Broke: Nobles, Champions and Royal Permits
Dan was in shock. The ceremony ended, along with the royal address. Had it been a strategy of Celestia, to do all these impromptu awards to raise morale? If so, it had worked tremendously well. The crowd of ponies had dispersed happily, with hope in their hearts. It could've ended with riots, with blame but instead, everypony was cheerful.
Probably wouldn't last long. Dan knew that.
His friends rushed him, ponies and guards congratulated him but everything was a blur. It was like Dan couldn't feel himself any more. His feet were walking on clouds. It wasn't in a good way, but it also wasn't in a bad way. Like a fog. But as his friends kept talking to him, it cleared.
"Dan? Dan?"
"What? Yeah... yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine..." Dan said, shaking his head. They were in the throne room, but Celestia was standing rather than at her throne. If she was sitting, it would require the guards to be at attention and everything to be much more formal. The throne room was more than just where Celestia delegated; the open space made it easier for message spells to be cast, royal letters to be sent and so forth. The royal offices, adjacent to the throne room, where mostly used for storage of important documents. Only the royal secretary and her aides really visited them. When they weren't in use, the offices were kept dark.
Again, this was because of Luna. Her office, directly connected to Celestia's, was too much of a reminder over her thousand-year banishment for her older sister to handle.
"I do apologize for the haste in which we've conducted your... promotion, Dan," Celestia said. Behind her own throne, she was using the back to affix seals onto several rolls of parchment. Her secretary took each one afterward, stacked it with others and kept them flat. The decrees, signifying Dan's advancement to nobility, would not be rolled, tied or added to anything until the Seal of Night was added to them.
The Royal Seal of Equestria was created by Celestia and Luna, taking wax stamps at the bottom of their horseshoes and overlapping them at the bottom of the parchment. Celestia, with her hooves being slightly larger than her sister's, would intentionally press the stamp lighter on one side so that her seal was no bigger than Luna's. She did this even during her sister's banishment. The secretary had her own seal, a more even symbol of the Flag of Harmony, making it easy to see who approved what.
"Look, I uh, I get it. Actually, I PREFER it this way. I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to big ceremonies. Unless the track record involves setting those ceremonies on fire. If that's the case, I'm pretty much 0 for... maybe a hundred."
"We don't need to here about how many funerals you've burned down, Dan," Phoenix said.
"Eight and a half!" Dan said with a smile on his face.
"I just sai-"
"Eight and a half, not including those held in the state of Louisiana. Honestly, best Fat Friday I've ever had."
"It's Fat Tuesday," Phoenix corrected.
"Not that week it wasn't." Dan approached the throne, giddy anticipation taking over. "So do I get to boss royal people around now?"
"Like anything's stopped you from doing that before," Spike asked.
As Celestia sealed each document, Twilight read them. As each was passed to the secretary, she read them, meaning she was darting back and forth between the two mares trying to read everything as quickly as possible.
"Nobility used to be tied directly with land ownership in Equestria, but it was changed shortly after the Appleloosa township was established and more ponies were able to buy their own land. So, they changed it to business ownership as well as land, but it can also be applied to those inducted into the royal family through an intermediary," Twilight explained, almost neurotically-quickly.
"Okay," Dan said, pretending he understood. "So who is my intermediary?"
Twilight stopped and shyly looked at him. "Well, that would be, umm... me."
"Oh..." Dan stopped. They all paused for a moment. Dan felt... strange. "Does... wait-wa, does that mean we're related now?"
"You're a noble of the Royal Family of Equestria. It means you now share in the family's estate, its royal duties and responsibilities. Officially, you're a noble of House Sparkle, and can hold the rank of viscount," Celestia said.
"But does that make me Dan Sparkle? Because I-"
"Sir Dan of House Sparkle," Phoenix chimed in. More of a guess, but in this case, he was right.
"That's correct, Phoenix," Celestia said. "Until now, you've been in the court of House Sparkle. Along with her other friends. Court is just a fancier term for entourage in this case. It's also a bit easier to say."
"Ah ha. So who all is in House Sparkle?"
Celestia stamped another document. "Princess Twilight and Spike. And as of... just now, yourself."
Chrys, who had been shyly standing back, picked that moment to step forward. "You know Dan, now that you're a... noble, well, we DO own some new land."
Dan turned back to Celestia. "Is that the reason you're doing this? Because the kingdom has more land now?"
Celestia looked up and over to him. "Well... it DID seem like a good time. But, there's more than one reason why we're picking now to do this. I'm not hiding any of these reasons... but I'm not broadcasting them either."
"So what ARE those reasons?" Chrys asked.
"You're in trouble," Dan said. Celestia stopped mid-stamp and turned to him. "The royal guards. Other ponies... there's a problem with leadership."
"Yes," Celestia said. Before anyone could guess, before there were any awkward pauses, before anyone had a chance to postulate anything else, she admitted to it all. "The guards feel they can no longer keep Equestria safe. They feel... I no longer can. They would never speak of it openly, but well... being one like me, you learn to sense these things."
The "personal days" the guards were taking. The enthusiasm to reinstitute Dan's changes to the town. The admiration everypony seemed to have for Dan. Equestria no longer agreed nor saw eye to eye with its ruler, with Princess Celestia. Dan, as much as a Superman or other Biblical reference as there could be for Equestria, was now regarded with more respect than the princesses themselves, for now at least. A man who seemed to embody nothing of harmony saving it was more than Equestrian traditionalism could tolerate. So, they did the next best thing: incorporate it.
If Celestia's leadership was in question, and if Equestrians now looked to Dan for leadership, that is what she would give them. A thousand years and they never questioned her decisions even once. Not a bad track record. But, there was still a time when stepping aside became necessary. A good leader knew when to step aside and let others lead. Princess Celestia proved she was a good leader with each and every stamped seal.
The system was not perfect. No system was. In order for the system of governance to be good, it must have good people involved in it. Good ponies. So, she would set the best example she could by stepping aside and giving her subjects what they wanted. It preserved what they had built and removed the biggest problem at the moment: Princess Celestia. Not stepping down, but stepping aside.
"You may hold the rank of viscount in court of House Sparkle, and amid the nobles. Should you acquire land and an estate of your own, you may apply for a countship. You'll have to be married, of course," Celestia explained.
"Married?" Chrys piped up. She and Dan both exchanged a quick, fervent glance, both concerned. They both were more concerned for the other than themselves, however. Slowly, their eyes turned back again, locked for a moment... and turned back to Celestia. All within a few seconds. Enough to quiet the doubts of any in the room who saw such a display of quiet lovers.
'Countess Chrys' didn't quite have the ring Queen Chrysalis did, but Chryssie decided she liked it even more. She would be a good countess, good wife. And Dan would make a fine king- count. Count. Yes, Count Dan, to lead the hive.
"If you establish a township, you could become a duke. If my understanding is correct," Phoenix said.
Celestia nodded. "That's correct. For now though, he would hold a rank equivalent to an earl or viscount until he could form his own estate."
In Equestria, nobility began with knights- those elevated usually from the guard or servants of the royal family that were deemed worthy. Those not directly attached to royal lineage could rise no higher than baron or baroness- the noble ranking directly below viscount. More of an award for them, anyway. Beyond a baron, the lord of a castle was a count, and the lord of a township or province was a duke. Usually, a marquis was the lord of a group of townships, but in Equestrian nobility, there were mostly just barons, counts, dukes and princes. And their female counterparts, of course.
"And now, to go over your role as a nobleman of Equestria."
Canterlot Castle, Throne Room
Following the sealing of the last document, Celestia went over Dan's role as a newly-appointed noble. Which to Dan sounded like,
"Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah castle blah blah blah, blah blah lordship blah blah commonwealth blah blah council blah blah petition blah blah blah blah kingdom."
To which Dan responded,
"Yeah. Uh-huh. Right. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. Cool. Sounds great. Neato. Sure."
And Dan's friends recognized the... careful attention he was giving the princess. They somewhat expected it, as did Celestia, so they made sure to get notes for him. He might not read them, but Twilight would.
"I've actually read most of these before. Back when I first became a princess!" Twilight said enthusiastically. She smiled, showing the fangs from her dark form hadn't receded yet.
"Twilight-"
"I know. I, well, still need to try Zen's potion."
"Welcome to the Royal Family of Equestria, Sir Dan," Celestia said, bowing to him. His other friends followed suit, as did the guards stationed around the room. He was the only one standing. His hand, still scratching the side of his nose, as he looked around with eyes alight, watching everyone kneel... to him.
"This is... nice," Dan said. "Is this what... wait, is this what respect feels like?"
Anyone of them could've made a wisecrack. None did. "Feels nice, doesn't it?" Spike asked.
Dan slowly nodded. "It... it does." He nearly blushed, but he also felt pride. Pride not in burning something down, or blowing something up, or defacing something sacred or watching someone he impersonated get arrested but pride in being himself and standing up for something, his kingdom. HIS kingdom. He could say that now- HIS kingdom. Dan, part-ruler of Equestria, some-odd number in line for the throne.
"If I keep getting promotions, do I get to be a prince?"
Celestia smiled. "That's a bit more complicated. But we'll see," she said, which totally left the door open. "For now, we must all deal with the financial crisis and stabilize the economy."
"Ah," Dan nodded. "So uh... we're really broke?"
Celestia nodded. "We returned to find the treasury completely empty."
"How is that possible?" Twilight asked. "I know things are resetting but... the treasury wasn't empty three years ago."
"It's much worse than that," Celestia said. "Bank vaults, the bullion and gem reserves, even safety deposit boxes... all empty. It doesn't appear to be theft-"
"Well, let's not rule that out," Dan interjected. "Stuff's gone, right? No clue where it's gone to?"
Celestia nodded. "Correct. I've had several of our scholars search the records for wealth-related spells, but so far, nothing has worked."
Dan tapped his chin. "I wanna see the treasury." He was thinking, a good sign.
"It's this way," Celestia said, without any hesitation, turning to lead them all past the throne room and deeper into the castle.
Past the throne room were the servants' quarters, meeting rooms, the ball room, dining room, Princess Luna's arcade room(not her private one, but the public one she mostly just used for DDR) and at the very back of the castle, the treasury.
"The passage to the castle vault is hidden from regular view. As are many other passages."
"The castle hides a great many secrets," Celestia's secretary said.
Dan shifted his head. "Yes. My girlfriend and a giant pony doomsday robot were at one time two of them."
As they passed by a meeting room, they saw someone sitting on a couch. They all passed by, but Dan stopped when he noticed something about this person. He noticed they were human.
"Hey."
"Hi," the person said back. A man Dan didn't recognize in a coat, pants and gloves, hat on a hat rack by the door. "Is the... is the minister ready for me yet?"
"Which minister?" Dan asked.
He looked around. "Minister Fairview. He's overseeing the-
"Oh, excuse me!" A unicorn nearly bumped into Dan from behind. "Excuse me sir! I must get through." He edged past Dan, carrying another load of documents. A green pony with a silver mane, dressed in a nobleman's suit placed the documents on the desk in the meeting room. The new human, also dressed in mostly green, approached the desk.
"Hey Dan, you coming?" Twilight, Phoenix, they all went back for him. But Dan kept watching the display.
"Umm, it's probably best not to bother them-" Twilight tried to say, but Dan stepped into the room.
"What's going on?"
"Ah! I'm sorry, but this is a bit of a private matter. Unless, that is-"
"No no, I love meeting people! I just uh, we need to get this done-"
"Again," Dan said. "What's going on here?"
"Mr. Starlift is applying for a license. A restauranteur's license along with building permits and the like."
"Starlift?" Dan repeated.
The man turned. "THE Drake Starlift, yes! Owner and operator of the fabulous, five-star Starlift Bar and Grill!"
"Uh... huh," Dan nodded.
"That's right. Best damn breakfast for two-ninety-nine in three universes!"
Dan nodded again. "Okay then... carry on."
"Absolutely!" 'Drake' said. "Be sure to come to the grand opening! Bring the family!"
Chrys pulled Dan out of the room and back down the hall. Her hooves on his shoulders, she tried to rub him and comfort him as they walked. Dan once again found himself in a bit of a stupor... but it abated quickly this time.
"Once, I thought I was the only human here. On Equestria. I guess that was never really the case."
"Yeah. To be fair, humans never really stayed long until you showed up, Dan," Twilight said.
"No, I like it better this way," Dan said. He had come a long way from the man he was when he first landed in Equestria. It hadn't always been easy, and now, he was recognized for standing up for this kingdom. For the planet. He may not have been the only human in Equestria, but he was the first one made a noble.
"I am the first human to be made a noble, right?"
"Yes," Celestia said, without hesitation.
Dan grinned. "Nice."
Suddenly, another human crossed their path up ahead. This one, far less plain-looking. He didn't regard them at all. Several other humans, a bit smaller, followed him.
"Nothing to worry about," Twilight said. "The castle has lots of visitors."
"They might be with the CMC. Or somepony else," Phoenix suggested.
But Dan was having none of it. Something felt... off.
Dan broke off from the group and followed the others.
"I don't think we'll need more than one map. It should help the survey data once we upload it."
"At least we didn't come all this way for nothing."
"Hey," Dan caught up with them. "What the hell is this?"
The human group slowly turned. These ones Dan recognized. Rebel Alliance troopers and in front, a taller man, a figure that-
"Woah."
"Is there a problem?" the armored figure asked. Standing almost seven feet tall, covered head to toe in blue and white armor was a man that resembled more of an action figure than a person. Dan could tell who and what he was right away.
"Another Jedi? What's with you space monks and thinking you can just go anywhere you want?" Dan looked around. "Is the green guy with you?"
The armored man stepped forward. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean. My friends and I are here on business."
Optional Superboss
Jedi Master Jara-Tey Vallo
AKA Jerry, Barro's tank from SWTOR
Around them, the Rebel troopers carefully drew their weapons, but didn't take aim.
Dan's friends rounded the corner and fell in line behind him.
"Who are you guys?" Phoenix asked.
"We're an archaeology team investigating some ruins. We've applied for a permit."
"Look, just because you guys are the 'good guys,'" Dan emphasized with his fingers, "doesn't mean you can just go around doing whatever you want. This is MY castle. This is MY kingdom. This is MY PLANET. You either talk to me first, or you get off."
Jerry, the armored figure, took a step forward. Dan and the others stepped back. "I'm very sorry you feel that way. We'll take our leave while our application is being processed. Good day." The Rebels and their Jedi turned around and left.
There was something of a parallel there, but even Phoenix didn't notice it. The Rebels, trying to restore the Republic, were protective of the Jedi. And the Jedi were protective of them, similar to how Dan was becoming to the ponies. That sort of unity was very, very effective and in this case, quite possibly dangerous. Of course, that was the nature of teamwork. But the fact that both Dan and the Rebels were the 'good guys' made a difference itself. An alliance born from love, understanding, a true bond would always be stronger than one born of hatred or simple necessity. Lasts longer, too.
"Is that guy a man or a tank?" Dan asked, loud enough for them to hear.
One of the soldiers, who bore an uncanny resemblance to Michael Winslow turned back and said, "Little of column A, whole lot of column B."
"Hey Dan, that's-"
"I know who it is. C'mon. Let's go see the treasury vault. And I want a FULL report on exactly how many humans are in Equestria. Census!"
"Does this include earlier today?" the secretary asked. "We had a third-grade field trip that finished up before the speech."
Yes, it turned out, humans in Equestria wasn't an uncommon occurrence. At least, not as uncommon as first thought. They just didn't tend to stay as long as Dan and Phoenix; in fact, they were the longest-standing human residents in Equestria since Meghan and Danny. Unlike Dan, they didn't feel the need to broadcast their presence. Superheroes like Spider-Man and others already had fame.
Generally, Equestria found itself with two types of visitors. Those that came from space, usually interested in tech and those that teleported, phased or transported themselves magically. The more magically-inclined were even more secretive than those that came from the stars. Most of the magicians, sorcerers, wizards and the like quickly understood what magic was at work while the astronauts typically tried to leave as quickly as possible. Dan, quite literally was somewhere in between, having falling out of the sky.
And he never forgot that.
So, adding good ole Jerry into the mix is totally for me. For the record, making Dan a noble and shacking him up with Chryssie was for you guys and I do hope you like that. Obviously not everybody will, but I do things for y'all and I appreciate you continuing to read this massive saga I'm writing. I'm thankful for every comment, like, fav, especially the comments. But even the views are important. It means you gave it a chance. That's important.
Now, Jerry was originally meant to be the Master Chief from Halo. Yes, I really want and believe Dan could beat anybody from Superman to Batman to Goku and others if he wanted to but people really like those characters. Having Dan beat them would invite a lot of problems. So, instead, I'm using characters I've created in SWTOR that nobody even knows about. I get to have some of my champs get the spotlight for a bit, we don't have to go into the lengthy debate of how Dan could presumably defeat a legendary Spartan-II in MJOLNIR MK. 6 power armor and you guys get to see Dan beat up a really tough guy.
If you're reading this, say hi to Jerry. It was not easy to recreate something akin to MJOLNIR armor in SWTOR, not to mention also make it NOT look like a ripoff. Changed the colors and picked a helmet that has a goofy radar dish attached to the top. Dan is going to have some fun fighting this guy.
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The guys like an onion, if youre tough enough to survive a fight long enough, his armor peels off in broken pieces and definitely leaves you in tears?
I wonder how many London Bridges he has bought over the years?
And the armour is made of Changelings!
...
Well, no, I don't think that, but I do wonder where are all the little bugs.
Does Dan get to design his own coat of arms now?
Well, if he's gonna fight the guy, then he's not very optional. :V
A new chapter means it’s ~Sunday~
now let me see n’ere *dons reading glasses*
Oh ... this wasn't an awesome fiction dream ... All hail Count Dan!!! (and Countess Chrys!)
Just seriously, this whole bit just gives me the warm fuzzies ... kinda like a snuggle from Flufflepuff ... I like this, I like this a lot
Now, back to the business at hand-uh hoof! I’ve no doubt at all that Count Dan will find who emptied the royal piggybank!
Now for my Favourite Quotes:
... Every time Dan makes a reference like this I wonder “what the hell happened there?” like how Dan ended up working for Umbrella but somehow managed to dodge ending up as a test subject
... Ohhh, group Fluffle-Snuggles!
Oh Rarity! Mind if I borrow this? Thanks, you’re a gem! *faints on to fainting-couch* The wholesomeness is too much!!!
You tell ‘em Dan! ‘Bout time someone made these Space Jerks behave!
Phew and that’s everything I love (most) about this week’s chapter and I’ll eagerly await the next!
Awesome as always and I’ll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan
^_^
(Seriously thank you for this one, I’m seriously giddy from reading this!)
10868544
Optional for the story, meaning you don't have to read it and it doesn't affect much of the rest of the plot. Just for fun.
10869097
Dan worked in construction and has done a lot of drywall jobs. Some were for Umbrella and Team Rocket and Hydra. Probably the Foot Clan, too at some point. And thank you as always, too, dear lady. Stay safe!
10867389
I think he does own a train on Umbara.
Now that Dan is a noble, he's probably in line for the throne. He's probably pretty far down in line, but you never know, a meteor might hit Canterlot or something.