Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Rad: An Underground Club With Fights but not Fight Club

First, there was the chanting. Dan hated chanting. Then, there were the bright lights and more loud noises. Dan hated bright lights and loud noises. Then, there was the large underground stadium arena complete with bleachers full of cheering and jeering fans behind transparent walls in a colosseum-like atmosphere. Yes, this is the part where we'd normally write that out, too, but we've done that before and you get it by now. Dan hated that, too.

Over all the noise though, a soft, electronic voice announced: "Round Two: Begin!"

Dan, Rarity and Doctor Whooves couldn't exactly see where they were going. Because they were being held by their limbs and carried through an underground tunnel of some kind. At first, it looked like Stable 4, but then it branched off into something different, something weirder. It smelled like a subway tunnel.

Rarity could have tried to use her magic to escape, Dan could have struggled to get free, The Doctor could have... done something. Probably. But there were just two many Mr. Cap-apble robots. Led by the eternally-cheerful floating television box, Yes-Man, the situation seemed about as unpleasant as it smelled. And then it both simultaneously became worse-looking and worse-smelling.

The robotic mob tossed the three of them into a pen. Wherever they were, the stadium was nearby because they could still hear the incessant shouting. And they weren't alone.

"Well, we haven't been interrogated or tortured. Yet," Doctor Whooves remarked.

Dan looked around. The pen was large, walls were high and topped with transparent paneling. Wall itself was plain steel, went right into the dirt and had thick vertical chains at every interval connecting the pieces of clear paneling. Only one door, no guards or guard tower, floor was dirt. Not good. Such a setup meant confidence in the pen's ability to keep them in, otherwise it would be better guarded.

"Ha! They think this can keep us in? All I have to do is take the ole' Sonic Screwdriver and... and..." And The Doctor remembered he didn't have his Sonic Screwdriver. "Why does reality hate me so?"

"Probably finds you as annoying as I do. Sorry, sorry, we're... trying to be friends now, I get that," Dan said, comforting the bow tie'd pony. "And they obviously think they can keep us in wherever this is. They didn't bother with security cameras, lasers, automated sentry guns or even a single, lousy, incompetent security guard."

"Well, except for Schultz again."

Schultz: I see nooootthhhhhhingggggggggg...

"The others don't exactly seem in a hurry to greet us," Rarity said. Their fellow prisoners seemed to be spread out in the pen, clustered towards the edges.

"Can't say I blame them. Almost seems as if-"

*BLANNG*

"-the fuck?"

Red lights around the cage suddenly blared on. Not flashing, but solid, red lights. Which was never a good sign. Suddenly, the other occupants of the large cell began shifting, panicking as they avoided the center of the room.

"Beginning preliminary selection."

"Well, that sounds terrific," Dan said. And then, three Mr. Cap-apbles descended from the ceiling.

"Hello!"
"Hello!"
"Hello!"

"Oh, crap."
"Rarity, get behind me," Doctor Whooves said.

"Oh, will you relax. Honestly, I bet Rarity could teleport us through these walls," Dan said, examining said wall. "Seriously, just get over here and we'll- AAh! Hey, HEY! GET OFF!" The Cap-apbles apparently selected Dan. "Let go of me you, flying toasters! When I get my hands on all of you, I'll destroy your entire product line! YOU APPLIANCES WILL RUE THE DAY!" Dan continued threatening them as they carried him away, back up into the ceiling hatches.

Rarity and Whooves gulped. "I see now why there's no interrogation. They have, clearly, a much different torture planned."

The marshmallow mare nodded, shaken but recovering. "I... I think Dan might've been right, though. I might be able to teleport us through the cage walls."

Whooves nodded. "I would suggest doing that as soon as possible. Say, now, maybe. Right now. No need to delay."

"I see they picked up the last of the loyalists. Unfortunate," a voice remarked. They turned around to see a trio of humans approaching them, humans they'd noticed before but hadn't really paid much attention to. Perhaps now, helpless and Dan-less, there was no other choice.

"And you are?"

The first man wore a worn gray uniform. Despite its condition, he adjusted the collar. "I am Commander Kelsan, Ferro Kelsan of the Star Destroyer Preceptor. With me are Sergeant Norman Cooper and Staff Sergeant Joseph Hooper." The other two men, Imperial stormtroopers, said nothing.

"You're... you're really with the Empire? The Galactic Empire? The evil one?" Whooves asked, whether intentionally or unable to control himself, no one knew.

Kelsan closed his eyes, frustrated. "We ARE the Empire, yes. And you are both with the local resistance, correct?"

Rarity and Doctor Whooves realized they were the only ponies in the pen. They both nodded. "I guess so."

"And the other new arrival, he was with you?"

"That was Dan," Rarity said. "He's our friend. And he's a royal guard," she quickly added. "Royal personal bodyguard of sorts. But to Twilight. Not to me."

"Where did they take him?" Whooves asked. "Torture or interrogation?"

The Imperial sneered as he looked upward. "That's selection. Your friend's been picked for the arena."

"Arena?"

"The colosseum you passed, they force prisoners to fight in it. For the paying amusement of the crowd and the gamblers," Kelsan explained. He chuckled. "I'm sure it must be quality entertainment. For them."

"Entertainment?" Rarity asked in disbelief. "They're forcing people to fight each other?"

Kelsan laughed again, which made both Rarity and Whooves uncomfortable. "No, not each other. Something far worse." The Imperial officer nodded outside the pen. On a wall above the pen on the outside was a picture. Not a video monitor, not a display screen but... a picture. A magical view of the stadium, which served the same purpose as if it was a colossal flat screen television, but was magic. That fact would have been a clue to them, but they didn't realize it.

---

Dan was dumped onto the ground yet again. The flying multi-armed robots simply dropped him and flew off.

"When I get out of this, I'm killing every robot I see. Every single one of them," Dan said, standing and dusting himself off. He may have been forgetting there were a couple robots he kind-of liked. "And what fresh, family-friendly hell have I been dropped into this time?"

The stadium's bleachers were packed with fans, most of them wearing robes of some kind. Balled fists thrusted into the air with shouts and jeers as the excited noise filled room. The arena's dirt floor was tan with a reddish tinge, either by nature or from the blood spilled on it.

"Oh, I get it... I'm a gladiator now? Is that what this is?"

"Selection is still in process. Please hold all bets until selection is completed!"

Dan looked around. Magical windows showed him standing at the end of the stadium, looking around. If there was an opponent for him, he had not seen them yet.

"ALL OF YOU PEOPLE CAN BITE ME! YOU WANNA SEE A SHOW?! COME IN HERE WITH ME, I'LL RIP YOU ALL APART AT THE SAME TIME!!!" Dan shouted. And that actually made the crowd louder. They cheered more, some even cheered his name. "YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS!!! I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!" Again, they cheered louder, even chanted his name. He ran up to the edge of the stadium and pounded on it in a rage. "STOP BEING EXCITED FOR ME!!!!!!!"

And again, that only made them more excited. Several females, or at least what appeared to be female to Dan, approached him and pressed their metal and glove-covered hands against the glass. Dan didn't know what the creatures were, only that he hated them and for some reason, they loved him for it. Which made him hate them more.

"...You people need help. Very serious help."
"DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN!"
"Stay away from me. All of you."

"Ohhhh ho ho ho, and what do we have here? If it isn't Dan, Equestria's favored jerk in our midst!"

Dan turned around. All the magical screens had changed. High in the center of the stadium, a figure appeared, a dark purple-robed human with a metal mask and huge, triangular pauldrons. He floated in midair and held a huge scepter.

"Our lord Chancellor Rice has sentenced dear Captain Dan to death..." the figure announced. The audience immediately reacted negatively to that news. "What say you, my patrons? Shall we let the arena decide his fate?!" Cheers to that announcement.

"And who are you supposed to be? The phantom of the hobo opera?"

"Hahahahahaha! Foolish Dan..."

"I hate where this is going already."

"I am the Dark Magistrate, ruler of Neo Olde Tokyo! And you have entered my GRAND ARENA where you shall fight to the death for my paying audience!" the figure announced.

"Dark... Magistrate... wait a minute," Dan said, remembering back. "You! Yeah, you're from Steel Samurai!"

"BLAGH! How dare you speak the name of that... that... armor-plated fool!" the Magistrate said, recoiling.

Dan walked up to the center of the stadium. "Not a fan, huh? Well listen, you're not on your show any more, bub. You're in mine. Why don't you come down here and I'll give your crowd something real to see."

"Hahaha... I think not," the Magistrate said. "But fear not, for I do have plenty of other entertainment in store for you. If there are no further objections, let me reintroduce you to one of your old friends, Dan! Oh, Captain?"

Another trio of Cap-apbles descended, this time carrying another human. And it was a human Dan recognized. The Cap-apbles landed him carefully at the opposite end of the arena and one even handed him a shield.

"Stevie? Stevie!" Dan approached his dear friend, Captain America. "Stevie, did they get you to? Oh..." And then Dan realized it wasn't quite his dear friend Captain America, but something else wearing a Captain America suit. "You uh... you've been working out."

"Ree... reee... REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" The 'Cap-thing' shouted, slapping his shield like a drum.

Corrupted Super Soldier/Avenger
Captain AmeREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEca
Elementally-polarized Steve Rogers

"This is gonna be bad."

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Is it a corrupted Steve, or a corruption made up like Steve? Dan could use them to break the arena, or if theres no top on the enclosing walls, Moljnir himself over?

[Barrobroadcaster]

9670338
Corrupted Steve himself, sadly.

[LadyLeomon]

A good evening to you Mr Barro (not joking, really hope you are okay) and I hope you are well this fine evening! I've been to a movie that was okay (seriously what good X-Men movie does NOT have Hugh Jackman in it?!) and now I can finally take a moment to read and review this latest Dan-tastic instalment! So without further ado:

A new chapter means it's ~Sunday~ now lemme see n'ere *dons reading glasses*

Underground Gladiators now? ... Ya know what? Not even gonna question it! Seriously?! What do we even use this guy for?! He forgot the bucking Sonic Screwdriver! Nope, this is fine! Nobody's been restrained so there's still a good chance Dan (with a stylish Summons Assist from Rarity) can win this one! Just-

Corrupted Super Soldier/Avenger
Captain AmeREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEca
Elementally-polarized Steve Rogers

OH COME ON! I don't even care if this is the real Cap or an evil Robot-Clone-Twin-whatever this is just mean! But Dan can still win this! Team Jerk for the win!

My most favourite of this week's chapter is:

"And who are you supposed to be? The phantom of the hobo opera?"

Comedic gold right there Dan

That's everything I loved (most) about this week's chapter, and I'll be eagerly awaiting the next!

Awesome as always and I'll see you ~next time~

Your Eternal Fan =^_^=

[Barrobroadcaster]

9671637

9670338
Originally, the corrupted Captain America was going to be a large, bloated, monstrous ogre-like creature similar to the Mega Censor from Psychonauts but with Captain America's garb. Captain Murica, as the monster was dubbed, would be a gigantic, obese mess that tried to squash Dan and constantly shouted MURICA to the point of it sounding like MAGA. Very obviously, this transformation represents the corruption of greed, excess and pride.

However, Chris Evans, the actor who portrays Captain America in the movies, has been reprehensibly dumb on twitter lately, and unfortunately, I can't even remotely condone something that might support the poor man's deluded views.

So, Captain AmeREEca, a slightly more original idea, came about. Captain AmeREEca represents the modern corruption of America, that of social justice/SJWs, group think, manufactured outrage, double standards, overreaction, intolerance, feminazism and bigotry. Sorry for getting a tad political but hey, at least it will make for a fun boss fight.

[LadyLeomon]

9671667
Yikes ... the only thing that could be worse is if our Cap turned out to a secret Hydra-traitor agent (one of the biggest middle fingers in comic book history imo) ... Uh what did the Cap actor do? I can't imagine our Cap acting un-patriotic in any way! well he needs beating real or not so PUNCH HIM RIGHT IN THE NARDS DAN!!!

Always a Fan Mr Barrom^_^

[Dustchu]

Oh god, what a horrible beast this is, it'll be interesting.

Good show, Barro, good show!

[Razzy]

Laying it on a little thick, eh?