• Published 12th Aug 2013
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Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) - Barrobroadcaster



The story of a man named Dan and all his friends in Equestria.

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Episode 9: The Halloween Special- Dan Vs. The Day of the Spa

Laboratory of Dr. Weird
South Jersey Shore

Lightning crackled high in the sky above the abandoned Belle Isle Asylum. Rain poured down on the castle's dark structure and waves crashed on the jagged cliff walls upon which it sat. Deep within the bowels of the haunted fortress, a different kind of storm was brewing- a storm of the mind.

"Gentlemen, BEHOLD!" Dr. Weird announced over the thunder. "I am writing My Little Pony fanfiction!!" he declared.

"Uh... okay," Steve, the doctor's red-haired lab assistant and the room's only other occupant replied.

"Yes," Dr. Weird began. "I put my heart, mind and soul into each and every word. I love this story more than life itself. In a way, it is my child. My legacy..." the doctor trailed off, staring at his laptop's screen. The room was silent for a full heartbeat.

"Woah. Well... what's it about?" Steve asked, curious.

"YOU, STEVE!!" Dr. Weird yelled. A ray of light shot out from the doctor's laptop and enveloped the lowly aide. In a flash, Steve was sucked into the pc. On the laptop's screen, a 16-bit rendition of Steve appeared amidst a colorful background resembling Ponyville. "MWUHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"YES, STEVE!!" the doctor shouted. "NOW BATTLE SPIKE FOR YOUR TRUE LOVE, RARITY! OH YEAH!!! THIS WILL BE THE GREATEST CLOP FLASH GAME EVER!!!!"


Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship

Developed for FIMFiction.net by Barro the Broadcaster

The weeks leading up to the eve of Nightmare Night had largely been pleasant for Ponyville. The ponies decorated the town for the upcoming holiday, changing in unison with the environment as colors switched from summer greens and yellows to autumnal oranges and browns. A fall wind blew loose leaves through the streets and jack-o-lanterns found their way onto the doorsteps and windowsills of almost every home.

With the exception of the Golden Oaks Library, of course. Being an evergreen tree, the leaves only changed color under the effects of magical influence and having just renovated the house, Twilight and friends weren't in a rush to decorate it. The group had decided to celebrate the change to fall the same way they did every other season: by sitting on the couch and playing video games.

"I'm right behind you, Dan!" Chrys announced.

"Yep," Dan smirked in agreement. "And that's where you're staying."

Seated side-by-side on the couch in the library's foyer, Dan and Chrys indulged in that time-honored favorite of competitive multiplayer games, Mario Kart 64. Fluffle Puff and Spike sat on the floor, the four of them battling for first place in the infamous racing game. With Dan dominating as Mario in first place, Chrys was right on his tail as Princess Peach. Fluffle Puff as Toad battled Spike's Yoshi for third place, both of them fighting for the position as well as messing with each others' controllers at the foot of the couch.

"No fair! Get off me, Fluffle Puff!"

"Thppp," Fluffle blew a derogatory raspberry at the dragon. She leaned to the side into Spike.

"Stop it! Hey, she's trying to block my view with her fluff!" Spike fought to push the hair off him with his right claw. "This is cheating!"

"That's what happens when you race me, Spike," Dan confidently informed him. "It's just a contest to see who comes in second."

"So long as it isn't Wario Stadium," Chrys added with a sly grin.

Dan didn't let the comment bother him though, not when he was in the lead on Rainbow Road. He was an ace at racing, having had lots of practice with his friend Chris back on Earth in the days of their youth. Dan was unstoppable on any version of Mario Kart and its sequels from handheld to console to PC emulator and even this one time when the Cutie Mark Crusaders built their own go-karts to try and simulate the game in real life. When it came to racing, Dan couldn't be beat. Except when his friends inevitably selected Wario Stadium.

Due to a glitch in the original N64 version of the classic game, players could bypass an entire section of one of the game's racetracks, the track called Wario Stadium, in the right places. An effective shortcut, it allowed the racer to skip a large portion of the track if they executed a maneuver next to the wall at the beginning of the race. It was a difficult trick to master at times but with practice, it shortened the race by approximately half its intended length. Dan had never used this trick and considered it to be dishonorable, disgraceful and grounds for disqualification if anyone tried to use it. Not because he actually felt there was something wrong with taking a shortcut in a race; it was just one he'd never been able to do. No matter how many times he had tried.

But this was Rainbow Road and Dan's expert use of the fake item box trap had assured him a commanding lead in the race. Heading into the last lap, Dan wore a proud smile as he powered to the finish line.

"Get off, Fluffle! Seriously!" Spike continued to grapple with the puffy mare. She hissed at him as both their bodies and carts fought to be in front of the other. The purple dragon spat out Fluffle's hair as he struggled to see the screen.

"Fight all you want; you're just fighting for the bronze at this point."

Chrys ignored Dan's taunts. Eyes narrow, teeth gritted, hooves gripping the N64 controller in determination, she was determined to finally beat Dan and then he would be her boyfriend. Or... wait, what? Where did that come from?

Glancing snidely over to her, Dan caught the redness filling the changeling's face. And as usual, he mistook it for an emotion other than what it really was, love, lust, indescribable physical attraction, instead believing she was burning red with envy.

The two racers continued, Chrys' determination and Dan's lax overconfidence combining to close the gap between the two as they entered the final stretch. The changeling queen, though biologically the mother of countless currently unaccounted for drones, had never felt love before she'd met Dan. All she wanted was to spend time with him, be with him and right now to WIN! For him to finally realize her... gaming prowess? and consent to be her boyfriend, confess his love and then they'd be together forever.

That was what she wanted, anyway. But really, even as she realized she was thinking these things, understood her own feelings, she didn't understand why exactly she felt them. It was complicated; she knew she wanted Dan to be hers, but she didn't know why. She also knew he wasn't hers at this point, a fact that felt physically painful to her. The feeling of wanting, needing and not knowing why was maddeningly confusing to her. The whole ordeal was enough to make her head spin so she focused on the race.

So while Dan raced to win, Chrys raced towards Dan. Chasing the man she loved while trying to evade the pursuit of her own confusion, her own mixed feelings, right behind her. Only time would tell which was faster in that race but the outcome of Rainbow Ride had already been decided.

There was only a single line of item boxes between them and the finish line. This was where strategy came into play during the race. If Chrys hit the item box and obtained an offensive item like a Red Koopa Shell, she could use it to blast Dan and he would lose his momentum allowing her to pass him. But if Dan received a defensive item like a Green Koopa Shell or a banana peel, he could deploy it behind him and hold it there, creating an effective barrier between him and Chrys' attack. These fractions of seconds would determine the entire race.

Dan drove through the item boxes, taking the corner and maintaining his speed as he approached the finish line. Chrys was scant few kart lengths behind him and had a second to see what item he received. Even if the game didn't let players see what items they obtained, Chrys could've looked at his screen to see what Dan came up with. But she didn't have to. Dan got the Green Koopa Shell, just the item Chrys was fearing he'd get. She sighed at the immediate sight of the icon in Dan's inventory. There went the race.

Dan deployed the green shell immediately. "Wait, shoot!" The green shell spawned behind his kart but instead of remaining there, it shot in front of him again and then launched forward. Dan's finger had slipped and he had fired the shell as an offensive weapon rather than using it as a barrier, an easy mistake to make if one's palms are sweaty. Defenseless, the distance between Dan and the finish line was too far away to say he'd won already.

In the hair fractions of a second, the situation had changed. Dan now nervously raced towards checkered flag like prey evading a predator. The safety of the finish line was only too far away still and Chrys was closing fast. All Chrys had to do was get an offensive item, a Red Koopa Shell hopefully, and victory would be snatched from Dan's hands in the blink of an eye.

She was almost to the item boxes now. Chrys knew she'd hit it with plenty of time to pass Dan. She gunned for them, the rainbow-colored rhombuses hiding win or lose for her behind their translucent surfaces. The edge of her hoof pressed the A button in all the way, sweat formed on her brow as she pushed her kart to the limit, item boxes getting closer and closer until finally- SMASH!

"Ha ha ha!" Dan laughed.

It took a moment for Chrys to realize what had happened. Rather than driving through the item box, she was the one that had been sent flying. The ole' fake-item-box-placed-right-on-top-of-a-real-one-so-you-can't-tell-if-its-real-or-fake trap. One of Dan's specialty deceptive ploys, it worked like a charm. Chrys watched her kart tumble off the road, spiraling down into the abyss before Lakitu returned it to her position. She had no reason to hurry now; Dan's victory was assured.
"Didn't see that coming, did you?" Dan asked.


Chrys ignored him and sulked. After he won, there would be the inevitable gloating and she would pretend to listen while fantasizing about her and Dan together in only the most intimate of settings. Like winning the race, it seemed like a dream she was chasing but it was one she knew she couldn't stop pursuing. And unlike the race, it was something she intended to win.

"Thppp!"

"Come on, hey!" Spike pushed Fluffle's head. "Twilight! Fluffle Puff won't let me see the screen!"

The two other competitors' karts both smashed through the item boxes, passing Chrys. Spike, slightly ahead of the pink mare got a string of banana peels. Fluffle gasped when she saw what she got and used it right away.

KRSSSSSSSSSSSHHH!

A bright flash blinded the television screen and Spike, Dan and Chrys found their karts shrunken by Fluffle's lightning bolt. His speed reduced, Fluffle's kart flattened Spike's and continued on racing to catch up to Dan.

"Fluffle!" Spike shouted.

"Thbbppp!" Fluffle responded triumphantly.

"That was my box and it-wa, wooaaaaah!" The pink pony repulsed the purple dragon and he lost his balance. He flailed, trying not to hold onto both his own controller and still see.

"Spike, be careful you don't-"

"WAAAAAAAAAA!" Spike fell forward and landed on the only thing that could break his fall- the N64.

"SPIKE!" Chrys yelled.

While not enough to damage the durable console, Spike's trip was enough to jostle the Mario Kart cartridge inserted in its top and cause the game to freeze.

"SPIKE!!" Dan yelled, echoing.

The dragon rose his head and along with the others, looked at their race in progress. The sound had stopped, the karts had stopped, the game had stopped. It was like the game had been paused but there was no way to unpause it. There was no way to see who was the winner and no way to finish. The game was over.

Spike could feel eyes on his scales. Slowly, he turned his head around to face the others, a preemptive apologetic cringe already on his face.

Three frowns accosted him, judging him for his mistake before he could say a word. Really, the four's body language spoke enough volumes. Finally, Dan broke the silence.

"Just as I said, I won."

"Oh really?" Chrys turned to him. She prodded his chest with a hoof, enjoying the opportunity to touch him more than anything else. "Spike froze the game so it's a draw."

"I was about to cross the finish line AND I was in the lead by a long shot before that. I won the race," Dan proclaimed.

The jet black bug pony shook her head. "No, no, NONE of us crossed the finish line so none of us won that race."

"I was in first when the game froze," Dan closed his eyes and placed his hands on his hips. "It's like I said all along. You can't beat me unless you cheat."

Now Chrys was getting angry. "Just because you're the ONLY one who can't use that glitch doesn't make it a cheat. And besides, it's one of the longest races in the game and so BORING. Everyone only uses that glitch so it can end faster."

"It's still cheating!" Dan raised his voice. "I'm not gonna play if you're not-"

"THPP THPP THBB! THPP THBB THPP THP THPTHP!" Fluffle joined in, waving her forelegs and the two. And just like that, house erupted into an argument and Spike was happy to not be part of it. He carefully tip-taloned away into the adjacent hallway. Now was as good a time as any to work on his Rarity shrine.

"IF YOU WANT A REMATCH, THEN SET IT UP AGAIN!" Chrys yelled.

"And why can't YOU do that?!" Dan yelled back.

"I. DON'T. HAVE. THUMBS."

Dan facepalmed. "If you're going to use that as an excuse now, HOW WERE YOU EVEN RACING IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"

"I NEVER SAID I COULDN'T RACE!" Chrys screeched. "I can use the controller fine but it's harder for me reset the console!"

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST CHANGE INTO SOMETHING THAT CAN RESET IT THEN?!!"

Chrys leaned forward and glared at him. Her face was burning red. "Why don't I change into something that-" makes it easier for me to rip your shirt off and smother you right here on the couch. But Fluffle is here... wait, no. I want her to watch.

"Into something that what?!" Dan demanded. His face was also boiling red. "I don't understand what your problem is with a simple video game! Why can't you just play by the-"

And as he leaned in to yell back at Chrys' defiant stance, Dan stumbled slightly over Fluffle's controller. Chrys leaned back to catch him with her chest and wound up catching something else. Dan braced himself against Chrys' shoulders for a brief moment, both of their eyes closed as they stopped listening to each other... and accidentally communicated more than they ever could have at that moment with words.

Fluffle's eyes bulged and her jaw dropped. "Wow..." the pink mare muttered, so shocked by what she was witnessing that she used her own voice.

The pair's eyes popped open simultaneously and they broke off from each other; Chrys stepping back and Dan pushing off her to regain his balance. For a few silent moments, the two simultaneously processed what had just happened. The only clue to indicate what had transpired was the faint and fleeting taste of the others' lips. It was the oddest sensation and yet to both, familiar. Chrys remembered why; Dan didn't.

Dan quickly tried to recompose himself. "I... um, I'm sorry... about that. Uh..."

"I-it's f...fine. It's fine," Chrys said. She felt like her heart was going to punch its way through her chest. All four of her legs quaked and felt bone-cold. They... they had kissed. What did this mean? Her head swam in questions as parts of her body burned and froze at the same time. She felt like she was going to faint.

Fluffle Puff did for her. The pink puff mare leaned forward and face-planted into the floor, collapsing into her own fluff. None of them commented on the action.

"Uh..." Dan coughed. "Are uh, are you planning on... on flying?"

"Um... what?" Chrys asked, not understanding the question. It was then she noticed her wings were in spread out in full display, an involuntary reaction to undue excitement of the romantic nature. However, the reaction was characteristic to pegasi and alicorns, not changelings. She looked back at both her wings, and tried to press them down. They were stiff and ridged, unyielding to her hooves and even her own muscle reactions.

"Um... I just, uh..." She struggled to press them down but they sprang back each time, even hurt to try and clasp them against her back.

"Uh... heh..." Dan chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Twilight has the same problem with her wings sometimes."

"What problem?" Twilight asked.

Chrys and Dan turned to the stairway as Twilight descended. Fluffle's head poked out of her fluff despite her not being upright because that happens in cartoons.

"Hey guys," Twilight greeted them, significant exhaustion in her voice. "What have you all been up to?"

"We were just... playing," Chrys said shyly, still trying to press her wings back.

Twilight couldn't help but notice. "Is that what Dan meant by problem? Yeah, that happens to me sometimes, too." The purple mare was actually equally inexperienced with such involuntary wing spasms herself. "It goes away after a while. I find if you concentrate on something else, they'll loosen up faster."

"O... okay," Chrys said nervously. Embarrassed, flustered, hot and bothered, the changeling queen took the princess's advice and focused on something else. Unfortunately, that something else was Dan. The image of him making eyes at her stuck in her mind like their game still stuck on the t.v screen. She forced her mind to picture a different subject and continued flipping through images like a rolodex until her body tension subsided. "Thank you, Twilight."

Twilight smiled in response. "So what have you guys been up to? It sounded like an argument when I was upstairs. Wario Stadium again?"

Dan scoffed at the comment. "Not this time. Spyro tripped and froze the game. Just the same though; I would've won."

"Oh," Twilight said, noticing the screen. She walked over to the console and carefully powered off both it and the television with her magic. "I'm sure he didn't mean to."

"Nah," Dan remarked. "Fluffle was blocking him from seeing. It was honestly cute seeing the two of them fight."

Twilight looked over to Fluffle to see if she had a non-verbal comment on the situation. And in this instance, she did. The fluffy mare pointed at Dan and at Chrys and then clapped her hooves together and made kissing noises. Pantomiming them making out, Fluffle relayed the events immediately after the race to Twilight. When she was done, she mimicked herself fainting again and Twilight walking down to see them.

"Well," Twilight said, "that wasn't very nice, Fluffle Puff. You should go apologize to Spike."

Fluffle sighed and facehooved; Twilight had clearly understood none of her message. It was times like these she detested being a conveniently and inconveniently semi-silent character. She trotted off to go find Spike.

At last, Chrys' wings finally rescinded, twitching only once before returning to their original position. "That's better. What have you been doing, Twilight? Still working on that difficult spell?"

The princess groaned. "Difficult is an understatement. This magic is ancient and the book seems like it was written for another species. I'm making progress but it's still so complicated. There's so many steps, pieces and variables."

Dan didn't have Twilight's scientific approach to magic. "But in the end, you still just say a few words and something happens, right?"

Twilight glared at him. "Magic isn't that simple, Dan."

"Uh huh," Dan folded his arms, unconvinced. But Twilight knew she'd be able to convince him eventually. It just took the right application of magic, the right usage at the right time and he'd see how powerful and how mysterious it really was. She had faith Dan would experience the true power of magic eventually. Maybe he'd understand magic better if a special mare showed it to him, like a special somepony. But who in Ponyville would possibly be interested in Dan?

"It's not just the words, Dan. You have to tap into the feelings, harness the emotions and direct them towards the desired effect," Twilight explained.

"So therapy actually does something in this world?" Dan asked sarcastically. "Good to know. I'll remember that the next time somepony tells me to see a shrink." To be fair, both magic and therapy were more complicated than they seemed. The magic ponies used harnessed emotions and channeled them into energy. The same way humans were able to channel the energy of molecular bonds in a chemical reaction, ponies were able to control the power of emotional bonds and use them to achieve impossible results. Dan's knowledge of both magic and chemistry was just enough to know how to use spells and chemicals to blow things up. Like lighting a fuse or using Twilight as a spell-minigun.

"If magic was therapeutic, I'd be super-relaxed instead of super-stressed," Twilight said with a huff.

"What's the problem you're having, anyway?" Dan asked, curious. "I haven't heard any explosions coming from upstairs."

"The spell I'm trying to perform requires a certain focus. I have to concentrate on all of the Elements of Harmony at once if I want to infuse them with my alicorn magic but the book is vague on how I do that. I have to be careful, otherwise I might accidentally cause damage to the Elements. It's almost like parts of the steps were left out or changed to prevent somepony from using them the wrong way," Twilight said.

Dan shrugged. "Maybe you just need to read it the right way."

Twilight sighed at his suggestion. A knock on the front door of their house drew her attention and she turned and walked away.

"What?" Dan asked as she departed. "I'm serious; you have to be careful how you read the instructions!"

Chrys giggled. "Maybe her spell has a glitch in it." Her wings sproinged out again as she got closer to Dan.

"Or maybe the book is cheating, hiding something from her," Dan smirked.

Twilight opened the door to see her other friends outside.

"TWILIGHT!" they all yelled at her.

The purple mare's face lit up at the sight of all her friends. "Girls, it's so great to see you! What are you all doing here?"

"Spa day!" Pinkie announced.

"We thought a day of relaxation and pampering was in order with all the commotion lately," Rarity said.

"That does sound really good," Twilight had to agree. "This spell's got me over a barrel and I could use a break."

"The spell to turn y'all back inta a unicorn?" AJ asked.

Twilight nodded. "I've been working on it since we got the library fixed and I haven't really made any progress."

Rainbow flew down to her friend and grabbed her by the shoulders. Tears were in the pegasus' eyes. "You've only had wings for a short time... you're really going to give them up already?"

Twilight hugged Rainbow back. She knew she was sad to lose another flying buddy. "It's for the best, Rainbow. If Dan, Chrys and Fluffle weren't here, I'd be able to balance things between being a princess, being an alicorn and learning about the magic of friendship. Them being here made me realize there's still a lot I haven't learned about just being me the way I was. Not only that, there's the fact my early lessons aren't being applied and I think the best way to apply them is to try and take a step back from all this."

Rainbow's lip trembled. "But... wings!"

Twilight patted her friend on the head as she sobbed into her purple feathers.

"I'm still your flying buddy, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy's timid voice pointed out. The rainbow-maned Pegasus looked over her shoulder at the shy animal lover. Rainbow then turned back around, burying her face into Twilight's wing again and crying harder.

"So..." Pinkie changed the subject, "spa time?"

"Sounds great," Twilight said. "Just let me ask the others." She poked her head back inside the house. "Hey guys!" she yelled. Dan was sitting on the couch once again, controller in both of his hands as he played another N64 game. For some reason though, Chrys was seated in Dan's lap and she seemed to be resting her back against him. Or... snuggling with him? Dan was clearly oblivious to this, squinting to see around the changeling queen.

Chrys wasn't even holding a controller, or playing for that matter. Her eyes were closed, not that Dan noticed. Suddenly, her wings deployed.

"Hey, if you can't control those things, you can sit on the floor," Dan pushed her wings to the side.

The changeling just cooed in response to being touched by Dan.

"GUYS!" Twilight shouted.

Chrys' eyes popped open and the pair looked over to her.

"Who's up for a spa day?"

"OOOH!" Chrys hopped off of Dan and the prospect. "I'm in!"

Fluffle and Spike materialized out of nowhere, the purple dragon riding the pink mare. "We're in, too!" Fluffle gasped in excitant. The three houseguests rushed to join Twilight at the door.

"What about you, Dan? Wanna come?" Twilight asked.

"Spa day?" Dan reiterated. "No thanks, I got my relaxation right here."

"Awwww," Chrys moaned. "Come on, Dan, it'll be fun!"

"Fun?" Dan questioned the statement. "More like expensive."

"Since when has THAT stopped you from buying anything?" Twilight asked the freeloading biped.

"Hey, surface-to-air missile batteries may not be cheap, but you'll thank me once they prevent the first air raid we encounter," the human shot back.

"Come on, Dan," even Spike tried to coerce him. "There's plenty of stuff to do there even without spending money."

"Sure there is, but I just don't like spas. Why would I spend money to relax when I have plenty of entertainment, food and..." Actually, he couldn't think of a third thing. "And... my surface-to-air missile batteries right here?"

"But you're really going to spend the whole day at home while we're out?" Chrys asked.

"Yeah," Dan said. "Revolutionary idea, I know. What an innovator I am."

"Come on, Dan," Twilight decided to be the third encourager. "If you do this, you can cross another location off your possible local threat list."

"Hmmm," Dan thought. "Or I could put another location on my possible local threat list." She did have a good point, he had to admit.

"You can scout the place out all you want and even assess possible structural weaknesses and points of entry while you're there," Twilight said. She could tell he was still teetering on the decision. "It's a great way to relax. Why don't you just give it a try?"

"All right, fine," the human finally conceded. He paused his game and got up from the couch. "But if they spray me with any weird fragrances, they'll be spending the next week trying to pass said fragrances after I'm done with them."

"I'm sure it won't come to that," Twilight said. She lead Dan out of the house along with their other friends and closed the door behind them. Just as the library became quiet, Owlowiscious descended from Twilight's room, picked up Dan's controller in his talons and resumed his game of Mario Kart. Wario Stadium, the owl's favorite track.


The mares and dragon excitedly talked amongst themselves as they walked to the spa. Dan followed behind the menagerie of colorful ponies like a pale, bipedal cloud tailing a trotting rainbow. Yet another thing concurrent with Equestria as with Earth, the human found himself dragged to things he didn't want to be a part of by creatures he called friends. But unlike on his home planet, Dan wasn't quite as reluctant as he would've been.

One of the main things Dan didn't like about Earth, about his own society in California at least, was that things never seemed to change. Needless bureaucracy still slowed things down, stupidity and power both found places to rest their empty heads and nothing ever really changed. Nothing was ever improved, civilization never advanced, humanity was stuck in the same rut.

"Ponies never take a step back, never change, never truly grow and we can't control our own magic."

For some reason, Vice Grip's words echoed in Dan's mind as he was reminded of Earth. How could somepony think the same thing about ponies... that he did about humanity? It was a sudden realization: Vice Grip saw Equestria the same way Dan saw Earth. But Dan had done something about it; he'd tried to change Earth, his own community and failed. Did that mean...

"Ooof!"

"Oh, sorry, Dan," Chrys apologized.

"No, I... was distracted, sorry," Dan replied. The thought of him being like Vice Grip, Earth being like Equestria had caused him to bump into Chrys directly in front of him.

Dan shook his head, forcing the idea out. Vice wasn't anything like Dan, couldn't be. Earth and Equestria may have had their similarities but that never bothered Dan. From what Dan had seen of the sci-fi channel, they were alternate dimensions so some things would be familiar. But there wasn't magic, talking ponies or mythical creatures on Earth so that meant they weren't parallel dimensions. At least, it made sense to Dan.

They had arrived at the spa, a modest facility in the more service-oriented section of town in the southwest corner. None of them had been there in a while but it appeared to have been recently renovated. A new logo on the front displayed the name "Ultra-Luxe Day Spa and Treatment Facility" above the entrance.

Twilight held the double doors open for the group with her magic, each of them entering in pairs. The princess had to marvel how quickly things had changed in the past couple years. Six friends she never thought she'd have, three more who seemed to appear overnight and a mission to preserve harmony in Equestria. Not every change had been pleasant though, as her wings reminded her.

"Thanks Twilight," Spike said as he passed her. She responded to him with a smile. It was a reminder that Spike had been with her through all of those changes, her ever-faithful companion. There were similarities between her and the purple dragon, more than just the colors they shared. Spike was more than just her assistant; he was her friend, her constant partner. They shared a special relationship and had gone through a lot together.

But... would it have been the same if Twilight and Spike hadn't spent so much time together? Would they be so close if they'd been apart, living in different cities? This more than anything was the real reason Twilight didn't want to be a princess, more than anything else. Spike followed Twilight the same way... the same way that Twilight followed Celestia. Or would have if she'd had the opportunity.

Twilight's relationship with Princess Celestia wasn't close. There was a distance between them both physically and emotionally, the echo of a bond that never formed. When Celestia revealed she hadn't been able to make friends or use the magic of friendship since banishing Luna, it only reinforced what Twilight already knew but was scared to admit: Celestia hadn't been a good teacher. Twilight's wings were a reminder that her mentor was trying to mold her into what Celestia couldn't be. It felt... very, very wrong.

It's possible she could've maintained a good relationship with Celestia... if she'd ever bothered to write Twilight back. Apart from important issues and events, Twilight rarely heard from her mentor. And her brother. And her sister-in-law. No, that wasn't going to happen between her and all her friends, new or old. She wouldn't let it. Twilight was not going to be...

"What exactly are we gonna do here?" Dan asked, stepping through the doorway. "I'm supposed to let strangers rub crap on my face and... exfoliate me?"

Twilight grabbed the human's hands with her hooves. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"Then why am I here?"

"To assess the location's threat viability and evaluate the possible future danger of the establishment," Twilight reminded him.

"Ah, right," he remembered. "Well, might as well get that out of the way. I'll start by sweeping the perimet-"

"Dan!" Chrys hugged him out of nowhere, practically lifting him up off the floor. "We're all gonna get the deluxe treatment! Are you coming?"

Dan struggled to speak while his organs were crushed. "Aeeeg-actually, I was just about to-"

"Oh, come on Dan!" she twisted the human back and fourth.

"Alright! Alright!" he pleaded. Her legs were wrapped around him like a vice. "Just stop trying to break me in half!"

"Oh goody!" Chrys delighted in his relenting. She released him from her grasp but still held onto his hands with her hooves. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"And I have to be here for it? I can't observe all the fun you're having from a safe distance? Like back at the house?" Dan asked futilely.

"Nope!" Chrys smiled. "Now c'mon, let's get going!"

"I ca-ehyaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Twilight smiled and shrugged. Some things never changed but sometimes, she was thankful for that fact.

The changeling queen dragged the human by the wrists to the reception desk. Twilight's other friends huddled at the counter, apparently waiting for something.

DING!

...

DING!

...

DINGDINGDINGDIN-!

"I think that's enough, Pinkie," Rarity said, levitating the help bell away from the pink mare.

"How do you know?" Pinkie asked the unicorn. "Maybe we have to ring it a certain number of times to get help. Maybe if we ring it enough, we'll win something."

Rarity scoffed at the idea. "Pinkie, we mustn't be rude when requesting assistance."

"Who's being rude?" Pinkie retorted at the accusation. She plucked the hovering bell out of Rarity's magical grasp. "I'm just trying to get their attention. If we don't do anything, how can they tell if there's anypony that needs-"

"May I help you?"

"GAH!" Pinkie dropped the bell. The group of mares, dragon and Dan turned to see a pale yellow earth pony on the other side of the reception desk. She seemed to have arrived out of thin air and was wearing, of all things, some kind of theater mask. The mare lifted it up to reveal a sullen expression underneath. Her eyes appeared grayish and bloodshot from behind an old pair of glasses. Tinted glasses.

"Are all of you together?" the stoic mare asked. To say her appearance, both sudden and physical, had shocked the ponies would be accurate. They all looked at her, momentarily too intimidated to say anything.

"Yu-yes," Applejack replied for the group. "Sorry about your uh, your desk there."

"Of course, madam." The receptionist reached under her desk for something. She looked at each of the ponies in the group one at a time as if counting them in her head. For a few seconds, her gaze would be on one individual before she turned to the next, in order.

Rarity leaned up to Rainbow Dash to whisper. "Does this mare seem... off to you?"

"Or on something," Rainbow replied. The Pegasus hovered over to the counter. "So uh, where are the normal girls that work here?"

"They have the day off," the receptionist replied.

"Is there anypony else here?" Pinkie asked.

"They all have the day off," the mare stoically replied. She placed a single form on the counter in front of the group. "Do you all have an appointment?"

"Um, no," Twilight said, walking up to the counter from behind. "We didn't think it would be too busy for you to serve us."

The receptionist raised a single eyebrow slowly. "I see."

Fluttershy shivered at the back of the group. The unexpected encounter wasn't doing much for the pegasus' confidence. "I um, I don't think we should cause any trouble... I can leave if it helps..."

"If she goes, I'm out, too," Dan said.

"Oh no," Fluttershy shook her head, "You don't have to leave with me, Dan."

"Who said I was leaving with you?" Dan asked.

"No one has to leave," Twilight said over her shoulder. "Everything is all right. There won't be any problems... will there miss?"

The strange mare's eyebrow lowered. Again, she looked at each pony, biped and reptile in the group before returning her attention to Twilight and then... smiling. A creepy thin grin formed over her face. "I suppose we can make an exception. We don't have much business today but we also don't have many specialists available. However, we recently acquired some new automation from this weird future-company or something and many of our features can be used without assistance."

"Oh," Twilight said.

"So you won't have to help show us around or anything?" Pinkie asked.

The receptionist blinked once. "No."

"Ah," Pinkie wiped her forehead. "That's a relief."

"I'm sure it is. Normally, a specialist would be assigned to you for the procedures you purchase but as we're trying to be more 'modern', purchases must be made up front. Sign up for whatever procedure you desire and you will be escorted to the treatment area," the mare said.

"I see, thank you," Twilight said.

"I guess that's what 'deluxe treatment' means," Applejack remarked. A list of procedures and spa products was displayed on a board above the receptionist's desk. More like a menu at a fast food restaurant than a professional relaxation facility. Apart from the fact it also looked very new, it also only had one item available: deluxe treatment.

"Hmm," Pinkie rubbed her chin as she looked at the menu. "What do you think we should get?"

"The buck outta here!" Dan yelled from the back.

"Looks like we'll take the deluxe treatment," Twilight said to the receptionist.

"Good choice." A quill levitated its way to Twilight. The greenish aura around it changed to purple as Twilight's magic took hold of it. "Sign here and you'll be free to use the facility."

Starting with Twilight, each of them signed their names on the thin piece of paper presented to them. Dan was unsurprisingly last but complied with the instruction. Twilight paid for their expenditure herself, noticing the treatment they purchased guaranteed them three hours of access to the entire spa.

"Enjoy yourselves," the receptionist said.

"Thank you," Twilight responded, being the only one of them bold enough to do so. The group walked around the receptionist's desk, beginning their day of relaxation in awkward silence.

"Did that mare seem a bit weird to you, Twilight?" Chrys asked.

Twilight had to admit she did. "Well, maybe she's new."

"But why was she wearing that mask?"

"It is almost Nightmare Night," Twilight reminded her. It didn't do much to assuage Chrys' concerns even if it did explain the circumstances.

"Ya think she'd get along with your sister, Pinkie?" AJ asked.

"Well uh, they'd probably, if I had to guess, maybe they would, possibly... no, no not a chance," Pinkie replied. "Maude's just a little reserved but... not hostile."

"She wasn't hostile," Twilight said. "But she wasn't exactly helpful."

"Almost hostile," Chrys remarked. "I don't know; something just felt... off about her. Something feels off about the whole place."

Dan looked around. "Hey, less ponies messing with me, the better. Hopefully, if everything's automated, we'll be done faster."

That reminded Twilight. She turned around the corner to the receptionist's desk. "Hey, didn't you say there was going to be..." she trailed off. The receptionist was gone again.

"Yeah, didn't she say we were going to get escorted or something?" Spike spoke for the first time this chapter.

Twilight's brow furrowed. "I would've thought she'd mean-"

"Hi there!"

"GAH!" Twilight jumped back. Hovering in front of her, appearing almost out of thin air was a hovering television-sized orb of some kind. It flew in front of her on two fan-shaped wings like some kind of oversized robot parasprite. A white face with two eyes and a happy open-mouthed grin stared back at her from the screen on the machine's center.

"Oh, did I startle you? I'm sorry. My name is Yes Man!" the robot announced. "It's my duty to monitor all of Mr. House's- I mean, it's my duty to escort you through the Ultra-Luxe Day Spa and show you how to use all of our facilities! Won't that be fun?"

"Su-sure," Twilight said.

"Wonderful! How about we get started with a tour so you can see all our features? Follow me!"

Slowly, the group followed the fluttering robot, overcoming reluctance with every step. Twilight cast a last glance over her shoulder at the empty reception desk before moving on.


The interior hall of the day spa lead a short distance from the reception's desk to the main room. Although Twilight and her friends had been there before, they had to notice the recent changes. The floor had been changed from its modest lavender color to wood paneling. The walls were a lemon-cream color that seemed faded even though it had to be new. Or did it?

"I'm not sure I like the new choice in dƩcor," Rarity remarked.

Rainbow Dash was distinctly flying lower than normal. "They call this renovated? It feels like we're walking through a motel."

"On the outskirts of Detrot," Applejack added.

Spike's nose twitched. "Any of you guys smell anything weird?"

"Smells like that cleanser stuff they use in cafeterias," Dan remarked.

"Our ventilation system is programmed to disperse different scents to heighten relaxation!" Yes Man said.

"Can you turn it off?" Spike asked.

"No," the bot responded. "No, you can't." His voice became momentarily devoid of delightfulness. Yes Man then immediately rotated to face the group as he lead them to the main chamber. "And here we are, dear guests! Welcome to the Ultra-luxe Relaxation Room!"

The central area housed the hot tubs: circular baths at various elevations and simulated ponds ringed a fountain centerpiece directly under a glass ceiling. The room was a massive oval with branches to other corridors and rooms on either side. Lounge chairs lined walkways alongside potted ferns and floral arrangements. All of it, humbly lit by the glow of the diamond-shaped lights on the walls.

"Oh, now you're a sight for sore eyes," Rarity said. Enthusiasm grabbed the mares by the hooves as they witnessed the promise of pampering and carried them hurriedly across the floor. "This definitely makes up for the dƩcor."

AJ and Fluttershy made their way to the nearest hot tub, quickly located access to the towels and let themselves sink into the bath. "It may not look like the old spa... but it feels like it," the cowmare declared.

Twilight decided to join them, noticing her reflection in the water before climbing in. Judging her own appearance, she decided that this was exactly what she needed.

Rainbow Dash examined each of the lounge chairs before her, eying each one like she was planning on purchasing it as a vehicle. With a skeptical expression on her face, she flew back over to Yes Man. "Hey robo-guy, how do these gadgets work?"

The robot's delighted screen blipped as it processed her question. "Ah, the Auto-Turbo Massage Recliner is one of the spa's newest features. All you need to do is sit back, relax and let the chair do the work as its specially designed robotic arms relieve your tension automatically!"

The rainbow Pegasus raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Robot arms, huh? Listen," she turned around as she hovered, displaying her wings, "these are instruments of speed, aerodynamic superiority, maximum precision, expert control and speed."

"You said "speed" twice!" Yes Man announced with glee.

Rainbow nodded. "Exactly. Because I don't let just anypony's hooves touch these babies," she gestured to her wings. "They require a delicate touch. So I don't think that-"

"You won't be disappointed!" The hovering drown grabbed her with one arm and ushered her over to the nearest vacant chair.

"Hey!" the Pegasus protested. "I just said I don't let just anybody touch my wings!"

Upon entering the lounger's proximity, a pair of white-gloved robotic arms materialized from behind the chair. Yes Man sat down the resistant Dash and the hands immediately got to work.

"What do you expect me- ohhhhhhhhhh," Rainbow's protests turned into coos. Her entire body relaxed and slunk into the chair. "I might... make an exception... for an hour or three."

Dan folded his arms, considering his options with decidedly less enthusiasm. Pinkie, Fluffle and Spike were doing yoga and Dan was at least impressed that for once Fluffle was interested in doing something on the floor rather than the ceiling. The others had all found things to occupy themselves with and it didn't look to the human like they'd be going anywhere for a while. He sighed heavily.

"Um... hey, Dan?" Chrys asked, whom he didn't know was behind him.

"Oh, uh, yeah?"

"You wanna... um, hit the sauna? With, uh, with me?"

"Oh, uh, no thanks," Dan replied.

"Oh," Chrys quickly remarked. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you with anything. I know you don't want to-"

"No, no," Dan waved his hands. "I'm just, y'know, I, I was going to... uh, *ahem*, I mean, I'm GOING to, as to say, I have yet to, err, haven't-" he stammered awkwardly, suddenly needing to clarify every part of his clarification. His mind raced with more emotions to keep track of than it normally did, tripped over itself struggling to convey things with words and the way he spoke those words. Why was he having so much trouble talking to Chrys?

"Perimeter sweep..." Twilight lazily called out.

"Yeah! Thanks, Twilight," Dan said over his shoulder.

"Uh huh..." The purple mare was in far too much ecstasy to process anything other than her own luxurious sensations. Her neck was slack backwards as heated bath water bubbled around her like broth. If not for the unique shape of each hot tub, Twilight would've slipped into the soup.

"Yeah," Dan scratched his neck. "The whole 'security' thing. That's the only reason I really came here for: to check the area and assess it is a viable threat and evaluate the structure. I have a list of all the buildings in town I need to check."

"Oh, okay..." Chrys said, her tone filled with a slightly saddened understanding. And then, the changeling had an idea. "Hey, you need any help with that?"

"OH!" Dan hadn't realized that possibility. "You want to come with me on my perimeter sweep?"

Chrys smiled. "Sure."

Dan turned away from hers, his expression becoming a sheepish frown. "Well, you're sure you don't want to... relax or something? I'm sure there's plenty of stuff to do here."

"I'm fine," she walked closer to him. "I was pretty relaxed at home, anyway. I'll help you on your security-thingy. I can help you double-check things."

Dan's smile returned. "That's a great idea! I'll show you all my analyzing techniques!" He enthusiastically grabbed Chrys by the hoof and tugged her through the room, though she kept up a good pace.

Chrys' face glowed red and her wings were beginning to spread again. "I'd love to see all your techniques, Dan."

Rarity, deep within a cleansing and exfoliating facial, lifted one of the cucumbers over her eyes to see the pair trot off. "It seems like those two are becoming quite attached to one another."

"Eeyup," Applejack agreed. "Just like Spike and Rarity," she compared as she tilted her Stetson down over her eyes.

"I'm sorry. Like Spike and whom?" the unicorn asked, removing her too-convenient headphones.

The cowmare responded by snoring lightly, contented expression on her face. The white unicorn replaced her headphones and cucumber, deciding that Applejack couldn't have been talking about anyone she knew.

For some reason, Dan suddenly was enjoying his perimeter sweep more than usual. Having Chrys along felt nice, somehow, comforting and warm. He wasn't conscious of this fact but regardless, he was more than eager to have her with him as he checked every nook, cranny and potential threat vector of the day spa.

Dan lead Chrys to the eastern wing first. A shorter corridor lead to more doors, private rooms and a storage room next to a closet at the end.

"All right, now the most important thing to remember when performing a security check is to use all of your senses," he gestured around his head for emphasis. "If something doesn't look, sound, smell, taste or feel right, physically or if you just get that feeling that something's up, don't ignore it. You don't always want to act on a hunch but don't ignore it; you have instincts for a reason and those subtle feelings can tell a lot about the situation."

Chrys nodded. "There's a lot I'm feeling right now."

"Exactly. There's more to it than just looking over things with a flashlight. Here, lemme show ya." Dan crept down a length of the hallway, pressing his feet to test the stability of the flooring. Chrys mimicked the action. Pressing his ear to the wall, Dan knocked on the surface with his knuckles. He rapped on several parts of the surface and listened, checking for resonance. Satisfied that the walls weren't hollow and therefore hiding hidden chambers or panels, he hand-signaled his accomplice to move onward.

Proceeding to the first door, Dan opened it. Beyond was a single massage bed, wicker cabinets, a tiki torch and a rack of magazines by the window. Nothing of interest, Dan did check to see if the window was firmly shut before leaving.

The next room the pair checked was almost identical to the last one only it appeared to have been used recently. Half-melted scented candles occupied space on a bookshelf in one corner and the massage bed was unmade.

"It looks like somepony was just here," Chrys remarked.

"That's to be expected," Dan replied. "You have to remember the place we're in; it was probably another patron. Nothing suspicious about that." He did a quick sweep, identical to the first one and then returned to the exit to close the door.

"Wait," Chrys stopped him, frowning. "That would mean somepony used this room last."

"Yeah, probably a spa pony," Dan agreed.

"But we didn't see anypony leave when we came in," Chrys said. "And we didn't see anypony enter this room, either."

"It was probably the receptionist," Dan suggested. "It took her a while to get to the desk. She probably came from back here," he closed the door.

"But there's no one else here..." Chrys muttered, not loud enough for Dan to hear clearly.

Moving on, the duo checked the last door and were surprised to see Scooby-Doo and the Mysteries Inc. gang behind it. Well, not entirely; it was just a poster of the famed cartoon mystery solvers on the far wall. The two entered the room to get a better look.

"Heh," Dan chuckled. "I remember those guys. Used to watch them right after The Lightning Seven."

"Yeah," Chrys agreed, casually looking around. "They don't make 'em like that any-AAAAAAH!!" she screamed. On the other wall to the right of the doorway were four sets of eyes staring back at Chrys.

"Wha-what is-AAAAH!" Dan yelped himself.

"Krrrrr-hrrrrrrrrr-shaaaaa!" one of the pairs of eyes lit up and steam poured fourth from a dangling mouth.

"Oh...ha..." Dan caught his breath.

"What are... are those?" Chrys asked, still frightened.

"Masks," Dan answered. He walked over to the mask of a vampony with glowing eyes and picked it up. "These must be for the staff's Nightmare Night costumes."

"Ohhh..." Chrys clutched her chest. "What a relief."

Dan chuckled again. "What? You didn't think these were actual severed heads, did you?" He held up the mask and made its mouth move.

"I did for a moment," Chrys said.

"Yeah, it wouldn't be out of place if it wasn't this close to Equestria's Halloween," Dan remarked, placing the mask back on the rack. The pair walked out of the room. They didn't notice as a fifth pair of eyes materialized in the darkness. Unlike the others, it watched them leave.

Dan and Chrys resumed their perimeter check and found the west wing to be equally threat-free. The human made a few mental notes of some structural weaknesses, key defense spots, etc. This was the formulation of his various evacuation, defense and assault plans involving the building they were in, a planning process that he similarly had done with every building he'd entered in Ponyville. It paid to be prepared and Dan did his best to ensure that his plans paid off.

They arrived back in the central area a few minutes later. "Welp, the structure checks out," Dan announced to the other ponies.

"Uuhhhhhhhh-auuurrrrrrrgh," the group released a collective groan, though not in derision. The mares all appeared to have been incapacitated by intense relaxation, expressions of satisfaction on each of their faces.

"You guys doing all right?"

"Dan... Dan, you really gotta try this," Twilight said. She and all her friends were inside the hot tubs now, even Fluffle Puff.

"It's so... relaxing," Rarity said.

Fluffle let out a long thppppp.

"I didn't think you liked getting wet, Fluffle Puff," Chrys said to her comrade. Again, the fluffy mare's only response was a long thpppppp.

"Seriously, you guys should try this," Rainbow said. Even she had been coaxed into the bath. In fact, there was a lounge chair behind each of the mares, their arms working to massage their backs as they relaxed. Dan noticed that the water they were in wasn't bubbling any longer, probably lowered settings and had turned a strange pink. The human wasn't against bath salts but also wasn't a fan of whatever fragrance they'd chosen.

"No thanks, just came back to update you on our security situation. Everything seems to check out here," Dan informed them. He looked around, noticing a member of the group was missing. "Where'd Spike go?"

Twilight's eyes were swimming but something about that question brought them back into focus. "Ohhhhhhh... oh, yeah... Spike..." Her brain felt wonky for some reason. All of her senses were clogged by the sensation... and the smell of the water around her. "Spike asked about something..." Her heart began beating faster. Spike had asked about something important, something urgent. But what was it? Why was it so hard... hard to th-think? "Dan, it-it was-"

Fortunately, Yes Man swooped in to answer for her. "He was asking about the bathroom!" the robot happily declared. "The men's room is located just after the receptionist's area for your convenience!"

Chrys looked at all the ponies, the water they were in and finally back to Yes Man. "Dan... something doesn't feel right here."

"Ah," he patted Chrys on the back. "Very good, Chrys. You're paying attention to your instincts, aware of all your senses. But everything's fine here. Just look at Yes Man!"

The buzzing, cheery-faced spritebot hovered right in her face as Dan announced it.

"Riiiiight," Chrys backed away.

Dan approached the ponies in their hot tubs. "So anyway, it looks like you guys are really enjoying yourselves here."

The mares uttered another incoherent group groan, eyes swimming out of focus.

"So, I was thinking I'd head home and let you guys have fun here. That all right?"

Again, another "urrrrrrrrrrgh" escaped from the ponies' mouths and that was the only answer Dan got. And it was the only answer he needed.

"Great, I'll see you guys back at the house!" Dan turned to leave.

"Wait!" Chrys stopped him. Something still didn't feel right about the situation to Chrys. She didn't want to be left alone... but why did she suddenly feel alone? All of her friends were here... weren't they? Weren't they...?

"What is it? You're coming home, too?"

Chrys nodded.

Dan patted Chrys again. "Why do you want to leave early? I thought you were excited about the spa and it's only been a few minutes!"

"Well, I, uh, I just-" She had to think of something. "I told you I was already relaxed. I'm fine, Dan."

"What is it?" Dan put his hands on his hips. "You don't trust me home alone?" His tone was becoming confrontational.

Chrys new it was a bad time to challenge Dan's trust issue at that time. But maybe it was the right time for another challenge. "I just... we never finished our race."

"Oh!" the human realized. His face became a competitive smile. "I see, you're wanting to settle it, eh? Still can't get over the sting of defeat?"

Chrys smiled back nervously. "I guess so."

"Well, you're right. No spa oils are a substitute for satisfaction. All right, Chrys. You're on. But we're walking home! Not racing!" Dan said, turning and running to the reception area.

Chrys began running after him, though she was more afraid of what was behind her.

Yes Man waved at them. "Wait! You both purchased the Deluxe Treatment! You can't leave!" But it was too late. They were already out the door and gone.

For some reason, the Spritebot's programming stopped it at that moment and no longer processed that two patrons just left the spa. Yes Man immediately returned his focus to applying the treatment to the other subjects. His screen watched as each pony's eyes swirled and then began to glow. Their slack-jawed expressions began to focus on him and then phase two of his programming kicked in.

Yes Man's cheery expression flipped to another 'face' for his display. This one looked almost exactly the same as his last display, except the eyebrows were slanted at a sinister angle and the screen had turned as red as the waters of the fountain.


Chrys struggled to keep up with Dan as the two dashed out of the front doors and into the street.

"Hey! You said we weren't racing to the house!" the changeling yelled as they rounded the building and headed for home.

"Of course we're not!" Dan called back.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?!"

"To make sure I get Player One!"

Chrys stopped to facehoof herself. "But you didn't CALL first player!"

"Just did!" Dan yelled.

Growling, the changeling queen teleported. A flash of green appeared where she was standing and another flash erupted directly in Dan's path. The human skidded to a halt in front of her.

"I can teleport, too. Twilight's been teaching me," Chrys stated proudly.

"Great," Dan grinned. "Still won't help you win at Mario Kart."

"No, but it'll help me make sure you don't cheat.

The accused shrugged. "I'm not the one who glitches Wario Stadium."

Chrys rolled her eyes. To Dan, it was only cheating when anyone did it... except him. It wasn't her favorite thing about him but the way he spoke with such... courage, such confidence such charisma, such... stupidity. There was just something about Dan and the way he acted that made him so different and, dare she say it, desirable? She knew she had these feelings but she didn't know why. Maybe she didn't have to know.

Dan was beginning to feel that way, too. Even if he didn't know it, he and Chrys were already more than friends. They both walked at an even pace towards home, the competitive spirit fading momentarily. They were both happily in the moment, enjoying just being together when rain drops signaled their attention to the skies.

"Rain?" Chrys asked. Looking skyward, they saw that Ponyville had somehow been covered in thick, gray overcast while they'd been at the spa. "The forecast didn't call for any rain today."

"There's not supposed to be any rain until after Nightmare Night," Dan recalled the weather report.

Chrys shrugged. "Maybe they thought it would be spookier this way?"

"That doesn't make any sense," Dan dismissed. "Decorations all over town would get ruined."

Again, Chrys was out of ideas. "You gotta admit it is spookier like this."

Dan had to agree with that. The heavy, low-hanging gray clouds were like a shadow cast over the town. Not only that, Ponyville was... empty. From the spa to the square, they hadn't seen a single pony. That wasn't entirely out of the ordinary, it just didn't happen that often. Or, at all, really. But it wasn't unfeasible, even if it did contribute to the overall creepy vibe the usually cheery town gave out at the moment. It was as if Ponyville had become a ghost town sometime that morning.

"Let's just get home before whatever storm Cloudsdale's brewing gets started," Dan suggested.

Chrys had no reason to complain. They hastened back home as the rain picked up, arriving just before a downpour started. The changeling switched the lights on as she stepped in while Dan closed the door behind them.

"So... house to ourselves," Chrys remarked. Her eyes practically walked up the stairs to the bedroom themselves. Again, her wings stiffened.

"Yeah," Dan noticed that obvious fact, too. "Twilight and the others will probably be at that spa for a few hours at least. With any luck, they'll get it out of their systems and we won't have to go back there for another month at least."

"Why don't you like the spa, Dan? You were really looking forward to getting the royal treatment when we were in Canterlot."

"That's different," the human replied. "For one, having servants wait on you isn't the same as paying somepony to touch you while you're lying down. Or give you a manicure while your face is covered in creamy garbage. Not only that, Canterlot is a castle. I got to be carried around on a guest throne while enjoying all the free food Netflix there was. I enjoy ROYAL treatment, not SPA treatment."

"I guess that makes sense," the queen responded. "Besides, that spa was pretty creepy."

"I'm sure it's no creepier than any other spa," Dan assured her.

Other than Dan and Chrys, the inside of the house was silent. Rain pattering off the side of the house and the occasional sound of distant thunder were the only things to provide ambient noise. Also, the creepy background music from the 343 Guilty Spark level of Halo was playing pretty loudly. We're trying not to break the fourth wall in this episode though, so the sound was coming from Owlowiscious' computer. Apparently, the owl had been playing the original Halo on an emulator on his PC.

"I'm gonna get something to drink before we start this up," Dan said, walking to the kitchen. "Don't set it up until I-"

"I know, Dan," Chrys called in a knowing, melodious tone. "I can wait." For the game, yes, but for Dan? Good question. She curled up on the couch, resting her head on the top cushion as she waited for her companion. Waiting for him in more ways than one, he seemed so close and yet so far away. Her magic absent-mindedly levitated two controllers to their position while most of her attention was devoted to thinking about her man.

Dan entered the kitchen and went to the refrigerator. Twilight and Spike kept the house well-stocked with food all the time so there were always plenty of snacks to find. He reached for the sturdy door to grab a can of Mountain Daring Dew if there were any left. The door opened with a distinctive chuff.

"Zuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuule."

"Aw, crap," Dan closed the door immediately. He reached around the side of the fridge, forgetting he had activated the refrigerator's decoy defense mechanism.

"What is it?" Chrys asked from the living room.

"Nothing," Dan called back. "Forgot I set the fridge to Ghostbusters before we left." He switched the knob on the side, turning off the refrigerator's holographic projection system that made it seem like the fridge, when opened, displayed a doorway to another dimension rather than stored foodstuffs. Part of Dan's modifications to the kitchen, he purchased the fridge with the iconic movie faƧade projector specifically to confuse any guests in the house that might want to steal Dan's food.

Dan opened the fridge again, noticing that the appliance no longer contained a fake portal inside and retrieved a beverage. Closing the door, he looked outside the kitchen window to find he could barely see out. The rain was coming down heavy. He'd have to talk to Rainbow Dash and find out why there was an unscheduled storm today.

Turning back to the living room, another thing caught his eye. A plaque hung on the side of the wall next to a clock by the refrigerator. It wasn't something he'd noticed before but things had been rearranged in the house following the recent renovations. Dan squinted to take a closer look at it, he saw it had a framed photo on it and the plaque wasn't hanging from the wall; it was a carved part of the tree itself jutting out of the wall. Apparently, the shifting of the house had uncovered it.

The picture on the plaque was that of the tree itself, only newer-looking, a little smaller and younger. Two earth ponies stood in front of the tree, smiling. A brown stallion with a white mane and a young colt with a lighter brown coat and sandy mane held each other in the center of the photo. Underneath, words were cared into the wood:

Chancellor Rice Puddinghead IV and son
Golden Oakes Library est. TT-RMN
"A stable foundation today to reach a brighter future tomorrow"

Something about those words and the picture seemed familiar to Dan. It was as though he'd seen it before somewhere... well, of course he'd seen it before. He lived in the tree the picture was of but there was something about the ponies in it and... and the quote at the bottom but where did he-?

He reached into his pocket and retrieved the card that the earth stallion with the weird metal gloves gave him in Cloudsdale. Both the card and the plaque had similar slogans; they both mentioned something about the future. Was it just a coincidence?

"Whatcha looking at?" Chrys asked curiously, walking into the kitchen.

"Has this plaque always been here?" Dan asked, tapping the wooden protrusion.

Chrys leaned over his shoulder. "Huh, never noticed that before. Must've been part of the original wall before we redid the kitchen."

"Yeah..." Dan held his soft drink can against his chin, the coolness helping him think. "It looks like it's a picture of when the library was first built, a commemoration."

The changeling shrugged. "I guess. We could probably ask Twilight about it when she gets back."

Dan scratched his chin by rubbing the can. "You recognize either of the ponies in this photo?"

Chrys leaned back over Dan's shoulder. "Hmm... no, not really. Looks ancient though. If it was taken around the time the library was built, that would mean it's from just after Equestria's founding."

Dan turned to Chrys. "It says it's off some Chancellor-guy."

"Oh yeah," Chrys nodded. "Back when Equestria first started, the three pony tribes each had their own leader. Kind of a triumvirate. Earth ponies elected a chancellor, the commander of the pegasi armies led them and the unicorns had the royal family represented by the princess. That was a long time ago, though."

History hadn't been Dan's best subject but he found himself interested in Equestria's history. "How long ago was this?'

Chrys tapped her chin. "Well over a thousand years ago. Back then, most civilized creatures lived in Enchantria but it didn't really have a name at the time. For a long time, my species and the wendigos would feed off the excess emotions given by the creatures on the surface. The changelings were underground, the wendigos in the stratosphere but eventually, the changelings grew too numerous and we started going above the ground."

"And you started feeding on ponies directly on the surface?" Dan guessed.

The changeling nodded. "Not just ponies but everything. Eventually, the unicorns rose up and started developing spells to stop us, contain us and well... we got beaten," she giggled.

Dan chuckled, too. "Sounds like you got greedy, went above ground and got your flanks handed to you."

Chrys shrugged. "Kinda... would've probably been better if we tried to establish diplomatic relations first rather than just abducting ponies in the night, taking their place and leeching off their emotions by impersonating their loved ones. Oh well."

Dan rolled his eyes. "Probably."

"Anyway, Enchantria was beset on by monsters and disasters all the time until Starswirl the Bearded showed up. He took care of most of the monsters... including the changelings... but then he disappeared. Nopony knows where he went. Civilized creatures started forming tribes and leaving Enchantria, striking out to form their own nations. Zebras, griffons, donkeys, but the ponies were the last ones to leave. The crystal ponies started this huge mining operation but things changed when Sombra took over and eventually the mining caused an earthquake. Most of Enchantria was devastated and became a wasteland," Chrys explained.

Dan shook his head. "And this has what to do with the earth pony chancellor?"

"I'm getting to that," Chrys assured him. "The ponies formed their own tribes and tried to keep things going but eventually, with the climate shift, there was a famine. So, they searched for a new land and eventually found Equestria. They found out that the famine was being caused by the wendigos and that only harmony could really stop them, so Equestria was founded under the principle that all ponies should do their best to keep the harmony. And each of the cities were built to promote mutual coexistence."

Opening the can, Dan took a slug and swallowed. "So that's why all the ponies are really into this harmony stuff? They think it's keeping away monsters?"

Chrys began to pace in the kitchen. "It's more complicated than that. There's an actual magic to harmony, a force that ponies, that lots of creatures really, can tap into and use to accomplish amazing things. They... we believe that through harmony and friendship, we can do anything, build a better future."

Dan stopped mid drink when he heard the word future. What kind of a connection was there to all of this? He turned back to the plaque, looking at it. "But why isn't there a chancellor now?"

Chrys didn't have an answer for that. "I don't know. But I do know there were a few triumvirates before Discord took over Equestria. The whole 'three leaders' thing didn't work out and ponies argued over which government should be used over all Equestria and when they couldn't stop fighting over it, they feared the wendigos would come back. Then, one pony named Discovery suggested Equestria not have a government because they couldn't decide and everypony agreed. The moment they declared that, Discovery revealed himself to be Discord and he turned Equestria upside down. Literally."

The young human wasn't well-versed in politics but he did know a few things about tyranny. He looked at the picture again, studying it. "So Equestria had a chance at a representative government... but something happened. And then one day, the princess was given all the power. Or she took it."

Chrys averted her eyes, preferring not to talk ill of any princess, past, present or office. "You'd have to ask Twilight about that."

Dan rubbed his chin. "For generations apparently, there was an earth pony chancellor, a Pegasus general and a unicorn princess. And then, all of a sudden, that changed and the princess had control over everything. I'm not to sure but if I was a chancellor or a general, I wouldn't give up my position just on a whim."

The changeling shrugged. "And there's a lot of things I'd do for a Klondike bar. Speaking of which, do we have any Klondike bars?" Chrys nudged past Dan as he was still engrossed in the plaque and its meaning to open the refrigerator's freezer to retrieve one of its ice cream confections. The freezer closed a moment later. "Drat, Fluffle must've gotten to the last of them. I'm gonna go start the game up~" she cooed.

Slowly, Dan pried his attention off the wall plaque. He decided to ask Twilight about it when they got back from the spa. Dan enjoyed his position as the purple for-the-moment princess's chief of security and was eager to help her shape their own community. But how many other positions were there in the Equestrian governmental hierarchy? How many others had been in situations like his?

While Dan hated parts of it, he did like how his home country's government was structured. Dan preferred a representative government as it at least made it easy to find the people responsible and yell at them. Or abduct them and leave them naked in the woods with a list of amendments tied to a wolverine. He'd gone along with Equestria's government for a lot of reasons, foremost among them being the fact that magic was real in Equestria so he figured the rules might be different for a different world. And he had been right for the most part but hearing that this world, a world where the rules were supposed to be different had the same opportunities as Earth at one point... it made him wonder.

There was no denying Equestria had problems but that it also dealt with them in a way better than Earth. It experienced more harmony, more prosperity, a fact Dan admired about his new home. But what if not everypony saw things the same way he did? Specifically, what if another pony saw the opportunity for something else?

What if that opportunity had been denied to them? Snatched away? Squashed, squandered or sundered somehow? Ages ago, Equestria had had the same opportunity to experience a revolution the same way Earth had. For a time, there had been an elected chancellor and then the next day, there wasn't. Maybe... maybe not everypony agreed with that?

While this line of thinking was pure conjecture at the moment, Dan couldn't help but speculate. He didn't know much about Equestria's history or the countless ways the world was similar and different to Earth. He didn't know how ponies would react to the same things he'd experienced on Earth... he only knew how he reacted.

That made Dan very, very concerned.

"You coming, Dan?" Chrys called from the living room.

"Sure, yeah," Dan replied. Shaking out the questions, Dan discarded his empty beverage can and entered the living room with his game face on. He vaulted over the couch, taking position next to Chrys who immediately sifted, curling up next to him. Not that trying to see from his perspective was her goal; she just wanted to feel him against her. And not that Dan noticed for he only thought it was a ploy to gain advantage in their race.

The screen turned on, the pair selected their racers and the track to race on and within moments, they were at the digital starting line with the driving duel about to begin.

"I hope you're ready for defeat, cheater," Dan boasted. "You're about to get pounded."

"Mmmmm," Chrys purred. "Pound me, Dan." She rubbed her head on his arm, absent-mindedly playing with the end of his shirt with her perforated hoof.

Dan looked over to her brushing against him. He recoiled. "What?"

"Hm?" Chrys looked up. "What?"

"What did you just say?" Dan asked.

"I said... pound me... Dan..." the changeling admitted, redness rushing to her face and wings rising once more. She turned her head to one side. "That is, if you think you can." Her wings flicked and slowly lowered, trying to play off her slip of composure.

Naturally, Dan bought it. "Oh, eager for a beating, huh?"

She would have laughed if her estrogen wasn't boiling. "You have no idea..." she added with an inaudible murmur, "you gorgeous idiotic tease."

Rainbow Road again, the race began and the two quickly passed the incompetent A.Is. Computer-controlled players only added a sense of randomness to the match, an unknown variable to make things more interesting. Aside from using items that hindered the living, the computer players were just a nuisance compared to the skill of real drivers. Dan and Chrys left them in the dust, unable to do anything but provide future road hazards to slow them down.

As before, Dan quickly gained a commanding lead. Confidence found his way back to his face, frustration crept its way onto hers. Chrys sat on her belly, curled on the couch like an enormous cat-pony with her head and left foreleg on Dan's pants leg. The distracting feeling of his body heat underneath the blue jeans fabric was making her drool and had lead her into the wall at least three times. She longed to feel his fingers on him, running through her mane and down her back and imagining that happening was costing her the race again. Not that she cared.

She was just happy to be with Dan and out of that creepy spa... hopefully, Twilight and the others would be back soo-

A knocking came from the door. Four knocks; a first and a second followed by a third one which sounded like a hoof dragging across the surface and the fourth percussing loudly.

"Who's that?" Chrys asked. They both paused the game, looking to the door and listening. She looked to Dan. "Do... do you think that's them?"

Dan frowned back at her. "Why would Twilight knock on the door to her own house?"

Chrys' head lowered. "Because she doesn't want to interrupt us?"

The human rolled his eyes and sighed. The door was rapped again. "I'll go see who it is," he said, getting up.

A knot formed in Chrys' stomach, a cold fear. She looked out the nearby window to see the storm was still coming down. Who could've been out there? Or... what?

The door rumbled with another pair of slow knocks as Dan approached. "I'm coming!" he yelled to the other side of the door. "If you're a solicitor, your targeting parameters will be uploaded to the database for future reference!" Dan warned.

Chrys looked up from behind the couch. "Dan? I don't think that's a good idea..."

"What's not a good idea?"

"We don't know who that is..." Chrys watched.

"Uh, yeah," Dan stated flatly. "That's why I'm going to find out." The young man was smart; he peered out the peep hole to see who was beyond before opening the door. Unfortunately, the storm obscured his vision though he made out figures standing in front of the door. He checked the security terminal next to the door, something he himself installed. But the storm was hampering all sensory equipment; this was a problem he'd overlooked. He took a few seconds to try to recalibrate.

More knocking, this time more urgent.

Dan sighed heavily; he might as well open the door and get it over with. There would be time to fix the security later.

"Dan," Chrys tried to warn him one more time. "We don't know who that could be..." She crouched behind the couch's backside, eyes still focused on him.

"What are you worried about?" Dan chastised with a half smile. Grabbing the nob, he opened the door and glanced outside. "See?"

In front of the door were three ponies he'd never seen before. In fact, these three ponies were unlike any ponies he'd seen before. The light from the inside of the house illuminated their bodies revealing them to have glowing eyes, flat, unkempt manes and patches of their coats missing. They stood in front of him, momentarily blinded by the light as they stared with mouths hungrily agape and murmuring.

Dan looked back to the three visitors again to confirm his glance. He then turned again to Chrys. "See, Chrys? It's just a bunch of zombies."

"Hrrrrrrrar-ahhhrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaa," the lead zombie, a mare moaned.

Chrys' eyes were wide in shock and she froze on the other side of the couch. Dan noticed her reaction and for a moment was puzzled by it. His hand remained on the door knob as the realization finally dawned on him. He quickly spun around, looking back at the creatures.

"Haaaaaaaaaaaa," one of the zombies let out a hissing breath. Their reaction systems finally responding, their hooves moved them forward, dripping muzzles lunging to take a bite out of Dan.

Dan quickly closed the door on them. He braced himself on it and then reached over to the security console by the door. Keying a few controls, Dan remembered that the front door did not have a "zombie invasion" holographic projection sequence.

The door behind him began knocking violently as the zombponies realized there was fresh meat on the other side. Dan turned around, locking and double-locking the door before sacredly moving away from it. Shaking, the human backed up, gripped in fear.

"Dan?" Chrys peeped from behind the couch. "Dannnnn?" her voice trembled.

Dan's mind raced. "The sensors... the motion sensors were set to detect heat, the radar can't work in rain, none of the equipment we have is prepared for this contingency." His mind began to succumb to fear as he calculated his tactical mistakes. "Our defenses are useless... how could I have known I should've been preparing for this?!"

Chrys walked over to him, shaking. "Prepare... pre-prepare for what, Dan?"

The human grabbed her by the cheeks and screamed, "ZOMBIE PONIES!!!!!!!"


"ZOMBIE PONIES!" Dan yelled again.

"Zohmbeh Ponniezh?" Chrys asked, her cheeks squished by Dan's hands.

"YES!" he shook her as he panicked. "And the defenses to the house are down!"

Chrys' heart sank as her fears were confirmed. She gripped Dan's hands and the two held onto each other. "What are gonna do?!"

Dan pried off and looked back at her. "What do you mean, 'what're we gonna do?!' You've been around here for thousands of years, I'm trying to protect the house and you never think to tell me to prepare for zombies?!"

"I didn't know there'd be zombies!" Chrys said, frightened. "Zombie ponies aren't even real! They're just made-up old pony tales! The closest thing we came to those were the climate changelings but that turned out to be a hoax and-" A pounding noise cut her off. Hungry groans echoed through the door followed by the scratching of hooves.

He shook her again. "We're not talking about some made-up stories, some legend or some best-selling video game! This is REAL! They're right outside the door!"

"You're sure all the defenses are offline?!" Chrys asked.

"The turrets sensors were calibrated to detect heat, not the living dead!" Dan confirmed.

"Well, can't we re-target them or something?!" A loud crunch punctuated Chrys' statement.

Dan thought quickly. He'd memorized the enclosed instruction booklet that came with the Greatly Efficient Tactically Optimized Fast Firing Multi-Assault Independent Laser Armored Weapons Network and knew that the turrets couldn't be altered from the inside without adding themselves to the targeting roster. As one of his more genius(at least he thought) ideas, Dan modified the concealed turrets surrounding the perimeter of the house so that they had to be adjusted from both the control station inside the house and manually outside or they would fire on whoever tried to mess with them. Non-lethal stun beams, of course... at first.

"We can't add the zombies to the targeting system without adding ourselves, too!" Dan yelled. "We'd have to activate the system from inside and then be outside for the turrets to differentiate between us and the zombies, then remove our own telemetry from the computer!"

"But... why can't we do that?! There's only three zombies outside and they're preoccupied with the door now!" Chrys said.

"We'd still have to be in two places at once! If we try to manipulate the turret's sensors from the outside, they'll activate on us and if we try to activate them from the inside, they won't scan us!" Dan paced, exasperatedly thinking. "Whoever was on the outside would still be on the roster and whoever was inside wouldn't be scanned!"

Chrys grabbed Dan's face. "WHY DID YOU MAKE THE SECURITY SYSTEM SO COMPLICATED?! HOW DO YOU RESET THE TARGETING SYSTEM WHEN YOU CAN'T BE TWO PLACES AT ONCE?!"

Dan shrugged. "I usually teleported with Twilight! It's an extra layer of defense so that only we would know how to use the system!"

Chrys growled. "WELL FAT LOTTA GOOD THAT DOES US NOW THAT SHE'S A ZOMBIE!"

The human grabbed Chrys' hooves and lowered them. "We're not sure she's a zombie yet! We don't know who those zombies were outside!"

A portion of the door broke off in the living room, wood smashing as a mangled hoof stuck through. The growling grew louder, more eager. They were running out of time.

"Can you teleport us?!" Dan asked. He practically had to yell over the groans.

Chrys knew how to teleport but not very far. She was just learning it with Twilight and could barely do it a few feet, much less through solid objects at the time. "No... but maybe there's another way."

"What way?! How are we going to be at the control console AND in front of the turret sensors at the same time?!" Dan demanded.

"We aren't," Chrys said. A green flame engulfed her and her body had changed. "You are."

A smile spread over the original Dan's space. "I knew there was a reason I made you my XO when I became a guard captain."

The other Dan beamed. "Because I won't get stuck to the ceiling or randomly remake the house in the image of my secret crush?"

Dan chuckled. "That, too." He grabbed the changed changeling by the wrist and led her to the backdoor of the house. "And I'm pretty sure if you had a secret crush, I'd know about it."

Chrys' original eyes momentarily broke through her human faƧade. She still had difficulty transforming into humans and Dan's obliviousness to her affection did not help her concentration. Summoning some magic again, she refocused and her eyes flared green, returning to copies of Dan's.

The two approached the door of the kitchen. "All right, you're going to have to stay out there while I align the controls from in here. The zombies are at the front door you should be fine as long as you're quiet."

Chrys nodded. "Okay. Is there anything special I have to do?"

"No," Dan reached for the door. "Just stand there and the turrets will do the work. On the zombies," he clarified.

"Uh huh," she nodded.

"It'll be fine," Dan assured her. "As long as the zombies are on the other side of the house, we'll have the defenses up and running in no time." He opened the backdoor.

"Greeeeeeeeeeeeh," three voices murmured.

It took both of them a moment to realize the zombies weren't the same ones from the front door but rather, three new ones. The reason it took them so long to notice was that these three were smaller.

Dan's heart sank. "Oh, flank me."

"Cuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttie Marrrrrrrrrrrrrrk Crusaderssssssssssss... legion of the undeadddddddddddd... yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..." Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle's forms lurched towards the doorway with adorable, yet horrifying clumsiness. Their eyes glowed, their mouths dripped some kind of saliva and their manes were a horrible mess of twigs and... cucumbers?

Dan slammed the door and pressed his back against it. The sound of three heads bumping into the wood frame behind him reverberated through the wall. It was followed by zombie filly giggles and then more groans.

"It's those three again!" Dan yelled. "What are they even doing here?!"

Chrys, returning to her original form in a flash, shrugged. "Trying to get their cutie marks in... eating brains?"

The human turned an un-amused frown on his cohort. "They flanked us. It's all right; we still have another way out! Follow me!" Dragging the changeling again, he took her down the hallway into the new command and control wing of library. He took her down the hallway, past the hangar and to an emergency exit at the end.

"Okay, same plan as before, we get outside, we get the turrets set up and then-" he opened the door. "And let them deal with the zombies. All right?"

Chrys' eyes stared out the doorway. "Um, Dan?"

A large, red figure stood in their way. A pair of glowing eyes stared back them.

"Big... Big Mac?!" Chrys muttered. "Big Mac's a zombie?!!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyup," the shambling stallion answered.

Dan slammed the door on the new arrival but was nearly pushed out of the way. Chrys helped him secure the emergency exit against the work pony's strength, pressing her own back against the door until it finally closed.

"What're we gonna do now? WHAT THE HAY ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?!" Chrys screamed. "We're screwed! That's it! Game over, Dan! Game over!"

"No! NO!" Dan denied. "The game's not over until we're the last ones standing! Alive or otherwise!"

Something slammed into the door behind them, something heavy. The two backed away from it.

"We're safe in the house... we're safe in the house..." Chrys muttered to herself.

Dan tapped her. "And when they get in the house?"

Chrys' eyes went wide again. "GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! GET OUT OF THE HOU-"

He grabbed her again. "I JUST SPENT THE LAST WEEK TRYING TO REBUILD THIS HOUSE! I'M NOT LETTING SOME BRAINLESS CORPSES WRECK IT AGAIN!"

"But... but what do we do?!" Chrys trembled.

Dan looked her straight in the eyes. "We do what we can. If we know Twilight, she probably has half a dozen books on fighting zombies. We're gonna go upstairs, you're gonna look for a book on zombies and I'm going to do what I do best."

"Wha-what are you going to do?" Chrys inquired in a frightened tone.

He looked into the distance with a confident smirk and replied, "I'm going to sweep the perimeter."


Disasters, emergency situations, crisis didn't create character; it revealed it and Dan was a crisis character. While he reinforced the structure at various points, boarded the windows and doors, Chrys searched Twilight's library for a solution to zombies.

"Have you found anything yet?!" Dan called as he bolted an empty bookshelf to the damaged front door.

Chrys' head popped up from a pile of books in the living room. "Not really..."

"What's that supposed to mean?!!" he yelled as he smashed a clawing hoof back through the door breach.

"Well, there's a lot of books here..."

Dan and even some of the zombies glared at Chrys' obvious statement through the broken doorway.

She glared back at them. "There's a LOT of books on ZOMBIES here but they're mostly fiction... and even fan fiction..."

"That doesn't help us!" Dan yelled. "Maybe Twilight has her own emergency plans! Check her room!" He batted back the zombies with a cordless power drill and slapped a wood panel over the hole.

"Okay," Chrys nodded. "You gonna be okay down here?"

A crash from the kitchen indicated Dan had more work to do. "I'll be fine- just keep looking!"

"All right! I'll be right back!" Chrys flew, unstiffening her wings for what felt like the umpteenth time today and flying to Twilight's room. Fortunately, the zombies were behaving much like typical zombies and not climbing the structure so there were no breaches on the top floor. The changeling searched through Twilight's private book collection for anything regarding the undead.

Strangely though, Twilight's own book collection was small. Unbeknownst to Chrys, the purple mare had actually reorganized her own stash lately and was really only focused on one book at the time. Not only that, the only book in her room lay open on her desk next to an unlit lamp trained on its pages.

Not finding anything else, Chrys decided to check it. Predictably, the book was a spell book opened to a bit of magic Twilight must've been researching at the time. Some kind of transformation spell, it looked as though it was designed to allow unicorns to become alicorns... or maybe the opposite. Although time was of the essence, Chrys couldn't help but notice how the spells were written. The book was filling of conjecture, theories and even warnings but it seemed like the author was detailing an absurd list of options for somepony seeking a last resort.

The front of the title of the book read in an odd, bold imprint: Arcane Apology.

The book listed ways of controlling ponies' minds, hypnotizing them and detailed how magic worked on different creatures, like experiments. She didn't find what she was looking for but she did see an interesting piece of advice. Towards the beginning, a spell on reversing magic had been dog-eared and a note had been written at the top of the page: Sometimes going backwards means going forwards... and in reverse. Maybe if she tried using reversing magic on the zombies, treating it like they were cursed, could that cure them?

Chrys trotted back down to the living room. "I think I found something, Dan," she called to him. "But I need to test it."

"Test what?" Dan asked from the kitchen. "You find some magical mystery cure-all spell up there?"

"Not exactly but... we need to capture a zombie."

Dan's power drill stopped spinning as his mind processed Chrys' statement. "You mean... you want me to let one of the things IN the house?"

Chrys tapped her chin. "Well, I hadn't really thought about how but that's actually a good idea."

"Good idea? GOOD IDEA?!" Dan stopped fortifying the house to approach his comrade. "We've spent the last half hour trying to keep those things OUT of the house and now you want to let one IN?!"

"We're out of options, Dan. We can't just keep fixing these barricades forever," Chrys said. As she made that remark, Dan zipped around to the three locations in the house to quickly rebuild the breaking barricades before the zombies could invade. It would've been easier if he'd had a TEAM though but CoD's zombie mode had taught him much about covering weak points.

"Speak for yourself! I can do this all day!"

"Dan..." Chrys approached him, stopping him as he ran to nail yet another board to the pile of wood attached to the front door.

"What is it?" he asked. "C'mon, Chrys if I don't keep this up we're... we're..." he stopped when he saw her expression. This wasn't a battle he could win his way. This was Wario Stadium in real life for Dan. Which meant it was time to try something else. The nails in the corner of his mouth hit the floor along with wood, his power drill, tool belt, holographic Omni-tool, Jack Ryan's wrench, Gordon Freeman's crowbar, Mario's Ultra Hammer and Ford Prefect's towel.

Dan nodded at Chrys. "All right... we do things your way."


The front door to the library creaked under pressure. Despite Dan's installation of high-powered weapons systems, the structure of the Golden Oakes Library was still made of wood as it had been before it fell over. It was still a living tree, no matter how many electrical outlets, power converters or additional pylons Dan constructed on it. The recent renovations had only reinforced the necessary parts of the tree house leaving most of the doors and exterior portions the same quality they had been before. Dan had made a mental note to correct that problem... if they survived.

Zombie ponies, as was the nature of all undead, were drawn to movement and activity. As such, when the small groups of zombies banged on the doors of Twilight's library, more began to gather until the lawn became lurching-room-only. A legion of glowing eyes and drooling mouths were turned towards the tree as a chorus of hungry growls and mournful moans drowned out all other sound. Like an angry mob, they surrounded the Golden Oakes Library, the few closest to the structure pounding on it with hooves, heads and horns while the rest shuffled over each other or aimlessly about.

Dan found it only slightly more annoying than the average solicitor. From behind the couch moved from the living room over to the stairway closet, they watched the front door as the zombie ponies continued bashing against it. Several holes had already appeared around the sides through which mangled hooves attempted to grasp but the door itself remained hinged and shut. Dan's propriety for multiple locks had ensured the door remained in its place despite being compromised.

Without the additional reinforcements Dan had attempted to weld bolt into place, the door's locks were rapidly degenerating. Both he and Chrys felt their hearts pounding as they waited for the first trotters to break through.

Chrys looked to Dan next to her, seeing the concern they both shared. She put a hoof on his forearm. "Dan... if this doesn't work..."

"It'll work. It has to work," Dan nodded, gaze fixed on the door.

"But, what I'm saying is, if you have another plan-"

"I always have another plan," Dan said. He broke eye contact with the door and they both looked at each other for one full moment. "Always. But we can't try any of them."

"Why not?" Chrys asked.

Dan turned back to the door. "The difference between this plan and the others..." he trailed off.

"What?"

"This plan has to work. Because while I do always have another plan, none of them will work. I have them... but I already know they won't work."

Chrys swallowed hard.

Finally, the door to the house broke open. It broke off its hinges and hit the floor, breaking into two solid chunks. The first of the zombie ponies that had been immediately in front of the door fell with it, her comrades quickly trampling her under hoof. But their eager hunger caused them to become stuck in the doorway as too many bodies struggled to be the first inside.

Chrys looked up from the couch, her fear momentarily squelched from sheer awe at stupidity. "Really? I mean... really?"

Dan stood himself. "NOT ALL AT ONCE YOU DEAD DOLTS!" Chrys had to wonder if he was going to try and spray them with the hose until they formed a single-file line.

To their credit, good manners had been so effectively prevalent in Equestrian society that Dan's shouting did cause some of the crowding corpses to slow their struggling, allowing the ones ahead of them to squeeze forward. Somewhere, deep in the minds of the ponies were parts of who they had been still holding sway of muscle control over animalistic cravings. Still, once courtesy had been observed, the glowing-eyed trotters resumed their fervent, clumsy strides to feed on Dan and Chrys.

"All right, they're inside, Chrys. You ready?" Dan asked.

She nodded her response, watching the approaching zombies. The crowd outside quickly began filing in, the trampled mare now crawling on the floor. Some of the zombies meandered once in the living room; one stallion's muzzle brushed an entire shelf of books to the paneling before he himself fell over. But the first pair were still focused on Dan and Chrys, making their way over to the house's only non-zombie occupants.

"Eww," Chrys remarked. "They're tracking zombie goo on the floor."

"Just make sure that none of it's on you. They're almost in position..." Dan gripped the edge of the couch.

"I'm ready, Dan," Chrys said, frightened but determined.

Dan watched as the zombies lurched towards them, crossing the foyer, trailing rose-colored goo on the throw rug. More poured in, quickly forming a mob behind the first lucky visitors. One of them brushed against the N64 and bumped into the television, not entirely noticing Dan and Chrys. Three of them, three mares continued getting closer, closer, until finally they were in the center of the living room.

"NOW! DROP IT!" Dan yelled.

A ray shot from Chrys' horn and severed a rope attached to the ceiling. Bookshelves, furniture, pieces of plywood, an anvil, a refrigerator, a safe, a weighted companion cube, a Thwomp and an autographed copy of Ayn Reignd's Atlas Squeed all dropped onto the zombies from above. They crushed the three ghouls and plunged through the floor, dropping down through the living room.

"YES!" Dan jumped up triumphantly. "Now move the couch!" With only seconds to react, the pair used the couch as a battering ram and pushed the zombies out of the house. They had to swerve to catch a few stragglers but Dan's strength and Chrys' levitation magic used the overturned sofa's cushions like a shovel to scoop up the zombies and force them back out through the front door. When they were done, they quickly bolted the couch to the sides of the doorway and placed pieces of the door around the holes to block out further breaches. Finally, Dan hung a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob even though it now faced the inside of the house. "That should hold them for a while. TO THE BASEMENT!!"

Another new addition to the house, the basement was actually Spike's contribution to the reconstruction(along with an eight-meter tall freestanding marble sculpture of Rarity none of them wanted to talk about.) Unlike the command and control aspects of the tree house, the basement hadn't been planned; rather, after an accident created it, Spike put up walls, dredged groundwater and attached the new room to the foundation and gave it a floor that connected to the roots of the tree. The basement's only way in or out apart from the new gaping hole above it was a dumbwaiter that connected to the kitchen, presumably so a certain baby dragon could come down and have a quiet place to secretly design new artwork representing a white unicorn mare.

With Dan riding on Chrys' back, the pair descended from the hole in the living room, careful not to land within bite range of the zombies. The moment they touched down, Chrys plucked a squirming zombie pony from the pile or refuse. Dan cleared the nearby table of several creepily intimate drawings of Rarity and Chrys plopped the zombie on it with a wet thud. The creature, formerly a mare, slobbered and struggled weakly to stand as its limbs, mouth and even tail wriggled to gnash at its captors.

"Great, we got one. Now you can find out what's wrong with her so we can solve this whole thing," Dan stated. "I'm up for any solution. Removing the head, destroying the brain, finding the subject zero, retrieving the anti-virus... something with bees or experimental drugs."

"Yeah, umm," Chrys pinned the zombie to the table with her magic. "I just uh, need you to do me one little thing."

"What's that?" Dan asked skeptically.

"Restrain her," she head-gestured to the zombie with a smile.

Dan's eyes darted between her and the creature. "With what? You want me to wave a brain under her nose to distract her?!"

"No, Dan..." she dismissed his sarcasm. "Where would we find a brain at this hour, anyway?"

Dan shrugged. "No clue."

"Well, we have to find something to hold her down. I can't hold her down and use the reverse spell at the same time," Chrys said.

Dan looked around. "Wait, I got it," he ducked underneath the table for a second. When he came back up, he was holding a pile of pink mass.

"Do... do I want to know what that is?"

He sniffed it. "It's bubblegum. Probably from when Flim and Flam had to use that crazy robot and its 'solution' had to pry us off."

"What's it doing under the table?" Chrys had to ask.

"Spike was making Rarity sculptures out of it."

Chrys shuddered. "I didn't want to know..."

"Well, at least we know it's sticky enough to restrain her," Dan said, moving to the zombie. Using her magic, Chrys held out one of the zombie mare's back legs for Dan to secure to the table. He grabbed a wad of gum and stuck it to the surface.

"Hmmm huh? What?"

"Did she just..." Chrys' jaw dropped.

"Where am I? Who are you... changelings?!"

Dan shook his head in disbelief. "She's alive?!"

The former zombie mare looked around. She was in a small, dark room with the queen of the changelings and an alien holding down her legs. Her heart began to race as her mind began to jump to extremely unpleasant conclusions. "Please... please, no," the mare trembled.

"Her eyes have stop glowing," Chrys said. She released her magic hold and walked over to her. "What happened?"

"Stay back!" she scrambled to the edge of the table. "Get your tentacles away from me! GET AWAY! HELP!"

"Calm down!" Dan yelled, shaking her. "We're not gonna hurt you! We don't have... tentacles. I'm just a human and she's a changeling!" Naturally, Dan assumed that when the mare mentioned tentacles, she was demonstrating a simple ignorance at having never met a human or changeling before instead of what she was really thinking.

The mare looked back and fourth between the two strangers. Dan released her legs and she recoiled. "Whu-why am I here? What is this place?"

"This is our basement," Chrys said. "And I know this is gonna be kind of a shock to you but... you were a zombie just a few seconds ago."

"A-a zombie?" she appeared scared. "Like... I was drugged? Hypnotized?" The mare looked over herself, still confused or frightened.

"Yeah, hypnotized into having a two-course meal of country-fried changeling and human hamburger!" Dan yelled in protest.

The mare looked confused. "Country-fried... what? I was trying- trying to eat both of you?"

Chrys nodded. "From what we can figure. Your eyes were glowing and you kept moaning, lurching and shambling towards us. Like a zombie."

"I was a zombie?" the mare asked, beginning to understand. "You mean like those two behind you?"

Dan turned around to see the other two mares reaching out to grab him from behind. He then turned back to Chrys and the mare. "Yes, exactly like those two."

"Uh, Dan?"

Realization hit Dan and he double-taked. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" the human yelled, dodging the first zombie's downward bite. With nothing else nearby, Dan swung a gum-clutching fist at the mares, whapping both with a chewy pink flap. It smacked against both of them, soaking their faces in a greenish residue.

"Hey!"

"Ow!" both mares said.

"What?" Dan asked in disbelief.

"What did I just get hit with?" one asked.

"Where... are we?" the other questioned. "Oh crap... don't tell me there's gonna be tentacles."

Chrys and Dan ignored them, both looking at the gum as Dan held it up to the light. "It's the gum! Or... the SOLUTION! Whatever Flim and Flam sprayed us with to get us unstuck, that's what's curing them of their zombification!"

"Flim and Flam did say it was a cure-all..." Chrys remembered back. "I can't believe those actually sold something that worked."

Dan grinned. "Ah, but remember? This is a free sample."

"Well, it obviously is what cures the zombies but how do we get more of it?"

One of the mares wiped their face and sniffed. "Hey... this stuff smells like that new oil we got at the spa."

"Yeah, it does!" the other remarked.

"Wait, I knew I saw you three before!" Chrys said. "You're the three ponies that usually work at the spa, aren't you?"

The first one they'd awakened nodded, getting off the table. "Yeah, all three of us. Why? Does that seem strange?"

Dan and Chrys both deadpan frowned at the ponies. "Together, Dan?" Chrys asked.

"Gladly." Both of them took deep breaths, closed their eyes, raised rage-fueled limbs to the ceiling and yelled:

"SPA DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


The spa ponies uncovered their ears.

"Okay... why did you guys just yell 'spa day'?"

"Never mind that," Dan held up the gum again. "You're saying more of the carnies' tonic is at the spa?"

The mares nodded. "We were on the way back from getting some potions from Zecora when Flim and Flam just came up to us in the middle of the Everfree Forest. They gave us tons of free massage oils and a bunch of other junk. We didn't know what to do with most of it but then one of our customers suggested we use it to automate the spa, make things more modern."

Dan and Chrys exchanged looks. "Flim and Flam offered you something for FREE... and you just took it?"

Again, the three nodded. "They seemed kinda in a hurry to be rid of the stuff."

Dan facepalmed. "Ya know, it makes sense that you ponies would be easy to zombify... CONSIDERING HOW LITTLE YOU USE YOUR BRAINS!"

Chrys gave her companion a frown. "So, there's more of this stuff back at the spa?"

"Yeah, they gave us like a dozen barrels of it. It should be in the storeroom on the east side."

"All right, so we know where it is," Chrys said. "All we have to do is get it and somehow get it to... everypony in town. That shouldn't be too hard."

Dan returned her frown. "Fighting through hordes of zombies, distributing a cure to the entire population and our only weapon is used wad of bubblegum?" he held up the gum wad and smiled. "I don't think we brought enough for everypony."

Chrys looked at the gum and considered her options. "Getting across the town isn't the problem; once we get to the spa, we're gonna need something to protect ourselves on the inside."

"Hey! Maybe I can use you as a gun like I did with Twilight!" Dan shouted enthusiastically. "Why didn't we think of that before?"

The would-be weapon shook her head. "I don't know Twilight's repulsion spells. Most of my offensive magic is only useful on single targets in large bursts; it's kind of that way for all changelings. We're used to being the horde, not fighting one."

"Drat..." Dan's head sunk. While he was disappointed that the idea wouldn't work, he was more disappointed that he wouldn't be able to use another pony minigun to solve a problem. "Would've been so easy just to gun all of them down."

"Dan," Chrys' voice was appalled. "We're not trying to hurt anypony! We can save them all if we can find a way to distribute the cure to the whole population! But I don't know how we could get the tonic to all of them without just dumping it into the water supply. Even then, I don't think zombies need to stay hydrated."

"No..." Dan thought. "But they can be hydrated."

"What do you mean?"

"The clouds!" Dan pointed up. "It was cloudy when we got back! If we can somehow mix it with the water, we can make it rain and de-zombify the whole town!"

Chrys raised an eyebrow. "And you know how to control the weather?"

The human held up a convenient brochure. "Learned all about it while I was searching for Derpy. Once the clouds are in position, you just add whatever chemical you need to the main hub and it mixes it in with the water. Hit the switch and you've got whatever weather you want."

"And you know where all this is?"

Dan held the brochure up unfolded and pointed to a map. "Right next to the gift ship."

Chrys facehooved. "All right, that solves the hard part, now all we need is a way to get past all the zombies."

"You're sure you can't be a machine gun?" Dan asked. He walked around to her back. "Maybe your safety's just on."

"My what?" Chrys asked, redness finding her cheeks again.

The spa ponies watched Dan's closer examination with wide eyes. "Hawt."

"No... darn. You're different than Twilight," he remarked.

She looked back to him. "You mean that in a good way... right?"

"Hmmm..." Dan rubbed his chin, distracted. Using a pony as a makeshift rifle wasn't the most complicated procedure. Unicorns and similar ponies created, absorbed and stored magic through most of their bodies and controlled focused it outwardly through their horns. But while the horn was the concentration of this magic, it could still be controlled using other parts of the body through proper stimulation of muscles. When Dan, Pinkie Pie or another pony twirled a unicorn's tail, the reflexive action caused a burst of magic to be launched from the horn.

Using a unicorn as a gun was actually practical in some situations as it allowed the pony to focus on channeling and concentrating while the individual focused on aiming and timing. The end result was a team effort that maximized the efficiency of the pair and allowed for much faster and controlled magical attacks. Not only that, trigger-happy and violence-craving individuals like Dan relished the opportunity to use a magical machinegun.

Dan thought. "Maybe if we-"

"Dan!" Chrys 180'd, "we're not using me as a minigun! I don't work that way! You might as well holster my horn because it's not getting used to shoot anything!"

A grin formed over Dan's face. "Maybe not to shoot anything..." He took the gum wad and stuck it on Chrys' horn. "Maybe just to jab something!"

For a moment, the changeling was dumbfounded. She stared at the pink ball at the end of her horn. "Did... did you seriously just stick used bubblegum to my horn?"

Dan nodded triumphantly. "And you're going to use it to stick it to any zombies who try to get near us."

Chrys couldn't help a disgusted expression from forming on her face. "I... I am?" Moving her head from side-to-side, she had to admit that it didn't come off easily, despite that it was revolting.

"A single smack should be good enough to un-zombie a few ponies," he climbed on her back. "Now, let's get going! Let's end this flesh-eating nightmare before Nightmare Night!"

"If this doesn't work, you're cleaning my horn next week!" Chrys warned, taking to the sky with Dan on top of her. They ascended out of the hole and back into the living room.

"That's cool!" one of the mares in the basement said. "You can just leave us here! We'll be fine with all the zombies all over the place."

"Hey," another one of them said, "look at this." She held up a diagram. "It looks like a statue or something." The spa trio looked over the chart, intrigued.

The barricades they set up were still holding but zombies still crowded the outside of the library.

"Twilight would be happy Golden Oakes is seeing this much attention," Chrys remarked.

"Yeah," Dan agreed. "And I wouldn't mind testing the telemetry sensors on not-mindless targets for once."

"Let's not open the doors for them while she's gone," Chrys said confidently. "I'll take us out through the upstairs window. Hang on!"

The changeling flew up the stairs and into Twilight's room. They paused only briefly to open the window, hover out and close it behind them before flying away and leaving the library behind them. Owlowiscious barely even noticed the two as they swept through Twilight's room; he was busy playing Team Left 4 Half-Portal 32.

Although they'd originally theorized that the majority of the zombie ponies were around the library, it was clear to Dan and Chrys as they flew over Ponyville that they had underestimated the horde's numbers. The streets were filled with glowing eyes and trotting, tumbling flesh-eaters. A myriad of colorful coats made it difficult even to see the road underneath them. It was like a sea of zombies all groaning, moaning and waiting for the next meal to make itself known to them.

"Wow," Chrys looked down. "I guess the town looks ready for Nightmare Night."

Taking the opportunity to capitalize on the moment, Dan pulled out his cell phone and entered camera mode. He focused on a large section of the street and snapped a picture. "Fantastic!"

Still maintaining their course, Chrys took a moment to look over her shoulder at Dan. "Don't start saying you've covered wars, now."

"Ah, but you know I'm a proud veteran of the war at home," Dan said confidently.

"Let's make sure you don't lose this one, cap." Chrys gunned her wings and accelerated towards the spa.

As they passed through town, a couple earth ponies on a rooftop nearby took notice of the situation as well. Unlike the rest of the town, their eyes weren't glowing.

"Is that it?" Michael asked.

"No," Barro, replied for the eleventh time. He held his head in his hooves as Michael gestured to the horde of zombies on the street below.

"What about that? Is that it?"

"No."

"Is that the line? Is that the line for the raffle?"

Barro sighed. "If you ask me that again, I'm pushing you over the side."

Michael said nothing but continued searching.

It only took Chrys and Dan a couple minutes to reach the spa from the air. With Dan on her back, the queen hadn't flown as fast as she could, lest her boyfriend(in her mind) fall off to the waiting maws below. They hovered above the entrance, taking a moment to survey the situation.

"Guess it was too much to ask for the place to be deserted," Chrys said. The area was surrounded, just like the library. It looked as though the zombie horde had no end.

"Well, I actually thought about that, too," Dan informed Chrys. "Remember when you said you weren't like Twilight?"

Chrys turned around. "Yeah..."

The human leaned forward on her back, displaying a rare, soft smile. "Do you think you could act more like her?"

"What do you mean?" she asked skeptically.

Dan's smile never faded. He added with a wink, "You know what I mean."

"Ohhhhhhhh," Chrys nodded. She smiled back at him.


The reception area of the spa, like the outside, was packed with zombies. Their moans echoed off the walls as they meandered about, bumping into things in a clumsy fashion. Their manes dripped wet with the solution that had zombified them, trickling to the floor along with their own saliva.

Spike could see all of this from his position at the receptionist's desk, but he couldn't do anything about it. Bound to the chair and gagged, the small dragon was helpless as he watched the zombies meander about. For some reason, the zombie ponies didn't seem interested in him, however. It was probably because of the rabbit mask attached to his head; maybe it confused them somehow. He wasn't eager to test this theory, so for the past few hours since Yes Man had captured him in the bathroom, Spike had been trying to use his tail to position himself closer to the edge of the desk and possibly use it to cut his bindings. Not that he'd had much luck.

Every so often, the zombies would approach the desk and he would stop, feeling his heart pound as he tried to keep silent. Each time, they'd give up and walk away but it hadn't helped his situation. He didn't know if trying to untie himself would alert the zombies but he had to try; he had to help Twilight and the others.

Taking another deep breath, the imprisoned dragon made another attempt to get closer to the edge of the desk. All was quiet as he lowered his tail and pushed off the floor with the tip, gaining another inch. Again, he felt his heart pounding in his chest. Every breath was pained as he tried to remain quiet. A little closer now... a little closer and then-

BRRRRRRRAAAAAM!

Something struck the entrance doors and would've sent Spike out of his chair if he hadn't been tied to it. Eyes wide, he looked to the door as the sound struck again.

BBBBBBBBBRRRRRBRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAM!!

Fear found Spike again. His eyes froze as he watched the door. What could it be? A tank? A charger? Bloater? Necromorph Brute? Dozens of possibilities flashed through Spike's mind before-

Br-Braaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! A horn penetrated the door and cut down the center. It sawed the length from top to bottom and then the entire door exploded open.

"Attention, zombies!" Dan shouted as he entered, holding a Twilight Sparkle in both hands like an uplifted chainsaw. "Your spa day's about to be... cut short!"

"Mmmmmmammmmm?!!" Spike muffled at the sight from behind his mask.

The sound of a chainsaw filled the air and Dan swung Twilight's horn in the direction of the nearest zombie. Strangely enough though, Twilight's horn was shaped like Chrys' and appeared somehow... pink. Spike watched as the zombie lunged at Dan and Twilight, only for Dan to dodge and slice off the pony's mane. The zombified stallion's lunge turned into a dive and he slumped to the floor, eye glow fading.

Two more zombies advanced on the duo from opposite sides. Without turning, Dan used the "butt" of his gun to bash one mare in the face, with Chrys-Twilight delivering a quick kick shortly after. He then quickly swiped Twi-Chrys' horn to slice the mane off the other zombie, causing it to fall to the floor.

Twi-Chrys leapt from Dan's arms to chop the mane off the fallen mare while Dan secured the door behind them. Within moments, they'd secured the reception area and created some breathing space but there were still zombies in the spa. Picking up Twi-Chrys again, Dan easily outmaneuvered the zombies that advanced from the reception area, cutting off manes and rendering dozens of ponies bald but also unzombified. Due to exhaustion, the recovered ponies went unconscious the moment their hair was removed and their eyes returned to normal.

When Dan and Chrys were done, the foyer was a pile of ponies and various colors of pony hair. Dan huffed as he held his trusty chainsaw mare, satisfied with his job. "So that's how you deal with zombie ponies... a buck to the head or destroying the mane."

Chrys changed back to her normal form and brushed some loose mane off his shoulder. "You got red on you."

"Ha," Dan laughed, "we're not done yet. Let's go get the tonic and then distribute it to the town before we have to make them all bald."

It was then they noticed Spike struggling on the chair. "MMMM! MMMM-MMM!"

"Spike?" Chrys walked over and used her magic to untie him.

The dragon spat the gag out of his mouth. "Dan! Chrys! Thank Celestia you guys showed up!"

"Here to save you all from your own naĆÆve natures once again," Dan dusted off his hands. "How did you get tied up?"

"It was that robot-guy," Spike said. "All I did was ask where the bathroom was and he tried to spray me with that pink stuff Twilight and the others were soaking in. But I guess it didn't work on me... so he tied me up and left me here."

"Where's the other receptionist?" Chrys asked, picking up the rabbit mask and setting it on the desk.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her since we last saw her. But Yes Man's still here..." Spike said.

"Where are Twilight and the others?" Dan asked.

Spike turned and pointed down the hall, to the central area where they went previously. "They're still in the hot tubs... Yes Man... he's doing something to them."

"Doing what- hey, wait!"

Dan didn't have to ask what. He knew where his friends were and he was on his way to help them. Spike and Chrys broke into a trot to follow him, trailing behind as Dan hurried.

The interior of the spa didn't have any zombies, at least none the group could see. Pink liquid dripped from the ceiling and pooled on the floor in some spaces in small amounts. Dan didn't notice any of it as he sprinted down the hallway into the central area he'd only left a couple short hours before. Spike and Chrys did however, along with a strangely sweet violin music flowing from the speakers.

Dan was able to spot Twilight and the rest of their friends instantly. Still occupying the same hot tubs as before, the water was turned a sickly pink and being siphoned by tubes and pumped up into the ceiling. Unlike the other zombies, their eyes swam in a myriad of colors and images: pictures plastered on the walls.

As he walked closer, he nearly stepped on something- Yes Man. The robot's spherical body lay on the floor, screen turned off. Dan prodded it once with his foot and resisted the urge not to kick its display in. He looked at his friends, their mouths hanging open, twitching every now and then as if mouthing words. They were in a trance of some kind. Turning around, Dan saw their eyes were projecting images on the walls behind him like some sort of twisted drive-in movie. He recognized himself if several of the pictures and instantly realized he was watching their memories.

It was then Dan noticed another figure at the back of the room. With the red light, it was hard to see anything but the dark cloak the individual was wearing but it was clear to Dan this was another pony. He was about to say something when Chrys and Spike caught up to him.

"Hey, did you find..." Chrys' voice trailed off when she trotted into the room. She and Spike noticed Dan staring at the wall and turned to see what he saw.

"What the h-"

"Hi there!" a chipper voice said from behind them. "Have you come back to join your friends?"

The three spun around to see Yes Man, now hovering in front of them. Unlike before though, his display screen was blood red and his eyes were dark.

"You! What the hell have you done to our friends?!" Dan shouted in a rage. He leapt to grab the robot but it dodged.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't let you disassemble me. That would make it hard for me to complete my mission," the robot politely informed them.

"Your mission?" Spike repeated.

"That's right- my mission!" the robot hovered over to where the mares in the hot tubs sat, still soaking. "I'm a Future Integrations Stable-Tec mk. 1 Safebot! My job is to observe Twilight Sparkle and her companions and relay data back to Stable 5! And to secure Equestria's future no matter the cost!"

"Stable-what?" Dan asked.

"Or, it was," the robot continued. "I was reprogrammed by the Ponyville Spa's management to provide all guests with the maximum amount of relaxation!"

"Relaxed?!" Dan shouted. "You're turning ponies into zombies! How did you even do that?!"

Yes Man's display flickered. "My programming doesn't seem to have quite harmonized yet... but my old directive provided a solution!" he fluttered over to one of the machines siphoning the bubbling pink liquid from Twilight and the others' tubs. "Using the same potion that powers the zebra empire's new prototype Magic Gear ZEUS, I developed a tonic to suppress a pony's personality along with all their stress, worries, concerns, sense of pain, emotions, excitement, higher reasoning, intelligence and dozens of other superfluous cognitive functions!"

Chrys looked in horror and the pink liquid surrounding her friends. Their mouths hung open as if frozen, though murmuring. Not unlike when she put Shining Armor in a trance. "That pink stuff, that's the potion! It was in the other ponies' manes!"

"I found the best way to distribute the relaxation tonic was by way of the clouds!" Yes Man happily revealed. "All it took was a light shower and now everypony in town is at the peak of relaxation! Isn't that nice?"

"Nice... nice..." Dan fumed. "You think turning ponies, TURNING MY FRIENDS INTO ZOMBIES IS NICE?!!"

"Well, of course I do!" Yes Man replied. He hovered closer to Dan and his voice dropped an interval. "Don't you see? This is a way to ensure my programming isn't violated. Equestria's future will be safe and everypony will be relaxed, calm and carefree. Forever."

The robot was right in his face. Dan couldn't contain himself; he grabbed Yes Man by the sides of his metal frame and delivered a punch to his face.

"Grah!" Dan's fist cracked the screen of the bot but wasn't too kind on his wrist either. And although the screen was gouged, Yes Man didn't flinch.

A pair of metallic arms grabbed Dan and lifted him up. The thrusters carrying the robot pushed off the ground and Dan was raised off his feet. "You seem a bit tense, my friend. I think you need to... relax."

Zbam! Zbow! two bolts struck Yes Man from behind. The robot dropped Dan and then spun around, momentarily out of control.

Shocked, Dan scrambled to his feet. "Chrys!" he grabbed his knees, "I thought you said you couldn't-"

Turning around, he saw Chrys shaking her head. She was pointing to just in front of Dan. And when the human looked up, he saw his savior: Spike.

"Don't. You. DARE. Hurt. My. Friends," the tiny dragon huffed. Clutched in his claws were both Twilight Sparkle and Rarity's tails, the two propped up like machine guns, horns aimed where Yes Man had been.

"Spike?!" Dan gasped. "How did you... how did you..."

Spike grinned. "Sculpting. Requires strength, dexterity... and a steady grip," he said, brandishing the two ponies' tales. The devious dragon had apparently used Yes Man's conversation with Dan as a distraction while he rescued the mane six and Fluffle Puff from the deadly bath.

"Spike..." Dan panted, "good job, romeo."

"Thanks," the dragon replied bashfully.

Yes Man's frame twitched on the ground for a moment. Chrys moved to finish off the robot when it took to the sky again.

"Why-whwhwhwhwhw-why why d-d-d-don krzzzat 't you understand? This is a way way for ALLLLLLLLLllululululul of Equestria's needs to be met! Krsssh- be met!" Before Spike could aim again, the robot rushed him and knocked him off his feet. Rarity and Twilight's incapacitated forms slumped to the floor, still unconscious though no longer in the tubs. Yes Man kept going and collided with one of the machines hooked up to the hot tubs, knocking it over.

Dan and Chrys ran over to Spike. "That thing's tough... he took both barrels," Spike remarked, rubbing the back of his head.

"It's all right," Dan said, helping him up. "If we can get close enough to him, Chrys and I can cut him in half."

Chrys was about to say something about using her horn to saw through metal when Yes Man spun into view again.

"I thththththink you you you you ALL need to just sit down... and RELAX-LAX!" the probe hovered above them, preparing to swoop down. He brought both his mechanical arms out from his sides and sparked an electric current between them.

"Lightning... it's always lightning," Dan sighed.

From under Yes Man's display, a gout of flame jetted outward, scorching the air.

"Okay... lightning AND flamethrowers. That's a new one. Not that I'm happy; I'd have settled for just the lightning but-"

"RUN!" Chrys yelled.

Rotating into an electrical fiery spin, Yes Man dove at the group, burning and shocking the floor. Dan, Chrys and Spike had to jump out of the way to evade the mad robot, narrowly evading the elemental assault. The air began to cook as energy surged from the robot.

"RE-re-relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax," Yes Man's voice sputtered as he skidded across the floor and into the wall, leaving streaks of black behind him.

"Plan, Dan?!" Chrys yelled.

"You already said it! RUN!" Dan yelled. The group dashed in reverse as the robot quickly recovered, rising to give chase to them.

Cutoff by Yes Man from the entrance, they ran down the west hallway instead, having no other option.

"Where do we go?!" Spike yelled. His voice narrowly cut off as Yes Man blasted a jet of flame, scorching the spot just behind him.

"The windows! We can get out through the windows!" Chrys yelled.

"Back to the zombies outside?!" Dan yelled. He ducked to avoid getting blasted by lightning.

"Either way, we're in danger!" Chrys yelled. "If we stay here, we're dead! If we go outside, we're zombie chow! What do we do?!!"

Dan thought as he sprinted. They were racing for their lives down the hallway with a psychopathic, burning, sparking robot chasing them. And that's when he realized... they were racing for their lives.

"Chrys!" Dan shouted.

"What-AAAAAH!" she shrieked as Yes Man hit the wall with lightning.

"Mario Kart!"

"I don't think this is the time to bring up tha-"

"No!" Dan yelled. "What do I do when I'm in the lead?!"

Chrys looked over her shoulder at the advancing robot. And slowly, she understood. "How do we pull it off?"

Dan hopped on Chrys' back as she ran. "Spike, get on!" Reaching back, he pulled the purple dragon on board.

"Yes, get off your fee-FEE-feet! It's time to RELAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAX" Yes Man's voice sang.

Carrying Dan and Spike, Chrys galloped to the end of the hall. With both of them on her back, it made them easier to hit and harder for her to run. She jumped to avoid one of Yes Man's jets while trying desperately to maintain momentum.

"You're not making making making this easy!" the robot politely taunted them. "Benny's not gonna... I mean,... ah, screw it. RELAX!"

The changeling turned a corner and entered one of the massage rooms, Yes Man trailing behind her. Using her magic, she threw up the window as Yes Man entered the room.

"Are we playing hide-and-seeseek?" Yes Man asked. He hovered into the room and ignited his flamethrower, illuminating the room.

"No, we're playing not playing anything," Dan said. From the corner of the room, he hit Yes Man with the wad of gum from Chrys' horn. It plastered his screen, blinding him.

Before the robot could react, Dan, Chrys and Spike threw the robot out of the window. "I DON'T PLAY WITH CHEATERS!" Dan shouted, before shutting the window.

Damaged, disoriented and now blind, Yes Man used his arms to try and get up but found himself stuck to the ground by the gum. Before he could pry himself off, the ground around him began to shake.

"Oh! Hello! I seem to have gotten myself stuck to the ground. Would you mi-mind helping me up?"

The zombies didn't respond, not verbally anyway. Mistaking his voice for that of a live pony, the zombies crowded around him.

"My name is Yes Man! It's my job to ensure you're relaxed and-" his voice was cutoff. The zombies tore into his metal frame with their teeth and although most realized quickly he wasn't living flesh, others were eager to taste for themselves.

"OW! That hurts! Hey, you need to calm krzzaat-krlllllllzzzzzzzzz" Yes Man's screen flicked off as the hungry maws ripped through his wires.

"Relax... relax... re.... daisy...

When the zombies were done, Yes Man was a pile of broken metal, glass and wiring in the middle of the street. A small amount of potion dripped from the broken glass that once held his smile.

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy," Chrys stated. The three of them walked out of the massage room, relieved that the evil robot was gone. They retrieved the de-zombification tonic from the nearby storeroom and brought it to the central area.

"All right ladies, time for the facial scrub," Dan said. He doused each pony with the serum after taking them away from the tubs. With the group finally un-zombie'd, Dan finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"Is the treatment over?" Rarity asked.

"Automated facility my flank," Rainbow remarked. "That robot guy's not even here when we wake up."

"Why... were we asleep?" Twilight asked, rubbing her eyes.

Dan, Chrys and Spike looked at each other. The mares looked back at them as they considered what they were going to say.

"You were in a... really, really deep state of relaxation," Chrys said.

"Yep," Dan agreed. "You were all zombies.

"Zombies?" Applejack repeated. They all looked at their savior trio, confused.

Spike nodded in confirmation. "All of you, even Fluffle Puff."

"We were all zombies? How is that possible?" Twilight asked.

Dan wiped some of the tonic off his shirt. "Well, let me tell you what we did while you guys were at the spa..."

Dan, Chrys and Spike retold the tale of their struggle against the zombie horde upon reaching home. If any of the mares had been skeptical of their story, any doubt was swept away when they found the rest of the town zombified outside the spa. Fortunately, the teamwork of the mane 6 made it easy to distribute the rest of the de-zombification tonic to the rest of the town via the convenient rain clouds overhead and soon Ponyville was back to trotting instead of shambling.

After the last of the tonic was used, the pegasi cleared the skies of clouds and all evidence of the zombie outbreak was swept away. The group rescued the spa ponies from Twilight's basement, repaired the floor of the library and returned them back to the spa, once again. Relieved, Dan and the gang walked back to Twilight's house, happy that the town was back to normal.

As the mares talked amongst themselves, Twilight trotted up to Dan as he lead them to through the front door. "I'm uh, I'm sorry that the spa wasn't really relaxing for you, Dan. I guess this is the second time one of my ideas didn't really work out the way I thought it would."

"Eh, it's not a big deal," Dan shrugged.

Twilight was getting used to Dan surprising her. She smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Dan nodded as he walked into the living room. "I guess I've learned there's a lot ideas, a lot of different ways of doing things and I don't understand them all. Doesn't mean I can't give them a shot now and then, try new things in new ways. It's surprising what works sometimes."

Twilight's smile brightened. "It really is! And... well, since we're talking about solving things, there's something I want to show you."

Dan turned around as they stepped to the edge of the living room. "What is it?"

"Well," the purple mare began, "you're not the first human to visit Equestria."

Dan was shocked. "Wait... really?" He shook his head in disbelief. "WHAT?!"

Twilight nodded. "A couple other humans visited Equestria before but they've been gone for a few years now."

"So I'm the only human here right now?" Dan asked, frustratingly trying to get clarification.

"As far as I know of, yes. But," she pulled out an envelope, "the letter you brought back to me... it's from the last human that was here."

The two walked into the kitchen. "You got a letter from them?"

"Mhm," Twilight nodded. "A long time ago, I summoned him here. He's a defense attorney named Phoenix Wright..."

As Dan and Twilight left the living room, the other ponies went about lounging and talking. Pinkie Pie and Applejack held an argument over what constituted a zombie while Rarity tried to regain her composure after her coat had spent hours soaking in spa water and Celestia knows what else.

Chrys, Spike and Fluffle Puff slumped on the couch as they had this morning and started up a new game of Mario Kart.

"You know," Chrys said, as they selected the track, "you really saved us, Spike."

"I did?" Spike asked. "Oh yeah, using Twilight and Rarity to shoot that Yes guy wasn't easy."

"Well, that and," she looked behind the couch to the repaired hole in the floor of the living room, "your basement helped us, too. As did just you... being you in general, I guess. Your artwork really saved the day in the end."

"Oh," the dragon bashfully rubbed his neck. "You guys saw that stuff, did ya?"

Chrys nodded. "Those spa ponies were impressed with your sculpting too, after we got them out."

Spike blushed like Chrys did when she thought about Dan. "I... uh, I really do like Rarity, y'know..."

Chrys giggled. "I think that's a bit obvious, darling," she said, mimicking Rarity's voice and making Spike blush harder.

Spike turned away. "I try to keep it, well, kind of a secret... because it might be creepy sometimes."

"It is," Chrys said, getting down to his level. "But... it's not all creepy. You're devoted, committed, passionate. Those are good things. It's only when you take it too far that it becomes a problem. Sure, there are some things that others might see as signs of concern but..." she leaned in to whisper, "you're the good kind of creepy."

Spike smiled, happy to hear her say it. As the two were turned away from the screen, it flickered to static for just a second and a familiar face appeared. It smiled, too. Of course, that's the only expression Yes Man ever made. And that was creepy.

Rather than leaving it on a cliffhanger though, Owlowiscious took that opportunity to swoop in from above. He took one look at the distracted creatures around him and noticed Yes Man's face on the screen. Sighing to himself, the owl turned off the N64 and removed the cartridge containing Yes Man. Using one of Spike's sculptures, he smashed it to pieces.


Next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship...

"Hearth's Warming Eve, like that's even a real holiday."

Dan's got a case of the holiday humbugs.

"You guys can celebrate your Hearth's out; just wake me when it's Christmas."

"Um, Dan?"

Tis the season... to duck and cover.

"What do you mean there's no Christmas?! ALL OF YOU ARE PRACTICALLY REINDEER!!"

It's the most Dan-gerous time of the year.

"I'm bringing Ponyville its first Christmas! Who wants to help me first?!"

"Or, and here's another idea: we could-"

"Grrrr.."

"Just hear me out; we could celebrate Christmas next year and Hearth's Warming Eve this year! We could trade? Whaddya say?"

Next Saturday, Danta Clause is coming to town!

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, PONYVILLE! Ho-ho-hold onto your butts or kiss 'em good-bye!"

Episode 11: Christmayhem- Dan Vs. Christmas in Equestria! Next Saturday, it's a yule tide ride to remember on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!

"Why is Chrys' nose glowing?"

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