• Published 12th Aug 2013
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Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) - Barrobroadcaster



The story of a man named Dan and all his friends in Equestria.

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Rad: Dan Misses the Pone Depot

Dan and the Doctor dressed in double-layered winter clothes. Or, rather, just two layers of winter clothes. Dan even went the extra mile with two sets of snow-blind-proof goggles but wore the second pair with the goggle part wrapped around his knit cap.

"Rice has taken direct control of most of the cities," the Doctor explained. "Most of the citizens that weren't imprisoned are working on building things for him."

"To invade Earth, right?"

"Possibly. I'm not sure, to be honest," Whooves admitted. "Ever since he stopped he stopped gloating about defeating you-"

"Rrrrrrrrrggg..."

"THOUGHT he defeated you, gloating that he THOUGHT he defeated you," Whooves quickly clarified, "he's reorganized all of Equestria's industrial cities, stole materials from the Zebras, Saddle Arabians, Manticores and other races and then he's been building. Diamond Dogs control most of the cities, Rice just pops around to check in on things."

Dan zipped up a coat over his overcoat. "Sounds like him." He finished his winter gear outfit by putting on another one of his favorite black shirts with the word JERK on it so stretched the word couldn't be read from one side alone. "So if my friends are in Tartarus and the donkeys have a way to get there, then guess where we're going?"

"Yes, but-"

"Did you guess Tartarus?"

"I-"

"Good, because that's where we're going," Dan said, patting Whooves on the head.

The door was difficult to open as they exited from the library's kitchen. The snow was coming down hard, but didn't seem to be piling up much. To Dan, that was an indication the clouds above were Cloudsdale-created; the reclamation cycle was working overtime. Even with very little sunlight, the snow falling now was evaporating rapidly, part of Cloudsdale's weather programming. All the weather systems had been set to overload because of Plan X and even dispersed, the city's systems were functioning at full capacity as per instruction.

Unfortunately, it also made it clear there weren't any pegasi left to shut it off.

"I don't think we're going to be flying anywhere, Doctor. How did you find me?"

"Oh, I knew where you were the whole time!" Doctor Whooves said cheerfully. "I actually just came back from vacation last month when I found out you were all gone. I TRIED to reason with Mr. Rice Head, and when that didn't work I thought about apprehending him, but... he tricked me."

"Yeah, he does that. A lot."

"Yes, well, he used a hologram. SEVERAL holograms, and... he somehow snatched my sonic screwdriver," Whooves said.

"You're sure you can't get a new one at a hardware store somewhere?" Dan asked.

The Doctor shook his head. "There's not many stores on this planet that can service the tools of a Time Lord, unfortunately."

Dan shrugged. "I dunno, Pone Depot usually does a good job."

"I'll have to keep that in mind. Where are we going?"

"We need to get to Donquestria, fastest way to do that is by rail. Rice took over Ponyville before and the only thing he didn't mess with was the railroad, I'm guessing it's important to him. We find the rails, we find a train or something that can carry us south," Dan explained.

"Ah yes, taking the Met to save the universe. Classic."

"Uh huh. Keep it moving, Doctor."

"Right."

They followed a compass to reach Ponyville. But, when they reached the end of the Everfree Forest and the outskirts of the town, they realized they didn't need it. When Dan had left Ponyville, it had been a giant pile of snowy, icy rubble and he'd expected to find something similar, or at the very least a bigger pile of snowy, icy rubble. Instead, he was surprised to find the town site had been cleared. Of snow, of ice and of rubble, and something else had been built in its place.

"Is that... Sainsbury's?"

Dan squinted. In the distance was indeed a building of some kind, square and flat-topped with big glass windows lining the walls around it. Above the entrance were bright orange letters that read Sainsbury's.

British Supermarket Chain
Sainsbury's
Mostly Convenient

"The hell is Sainsbury's?"

"It's a store. Like a supermarket- they sell groceries, supplies and the like. Might be able to get some information there."

"Information on what, exactly? What Rice Rip's favorite cereal is?" Dan asked aggressively. Like Dan, Rice/Vice did not have a favorite particular cereal and usually bought the variety pack just to change it up now and then.

"No! Well, maybe. But we could pick up a train schedule. Maybe, if it's a good enough Sainsbury's, we could even buy a train!" the Doctor said.

Dan frowned, but then eased. "Right. Fine, it's no Pone Depot but I'll give it a shot."

"What's Pone Depot?"

"You have given me the expressed right to hate you now."

Dan and Doctor walked across the frozen river into where Ponyville was. The area the town had been in was completely devoid of most snow except for a few wayward piles. The train tracks that went around the town were still there, a good sign, and the foundations of some of the buildings that had been there, including the Power Plant and Bowling Alley were still there.

But the rest of the town was still gone. Dan recognized some of the road as he walked down it- Carpenter Street, part of the mercantile district. The Sainsbury's was near the ruined foundation of Sugar Cube Corner at the northern end of town. Dan passed it, his head making an involuntary glance at where the time-honored treat shop had been. His heart felt a pang of regret for Pinkie and the Cakes. Their legacy had been reduced to about four intact cinder blocks and a half-broken wooden frame.

They approached the wayward supermarket. "Hey, what's that?" Around the building was another building, also well-lit for some reason. "Is that... is that another supermarket?"

The Doctor squinted. "Ah... that would be... a Tesco."

Evil British Supermarket Chain
Tesco
Mostly Convenient

"Is that ANOTHER limey store?"

"Limey? Oh. Well, sort-of. This area was recognized as a colony of England some time ago," the Doctor explained. "About the same time you left, actually. And where England goes, Sainsbury's is sure to follow."

"So what's the other one for?!"

"Well, Tescos stalk Sainsbury's. The hunt them. Like they did Morrison's."

Dan glared at him. "Well, since they ARE on Equestrian sovereign territory and as I AM captain of the Royal Guard... or what's left of it, I MAY decide to burn it down, BOTH of them, if I don't like them."

The Doctor winced. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"And YOU are helping me, Whoovsey. Move!" They entered the Sainsbury's first.

"Huh," Dan remarked.

"Well? Not a bad place, right?"

"I've... seen worse. Okay, the Sainsbury's can stay," Dan decided.

"Right, see? Affordability and accessibility aren't exclusively American!"

Dan glared at him again. "Yes, but you do realize we're on another planet, right? That's not lost on you, is it?"

The Doctor shook his hoof at the notion. "Oh, this planet, that planet, they're all basically the same. Meaning they usually have the same basics. Basically. Usually. Usually basically."

"Can you PLEASE stop talking like that?"

"I CAN TALK LIKE THIS IF YOU WANT ME TO."

"I swear I am going to DESTROY the BBC if I have to deal with this for the rest of the episode," Dan declared. He stormed into the Tesco with the Doctor following closely behind.

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