Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

The Whole Scumbag Fleet

UGC 1st Expeditionary Armada, skies over Equestria
UGC Flagship U Mad Bro en route to Ponyville

Sky Marshal Gust Grasp strode confidently through the doors to the bridge of his flagship. He grinned as he saw Commander Horizon, his tactical analyst make a show of brushing off his command chair. The two met halfway to the chair, she kissed him on the cheek and he stroked her feathers as they passed. He knew she would be waiting for him in his loft after the battle, ready to relieve his stress and go over the details with him.

Gust was a griffon with golden-yellow body feathers and the traditional white feathers on his head. Gold, the color as well as the substance itself, were markings of high status in griffon society but the most important markings of Gust's status were his clothes. He wore a dark green officer's uniform, the uniform specially tailored to him as Sky Marshal of the UGC's air forces. The bars and medals pinned on its breast, the patches and tassels on its shoulders, all of it militarily-unprecise and off-center as he wore the outfit open at the chest. His air force cap and traditional aviators were also cockeyed, further emphasizing the fact that Sky Marshal Gust Grasp was nothing more than a particularly talented and cunning criminal masquerading as an officer.

Except it wasn't a masquerade. His rank was very much real in the UGC. This was no self-delusion he created for himself; it was the government he worked for, the country that raised him. It was their deception and always had been- Gust Grasp had just happily gone along with it.

As he took his chair, he saw other couples in the stations around him, all griffons. Ensign "JC" Jumper Cable sat at the navigations console with Technician Gully in his lap. Technician Gully was a greenish griffon with a toucan-like beak but she wasn't stationed aboard the U Mad Bro; she was one of the techies on the First Armada's fighter carrier, the All of My Yes . Gust Grasp had to admire JC's choice of mate. The two were smiling, locked in each others' eyes with his claws on her hips, playing with her tail. He was clearly paying more attention to her than he was the console that monitored the ship's course.

"Jay."

"Yeah, Gust?" the navigator asked, still wholly in the embrace of his lover.

Marshal grasped smiled. "Make sure Miss Gully is back aboard the All of My Yes when we're ready to deploy the attack wing."

"Heheheh, aye Sky Marshal, aye."

Gust sat back, letting the two indulge in each others company. Companionship and romance between griffons in the UGC's military wasn't prohibited; it was encouraged and was even seen as necessary. The First Expeditionary Armada had been away from the griffon's capital, the hanging city of Verticia, for almost a year and a half now. Morale was just as an important resource as any other supply in the fleet and Gust Grasp knew that. Promoting these relationships ensured that his crew didn't become underperform in battle… or grow homesick too quickly.

The First Expeditionary Armada was a large and important-sounding name for something very simple: government-endorsed raiding. Similarly, the Zebra Kingdom had a dedicated "independent roving battalion" and the mountain goats had their advance scout legion, both of which were the analogues of Sky Marshal Gust Grasp's fleet. Officially, they were forces designed to protect the interests of their respective nations and explore for new resources and new territories. In reality, they were all, like Marshal Gust's fleet, raiders and pirates that had the full endorsement of their governments, not even able to be called privateers because they were directly linked to the administrations through the chain of command.

"Shrike-one reporting in, sir," his comm officer said. "Airspace over Ponyville is clear. No sign of Cloudsdale or any CAP."

Gust leaned forward. "Air defense? SAM sites? Triple-A?"

The comm officer relayed the sky marshal's inquiry. A moment later she said, "None that he can detect, sir."

"Tell him to put half his group on the ground, stir up the nest. Deploy Panther and Leopard squadrons to do the same; I want that town covered top to bottom."

"Aye, sky marshal."

For the past year and a half, the sky marshal's fleet had been pillaging and raiding small towns in Saddle Arabia, one of Equestria's few allies. Equestria itself was more vigilant than its neighbors and kept its borders quite secure, mostly thanks to volunteers and ponies that lived on the border itself. The goal of the armada, as ordered by the king of the griffons himself, was to steal as much as it could from the UGC's rival nations and send it back to the capital so the griffons there could live in ever-exceeding luxury and extravagance. His fleet wasn't permitted to return until he'd stolen enough to satisfy the royals, which was, in scientific terms, "a whole heaping metric shitton." Of course, "shitton" wasn't a real unit of measure; he understood that the king had simply meant a lot.

And a lot was what he hoped to get when finally sacking Equestria. The griffons as a species were mostly greedy and treasure-obsessed: they loved shiny objects and often stole from those around them, including family members. It made them ideal mercenaries, raiders or pirates, not a military fighting force. But Sky Marshal Gust Grasp knew his fleet and knew his griffons, more so, he knew what other beings thought of them. He knew that the inherent treasure-lust of his species could be used as a powerful incentive if properly motivated.

He could manipulate these stereotypes to his advantage. The ability to play to his fleet's strengths and compensate for their weaknesses made him a capable military leader. He and his crew, the ships in his fleet and their crews, they were all pirates. Sky Marshal Gust Grasp knew how to use them to hurt the enemy, to enforce the UGC's goals and to plunder everything in sight. That made him a pirate commander. His entire armada maybe a mismatched collection of various ships and whatever could fly, most of them stolen and every griffon might've been a merciless their. But he had earned the title of Sky Marshal because he could use them as a fighting force. Gust Grasp got results.

Unfortunately, it wasn't all because he wanted to: it was partly, even mostly because he had to. Because the king expected results.

"We're entering Equestrian airspace!" the helmsman announced.

"Down periscope." Above the captain's chair, the periscope descended so that it was level with Gust's eyes. He leaned forward in his chair, gripping it with both claws and gazed at their target. Ponyville lay directly ahead of them in the center of rolling fields of farmland. Amber waves of grain, green and a myriad of different crops blanketed the surface. The town truly was the heart of Equestria, the breadbasket responsible for almost eighty-percent of the nation's food. Taking it would break the ponies just as badly as if they took the sun or the moon. They would simply not recover.

But Ponyville looked different from the intel reports Gust had seen. He'd never been to Equestria himself but was fairly certain the gaudy-looking skyscrapers weren't business as usual. They looked incredibly out of place jutting out of the small town, like jewelry or piercings awkwardly stabbed into the landscape. He did his best to evaluate as much as he could from the viewfinder. Some sort of missile defense and a combat air patrol had brought down seven of his galleons in a previous engagement, his advance force. This time, there would be no mistakes.

"Sir, all squads reporting," the comm officer said. "There's been no response from defense of any kind. Locals have apparently barricaded themselves indoors- only a few are on the streets. Resistance is null."

"Heh heh heh, good," Gust said, grinning to himself. "Send in U Wot M8 and I Don't Even to come in from port and starboard. Close the pincer around the whole town. Move Jimmy Rustler and My Face When to our flank. All Your Base, push down the center and have Insert Other Obscure Internet Reference Here cover them."

"Aye, marshal. All of My Yes is ready to deploy first wing."

"Deploy."

"Sir?" the tactical officer looked up at him. "Where should we deploy the Gears?"

"Ughhh," Gust sighed, clasping the handles of the periscope back together. "Up periscope. Bring up forward tactical display." The periscope retracted into the ceiling and an image of Ponyville appeared on the screen in front of them. "Have the Forever Alone and the Pauly Shore cover them to our rear. After we've secured Ponyville, they can carry anything the tankers don't have room for."

"Yes, sir. Relaying orders."

Gust leaned back again, sinking into the back of his chair. Vice Grip had given him three of his griffon "Magic Gears" as part of their alliance, the newest additions to his fleet. He still didn't have a place for them and didn't know if he ever would. They were pirates, not conquerers. What good was a weapon that destroyed an entire city? That would mean destroying loot, destroying potential prisoners and slaves, eliminating any possibility of plunder. Even as an intimidation weapon, they weren't effective because the rest of his fleet was already powerful and threatening enough. The only good thing he could use them for was as glorified forklifts that could carry things his other ships couldn't.

Ships were valuable to a pirate fleet, in many ways, much more than any single treasure. They could carry plunder and supplies, spare parts, fuel, food, ammo, medicine and anything else they needed in a mobile source. They provided shelter for his griffons and allowed them to stage attacks while staying on the move so they were very valuable. They gave him options. Losing any one of them, much less seven, changed the way Gust Grasp had to think about his fleet, limited what he could and couldn't do.

He glared at Ponyville. Seven light cruisers. The Epic Fail, Nope Train, Cool Story Bro, True Story, Mind=Blown, Mods Are Asleep and the lead ship of the advance forces, the I See What You Did There had all been destroyed with all crew lost. This was an insult he would not let go unpunished.

His tactical officer looked up at him again. "All ships in position, sir."

"Patch me in." The comm officer hit two switched, waited a moment and then gave him a nod. Gust Grasp stood up picked up an old-style radio studio microphone that was sitting on the arm of his chair. "Well, well my little birdies… what do we have here?" he asked rhetorically. "Where have we migrated to this time?"

The entire bridge spun around in their seats to give him full attention. Gust's speeches always started out the same; it was his tradition to make an announcement right before an attack. It had the added effect of making sure all the griffons knew what the goal was as well, so there was a reason for the charade. All throughout the fleet, griffons momentarily stopped their tasks to listen to their leader.

Gust grinned. "You guys, you know, you take me to the nicest places, don't you?" The bridge crew chuckled. "And this is a first, isn't it? We're the first griffons every to soar over Equestria. Isn't that something?" There was more laughter, a few agreed and more than a couple who had drinks at their station raised their beverages to toast him.

But Sky Marshal Gust decided to take a knee at that moment. His voice became more serious. "Now, you guys, I want you to know how important this is. This is Ponyville. It's never been sacked, it's never been attacked, and ponies here don't even worry about the weather and that's a fact. Why, they've been livin' in the lap of luxury right here since as far back as anyone cares to remember. They haven't had to worry about ANYTHING. Isn't that just a cryin' shame?"

"Ain't gonna see me sheddin' no tears, Gusto!"

"Hahaha, right, right. But what I'm saying is, these ponies have never really experienced a disaster before. Unlike every other happy little kingdom, these guys don't know what it's like to get raided, to be hit by a big storm, to have to really start over. Amirite?"

"Yeah!!"

Gust stood. "Let's show them what it's REALLY like to tango with mother nature! Let's show them what it's REALLY like to live in poverty and fear! Let's hit the reset button on their whole bucking kingdom and show 'em there's nothing they have that we can't take!!"

"There's nothing we can't Grasp!!" the crew shouted unanimously. They all cheered.

He sat back down, happy with himself. The festivities had just begun. It was time to do what he always did when ordering an attack: fallback to a safe position and watch. "Tactical, engage cloak. Helm, bring us to one-point-five outside Ponyville's range and I want updates on a regular basis. Tell the Yes the attack is hers."

"Aye, marshal."

Technician Gully gave Jumper a kiss and finally got up from his lap. She would be back aboard her ship soon.

"The fleet is in position, sir. All of My Yes awaiting the word."

Gust kicked his legs back and sat up. "Engage and indulge, guys. Play nice."

Comments

[HB_DS2013]

Is it me or are Gust Grasp's fleet made of the equivalent of Internet trolls?

[Terabyte West]

7118321 I think it's the joke. It could literally only be more obvious if Barro put a picture of a tactical nuke with the 4chan logo somewhere in the chapter.

[HB_DS2013]

7118356 Yeah, but I'm pretty sure the Director's trying to prevent Fallout: Equestria from happening.

[Dustchu]

UGC Flagship U Mad Bro

This, followed by every other one... priceless! ahahahaha! XD Nice going bro!

Speaking of which, Equestria needs to send out its own ships, such as the Me Gusta, MY Body Is Ready, Arrow To The Knee, and all the others

hoho, nice chapter!

[Warrior Kitten]

Aaaaand they immediately get shot out of the sky by Dan's security system, Dan sheds tears of pride in response, everything works out okay.

[Booster Spice]

Lookie what we have here, someone wanting to enforce a bit of Culture?

Id like Dan to take over and declare his Own flagship.

Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Peevishness For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Ire That Are Themselves The Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Wrath.

Or Celestias Yacht.

Gravitas? What Gravitas?

Or Pinkies bouncy castle,

Grey Matter.

This Griffon, he intrests me. Making me want to see what really happens next.

I suspect given Three Gears, its time for a bit of Land Of Confusion.

[JakeAndDollars]

Stop with the ship names, please!

~Dollars

PS. Don't ever stop!

[Barrobroadcaster]

7122059 Just call me Barro. And I'm so happy you're enjoying the story, it does warm my heart . It's still a loooong way to go. But the next episode you're coming up to is one of my favorites. Episode 12 is a mirror episode which you may have an idea of what that is already. Each chapter has Mirror in the title so they're easy to find, one right after the other until they're condensed.

[howard035]

Ok, so Gust Grasp is a ruthless amoral explorer with no respect for others, and a debauched lothario to boot. You know, it's a shame Equestria doesn't have a legalized piracy division like all the other nations, I feel like Blueblood would have finally found a job he was good at...

[Barrobroadcaster]

7128074 No, that was Married with Children.

[Barrobroadcaster]

7125609 He's also very good at what he does and tomorrow, he shall do… things.

[LadyLeomon]

I had to do a double-take when I read about Gust Grasp's lady! And about the whole 'companionship and romance being encouraged' and it was just too kawaii

Now I feel bad! I actually kinda like this guy, yes he's a pirate but a) BlueBlood brought him here and b) he can't go home without that shitton of treasure or the royals will tear him a new one.

Oh kick their butts Dan, but don't hurt them too bad! Then Phoenix can help work something out too ... Darn you BlueBlood, hurry up and right your wrong so you can start really being a (sort of) hero!

[Razzy]

Okay, are you portraying the entire griffon species as amoral pirates? Cause despite the Enclave, you provided examples of good pegasi, but no good griffons?

And, at this moment the griffons are kind of in the right, they had a deal and instead of payment they good seven destroyed ships with everyone onboard dead, including the ship that tried to escape. If that's not grounds for retribution, I don't know what is.

[Lucid Dream the Mule]

What? An exposition chapter that had my full attention? I never thought I'd see the day. XD

[CarolMAssphault]

I'M BACK BITCHES!!!!! ...I was waiting for forever to use that reference. Somehow, it just feels like I forced it.