Zulu: A Series of Unfortunate Defense
Ponygon Plains, North-West of Appleloosa
The next day
Wedge's training was rigorous. Dan insisted that all of them be involved at the same time, something that most of them thought was a bad idea, but they were all trained quickly just the same. Colress took the hippies with him on the Plasma Frigate, effectively removing them from the story. After the obligatory 80s training montage, Dan decided they were ready. He formulated a plan for taking out the zebras, and fifteen other backup plans in case the first one didn't work out.
The All of My Yes, All of My Rage and All of My What and Magic Gear Knight had all been repaired(using the hippies' caravan vehicles for spare parts), though only the Rage and Knight were participating in the current operation. It was decided that the best course of action was to engage the zebras on the ground rather than in the air again, so only one of Gust's carriers was deployed to help provide a bunch of eyes in the sky.
Dan assembled his army on a green hillside overlooking the plains. Most of them were griffons and pegasi, recently recovered from their last attack. Both Dan and Phoenix were wearing their Royal Guard armor, Phoenix's having just arrived from Ponyville. Dan's armor was the same purple, white and gold with the word JERK emblazoned on the breast plate while Phoenix's had the same colors but had more of an eastern influence. Specifically, it looked like samurai armor but instead of a sword, he was given an umbrella- an advanced umbrella.
"We all know why we're here," Dan began.
"I don't."
"MOST of you know why you're here."
"I don't either."
"I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE!" Dan yelled. "We're here to beat those Oreo-painted punks back to their own borders, to kick them out of Equestria once and for all!"
A few ponies applauded. "We're here with you, Dan," Phoenix said, patting him on the back. (At least some of the troops are roused.)
"Look around you!" Dan said, making sweeping gestures, "this might as well be a giant front lawn. EQUESTRIA's front lawn. And those black-and-white fascists are marching across it right to our front door! I don't remember inviting them, do you?!"
"No?" the soldiers replied.
"Do you, Nicky?!"
"You know I didn't."
"That's right!!" Dan turned around. "Today, you all stand with me, we stand together, united for our homeland! We will push back these evil bastards and KICK THEM OFF OUR LAWN!!"
They cheered at that part, knowing that when the guy who makes the speech gets really loud, it's time to cheer. Unfortunately, that also meant it was close to the time to attack, and a lot of them were nervous about it. The ponies and griffins were armed with baseball bats, golf clubs, crutches, canes and anything else that resembled a big stick you could hit someone with. They were armored with pots, pans and pieces of furniture- anything stolen from the hippies or taken from Dan's base they could use.
Dan raised his pain cane and a shield he'd made from a railroad crossing sign. Brandishing them both, he was planning on making tracks on some of these zebras. It wasn't long before the distinctive *klam-klam-klam* of the zebras' shields and spears could be heard by Dan and his Jerk Army. They shifted uneasily, knowing that the clatter of the marching zebras was usually the last thing those who stood in Zen Zeal's way heard.
Or Czulkang Lah. Wedge had given them all some basic tactics, training on how to engage the Yuuzhan Vong, something he had never done outside the cockpit of an X-Wing. It was more about their fighting styles, the coordination the Zebras/YVs used that was important to know. They still weren't entirely sure how to engage this enemy, so it was time for an experiment.
High above them on the deck of All of My Rage, Twilight and Chrys watched with binoculars. Behind them, Tuxley and Reginald were indulging in tea. Captain Clutch, the pink griffon squeeze toy Gust favored because of the open relationship he had with his wife, delivered them their tea.
"Thank you, madame," Tuxley said. "I hope it wasn't too difficult to get the kettle bowling at this altitude."
The griffon giggled. "You have no idea," she said, setting their drinks on the table.
"Haha, certainly," Tuxley chuckled. He sat down his newspaper.
"Are you guys gonna come help?!" Twilight called over her shoulder. "We could use another spotter on the foredeck!"
"Of course, m'ladies, but I'm afraid tea has arrived," Tuxley said.
Chrys hovered up to them. "You're seriously stopping to have tea?"
"It is four, Miss Chrys."
"Yeah, but..." Chrys looked back at Twilight. "We're kinda going to war right now."
"I know," Tuxley said. "But it is four."
"Four 'o clock," Twilight said. "Tea time in Britain- usually around four. They eat like a snack before dinner."
"If you'll excuse us, ladies," Tuxley said, leaning forward. Chrys didn't understand, but didn't object to it, either. She imagined what she and Dan would be like if they were from the United Kingdom. For some reason, the image of Biff Wellington entered her mind, along with a Tesco Plus burning behind him.
Tuxley finally laid eyes on his drink. And then he looked around, trying to find his drink. "Reginald?"
"Yes, sir?"
"We did order tea, did we not?"
"I believe so, sir," Reginald answered. He held up his own glass- a tall transparent plastic cup with iced, sweetened black tea and a lemon wedge perched on the corner. He sipped it. "Is not in oder?"
Tuxley looked at his own glass. Same as Reginald's. Tea, tall transparent glass, lemon, straw and... cubes of ice. The tyrannosaurus blinked. "There is ice in the tea."
"Mm, yes sir," Reginald said, drinking. "It's iced tea."
"Ice... in tea?" Tuxley repeated. "Not milk?" He lifted up the glass in his reptilian claw as if examining something alien.
"No, sir. Iced tea, served sweet. Likely pre-brewed, given that it would be difficult for water to boil at this altitude, as you said," Reginald analyzed. "I believe it's American-styled."
"American," Tuxley repeated again. "Lizard Lord Nelson's trousers... is nothing sacred to the Yanks?"
Reginald chuckled. "Sir wouldn't by chance be overreacting, would he? Dare I mention... Brexit?"
Tuxley frowned at him. "Please. This is enough torment for today."
"Hehehe... enough Brexcitement, you mean?"
The rex shook his head. "Your laugh resembles Thatcher's," he said, taking the glass. "And in the spirit Brexit, I shall proclaim: nothing ventured, nothing gained." He took a drink. And smiled. "Hmm. The lemon is a nice touch."
Reginald looked delightedly surprised. "You approve?"
Tuxley nodded. He then set the drink down and got up. "Refreshing, I think is the term the Yanks would use. Now, Reginald, bring me my gun."
"You're not going to finish it?"
"That's enough experimenting for today," the lizard replied. "Let's indulge in another American tradition: shooting something foreign because it bothers us!"
"That's an exaggeration. And a racist one that stereotypes Americans- like Dan," Reginald reminded him.
"They ruined tea," Tuxley said. "Even though... it was enjoyable. Perhaps it is beneficial to ruin some traditions, to reinvent them. But the next tea shall be hot."
"I'll make a note of it, sir. Your rifle."
Tuxley loaded his elephant meteor gun. "Let us ruin the zebras' day! I do hope they're in the mood for an iced-cold glass of revenge!"
Reginald nodded, approving. "Couldn't have said it better myself."
Down on the ground, the zebras approached. The marched in formation, weapons undrawn, approaching Dan and the others on top of the hill. They marched into the center of the field.
"Alright," Dan said, drawing his weapon. "Remember the plan! We have the high ground!"
"What was the plan again?" Phoenix asked.
"CHARRRRGGEE!!!" The human raised both weapons in the air and quickly added, "ZEN ZEAL!!!!!!!"
And the zebras yelled back: "ZULU!" They lowered their weapons and charged right back, and the battle was joined. Ponies and griffons clashed with the zebras, smashing blunt objects against their wooden shields. The zebras fought back, swiping with their swords and spears. A griffon bashed a zebra in the muzzle with his own shield; one of the tactics was to try and take their weapons at close range, depriving them of their ability to regenerate and coordinate.
Bulk Biceps and a muscular griffon named Tough Traps fought zebras back-to-back with their bare hooves and claws. Dan swung and smashed his way through the zebras, searching for Zen Zeal. He smacked a zebra in the face so hard with his cane it left a horseshoe imprint on the side of his muzzle and knocked him into another zebra. He swept the legs out from under another one and then brought the head of his cane down on his victim like a hammer. A zebra tried to sneak up on him during the maneuver until Dan swung back with is sign-shield and backhanded him. Blood, teeth and feathers flew everywhere.
Phoenix cautiously stepped his way through the battlefield, mostly ducking and weaving through the blows of others. More than once, a jab aimed him would strike a zebra behind him, to which he would immediately apologize as he stepped over the fallen, following Dan.
"Where are you hiding?!" Dan roared. "Come out, you panzer pansy! Where's Invader Zim/Zen Zeal?!"
"Ahh, so quick to charge in, aren't you?" Czulkang Lah's voice said. "Your courage is commendable. My greatest opponent has taught you well."
Dan looked around. The voice sounded like it was only a foot away, even through the sounds of carnage around him. It was as if Czulkang Lah was speaking in his ear. "Where are you? Czulkang Lah? You having second thoughts about fighting me?"
"No." A sharp pain suddenly stabbed Dan in the back. "Are you?"
"AAAHHH!" Dan yelled. He swung his cane behind him but there was no one there. He was in the eye of a storm of zebras, ponies and griffons. "You too afraid to face me fairly? You have to hit me in the back? I thought you were big on honor!"
"I am!" Czulkang said. "I am not fighting you- that was a Czulkang Lah Pit! It is a mark of distinction, to indicate you have survived the teachings of Czulkang Lah! You are not worthy to fight me yet, Captain Dan- today, I am your teacher."
"ARRRAAAGGH!" Dan yelled as something stabbed him again, the same place.
"First lesson- you do not abandon a defensive position to engage. You let the enemy come to you. Observe!"
*Klam-klam-klam-klam-klam*
Suddenly, the zebras stopped fighting. They ignored their opponents and quickly retreated back onto the plain, forming up again. They beat their shields again and this time, lowered them to form a phalanx. They lowered their spears to face outward.
Dan gripped his back. The pain seemed to resonate from the spot it had impacted into his fingers. It made him angrier. "You think turtling up is going to help you? You just made yourselves a bigger target! Nicky!"
"Yeah?"
"Molotov!"
"I gotcha," Phoenix said. He handed Dan a Molotov Cocktail, part of Berry Punch's special collection. The only time Dan touched anything alcoholic was to make a makeshift explosive like the poor man's hand grenade. He lit it and hurled it at the zebras. A dart flew up and broke the bottle in midair, scattering flaming booze all over the ground. The fires when then blown out quickly by zebras with bamboo sticks. This was bad: setting the field on fire was Dan's backup plan. Plan B- for Burn it all down.
"You can attack and defend at the same time, Captain Dan," Czulkang's voice rang out from somewhere among the zebras. "It's the only way to take a defensible position. You've lost today, but you've learned something."
Dan smirked. "How have I lost?"
"ZULU!!" The zebras began moving in their formation, slowly. They kept their phalanx and advanced on Dan, forcing him up the hill side. "Tell me, does it feel like you've won!"
"Push them back!" Dan yelled. He ran up and smashed against the zebras' shields. Despite his recklessness, they made no effort to try and spear him. They practically ignored him. "Push them back!!"
"Let's go! We can do this!" Phoenix rallied. He joined along with other ponies as they ran into the zebra phalanx. As a group, they pushed against the horde of zebras, digging their feet into the dirt.
"WE CAN DO THIS!!" Dan yelled, pressing harder. "THEY CAN'T GET PAST ALL OF US!!" But slowly, he began to lose the battle. The zebras pushed him, forcing him backward even as he dug his heels in. They pushed Dan and his group slowly up the hill side until finally they were being pushed down the hill. A single phalanx against Dan's combined forces.
"No! NONONONONAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!!" they pushed Dan down the hill. The human tumbled, along with his friends as the zebras took the high ground. They did not advance on him.
"RETREAT!!" Dan yelled. His forces, battered and bruised, picked themselves up and fled with their valiant commanders. The carrier turned around and departed, covering their retreat with cannon fire. But the zebras made no attempt to pursue or attack them further; the battle had already been decided.
And so, the defeat montage began. The next day, Dan's forces perched themselves atop a mighty mesa in the desert north of Appleloosa. The two of them looked over the side of the cliff at the zebras down below.
"There's no way they can beat us this time!" Dan declared. "We have the HIGHEST of the high ground!"
"Here they come, Dan," Phoenix said, concern in his voice.
"Everyone, get your rocks!" Dan yelled. "Attack!!" They through rocks at the zebras from high above. Over a mile high, they chucked everything from pebbles to boulders to Tom and Tom's Uncle Ted at them. Unfortunately, so far away, they weren't able to see if it was having much effect. Which it wasn't.
"Dan, they're starting to climb!"
The zebras used their spears to climb, piercing the rock face to create a giant series of springs to launch them up ever-higher.
"Deploy the soy! Sauce!" Dan yelled. Ponies and griffons released drums of soy sauce on the summit, letting the sauce drip down the side. They through the empty barrels at the zebras climbing towards them. But the zebras used their spears to part the soy sauce and climbed up anyway, manufacturing a lane that the sauce ran down either side. It wasn't long before Dan's summit was threatened.
"Let me at them! I wanna punch them in the face when they try to climb up!"
"Dan, we have to go!"
"You'll have to drag me off this mesa, Nicky!"
"Do you actually want me to drag you out of here?" The lawyer asked.
"Yes! It's the only way I leave- under protest!"
Twilight shook her head. "Dan, we don't have time for this!" But the human only folded his arms. "Ugh, fine. Phoenix, Chrys, get him." The lawyer and changeling queen subdued Dan as he requested and literally dragged him off the battlefield. And this was only the first time.
The next battle only a short time later, Dan tried to stop the zebras using traps- he and the others dug pitfalls and trenches using the MY-Wing's lasers. But the zebras used their spears and shields to create bridges over the pitfalls and holes. They used their spears as dousing rods to uncover traps and even a well under Dan's location. Water erupted in the human's face, forcing them to retreat again. A wet Dan had to be dragged away from the engagement.
The next time, Dan tried to funnel the zebras into a series of canyons and caves north of Appleloosa. He tried to collapse the caves and cause avalanches when the zebras got into certain spots. But the zebras dug their own tunnels and caves, bypassing Dan's obstacles. He was dragged out of a cave dressed as a miner.
They fought the zebras on frozen tundra for some reason, using Knight and her immense power to try to stop the zebras in their tracks. But the zebras used their vines to Empire Strikes Back tow cable Knight, making her fall over and explode. She and her spare parts were gathered up and also dragged, along with Dan dressed in a parka this time.
And finally, they fought the zebras in the parking lot of a Pone Depot because... what, what?
"How did we get here?"
"I have no idea," Phoenix said. (But we could get some new paint for the base while we're here.)
"Yeah, I don't really know where I was going with this one..." Dan admitted. "Alright, drag me." His friends dragged him out of the parking lot; he was wearing overalls, safety goggles and an orange apron. Standard attire for Pone Depot employees.
After so many battles, Dan exhausted his plans against the zebras. "I have exhausted my plans against the zebras," he said, repeating the narrator. "I've had kind of a rough... montage, okay? I'm not able to even right now. So cut me some slack." Fine.
On the bridge of the All of My Rage, Gust, Twilight and Wedge looked over a map of Equestria. "They're pushing us back in whatever direction we come at them from," Wedge remarked. He drew a line on the map. "They'll be coming through here next- Appleloosa Flats."
"If we try to fight them here, they'll advance through the Flats next," Twilight said, making a mark.
"And if I draw a line here, we can make a smiley face!" Gust said, drawing on the map. They both looked up at him, unamused. He grinned sheepishly.
"They're almost to Appleloosa," Twilight said. "If we can't turn them back at Easy Junction, they'll be able to reach the town with their spears."
"Dan? Do you have any other plans left?" Chrys asked. "We have to do something. At least stall them while we evacuate the town."
"I got nothing," Dan said. "It'd take me too long to come up with a plan and evacuate the town at the same time. That's... way too complicated this short notice," he said. "I'M NOT SOME LIMITLESS IDEA BAG YOU CAN USE WHENEVER YOU WANT, YOU KNOW!"
Phoenix pulled out his cell phone. "I have an idea." He actually had a slight smile on his face. (Oh boy, this is gonna be good.)
"Yes?" Dan asked. "We'd all love to hear it, Nicky."
"You're not gonna like it."
"Yeah, I don't doubt that. So, what is it?"
Phoenix grinned. Dan frowned.
Prosperity Base, Sublevel 4- Main Lab
Vice was busy sciencing while listening to music in his laboratory that evening. He enjoyed inventing things, making new weapons and gadgets, coming up with new ideas. He had the Bee Gees playing when his phone began to ring.
"The squee? Who has my number?" Vice asked, walking over to where his phone was charging. At first, he thought it was one of his friends, but then he realized he doesn't have any friends. He then realized how pathetic that was. So who the hell was calling him? He looked at the phone. A picture of the story's cover image buzzed on the display angrily. He swiped to answer. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's Dan."
For a moment, Vice's brain slowed to process that information. "It's... who?"
"It's Dan. Dan, from Earth, Dan. The human-guy-who's-going-to-rip-your-spine-out Dan. That Dan."
Vice braced himself on the counter. "Uhh... okay. Hello."
"Hi."
"Why are you calling me?"
"Okay, listen, I know you hate me, and you hate Equestria and magic and all that stuff but really, we need help. There's this big group of zebras and they're wrecking everything and-"
"You... you need my help?" Vice asked.
"Yes, we do."
He shook his head. "You called me to ask for help?"
"Yeah."
"Me- the guy who's trying to destroy your home planet and nuke every last one of you so you never rise against me. You're asking ME for help?"
"Uh huh... yeah, I don't like it either. But really, if you could help us with the zebras we'd be really... grateful."
"Mmnnggggggfffffaaahahahahahahaha! HAHAHAHA!" Vice burst out into laughter. "HAAHAAHAAHAAHAAA!! HahahahaHA!"
"..."
"AAhhahahahaha!" Vice laughed, pounding the counter with his gauntlet. "You want ME to help YOU? When I'M the one who bribed Zeal into attacking you in the first place? That's... that's hilarious!"
"It wasn't my idea anyway."
Vice continued laughing. "Oh man, this is too good! And what do you think's going to happen after we're done? You going to give me the key to the city before I nuke it? AHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Grrrrr." Dan growled.
"Oh! OH! What if you all got down and begged me to help you? What if I made you rebuild all of my Magic Gears to beat the zebras and THEN blew you all up? How funny would that be, huh? HAHAHA!"
"I can't talk to this guy!" Dan yelled. "He's a freaking idiot! We won't get any help out of him!"
"Dan," Twilight said. "We're out of options. We at least had to try."
"No, we didn't."
"Let me to try to talk to him," Phoenix said, taking the phone. "Okay, hi Vice, it's Phoenix."
"Oh, hey Phoenix, how's it going-bffffahahaha! Doesn't sound too good on your end, bird boy!"
"Yeah, I know, so, I know these are strange circumstances but, we do need your help. I understand we have our differences, but you know the zebras will come after you next. They already know about the Director. Any help you could provide would be appreciated, and it might help us to compromise in the future. That's something to consider," Phoenix said. Ever the diplomat, even talking to someone who was threatening nuclear annihilation on both worlds, Phoenix made a compelling argument to work with him, as always. Even Vice had to admit he was convincing.
The scientist brushed his muzzle, trying to compose himself. "Okay, haha, okay okay. I understand. You can put Dan back on the phone now."
"Okay..." Phoenix said, handing the phone to Dan. The human was reluctant to take it at first, but finally did so. "Yeah, hey, it's Dan again."
"BAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Vice laughed into the phone. "AHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA!"
On the other end of the line, Dan hung up the phone.
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Im starting to get the idea, because Im so slow, that the Zuul guy is a noncorporeal entity suffused among the spears and shields. This is why the army are the way they are. As long as the Zebra are there as energy and material sourcfes, and the weapons exist as Zuuls Will, then the only brute force method of dealing with him is a Total Reality Kill. End Of Story, Close Book, Shows Over Folks.
Or just eat the spears, but given the nukes before for some reason Zuuls Will can even restore that which has been dispersed.
Nice trick with the Molotov. Dont often get that. next time try a binary or trinary effect using totally innocuous, non toxic, odourless, non oily compounds. Some of the nastier ones are asymetric binary and timed trinary.
Why didnt Twilights Gravity spell work last time? They either stood up to crushing force of hundreds of g, or anchored themselves down with the spears to stop floating off? Twilight cant lift a large enough block of surface to float the Zebras out o the atmosphere before they can harpoon themselves back down even when under localised gravitational compression?
This guy is annoying. Pinkie, cant you just screen transition them to a magicless reality with a whole bunch of heavily armed rednecks? Dans old place say?
That didn't end well. Wonder why Pinkie didn't use her randomness to help?
Well, now we have two annoying as fuck villains.
Also, if they dug trenches deeper and wider than the spears and filled with lava or something equally deadly...
'a jab aimed him would strike' - at him.
Seriously...they already know physic control is being used why not have twilight build something to disrupt it.
7997222 How do you disrupt a bunch of zebras holding wooden spears and shields? I guess maybe the pegasi could whip up a storm or something. But the zebras would probably counter it- they'd use their shields to block the rain and tunnel or something to avoid a tornado.
This story is very long. How many "episodes" will this story have?
7997244 26. We've got 11 more to go including the finale which will be spectacular. I'm planning on shortening latter episodes, keeping them a little less... convoluted and referency. Also, there's a couple simpler filler episodes, every show's gotta have 'em, so it won't be as long as it seems.
The story's divided into four arcs with overall themes and individual themes. Arc 1- Community Involvement, Arc 2- Community Outreach, Arc 3, the current arc- Community Organization and finally, Arc 4- Community Leadership. Hope you enjoy it!
Hahahaha, oooo lawdy... they'll win this, they gotta!
I'm not sure how, but they'll win this fight.
Heheh
Nicely done Barro!
Sorry I'm late Dan-tastic one! Those stripey muthabuckers ... Go get 'em Dan!
Wait-What-what-WHAT?! How does Dan run out of ideas?! He has one for ever letter of the alphabet! This has to be a typo, it has to be! I demand a re-read!
I'm tired just reading this, how many times can Invader Zeal get back up? Seriously, no game has an unlimited number of continues! Unless they used cheat codes ... Zeal's cheating!
Best quote of this episode, I wuv you Dan!
Lol it was fun seeing Phoenix 'stealthily' moving about the battlefield in his Samurai-Jerk armour! But seriously Tuxley! I love tea too (both iced and classic milky) but tea time can be a reward after you win this Boss Campaign!
Dat ending though ... Wow, Dan asking for Frankenpony's help? Impressed he didn't let loose a barrage of censored language! Buck him Dan, you don't need him! Ooh ... an idea: Oh Zen Zeal! Vice Grip called yo momma a Zebstrika wannabe!
I was having a rotten time a few days ago, I had to say goodbye to one of my much-loved fur babies: Holly the Chinchilla, after nearly 10 happy years she left for the Rainbow Bridge at the age of 19. I'll miss you my fluffy little rodent
This gave me a genuine smile, like always thanks for a brilliant chapter and for making my Sunday great. Awesome as always and see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan
^_^
P.S A bit off-topic my good author, but you are mistaken: we ENGLISH take our tea whenever we fancy! There is the mandatory 'I need my first cup to function in the morning' tea time then as many as we like throughout the day! Tea time is not to be restricted like the freedom of movement act (hehe Brexit joke!)!
Have a few ideas on how the zebras can be beaten:
1. Fire. If their wooden tools get burnt up, then they won't be able to do much. Zulu probably has this weakness covered somehow, though. I would recommend a Crimson Fatalis (from Monster Hunter) to accomplish this task.
2. Use a sound-dampening effect of some sort. Their tactics rely heavily on spoken words and the sounds their equipment makes, it seems. A mass sound-dampening field of some kind might work to weaken or even negate this tactic. The question is, how? I'm not exactly sure it would be reliable, but the fog that a Chameleos (also from Monster Hunter) breathes out when it becomes enraged seems to accomplish this to some degree. (At least the background music gets quieter in this fog.)
3. Use other sound cancellation effects. I get the feeling that the Bass Cannon will become important in the future. Or at least Tavi and Scratch will.
4. Fight mind control with more mind control. This is probably one of the worst ideas I've ever come up with. With that said, how can the alien mind control the zebras when they're already mind controlled by something else? I have a distinct feeling that Starlight Glimmer could help with this.
7998509 I'm sorry about Holly. Chinchillas are a lot like Fluffle Puffs aka Fluffalapones in that they are cuddly curious and hyper balls of snuggle and fluff and love. I'm sure Holly's life was full of love if you were in it
May she find peace.
Happy as always you loved it, it really does make my day to read your comments and those of everyone else, if you guys are reading this. Sundays are one of the days I work, so it definitely gives me a boost to see your words
We also have an entire chapter dedicated to the UK, one of the first in our Dan Vs. Tributes to Other Nations and Cultures He Probably Hates. Don't worry though; he hates everyone and everything, even the things he loves. It's like hate-love. Hove. Something like that.
Vice Grip, on the other hand, is planning on destroying England (London is an epicenter for multiversal-phasic operations to guard and protect freedom because Doctor Who, Hogwarts and James Bond are real. His first target is Bristol, due to the rotation of Earth and Equestria. Tesco is also planning on conquering the world but are currently busy fighting Sainsbury's in a dimensional rift somewhere underneath Manchester. The Director is planning on using their conflict to take control of that area and rename it Manechester.
7999339 Actually, it's not the sound but the vibrations that the zebra army communicates through. They don't use auditory signals- they use visual ones. Each zebra in front of the other in the legion makes subtle movements from neck to shoulders to any number of things that communicate to the rest of them, like skin cells on a larger organism, a single body. Zeal/Czulkang Lah is also able to assume direct control of individual zebras using a type of voodoo, the zebras' magic.
7999711
Thank you for your kind words, I did love the little fluff ball dearly and am missing her badly. She was my first (and almost certainly only) Chinnie, so I had to learn about her care on the fly, I made mistakes but I want to believe she was happy right until her last night ... You're not wrong, her fur was positively velveteen as I imagine Fluffle's is, as she got older she didn't groom herself as much so a bit scruffy but still so huggably soft ... I miss my little fluff ball
Thanks so much for the nice comment too, this saga has fast become a part of my weekly life routine: Sunday morning - wake up, tend to kitties and parrot, make tea then drink tea while reading the latest escapades of Dan and Company. My one regret? That neither Fluffle nor Dan have their own Emoticons! Seriously, why don't they? Cos they really should ... Mr Mumbles and Opal too!
It's always my joy to comment cos no matter how crumby my week went your tales of Dansanity in Equestria cheers me up, so thank you Mr Barro for my weekly smile
Oh I know Dan hates everyone and everything equally, in that way he is (oddly) the most tolerant being in the series! But if Dan hates you he always has a reason! I like to imagine Dan as me: as a male if I had the strength to dish out karma to those who wronged me ... Starting with whoever thought Windows 8 and 10 were good ideas
Ooh it sounds awe~some and I can't wait! Will this be its own saga: like Mirror, Darkly and Zulu?
Thanks for another awesome chapter and see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan
^_^
8001345 Writes Windows 8 and Windows 10 creator in Dan's Requestvenge list. I'm more than happy to be part of your routine, it is very much heartwarming to know
And unfortunately no, Vice Grip's plans to attack Europe's bastion against tyranny is just a small chapter at this point for fun. He gets pissed off mostly because Bristol is the closest city he can attack. The other selections being Hoboken, New Jersey in America, Ghansi in Botswana, Africa and Fukuyama, Japan. The Mirror Darkly alternate universe will be something referenced but not seen much of until other seasons.
8001123
And sound is a type of vibration (a vibration of air/ground/water/whatever other medium), so we're on the same page, basically. And I guess this allows me to make an additional plan:
5. Hijack Zeal/Czulkang Lah's voodoo and use it to control him. This is probably even worse than my other previously worst plan ever, but it cuts directly to the heart of the problem.
8001966 Yes but blocking sound wouldn't block every vibration. Like trying to deafen them or drown them out wouldn't stop every type of communication they used. Who knows? You might give someone in the story an idea.
Blaze: Hey, look at me! I'm a background pony!
Shadow: *drags Blaze out of the scene* Oh no, little missy. My wife would kill me if I let her little sister participate in a war.
Blaze: *pouts as she is dragged away* But I'm strong...
8006720 The war is free to join for ponies of all ages, unfortunately.