Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Zulu: Funpredictable

"So? Whaddaya think? I'm a genius, right?"

"..."(Genius... sociopath... narcissist. My best friend... and budding war criminal. Sure, we'll go with genius.) "Yeah..."

Dan looked back at Phoenix and smiled. "You gotta admit, this is a pretty great idea."

"Great in a lot of ways, I'm sure, Dan."

"I know!" Dan ran up to the nearest helpless hippy. "See? We solve two problems at the same time."

"By launching the hippies at the zebras?"

"Exactly! The carriers needed ammo, we need to get rid of these hippies, so we-"

"Shoot them at the zebras out of the cannons," they both said simultaneously. "But the zebras resisted bombs. Like, actual bombs. How is setting the hippies on fire and dropping them instead going to beat the zebras?"

Dan grinned. "If it doesn't, at least we'll be rid of the hippies." He and Phoenix had been busy while Knight fought Flower Power, busy tying up the rest of the hippies and dousing them in gasoline. They were in the middle of committing their almost-crime against humanity when Twilight and Spike arrived.

"Phoenix! Dan!"

"Oh! Crap, uh... hi, Twilight!" Phoenix yelled, tossing down an empty jerry can. "This isn't what it looks like."

The purple alicorn took one look at the hippies, bound together and covered in gasoline. "Dan's going to set the hippies one fire and launch them at the zebras?"

"Wow!" Dan's head poked up from the back of the crowd. "That's exactly right!"

"That's incredible," Phoenix remarked, joining Twilight. "How did you know?"

Twilight grinned. "I thought like Dan," she answered, just a slight amount of adorkable purple smart pone pride in her voice.

"Wait... you can do that?" Spike asked. "People can actually... think like Dan?"

"For some reason, I find that thought terrifying," Phoenix said.

"Be very afraid, Nicky," Dan said, patting his friend on the back. "But yes, I am planning on- I mean, WE are planning on using the hippies as makeshift ammo against the zebras. That's very good, Twilight," he said, patting her on the head and horn. "You're getting a gold Dan star when we get back to the treehouse!"

*Obligatory group cheering* "Yayyyyy!"

"Hahaha, thank goodness Dan is so predictable," Spike said.

"Haha, yeah," Phoenix agreed. (And today's Dan Forecast includes a one-hundred percent chance of overreaction followed by revenge! Same as yesterday! And the day before! And the day before! And the-"

"Hahaha... wait," Dan stopped laughing. "What do you mean I'm predictable? HOW AM I PRE-"

"HOW AM I PREDICTABLE?!"

"STOP DOING THAT!"

"-THAT!"

"GNNNRRRRRR-"

"RRRRRRRRRRR!!" They all mimicked Dan, accurately timing themselves with each of his reactions, and even his stances. He stood there, huffing, and even they did before slowly realizing what effect they were having on him.

"It's okay, Dan," Phoenix said, patting Dan's shoulder. "I'm sorry we mocked you but... you have to admit, that was kind of fun."

"I'm sorry, Dan," Twilight said, hugging her friend.

"It's okay, it's okay," he said, hugging them ONCE before pushing them away. "I get the point. Maybe I'm not always the most... subtle guy."

They were all silent for another moment. "Are you... are you being serious?"

"But now isn't the time for subtlety. You guys might know me but the zebras-"

"Have already seen our battle tactics and successfully countered them during an engagement once," Twilight finished for him.

"Which means, we change up our tactics," Dan said. "We hit them from the air last time, but THIS time we'll be going at it from a whole different angle. Let's go get Gust and our pegasi! I want to tell everyone about the new plan!" he said, bolting off towards the carriers.

"Well, there's always next time for subtlety," Twilight said. Her two other gentlemen friends agreed and followed Dan to the griffon ships.

Behind them, they left the hippies tied in a massive gas-drenched collection, helpless in the sand.

"So... uh, what do we do now?"

"Should we try to escape? Does anyyak have something to cut through these bindings?"

"Shh-shh-shush!" one of the hippies in the back yelled. "You don't have the talking stick!"

"Oh, crap. Forgot about tha-"

"SHHH!" The pile of hippies was silent. One of the deer hippies spotted a stick, which according to hippy law could be used as a temporary talking stick. She reached for it in the sand, just slightly out of her reach.

When they reached the carriers, they were surprised to see another crowd gathered by the loading ramp. Chrys, Tuxley, now non-metal Fluffle Puff and Reggie were among them.

"Guys!" Twilight called.

"Chrys!"

"Dan!" The changeling queen flew over the crowd and glomped her boyfriend. Fluffle was quick to follow, turning it into a three-way. Three-way glomp, you pervs. "I missed youuuuu."

"I missed you, toooooo."

"It's been twenty minutes," Phoenix said.

"Really? Felt a lot longer than that," Dan said. "Like... almost two or three weeks."

Chrys nodded. "Dem chapter updates do."

Gust hovered down next to them. "Good to see you guys have... rejoined us. So, we got a situation."

"We know," Dan said, getting up with his love bug girlfriend. "Ships are broken and we don't have any ammo."

"Worse than that," Gust held up his claw. "The zebras hit our fliers with some kind of poison joke chemical weapon. Biological warfare. Our squadrons are out of action until we get them treated."

"Poison joke... a poison joke weapon?" Twilight repeated. "That's... that's so evil. How could they do something like this?"

"I think it might've been those spears," Gust said. "They definitely seemed magical somehow."

"Those... fascists!" Dan yelled. "We should hit THEM with..." his fiends' looks silenced him. He lowered his arms, realizing that not only is an exact retaliation exactly what they would expect, it was what the zebras would expect, too. "Okay, fine. No biological warfare response. How are we going to fix are pegasi and griffon...i?"

Tuxley bowed. "Well, if it wasn't too presumptuous of us, Reginald and I did decide to call in assistance to aid in the epidemic." The t-rex pressed a button and the doors to the ship's interior opened. Behind it was the only being in Equestria that really knew how to treat poison joke.

"Hello, all! Ponies, hippies, griffons, reptiles and men! It's good to see you all!" she approached them, bowing. "And Twilight... it is good to see you, once again."

ZEEEEBRAAAAA!!!" Dan yelled, charging at Zecora. Twilight lifted him off his feet, forcing him to run in midair, hands outstretched towards Zecora.

Spike shrugged. "Preeee-dictable."

"To be fair, you'd do the same if a zebra came between you and Rarity," Phoenix said.

Spike shrugged. "Touche..."

Zecora walked up to where Dan was suspended. "So this must be Dan whom you've told me much about?" she tapped her chin. "I can tell right away there wasn't much you've left out."

"Yep, this is our Dan," Twilight said, Dan still snarling above her. "Zecora, it's so good to see you!" she said, hugging her old zebra friend.

"And to you it is too, my dear Twilight. I hope that at least with you, things are all right?"

"More or less," Twilight admitted. "Dan, this is Zecora, she's another friend of mine. You can stop trying to kill her now."

"Yeah, I kinda guessed that," Dan said, as her magic hovered him back to the floor. "So, is she going to help us with the poison joke epidemic?"

Zecora nodded. "That is what I have come here to do, and your ailments I will treat. Together, we shall get on your army back on its feet."

"We would be most appreciative," Twilight said. "I'm sure Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will be glad to see you, too."

"We'll all do our best to help. We'll follow your lead, Zecora," Chrys said. She held Dan's hands in her hooves. "Won't we Dan?"

"Uh, yeah? What? You thought I'd be against helping my own troops?"

"You're not exactly the first to try a healing approach," Chrys reminded him.

"Yeah, how many times have we narrowly escaped an explosion and you just told us to walk it off?" Phoenix asked.

"Okay, okay! Please, can we just heal up our winged warriors so we can get back to fighting the zebras?"

Gust patted him on the back. "Sounds good, Broletariat uprising. Don't worry about them calling you "predictable" either. Heck, Ima pirate! They always expect me to steal stuff."

"Because you do. Because you're a pirate," Dan said back.

"Touche, Bromancing the Stone," he pulled something out of his feather-pocket. "By the way, you'll probably want your wallet back," he said with a grin.

Dan smiled back. "That's not my wallet."

Gust looked at it. "But I got it out of your pocket." He opened up the wallet and it exploded in his face. Gust's sunglasses were instantly de-rimmed and his feathers were singed by the micro-blast.

Dan grinned and slapped Gust on the back. "Decoy wallet. Had the Blasties put an explosive charge in it. How's that for predictable?"

"Not... bad... bro... Dan. Are we... going to the... medical deck now?"

"Looks like it."

"Would you carry... me?"

"Sure thing, Barbrossa," Dan said. He grabbed Gust by his back claw and dragged him as he followed the others.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Ahh, the old exploding decoy wallet. A classic.

Also available in electrical cable shock version, and for that really nasty imposition, nuclear waste option.

[Razzy]

Mmmmm, hippies flambe style.

Poor Gust.

[Rhulain]

Aww. I hope the Blasties are okay.

[Dustchu]

"Oh! Crap, uh... hi, Twilight!" Phoenix yelled, tossing down an empty jerry can. "This isn't what it looks like."

That mental image is hilarious

"Dan!" The changeling queen flew over the crowd and glomped her boyfriend. Fluffle was quick to follow, turning it into a three-way. Three-way glomp, you pervs.

Sad thing is my mind went exactly where you thought it would go XD

Gust patted him on the back. "Sounds good, Broletariat uprising."
"Because you do. Because you're a pirate," Dan said back.
"Touche, Bromancing the Stone,"
"Sure thing, Barbrossa," Dan said.

This whole exchange made me laugh These bro puns are hilarious. Though I read Barbrossa as Brobossa XD

Dan grinned and slapped Gust on the back. "Decoy wallet. Had the Blasties put an explosive charge in it. How's that for predictable?"

I do hope those two are well

Nice job man, keep it up!

[CroisSunnyPlay]

Dan grinned and slapped Gust on the back. "Decoy wallet. Had the Blasties put an explosive charge in it. How's that for predictable?"

Shadow: WANT!!!

[LadyLeomon]

It must be Sunday (9 times outta 10 I don't see the new chapter at the time of posting, darn time difference!) cos there's a new Dan-tastic chapter love the title btw! Now on with the story:

Three-way glomp, you pervs.

Barro my good Broadcaster? I would never think perverted thoughts when Fluffle is involved! Rule 34 does NOT apply to Fluffle!!! (I only recently learned what Rule 34 was thanks to a certain Fairy Pokemon Trolling series on YouTube fyi).

"Oh! Crap, uh... hi, Twilight!" Phoenix yelled, tossing down an empty jerry can. "This isn't what it looks like."

Hmm ... either Phoenix was just humouring Dan and that wasn't gasoline ... Or Dan may finally be converting Phoenix to the Dan Side *triumphant evil laughter* ... But this could come back to bite us on the sit-upon, so maybe the resident Ace Attorney shouldn't go to the Dan Side completely?

"Dem chapter updates do."

Customary 4th wall break, thank you! But my favourite will always be a tie between Dan's encounter with Grim and Dan talking to us during Sambra's trial.

Zecora!!! Finally a nice honorary Zebstrika! Please note I said 'honorary' not 'wannabe' as since this series began Zecora has been only the 2nd nice Zebra to grace my screen (the Zebra King too but I forget his name sorry!).

"Touché Bromancing the Stone."

I disliked that movie but love this reference! Lotsa bro references here, maybe if we say enough we can summon PewDiePie to kill these zebras with his awesome commentary! ... Yeah I'm a (female) Bro as well as a Pegasister and Dan-sciple, and I'm proud of it

"Decoy wallet. Had the Blasties put an explosive charge in it. How's that for predictable?"

I you so much Dan! Take that Beak-Bro, calling my fav non-lawyer human character predictable!

... Uh, question? Will we find out what happened to the Boom-Boom Sisters before the final battle of this campaign? Or will it be like with Vice and we need to beat Zen Zeal to save them? I just miss our Explodey Ponies so much anyway:

Heehee full of jokes, we added Zecora to the party and now we're gonna flame some hippies, just so awesome

Awesome as always and see you ~next time~

Your Eternal Fan ^_^

P.S I had a thought here:

They were in the middle of committing their almost-crime against humanity when Twilight and Spike arrived.

Cos it's Dan (with Phoenix assisting him) doing this, shouldn't it be an almost-crime of humanity? Just a thought. Laters!

[Tyrannosaurus_Tux]

So... we can't gas the invading zebra army?

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