Boba was a serious bounty hunter. He didn't laugh at the sight of one of his rivals, one of his competitors, being transformed from a merciless, murderous assassin machine into a somewhat cute-looking mechanical pony. He knew that whatever form IG-88 came in, he could be deadly.
So instead, Dan laughed for him. "Bffffaaahahaha. HAHAHAHAA! HAAAA!"
*Brrrrzzz-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!* And IG-88 responded by opening fire.
Cap dove in front of the oncoming fire and raised his shield. Red beams hit the shield and exploded, hammering Cap's shoulder as he leaned into the blows. Unlike other energy weapons, IG-88's blasts were not reflected or deflected by the curved vibranium. The energy was especially volatile and designed to cause detonation on impact, part of IG-88's strategy when in close quarters.
A strategy his competitor, Boba Fett, was all too familiar with. He jetted over Captain America and fired off a jetpack missile. IG-88 shot the missile in midair, causing it to explode close enough for Cap to feel the heat. The assassin droid was perfectly lined up to continue tracking Boba Fett as he flew through the air, even after using the missile as a diversion.
Except Boba Fett wasn't flying.
Even before the missile exploded, Boba cut his jetpack's jets and dropped to the ground. He rolled forward into a crouched position that brought his rifle to bare for the perfect shot in a single, fluid motion. As the fire of his own missile washed harmlessly over his head, he squeezed the trigger.
*Ching-ching-ching!*
And they bounced harmlessly off the droid's own shield.
"AMUSING, CAPTAIN FETT. BUT ONCE AGAIN, MY TECHNOLOGICAL ENHANCEMENTS FAR SURPASS YOUR OWN BARBARIC TECHNIQUES. I CONTINUE TO ADVANCE WHILE YOU REMAIN THE SAME FLAWED BIOLOGICAL YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN."
"I've never needed to be anything more to beat you," Boba said, rising to his feet.
"HAHA! Nice! Nice one. Uh, Stevie, Steve, hey... uh, please move to the side, I'm trying not to look at you."
"Right, yeah, sorry."
But the same could not be said for the crowd, nor the jumbotron images which displayed the slime-soaked Captain America in all his naked glory. Fangirls and fanboys of that persuasion drooled and hooted in an uproar over the nude avenger. They would've noticed Steve blushing if his face wasn't mostly covered in magenta goop.
The Dark Magistrate shook his head. "Alright, fine. Captain America, since this isn't the kind of 'show' we're wanting to broadcast... at least not with this content rating, anyway. So, although we're possibly eliminating a marketing opportunity, we're going to have to give you clothes."
"Hello!"
"Hello!"
A pair of Mr. CapApbles swooped down to clothe the naked Cap.
"Presto!"
"Finito!"
In orange body paint. And then they flew away again.
"This is not better. NOT better," Dan decried.
The CapApble robots descended again. Curiously, they dressed him this time in a garb that Dan immediately recognized. Steve, however, just immediately recognized they were a little small on him.
"Uhhh..."
"HEY! Those are Nicky's clothes!!!" Without warning, Dan jumped on the nearest Mr. CapApble robot as it ascended. It carried him back up into the darkness of the rafters.
"Nicky's clothes... oh," Cap remembered. "Phoenix's clothes. And his hair, too." Captain America had been Phoenix-ized, for lack of a better term. Unfortunately, Cap and Phoenix, though tall, had different clothing sizes. Cap usually had to wear tailored clothes or stuff without sleeves because muscles, while Phoenix purchased most of his clothes from Big John's Shirt and Tie Barn on Earth and Carousel Boutique on Equestria.
A stray blaster bolt forced Cap to raise his shield. Rip went the armpit of one of Phoenix's iconic blue suit. "Well... shit."
Boba Fett continued firing on his bounty hunting rival. Although a pony, IG-88 was still as deadly as ever with his blaster shots. As Boba got closer, the droid deployed a pulse cannon from its back.
*Chu-chu-chu-chu-chu-chu-chu* Pink balls of energy sprayed at Fett. He jet-dodged left, leaving the spheres to explode on the ground behind him.
"YOUR PERSISTENCE WILL GAIN YOU NOTHING. THERE WILL BE NO INTERFERENCE FROM RENDAR, REBELS OR THE EMPIRE TO SAVE YOU THIS TIME."
"There's no reason for you to bring up Dash. It's only proof there's more than one person that's scrapped you," Boba said. Banter was an important part of bounty hunting, apparently, especially when it came to mocking rivals.
IG-88p stomped forward. He was no Magic Gear; the metallic parts of the adapted Hallowan Mechanical robot weren't built based on an organic frame but rather just basic locomotion. As such, he was able to keep himself steady easier than a biological biped but moved even slower than when you fight him in the junkyard on Ord Mantell. Good times.
The droid fired again as Fett roared over. As the IG-88 pony was forced to look up, he failed to notice, even with his 360-degree photoreceptors, small rock-like devices Boba Fett dropped near him.
"YOUR TIME IS UP, BOBA FETT. AFTER I DISPOSE OF YOU, NOTHING WILL STAND BETWEEN ME AND THE BOUNTY ON THE JEDI HERE. YOU WILL DETAIN ME NO FURTH-" *click*
The ground beneath IG-88's hooves exploded. The assassin droid was sent hurtling through the air and landed hard on its side some ways away. Once again, IG-88 did not make the best pony. His damaged limbs scraped the sand weakly, trying to stand. Boba engaged his jetpack again, flying towards the fallen machine, intent on deactivating it permanently.
But Captain America beat him to it. The shield came down and split IG-88's head casing open from the top.
"I WILL... RISE... AG-kzzttt... GAIN..."
"And I will knock you down. Again." Boba shot what was left of his head off. The crowd cheered, almost as loud as they had for nude Cap. Nude famous characters were crowd-pleasers in every dimension; I don't make the rules.
But the Dark Magistrate does. "What's this?! Over already? This is what I get for allowing a three-on-one! Should've gotten Ultron and that Cylon to team up with Iggy." Blaster bolts shot up from the ground, forcing the Magistrate to hover back to the shadows above. Which is where Dan was waiting.
"RAAA!" Dan jumped on the metal-masked villain and grabbed on with both hands. They both dropped like a stone to the ground below. Fortunately, a pair of Mr. CapApbles were there to slow their fall, but they smashed the robots on the way down and collided hard with the floor. Still, not as rough as a straight fall.
Cap and Fett ran over to where Dan and Magistrate fell, shield and rifle raised respectively. The Dark Magistrate threw Dan off him and raised his cloak in time to block blaster fire from Fett's rifle.
"Interference!! No attacking the host!!"
Dan lunged at the Magistrate again but his aim was low. He grabbed the lower part of the Magistrate's cloak and as he came down, so did the villain's pants.
Boba Fett immediately stopped firing. Dan looked up to see something else he didn't want to see.
"Steel Samurai?" Dan thought. "Wait...
"How dare you! Fool! Only an dishonorable warrior hits below the belt!"
Dan remembered something. "I know that pair of underwear!" Cap quirked an eyebrow at him. To which Dan called, "Stevie! Mask! Boby, rope!"
Before the Magistrate could fully spin around to counter them, Boba Fett had fired his whip cord at him and tied him up. Captain America jump-slammed his shield onto the villain's face making a metallic clang as metal connected to metal. The Magistrate hit the ground again, limbs bound.
And Dan grabbed his mask. "You know you shouldn't be doing this," Dan said.
"You fools will never win! Your judgment is nigh!"
"But you're not the judge," Dan said. He pulled off the mask to reveal Phoenix Wright underneath it. "You're the attorney."
Holy feather this fic is still going
Apologies for the delay in reading and reviewing Mr Barro (I am super behind watching the Pokémon VGC Battles, still making my way through 2016 every chance I get haha, just decided to say enough for now and check in with Dan and Friends). So without further ado:
A new chapter means it’s ~Sunday~ now lemme see n’ere *dons reading glasses*
By the *SQUEE*ing Fausticorn! I had honestly forgot we got Stevie back and-he’s naked ... I am equally appalled and happy ... ah c’mon! Cap’s nice to look at even in full Cap’n America getup!
Ooookay wow ... just realised Dan has gone for 1 and a half series stone cold sober (1 full 3 Season series of his own and we’re still in Season 1 here) ... respect!
Holy Hellsing, I forgot Boba is on our side right now, stock up on that soup in advance Dan! (PSee kids? Sharing is (nearly) always a good thing!
BH SWEET CELESTIA AND LUNA’S NON-CANON MOTHER! WE GOT NICKY BACK!!! ... but I think he’s brain-scrubbed like Cap was ... someone must die for this (if not Vice/Rice then that Magistrate
Now for my favourite quotes:
Hah! Again I have a crapton of respect for the SW dude! (Not a fuckton yet, but close!)
Am I the only one who finds it equally funny and charming that Dan is embarrassed by human nudity? He’s a dude who loves ladies sure (black, quadrupedal, chitinous ones to be specific) but I just find this moment very cute! Ain’t no one wanna see their bestie naked!
Hmm ... what was I gonna say? What’s the look for?! ... i admit to nothing!
... please disregard what I said about the Magistrate! Kill whatever evil buck brainwashed our Nicky
Dan vs Phoenix Wright (purely a spiritual title) is next right? In the beginning this would’ve been hilarious back when Dan was jealous of Nicky! But they’re besties!!! Save your best bro Dan!
Phew and that’s everything I love (mot) about this week’s chapter!
Like always I thank you for my weekly reset (even if it did One-Hit-KO my Feels quicker than a Zap Canon following a Lock-On while holding a Scope Lens)! Another epic chapter and I’ll eagerly await th next!
Awesome as always and I’ll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan =^_^=
P.S I’m red-faced cos it’s hot my side! Naked Stevie has nothing to do with it!
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Yep, our favorite attorney has been brainwashed by our least-favorite mad scientist. I mean, if you think about it, has Vice or Rice had even a single success? His Magic Gears were basically giant ripoff Metal Gear-versions of SweetAI Belle, all his other tech are only imitations of magic spells and all of his doomsday plots have backfired, except the latest one when he Thanos-snapped Twilight, Chrys, Fluffle and all the ponies and griffons on Dan's side and made them prisoners. Except for Dan, of course.
As I've said before, pretty much every magic spell, every magic thing, every rule that can be applied to everyone else doesn't quite work the same with Dan. It doesn't mean it doesn't work entirely, just that it's different for Dan. So when Rice snapped everybody, Dan was...
Well, you'll find that out soon enough
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Since I imagined Dan fighting Snowflake/Bulk Biceps, to be honest. Also, I think Snowflake or Roid Rage was a better name for him than just Bulk Biceps. Either way, part of this had to be added as a standard "don't do drugs" PSA.
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Yep.
Dan got snapped apright, Hes been too calm. Angry Dan has Fists Of Totality and wouldve punched IG88 into orbit.
Solar orbit.
Fucking lol I love this fanfic, good show again!
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It loves you back. Unconditionally. No one could ever take the place of Dashie. Dustchu x Dashie ship when
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Yaaaay~ Hopefully soon, idk tbh
Okay, ig-88 read weirdly adorable.
Holy plot twist, Batman!