• Published 12th Aug 2013
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Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) - Barrobroadcaster



The story of a man named Dan and all his friends in Equestria.

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Auntie will Fix It

"You're wrong about me," Blueblood repeated.

(I hope for your sake a lot of ponies are wrong about you.) "I think I might be. But I also think I'm right about you in a few ways."

The prince scoffed. "Oh please, neanderthal. You're not even beneath the class that's beneath the class that's beneath the class to the class I'm above."

(I'm not even going to try to follow that one.) "Well, your majesty, I don't have to be in the same class as you to know something about you."

"Ah-ha-ha-ha, really, now?" Blueblood chuckled. "And what exactly is it you know about me?"

"Something you don't even know about yourself."

Blueblood's face had a quizzical look on it. Phoenix smiled.

"TAKE THAT!"

"Ohā€¦ you went to my library? Saw anything you liked?"

(Not unless I wanted to induce vomiting.) "I saw the books you wrote. Fan fiction all about one pony in particular. You."

"Ah-ha-ha, but of course. Who else would I write about? I'm self-absorbed and everypony knows it. It's how I like it."

Phoenix shook his head. "I'm not so sure. I don't think you want to be seen as selfish or self-absorbed. Because in these books, these dozens of volumes of fan fiction, you portray yourself as somepony that's liked."

"Iā€¦"

"You portray yourself as a hero."

The first lock shattered into glittery shards and disappeared. Blueblood's look turned to harmed disgust. "It was ever since that Galaā€¦ when Rarity showed up. Every other mare there, they all knew exactly how I was but sheā€¦" he turned away. "She saw something in me that wasn't there. She didn't see me as some stuck-up snob, another lout, not at first. But that's how all the Canterlot elite are. All of us. So, I chose to educate her."

"I heard about that. The Grand Galloping Gala at Canterlot Castle. You were on a date with Rarity and deliberately acted snooty so she'd know about you?"

"I did," Blueblood said sternly. "She needed to know about me, had to know about me. Why she deserves better than me."

"That's interesting. And a little deep," Phoenix remarked. "You may appear vain and most of it might be genuine. There's another side to you but rather than showing it, you'd rather keep it hidden. Instead of trying to change, you keep showing people the same side of you hoping that one might like you for who you are. But maybe somepony would like you if gave them a reason to. The only way things will improve is if you try to make them better."

"Pffft," Blueblood scoffed. "Nothing will change. Nothing changes in this pathetic little burg. This kingdom is too small. We have almost no resources, nearly nothing of value and for some reason, almost every pony's perfectly happy with it. Naturally, the rest of the world is jealous and hates us, just like they do me and I'm fine with that. The only allies that don't hate us are the Saddle Arabians and the zebras invaded them. That's why Auntie Tia and Auntie Lulu have gone to help them. I don't think it worked out for themā€¦" he said, sounded momentarily concerned. He then quickly shook it off. "The point is, the whole world hates Equestria and every pony hates me and I'mā€¦ perfectly fine with that."

"Hmm," Phoenix said, scratching his chin. "You know, I really don't think you are."

Blueblood sighed heavily. "I'm living in total opulence, the lap of luxury. Really, the most hated nation should be ruled by the most hated pony, don't you agree?"

Phoenix shook his head. "I don't think Equestria's the most hated nation. And I don't think you're the most hated pony."

"Really?" Blueblood asked, voice now disdainful. He sighed again, "And why is that?"

"I'll tell you why." "TAKE THAT!"

The prince stared in disbelief at the photo Phoenix held up in front of him. "You? But all of you hate me. What is this nonsense?"

"It's us," Phoenix said, holding up the group photo. "And we tolerated you. We put up with all of your requests and even tried to please you, tried to get along with you. Not because we like you but because we want to like you. We want you to be a heroic pony, a good ruler like your aunts. We want to like you, Blueblood. We don't hate you."

"I do," Dan said.

"Dan-"

"To be fair, I hate everybody. Even the people I like, I also hate and/or have things about them that I hate. Exceptā€¦ maybe my close friends," Dan said, thinking. He thought of Chrys for some reason and the idea of him hating her, even disliking her was appalling. He couldn't dislike Chrys; he had to like her for some reason. In fact, like was an understatement. He really, really liked her a lot. It was actually difficult for him to stop thinking about her and get back on the matter at hand. "Closeā€¦ friendsā€¦" he repeated the words as if they both now had new meaning to him.

"You all right, Dan?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said, nodding. "Anyway, you're a douche and now you're getting impeached."

"Dethroned."

"What?"

Blueblood sighed again. "Dethrone, you rube. One does not impeach one's monarch. The throne is not some office any commoner can just be voted into; it is a station one must be chosen to ascend to. Every pony in the royal family is specifically groomed for this position from birth. That's why I'm the way I amā€¦ I was made this way," he said, sounding like he actually lamented that fact.

"Maybe you were," Phoenix said. "And maybe, this is your chance to remake yourself. All the buildings, all the changes, it's all just an attempt to get people to like you so that then maybe you can actually be something more than just the spoiled rich colt."

The trapped prince frowned at him. "And what proof do you have of that?"

"TAKE THAT!" Phoenix held up Blueblood's gold cell phone.

"You tried to pull off a stunt to make it look like you were a hero. Like Dan suggested, you engineered a scheme that would change the way ponies thought about you. If you'd been successful and fought off those griffon galleons, ponies would've looked up to you and thought you were chivalrous, valorous, a great leader. Like you want them to see you," Phoenix said.

Blueblood's jaw dropped. The second lock shattered.

"Ha!" Dan folded his arms across his chest. "So, I was right."

"Not quite," Phoenix said.

"How not quite?"

"You were partially right: Blueblood hired the griffons to attack Equestria to make himself look like a hero. But not because he wanted to trick everypony into thinking he was a hero- he did it because he actually wanted to be one."

They were all quiet for a moment. A single, shining tear rolled down the white stallion's cheek.

"You wanted to be a hero, didn't you?" Phoenix asked. "Why is that, Blueblood? Please. Tell us why."

The final lock broke. The golden chains unraveled and disappeared. Color returned to the room and suddenly, Dan and Phoenix were standing in front of Blueblood's bed once again.

The prince's mouth worked for a moment but no words came out. Finally, he spoke. When his words came out, they sounded like he was crying. "You left us. All of you, you all left us aloneā€¦ alone in the castle. Weā€¦ we didn't know what to do. The guards were gone, and then you and Twilight left and then her friends leftā€¦" Blueblood sobbed. He cried into his breakfast.

"Celestia and Luna left to help the Saddle Arabians," Phoenix said, remembering the news broadcast. "We haven't heard from them since. We should've known-"

"That something like this would've happened!" Blueblood yelled. "All of you were GONE! What if something horrible happened and you weren't around to do something about it?! You didn't even leave a note!"

"Hey!" Dan pointed at him, "I just met you YESTERDAY, pal. We don't have to tell you squee. Besides, we figured the mayor would handle everything in Ponyville."

Blueblood sniffled. "In Ponyville, maybeā€¦"

Phoenix leaned down. "I think you're more upset about your aunts, aren't you?"

The stallion reached behind him and grabbed his pillow. He cried into it. "Theyā€¦ they never left us alone before. Not like this. I was afraid, alone and thenā€¦ and thenā€¦"

The lawyer leaned closer. "And then?"

Blueblood looked up at him. "Vice Grip. Heā€¦ he told us that they were never coming back. He said everything was changing and that we would see the dawn of a new Equestria soon: an Equestria without magic. He dropped off the golden Magic Gear and said I should have fun with it while I could. So I did, I guess. But then, I started thinking. What if I broke Equestria? What if I made things so bad, auntieā€¦ auntie would have to come back and fix it?"

"You seriously couldn't wait until we got back?" Dan asked. "We were seriously gone like, a week. I mean, Cloudsdale blew up and I guess Canterlot's kinda falling apart without the guards and servants but Ponyville's fine. Except for all the crap you built."

"You tried to make things bad in Equestria so Celestia and Luna would return?"

He nodded. "That was the point of all the buildings, all the changes. But then, the griffons really did show up andā€¦ I was too afraid to fight them. So, I let you take care of them. I guess it wasn't all of them, though."

"Apparently not," Phoenix said, standing up. "Which means, we're going to have to deal with that now. On behalf of myself and Dan though, you can consider yourself under house arrest until we sort things out with the griffons."

"Hahaha," Dan chuckled, grinning. "This means Equestria is out from under your rule at last! You can kiss any pull you had over this place good-bye, Bloomers!"

Blueblood buried his face into the pillow again, crying.

"Dan, seriously, I know he pretty much tortured us but let's go easy on him."

Dan stared blankly at Phoenix for a moment. "I want you to think about what you just said for a moment."

"Look, Dan, that's over now. He's not in charge any more and confined to his house. Look at him," Phoenix said, gesturing towards the helpless Blueblood. "He's not going anywhere."

The shorter human glared at the stallion for a long moment. Despite everything he'd been made to endure, Dan couldn't put himself to doing any more to him. "Fine," he said, throwing the golden phone back at the prince. "You ever try to usurp power again, here or ANYWHERE, heck if you even cut in LINE, I'll be there." He stormed out of the doorway before he changed his mind and slugged him.

After he was gone, Phoenix knelt over Blueblood again and shoved the tray off his legs. "Dan might be a bit rough around the edges but he's a good guy. And he's right, Blueblood. You're getting off really easy considering you pretty much betrayed your entire country."

The prince sighed, sniffling. "I thought maybe things could change for the better. But I couldn't stand up to the griffons. I'm too much of a stuck-up snob to be a hero. So, I thought I could get Auntie Tia to come backā€¦ but then they didn't come back. At least, I got you to return. You allā€¦ you're the heroes. You'll make things right."

Phoenix put a hand on his shoulder. "You might be snob, Blueblood but even you can be a hero. You were in charge of Equestria for the better part of a week while we were gone. You could've done a lot better but I guess you could've done a lot worse, too."

The prince scoffed again. "I don't see how."

"Even if you're an elitist prick, you can still do the right thing, Blueblood. You could be a hero if you try," Phoenix said, holding up the phone to him. "You could start by calling Gust Grasp and trying to stall them."

"Stall them?"

"Keep them talking, try to negotiate. You were the one who called them originally so maybe if you can explain to them, just maybe, you can turn things around," Phoenix said. "We're going to try to intercept them in Ponyville. We'll do our best to negotiate with them, get them to leave without violence but at the very least, you might be able to slow them down until we can talk to them."

Blueblood looked up at Phoenix. For the first time, it looked as if he was genuinely concerned for someone other than himself. "And if you can't?"

Phoenix shrugged, heading for the door. "Then I'm happy I have a friend like Dan right now. Stay in your mansion, lock the doors and windows and try not to draw attention to yourself."

Twilight ducked her head in the door. "Phoenix! We have to get going now!"

"The griffons are here already?"

She nodded. "It's worse than we thought. We have to go-now!"

"All right, I'm right behind you!" The two bolted out the door. A few moments later, the doors to his mansion opened and shut and he was left in silence.

And just like that, Blueblood was alone again. He curled up in his bed, thinking about what he could do. He picked up the cell phone and dialed Gust Grasp's number. The griffon did not answer. He redialed it. Again, the griffon did not answer. So he kept dialing. Again and again and again.

Outside, the ground began to rumble. Giant shadows began to stretch over the land, blotting out the sun. Dozens of them, hundreds of hulks and shapes that dared challenge the size and number of clouds began to occupy the skies over Canterlot and headed toward Ponyville. The griffon fleet had arrived. The invasion of Equestria had begun.

A massive collection of mismatched makeshift airships
UGC(United Griffon Coalition) First Expeditionary Armada
Sky Marshal Gust Grasp commanding

Author's Note:

Next chapter, war comes to Equestria.

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