Interlude Part 2: Wonderstruck
Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship is filmed before a bribed studio audience.
Prosperity Base, Northern Equestria
FIST's mountain fortress was so well-defended that the Enclave didn't maintain constant air patrol over it. Sure, there would be a few patrols to keep up appearances and so the pegasi had something but the base was so remote and guarded that none of the ponies there anticipated an attack. So, when three pegasi in power armor landed on the running and walked towards the base's main cargo hangar, the few ponies that did see them didn't see them as suspicious.
The three pegasi in question were not used to wearing power armor but they had practiced. In a single-file line, they marched as best they could, right up to the base's front doors. The pegasi at the rear actually ran into the one directly in front of him but quickly regained composure. The trio stood in front of the door and the lead one stomped her hoof four times. She then let out a low whistle, audible from her helmet's mouthpiece. For a moment after, everything was quiet.
All three of them stood rigidly. There was nothing but silence all around them apart from the occasional bird chirping. They were beginning to wonder if something had gone wrong, if they'd been sold out. Just when they were about to turn around and leave, the massive doors opened. Relieved, they quickly walked through.
They marched into the hangar. The sides of the huge building were series of catwalks with indentations on the floor. Each one was a station for a Magic Gear, a maintenance and deployment bay. Many of them were empty; Blast Fuse and Blast Powder's intervention in the Crystal Empire had tolled the destruction of the bulk of Vice Grip's Magic Gears. The ones that remained were the ones that he'd left behind or new ones made since then. But there were only few, some still under construction.
This was exactly what they had come here to confirm: Vice Grip didn't have the resources to build more Gears. There were a dozen or so of them, still deadly but none had Sword Spells equipped. Vice didn't have the horsepower or machine power to take on both Earth and Equestria simultaneously; the Gears had been meant to take out both. With them gone, he was forced to change tactics. Which is why the three of them had come there and infiltrated his base. They were going to kick him while he was down right where it hurts.
"Which one?"
The lead pegasus looked around. She quickly examined each gear while still walking towards the back of the room. "The blue one on the south side."
"Got it."
If the brief exchange was heard by anypony, recorded by anything, they wouldn't know what they were talking about. Until it was too late. They continued marching until they reached an elevator in the back. The three took the elevator and traveled to the different sub levels of the base. Each got off at a different sub level. None of them said a word; they knew what they had to do.
Prosperity Mainframe: Access restricted to Administrator Level Z
User: ********
PM: Invalid entry. Beginning system lockout.
User: ********
PM: Invalid entry. Lockout imminent.
User: ARIA [Enter]
PM: Access granted. Command?
User: <Command> : Master Override: Set all Safety to [Off]
PM: Processing…
…
Task completed: All safety systems are offline.
User: <Exit>
PM: System closed…
...
Miami Vice Grip is filmed before lunch.
Prosperity Base
Sublevel 2- R&D Main Lab
Vice Grip was a very smart pony. He had to be smart because he was fighting the combined intellect of ponies on Equestria and humans on Earth. Not to mention the two humans in Equestria, though he didn't exactly consider Dan or Phoenix Wright to be his intellectual peers. They were savages, not worth bothering with. Unfortunately, Dan also happened to be the only known link to Earth so Vice couldn't exactly just get rid of him. But he had made the mistake of underestimating the humans, the arcanists and their friends. That would not happen again. This time, he would deal with them the proper way- with his superior intellect, superior technology and superior firepower.
He continued tinkering in his lab. He researched things, studied and duplicated various spells. If things were different, Vice might've been seen as a genius. A few months ago, Vice used his Magic Gears to harness the power of the sun. Just a few weeks after that, he became the first earth pony to ever teleport without the use of a spell. Just a few weeks ago, he had repaired Lightning Claw's horn before fully brainwashing him and erasing his memory. Soon, there would be no feat of magic, science or any combination of the two that could not perform.
Lightning Claw's memories had been removed and stored in a hallway next to the bathrooms on Sublevel 4. Just as Luna had copied Dan's memories, Vice Grip had found a way to extract and display Lightning's memories on a bank of flatscreen televisions stolen from a BestBuy not far from where Elise's parents lived. Vice still needed Lightning to fully understand how the Elements of Harmony worked. That was the truth of why he needed Lightning and his "brothers." And he had learned much from them. Still, Lightning had betrayed him and so punishment had to be dolled out. He would not be betrayed again, he decided.
That was when the alarm started blaring.
*Beeeew- VRAAAAN- VRAAAAN- VRAAAAN- VRAAAAN-*
"What?! Ohhhh SH!!!!T!" he dropped what he was doing, tools hit the table, rolled off and fell to the floor. An automated voice began announcing through the speakers:
"Warning: Reactor core temperature reaching critical levels. Safety systems not responding. Please evacuate."
Vice burst out of his lab into the sub level corridor. The lights in the hall were red, spinning klaxons on the roof and glowing arrows on the floor all advised whoever saw them to head to the emergency exits. The laboratory level was usually reserved to Vice and a few chosen technicians but at the moment, he should've been the only pony there. But he wasn't.
Two other ponies, pegasi exited the room across from his. They appeared to be wearing what looked like elaborate gowns, one gold and one white. For a moment, the three just stared at each other.
"Captain Springer?" Vice asked, seeing their faces from between the flashes.
"Um… hi, sir," the captain said. She gave a meek salute.
Vice squinted. "Spinner?"
"Heya… sup, boss?"
"The buck are you two doing down here? What… what are you wearing?"
The two exchanged glances. "This… this looks worse than it actually is."
"Is that… are you wearing part of the solar canvas?"
"No, of course not," Spinner said reassuringly. "We're wearing all of it."
"We, uh, well… you know how there's the Grand Galloping Gala? Well, we were thinking of having one here," Springer explained.
"And we needed some real styling dresses, know what I'm saying?" Spinner said, holding up the hem of her gown. "We call this look 'miliflary' because, it's like really stylish and formal but you can also wear it on the battlefield or like during a security detail. And we're working on a black one for black ops that's really awesome."
"Really awesome! AND it will go so great with this headband I want," Springer added, nodding.
"Warning: Reactor core temperature reaching critical levels. Safety systems not responding. Seriously… you guys might want to stop screwing around and get on that. You know, before this whole base blows sky-high? Sometime today would be nice."
Vice's fists balled. "Both of you, command center, now," he said in a teeth-gritted rage.
"Yes, sir," they both said, breaking from the world of fashion and returning to the world of paramilitary ultranationalistic-ideological extremism.
The elevators were disabled, forcing them to use the stairs. They traveled as quickly as they could but were slowed by the high-heeled horseshoes the two Enclave mares were wearing. Vice did his best not to ask what piece of expensive military equipment they'd made their shoes out of.
Explosions rocked the base. Power conduits, junctions for regulating energy, were beginning to overload. The lights flickered overhead with each distant blast. If the detonations reached the warhead storage or the silos, the entire base would be a crater. There was not much time.
They entered the command center. Naturally, they were the only ones there; the others had already evacuated in a panic. The room itself was large, similar to the impromptu one they constructed in the Crystal Palace during their brief occupation. Vice went to the nearest console and ripped out the chair. "Someone disabled the safety systems," Vice muttered angrily. Springer and Spinner were hovering over his shoulder. "Why are you two not at the ops stations?!"
"Warning: Reactor core temperatures reaching… you know what? If you guys haven't gotten it by now, I can't help you. You're on your own." *sound of door opening and shutting, car door opening and shutting and tires screeching as car speeds away*
Spinner looked up at the speakers, confused. "Did… did the automated voice just… leave?"
Vice pinched his brow, slammed his fists on the desk. "WILL YOU TWO NIMRODS GET ON THE OPS STATIONS BEFORE THE BASE EXPLODES?!?!"
"Gah! Uh, sorry boss." The two spun around and quickly got on a pair of the other terminals. "Um… what exactly is it you want us to do?"
"Find out who's responsible for this!" Vice raged. "I'm resetting the primary safety now." He keyed the commands into the console and the lights returned to normal. The alarms stopped blaring, the base became stable again.
They all waited, listening silently. "I don't think the automated voice is coming back," Springer said. "Was that voice a real pony or… some kind of artificial intelligence or something?" Vice slowly turned his head, fixing a cold stare upon her. "Do… do we know?"
"Hey guys?" Spinner waved her hoof, "I think there's some ponies stealing a Magic Gear."
"WHAT?!" Vice Grip immediately got up and stomped over. "Where? Where do you see that?"
Spinner pointed at her monitor. "On the screen where it looks like there's some ponies stealing a Magic Gear."
Sure enough, a live camera feed displayed on the screen, showing them a view from a high corner of the hangar. Three ponies were climbing into the cockpit of a blue pegasus gear- Unit 473 ARC, ACE's big sister. The Gear's eyes lit up and blinked; whether piloted or not, they still had minds of their own. However, they weren't programmed, trained or told specifically for that matter to obey only Vice and his pony cronies. So when the three infiltrators simply climbed in, ARC thought it was just another routine patrol.
Operating on manual control, the Gear's hooves moved. Its powerful legs and frame easily broke free of the maintenance arms blocking it and ducked underneath the catwalk at neck-level. Its massive, metal filly tail scraped the underside of the catwalk, bending the railing at an awkward angle. The robotic utility and repair arms were smashed to pieces, some exploding harmlessly against the Gear's metal hide. The pilots pushed her forward, walking her into the center of the hangar and turned her towards the door.
Vice's jaw dropped. "They're launching her. They're actually going to launch her." On the screen, ARC's wings had already deployed. The jets around each of her hooves began to flare and the machine began to rise.
"It's all right," Springer pointed, "there's no way they can get past the doors." The hangar doors were closed and there was no way the infiltrators had a key. From the command center, Vice Grip could lock down the hangar, seal it off so they couldn't get out. Without the proper clearance or command, there was no way they could open the doors.
So, they blasted right through them.
The guns on ARC deployed and fired. The cannons on its shoulders, joints and sides shot wildly, missiles flew off at random angles. Some struck the ceiling, a few hit the walls near the other Gears, others struck the Gears themselves. Fires spread out, causing the sprinklers to activate. Finally, the three infiltrators learned how to aim the machine and directed its missiles at the door.
Vice's stomach turned cold. "Hangar. Now." He got up, activated his own jets and flew out of the command center through the doors. Springer and Spinner followed him closely, still in high heels.
ARC continued firing until both doors were nothing but smoldering debris. The pilots then engaged its engines and the machine burst out of the hangar, flying at full speed.
The mad in more ways than one scientist and his two fabulous cohorts arrived in the hangar just fast enough to see the glow of the Gear's jets in the distance. At full speed, there was no way they could catch them. Vice stood for a long moment, the sprinklers hitting hitting him, alarms still blaring but otherwise, silently.
Spinner, being the mare she was, patted Vice on the back. "Ey, boss, chin up. We still got like," she looked over her shoulder, "Uhhhh… at least eight Gearies left."
As if on cue, one of the other Gears, a pink one, stepped closer, curious. "If she gets to leave, I wanna leave, too."
"I want ice cream!" another one shouted from the back.
"Viiiiiiiiiice! One of ARC's missiles hit me in the eye! And I want ice cream."
"Oh, shuddup, AMP. You're too fat as it is."
"I AM NOT! I only weigh six-hundred and forty tons!"
"Twenty tons more than the rest of us."
"My munitions bay is bigger, it's in my design! My storage has extra capacity for ammo!"
"Yeah, but you store cake in there, fatty."
"Shut up, AXE! You're just jealous I have a satellite imagery telemetry analysis rangefinder and you don't!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Ladies! Ladies!" Springer flew up to their level. "You're all pretty AND deadly now can we please worry about getting your sister back?"
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" Spinner chanted. Springer glared at her, which only made her giggle. "Oh come on, that was too easy."
"Girls," she said to them, "What do you say? Want to stop fighting so we can look for your sister?"
The Gears looked at each other, exchanging glances. The sprinklers stopped finally and the alarms stopped. They then turned back to Springer. "Can we get ice cream, too?"
"I want a dress like that. Is that solar-polymer dioxisyncroceramicnovanucleic? Because I was thinking of upgrading my main from paradyson fiber to syncroceramic alloy and if I get a dress like that, I was wondering if I can still go out into the rain without it causing a potential point-oh-oh-oh-oh-one-point-five loss in drag reduction in flight."
Springer blushed. "Yeah, it's just something we kinda threw together. It mean, it rides really high in the back but it's kind of flashy and I just love it."
"It's really pretty. And it seems like it would be tactically efficient during an engagement with combined solar EMP and small arms/incendiary weapons. And it's really pretty."
Springer's green cheeks turned even brighter red. "Thanks."
"Ahhh, see boss?" Spinner asked, leaning casually against Vice Grip. "It's gonna work out. We still got plenty o' Gears so we'll be all right."
Vice looked at her without turning his head. "I'm going to kill you all and bury you under my mountain fortress."
Spinner removed her foreleg from Vice. "Somepony's grumpy."
The scientist did not respond. He activated a button on his gauntlet and after a few moments, a familiar face appeared. In a burst of electricity, Lightning materialized before them. He kneeled in front of Vice. "By your command."
"Seal the base. Nothing gets in or out."
"By your command," Lightning replied stoically. There was something strange about Lightning Claw. For one, his horn was fixed… or it had been replaced by a metal one. Him never having been a real alicorn, it was impossible to know. Likewise, his wings were covered in steel and bolted to his hide, a set of electrodes on each of his hooves and the end of his tail. Finally, he was wearing a black bodysuit and his mane had been cut shorter. He seemed like a combination robocop, terminator and frankenstein's monster all rolled into one.
"Wait," Vice held up his hand. "Turn around." Lightning did so without question, without making a sound. "Take a good look at our friend, Mr. Claw. Mr. Claw is something… new, the result of the latest efforts into understanding and reverse engineering the arcane. Note the eyes," Vice pointed. "All of his senses are linked into the main computer here in the base. Everything he sees, smells, touches, hears, even tastes, is recorded. Every thought, feeling, an idea, if he's hungry, we know it before he does."
"So… biomonitoring?" Spinner asked. "Is that like, out of Star Trek or something?"
Vice shook his head, smiling. "It's not out of anything. Because his senses are entirely recorded. He remembers what we want him to. He knows what we need him to know. His mind is on a series of interchangeable CDs in the mainframe next to the Abba album and our copy of How Stella Got Her Pony Back on Blu-Ray. What is useful to him is broadcast through the base's relay via encrypted signal. What is not useful, what is irrelevant to the mission, any and all… distractions," he snapped his fingers right in front of the stallion's face. Smacked him in the muzzle. Lightning didn't even blink. "…are eliminated."
Springer swallowed.
Spinner also swallowed, then said, "I… didn't know we had a copy of How Stella Got Her Pony Back."
Springer turned to her friend. "THAT'S what you took from that?"
"What this means," Vice interrupted, "is that if you screw up, if you are not efficient, you will be made more efficient. If you use incorrect judgment, your ability to discern is replaced. If you use improper logic, your ability to reason will be removed. If you use poor problem solving skills, you'll find them to be involuntarily upgraded," he looked at both of them, his eyes just as cold as Lightning's. "If you think for a moment that you can double cross me… well, let's just say, we have plenty of CDs."
The two mares were stunned silent. The Magic Gears were stunned silent. None of them moved a muscle. The consequences were too grave to imagine.
But naturally, Spinner couldn't handle that for long. She sniffed. "Please don't downgrade me!"
Vice sighed heavily. "For the love of… I'm talking about cyborgizing you and storing your brain on a bunch of DVDs!"
"CDs."
"CDs!" Vice yelled. "Doesn't that mean anything to you!" He nudged Lightning.
"Beep boop. I am still a robot," Lightning said.
"Did I say you could talk?!" Vice raged.
Lightning shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? I'm a robot and you downloaded my brain onto a bunch of DVDs."
"CDS!!!"
"Whatever. Beep boop."
"And you're not a robot!" Vice continued. "You're a cyborg!"
"What's the difference?"
"ARRAGGGHH!" Vice entered into a fit.
Behind them, the Magic Gears watched the group argue, tempted to try to use their lasers to make popcorn. "Why is it that this story has a really random and silly part and then a really serious part followed by another random and silly part?" AXE asked.
"This story has serious parts?" AMP counter-asked. "Does the audience know?"
"I'm not even sure the author knows."
Two electric bolts hit the conversing Gears. They both immediately lost power and collapsed in a heap, shaking the hangar. Springer and Spinner flew up, taking off in a startled flight. They turned around, looking at the smoldering machines. It didn't take them long to find out what had caused it; smoke trails rose from Lightning's hoof electrodes. His expression was stoic once again.
"Forgive Mr. Claw," Vice said, patting his associate on the shoulder. "There's still a few kinks to work out in his new situation, his new programming. Anyway, the guy writing this story might not know, but I certainly do," Vice looked directly at Spinner and Springer. "Make no mistake, I'm very serious. You screw up, there will be consequences. I can magically eviscerate the parts of you that are holding you back. If you're not useful to me, I'll make you into something useful. The hard way. Is that clear?"
The two mares nodded. "Yes, sir."
"Good," Vice said, walking around Lightning. "The two of you are with me. Call in the rest of Raptor Wing from their evacuation point. We are going to get ARC back."
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Well, what he did to Lighting sucks... But at least they got a gear.
And that is why, when you shut the safeties down by compute, you shut down the restarting of the safeties, buy the application of high explosives.
Or an ONiell Grenade. whichever gets a bigger laugh from the viewers.
Ah, storing the mental state on disk. I can remember the season or episode number, but that was th episode ME squared, Red Dwarf.
A competant Cylon. All we need now is an Old Timer with a Cigar to make, A Plan.
Awwww, poor Lightning... forever stuck to Beep Boop Vice's will... hmm.
Ahahahah, Spinner and Springer, I love em!
Nice chapter man, hahaha, this was great~
Oh my Oprah this was too funny (Sorry Grippy, but it was)!
I was wondering where Springer went to, much as I wish a Dan-beatdown on her I do like her the way she is, you leave her alone you Mech-Hitler-pony jerk!!! I like her fighting fashions ideal tool, just imagine it: Conquering Couture! Fighting Flaire! Overlord Ensemble! And ... those are the only 3 remotely good ones I could think of.
But I want Lightning Claw back! Please say Dan and friends will save him soon? Then Phoenix can sue him for psychological trauma! Both Pony and Mecha Pony!
Awesome as always, the highlight of my week every week ^_^
I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen to Lightning, but holy crap Vice Grip, you're horrible!
Lightning Claw's backstory has him producing a large storm that the Wonderbolts themselves had to stop, the storm breaking his horn by throwing him to the ground.
Weather magic's some serious stuff.
Wings covered in steel and bolted to his hide!? Lightning was originally a Pegasus! Vice Grip has mutilated my baby and has restricted his magical focus!
So, how much of Lightning is mechanical? How much of him is how he used to be?
...is this reversible? DAN! SAVE MY BABY!
7297213 can't quite put my finger on the reason... but I'm suddenly much more worried about vice than I was...
~Dollars.
7298843
Because of Weather Magic? Or because of Dan?
7301090 About his mental state and the fact it's nearly as bad as mine...
~Dollars
7302189
Who's mental state? Lightning's or Vice's?
To be honest, Lightning isn't entirely 'sane'.
Oh my gosh! Why do people listen and obey those that threaten to lobotomize them? That would be the instant *run and betray* moment!
Douche: Hey! Listen and obey or I'll make you wish you were dead!
Rational person: you got it! *waits till douche leaves then runs to the good guys* yeah he cray cray, here's everything I know about his operation and how to stop him.