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The previous joke has nothing at all to do with the story. Neither does the following scene.
Vice Grip's boots were heavy, but he had to keep running. He was exhausted, the sun beating down on his head as the desert stretched on endlessly in every direction. Still, he ran, gasping for breath.
He looked over his shoulder. It was still behind him.
"Oh my god... OH MY GOD NO!!" A tidal wave of pink fluff rolled across the desert, towering so far overhead as to cast an enormous shadow. The wave of fluff eclipsed the sun over head.
Vice ran as fast as his legs could carry him. The shadow on the ground caught up to him. He turned around. "No... no... NOOOOOOOOO!!!" The wave of pink fluff crashed down on him with a mighty 'thpppth.' "AAAAAHHHH!!" The scientist was carried away by the soft fluffiness, an ongoing sea of snuggles that continued rolling on.
And now, Part 4 of NOPE
The guns, turrets, cannons, gun barrels, everything that was a weapon or could have been used as a weapon glowed with a red light on it somewhere and aimed directly at Dan and his friends. Even the Soviet nuclear subs deployed their own weapons and opened their torpedo bay doors, despite the fact that their torpedoes were not designed to function outside of water. Phoenix suspected it was just for show and probably wouldn't matter; the rest of the arsenal was more than enough to vaporize them. And he was right.
"Okay," Dan began, "one of you is going to teleport us out of here."
"I never learned teleportation magic," Powdy's high voice, not quite as high as her sister's, chimed in.
"Chris... and Cap..." Marksaline said. Her mouth didn't always move in time with her words. Nor do her voice give sound to said words every time she spoke, especially now. Yet her thoughts were known to those around her if she did not wish them concealed, the echoes of a whisper resonating inside the mind. It was as if she communicated beyond space and time. Her horn glowed with a twisting, spiraling aura of red light.
"Dan!" Phoenix exclaimed, "What about a shield ball?"
"Shield ball? Oh, like back at the fort against the hippies! Yes, Nicky!"
"Powdy, can you make a shield ball?"
She shook her head, frightened. "N-nothing I could put up could take all of this..."
CORE DETONATION:
2:35.47
"Oh, perfect," Phoenix remarked at the red letters above them. "Just in case we survive the current Cold War surplus onslaught, the whole place is going to explode."
"What are you talking about?" Dan asked. "That's great! At least that's one problem out of the way. Now, we just need to deal with the whole survival issue and then this place will blow itself up. We don't have to find the reactor core now."
"Oh, I am the reactor core," VOLCANUS' voice said. "Don't worry; that warning just plays whenever I disconnect from the central chamber. It's no biggie."
"Phew."
"Oh, thank the big C and L."
"Well, that's one problem solved."
"Hngggrrrrr..."
"EUULLGH!"
They all breathed a collective sigh of relief, except for Dan who proceeded to strangle Silver Spoon, prompting Phoenix to separate the two. We all have our ways of dealing with problems.
"So why haven't you killed us yet?" Fusey asked point-blank, as the guns were about to fire on them at point-blank.
"Yeah, 'bout that, see, my programming doesn't want to fire on Madame Silver Spoon, Mr. Lightning Claw and Miss Diamond Tiara, seeing as how they're FIST VIPs and all. Them targeting systems are a pain, amirite?"
"To be honest, Knight did have the same problem with Vice Grip," Phoenix remarked. They all huddled around Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara, even Dan.
"Nicky, let go of my hands."
"I can't. You'll strangle Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Springer, Lightning or... all of them, somehow if I do." (Not that it matters. We still have to find a way out of here!)
"Now Nicky, how would I even do that?"
"You'd find a way."
Dan nodded sternly. "Indeed I would. Now leggo."
"No."
The turrets, guns, and missile/torpedo tubes tracked them, turning left and right as they tried to line up a shot that would kill Dan and his friends while sparing the captive fillies Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. The gun barrels let out a collective, mechanical sigh.
"Alright, Ima just shoot near the edges of your little cuddle pile there and the splash damage will do the rest. Hey bosses?"
"HELP US!!"
"Workin' on it. So yeah, ya might get a little singed on the edges."
"DON'T SHOOT!" Diamond Tiara yelled.
"Yeah, that was just a heads up. Already committed on this. Okay, here it comes. You might feel a little heat."
"Oh boy."
"There has to be something else," Phoenix said, looking around frantically. He searched frantically, his mind searched frantically, hoping desperately to find the answer among his thoughts or the room around them. (What haven't we thought of? What is there left?! WHAT CAN WE DO?!)
*Clang! Plam!*The cannon fired before anyone could answer him... but it didn't fire in their direction. Because something hit the side of the twin barrels of the Apocalypse tank before it went off, causing the shell to fire off away from the lines of tanks, hitting a Kirov instead.
"What?!"
"What the...? Okay, not cool!"
They all saw at the same time: the flash of red white and blew, the spinning disk, and the man who caught said disk in midair, landed on the ground in front of them, and turned to say, "You realize this isn't the best time for a group hug, right?"
Dan pushed everyone away from him, causing them to fall down. "Stevie!" he exclaimed.
"And, it's Dan," Captain America, aka Captain Steve Rogers said. He looked over Dan's shoulder and gave a nod to the other human behind him. "Hey, Nick."
"Stevie!" Dan said, coming closer. Cap extended a hand and the shorter human grabbed it with both of his, shaking it ecstatically. "Good to see you, buddy! What brings you here?"
"A lot," Cap replied, "and I'll have to explain later. You ready up there, Chris?"
"Almost... got it," Chris Redfield, an American anti-bioterrorism soldier, lined up a shot with his rifle and fired. The bullet ricocheted off the wing of a Twinblade gunship and hit one of the sprinklers on the ceiling. Because most of FIST's construction followed video game rules, the fire suppression system triggered upon being struck. The sprinklers activated, causing an almost instant torrential rain-like downpour onto the occupants of the huge room.
"If only it was ever that easy with Umbrella." Chris repelled down from the submarine storage racks to land, iconically and symbolically next to Captain America.
"Chris!" Phoenix exclaimed. He got up from the pony pile with the Blast Sisters still clinging to him.
"Redfield," Dan snarled at the brown-haired human.
"Hey... Dan," Chris greeted. "Nice to see you... again."
"Wait wait wait wait," Phoenix stopped them.
"Yes, Nicky?"
Phoenix gestured to the two new humans. "So you know Captain America AND Chris Redfield? Do I have to ask how?"
Dan shrugged. "There's not much to tell. I did some contract work for S.H.I.E.L.D and Umbrella back in the day. Me and Chris-different Chris, buddy of mine, worked on the Helicarrier and did the drywall at Spencer's Mansion. Also did the glass in the Aqua Ring in their lab. Nice place," he turned to the ABT agent, "Before Redfield blew it up."
Cap held up a hand as other mouths were opening. "As nice as this reunion is, can we please get somewhere safe?"
"Not quite!" Dan declared, raising his cane, "We still have a bug to find! Stevie, come with me and Nicky- we're going Gear huntin.' Redfield, watch the ponies."
Chris shrugged. "Why me?"
"Because you're the one with the gun. And by the way, YOU STILL OWE ME!" Dan yelled.
Chris turned back to the ponies. "I kind of have an idea what he's talking about. So, who are the ones I need to watch?" he asked with his rifle.
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, all of them except for Diamond and Silver scooted to the other side and pointed at the two fillies. "Great, thanks. Why is the purple one flying?"
"I'm... kind of permanently electrified, don't really want to touch the floor," Lightning Claw said. "We should also probably try to get out of here... before the room fills up with water."
"Right, I'll get the door," Chris said.
The room was indeed filling with water, though being so large, that process was taking a while. Still, the new problem was finding the rogue robot before the whole complex was flooded. High above them, the broken tube was beginning to pour water into the room as well. The fire suppression system had triggered throughout the facility.
"We're going to be swimming if we don't find this thing soon enough," Cap said.
Dan looked over at Phoenix. "Nicky... why are you using your umbrella in here?"
The lawyer had his makeshift weapon open. He smiled bashfully. "I didn't want to get my hair wet."
Dan frowned. "Really?"
"It takes a lot of gel to get it like this, Dan." (And a careful, precise amount of brushes.) The Blast Sisters were no longer clinging to him, but they were swimming in adorable pony circles around him. Fusey used her wing and Powdy used her horn and the two pretended to be sharks. "Girls, can you please do this some other time?"
"We have dibs on you and Cap," Fusey replied.
"Okay, this is taking too long!" Dan announced. The water was above their waists now. Dan, being shorter, was getting drenched faster. He hopped up on one of the tanks. "Bash everything! If she's shapeshifted into something else, we'll find her by breaking everything else in the process if we have to!"
"Dan, that's going to take far too long. This room will be a fish tank by then."
"Actually, he might be on to something," Cap said. "If it's using stealth technology, it might react to damage." Without a moment's hesitation, he threw his shield. It rebounded off one tank, then another. The disk bounced off the side of a Sickle and launched upward. Cap jumped up, caught it, landed and sent it flying down a row of armored vehicles.
Dan had a more direct approach. He leaped from one machine to the other, pummeling the armor with the head of his cane before leaping off to the next.
Phoenix kept an eye out for any reactions. "I'm not seeing anything down here, but the red lights have gone off. I'm guessing she's stopped controlling them remotely."
"Keep your eyes peeled just in case," Cap said.
"You know me, Cap," he said back. And of course, given the situation, Phoenix couldn't help but indulge just a little himself, humming Singing in the Rain as he walked through the soaking aisles of weapons.
The rapid clangs of metal against metal rang out constantly, but Magic Gear VOLCANUS was nowhere to be found. Phoenix looked down at the water. If it knew they were after it, it probably wouldn't stay in the same place. And that meant it could have been-
Phoenix jumped out of the way just as the clamp came down.
"Ah, a smart one, are you?"
"DAN! CAP! She's behind us!!"
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I'm really sorry buddy but voting closed before I saw your message. I literally just published the next chapter- Option A is the winner. But thank you for taking the time to read it, and there's a little surprise in the next chapter too you might like.
Thanks again, friend!
Of course Dan would not like Redfield, I'm honestly not even surprised but I love it This is fucking great.
Hydra, SHIELD and Umbrella? Sounds like a trifecta of trouble my good friend.
Keep it up!
And lett the awesomness continu :3
A new chapter means it's ~Sunday~
Today is an especially muggy day (that's hot to anyone outside England) so I'm enjoying this week's chapter while indulging in a refreshing cuppa ... I can enjoy tea even in the heat! I'm English and that's one reason why I'm awesome! (Sorry just wanted to brag about my pedigree!) now lemme see here [dons reading glasses]:
Squeedible.squee? Squeeing awesome! I have no idea what being a member would entail or about the monthly fees that are surely mentioned in the fine print but sign me up! Aww ... it's not canon Question; if that advertisement isn't canon, and the Fluff-phoon wasn't either, then does that mean Vice Grip is still wandering aimlessly being deep fried in the desert? If so then I approve, I approve very much now back to the story;
By Luna's Moon-Branded Booty! It's CAPTAIN AMERICA!!! And Chris Redfield! Sorry for the lack of caps there Mr Redfield, (hehe unintentional pun!) but I lost a lotta my fangirlishness where you're concerned for the whole 'boulder punching' fiasco
Also I gotta give VOLCANUS props here, you don't always need a direct hit to knock out your target, though it does make the job go quicker! Is it too late to point out Dan could have just moved the non-target Fillies to the outside of the cuddle circle-[sees Dan glaring] ... I'll just shut up now ... please don't kill me! There are still so many Pokémon I haven't collected yet! And I still haven't caught that Shiny Charmeleon I need for a trade! Please spare me!!!
Wait, so ... Dan worked for Umbrella and S.H.I.E.L.D? Looking back now all the elaborate, often deadly traps at Umbrella make a LOT more sense now! ... So how did S.H.I.E.L.D end up so crappy? Must be because after Dan left the human rights crowd got involved ... I hate them so much
Aaannnd now they're gonna drown ... VOLCANUS is hiding in stealth mode ... The only way this could get any worse is if a mini summoning portal dropped a NEPTUNE-B.O.W in here just to make the level harder (still beats dealing with Wesker)!
Now for my favourite quotes of the week:
Okay, so they're just taking VOLCANUS at her word here? Then again she is the Boss of this Level so she probably thinks telling them won't change anything. I'm having fun trying to figure out who said what here: I'll guess the Blasties each had a line first (btw who exactly is the big C and L? I must know so I can offer thanks and if this is an obvious reference sorry =_=') then Phoenix, and I'm guessing next-to-last was Dan then whoever he was strangling?
Again, I give props to VOLCANUS for pointing out a major pain-in-the-flank in video games, especially when trying to target enemies is harder by comparison!
I wanna hold Dan's hand next! Then Phoenix! Then Cap! The Blasties' hooves! ... and if there's time left Mr Redfield ... but most likely there won't be ... friggin' boulder puncher!
Am I the only one who had a flash of that old Bugs Bunny cartoon hearing Dan say this?
Mr Redfield, whenever Dan says to do something, especially in a battle, you better darn well do it! I remember the damage you did to Dan's hard-built traps buddy
No idea why but I was in stitches here! Maybe because (an) Umbrella saved the day (Phoenix's signature do) for a change!
And of course neither of the two newest additions to the Jerk-clave have heat sensing technology ... can someone call Batman and ask if we can borrow his batbelt for a while? Batman has something for any situation, why can't the rest of the Marvel v Capcom v DC universe learn from the original one-man-army?! Yes I know Cap is older but he doesn't have batbelt, does he? Lastly,as and I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner, Cap would be awesome at Ultimate Frisbee when the Dan-Team get down time between campaigns
As adorable as these two are ... my mind just went to a weird place!
Aaannnd we end with the signature "boss pouncing for the killing blow and only pressing the correct button will save you" QuickTime event!
Phew, this one was jam-packed with action from the get-go, like a Subway Special! The main characters are the various selection of cold meats (with the Pony Characters are the vegetarian options), Cap is the barbecue sauce used to make the whole thing better, Mr Redfield is the mustard that was mistakenly put on a small part of the dish, and VOLCANUS is the stray albeit BIG jalapeño that ruins the whole thing ... but only if you bite without looking first! Don't bite the big one Dan and Friends! DON'T BITE IT!!!
Now to wait until next weekend for the next stage of this boss battle, if VOLCANUS is as annoying as as a certain villain from the RE Franchise then she may be around for a while longer ... However that part is already filled by Vice Grip ... let's swat that bug!
Thank you like always for making my weekend Mr Author, oh and thank you for the kind words on my last comment, if I can pass on a smile then yay!
Awesome as always and I'll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan ^_^
Still hoping for Volcanus to join team jerk. >.>
*hums the old Captain America theme*
Is it the human Chris Redfield, or the RE5 biceps bigger than head one?
I wonder if they'll ever meet Big Boss.
Powdeysharks!
8390964
So many questions! I actually did consider tossing a Neptune in there... though I think we're going to save the aquatic stuff for next episode. Anyway, C and L are Celestia and Luna. Thanks as always, hope it cools down soon where you are.
Oh geez, I didn't even consider the fact that Lightning would electrocute everyone if he touched a conductive material while charged.
Don't let him touch the water!
Going to have to stop putting this story down, every time I get up to go do something i come back and have like an hour worth of catching up to do...
Awesome stuff guys, keep up the stupendous!
~Dollars.
So, who else is invited to this thing...?
8393351
Just about everybody. We got room.
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Interesting...... ~Dollars.
wheee, flying weaponry. And do0wn at the Heritage Legue cup this past weekend at Ludlow castle, there was other flying weaponry around, incluiding one axe head and a member of the public who wasnt injured enough to sue. Ladies day this week as well, First year of 3V3 brutal combat. the men having 5V5 brutal combat. Think getting hit with 5 pound steel weapons and body slammed in a hundred pound of armour combat. Each match is best of 3 rounds, last year they introduced the rule, round stopped when it reaches 3 on 1.
Give th computer more to analyze, hitting the stuff in ordre is a nice linear prediction, hit things at random and it either has to keep throwing more power at analysing the patterns that are not there, or switch to higher thought methods which make it easier to beat by cheating.