Resort: Dantastic Voyage- Lowlifes on the High Seas
Probably the rarest thing in Equestria occurred in the four days since the All of My Rage had departed Equestrian airspace. For the better part of a week, there weren't any major conflicts involving widespread destruction. For the better part of a week, there was relative peace. RELATIVE peace. Meaning they were actually able to enjoy their vacation, for the most part.
The griffon carrier was big. The size of Cloudsdale's core but shaped like a donut, the vessel had many decks and plenty of space. Trixie performed in the auditorium to a captivated audience instead of a captive one. Her show magic managed to impress the griffons, who decided smoke bombs might be useful for stealing things. There were shows, songs, games and even a raffle.
"Raffle? Hey, you think they accept-"
"No." Barro dragged Michael away from another potentially-expensive mystery.
But the favorite activity, or at least Dan's favorite activity was one that dominated the ship's elaborate transport section: go-kart racing. Near the center and running the circumference of the ship's ring-shaped body was a reinforced tube that connected the cargo and hangar bays with the other decks. This was the transport section. Utilizing a sophisticated system of pulleys, ropes and sleds, cargo and supplies were transferred throughout the ship allowing for quick and easy distribution of loot. Since they weren't looting at the moment, they cleared out this section and put wheels on the sleds, turning them into go-karts.
There weren't many clouds out at sea. There weren't very many clouds that were unorganized across Equestria; species like pegasi used them for various things. Large collections of water vapor were a resource like any other and careful management of them was natural for many airborne creatures. If hurricanes or other large storms cropped up, they were usually dealt with far before they ever came close to landfall.
For hours, the sky was empty as the All of My Rage churned through it, until they spotted something.
"Rays! Flock of rays off the starboard side!"
"Rays!"
"Attention passengers, if you'll look off your right side, you'll see a flock of rays coming in." Ponies and griffons all lined the starboard sections of the ship, anywhere they could get a good view. Some, especially the younger passengers, had never even seen a ray before. Near one of the starboard portholes, Dan held up Spike and the miniaturized Knight to get a better view.
"Thanks."
"Thank you."
"Yeah just don't move around," Dan said. "What're we looking for again?"
"Sky rays," Twilight said. Next to her, Fluffle and Chrys were sharing a pair of fluffy binoculars. "Very peaceful creatures. They fly through the sky on giant rings streaming rays of light behind them. They're very pretty."
"There's one! There's one!" And just as Spike pointed and proclaimed, Dan turned around to see them appear. Flying manta rays, massive in size flew gracefully by them. About half a dozen larger ones led smaller rays, all of them covered in multi-colored, elegantly-patterned fluff. A few of them squawked as they soared by.
"They look like giant flying carpets," Dan remarked. "I think we... haven't we seen these before?"
"Flying magic carpets," Phoenix remarked. (Could that be a connection to the myth of magic carpets on Earth?) The lawyer watched as they glided by. It was nice to see something peaceful, at least, even if it provided another mystery. The lead ray had a giant mustache and a top hat, the others had similar attire.
"These are tropical sky rays," Twilight explained. "They're similar to the woolly rain rays, the smaller ones that visit Equestria sometimes."
"They are... pretty," Dan admitted. Sky rays were a rare sight in Equestria because they normally dwell in the upper atmosphere. Sea-fairing sky rays were more common because they liked to bathe and play in sea-forming storms and showers. As their name suggested, they were similar in appearance to manta rays from the oceans of Earth, only flying instead by trapping air in their special fluffy wings.
Some pony scholars theorized that the rays evolved special patterns and extra fluffy plushness in order to be snuggly towards dragons. This supported the notion that some species in Equestria developed adorable traits in order to be too cute and cuddly for predators to eat. Evolution as a theory was only half-accepted in Equestria because it was only half-true; some creatures evolved, like Pokemon, and others were accepted as having been created by the Fausticorn. Either way, dragons officially denounced the notion of cuddling with any creature, though some evidence, like the occasional piece of shed fluff on a dragon has led to some speculation that most dragons were too shy to admit it.
"Thpp-thpp! Thppp-thppp!" I wanna snuggle one! Dan, can we adopt one?
"Awww," Chrys said, "Does Fwuffle want to hug a ray?" Fluffle nodded and raspberried emphatically. "Dan, you think we can lure them to Ponyville for Fluffle?"
"Those things are gigantic! They'd block the shots of the ion cannons. Among other things," Dan said. "You think the pegasi want a bunch of flying shaggy rugs cluttering up Cloudsdale?"
"I dunno, Rainbow and the others seem fine with them," Twilight remarked. Dan and the others turned back to the portholes to see Rainbow Dash, Daring and Derpy playing with several of the smaller rays. Rainbow chased a group of them around one of the larger ones while Fluttershy brushed the mustache of the largest one. He appeared to enjoy it, and tipped his hat to the yellow pegasus.
Fluffle's hopping continued. "Dan, she really wants one."
"Thpp." Twelve.
"Fine," Dan conceded. "But she's going to clean up after them." He sighed, but smiled. "We spoil her sometimes, don't we?"
"Yes we do! Yes we do, don't we Fwuffle? Who's mommy's good girl?" Chrys grabbed her fluffy cheeks and squeezed them. She squeed in response. "It's just impossible to say no to her."
"We'll see about doing something with them AND the foodimals AFTER the vacation," Dan declared. "Speaking of food, who's hungry?"
Meals were served in the mess hall, which was converted into a dining hall when it became apparent a few like Dan and Blueblood weren't going to be satisfied with just the regular treatment. Griffon waiters dressed in hastily-made fancy suits served fancy dishes to the passengers. They were really the same meals they had back at Ponyville and Cloudsdale; they were a ship of war and had provisions from town, not a five-star restaurant. But they dressed things up immaculately and managed to impress many, including Dan. Dan was a person that appreciated detail, so dressing up something simple and adding the slightest flair to it was impressive in his book. Also, he was picky at times. Really picky.
Dan leaned back in his cushioned folding chair. "Ahh, now that's a good toasted hayburger. What were those little green things on the top bun?"
"Freeze-dried chives that somepony didn't want on a baked potato," Gust replied. Captain Clutch, his second-in-command was watching the bridge. "We scraped them off with a butter knife onto your hayburger. Because you wanted it "fancy-style."
"Ah, yes, indeed," Dan said, licking his fingers. "Quite delectable. Wouldn't you say, guys?"
"Eeyep!" from Twilight.
"Thpp," from Fluffle, which meant needed more ham.
"Yep," from a cheerful Chrys and
"Yes. No objections here," from Phoenix Wright. (I wonder if I can get Maya to try hayburgers instead of regular burgers. Might save us some money.)
"See? The gang loved it. Our compliments to the chef," Dan said, hands behind his head.
"You're welcome," Gust said, deadpan, because he was wearing a chef's hat. He headed back to the kitchen. "At least you didn't want the chicken sandwich!"
"That's on the menu tomorrow!" Dan called back.
The dining hall wasn't just for dining. There was also some live music, courtesy of the Wynd Chymes, the trio of female pegasi vocalists that repatrioted from the Enclave. As the night went on, they even had some karaoke and finally Dan felt the call of the stage and got up and retold some of his favorite stories. It was a pattern that continued with every meal, which disturbed and discomforted almost everyone who heard them. Some of Dan's favorite stories include:
1. That I found out what was causing that rash.
2. That time I thought I killed someone(volumes 1-37, the number of times Dan thought he killed someone.)
3. The time I was kicked out of a satanic church.
4. The time I was kicked out of a monastery.
5. The time I was kicked out of a satanic monastery.
6. Actually, the last three were the same place. But it changes venues sometimes. They said it was 'seasonal.'
7. That time I impersonated the Emperor of China.
8. That time I was detained in Australia.
9. This one time I ate cajun boiled peanuts with the Wisdom Cube(or possibly the Wisdom Cube's cousin.)
And 10., The time I was accused of assassination.
There were more, but he only got to ten- breakfast, lunch and dinner over the three days and then an extra one when they had desert. After the tenth one, they started bribing other acts to take the stage so Dan would have to stay seated.
"Why are all of your stories so violent?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Awww, isn't she cute?" Dan said, ruffling her mane.
"She is cute," Chrys agreed.
"That doesn't answer my question..."
"She looks just like a filly version of Knight," Dan remarked. Knight, who was right next to her, looked identical to Sweetie Belle except was chrome-plated.
"Sweetie Belle was the basis of my original design."
Sweetie gasped. "Ohmaigawsh! Does that mean... we're sisters?!"
"I am an artificial defense construct built in your likeness and programmed with data taken from recordings of you and your friends in order to better learn and engage in social behavior and interactions."
"I have no idea what you said but I'll take that as a yes!" Sweetie grabbed Knight and hugged her tight, grinning hugely and throwing her head back as she did so.
"Yay." Knight was happy with some breaches in logic, especially when they involved hugs and cupcakes. She hugged back tight.
Something cracked in Sweetie's back. "HHEEEENNG! Too... tight..."
"Sorry."
The vacation continued. They visited a few islands, some of which were sparsely populated by ponies but few had seen any sign of the sea ponies. Many were on vacations themselves. Coastal and island communities weren't affected by much of the war because of their isolation, but they did know the princesses were missing. Coconuts and tropical and citrus fruits were their main contribution to Ponyville and greater Equestria during this trying time, and Twilight made sure these smaller communities knew they were appreciated. Dan was mad at them, accusing most of them of being beach bums while the rest of them fought a war, but they made him a pie and created a sand sculpture of him saving Equestria with a shovel so he forgave them.
After heading south, the All of My Rage turned west and headed off the coast of the badlands. They had to pass over the land briefly, but got back to cruising speed once they reached the beginning of the Easy Sea.
It was no secret that Dan was using the vacation as an excuse to find out more about the sea ponies. But after a week of cruising, they had found no sign of the sea ponies. The Easy Sea was the Equestrian version of the Pacific and stretched out just as far. For all of them, it was mostly uncharted territory.
"The Gallop-And-Go Islands are near here," Twilight said, pointing at the map. "That's as far west as anypony has ever traveled. That I know of, anyway."
"It's as far as most griffons have traveled, too," Gust said, leaning casually on the bridge's bulkhead. "Almost nobody comes out here, so there's not much to steal," he grinned.
"Really now," Chrys raised an eyebrow. "I'd have thought a dashing pirate like you would've had some kind of buried treasure out here."
"Yeah, that whole 'buried treasure' concept is fictional, bug ladybro. Pirates don't bury treasure; we keep it," Gust explained. "Sometimes, we sleep with it. Sometimes, we try swimming with it. But we don't sail out to the middle of nowhere to bury it. If there's trouble, we just sail as far away from it as we can. Or we leave it with a friend. But we don't bury it."
"So all these treasure maps you have with X's that mark the spot don't really mean anything?" Phoenix asked, carrying a bunch of rolled-up scrolls.
"PUT THOSE BACK! THOSE ARE MINE! IT'S ALL MINE!" He lunged at Phoenix and the pair collapsed in a pile of treasure maps. Pirate's life.
"Most of those maps are of the Caring Sea, anyway," Twilight remarked.
"Hmmm. Hmmm!" Dan rubbed his chin, contemplative as he looked at the map. "Can we... get closer to the surface of the water?"
"Sure we can," Clutch said. She sauntered around to the helm. "How low you wanna go?"
"Put us on the water. Can we do that?"
"Not a problem," she said, adjusting the controls. "We'll be a bit faster on the water, too, because we can put more power into the engines."
Clutch was a pink griffon and about three times curvier than the average griffon, a quality that none of the male griffons hadn't appreciated and that none of the female griffons hadn't envied. Naval missions were long times away from home and she understood her role very well, having signed up for it. She was also very good at what she did and was particularly cunning and bloodthirsty, not shy about getting her talons dirty when she needed to. The other griffons weren't unattractive themselves, especially Becky and Chelsea when they weren't fighting, but it was Clutch's capability as an officer that had seen her promoted rather than her feminine qualities.
"Take us to the surface, Captain Crunch."
"It's Clutch."
"And get me Vinyl and Octavia up here," Dan said, grinning. "I have an idea about how we can chart some of this uncharted territory."
"Great, I'll call Sully and Nathan Drake," Redfield said.
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Lets see how the sea ponies like a heavy high speed WIGE causing repetative subsonic abyssal compression pulses.
And then theres Vinyls Bass Cannon causing cavitation due to acoustic focusing.
Ayyy, hehehe, that ending part tho, good stuff!
Nicely done, nicely done 
Another week has passed and now I can end it in the manner to which I am most happy with! A new chapter means it's ~Sunday~
one lemme see here *dons reading glasses*
Okey-doke, we're still in the beginnings of the latest Vacation Stage of this Campaign ... Credit to Gust, the All my Rage sounds like it's decked out to the max! Yay for toilet ships!
Sky Rays? They sound adorable (or majestic in the case of their moustachioed leader)!
Naww Fluffle's getting a new friend and this one will be (almost) as huggably-fluffy as she is! This is ... just ... too ... fluffy! The yays have been doubled
(seriously we need a Luna emoji!)
Dinner in a dining hall? You see! All doubters take note; Dan makes everyone want to better themselves! Even the most annoying, chicken-flavoured ones (I can only assume this part)m and those suits are a nice touch too!
Finally the comparison between Sweetie Belle and Knight has been made in person and now we have ... The Sisters Knighty
(for Barro's sake don't break her Sweetie!)
Oh thank Faust! I thought there were going to be the Pony version of Beach Bums for a sec! Phew
... Gust does have a point, I never really got the point of burying treasure. Depending on where it was buried it would possibly be washed away (normally I'd see pirates bury the treasure on beaches so one good storm could get rid of it all), the land could change via volcano/earthquake etc basically making the map they drew useless, they could just lose the darn map or another pirate wanting to bury his (or her) own loot could find your loot and bury it somewhere else. Just too many things could go wrong here ... still doesn't explain why Gust has all these maps if they're as useless as he claims ... meh *shrugs*
Dan wants Cap'n Clutch (I just love her by the way!) to get Vinyl and Octavia? ... Gonna make a prediction right here Mr Author. They will use their combined musical talent as sonar to hunt for Sea Ponies ... am I close? Can I haz a cookie?
Now for my favourite quotes:
Hi Mr Barro! Hi Michael! You'll win that golf bag one day
Aww! Who wouldn't spoil Fluffle every chance they got? Uh, wait a sec they're in a ship full of Ponies, Griffons and whatever else who probably don't know what they are ... where are the Foodimals?
I reallyhope Gust appreciated the moment Dan complimented his cooking ... right before Dan mentioned a chicken sammich was next on the menu
... While all of these stories sound awesome and worthy of their own chapters ... how the hell can a monastery be satanic? Those are just place for monks to learn to be monks right, not like a church or a synagogue ... no real religious stuff goes on there, right? So pretty sure they were liars when they told Dan it was a monastery, nevermind a satanic one!
Also I'll just say that Emperor must have been a handsome chap, Dan! Australia has incredible security measures that out my country's to shame and ... who did they accuse you of trying to ice? Cos if Dan did do it, then it got done!
I just love this name, nuff said!
Again, Gust raises valid points (even though it'd have to be a pretty awesome, pirate friend to not risk them stealing your loot or just a non-pirate friend in general) ... Gust just tells how useless maps are then attacks Phoenix for touching his maps? I get Phoenix really should have asked first before touching but still!
Also ... Caring Sea? If this is a reference I just can't get it! My brain refuses to work
Again, I love this new lady Griffon and again I say they will use Octavia and Vinyl's musical talent for sonar, amiright?
Are these two musicians? Cos I swear I know the name 'Nathan Drake' but have no idea who the heck Sully is ... also ... Redfield
who invited him on this vacay?!
Phew, haven't done this in a while but that's everything I loved (most) about this week's chapter!
Like always thank you for making my week Dan-tastic Author, (I completely forgot to ask last week, where did the title come from?) and I'll eagerly look forward to more hijacks on the high-seas (cos they're in a ship up high over the sea, get it?) next week.
Awesome as always and I'll see your ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan
^_^
That bit with Fluffle wanting the rays made me think of a scenario for her.
Thanks to the mlp comics, we know they have a Disneyland in Equestria (Whinny Land). I see Dan and Chrys taking Fluffle there and going on every ride until they barf twice. (Someone please get the reference). Afterwards, when they get home, they tuck Fluffle in bed with a Whinny land hat and her foodimals and rays. Dan and Chrys, at the doorway, look at her like proud parents as she sleeps and close the door. Then, they say something stupid like "That ice cream thing is still f*yay*ing creeping."
Well, it is.
8805519
It is... and yet people want it. And as I said, I'm almost obligated to add them in the story and other things from the blogs as well. I enjoy most of them, but it isn't always easy.
And Fluffle has theme park ambitions of her own.
8805519
Sully and Nathan Drake are actually characters from the Uncharted video games. They find treasures, it's pretty awesome. It's good to see a lengthy review again! I hope that means things have relaxed for you at last, dear Lady. The foodies, like all cute things, are pretty much protected and will always magically pop up wherever they need to be. Because Equestria wants it that way.
And yes, Vinyl and Octavia's talents as acoustic engineers IS going to be used. People have been very smart to make that connection.
D'awwww, sky rays!
I love Clutch.
No, don't call them! It guarantees that something will collapse, capsize it explode!
8806671
It's her job to be loved... in more ways than one. Not just her, but her 'assets' pretty much make her top hen.
8805923
uh, i think this comment is for someone else.
8807719
It was, posted a second one and he got it. We good!
Man those fluffy rays sound cute. Glad Ponyville has adopted one, apparently they are an excellent defense against crocodile hunters.
Gust indulging Dan's need for faux-fancy was also hilarious. In some ways he can be as picky as Blueblood.
8809252
They don't have spears as tails, though. Their bodies are composed entirely of fluff. Originally, the woolly rain ray was slated to make an appearance along with the hippies during the occupation of Fort Jerk. Cut for time. Yeah, this story would actually be about twice as long if we didn't have to cut things. There's more unpublished chapters detailing things that have happened on Earth that aren't ready to be released, bonus chapters including boss fights, an entire character named Friendly NPC who was supposed to join Dan as he fought in the war, kind of a reference to red shirts.
There's also Nightshade, Lightning's brothers, the Wonderbolts' private guerrilla war and a lot of other stuff. Originally, the Mini Gears were meant to show up as a gift to Dan from an anonymous source and Knight would have just popped out of the box after having reconstructed herself.
Also, thought of you when I added the rays in this chapter, especially the one with the mustache and top hat. I thought giving them more accessories would make them cuter since my readers seem to like that.
8809327 I can confirm we do indeed like cute mustaches and top hats on things. Also Sweetie-Bot hugging Sweetie Bell half to death.
8809350
Yes, and the remarkable thing is that with advancements in robotics, Knight could realistically become real. We can build the body, program her, maybe not as a full A.I at first but give her the ability to learn and behavioral traits.
This story is... outlandish. But there's a lot more of it that's real or based on real things than people realize. Myself and Michael are obviously real people and there's a lot more that's just closer to reality than many would first assume.
Wait what? How is Derpy playing with the sky rays if she's in Ponyville?
Continuity error!
9304968
True but imagining her with the rays is just too adorable.