Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Let's All Be Really Uncomfortable Together

Dan punched the buttons on his phone frantically. "It… it won't delete!!" He shook the phone in desperation, checked every setting and even briefly considered throwing it at the wall. "He saved his picture as my background!"

"Glaugh!"

"Wrong." Chrys and Twilight looked away in distaste.

"Don't delete it," Phoenix reached out to stop Dan.

"You're right," Dan nodded. "I have to burn my phone now. Nicky, upstairs closet, flamethrower, now."

"No," Phoenix continued. "The picture might be useful."

"Uh, how?" Spike asked. "Since when has a selfie been useful to anypony?"

"He's tipped his hand, now," Twilight said. "Not entirely but Vice knows we realize he's a threat. That means everything he does, everything he… gives us could be important."

"I know that!" Dan protested. "But I know that HE knows that! That means HALF the stuff he's gonna do is just to mislead us… or infuriate us!! And he KNOWS we'll obsess over it like it's some kind of important evidence when really it's just him laughing in our faces! LIKE HE'S DOING IN THIS PICTURE!!" He showed them all the image burned into the background of his phone's screen. Vice's mocking appearance was completed by a cocky grin and a faux two-fingered "peace" sign. A portion of the television screen in the background still showed the news report, still going on with the time in the bottom-left corner.

"It still might be important, Dan," Phoenix said. (I remember all the times I thought a simple photo might not be important. Even if it's… unbearably tacky, it still might contain some important evidence.)

"Fine," Dan relented, pocketing his phone. "But the next available opportunity, I'm taking a selfie of me and Vice's head on a pike."

"Do you have any pictures of me on your phone?" Chrys asked.

"No," Dan replied. "Should probably get some though." Chrys perked up, excited with the idea that Dan could be interested in her. Naturally, completely oblivious to Chrys' expression as he walked by, he added, "Just in case folks in the Crystal Empire need to be reminded that I'm friends with royalty."

"I don't think they've ever seen a changeling," said Twilight.

"So, what? They've been living under a rock for a thousand years?" Dan asked.

"In a manner of speaking," Twilight said, instinctively looking for the right book in the library. "The whole Empire disappeared over a thousand years ago after an evil pony named King Sombra took control and forced the crystal ponies to be his slaves. It only reappeared recently and Equestria is still trying to restore its diplomatic ties. My brother and Princess Cadence were appointed as royal stewards of the Empire, granted governance over the territory by Princess Celestia until the Crystal Parliament had been rebuilt. But progress is slow."

"Doesn't sound like it now," Dan said. "If the Blofeld wannabe's in charge, he's probably kicked out or imprisoned anypony he doesn't like."

Twilight nodded. "We won't know how bad it is until we get there," she moved towards the door and the others motioned to follow her. As she grasped the door handle with her magic, she turned to Dan behind her.

"Dan… we'll probably be gone from Ponyville for a while."

"Yeah," Dan said, agreeing with her obvious statement. "Unless we're somehow able to magically exonerate your brother and uh… Candice?"

"Cadence."

"Other one instantaneously, it'll probably be a few days at least."

Twilight nodded. "So, what I'm saying is, if there's anything else you need to do in Ponyville, you should probably do it now. I have a feeling things will change from here on out."

"Ohhh!!" Chrys said, realizing. "This is like the point of no return part!"

"And that means?"

"It means this is the time for you to do any side quests you missed or collect any items you missed!" the changeling bounced giddily.

Dan regarded her with a cold stare. "You really need to get out more. Or… at all. But, this is the perfect opportunity for us to do just that."

"She's right, Dan," Twilight said. "If there's anything else you want to do in Ponyville or anything you want to get, we better take care of it now."

Dan thought for a moment. "Actually, there is something we might need." He reached to the side by the security terminal and grabbed two items from the umbrella stand next to the door. One was the Pain Cane, his Dead Rising-style modified weapon made from Granny Smith's walking cane and two of her horseshoes and the other was an aluminum Daring Do baseball bat. He handed the bat to Phoenix.

"Uh, thanks. What's this for?"

"This is the backup security system, considering Vice broke the other one," Dan said.

Phoenix awkwardly held the piece of sporting equipment. "And what am I supposed to do with this?"

Dan stood, holding the Pain Cane with both hands. "Vice broke into our house, broke my security system and broke my phone. If he tries anything again, we use these to break him."

"Oh… great," Phoenix replied. (I'm going to be defending him on assault charges soon. Possibly under the threat of assault from him.)

Fluffle Puff and Chrys both acquired their respective important items; for Fluffle it was her ninja bandana(which also gave her unlimited ammo), her Stasis Module and her Kinetic Module, both of which were part of her time in a Dead Space crossover but for the purposes of this story were acquired from Vice Grip's prototypes which fell from the sky during her and Dan's search for Derpy Hooves. Both items had been along with the CLIPbucks and were conveniently unscathed when they landed on Vinyl and Octavia's music store, Wubway. The music store had not been unscathed.

Chrys packed a suitcase and donned a scarf, making it easier to identify her if for whatever reason she changed into another pony and that fact somehow became relevant. Not that that would happen in some situation in the near future where tiny details like that hold some great significance in, say, a courtroom drama. Seriously, how would THAT make a difference?… Oh, and she also packed the two lunch boxes previously seen in the Derpy Hooves episode. You know the ones. Just in case they needed lunch. Two sandwiches; crust on for Dan, crust off for Fluffle Puff. She likes to eat the crust separately. We're not sure why. Probably involves milk…

"That looks to be about everything," Dan announced. "I'd arm the security system but it doesn't look like there's much point in that… seeing as how dingus can teleport right inside our HOUSE without it doing anything."

"I guess we're ready," Twilight said, grasping the door again. She looked over her shoulder at Dan. "Would you like to save?"

Save: [Yes] No

"Sure, I'd like to save time by just beating Vice Grip to a pulp. Let's go," Dan walked forward and Twilight opened the door.

Twilight moved to the side as the human past but not before saying, "Your previous file will be overwritten. Is that o-"

Chrys chuckled. Dan was already outside. "You really gotta know when to take a break, Twilight."

The purple alicorn just smiled. "Hey, it pays to be prepared."

Saving… Don't turn off the power…
Progress saved to file: CHRYSXDAN1

Twilight locked the door to the library behind her, the security system to the house before Dan came to live with her. She then trotted up to join the others as they walked.

Chrys looked around, scanning the area. "So, didn't Vice say there was going to be a-" Her words were quickly drowned out by the sound of rotors. The team looked skyward to see three vehicles descending to land right in front of them. A small amount of snow and wind was kicked up from the crafts' wings as they touched down, three winterized craft; two smaller ones flanking a larger, bulbous vehicle in a standard delta formation.

Twilight had read about the Storm Enclave's Flutterbird aircraft before but had never seen one up close. They had been originally designed as rapid response emergency vehicles by Cloudsdale in the event Ponyville needed to be quickly evacuated. But, with the Enclave's inclusion into FIST, Vice had taken the Enclave's Flutterbird fleet and repurposed them for his own uses. Despite their name, they looked more like bugs than birds, with dragonfly-like "eye" protrusions on either side of its angular cockpit and butterfly wings sprouting from its modular center. The tail possessed a small fin on which the word FIST had been emblazoned. The two smaller single-seat Flitterbird attack craft landed at the sides, smaller, slimmer versions of the main craft.

Why it was called a Flutterbird and not a Flutterbug is any pony's guess, given their insectile appearance. But, even though it looked like a bug, the only thing it resembled to Dan and the others was-

"A windowless white van with wings," Phoenix said. "It… it actually does look like a windowless white van with wings."

"Yeah…," Chrys agreed, discomforted. "Creep factor in this story just went up like two or three notches."

"That… happens," Twilight remarked.

"Not like this it doesn't," Dan said.

Phoenix scratched the back of his neck. "I don't see how this situation could get any more awkward."

Just then, the cockpit of the closest Flitterbird flipped up and a familiar face popped out.

"Hi guys!" Lightning Claw waved at them from behind the controls. "We've got free candy!"

Dan gave Phoenix an angry scowl. "You were SAYING?!"

Phoenix facepalmed. "Yeah, I probably… DEFINITELY shouldn't have asked that question."

"So, what are we going to do?" Spike asked. "We have to get to the Crystal Empire someway."

"We are NOT taking a windowless white sky van," Dan declared.

"Well…" Twilight thought. "I guess we could take the train again."

"Or we could take the Twilicopter," Chrys said. "Or there's hot air balloons."

Dan frowned, realizing the discussion was getting them nowhere. He trudged through the snow towards the aircraft in front of them.

"The balloons are pretty slow, though," Twilight said. "We might be able to get our own Flutterbird… one that's less creepy."

"We are NOT taking a windowless white sky van," Dan repeated over his shoulder.

"But… then, what are you…" Chrys asked.

Dan entered the open porthole-like door to the Flutterbird. The vehicle began to rock back and fourth violently, the sounds of a scuffle heard from inside. Two loud, heavy clanks rang out and the craft was stationary again.

"Dan?" Twilight called out.

"We are NOT taking a windowless white sky van," Dan said, emerging from the Flutterbird. "We are HIJACKING a windowless white sky van." He kicked two gray-uniformed ponies out of the craft, letting their unconscious bodies hit the snow face first.

"I'm still not entirely comfortable with this…" Chrys said.

"Good," Dan yelled. "Let's all be really uncomfortable together. Now get in the van."

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Ah, Dan starts the,

<sunglasses>

turnabout Storm?

[Barrobroadcaster]

6010922 The name of the turnabout itself is You Just Got Turned About. But yeah, Turnabout Storm is a big inspiration for me.

[Warrior Kitten]

"Hi guys!" Lightning Claw waved at them from behind the controls. "We've got free candy!"

t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTD-5QKjesbLw-YyYqc5xS5sP49hIsP3dU2eZJyS09vPaAchQ2i

[Daiosharune]

YAY HIJACKING!

[MidnightFMare]

6034684 They're all considered mercs I think

[Dustchu]

"We are NOT taking a windowless white sky van," Dan said, emerging from the Flutterbird. "We are HIJACKING a windowless white sky van." He kicked two gray-uniformed ponies out of the craft, letting their unconscious bodies hit the snow face first.
"I'm still not entirely comfortable with this…" Chrys said.
"Good," Dan yelled. "Let's all be really uncomfortable together. Now get in the van."

Hahahaha! XD so much yes!
This is great man, and I love that story! Turnabout Storm, so awesome!

Nice job!

[LadyLeomon]

All those 'save game' references were too funny! Chryssy was spot on with her 'point of no return' quip! But the thing I love most, aside from Dan hijacking the Flutterbird (I wonder why no one else noticed the clear nod to Fluttershy there or if I just made it up in my he added?)?

NINJA PUFF

[Razzy]

But, but, free candy!

That save file name.