars
Bluuuuuebloooooood... I have some friends I'd like you to meet...
global.fncstatic.com/static/managed/img/fn-latino/entertainment/Springfield%20Angry%20Mob.jpg
coromandal.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/angry-mob.jpg
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/f/fe/Fancy_Pants_leading_an_angry_mob_S5E10.png/revision/latest?cb=20150622211010
Will you join the mob?
Vinyls choice of starting track fo this chapter would be Culture Beat:Mr Vain?
It it my mental disorder that makes me look at this as a near perfect description of politicians and people in power. (We need to give the rich tax breaks because even with all their money they are not investing. Lets take the monetary assistance from the disabled, as they can always work like slave trade illegal immigrants do. For less than minimum wage which is below living wage).
Or does it make me look at it, and Bluebloods reaction. But its been computationally prooved that the old and weak slow the rest down and so should be culled quickly and quietly. After all, its everywhere in nature. Just look at Bewildebeasts and Cragadiles.
You're going to let Dan beat the shit out of Blueballs?
BlueBlood actually has backup?! I'm not gonna like this! am I?
Knock that rich chump's block off Dan!!!
Please, please tell me it's Dan beating Blueblood up until he's black and blue.