Now
No idea where we are, but if I thought about it, it would probably piss me off
Sporks pelted the tram, pinging off it, some landing inside the carriage itself. Although none of them impaled Dan and friends, a couple landed on them and scalded.
"Gahh!" Dan yelled, a spork singeing his hair, "One of you, return fire!!"
"Okay!" Blast Fuse grabbed one of the pulse rifles and held it up to fire from cover. A spork struck it, knocking it out of her hooves and sending it clattering down the tracks behind him. She lowered her hooves and stared at them. "Well... at least an offering has been made to the Spork-god. Maybe she will accept it and cease her vengeance."
Dan growled, continuing to be pelted with spoons. "There are no gods in the tube of evil. How are we gonna stop her, catch her and then pummel her? Think, people, think!"
Phoenix's eyes gleamed with cartoony sinister sparkles. "We could create a shield from the sporks. Yes, and as Silver Spork keeps shooting spoons at us, we continue adding to it, until it reaches her! Or we create a tube... that changes the trajectory of the spoons, firing them right back at her! Heheh-haHAA!!" (*Car alarm sound, building being demolished, footage of Edgeworth, Gumshoe, Ryu, Doctor Strange, and Gozilla racing on Yoshis in the Kentucky Derby while ponies cheer in the stands*)
"I like where your heads at, Nicky."
"I am confused and a bit concerned by the inner dialogue line," Powdy said.
"Me too," Fusey added. "Also, it's Silver Spoon and she's shooting sporks at us. You got them mixed up."
"Did I?" Phoenix said, turning to the mare. "Or is that exactly what she wanted me to think? Are you working for her?" The lawyer's hair strangely began to resemble Dan's.
Powdey held Fusey tight, hiding under her sister's left wing. "I'm afraid now."
"It's okay, girls. Nicky is only beginning to tap into his Jerk-powers."
"Those don't exist."
Dan continued, "He must learn to control them, focus them."
"Stahp."
"I will teach him the ways of Jerkjutsu to balance his energy, the Dantra that flows through him."
Fusey and Powdy shivered together, holding each other tight. "I'm hoping we're not related to the title."
"THERE!" Phoenix yelled, pointing. "There you are!"
The two mares winced at first, then realized he was gesturing behind them. They turned around to see another tram catching up to them.
"Who the heck is that?" Dan asked, squinting as the figure approached. "Wait..."
"It's her again!!"
"It's Minty!" Dan exclaimed. In an identical tram racing towards them from behind, they saw former Captain Springer at the the controls, the words RIVAL APPROACHING flashing from a display. "Hey guys, look- it's-ARRAAAAH!" The tram rammed into them.
"Help! Middle management is abusing us!"
"We're too young to be de-rezzed!"
"It's okay, ladies," Dan said, standing triumphantly. "I've-"
"Got this!" Phoenix said, jumping in front of him.
"Nicky?! What're you-"
The lawyer jumped onto Springer's tram as it accelerated to bump them again. He stood on the hood of the tram, hands on his hips in heroic triumph. "I hope you don't object to my boarding!"
Springer stared up at him, confused. "I don't even know what that means."
"Well, understand this, then!" He leaped over her and landed in the cab behind her. "You are an incompetent paramilitary insurgent! And you are green in more ways than one!"
She shook her head. "I'm a what?"
Phoenix grabbed her by the head and slammed it into the controls, destroying them in an explosion of sparks. The tram shot forward, slamming into Dan's tram again.
"Nicky!" Dan yelled. He and the Blasties took the opportunity to quickly climb aboard the second tram. "Nicky, that was amazing!" The tram they were in continued pushing the other one, propping it up on its own hood. Oddly enough, this made the other tram as a perfect barricade between them and the barrage of sporks still being fired.
"Phoenix, you destroyed the controls," Fusey said.
"With Springy's face."
"Haha!" Phoenix laughed in a boastful fashion. "Exactly, my dear explosive equine friend! Now, with her head stuck in the panel, we can use her tail to control the tram and ram Silver Skeeter off the track!"
"I like that you made that reference, but I also hate that you made that reference," Powdy said. Fusey nodded in agreement.
But Dan was still beaming with pride. "Nicky, that's brilliant! Great job, Nicky, great job! Gimme a hug you ace face-breaking attorney!" Dan attempted to hug Phoenix, but missed and fell onto Powdy instead.
"Uh, boys?" Fusey said, getting their attention. She pulled on Springer's tail, tugging it left and right. "The controls aren't working."
"What?!" Dan exclaimed, getting up. "Hold on, I'm expert on these things. I'll see what's wrong." He marched over and forced the Blast Sister to scramble out of his way, grabbing the tail of his nemesis. Dan rolled up his short sleeves and wound her tail clockwise, but it made the sound of a broken pencil sharpener. Nothing happened. "Hmm... never had this problem before."
"Maybe her butt's out of order," Fusey said. "Smack her flank, see if that starts it."
"How would that work?"
Fusey shrugged. "It'd work on me. Phoenix, you're welcome to try." She rubbed her cutie mark and the Property of Dustchu label just above it, which was a picture of Dustchu winking.
Suddenly, the lawyer picked her up. Whether it was a feeling of euphoria from a moment of victory or some other rush of confidence, could not be said. But he looked deep into Blast Fuse's eyes and replied, "For you, I'd be only the most willing catalyst, my dear." He kissed her deeply. The mare turned red from mane to tail and melted in his arms. (*Romantic scenes, romantic music, Mothra being summoned*)
"I think I know what the problem is," Powdy said, poking Springer. "She's dead."
Phoenix spat out Fusey's tongue. "What?!?!"
"She ain't breathing," Powdy said. "I think you killed her there, Wright-o."
Phoenix's hair instantly went back to its usual spiked appearance. "But-but, no! I-I-I-IIIIII I couldn't, I couldn't-"
"Nicky!" Dan yelled, "How could you?"
"What?!" he stared at the smaller human. "You just said I did a great job!"
"That was before you killed someone, Nicky. That's not right."
The lawyer stammered frantically. "I-I-I, I didn't mean to! It was just an accident and..." he swallowed. "I WANT AN ATTORNEY!!"
Springer lifted her head out of the controls. "Uuuuooooh... what happened?"
"DIE, NAZI, DIE!" Dan yelled and bashed her with the gun.
"Dan! What the- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Phoenix yelled. "She was alive the whole time and you just killed her! AND YOU YELLED AT ME FOR KILLING HER BEFORE!!"
"That's completely different, Nicky!"
"HOW?!"
Dan shook his head. "Because I hold you to higher standards than that, Nicky. Honestly, what would our group look like if every one of us tried to solve all our problems with violence?"
Fusey and Powdy exchanged a glance. "I think it would look pretty much the same."
"More or less."
"I mean, seriously, you're just going to forget we make bombs out of thin air?"
"Because we do that."
Springer pulled her head out of the broken controls. Face scorched black and her mane full of clutter and machinary, she was banged up but very much alive. "Ouch... oh gawd, what happened?"
"MINTY!" Phoenix exclaimed.
"DIE, NAZ-" The lawyer stopped Dan from clubbing her again.
Phoenix grabbed the green pegasus and stroked her mane, pulling out the parts. "Oh thank goodness you're alive. Thank you, thank you so much." (Please don't sue me. Please don't sue me. Please don't sue Dan, me, the Blasties or any of our friends but please, PLEASE don't sue me.)
Springer looked back up as Phoenix petted her. "Thank you too, Samurai Jack. I love you~" she hugged him.
Dan frowned at both of them. "What a heartwarming scene. And to think, if I had some gasoline right now, I'd make it even warmer. Blasties!" He turned to them, "Give me something to immolate this from my memories! Manually!" But they were already gone. When he turned back to Phoenix and the others, he saw that the Blast Sisters had joined the group hug.
Springer suddenly shot her hoof out and pointed at Dan excitedly. "Ohmaigawsh! It's Curtis Armstrong!"
Dan facepalmed hard enough for it to echo over the sound of the sporks. "I'm going to go smash my head into the controls now."
Another tram approached from the rear. Flight Lieutenant Spinner gripped the controls in awe of what she was seeing. "Is this... should I come back another time?"
"YOU!" Dan leapt onto her tram.
She threw her hooves up. "Don't hurt me! Please, man, I just work here!"
"Get on the radio and do exactly what I say," Dan ordered. The other military pegasus complied.
Just because Weird Al can put out a grease fire with his face, it doesn't mean it'll solve problems every time.
Will Phoenix and Fusey be next for the "fun cave?"
Ahhhh, its Figit Spinner.
Those darn things are getting Everwhere.
Pity there aint a crate of them precariously perched on a loading bay by the side of the track where the vibrations of three illegally overspeeding tram units would cause it to fall onto the tracks with Roll Percentile effects.
Hahahahahaha! Oooooh Christ man, I lol'd so hard! xD
Damn good chapter man! And lol... Nicky channeled his inner Jerkjutsu... I approve.
And I'm just sitting here, not understanding references, wondering what in the hells is going on.
After an emotionally exhausting few days I return to FimFiction, at the ripe old age of 19 my family's elderly cat Flash has crossed over to Rainbow Bridge 😿 She was very elderly but still it hurts, she was a part of my life since my childhood ... but at least now I know she's in a better place. Night Flashymon 💙💙💙
A new chapter means it must be ~Sunday~ thank you in advance for this chapter Mr Author, I really needed it this week. Now let's see here:
Okay so Dan, the Blasties and Phoenix are still after Silver Spork-I mean Spoon! And*needle scratch* oh my Oprah! Phoenix is getting in touch with his inner Jerk-sona! I'm scared, hold me Ruffy Puppy!
seriously they this chapter was one big continuous laugh laced with Dan-sanity, my favourite kind of topping! Now for my favourite quotes:
I have no idea why but this had me laughing before the chapter got started
So who is right here: Dan or Fusey? The sole presence of Silver Spoon, Minty and her crew seem to support this but Dan and friends nullify this maybe? Moving on:
Ya know, if you guys hung out in my Anime Universe this would never happen cos you'd be in The Union: basically a League of Legendary Creatures and Beasts who swore to protect the Earth and its people from harm (join now to get a very stylish unbreakable and personalised lunchbox to protect your lunch during missions)! Okay, shameless advertisement over!
Phoenix is finally going over to the Dan Side ... I'm not sure if I should be thrilled or concerned like the Blasties ... But this would mean the Ace Attorney-tar (reference to earlier chapter title!) is going nuts ... oh flank me!
I wanna tap into my Jerk-Powers too! Don't ruin this for me whichever one of you said this!
I wanna sign up for Jerkjutsu Class! Just take my money right now! (And while I'm here who the buck is Dustchu?)
Trying to decide if this is a Danno (Five-O) reference ...
Okay, I'll be here all day if I keep on going (mainly because Google Chrome app types SUPER slow on here for some reason), basically everything Phoenix said: before, during and after his Dan-sanity episode! You're entitled Phoenix, and you're still my favourite (suit-wearing) human! Plus Fusey is never gonna let you forget that kiss and Powdey is gonna want one too haha
Once again great author I thank you for my weekly laugh, i really needed it this week so thank you sincerely this time. Like always thank you for the laughter when i really needed it and I'll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan ^_^
Shadow: Nazi...?
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Springer, former Enclave pegasus, what Dan sees as sky nazis.
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I'm sorry about Flash. I hope she is now in a better place.
Your anime universe sounds awesome... and snuggly. I'm guessing fluff is involved. Always happy to provide for you. Despite my desire to keep this an FIMFiction-exclusive story, and my appreciation for this wonderful website, I am currently working to simultaneously update on DeviantArt or somewhere as a backup, just in case FIMFiction is down or something. Gonna probably come up with a couple backup sites just in case. But I'm not ready to do that yet and even then, FIMFiction is still the primary upload place. Just good to have Plan B, C and D.
We're here for you every week. Wish we could be here more often, but we're making sure that at the very least, you have some form of stability in your life. No matter what happens with the world, Dan is here on Saturdays. And this is STILL just season 1. We have only just begun.
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Well, I hope I can clear that up. The references weren't very big, and as I've told you before, I prefer to add them rather than not. So if it's fun and I can put it in there, in it goes. First off:
Phoenix's inner dialogue thoughts were replaced with random stuff because he had momentarily snapped. The first one has a small reference to Marvel Vs. Capcom again, with a twist that they're in the Kentucky Derby riding Yoshis while ponies cheer the jockeys. This image represents a reversed reality and is a clue that Phoenix's brain is malfunctioning.
Mothra is one of Godzilla's old foes who is sometimes an ally, usually summoned by a couple of singing girls from an island near Japan. It's a giant moth and the scene represents innocence and serenity.
Silver Skeeter(or The Silver Skeeter) is from the cartoon Doug. Blast Fuse saying that she both likes and hates that reference is itself a reference to Nickelodeon's Doug and Disney's Doug respectively. I could have used the Silver Surfer but decided Silver Skeeter was more appropriate.
Curtis Armstrong is Dan's voice actor and honestly, you should have gotten that reference by now considering it's been used since literally the first episode. That one's on you, pal, sorry.
The phrase "de-rezzed" is a reference to TRON and the scene is supposed to have kind-of a TRON vibe with them in a high-tech setting, being chased but on trams instead of light cycles. Blast Fuse and Blast Powder make nerdy references because they are cute and nerds.
And Samurai Jack is Samurai Jack. Springer got concussed and started hallucinating for a moment.
I hope this helps, my friend.
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Yes. I'm not even going to be coy or subtle about this, just yes. If that's what you'd like to see, it will happen. If not, it won't happen. This is about you getting what you want.
And Weird Al... that's Albequrque isn't it? Ah, I love that. Needed to put more Albequrque references in the pilot but, we got the core one. Especially because it's coming back.
So would you like Phoenix and the Blasties visiting the Fun Cavetm together or one at a time? Or one at a time and then together? And would you be okay with editing the pilot to add more Albequerque references or no? Let me know if you can. That goes for everyone reading this, too.
I see that Phoenix's sanity is finally losing the uneven battle.
Do the interlocked trams count as making out?
EVERYONE to the fun cave!
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Sexcellent thankulatories
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What did you like about the chapter? What's some good things you liked?
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Yes, that was Albuquerque.
Editing? Not really one who does much of that. Sorry, have to say no.
The fun cave thing:
...
...
Yes. That's the only answer you need.
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The humor. Especially centered around Springer's butt.
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The scene where Phoenix slams her head into the controls was actually one of three different scenes I wrote for that one joke. The other two had Dan doing it, the second of which had Spinner along with Springer in the tram and he treats her "nicer" because she "just works here." Nicer meaning he bashes her head on the side of the tram and throws her off of it. Decided to have Phoenix do it because it's funnier to see him act like Dan.