• Published 12th Aug 2013
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Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) - Barrobroadcaster



The story of a man named Dan and all his friends in Equestria.

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Rad: Have it Both Ways

"Stay back, all of you!" Dan warned the hooded humans. He still held the pistol in his right hand but his best weapon of course was Twilight. He knew she and Rarity would react faster than any of these post-apocalyptic clowns.

"Dan-"

"Nobody's going with you! You aren't buying any pony, person or anything else!" Dan dropped the pistol, it accidentally discharged. But the bullet barely left the barrel of the gun before Twilight's magic caught it.

The hooded figures were all a bit different. Some were tall, some were short, some were skinny and others portly, a few might have been girls but it was hard to tell anything, and one had long hair poking out of the corners of its hood around its neck. They spoke with different voices, even had different personalities and channeled different histories. But they all had one thing in common.

Dan reached for the gun again, but Twilight held it away from him in her magic, until he was jumping for it. After he realized this, he spun around to her and asked simply, "Why?! Why won't you let me shoot them?! They're slavers, they wanted to BUY you!"

"They've always wanted the same thing," Twilight said. She looked straight ahead, resolute, as if staring past them.

Dan turned back to them. "What's the big deal? They're just... they're just..."

"Fans."

The hooded figures looked around at each other. The first one reached up with its gloved hands and removed its mask. A pair of eyes peered out from the hood... but nothing else.

"I couldn't have asked for better, you know? Really, you are a very impressive specimen, Dan. One in a million in your own way. And yet, common in so many ways. In all the ways that matter."

Dan turned back to her. And he glared. "Director. Cleo." The name was acid on his tongue.

"See? You're smarter than anyone gives you credit for, heh heh. I have to hand it to you, you get results."

"But," Doctor Whooves pointed, "Aren't you... aren't you dead?"

She shrugged. "I was never really born, so it's kinda confusing to me, too. I mean, seriously, have you guys ever thought what it's like to be ME? Not the easiest road to walk."

"I saw it," Rarity said. "Back at Vice Grip's mountain fortress, he shot you. And then-"

"He froze me. So I couldn't regenerate." The other hooded figures all removed their masks one at a time. Different colored eyes were behind them, some were faded and others were pulsing, glowing, some only had one eye. They were all different, but they were all her.

"Oh don't get me wrong," she continued, "I'm thankful for what Rice did for me. Something that never really lived can't die, so the experience was honestly exhilarating. I'd never felt more... alive."

Dan scoffed. "That's a pretty messed up way to find validation of your own existence."

"Dan, you're not helping," Twilight said. But then again, neither was Cleo.

"When it's your only way, you'll understand."

"It's never the only way," Dan said. He actually sounded serious about that. And followed it up with, "You only think it's the only way because you stopped looking."

Cleo snarled, or at least, as much as she could without a physical face. Dan had a way of getting under anyone's skin, even if they did not have physical skin.

"It's not just MY existence that's been on the line. All of you, you're here because I willed it, because I helped make it happen, to save you all. My death has arrived, as it has before, but this time you'll finally be able to survive it."

"We SAVED Equestria," Dan shouted back. "We SAVED you when we had EVERY reason not to. Still have every reason not to! You love us all SOOOO much but you won't trust us with a damn thing. We're just a bunch of... toys to you, toys you're too sad to see broken. But you failed to realize that we're ALL broken here, sister. We're done being your collector's items."

"Done? You're DONE? You think you're DONE with anything?" A deep warbling sound filled the air, like a flexing of the fabric of space and time itself. It was possibly the universe's equivalent to a fake laugh, the act alone such an exertion it caused dimensional tension. Dan was clearly pissing her off.

"You NEED my direction. This is what everything has been leading to! You're already on your way and you have no choice! You must find the new Equestria and you will carry me with you, always bonded with you. There are places even Hasbro won't find us, between the cracks in the dimensional rifts, we can slip through them with ease!"

"I don't believe it," Cap said. "You destroyed your own planet, endangered the lives and killed untold millions just to force us all to leave with you."

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "Don't you see my brilliance?"

"Wow, brilliance. Just... wow," Chris said sarcastically. "I, I honestly miss Wesker right now. I really, really do."

"I... don't," Cap admitted.

"If you say you miss Brooklyn, I'm going to hit you."

"Was gonna say I miss Bucky."

"Oh. Yeah, I get that."

"Don't you all GET IT? This world has so many threats, so many people in charge that could just... just wipe it away at any given moment, the only way to get them to leave it alone... is to screw it up for ourselves! That way they won't want to any more! Now, we can all just move somewhere else!"

Dan pulled on Twilight's wing. "Can I shoot her now? Please?"

"AAAARRGH! You are going to call Khan right now!" Summoning her strength, she absorbed the other forms of herself, the other hooded figures. They all were vacuumed up into her shadows, becoming darker and darker until her regular form took shape again, except taller. She was leaving nothing to chance.

Neither was Dan.

"You've survived everything this world could throw at you and then some. Doomsday machines, invasions from alternate realities, every apocalyptic thing from the Cutie Pox to the powers of chaos! Even after the world has ended, you all have triumphed. You're prepared for anything! The unknown is nothing to you! All thanks to my guidance!"

"You mean in spite of it," Twilight said firmly. "You haven't been there to coach us through anything. You haven't offered advice or helped us. All you did was bring crisis after crisis for us to face, because you want a good show out of us."

She smiled. "Don't I? And what of it? Who says I can't enjoy my work? Discord certainly does."

"Discord is our friend!" Twilight countered.

"Let's not go that far," Dan counter-countered.

"Discord is... mostly our friend!"

"Still too far."

"Grrrr," Twilight snarled, "You're not Discord!"

"There ya go," Dan said. With Twilight a bit distracted, he was now able to grasp the gun, still clutched in her magic, but she was refusing to let it go, so Dan pretty much just held onto it as it levitated, unable to turn it or wrest it from her grasp. Not from lack of trying, though.

"Wow, he's really rubbing off on you, isn't he? Look, there's been some ups and downs, but we can still pull together. I'm not beyond redemption, am I?"

Twilight actually considered it. She considered what she was saying, and the fact that she was holding the pistol still in her magic. Redemption... both Discord and Chrys had found it. But they had found it in themselves, the desire to change, to be better. It came from within, and forgiveness followed. Cleo just wanted forgiveness without learning anything from it.

The Director could sense Twilight's conflict. And the very thought angered her. "No... you're too much like him."

"What do you mean..." Twilight asked. And she wasn't the only one that asked. She suddenly found herself looking at the gun. It was more symbolic; the power to end this right then, right there was within her grasp.

Twilight was now using all of her powers. It was an incredible but also terrifying feeling. The more powerful you were, the easier it was to make mistakes, to cause great harm. It was restrictive in its own way, like being a giant trying not to step on the smaller world around you. But sometimes... it felt good to step on things.

The old Twilight Sparkle would not be considering ending the Director's existence. As a spirit of the planet, she was tied to it physically. With it dead, her corporeal state was tied to the physical forms she could manifest from leftover objects. She was vulnerable. And she knew it. The new Twilight felt it, and considered just finishing her off.

"All I ever wanted was to be a part of your world. All I ever wanted... was a second chance."

"That's two things, though. So it's not 'all' you ever wanted."

"I know, Dan. She wants both."

"What?"

The Director shrugged. "Why not have it both ways? Why does HE get everything he wants?!"

"Because he cares about something other than himself!" Twilight shouted.

"That's right! And I- wait, what?" Dan asked.

"You only care about yourself," Twilight said. She scolded the Director, shaking the gun at her like a naughty child. Because, that's basically what she was. "You watch us, you say you love us, but you never learned any of our lessons. You don't have our values the same way Dan does."

"You're talking about our Dan, right?" Phoenix asked. "Because uh, you're kind-of-"

"Shut up, Phoenix."

"Yeep." (Note: god mode Twilight is short on patience.)

"Sorry, I... it's been a long day."

"That's one way to put it." (Another way would be that we technically haven't had a day since the apocalypse.) Which was true; the sun hadn't moved. Equestria's rotation was slow normally and required Celestia to move the sun, or some sort of magic, but without any, everything had stopped.

That's what really ended the world. It's why both the GenoHaradan and the Director were right: people were important. They did make a difference. They were special. The loss of enough, even one, could mean the end of the world. Without one simple difference in the eyes of one being, nothing made sense. The right person with the right thought could make the world, or break it, or entirely unmake if they wanted to. Magic had always been about such things. Pure possibility.

Dan frowned. He let go of the pistol, finally, and just looked at the Director. "You know... I have no idea if Twilight is right about me. Probably not but hey, maybe she's onto something. Weirder things have happened."

"Weirder things have happened TODAY, even," Doctor Whooves said.

"But even if she wasn't, we still wouldn't let you on our team," Dan stated. "EVEN IF you could be trusted, which you can't, even if you hadn't kidnapped and brainwashed and tortured my friends, even if you HADN'T put us all through the hell we just went through, I STILL wouldn't let you, OF ALL PEOPLE, join our team."

"AND WHY. THE HELL. NOT?!?!" Another reality-cracking pulse ripped through the air. It made everyone's teeth feel like they were vibrating. "If it wasn't for any of your friends, what was it then? What the hell DID I DO TO YOU??!!"

Dan folded his arms. "You messed with my stuff. I don't like it when people mess with my stuff."

"...Really?"

Dan nodded. "Also, remember when you told me to call Khan?"

"Ye-"

"Well, I already did. Had. Called him twenty minutes ago."

"What?"

"And he's right behind you."

The blast from the Danfiant would have vaporized them all if not for Twilight and Rarity's quick timing. They shielded the group just as the phasers came down, vaporizing everything in the vicinity of ponies, donkeys and humans. The top of the garrison glowed with red-orange light and for the first time that day, it was an orbital strike they were all happy to see.

The spot where the Director stood exploded. Her hooded clock was vaporized and the rest of her mangled body was thrown to the balcony. Overwhelmed by the light, heat and energy, her magic was not enough to sustain her physical form, and even with her power, she began to deteriorate until but a skeleton remained. The blackened form of some pony-human hybrid burned on the wall of the prison, black as ash.

"Heh... this isn't the end of me. You know that."

"We know," Twilight said over the sound of the phasers. "But it'll buy us enough time for us to leave you behind."

With the last of her strength, the Director looked over to all of them, just as her body vaporized. "This was never your home." And she disappeared, back into her dormant state. The phasers cut off and she was gone.

That would have been the moment for the sun to come out. That would have been the moment for them finally to declare peace. It would have been a great moment, one worthy of celebration, but any hint of joy from the Director's defeat was gone almost as quickly as it came. For Equestria died with her.

The ground shook again. The wind suddenly became fierce and cold. Storm clouds gathered, thunder rang out and the planet seemed to breath its last.

"What's going on?"

"This is why we shouldn't have shot her!" Phoenix yelled. "Seriously, it would have been better to team up with her and THEN kill her after we've left the planet!"

"Nicky, the next time we have a supernatural tyrant in custody, you can make the call about what to do with her."

"You already TOLD ME I could do that though!"

Dan shrugged. "Alright, you can have two next time."

"I want it in writing."

"No."

"Shake on it?"

"Fine," Dan said, and they shook on it. And this will be an excellent foreshadowing for when we finally get to season 2.

"Wait," Cap stopped them all, "So... she wasn't lying?"

Twilight looked down. "I'm afraid not."

Dan shrugged again, still brimming with confidence. "It's not a big deal. Whatever's wrong with the planet, we'll be able to fix it and get things working again. Did that once already."

Twilight turned to Dan. "No, Dan. Not this time."

"Come again?"

She sighed heavily, the sigh of an exhausted mare. "Equestria has taken too much damage, Dan. Not even you can repair all of it."

"That sounds like a challenge to me. With enough duct tape, I-"

"THIS IS SERIOUS!!" she shouted. Everyone looked at her. Even without her powers amped up and emotions bubbling on the surface, she still wasn't exaggerating. Dan looked at her eyes and saw not fear, not even really sadness but pain, the pain of a current loss. The pain of having to give something up.

Equestria, Ponyville, the entire kingdom from the edge of the Everfree to the summit of Mount Prosperity, from the cliffs of Ghastly Gorge to the fields of Sweet Apple Acres. From Sugar Cube Corner to Pone Depot, it was all gone. And it wasn't coming back.

Dan held Twilight. And he felt himself cry. Everything that happened, everything they went through, one of the things that kept them going was the thought that they could make things right. That they COULD undo the damage. Revenge was all about getting even, balancing things out. But there were some things that you couldn't make right. Some damage could not be undone. You just had to move past it, to pick yourself up and keep going.

The cold closed in. Haze and fog lowered to envelope them all. Twilight unleashed a pulse of purple magic. The spell exploded in the atmosphere, dispelling the cold and blasting away the storm clouds. The clouds parted and they were finally able to see the sky, night as it was.

But it was only a temporary measure and they all knew it. Without ponies, without magic, without friendship, this was a winter that could not be wrapped up.

"I don't know how long that will last," Twilight said. "We... we need to act quickly."

Dan nodded. "We're going to use the cannon to reach the moon."

Twilight grabbed his hands. "It's not just us," she had to make him understand. "We have to evacuate as many as we can. Equestria has ended. The planet is-"

"Don't say it again. We... we can't have it both ways any more than she can," Dan said. Holding her hooves tightly, he looked up to the moon as it loomed over them, casting its pale light upon them all as it hung in the night sky.

"Let's go get our friends back."


Next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship... Equestria has fallen. The world Dan and company have fought so hard for, the place they call home, is gone. In its place is only the hope of rescuing their friends, of somehow continuing onward. The world they would have died to protect, the world many of them gave their lives for, is now dead.

Next Saturday, Dan will rise.

Only on FIMFiction.net.

Author's Note:

Hey cool, broke 900k words. Yeah it's gonna hit a million before it's over, buckle up. Also, despite everything that's happened here, I'd like to remind you all that writing is a realm of possibility. Anything can happen and I've still got some twists planned. Not gonna be like Shyamalan twists, either. Fun stuff. And probably funny too, if I pull it off right.

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