Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Wrath: Revenge Will Be Served

It was complicated, but Twilight was able to summon Chris Redfield, Captain America, Jake, Dollars and even Doctor Whooves from the Crystal Heart. Apparently, extracting them without summoning the Crystal Palace or anything else was a matter of the time in which they had been transported into the Heart itself. Or something like that; Twilight did not have time to conduct research.

Cap and Chris were a bit surprised to be on the deck of a starship. More surprised as they exited a big hole in the side of the Danfiant into the belly of the Chimaera's hangar, a much larger starship. But finding Dan fighting and rolling around trying to strangle someone, not surprising at all.

"Can you honestly go five minutes without trying to kill someone?"

"Technically, I think it's Barro that's trying to kill Dan," Twilight said.

"And we're just going to stand around and watch?" Chris asked.

Phoenix shrugged. "Usually works out better this way. Usually." (Also, I usually don't get punched. Usually.)

Dan and Barro literally rolled around on the deck, with the pony trying to get a good grip around Dan's neck. The two exchanged blows but Dan actually wasn't putting up much of a fight; he was kinda happy Barro was taking his rage out on something. Even if it was him.

"YOU BUCKING TRAITOR!!" Barro roared. He grabbed Dan by the shoulders and slammed him into the deck. Dan flinched, grabbed the white pony's limbs but he wasn't really trying to fight back.

"How am I the traitor? Huh? I was never part of your little vendetta! YOU were trying to shoot ME, remember?"

"WELL NOW I'M TRYING TO BREAK YOUR NECK! IS THIS BETTER, DAN?!?!"

"N-nAAAAAAA-ot particularly."

Twilight finally intervened, pulling Barro off of Dan. Dan was thankful for this.

"You really are alike," Twilight said. "You might be the closest thing to Dan in Equestria."

Both Dan and Barro turned to her. "The hell is that supposed to mean?" they asked simultaneously.

Shaking her head, she walked over to Barro. "Barro, the difference between you and Dan is that when you came to Equestria, you saw it as a second chance for revenge. To continue the path that got you here. With Dan, he came here and he took it as a real opportunity to change. A real second chance."

"What? I had jetlag. I nearly died, fell out of a plan, was caught by Rainbow and passed out in your living room. I didn't think about it until like a year a-" Dan would've kept talking, but Rarity and Phoenix covered his mouth and shut him up while watching Twilight.

Barro still sat, grump, with his forelegs folded. "This isn't about revenge. This is about stopping the Empire. They're a machine, Twilight. A machine that kills innocent lives. They have no respect for their own soldiers. They're all faceless, just numbers to them, only meant to serve the cause of victory."

"Faceless?" Twilight asked. She'd heard that term before. "What do you mean by 'faceless,' Barro?"

He turned to her. "They're faceless. They have no identity- it was robbed from them."

The Faceless One...

She let him continue. And continue he did. "All of these stormtroopers? They were a person before they were a serial number. They were a lot of things, a lot of possibilities but now all that potential is gone. They're all just stormtroopers wearing the face of the Empire."

"I'm many things."

There were still pieces of the puzzle Twilight didn't understand. Though the Director had been killed, Equestria was back now... so did that mean she was, too? Who had the entity calling itself CLEO really been? Was all this really a ruse and she was just another one among them, a faceless part of the background?

No... she wore a new face, that of Cleo because her old one was taken. Stolen from her. But by whom? Maybe someone who didn't even know it.

She still wants both.

Barro shook his head. "All they do is destroy."

"What do-"

"TIE Fighters can only see forward, Twilight. They can only see one direction- the direction they're launched in. Sure, they have sensors," Barro said, gesturing at the TIEs hanging on the ceiling. "But the pilots can't see anywhere but where the Empire wants them to see. Pilot error kills them more than I do."

"Statistically, he's right," one of the stormtroopers said. It drew some curious stares from others around him. "I'm just saying... he's right. Statistically."

"See? If I don't kill them, they will kill themselves. Unintentionally or otherwise. My lasers just make it quick," Barro said.

"SO KILL VICE GRIP!" Dan shouted. "Come on, man! I'm not asking you to give up revenge on these plastic space nazis forever! Just put to the side for like... an hour! And help me kill an evil scientist. Please?"

Barro sighed heavily. "FINE. I'll work with the damn... Imperials. For now."

Dan clapped his hands loudly. "Great! Get in your supership and fly out with all the TIE guys, please. And be ready for when we need you. Okay?"

"If it'll shut you up."

"Hahhaha, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that- under normal circumstances, I'd put you on the List for that," Dan said. "But I'm in a good mood. You just get out of here, you crazy angry broadbastard."

"BroadCASTER," Barro corected.

"I know what I said. Anyway," Dan turned around back to his other friends. "Stevie! Redfield... and of course-"

"Absolutely fascinating! I've always wanted to see the inside of one of these- Star Destroyers, was it? Yes, look at how absolutely massive this thing is! Much bigger on the inside, I totally get that," Doctor Whooves said. The Doctor, bowtie and all, immediately began his excessively-energetic examination of his surroundings. Starting with the floor and stormtroopers.

"It's always amazed me that the 'bad guys' seem to be more hygienic than the good groups. That does tend to be the case, doesn't it?" he said, darting between the stormtroopers to study their armor. "Everything is so sterile and... clean! Why are the bad guys clean and the good guys are dirty?"

"Well, we- I mean, showers are mandatory and they drill us pretty hard-" the stormtrooper tried explaining, but the Doctor was already on his next subject.

The Doctor held a hoof to his chin. "Come to think of it, I've never seen a dirty Dalek before. Well, not many, anyway- not on the outside."

Dan thumbed at the Doctor. "Twilight, would you?"

She smiled and levitated him up, which was rapidly becoming her new way of telling people politely to shut up and focus. Politely.

"Doctor, we need-"

POLITELY.

"...Doctor, we need to focus on the task at hand, please."

"Ah! Right," the Doctor nodded as Twilight let him down again. "Dan! My good friend-"

Dan shook his head. "No." Doctor Whooves wrapped a foreleg around his shoulders anyway.

"I believe I know what Mr. Rice Grain's plan is."

"Great. You can tell us that as we're stopping it."

"I- what?"

"All hands, battle stations! This is not a drill- combat teams report to ready stations! All units, prepare to deploy."

The ship sprung into action. More stormtroopers flooded the hangar bay, almost filling the entire thing to standing-room only with all the other things occupying space in it. One of the reasons the Empire did things big and many was because it was the best way to show you owned something as big as space- you occupied lots of it. The stormtroopers filed into rows, a full formation that stood at attention.

Dan ran quickly over to Jake and Dollars. The two ODSTs had swapped weapons with a pair of other stormtroopers and were looking at each others' guns.

"Space marine! I need you guys."

They spun and nearly salute Dan. "What is it, sir? Whatever it is you need, we're ready!" Dollars declared. Jake, naturally, was silent.

Dan gestured behind him at the legion of troopers. "I need you both to teach the stormtroopers how to helljump. How to... orbitally drop and then shock and troop. All that. Right now."

The two marines looked at the troopers. Even without their polarized helmets, it was clear they were uncertain.

"Alright, but it's going to take about two weeks."

"You got two minutes."

"Alright, listen up!! Keep your eyes and head centered, focus on the ground and when you hit it, hug it like your life depends on it!" Dollars immediately began instructing the soldiers. "Squad leaders, step forward! You're going to coordinate everyone and everything around you- follow my lead!"

Finally, Dan took Phoenix, Captain America, Chris Redfield, Rarity and Twilight and got suited up themselves. They didn't look that great for stormtroopers, but it would get the job done. They were ready to assault and retake the library, the entire moon... and their friends.

Until Barro mentioned something.

"Hey guys, just thought I should mention something."

"The hell are you doing, Bozo?"

"Barro."

"BOZO. I told you to launch with the TIE guys and teach them how to fly and do the space good!" Dan yelled. "We got like a minute, news clown!"

Barro nodded. "Yeah, about that, you're about to all die."

Dan stopped. Slowly, he turned around to the pony and said, "Explain."

"The stormtrooper armor is not rated for vacuum. Aside from the two ODSTs, you're about to commit suicide via airlock. Including the stormtroopers."

Dan inhaled. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- I don't have time to yell. Everyone, pretend I yelled again."

"Can we do that every time?" Chris asked.

"No."

Twilight stepped forward. "Rarity and I can stay on the ship. We can project magic around you and the troopers. Allow you to breath, at least but it will be difficult projecting that many bubble spells for a very long time."

"Meaning we'll have to make it quick," Cap said.

Dan nodded. "Alright, here's the plan. The Golden Oakes' security system is fully active. It's designed to handle basically every threat I could imagine. And I imagined a lot. But I didn't imagine it moving because tree, so that's the angle we're gonna work. We're gonna use the fact it's on the moon."

"Is this what the escape pods were for?" Phoenix asked.

"Partly, yes. But we need to stick together, work together, and move quickly. I don't know what else they're going to throw at us. Which is what the Imperials are for."

"Well... we're here with you. Let's go get our friends back," Chris said.

"In range in ten seconds."

They assembled at the front of the hangar. The moon was directly below them. The Danfiant was still in front of them and now, they were even standing on it. Barro's fighter and the TIEs were on the ceiling, waiting to launch just after Dan and the troopers were clear. This was it.

"Five seconds."

"Dan?" Phoenix asked. "You still haven't told us exactly how we're going to be uh-"

Dan raised his gun and shot the magcon field generator. The shield deactivated and they were all immediately exposed to space.

In an instant, they were all blasted out of the hangar along with the Danfiant. Hurtling towards the moon's surface, the library immediately opened fire on them. There was no going back now. Rarity and Twilight's bubbles encircled each member of the assault team. The final attack had begun.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

At the moment, the only thing I can think of for an effect the Tree being moved when uneexpected, is that Dan filled the targeting systems with explicit constants for the targeting corrections for strength of gravity, radius of planet, dispersion function for atmosphere etc. Which are the wrong values for targeting from the moon surface?

I learnt that many years ago when adding tax calculations to a spreadsheet. At the time, tax had been fixed for a couple decades. I loaded it in as a seperate cell value. Six months later, the tax rate got altered. I didnt have to recode my entire spreadsheet, just change that cell.

Even the value of Pi can differ between systems due to accuracy possible.

Even True and False can have differeing values.

As for the escape pods, given theyre supposed to be effectively undetectable. The defnses are expecting impacts or flashes from destruction of objects, which are supposed to be the objects its firing at?

[Razzy]

Nah, the Empire's cool.

[LadyLeomon]

A new chapter to end a pretty okay weekend ... I’m happy! So with that in mind:

A new chapter means it’s ~Sunday~ now let me see n’ere *dons reading glasses*

The Ponysona (or is it Ponsona?) of our Good Author is trying to throttle Dan ... some talk of the real Big Bas that screwed with Cleo and everyone else ... TIE Fighters (again) this crap is getting serious!

Now for my Favourite Quotes:

Dan clapped his hands loudly. "Great! Get in your supership and fly out with all the TIE guys, please. And be ready for when we need you. Okay?"

"If it'll shut you up."

"Hahhaha, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that- under normal circumstances, I'd put you on the List for that," Dan said. "But I'm in a good mood. You just get out of here, you crazy angry broadbastard."

"BroadCASTER," Barro corected.

... You know what? When Dan stood up to the the Knighty (the first time waaay back in the Canterlot Saga) I wasn’t worried, nor was I afraid when he had that first grapple with Vice Grip and I wasn’t even scared when he faced the Unstoppable Zen Zeal ... but I am scared right now! Dan that’s the muthabucking Author! Fake like you have impeccable manners just once!

"Hey guys, just thought I should mention something."

"The hell are you doing, Bozo?"

"Barro."

"BOZO. I told you to launch with the TIE guys and teach them how to fly and do the space good!" Dan yelled. "We got like a minute, news clown!"

Barro nodded. "Yeah, about that, you're about to all die."

Dan stopped. Slowly, he turned around to the pony and said, "Explain."

"The stormtrooper armor is not rated for vacuum. Aside from the two ODSTs, you're about to commit suicide via airlock. Including the stormtroopers."

Dan inhaled. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- I don't have time to yell. Everyone, pretend I yelled again."

"Can we do that every time?" Chris asked.

"No."

... Uhhh is it bad that I find this funny? (PPlease forgive me Barro! Also dammit Redfield one does not simple pretend that Dan yelled! This isn’t like that Peter Pan crap-o-rama, if he didn’t yell then just pretending he did doesn’t count! (Seriously can we rotate Redfield out for Leon S. Kennedy for a chapter or two? ... Then again we do that and we’d probably get that pain-in-the-flank eternal escort mission rather than Ada Wong!)

Phew and that’s everything I love (most) about this chapter and I’ll eagerly await the next.

Awesome as always Dearest Barro, stay safe and I’ll see you ~next time~

Your Eternal Fan ^_^