Epilogue: Know They Did1,309 words

Rad: Adding Fuel to the Failure

Dan, Rarity and the Doctor trudged through the snow for what must've been a couple hours at least. Without any landmarks and with little visibility, they had no idea of knowing what time it was or where they were. Night eventually fell upon them, however, or what passed for it in this new Equestria, and they were forced to fall back. Fortunately, they were able to retrace their steps and use approximate directions to find their way back to Pone Depot.

"Oh, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you," Dan proclaimed, falling to his knees as he entered the homewares store. "Pone Depot, you are so beautiful. Warm... warm hardware provider of my dreams, don't ever change." He curled up into a fetal position as snow melted off of him.

"Yes... yes, the warmth is quite refreshing. Let's not walk out into a blizzard again, shall we?" Doctor Whooves asked.

"Agreed," Dan and Rarity both said, one right after the other. They were all sweaty, cold and exhausted.

Rarity pulled down her Mare Do Well cowl. "I think I'll find something to whip up a meal. A hot meal."

"Yes! Hot meal!"

Dan pointed from his floor position towards one end of the store. "Camping... camping section is that way."

"Thank you, Dan." She cantered off, hoofs clacking quickly on the floor to retrieve foodstuffs and things to heat said foodstuffs with.

A little over half an hour later, they had created a makeshift camp in the middle of Pone Depot. Dan removed Boba Fett's helmet so he could eat. Speaking of Boba Fett, both he and the prisoners will still subdued but hungry, so they took turns feeding them.

"Open wide, Fett," Dan said. "Come on. Here comes the... space bounty ship. Or whatever."

Fett made no sounds. He looked at Dan with cold, unblinking eyes. Wrists and legs bound to a shelf in an 'X', he was in a pair of grey trunks and nothing else, body surprisingly only slightly scarred. He did not speak, he did not do anything beyond watch Dan.

"It's beef stew. You want it or not?"

"We're pretty similar, aren't we?"

"I dunno. I go with briefs sometimes."

Boba cracked a tiny grin, lips as thin as the blade of a knife. "You're not here because anyone wanted you here. You're here becau-" He would've continued, but Dan used the opportunity to shove the food down his throat.

"Just shut up and eat, moron! Whaddaya know, another know-it-all who thinks they've figured it out. Every where I look, seems like I run across yet another 'genius' who thinks they have any clue what's going on on this planet," Dan said, feeding the captive Fett. "Grade-A idiots like you are practically falling out of the sky."

"Is that how you got here?" Boba asked, smirking again between bites.

Dan sighed heavily and gave up. "You know what, you can have dinner alone. I'm guessing you prefer it that way, anyway." He placed the can of Aggresso-brand beef stew, a Progresso knockoff, in one hand and the spoon in the other, knowing there was no way he could feed himself while tied up. Dan did not care. He returned to the camp.

Because it can't be overstated, Dan's emotions towards most other people at any given time ranged somewhere between 'fuck off' and 'die,' sometimes switching it up with the ever-popular 'fuck off and die.'

Rarity pushed a cart over to the side full of assorted guns, knives and other devices.

"I assume that's all of the assassins' toys?"

"Everything I could find."

"You searched them all thoroughly, right?" Dan pressed. Rarity responded with just an unimpressed glare.

They gathered around the makeshift campfire, which consisted of a cheap space heater disguised as a campfire, and ate canned stew. Unlike the Tesco or the Sainsburys which were nowhere to be found, Pone Depot lacked food aside from novelty candies and camping supplies. The trio slept for the night in tents, camping in the camping section, but happy to be warm, relatively comfortable and fed. The next day, Dan tried two different plans to find the train station before noon. And they were both two different versions of the same plan.

"Alright, we are ready to go!" Dan announced, sitting atop his contraption, holding the salvaged bar of a shopping cart. He looked over his shoulder. "What are you guys doing back there?"

"We, uh..."

"We wanted to get the optimum distance to observe your, uh, test drive," Rarity said.

"Oh good, yes, that," the Doctor heartily agreed.

Dan shrugged. "Whatever. You guys are next," he said, lowering his helmet.

"Sure we are."

"Just going to take a short trip around the block first," Dan announced. The human had crafted and was now attempting to drive a vehicle constructed out of four stainless-steel propane grills, a shopping cart, a flatbed cart, two bicycles, eight feet of rubber hose, a bunch of pipes and a metric fuckton of duct tape.

"Good luck, Dan!" Rarity said from behind a concrete barricade designed to withstand hurricane-force winds. It wasn't makeshift; Pone Depot actually sells those. Just to be safe, she was also wearing a helmet, as was the Doctor.

"Won't need it!" Dan then ignited the propane-powered engines. The cart-contraption began to roll forward.

"What he'll need is a hospital," the Doctor remarked.

Arlen, Texas
Strickland Propane- Propane and Propane Accessories Dealership

Hank Hill, the assistant manager of Strickland Propane, had been in the middle of a thirty-five minute sales meeting with the staff at the dealership. He had been discussing at length the company's new business strategy(which was exactly the same as their old strategy) while Buck Strickland, the manager and owner, slept off a hangover in his office down the hall. Hank was addressing the seventh point of his presentation for the eighth time when he suddenly stopped.

"Uh, Hank?" Enrique asked. "Hank?"

Hank was staring into space as if an event of some kind was playing before his eyes, imprinted on his glasses. His mouth worked out words but made no sound.

Joe Jack, who had almost fallen asleep, noticed the lack of silence. "You doin' okay, honey?"

"I... I don't know," Hank said. "I feel... I feel like something horrible's about to happen. I don't know where, but I think there's someone in danger somewhere."

"Wow," Larry Butz said, resting his feet on a propane tank. "I'm really glad I'm not them."

Dan looked back at Rars and Doc over his shoulder. "Work's fine!" And then it exploded. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

The GenoHaradan agents, also bound to one of the shelves, were able to see the fiery eruption and even feel the heat. They laughed uncontrollably as Dan rocketed to the ceiling and came down in a burnt, flaming mess.

Rarity and Doctor Whooves rushed to the blackened spot Dan landed on. Fortunately, Boba Fett's armor had taken most of the damage, and now fell of Dan in charred clumps as he got up.

"Dan? Dan sweetie, are you alright?"

He handed her the burnt handlebars. "I'm fine. Now, it's your turn." He collapsed onto the floor.

"That's right Dan, take a nice rest," Whooves said. The sprinkler system then activated again, adding more fuel to the failure. Doctor Whooves looked at the twisted metal with a glint in his eye. "But maybe you have given me an idea."

"One with a few less explosions, yes?" Rarity ask/suggested.

The Doctor nodded. "A few less, yes."

Author's Note:

There was a little bit of a plot hole I made last chapter, had to write this one to patch it up. But hey, we got another Larry cameo. I wonder if he'll show up at some point... maybe with Chris and Elise?

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Booster Spice

Booster Spice #1 · Mar 17th, 2019 · · ·

Couldve been worse, Dan.

Couldve gone the whole Buzz Lightyear flight plan.

Without the moving target to hit at a low relative velocity.

LadyLeomon

LadyLeomon #2 · Mar 17th, 2019 · 1 · ·

Have no fear, the Lioness is here! And a new chapter means it's ~Sunday~ now lemme see n'ere *dons reading glasses*

Train Station's a no-go? Check! Willingly going out into a blizzard? Check (not advisable but check all the same)! Returning to Pone Depot to regroup and enjoy a mini-camp out/slumber party complete with hog-tied prisoners? Check-check-checkarooney! (Hehe also including a bonus round of taunting the arguably most dangerous hapless prisoner too) Only thing we're missing is-oh there it is!

Also Rarity is a total gem to have in a crisis, thanks so much darling

It's beautiful! Too beautiful for words and it's gonna be glorious when it works!

"Strickland Propane"? Where have I-nevermind question answered (for some reason I thought of Simpsns when I heard that ... haven't seen King of the Hill in years ) Hi there Hank!

... Well, we got a big boom out of it! Those are always fun right? And at least things can't get any worse! ... Right? Right?!

Now for my favourite quotes:
(BRB Pinkie Promise!)

Phew and that is everything I loved (most) about this week's chapter. This week has been a bad one for me, I have no real reason for it I've just been down in the dumps all week just know getting my weekly dose of Dan-sanity has really cheered me up like it always does.