Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Episode 15 Intro

Earth, 11:04 a.m.
84 Rainey Street, Arlen, Texas

Boomhauer set the cooler in its rightful spot by the fence. Despite the fact that this spot, this sacred spot where they ritually set the cooler down was constantly used for the all-important container, the grass underneath it was just as lively, just as green as the grass in the lawn behind it. That was just how Hank kept it, always. Reaching into the cooler, Boomhauer passed each of his three friends a beer before taking one for himself and shutting the lid. He took his place at their sides in the orange glow of the Texas sun and each of them took a refreshing sip of their chosen beverage, completing the time-honored tradition.

"Heeyep."

"Hyup."

"Mhmm."

"Eeyep."

"Gentlemen," Dale said abruptly, "you will recall my alien invasion theory."

"Which one?" Hank asked. "You come up with a new one every week."

"Do not."

"Yeah, you do! You said you'd invent a new alien invasion theory every week just in case the aliens are listening in! That way they wouldn't know you were onto them!" Bill said.

"Oh," Dale pinched his chin. He realized that did sound like something he'd say, meaning he probably had said it. "Well, what was the one from three weeks ago?"

"Martians have found a way to place nano probes in our clothes fabric," Hank answered.

"And the one after that?"

"The government's teamed up with the aliens to replace all middle-management jobs with pod people," Bill answered.

Dale rubbed his beer to his chin. "And after that?"

"Dang ole Earth invaded decades ago Tunguska Event secret weapons testing facility replaced Hollywood actors and Johnny Depp with dang ole time bombs detonate and dang ole BRRUUSHOO-BRUSHOOOM BLAM!, takeover every man, woman and child on the planet into a cyborg, man," Boomhauer replied. "Dang ole-he got heart of gold, heart of gold."

"Hmm, not that one, either," Dale said. "No, gentlemen, I refer, of course, to the alien's most recent plan: beaming their secret invasion messages through low-grade animated children's entertainment programming, either online or through television."

"You mean cartoons?" Hank asked.

"Hmmm..." Dale thought again. "A possibility I had not considered, but yes, it does seem a likely candidate."

Hank shook his head and was about to tell Dale what he really thought about his alien conspiracies when Peggy's voice got his attention.

"Haaannnk! T.v's on the fritz again."

"Again? That's the third time this week," Hank said. "Excuse me guys, I gotta go sort this out," he said, apologizing for breaking their ritual and taking his beer with him.

"So, have you guys seen that new My Troubled Pony series? They got that same guy who did the original voice of Guillermo."

"Haven't had time to see it myself," Dale said.

"Season finale, man," Boomhauer commented.

Hank walked in through the sliding kitchen door of his modest suburban home rather than the front door. It was easier and also he had to carefully place his unfinished Alamo beer in a small plastic bag and store it into the freezer before he did anything else. You just did not waste Alamo beer; it would've been disrespectful. He entered the living room to see his son, Bobby, sitting in the center of the couch with the remote while his wife Peggy fiddled behind the t.v set.

"Did that do anything?" Peggy asked.

"Uh... I don't think so," Bobby replied. "Oh wait! If I squint, I think I can see a message in the snow!"

"No, Bobby, that's just white noise," Peggy said.

"Ah, I see," Bobby said, rubbing the remote to his chin. "But, could the noise be trying to tell us something?"

It was clear to Hank they were both clueless. He had to intervene carefully so they didn't cause any more damage. "Having trouble with the t.v again?"

"Yes, but I think we've almost... got it..." Peggy said, struggling to pull something. She yanked a cord out of the back of the t.v and it shut off. "Did that get it?"

Bobby tried a few buttons on the remote. "I don't think so, but gimme a minute to check."

"How about I give it a try?" Hank asked.

"Sounds good to me."

"Yeah, I'm sure you'll have better luck than us," Peggy said.

Hank smiled and bent down to get to work. Even if they were a bit clueless sometimes, Hank's family meant the world to him. He was only too happy to have their faith, confidence and trust in just about every task in the household. He wouldn't have it any other way.

After just a few moments, Hank deduced the problem and fixed it. Apparently, his niece Luanne had been trying to hook up the VCR to the new set and had accidentally mixed up a couple of the wires. After reconnecting them and plugging in the t.v properly, the picture finally came on.

"Hey, it's back! You did it, dad!"

"Everything look okay?" Hank asked.

"Yep," Peggy remarked. She smiled at her ever-resourceful husband. "Never need to call the cable guy with you around."

"That's why I always stay close to home," he said, returning the gesture. They weren't the most affectionate of families but they loved each other. That was enough for them.

"Ooooh! It's on, it's on!" Bobby exclaimed giddily.

"What're you watching, son?"

"It's Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!" Bobby said. "It's on every Saturday!"

Hank squinted at the t.v. "Cartoon, huh? Maybe I should watch it with you."

Bobby looked surprised. "I didn't know you liked cartoons, dad."

"Well, I've just heard they've come along way since Looney Toons," Hank replied. "And uh, I heard a theory about them from a... certain source."

"Ah, you mean that they're a secret invasion broadcast?" Bobby asked.

"Did Dale come over here?"

Bobby shook his head. "Nah, I heard it from Joseph. But the whole "giant robots nuking Earth" is just the plot of the first season. It doesn't really have anything to do with aliens or the government."

"Huh," Hank said, still staring intently at the screen. "Well, maybe I should watch anyway... just to make sure the t.v's still fixed." On the screen, Vice Grip laughed maniacally as he prepared to nuke every major city on Earth. And there was only Dan to stop him.

Back in the alley, Bill, Boomhauer and the cooler were gone. Dale watched, peaking out from the edge of the fence to peer into Hank's living room. He held up a tape recorder to his mouth and whispered, "Log number forty-two-dash-ay. Update on Operation: Equestria,;Hank knows."

---

Dan's impressive air fleet soared high over Equestria, the combined might of the griffons and every pegasi in Cloudsdale and Ponyville. Captured Flutterbirds and three griffon carriers- the All of My Yes, All of My Rage and All of My What flew in formation, flying high above the clouds in a symbol of unity and strength. They were a united armada, pegasi and griffons flying together, with Rainbow Dash at the lead.

"Watch the cross-breeze, it can come from two directions at once!" Rainbow said into her helmet's comlink. "Derpy, keep the squads rotating until we close on the target!"

"Rainbow, roger! I mean, roger, Rainbow!" Derpy's voice came back.

"Good job, girls, keep it up!" Twilight said, from the deck of one of the carriers. She watched them all with the eyes of her keen intellect, studying how and analyzing how each pony flew and coordinating them. "Do you have any specific orders for them, Dan?"

"No thanks," the human replied, lounging. "You could get one of them to refill my drink, if you wanted. Maybe have them do some tricks we haven't seen." On the deck of the newly-built Expunger-class carrier, All of My Rage, Dan, Chrys, Phoenix and Fluffle were taking the opportunity to relax, treating it more like a beach than a warship. Even Knight, their newly-acquired Magic Gear had returned to its ROOK mode while Daring Do showed off some of her latest findings.

Chrys lounged in a chair beside him, wearing a bikini and sipping from a dixie cup full of rainbow. "I could use some more rainbow if anypony's gonna make a run."

"Way ahead of you," Phoenix said, lugging over a cooler that looked suspiciously like the same one Boomhauer had brought in. "And since the griffons got a look at Cloudsdale's weather tech, we can make our own rainbow snow cones up here!" (And thankfully, they're free!)

Twilight looked over at the lawyer. His traditional blue coat and tie were gone, his undershirt was unbuttoned and instead of pants, he was wearing shorts and sandals. Twilight actually found herself blushing a bit. "Um, Phoenix, hey... almost didn't recognize you."

"Oh... ha, yeah, Dan said "Beach day" and I decided to just roll with it," he said, smiling. Even his hair was highlighted and he sported a pair of sunglasses that reminded her distinctly of Vinyl Scratch. Mostly though, she was surprised and happy to see Phoenix wasn't a bit disturbed that they were flying unrestrained on the deck of a griffon pirate ship several thousand feet above the surface. It was good to see.

Close to the bridge tower at the back of the deck, Blast Fuse and Blast Powder played volleyball with Fluffle Puff against Tux and Reginald. Fluffle Puff was the ball, raspberrying every time one of them made a return. Fluttershy, Spike and Gust were in the bridge and even then, the ship was autopilot while they were playing video games. Apart from all the fliers, the rest of the crew, including Dan's team, was having fun while the armada flew towards war.

"You guys..." Twilight said, watching all of them. "You're really just going to... play around when we're about to face the zebras?"

"Heheh, Twilight," Dan said, standing with a new drink. "We're gonna be fine! We've got the biggest air fleet Equestria's ever seen, all the advanced technology of the 'clavers and the techniques of the griffons, we can't lose."

Twilight looked around again. "You really think it's going to be that easy?"

"You have to admit, Twilight, we do have a lot of stuff," Chrys said, sipping again. "And Dan's plan is a pretty good one. We engage them now, head-on and we stop them from getting to Equestria."

"So there won't be any civilians or possible lawsuits to get in the way," Phoenix added.

"Which plan did we decide on again?" Twilight asked.

"Plan D," they all answered simultaneously.

Twilight thought. "Wait, didn't we do a Plan D already? Or is this a different Plan D? Does the D stand for Different?"

"No," Dan said. "Plan D- for Dump."

"Ha, dump," Chrys chuckled.

"It's not what you think it is," Dan said. "We've got all of this cool stuff, all these bombs and missiles and weapons and we're going to dump it all on the zebras. Most of the Enclave's stuff is broken, anyway, so we're just going to drop it all right on the zebras and if it doesn't work, we go get more bombs and stuff. We even drop landmines to slow 'em down while we go get more crap."

"We got plenty-a bombs," Blast Fuse said.

"We made sure of that," her sister added. They both nodded, happy with the work they'd done.

"So, we're taking a dump on the zebras. Good to know," Twilight surmised. "I have to admit, it's elegant in its simplicity and that's certainly worked out for us so far."

"Yep," Dan said, stretching. "Just ignore the fact that the carriers look like giant toilet seats and the fact that I'm gonna go get some more of those leftover tacos from Fort Jerk we've got in the fridge. You want anything?"

"A new Plan D?" Twilight sarcastically suggested.

Dan smiled and patted his friend on the head. "How 'bout Plan D for Drink? I'll grab ya a Mountain Daring Do, back in a sec," he said, skipping off to the bridge-fridge.

Twilight looked back down to Equestria, hoping Dan's confidence wasn't unfounded. No matter what they planned, there was still a possibility that General Zen Zeal and his zebra army was ready for it.

Unfortunately for all of them, Zen Zeal was very ready indeed.

Author's Note:

In case a few out there haven't seen Mike Judge's cartoon classic, King of The Hill, that was the intro we were using this time. We maybe using the popular webcomic Homestuck as our next intro as suggested and provided by Mr. Terabyte West.

As for the griffon ships, the two new ones- All of My Rage and All of My What are new to the air fleet and were built by the griffons in Ponyville using parts from their other destroyed vessels. All three of the All carriers are the Expunger-class of ship but have different colors.

Comments

[Terabyte West]

In all fairness, I'm waiting for the day you introduce an episode with Homestuck characters watching it.

I could draft the intro fer ya.

[Barrobroadcaster]

7751042 If you want to see it, let's make it happen. Honestly, I haven't seen that much of Homestuck myself and I'm not a big fan of the art style but if you want to see it in there, it's already there. As I've said, if anyone wants to contribute to the story and add to it, then they can if they truly love this world and these characters. Dan loves and hates everything equally... and at the same time, so this story has plenty of room.

If you want, write up something and send it to me in PM or just give me a description or something and I'll take up from there, your choice. I'll credit ya for the intro and thank you for being a fan of the series I'm sure Homestuck is great if someone like you enjoys it.

[LadyLeomon]

Ohmaigawd ... I was halfway through the 'intro' part when it hit me exactly who I was reading about! I haven't seen King of the Hill in years but it all came flooding back, in particular for some weird reason the episode where Peggy ended up in a wheel chair and it ended with her and her father-in-law dancing on his grave ... Yeah, no idea why I thought of that one

Haha now that I know Dan and Hank share the same Earth (am I right there or is this some inter-dimensional hoo-hah?) I'm imagining Hank's reaction to every time Dan takes his destruction to a citywide level ... and again for some weird reason I imagine Hank and Peggy sitting at one of the tables during the Ye Olde Shakespeare Dinner Theatre fiasco:

"Hank this soup tastes like soap!"
"That's funny ... reminds me of Luanne's cooking."
"Now Hank, you know Luanne's is just distractable!"
"Peggy we both know 'distractable' don't mean putting the food on plates then deep-frying the whole thing!"
"... Get ya coat, we can at least be poisoned in the safety of our own home. What?"
"Didn't Luanne say her date got cancelled tonight?"
"Good thing too, I didn't like that boy ... Too many piercings in the wrong places!"
"Didn't Bobby ask Luanne if she'd try deep frying again this mornin'?"
"... Drive Hank! Drive!!!
"I'm drivin' woman you call the Fire Department!!!"

Hehe sorry, couldn't resist, though I always felt sorry for Luanne. Anyway:

Phoenix in beach shorts! This lioness approves very much and Flufflepuff ping-pong is too cute (I did get a laugh imagining Tuxley playing!)

But the ending ... Where Elesa when you need her?! Can't her Zebstrika strike down Zen Zeal then lead the rest of the zebras to make the Pokemon World and Equestria better places? (I'd just re-watched Pokemon Generations episode 13 and seeing Elesa galloping into battle on her Zebstrika made me have this idea) And where is Zecora in all this Zebra-sanity?! If I find out she's a double agent for the Zebras heads will roll

Phew, fab intro chapter! The epicish battle is about to comenceth (Shin Chan reference!) and I can't wait to see how Dan will beat this striped city-flaming jerk down! I really can't wait to see it!

Awesome as always and see you next time ^_^

[Dustchu]

I got so confused when I saw King of the Hill at the start, holy crap man that brings back good memories from my childhood.

Awesome start to this new episode! Can't wait to see what craziness happens this episode.
The D-TRAIN is out!
*Choochoo*

[Booster Spice]

Vice is going to be laughing all the way to the fridge when he hears about how Dan thought he could take on Zen Zeal.

I dislike that Hyper Dimentional Pan Galactic Lifeform Blaster.

Wait till teh Zebra army is crossing Yellowwstone then trigger teh Caldera to launch the entire area of crust into escape orbit? He will have a way to deal with that. By tis point Im getting the feeling that if you put his army in a stasis field then move the rest of the planet, sun, moon and system to elsewhere he would have something done to counteract it. Which is Bdy annoying.

[Razzy]

Where's Raiden when you need him?

Hah, King of the Hill.

Down with the zebras!

And hire Batman, he'll outprepare Zeal.