Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Errands: That Is Everything Wrong With That

Dan really hit it off with his new friend, Kent. Kent was tough like Captain America and keen like Chris Redfield. Taller than Dan, not quite as tall as Phoenix, sounded kinda like David Hayter, oddly enough.

"Anyone ever said you sound like Solid Snake without a lot of the grit and rasp?"

"Not that I can recall," Kent said.

"Say 'Magic Gear.'"

"Has anyone told you that you sound like Steve's friend from err, Family Guy?"

"You're thinking of American Dad," Dan said. "And uh, no. No one's ever said that. About me. To me. Ever."

"Some people think I sound like a girl," Spike said. The two taller humans casted a silent glance at him, to which he responded, "I know, right?"

The three chatted as they walked south from the airfield. Haypenny Lane curved through the southwest corner of Ponyville stretching from the airfield down to the entrance and Mane Street. A humorous rumor among young ponies was that it was named Haypenny Lane because of a time when one of the wagons delivering freshly-minted to the bank overturned and spilled bits all over the road. Nothing like that had ever actually happened, as pegasi made all deliveries to the bank, and yet you were still more often likely to find loose coins on this street than any other in Ponyville.

In fact, Spike found a dropped coin while they were walking.

"Hey, a penny. We could use some good luck." He picked up the coin and pocketed it, despite not wearing anything with pockets. Or clothes at all. One of Dan's rules was 'never turn down a good thing.' And 'never discard something that's free.' He always approved of picking up coins.

The way ponies thought, the way people did things, from stories to their own imaginations, made things more real in Equestria. Facts and the truth were concrete and could never be anything else. Stories, from legend to rumor to myth and everything in between, could become more true even if they started out false. That's how this particular reality worked due to magic, and it also somewhat explained how Pinkie Pie understood so much.

So, while a wagonload of pennies never rolled down the street, cascading in brilliant copper one summer's day to the delight of colts and fillies, you were more likely to find a coin or two on that street. Maybe it was somepony just wanting to keep the legend alive, maybe it was magic. Maybe it was even both, and that was where the truth truly lay.

A couple pegasi took off from the bank in a hurry. There was a lot of hurrying going on lately, so that was not surprising.

"Are things ever going to get back to normal around here?" Spike asked.

"They're already getting back to normal," Dan said. Teeth gritted, he added, "Unfortuntely."

"This world is very fortunate. I've seen planets that faired much worse and never recovered," Kent said.

"Yeah? Give me an example."

"Taris," he replied instantly, head level and forward-facing as they walked.

"And what happened there?" Dan asked, looking over at the man.

"A lot."

"You feel like giving any details?"

"No."

Dan's pace slowed as he asked his questions but Kent's did not. The steel stranger continued walking on, despite the fact Dan hadn't told him the destination.

They arrived at the corner of Haypenny Lane and Mane Street near the entrance to town. The Mane Street Cafe was located right by the entrance, a common stop for travelers, visitors and locals alike. It was a simple half indoor, half outdoor cafe that resembled more of a large shack in construction with a large awning roof supported by three walls. The kitchen was in the back with a counter running in an L-shape from the right side of the entrance to the back.

A sister restaurant was Mane Street Diner located by the train station, technically not on Mane Street, it did have air conditioning and a larger staff, menu and facilities. The same ponies owned and managed both locations, working on alternating shifts. Small town with a small population, and a method to the small town atmosphere.

They sat at the counter and ordered food; the place was small enough they didn't have to wait to be seated. Dan preferred the barstools at a place like this, and it looked like Kent did as well, seeing as how he approached the counter first rather than a table.

"You gonna sit down?"

"I prefer to stand," Kent said. "The armor isn't that comfortable to sit in."

"I can imagine," Dan commented, judging the man head-to-toe. "Do you plan on taking that helmet off any time soon?"

"Tonight, actually," Kent commented. The drinks came first, a combination of fruit juice, root juice and tea that was brewed in mass quantities. It was healthy stuff, very nutritious and tasted good to ponies and members of all other species. Various blends and concoctions produced a variety of flavors, the more exotic of which added extracts of plants with magic properties. Extracts from prank plants, or vegetabilis badgagius, the members of which included Poison Joke, were typically frowned upon being mixed into drinks and generally their only use were in late-night dares and wagers.

Kent unsealed his helmet and lifted the helmet only slightly to take a drink, not enough to see anything underneath. Which was the point.

"So are you a Mandalorian and a Jedi?" Spike asked.

"Yes," Kent said, setting the drink down. "And I've seen my fair share of things. As have both of you."

"Do you have your own ship?"

"Yes," Kent said again. "And I know you're in the process of fixing yours," he turned slowly to Dan.

Dan smiled coyly. "Well, you seem to know ALL about us, so why not tell us your story?"

"I suppose I can enlighten you," Kent said. He sat his drink down again. "I worked as a navigator while I was in training. My ship found a new empire that we didn't even know existed. We were shot down, but I survived, formed a resistance and eventually overthrew that empire. I ruled the galaxy for about six months until everything fell apart. Rather than let the cycle repeat itself, I left before an uprising could destroy what I'd built. I joined the Jedi Order and decided to rebuild planets rather than trying to conquer or liberate them."

"And one of them was this terrace place," Dan said.

Kent picked up his drink again. He downed it in a single gulp. "Yes, it was."

"Bet you wish you could rebuild a planet as quickly as I did, eh?" Dan elbowed him.

"Well uh, let's just say what you did wouldn't have helped Taris," Kent said. "Luck like that doesn't happen that often."

"Luck? You think that was luck that let me do all this? I thought you guys didn't even believe in luck."

Kent turned to him, one elbow on the bar, one hand holding the empty glass. "I'm not like most 'guys.'"

Strangely, did not rise to the obvious challenge the man made. He simply turned back and sipped his drink. "Me neither."

Spike munched on a gem-and-cheese sandwich while he listened. Whatever was going on between the two of them, he didn't know. But he knew it was something. The waitress regarded all three of them with a bit of a wide-eyed expression and refilled their drinks quietly.

The rest of their order came and the conversation quieted down. Dan had a BLTPBnJ, a sandwich of his own design that combined the classic bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with the traditional peanut butter and jelly sandwich. During the vacation episode, Dan had a falling out with Trixie after it was revealed Trixie ate her PBnJs with mustard, which Dan and other sane people of the world consider a disgusting blasphemy.

Halfway through his sandwich, Dan started the conversation again. "So Kent, what exactly WOULD help our world, after all you've seen?"

"I-" That question was one Kent hadn't expected. He looked over to Dan, then back to the counter. Dan imagined the man's eyebrows were raised under his helmet. "I don't know, to be honest. It depends on how badly you want to keep this planet, I suppose."

"Badly," Dan replied. His coy demeanor had vanished and he now stared, eyes like daggers back at him. "Very badly."

"Well, you've got your work cut out for you." Kent downed his second drink in a single gulp.

"How so?"

Kent looked over at him again. "You kicked over a lot of rocks to get where you are. Equestria was a pretty innocuous place before you got involved, but I guess it wasn't meant to stay that way."

"It wasn't," Dan said. Little did they know, he was thinking of something else in that moment, something he kept to himself. Between himself and Luna. Perhaps it was time for that to end.

Kent was also playing this game and Dan could tell. He was about to pry more, so Dan responded first.

"I know we're going to need help. I don't dismiss that. But what kind of help- which allies can we afford and which allies should we avoid?"

The Mand'ojedaii faced forward again. "You've found plenty. You seemed to like the Empire more than the Rebellion. I've seen the pros and cons of both. The Terran Empire has touched this place, the Sith had at least one temple here, there's space pirates in the forest, Team Rocket, the GenoHaradan and have you seen how many Markers are here? The only reason you don't have necromorphs crawling all over this place is because by some miracle, you haven't actually killed anyone yet!"

Dan slammed the counter. "NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING! But I see exactly what you're saying!"

"What is he saying?" Spike asked.

Dan stood up. "We need to go kill a guy! Let's go kill Rice Flip."

Spike's head hit the counter. "Was this your plan the whole time? To set it up to be about killing that guy?"

"He could be a valuable ally," Kent said. "If you are able to reconci-"

"SHUT THE THE HELL UP!! NO WAY AM teaming up with that... that fiend, that cyber maniac, the lying, cheating, ruthless, evil scumbag sleeze of that guy! He's the WORST PONY on this PLANET and MINE. Two planets! Rice-whatever his stupid name is is the most evil, worthless piece of trash on TWO PLANETS. One of the ponies from Earth that can't talk or think or anything would be a better ally than that-"

"I see, but you may need his help at some point," Kent said. "Former enemies can make great allies. He also knows much about Equestria."

"No he doesn't."

"And his technology is impressive."

"NOITISN'T!"

Kent now leaned with his back on the counter, almost enjoying the situation. Maybe more than almost. "Really, what do you have against allying with former enemies? What's wrong with that?"

Discord walked in. "Guess who's getting their own t.v. show!"

"THAT," Dan pointed at Discord. "THAT is EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THAT."

"Are we sure they don't serve alcohol here?" Spike asked, pulling out a scroll. "I'm just going to put Berry Punch's winery on our errand's list, in case we ever actually get back to doing errands today. Probably won't, but eh."

Discord took off his brand new showbiz sunglasses. "I feel like I've missed a few things."

"You probably have, but it loops back around into being stupid again, so you don't have to worry," Kent said.

"Did you just break the fourth wall?" Discord asked.

"I mean, I'm still new here, so you tell me. Can I get a refill?" Kent asked the waitress, but Discord snapped his fingers and his cup filled on its own. With popcorn shrimp. "Wow, my cup's full of shrimp. Lawl, so funny. You're gonna be great on t.v."

"I'm not already?" Discord asked, grinning at the audience.

Dan proceeded to argue with Discord. It was rather one-sided because Discord was getting his own t.v show and there was little Dan could do about it, other than complain. He complained about the time it was going to come on, the channel, the fact Discord was in it at all, the fact that he didn't have his own t.v show(any more) among other things. Kent and Spike went back to eating, when Kent suddenly stopped.

Spike didn't notice. Neither did Discord or Dan, or anyone else for that matter, but Kent did. That odd, tingling feeling in the Force that usually accompanied the presence of the dark side. Like fingers gently prickling at your shoulder. They were here.

No, they were close.

No, they were behind him.

"hesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeehh..."

*VZZRRRMMM!*

"HAHHHHHSSSS!"

Dan didn't even see Kent ignite his lightsabers. But in a flash, in a fraction of a second, the orange man was standing with two lit orange blades of light, facing outward. Dan, Spike, Discord and the ponies around them were stunned into silence. They hadn't even noticed he'd actually sliced through two strange, dark-suited figures until they fell to the ground.

"The hell...?" Dan asked. He scrambled over to one of the fallen strangers. "Who the... WHERE the hell did these guys come from?"

"They've been following us," Kent said, breathing heavy. "They've been here for a while."

In fact, they'd been there since before Kent arrived. Since before even Dan arrived. There were some who came to Equestria and didn't feel the need to advertise their presence. Some were there just to hide. To hide themselves from others... or what they were doing.

The two figures were wearing black clothes, almost like a mix between tunics and vestments. Atop their heads were masks with large, red insect-like eyes. Each had a slice directly through their chests where Kent's blades had cut them.

"Who the hell are these guys?"

"Assassins," Discord said, a touch of fright in his voice. His paw raised to his face. "I've only been a t.v star for a day and already people are trying to kill me!"

"They weren't here for just you," Kent said, withdrawing his blades. "They were here for all of us. They've been watching us all for a while now."

"Again, WHO in the hell are these guys?" Dan asked.

"They're Sith. Sith assassins. They're on Equestria," Kent said. His breath was heavy and rapid, noticeable even through his armor. He turned around, braced himself on the counter. The waitress that had been serving them was gone.

"Hey... are you alright?" Spike asked. The small dragon tugged his armor, which caused the man to jolt back. "Hey!"

"St-stop. They're here, they've BEEN here. They could be-" A plate shattered. One of the tables emptied, half-eaten food still on it. "They're everywhere!"

"Mr. Orange, you should really calm down," Discord said.

"Almost... got it!" Dan finally wrenched the mask off one of them. And the man evaporated into a cloud of red smoke. "*cough cough cough* Oh, that is bullshit! What is this? TRON?" The other one evaporated a moment later.

"We have to leave. We have to get out of here- now!" Kent vaulted over the counter and dashed for the kitchen door. Despite the knight's lightning speed, Dan somehow reached the kitchen door before him.

"Not the kitchen, no!" Dan stopped him. "That's how they got Bobby!"

"Bobby who?"

Dan forgot sometimes that he and Phoenix were the only ones from Earth. He may have never voted(willingly), and he may not have liked Discord, but Dan was firmly against assassination. When he wasn't the assassin.

"Look Kenty, just calm down."

"THERE'S INVISIBLE ASSASSINS TRYING TO KILL US. WHY DO YOU SUGGEST I CALM DOWN?"

Dan shrugged. "You're new here. People trying to kill us isn't exactly a new thing."

"He's right," Spike said. "We've had this problem for a while. Not exactly sure who we call about it."

"I may know of somepony," Dan said. "There's one pony in town who knows a thing or two about not being seen. Grab your lunch, let's go find her."

Author's Note:

I was considering removing the reference to Senator Robert Kennedy's murder, considering it would be in poor taste to a joke, except it's not a joke. Not all references are supposed to be jokes, though admittedly most of them are. The fact is, parts of this story will always be dated; Dan is a product of his time, a man who grew up in this era. So some of these references, dated and otherwise, are meant to preserve these things. That, and the subject is assassins.

The murder of John F. Kennedy and later his brother, Robert Kennedy captured the attention of the nation. They were not perfect people, but society is also not perfect in preserving their memories or what happened. JFK is synonymous with conspiracy theories rather than the tragic assassination of a leader of men, a nation. Our political leaders have gained celebrity status themselves in the age of this story's writing, and that has ramifications more negative than positive. These are human beings, all of them, and Dan knows that. Going forward, he will learn more about what it's like to be a leader himself.

Beyond liberal and conservative, Republican and Democrat, beyond all these labels we give people, there are hearts and minds. We have more in common with our fellow man than not.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Dear Pinkie Pie, there are invisible Sith Assasins who entire reason for existing is to ruin everyones party in every way possible.

They are on Equestria and have just ruined Dan and Spikes little gettogether party.

[LadyLeomon]

Wow can’t believe it’s been a whole year since the last installment! Have Chris and Dan set a date for the wedding? Has Marksaline come to meet her fluffy niblings? Have Cap n’ Chris come back to visit yet? A New Year has begun ... and with it the Dansanity shall continue! So:

A new (New Year) chapter means it’s ~Sunday~ now let me see n’ere *dons reading glasses*

You know what? I like this Kent Guy, sure he’s a tad too trusting (trust Rice, that right there is a good one!) but we can train that out of him and-INVISIBLE SITH ASSASSINS?! Bucking Hell the new guy brought some weirdos with him!

(BRB Pinkie Promise!)

Truly thank you for this new chapter Dan-tastic Author and I’ll eagerly await the next, I hope your New Year went well and that 2021 is only kind to you. Honestly my last few days of 2020 weren’t great, had to say goodbye to one of my furry friends (rehomed, he’s healthy and safe) after my clumsy butt took a tumble on the ice, landed on my sit-upon and bloodied up my hand a bit, so yeah, 2020 is on my my *Squee* List now), but I really hope yours goes better for all the joy you give me each weekend to let me face the week ahead.

Awesome as always and I’ll see you ~next time~

Your Eternal Fan 🎉💙🐱💙🎉

[Barrobroadcaster]

10612578
I actually have a few cute things planned that will answer a couple of those questions. Good seeing you as always, take your time! And stay safe sweetheart.

[Razzy]

Sithsassins are a real chore to deal with.