Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Episode 7: Dan Vs. The Flim Flam Bros.

And now, we join the Decepticons at Burger King.

In either a parallel or alternate universe, or both, Megatron was dining with Starscream and Soundwave in a restaurant somewhere in suburban North America.

The tyrannical leader of the Decepticons wore a metallic frown as he returned to the table and sat down.

"STARSCREAM!" Megatron bellowed.

"Ye-yes, lord Megatron?" his ever-subversive subordinate asked, startled.

"What were you doing to my double-whopper with cheese while I was acquiring us utensils and beverages? You wouldn't happen to have poisoned it with tainted energon, would you?"

"Why, no lord Megatron!" Starscream waved the accusation away defensively, "I was simply inspecting it for quality and freshness! It is safe for you to eat!"

"Ah," Megatron nodded, "Very good, Starscream. But you can have the double-whopper. I think I'll have a chicken sandwich instead."

"Umm," Starscream began to leak hydraulic fluid. Megatron reached into the bag they'd ordered and retrieved another sandwich. Soundwave was unreadable as always but appeared to be monitoring the exchange while sipping from a drink. Laserbeak and Rumble busied themselves by playing with a couple of toys that had come with the meal.

Megatron eyed his comrade as he unwrapped his fried poultry meal. "Go ahead, Starscream. Take a bite."

Starscream swallowed hard and looked down at the burger he'd 'prepared' for Megatron. "B-but I-"

"You should know by now, Starscream," Megatron said, lowering his fusion cannon at Starscream. "I always have it my way."

---

Intro: Rise Up- Theme of Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship

We're going to face the day!

One day,
You wake up to find~
Nothing
That you know is right!
Feels like
You've gone completely blind
But somehow, you can still see the light~

You can show any rule
You're not scared to defy it
Show the world some healthy opposition
If there's something new, you're not afraid to try it
Because you're free to make your own decisions
This is your life- no matter what others say~
Rise up! You can face the day!

So you're stuck
There's not much you can do
It's like
Everything's out to get you
But still
You can still find a way to forge a path and make your dreams come true!

You can show the whole world
You're not scared to believe it!
Stand tall and defend your position!
No matter how cold the truth is, you're not afraid to receive it!
And keep moving forward with your own mission!
This is your life- you've gotta live it your own way
Rise up! You can face the day!

It's tough to see what the truth really is
When all you've got is mixed messages
Seems like the problems that come around
Are setup just to keep you down
Nothing seems right!
And it's like your entire life's just plight after plight!
But no matter what the problem is or how long the struggle's length,
You can still find the courage to stand, to find your inner strength~

You can show any rule
You're not scared to defy it!
Show the world some healthy opposition!
If there's something new, you're not afraid to try it!
Because you're free to make your own decisions!
This our world! The game is on and we're gonna play!
We'll rise up! We can face the day!

---

The day after arriving home from Canterlot, Dan, Twilight and friends met at one of their usual hang out spots, Sugar Cube Corner. Twilight had to believe that the café they frequented never looked better now that she was back in Ponyville again. Dan didn't have any complaints either; he was happy to be home again, especially knowing that there were no crazy train rides, massive walls or giant robots to fight in their immediate future.

They'd returned to Ponyville by way of Twilight's balloon that Spike and Fluffle had arrived in. With the Golden Oaks library still being renovated, they chose to meet at Sugar Cube Corner to relax and take a break from working on the reconstruction.

"So, Princess Celestia can't use the magic of friendship?" Applejack asked, a might confused.

Twilight nodded. "That's what she told us. One of the reasons why she has me write letters to her is because she's learning about friendship, too."

"Wow," Pinkie remarked. "And she thought you needed to get out more."

"Well, she HAS been ruling over the entire kingdom for like, a long time," Rainbow pointed out.

"Still, you think she'd have some time to make some friends of her own," Chrys countered.

"Being a princess is a huge responsibility," Twilight commented. "But I know I'd never want being a princess to come between us." They all hugged tightly.

"Aww, we know you'd always make time for us!" Pinkie reassured her.

"Of course," Twilight agreed, "But there's a chance I might have to choose between you and something I'd have to do as a princess. Even though I'd always choose my friends... I wouldn't want to take that risk," she smiled.

Twilight's friends smiled back at her. No matter what, they would all support each other, whatever they chose to do. Chrys, Dan and Fluffle Puff were new to the group and had choices of their own to make. Twilight wanted to make sure she was there for them, all of them.

Dan was only half-paying attention, reading a newspaper but many times his approval was silent anyway. One thing they were all thankful for about Dan: he was easy to read.

"So, what are you going to do now that you're not a princess, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.

The purple alicorn looked down at the table. "I'm not sure. I guess try to fix the library, keep writing letters about what I learn. There's always something we can do."

"What about your wings?" Rarity asked, pointing at them.

Twilight turned to look at them, clasped tightly against her sides. "The princesses said there was a ritual I could perform that would change me back into a unicorn," she informed them. "But they said the book that contained the spell had gone missing."

"Missing?" they asked.

"It was a book in the castle, one of Celestia's own spell books. But when they searched for it, it was gone," Twilight informed them.

"Did... did they lose it?" Rainbow asked. "Because I have this one book, Daring Do and The Quest For The Lost Book and it has a great guide for finding things you misplace."

Rarity grinned coyly. "Maybe the princesses would like to borrow it, hm?"

"Uh, of course!" Rainbow put a hoof behind her head. "I'd be happy to lend it to 'em."

Applejack teamed up with Rarity and raised an accusing eyebrow at her friend. "You wouldn't a happened ta have lost it would ya?"

"N-no!" Rainbow batted away question. "I know right where it is. It's back in my house in Cloudsdale."

Even Twilight found it a bit surprising. "You lost a book about a lost book?"

"I didn't LOSE the book!" Rainbow declared defensively. "I told you,- it's in my house... somewhere."

Chrys chuckled. "Well, at least you've narrowed it down."

"So, I guess I just have to wait for them to find it or check my own library for another copy," Twilight said.

Dan lowered his newspaper to see the others. "Hey, didn't we just find a book last week about magic?"

Twilight's eyes went wide. "Oh, yes! I almost forgot about it, the one we used to reverse the spell that made you bald."

"Ngrrr..." Dan bristled at the memory, the newspaper crumpling around his grip as he raised it slowly to resume reading.

Chrys tapped her chin. "You don't think that book we found..."

Twilight nodded, already agreeing with what Chrys was suggesting. "It's worth checking out. But we might have trouble getting to it with the house in shambles."

Rainbow hovered over to her. "Oh, you didn't happen to LOSE your precious new spell book, did you?"

Rolling her eyes, Twilight said, "No, I know right where it is. It's in my house," she got up from her seat, turned back to Rainbow and with a smile added, "somewhere."

The Pegasus frowned, ceasing her attempt at recovery.

Twilight walked to the door, the others slowly rising from the table to follow her. Fluffle Puff appeared from under the table chewing gum. "I categorized the book in the 'to-be-categorized' bookshelf of books I need to categorize into bookshelves in the storeroom."

"Yeah," Spike confirmed, picking up the pace to follow his caretaker, "but we haven't been able to get to that room since the house fell over; part of the roof collapsed and blocked the doorway."

"So you did try to fix things while we were gone," Dan said. "Did you actually accomplish anything?"

Spike grinned sheepishly. "Sure did! Fluffle Puff and I, we..."

"Yes?" Twilight turned to her assistant, curious.

"We found the perfect spot for the new altar."

Twilight and her friends collectively facehooved, Dan respectively facepalmed.

Rarity looked around, not understanding. "What altar?"

Rather than have somepony stretch the truth, Applejack stepped in and said, "It's something ya'd have to see."

"Oh," Rarity said. "I knew my Spikey-wikey was an artist. I'd love to see it once we get things at the library straightened up."

"Yeah, hold onto that feeling, small town girl," Dan said, striding forward. "We'll get the house fixed up and then Spike can show you all the 'art' he's made in your honor," he reached for the door.

He almost stepped outside before noticing a pair of carney-costumed stallions standing in the doorway.

"Why, hello there fair citizens!" The red mustachioed one announced. "My brother and I couldn't help but notice your predicament."

"Yes, the damage to your domicile has not gone undetected by us or your neighbors," the clean-faced one added.

"You two again," Applejack glared at them.

Before any of the group could say more, the mustachioed one continued. "It's evidenced that your endearing educative establishment has been reduced to an egregious eyesore."

"Some form of malady has rendered your resplendent residence into a repulsive repository of wreckage."

Chrys looked back and fourth between the two. "Our... what?"

The shaved-faced put a hoof on Chrys' shoulder. "Somepony done blowed up your house, hun."

Dan stepped between the two, pushing the stranger's hoof off Chrys. "And what exactly does that have do with either of you? Are you with the city planning department?"

"Why no, dear sir," the stranger put his hoof back down. "My brother and just wish to offer our deepest sympathies to you in this development. We know how hard housework of this magnitude can be."

"That's why Flim Flam Enterprises(a limited liability company) is prepared to provide a solution to your problem!"

"Wait," Dan held up a hand, "You're not trying to-"

"And for the low, low cost of-"

Dan slammed the door in their faces.

---

"DAN!" the mares collectively shouted/groaned at him. Fluffle Puff used her gum to blow a bubble that somehow lifted her to the ceiling. Because cartoon physics.

"WHAT?!" Dan asked defensively. "They're trying to sell us something! And you know I don't do solicitors."

"Dan," Twilight walked over to the door. "You can't just slam the door on somepony's face."

"Even if it is those two scam peddlers..." AJ grumbled.

"Come on," Twilight insisted, "Be nice to them and I'm sure they'll leave us alone."

"Yeah!" Spike agreed. "I bet they're already gone by now anyway."

Twilight's magic slowly opened the door to reveal the two brothers still blocking their exit, unphased. In fact, the brothers' hats were removed and were clutched against their chests.

"Now," Flam said, "what kind of salesponies would we be if we just gave up that easily?"

"When there's ponies in need, my brother and I have vowed to be there to provide only the best in top-quality products and services at affordable prices to remedy their problems and improve their lives!" A pair of halos materialized over the duo's heads and a heavenly light shone down from above. The ethereal light then flickered and crackled. Because real physics.

Mr. Cake walked over from behind the store counter. "Sorry, been meaning to fix that." He climbed a ladder and changed the lightbulb on the ceiling and the light it cast abruptly went out.

Dan folded his arms. "We're not interested in whatever it is you're selling."

"Ah, but you haven't even heard of what we're prepared to offer yet," Flam smiled.

"We'd love to," Dan smiled an almost genuine smile, "but I'm afraid we're far too busy at the moment."

Twilight nodded in agreement. "That's right; we are," she turned to Dan. "What are we busy doing?"

"We're chasing after Fluffle Puff," Dan answered, still smiling.

"Why? What is she-" Twilight turned around. Outside the door, she spotted Fluffle Puff flying away, a large pink bubblegum bubble carrying her in the breeze. Twilight looked back to Dan. "I told you not to let her have gum!"

Dan shrugged. "I can't help it if she gets under the table. And besides, she makes a great foot rest."

"Ugh," Twilight groaned, "Rainbow, can you get Fluffle Puff?"

"On it," the Pegasus replied, taking off after the floating Puff.

"Excuse us," Twilight trotted past Flim and Flam. The eight other intrepid friends exited as well, following her into the Ponyville street.
Rainbow Dash sped through the air, flying towards the wayward balloonist as she floated down the street. Fluffle Puff kicked her legless as she flew, her body somehow staying aloft.

"All right Fluffle Puff, just hold still," Rainbow said, approaching her. Grabbing onto Fluffle's legs, she began to pull them down to the ground. This was, unfortunately, a mistake. "Huh? What is this?" Rainbow's hooves stuck to Fluffle's own, covered in yet more gum.
Before the Pegasus knew what was happening, she was stuck to Fluffle Puff's back and the two of them were flying helplessly over Ponyville.

"Help! Help, I'm stuck!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

Her friends chased after them, worried and now a little confused. The wind kept the bubble and mares attached floating as the others pursued. Some bystanders were forced to duck; a cart-pulling stallion diverted out of their path, a pink mare watering the flowers on her windowsill was forced to dodge but thankfully nothing got in the way of the entangled mass of flying candy and pony.

"Rainbow!" Twilight yelled. "Chrys, we have to get them down!"

"Right!" Chrys knelt down, allowing Twilight and Spike to get on her back. The changeling buzzed her wings, carrying them up to the floating pink dirigible. Fluttershy followed close behind, having wings herself.

From the air, Twilight was able to examine the sticky situation closer. "The bubblegum's stuck to her mouth! And also... it shouldn't be lighter than air! This has to be some kind of spell!"

"It's a spell?" Rainbow asked, helpless. "That's gotta be why she's sticking to me!"

"Actually," Chrys squinted at the adhering pegasus, "she's just covered in candy and stuff from the floor. That's why you're stuck to her."

RD's eyes went wide. "Oh gosh," she struggled to get free. "This is- oh my, gross gross gross gross gross gross gross! Get me down! Please, ewwwwwwwwww, get me down!"

"I'll try to free you, Rainbow!" Fluttershy called. She flew up and pulled on her fellow pegasi's front hooves, trying to pry her off.

"Just hold tight," Twilight reached out with her hooves, trying to unhook Fluffle from the bubble. "AJ! Rarity!" she called to her friends behind her, "We have to stop it from floating around! Use your lasso and get ready to tie it to something!"

"Got it, Twilight!" Applejack responded.

"Perhaps a licorice whip would be more appropriate," Rarity remarked at their situation.

Applejack reached from under her the brim of her hat and retrieved her lasso. "We're ready when you are!"

Twilight stood on Chrys' back, focusing on her two entangled friends. "Chrys, we need to get closer!"

"Okay, but we need to be careful," Chrys cautioned. She buzzed her wings harder, gaining altitude. "We don't wanna get too-"

And they got too close. A light breeze hit the bubblegum bubble, slowing it down and causing the two mares flying behind it to crash into it. The candy substance immediately adhered to their coats and stuck to them like glue. Fluttershy was pulled onto Fluffle Puff's back, sticking to her soft, candy-coated fur.

"Oh no," Rarity gasped, seeing three more of her friends stuck.

Chrys, stuck with her back on the bubble upside down, wasn't even able to move her wings. "Twilight, can you fly?" she asked.

"I... I can move my wings," she said, managing to flap them, "but not my legs!" The side of her head and part of her mane were stuck to the gum. Even if she'd been a stronger flier, she wasn't going anywhere. "Applejack! Rarity! You've got to catch us before we float away!"

"We're on it, Twilight! Just hang on!" AJ yelled back.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Like we have a choice."

Twilight growled. "You want to trade places, Rainbow?!"

"No thanks," she said, putting her hooves behind her neck. "If you want to turn us around, that'd be cool. View's kind of getting boring on this side."

Fluffle Puff was actually enjoying herself. Her eyes were closed in that *content* expression you see in cartoons when the characters are happy. You know the one. High both above the street and on sugar, the sticky puff ball kicked her legs as the bubblegum bubble, the biggest one she'd ever blown and she was proud of that fact, carried her and her friends through town like it was their own parade. She understood they were scared but Fluffle was confident that everything would be fine. The fluffy mare was far more concerned with the very real possibility that another bath was in her near future.

Being clean was something Fluffle enjoyed. Bathing was not; Fluffle Puff preferred to just ride in the washing machine down at the Ponyville Laundromat and then use the dryer. She was banned from the Laundromat but still snuck in now and then for more fun despite the owner chasing her out on occasion. Twilight and her friends, however, bathed Fluffle Puff by spraying her with a hose and then soaping her before spraying her again. Fluffle Puff's body absorbed liquid like a sponge and after Spike or one of the others bathed her, it generally took a couple hours at least for her fluff to dry out.

It was the one drawback to literally being your own pillow- difficult to clean. She often thought of painting herself green and disguising herself as a bush to avoid the dreaded bath time. But if it rained, she'd wind up soaked anyway.

"All right, here goes!" Throwing the lasso with the precision only a cowgirl could muster, Applejack roped the lower half of Fluffle Puff's body. The rope also wrapped around Rainbow's stomach and Fluttershy's back, both of them stuck on respective sides of the fluffy pony.

"Great job!" Twilight said, only able to see them out of the corner of her eye. "Now tie us down to something!"

"Rarity! Grab the end of the rope!" Applejack said through gritted teeth.

"Hold on, I'm trying," Rarity struggled to find the end of the lasso. "What should I tie it to?"

"Anything! Find something!"

"Um," the fashionable mare looked around. Seeing no other alternative, she tied the rope to Applejack and herself using her magic.

"Hey, what're you doin?"

"Um, guys?" Chrys asked, noticing the wind changing direction.

"I'm tying the rope down, now hold still-"

"No Rarity, she meant tie it to-"

"Guys?" Chrys said again. The bubblegum balloon began floating in the other direction.

"There's nothing else we can tie it to!"

"She meant go get somethin' so we can use it as an anchor!"

"Why do we need an anchor?" Rarity asked, baffled by the notion. "It's not a boat."

While the pair squabbled, the pink blimp began traveling again as the wind picked up speed back to Sugar Cube Corner. The arguing unicorn and earth pony didn't notice as the rope shifted and dragged them in the other direction.

"Guys!" Chrys shouted again.

"What?! wa-woa-woa-woa-woaaaaaaaaaaah!!" Applejack said as she was pulled.

"AJ, wait, I- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!"

When the balloon shifted, the rope wrapped around them, tying them both together. In an instant, Rarity and Applejack became tangled up in the rope and were soon airborne themselves.

"Oh," Rarity realized, her back to Applejack's as her legs dangled. "That's why you didn't want to tie it to ourselves."

AJ frowned. "On the plus side, we found our anchor."

"What? Where is it?" Rarity asked.

"Tied to my back," Applejack said with a grin.

As if on cue, the wind changed direction again and now carried the mares back to the center of town. Rarity and Applejack's efforts had managed to give the balloon a tail. To ponies in the street, it appeared to be a giant runaway kite or a parade float. Either way, they didn't receive help from passersby.

"It's all right girls," Twilight said, still trying to pry her face off the bubble, "we still have Pinkie Pie."

"Not to sound negative," Rainbow remarked, "but what the hay is Pinkie Pie gonna do to get us down?"

"Her cutie mark is balloons," Chrys thought. "Maybe she has a plan."

"Of course I have a plan!" Pinkie answered.

The group looked around, trying to see where she was.

"Pinkie?"

"Pinkie!" AJ and Rarity took turns shouting as they spun slowly back and fourth.

"It's all right everypony! Pinkie is here to help!" she shouted.

"See Rainbow!" Chrys said happily. "Pinkie does have a plan!"

"I sure do!" Pinkie's voice continued to echo.

"Thank Celestia," Twilight sighed, "I was beginning to think-"

The sound of a cannon being fired cut Twilight off midsentence. Pinkie Pie shot through the air like a rocket and hit the gum bubble, landing on the side in between Twilight, Chrys and Fluttershy.

"Woohoo!" Pinkie yelled. "Now this is fun!"

Rainbow sighed. "Great job Pinkie."

Chrys sighed as well. "Welcome aboard, this is Trans-Tolerable Airways Flight Random Made-up Number, thank you for joining us. For your in-flight movie today, this airline is happy to offer Biodome with Pauly Shore-"

"Chrys," Twilight said. "Not helping."

"Sorry!" the changeling squee-smiled. "But you know, there is something I'm wondering."

"What's that?" the other ponies asked.

"Where's Dan?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Dan shook his head. "Once it again, it looks like Captain Dan has to save the day," he smiled.

From the side, Twilight and the others saw him. Dan stood in the middle of the street ahead of them holding the ladder Mr. Cake had used only minutes ago.

"Dan," Twilight pulled herself again, "You have to be careful! The bubble, it's-"

"You're in trouble again, I understand," Dan waved.

"No, Dan!" she yelled. "The bubble, it's-"

"I'll have you all down in a moment!" Dan held the ladder over his head.

"And how are you planning on getting us down?" Chrys asked.

"Well, you could say the idea just 'popped' into my head." Dan broke into a run, charging at the floating mess at full speed.

"Is he doing what I think he's doing?" Pinkie asked.

"That depends," Rainbow answered. "Do you think he's going to use us as a piñata?"

Pinkie rubbed her chin. "Maybe..."

"Why maybe?"

"Because he's not wearing a blindfold."

Dan continued charging headlong at the group. When he got halfway between them, he jammed the ladder into the ground as he ran. Tipping the ladder over, he ran along its steps, turning into a single pole-vaulting motion that launched him high into the air.

The human flew a good distance, surprising everypony attached to the bubble. A pony on street level just happened to be taking a picture at the time and captured the moment of Dan's feat. Instantly, it became a postcard.

Ponyville
Where this happens.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Dan yelled. He shot through the air, flying towards the top of the bubble. As he bore down on his target, he pulled out a fork from the café in midair and grasped it with both hands. Coming down onto the gum, he plunged the utensil into the side of the object, piercing it.

Everypony closed their eyes, waiting for the inevitable bang. Which never came.

"What?" Twilight asked. "What happened? Dan?"

Dan stuck to the top of the balloon, clutching the fork in one hand. The metal prongs of the tool were stuck into the gum, unyielding as he tried to pull it out. Worse, Dan himself was stuck to it too, his chin glued to the side.

"No... no!!" Dan yelled. "THE GUM AT MY FORK!!!"

"That's definitely a first," Chrys commented.

"Way to go, Captain Dan," Spike said. Next to Twilight, he couldn't help but wish he could trade places with Applejack and be tied up to Rarity. Rarity and Applejack both wore similar frowns, disappointed. The group continued to float down the road. A couple silent minutes passed. Pinkie tried chewing her way out of the bubblegum every few seconds but to no avail.

"Hey Twilight?" Chrys finally broke the silence.

Twilight groaned, frustrated at her and the collective failure of the group. "What? What is it, Chrys?"

"I was just gonna say..."

"What is it?!" Twilight tore her head off the gum. "You can see our house from here? All the ponies down there look like ants? The weather sure is nice up here?! DOES IT LOOK LIKE RAIN?! Really, I'm SOOOOOOO interested to hear what you have to say, please tell me!"

"Actually," Chrys mentioned, "you were right the first time."

If Twilight had a free hoof, it would've been in her face. "What?"

"You were right the first time; I can see our house from here."

The purple princess smacked her head against the bubble. "Thank you for letting us know, Chrys."

"It's fixed."

"It's what?" Twilight and the others all asked. From each of their positions, they struggled to see the Golden Oaks library. To all their surprise, the tree that comprised the house was upright again.

"It... it's fixed..." Twilight muttered in disbelief.

"How?! How is that possible?!" Dan asked.

As the bubblegum flew over the house, it was caught by something. A large crane latched onto the balloon from above and then slowly moved the mass, landing it on the ground beside Twilight's house.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," a familiar voice spoke. "Once again, it looks like the Flim Flam brothers have to save the day."

---

The crane detached from the gum bubble and rose a few feet above the group.

"Presenting Flim and Flam's latest product available now!" Flam's voice announced, projected over a loudspeaker.

Before any of the group could see what it was, the crane doused them with some kind of green solution. The bubble burst immediately and the quadrupeds and bipeds fell to the grass.

"That should help you out of your sticky situation!" Flim's voice spoke, also projected. "Just a little bit of a tonic we've been working on."

The tonic ate away at the gum, dissolving it. After the candy and goo dissipated, the tonic itself wiped off easily leaving no residue. Wiping himself off, Dan finally got a look at whatever it was that had saved them. And his jaw dropped.

"Well, thank you for the assistance, it is greatly appreciated," Rarity commented, straightening out her mane.

Twilight wiped some gum off of her tail. "Yes, thank you but what exactly did you do to our..." she trailed off.

Dan was still awestruck. "No... no, no. Not again," he muttered loud enough for the others to hear.

Situated in front of the now-upright library was a blast from the past. Or, to be more accurate, last episode. It was impossible not to recognize; the head of a pony, the curved vase-shaped body, the hooves dangling over the top of the vase. Only this one didn't have a horn.

The crane retracted into the elbow of the machine's right hoof. "We hope you all have enjoyed this demonstration of the Flim Flam brothers' latest project: Flim Flam Gear!"

"Flim..."

"...Flam..."

"...Gear?!"

"...thbbbdd?!"

Flim Flam Gear...?
Recently Redesigned Reconstruction Contraption

Twilight, Chrys, Dan and Fluffle each gaspingly remarked at the machine in turn. The machine's forehead opened like a hatch and the two brothers descended by platform on either side of the machine.

Flim removed his hat and took a short bow as he approached the group. "Pardon our intervention but your house's reconstruction was beginning to become an obstruction for the thoroughfare through town."

Flam followed suit. "So my brother and I took the liberty of restoring your residence while you were away."

Pinkie, eyes still glued to Flim and Flam's latest machine, could only point and shout, "GIANT PONY ROBO-"

Chrys stuffed a hoof in her mouth. "We do appreciate what you've done for us, gentlecolts but um..."

"Hold on a second," Dan held up a hand, "how did you... gentlecolts... devise this contraption?" he gestured to the Gear.

"Ah, so you're finally willing to hear our proposal?" Flam asked.

Dan raised a finger and opened his mouth, both actions to point out a couple things, when the other brother interrupted him.

"This technological marvel comes to you straight from Flim and Flam's own fleet of machines!"

Flam walked over to it as they explained. "We noticed that places like Ponyville are constantly beset upon by all manner of calamity and so, decided to do the neighborly thing and craft a construct that can add in rapid reconstruction!"

"That's... fascinating," Twilight forced a smile. "And um, where did you get the idea for such a... helpful machine?"

The brothers hugged each other's shoulders. "To be honest, the idea came to us last weekend when we were in Canterlot."

Applejack's face went blank. "Y'all... were in Canterlot?"

Flam nodded. "Of course! While on a business trip to visit one of our financial supporters, Prince Blueblood, we noticed that a disaster had struck the main street!"

"A disaster in Canterlot?" Twilight asked, nervous. "Ya don't say? That sounds awful."

"It was! And it turned out, the prince was out at the time. Seems he was busy on some private vendetta against a group of seven mercenaries. But we didn't want to leave Canterlot without helping all those poor, rich ponies," Flim lowered his head in somber admission.

"So, we decided to stay and fix the road! Unfortunately, it seemed the Super-Quicker-Service-Fixer 6004(tm) wasn't quite up to the task of repaving the street. We were just about to give up when a friendly stallion in a lab coat with these strange metal gloves gave us the idea to reconfigure our machine into the glorious device you see here," Flam explained.

"So wait," Dan stopped them again, "some guy just GAVE you the plans to build a giant robot?"

The brothers looked at each other, consulting. After a moment, Flim said, "Yes, the nicest fellow, too. Didn't mention his name but he seemed to be some kind of scientist. It was our machine anyway so he helped us reconfigure it and went on his way. And now we're offering the same opportunity to you!"

The rescued returned ten blank stares to the twin salesponies, not sure exactly what they were offering or if they wanted it. Or what to say, really.

"So... you want us to convert the library into a giant robot?" Pinkie asked. And the image of Princess Twilight rampaging through Ponyville in a massive, mobile tree fort entered more than one mind. So really, we referenced Dan renaming Canterlot Danterlot and creating a 1984-version of Equestria, Chrys and Nightmare Moon had a discussion about teaming up, Spike's got a shrine built to Rarity-

"I'm still fixing that."

We know, Spike. And now we have Twilight causing destruction using her own library as a battleship. Really, is there any character in this ENTIRE SERIES who we HAVEN'T alluded to the possibility of them going crazy and using mechanized warmachines to conquer the Equestria?

"Pbbbbbbbbt." (Well it's not like the thought hasn't crossed my mind. But seriously, if I took over, the only change would be that things would be fluffier. Fluffy trees like from the Lorax! Oooh! And fluffy carpets EVERYWHERE. We would all live in the Fluffle Palace of Fluff on a fluffy pink cloud in the sky and I'd be a pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbows all day!)

...okay. So anyway, Flim and Flam laughed and the shook their heads. "Of course not! Why would you build another reconstruction machine when we've already done that for you?"

"Yes! We've done the hard work for you already and to aid in any future fixing, we're offering you the chance to have your very own Flim Flam Gear!"

That actually made Twilight and the others think. Things did seem to get broken a lot around them and if this happened again, a way to fix it quickly would be useful. "Hmm," Twilight rubbed her chin. Chrys did the same while Fluffle Puff donned a pink plastic horn and tried to get Rainbow Dash to dance with her. Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing WITH Rainbow...s~.

Dan noticed Twilight's 'hmm'. "You're not actually thinking of buying that thing, are you?" he asked.

"I don't know, Dan," she answered.

"Where would we even put it! That thing's too big!" Chrys decreed.

"It'd probably fit in the basement," Spike pointed out. "And I could use it to help me finish remodeling... things," he added bashfully.

Twilight looked at the monstrosity. "Well... how much is it?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Dan screamed.

But it was too late. The two brothers looked at each other, twinkles in their eyes and shining smiles.

"It's not cheap, to be honest," Flim said.

"But if you're interested, we might be able to make a deal..."

"A deal?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "What kind of a deal?"

Dan ran over to his pony pal and shook her like she was possessed by something. She had to be to ask them that. "TWILIGHT NO! You can't ask them that!"

"Why not?" she asked, eyes wide and naïve.

"Well, Twilight," Flam began. "Let us explain..."

When my brother and I find ourselves in the position
To aid other ponies with some certain acquisition~
We're more than happy to offer aid
Of any kind and any grade
So long as they're willing to accept our proposition~
1...2...3

Today's your lucky day! Now, it's time to get excited!
Flim and Flam right here have your solution~
And we're happy to provide it!
If there's something that you want,
If there's something that we can do,
Well then Flim and Flam have got the deal for you!

There's ponies out there
That beg and plead
For something to fulfill their wants and needs
But they can't find satisfaction
Until a salespony takes action!

But Flim and Flam hear all their messages
And come to them to offer all our services!
We'll supply it, it's easy!
But unfortunately, it's not free!
We have to charge a nominal fee~~~

But today's your lucky day! Your troubles have now ended!
Whatever malady has stricken you, Flim and Flam will now amend it!
Yes, your luck is starting to turn!
Today, fortune smiles on you!
Because Flim and Flam have got the deal for you!

It's not easy
To supply
Everything that ponies
Want to buy
But we remain dedicated
So long as we are compensated!

So if there is something
you desire,
There's no need to speak
or to inquire!
Flim and Flam have got the cure!
And plenty of bargains in our brochure!(limit one per customer, available only at participating Flim Flam Bros. locations)

So today's your lucky day! The Flim Flam Bros. never fail!
We've got everything you could ever want!
And this week, it's all on sale!
We'll take care of everything,
I know it seems, like it's too good
to be true!
but Flim and Flam have got
the
deal
for
youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

Deal 4 U- The Flim Flam Bros.
Performed by: The Canterlot Royal Symphony Orchestra The Ponyville Discount Ragtime Band and Cheese of The Month Club

The Flim Flam Gear unleashed a volley of fireworks as the pair concluded their song. For a moment, it was quiet after the musical number.

"So... what's the deal?" Twilight finally asked.

The brothers put their hooves around their backs. "How about a one-week free trial of Flim Flam Gear?"

"No bits down, cancel at any time!"

Chrys rose her perforated hoof. "Can it transform?"

"Into twenty-five different helpful configurations," Flam proudly answered.

She turned to Twilight. "It might be nice to have..."

"WHAT?!" Dan's tone was exasperated. "Chrys, you can't be serious!"

The changeling's eyes dropped to the ground and she clicked her hooves together. "I like things that can transform."

"And we can use it to rebuild the inside of the house too, Dan," Spike pointed out.

"We ALL know exactly what you want to model the inside of the house after," Dan stated. The purple dragon blushed in response. His love for Rarity went beyond simple affection; they were soulmates, he knew it. Rarity was just so... perfect. How could he, how could anypony NOT have such an appreciation for the sheer artistic quality of such a gorgeous feminine physique? There was an artistic beauty in the female form and Spike wanted to capture one pony's beauty in particular. And one day the library would be connected to Carousel Boutique and he and Rarity would be married and Twilight and everypony would all be friends and he and Rarity would live happily ever after. The End(copyright Spike).

Flim and Flam could tell Twilight was on the edge. Dan was pushing her to one side while her friends were pushing her to the other. Fortunately for them, the brothers knew exactly what would turn the tide in their favor. Flim winked to his brother who in turn summoned his own magic and the machine's arm extended its shower nozzle again.

"And if your fluffy friend gets herself into a sticky fix, you can always use Flim Flam Gear to get her unstuck," Flam declared.

"We'll take it," Twilight said without hesitation. "Where do I sign?"

"Fantastic!" the brothers threw their hooves up simultaneously. Removing his hat, Flim levitated a stack of papers off his head along with a quill and ink and walked over to Twilight.

Dan's jaw hit the dirt. "NOO! You... you can't do this!"

Both unicorns brothers and alicorn princess ignored the protesting primate. "Sign here."

"NO!"

"And initial here."

"NOOOOO!"

"Signature here."

"Nu."

"Print here."

"Nyet."

"And sign here."

"NEIN!"

"Under here."

"Non!"

"And date here."

"Nokie dokie lokie."

"Is that your full name?"

Robotnik: "NO!"

"Congratulations!" Flim finally said. Twilight panted, releasing the quill back to him.

"Thank you so much for signing up for a free trial of Flim Flam Gear!" Flam said and the two gave a short bow. "The instruction manual's in the cockpit. We hope you enjoy your free week of service!" The two then departed, taking the opposite road towards the train station.

"Wow..." Pinkie Pie marveled. They all did, the weight of Twilight's decision now becoming evident. The robot loomed overhead, an impenetrable-looking statue standing as tall as the library itself. Made of the same polished chromium substance as Magic Gear KNIGHT had been, Flim Flam Gear resembled the giant unicorn filly but with a few key differences. Apart from being white with red stripes instead of white with yellow, this version of Magic Gear seemed to require a pilot and copilot. Also, no horn, meaning no possibility of a sword spell, which Twilight and the others were thankful for.

But not Dan, who wore only an impenetrable scowl.

"So..." Chrys asked nonchalantly, "who gets to drive it first?"

"ME! ME!" Pinkie hopped.

"Twilight," Dan interrupted. "Why?"

The preoccupied purple pony turned to him. "Why what?"

"WHY DID YOU BUY A GIANT ROBOT THAT TRIED TO KILL US!!!!!?" More accusation and shout than question, Twilight's mane was blown back by Dan's projection. But she was mostly used to it by now.

"I, I don't know Dan," she answered honestly. "It all just happened so fast, I, I didn't know what to say."

"But you DID KNOW WHAT TO SAY! YOU SAID YES!"

Twilight raised her shoulders and squeed. "Sorry!"

The squeepology, actually only registered a four point nine repeating on the adorbs-o-meter(results provided by the Manehattan Institute of Cutieology and pancake house) and even then, wasn't effective on Dan given the circumstances. Dan was about to say something else, finger raised to pick at another problem he had with them purchasing a repurposed doomsday weapon but couldn't find the words.

But Applejack found them. "I'm sorry y'all, I don't quite care much for this decision either."

The other ponies, dragon and Dan turned to her. "What? What's wrong?" Rarity asked.

The farm girl straightened her hat. "I'm with Dan on this one. Trusting those two isn't going to cause us nothing but trouble. Can't say I'm fond of the doohickey they brought with them as well."

Dan gestured to her with both hands. "Thank you! Seriously, Twilight, COME ON! That thing TRIED TO KILL US! IT TRIED TO NUKE PONYVILLE! And now you've signed up to have one in your backyard like it's a subscription to Netflix!"

"We need to renew ours, by the way," Chrys reminded them. "Needs mah fix."

"Thhhpppbbdddd," Fluffle added, which meant, "And double-check the DVR so my Doctor Whooves is recorded."

"Twilight," Dan walked over to the princess, hands close together to gesture simple terms, "the machine tried to destroy us. We should be dismantling it right now and sending it BACK TO THOSE TWO CARNIES IN PIECES WITH INSTRUCTIONS ON WHERE THEY CAN STICK IT!"

Pinkie and Rainbow giggled at the thought.

Twilight finally pulled her gaze off the machine. "But Dan, this one's different from the one in Canterlot. It doesn't look like it even has weapons."

"I wonder if we can use it as a birdhouse," Fluttershy asked, also enamored by the machine.

"I wanna make it dance!" Pinkie declared, hopping.

"Let's see if it can fly, first!" Rainbow remarked, hovering towards it.

"Can we repaint it possibly something in purple?" Rarity asked, also stepping closer.

Chrys, Fluffle and Spike joined in, save Applejack who stood by Dan.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Dan," Twilight assured him. "And we'll be able to use it to fix up the rest of the library faster than we could with regular tools."

"I just don't get this," Dan said, defeated. "Why would anypony in their right mind go and buy something when they know it's bad for them? Seriously, who does that?"

Literally everypony and Spike turned to Dan slowly, casting wide-eyed stares at the human. Pinkie Pie walked over to him slowly. "Pretty much everypony, Dan," she said, putting a hoof on his folded arms.

He frowned and turned away from her. But this only made the pink mare chuckle. "Oh Danny, everyone does stuff like this all the time."

"I find that hard to believe," Dan replied sternly.

Thinking for a moment, Pinkie got a Pinkie idea. "You know Dan, it's a lot like cake! Think of it like that."

"What is it with you and cake?" Dan asked, the poor bastard.

"Well, let me explain it to you silly!"

"C is for Confection, because that's what cake is!
A is for Awesome which is also what cake is!
K is for Knowledge because we already know~
That cakes are made of sugar and just where all that sugar goes!
And E is for Everything from the frosting to the dough~
That cakes are just amazing~"

"NOW CAN WE GET ON WITH THE SHOW?!" Dan demanded. "We just HAD a music number five minutes ago, please, can we get going?"

"Okay!" Pinkie squee-smiled.

"And besides," Dan continued, "Not even the cake Pinkie nearly killed us over three episodes ago was a danger to us. Unless one of you is allergic to strawberries."

"Well," Twilight said, tapping her hoof, "at least we can use it to try and repair the library. I don't see any harm in using it for that." The other ponies, save Applejack, nodded in agreement. Fluffle Puff had already found her way to the cockpit and had donned a hardhat.
The mares and baby dragon began using the machine already to lift supplies, crate things around using its arms. Twilight even used her wings to fly up and join them, levitating the instruction manual over so she could read it.

"But... fixing the library was my job..." Dan's arms slacked. The human felt genuinely sad although nopony could be sure whether it was because Twilight had chosen to keep the Flim Flam Gear or that it somehow had replaced him.

"It's okay, Dan!" Twilight comforted him. "You can still help Spike with the basement."

Dan looked at the tiny dragon and bristled with discomfort. He liked Spike for the most part and the reptile was a good cook, helpful and even stable compared to some of the other friends around him. But his obsession with Rarity was creepy and definitely NOT something he wanted to be involved with. Was there anything wrong with what the little guy was doing? Technically, no. Just that Dan didn't want that obsession to take up the interior of where he lived.

The orange pony next to him put a hoof on his shoulder. "If you're looking for something to do, there's always work around the farm. And we could use some extra material."

Dan thought about it for a minute. At least one other pony was on his side and it was the one that seemed level-headed most of the times. There had to be someway he could convince Twilight and the others they'd made the wrong decision, there had to be. Maybe he and Applejack could show them. And it sounded like she wasn't fond of Flim and Flam either.

"I think that's a great idea, Applejack. I'd love to come help," Dan replied.

"Happy to have ya, pardner," the cowgirl said.

"Hey TWILIGHT! CHRYS!" Dan cupped his hands and shouted at them.

"Yes, Dan?" Twilight asked, swinging one of the robot's hooves and nearly breaking off one of the tree house's branches.

"Since we don't really need the extra supplies, I think I'll take them to Sweet Apple Acres with Applejack," Dan yelled. "Okay?!"

"Okay, good idea!" Twilight shouted back.

"All right," Dan turned to AJ. "Guess there's something salvageable about this ordeal after all."

"Eeyup," she agreed. The pair walked around to the back of the house and retrieved some extra lumber, tools and supplies and began the trip to Sweet Apple Acres on the outskirts of town.

"Ya know Applejack, I think you and me are gonna get along just fine," Dan patted the earth pony, her knees buckling as she struggled to carry the vast majority of the supplies.

"It... wouldn't hurt ya ta carry a little more, y'know," Applejack groaned.

"You're right!" Dan merrily put on a hardhat. "Good idea, Jack. Safety first!" he declared, running ahead of her.

Applejack rose an eyebrow as she tried to put one heavy hoof in front of the other. "Jack?"

---

Dan took on half the load of supplies from Applejack shortly after setting out for Sweet Apple Acres after finally noticing she was a tad overburdened. The sun shone brightly over head and a light breeze made the walk comfortable for the pair. Having dealt with the two salesponies before, Applejack retold the tale of her first meeting with the Flim Flam brothers to Dan as they traveled to the Apple family farm.

"So, they showed up in some whacky machine, started peddling their garbage and then you and the others beat the vests off of them and sent 'em packing?"

"Eeyup," Applejack nodded, confirming Dan's summary.

"Wow," Dan remarked, astounded. "Nice going. Show the scammers how it's really done and watch 'em turn tail and run. I love it."

"Well, uh, thanks," AJ replied. Dan's explanation wasn't exactly how she would've described their last bout with Flim and Flam but ultimately, he was right. "Ain't seen hide nor hair of those two since. Would'a thought they'dve learned their lesson and moved on."

Dan shook his head as they walked. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. Where I come from, sales cronies don't ever give up easily. You think they're gone but next week they're back, hanging something new on your door handle so you have to take the damn thing off to even get in your house!"

"Wow," Applejack said, now surprised herself. "They sound a might stubborn."

"You don't know the half of it!" Dan said, exasperated. "Leaving pamphlets in your mailbox... fliers on your windshield that you have to take off before you even start your car! And then," his voice turned into a rage-filled shout, "THEY WAKE YOU AND YOUR NEIGHBORS UP AT SIX AM! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE SELLING AT SIX AM! I'M NOT BUYING A TIMESHARE!!!" Several birds took flight out of the nearby trees that lined the road.

Applejack stopped and took a step back from Dan as he vented. "YOU'RE PAYING TWELVE MONTH'S WORTH OF UTILITIES, MAINTENANCE FEES AND TAXES FOR A CONDO YOU'RE ONLY USING FOURTEEN DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR! AND WHAT IF YOU WANT TO GO SOMEHWERE ELSE?!" he shook his hands skyward, as if posing that question to the whole multiverse. "IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!"

Slowly, the two started walking again. "Well, the way I sell my apples is usually by setting up the stand, lettin' folks come to me."

"You see? That's honest salesman... err, salespony-ship. That's what we need more of," Dan stated. "No manipulation, no scamming, let them come to you."

"I guess that's what we do," Applejack said. To be honest, she had no idea what Dan was talking about but really, she didn't need to. There was a right way and a wrong way to do everything, whether you were selling apples or whatever a timechair was. Or was it chimeshare? Dime... whatever. If somepony was sticking their business everywhere, the business wasn't working. If her apples didn't sell, and sometimes they didn't, AJ would pack up her stall and try again later. As for advertising, there were always signs, slogans and singing and dancing if it was really slow. And only in front of her own stall; not in a pony's living room.

Sweet Apple Acres in sight, Dan looked over to AJ. "Hey, you're thing's honesty, right?"

Applejack's eyebrows' tinged. "My... thing?"

"Yeah, your deal, what you focus on," Dan said casually.

Again, something she hadn't heard explained that way but Dan was right. "Yes, honesty's the quality I rightly admire. It's my Element."

"Element?" Dan repeated. Now there was something she needed to explain.

"Yeah, the Element'sa Harmony," Applejack answered.

"Twilight mentioned something about those before, what are they?"

AJ was taken aback by the question. "Twi never told y'all about the Elements?"

Dan scratched his neck with his shoulder. "She might have. She said they were some kind of magical artifacts that you guys save Equestria with."

She shrugged. "Well yeah, that's pretty much it."

"But what are they?" Dan inquired. "What can you do with them?"

"To be honest," AJ tilted her head to the ground, "Magic's not really my field of expertise, sugar cube. But I do know there's six of us and there's six of them; Pinkie's is laughter, Fluttershy's is kindness, Rainbow's loyalty, Rarity has generosity, Twi's got magic and mine is honesty. When we get them all together, we can use some kinda super-magic that nothing we've seen so far can stand up against. We pretty much use it to set things right again."

"Wow," Dan was surprised again. "Hey wait, WHY DON'T WE JUST FIX THE HOUSE WITH THEM?!"

Applejack readjusted her hat after Dan's yelling. "We can't use 'em for just anything, Dan. It's complicated magic we can only use in emergencies."

"Fine, fine," Dan continued walking. "Things would be easier if we could use something like that more often, though." Dan liked magic but what he didn't like was how finicky it was. He was beginning to accept its limitations, though. But what he didn't understand, and what Applejack and the others did, was that there were different kinds of magic. And some didn't have limitations.

Applejack smiled. "Careful whatcha wish for, sugar cube," she patted him on the back.

The trees around them broke into fields, flat grass and plowed turf separated by rolling hills in the distance. They followed the fencing into the farmland until they approached the barns and farmstead. Dan had actually been to Sweet Apple Acres a couple times before, usually to pick up one thing or another but this was the first time he'd really taken anything there. While Dan wasn't a fan of crowded urban settings, he didn't find the farm ideal either but had a great deal of respect for the apple family and farmers like them. He still didn't see himself as a farmer though; not until he could spawn food items by snapping his fingers.

"So, how has the apple farming been since you got back?" Dan asked. "Everything all right since we stopped the place from getting nuked?"

"Not bad, I reckon," AJ said. "Applebloom's second cousin Cran Apple decided he was a demigirl last week. It's been… interesting."

"Demigirl?" Dan raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Did you make that up?"

Applejack shook her head. "No, and I ain't sure who did. But it means he wants us to refer to him as 'they' and 'them' now. Use non-gender specific pronouns and whatnot."

"Uh huh," Dan nodded, understanding. "I actually have a cat named Mr. Mumbles. She's a girl but she and I like the name Mr. Mumbles better so we call her that."

"Yeah but Cran wants ponies to refer to him as 'they' instead of him or her. It's kind of been an adjustment."

"Yeah, I'm not doing that," Dan stated. "He can't force people to refer to him as whatever he wants to be called. What he needs to do is find a compromise with others over the terms. The whole preferences thing, it's fine at a personal level but it stops short of forcing other people to say stuff. People have the right to use their own terms and free speech and... stuff."

"Right."

"If I wanted to be called 'King Dan of Equestria' I wouldn't be able to make people do it. No matter how much of a ring it has to it."

Applejack smirked. "How 'bout 'Dan- Loudest Man Ever to Set Foot in Equestria'?"

Dan smiled and rubbed her hat down. "Not bad, AJ. I just might have you make up all the names for the Sparkle Guard."

"I'll be sure to make a rank that's non-gender specific for if you ever hire somepony like Cran Apple."

"Nah. HE can join if he meets our requirements," Dan said. "We don't need a guard for everything."

Freedom of speech and freedom of expression were good things, necessary things, especially for people who used them often like myself and Dan. Someone else trying to force their speech on you or force words into your mouth, that didn't work for quite a lot of reasons. Dan never had a problem expressing himself or speaking his mind, and anyone that tried to censor him was in for even more of an earfull than they bargained for. His friends did occasionally have a problem with his volume, so thankfully the new renovations for the library included a degree of soundproofing.

A shadow cast on the ground as they reached the farmstead. The house was large, it had to be to accommodate the occasional extra family members but that wasn't what was casting the shadow. As Dan and Applejack rounded the corner to the entrance, they saw Granny Smith on the porch speaking to two familiar stallions.

"We appreciate you taking us up on our offer, miss," Flim held his hat to his chest and dipped down.

"We hope you enjoy your free trial!" Flam echoed the motion. The two brothers then turned quickly around and walked away.

"What,- what,- what?!!" Dan stammered between outcries. He and Applejack skidded to a halt in front of the green elder just as the two brothers departed.

"Granny, what did y'all jus do?" Applejack asked in an accusing tone.

"Whut?" Granny Smith looked around. "Did I walk in somepony else's house by mistake again?"

Dan looked around. The Apple family had no neighbors. How could she enter another house?

"No, Granny, you done just went and signed up for somethin' from Flim and Flam!"

"Oh that," Granny Smith replied. "Well, that's right, lemme show you," the elder slowly led the two to a large box parked in front of the farmhouse. Reaching up, she pulled a dangling rope down and the crate fell apart revealing...

"No... no... NO!!!" Dan screamed.

Flim Flam Gear
Available for Rent or Purchase Online

"No what?" Granny asked, confused again.

Dan collapsed to the ground and proceeded to pound the dirt with his fist.

"Granny, what in the hay are we gonna do with a giant robot?"

"What can't we do with a giant robot?" Applebloom countered. The small filly materialized from behind the machine as if summoned by some hyper-active force.

"No," AJ approached her sister. "I ain't having you messin' with that contraption until we know what it does."

"There's an instruction manual up here!" Granny called from the machine's cockpit. Somehow, the older earth pony had managed to quickly climb.

AJ facehooved hard. "GRANNY! Get down from there before ya-"

Her brother Big Mac tapped her on the shoulder. "I think your guest is looking for something in the barn."

Applejack looked around. As her siblings had appeared, apparently Dan had vanished. She spied the door to the barn open and the supplies Dan had been carrying nearby.

"Big Mac, can you try and keep Granny and Applebloom from hurting themselves while I check on Dan?"

Her brother turned his stone-faced glance to the top of the robot. "Eeyup," he replied in his traditional tone.

The orange mare galloped to the smaller barn. More of an auxiliary storage shed, mostly Applebloom and her friends used it to work on various projects and once to build a parade float. Recently, the Apple family had been using it to keep tools or extra equipment they weren't using, so why would Dan be in there?

She opened the door to the barn. "Dan?"

"Where do you keep the dynamite?" his voice came back.

"Dynamite?" Stepping inside, Applejack saw Dan hunched over a workbench creating something with the tools on the rack above it.

"Explosives, blasting powder, things that go boom," Dan explained, back to her as she approached.

"Dan, we can't go blowin' that monstrosity up just cause we don't agree with it."

"I'm not going to blow up the robot," Dan explained. "The dynamite's for Fim and Flam."

"Dan," AJ sighed heavily. "Ya can't just try to blow them up because they tried to sell ya something!"

Dan stared blankly at Applejack. "Yes I can."

An crash from outside drew Applejack's attention. She quickly opened the bar door again to see the Flim Flam Gear swing a wrecking ball into the side of the house.

"Okay, we know what that definitely does!" Applebloom's voice said over the intercom.

"What in tarnation are they- HEY!" AJ yelled. The wrecking ball swung again, this time hitting the roof of the house. She ran over to the vase-shaped invention. "GRANNY! APPLEBLOOM!" she started kicking the machine. "Y'ALL GET OUTTA THERE RIGHT NOW!"

"Wait yer turn!" Granny's voice shouted back over the mechanical speaker. "We're renovating the house!"

"The house didn't need renovations!" AJ yelled. "AND THAT WAS MY ROOM!"

Across the yard, the door to the barn slammed open. Out stepped Dan holding Granny Smith's cane in both hands. Except the walking stick had been wrapped in steel from one of Applebloom's loopty-hoops and two horseshoes had been bolted to the end. The extension device now featured a compressed spring and when Dan hit the button on the bottom, it extended. This made the device both easy to use as a weapon and for hooking onto something in the distance, like a makeshift grappling hook only designed more for punishment.

Dan examined his new combo weapon. The pain crane would have to do the job. At least until he found a flashlight and some random jewelry.

"Dan, what's that? What did you just do to Granny's cane?"

"Upgraded it," Dan replied. He then began walking in the direction of the Everfree Forest, the way Flim and Flam had been heading.

The orange mare couldn't let him go through with this. "Just what is it you're planning on doing?"

Dan looked over his shoulder at her. "I'm going to super-smash those brothers!"

"Dan..." she sighed heavily again. She didn't know who it was harder getting through to; Dan or her family.

"I'm not letting them get away with this!" Dan shouted. "They haven't done anything yet... but they're up to something. I know it!"

"I know and I agree," the southern belle informed him. "Look, I don't know what those two are scheming this time but you can't just try to beat it out of 'em."

"So what do you expect me to do?!" Dan demanded.

Another crash reminded her of the commotion behind them. "Just try to find out what they're up to discreetly. Follow 'em, find out where they're making all these crazy gadgets and what they're planning on doing. Then we can find a way to stop it."

"And if we're wrong and they're just giving away free trials of giant robots for the hay of it?" Dan inquired.

"Then it's gonna be a long week," AJ replied. The sound of a portion of the house collapsing ended her sentence. "I'll try to help Big Mac make sure those two don't destroy everything while you're gone."

"I'd hope not!" Dan shouted as he headed out for the Everfree. "I'll need something to drop on Flim and Flam when I get back here!"

---

While the vastness of the Everfree Forest was treacherous and untamed, there were paths cut into the underbrush that were well-traveled and safer. Fortunately for Dan, the two salesponies he was tracking had taken one of the more frequented routes to wherever they were going next. Unfortunately for him, this did nothing to help the insects, which were swarming in the heat of the day.

Bugs, mosquitos and various pests were equally annoying on Earth as in Equestria. Dan smacked the back of his neck as the tell-tale signs of irritation plagued his pale skin. He scowled; now he was eager to accelerate his pursuit of vengeance in order to depart the forest before he was eaten alive.

An expert tracker, Dan was not but Flim and Flam were doing nothing to conceal their trail. The human was easily able to follow the pairs of hoofprints in the soft ground. He questioned whether or not they were Flim and Flam's hooves at first but then saw that each imprint had a small logo underneath: Property of Flim Flam Bros. LLC. The trademark was still fresh; Dan was getting closer. The air smelled of rip-off as he continued through the canopied woods.

Questions plagued Dan as he pursued the traders. What were they planning on doing with phony Magic Gears? Why were they selling them to everypony? And more complicated nagging questions like how were they even making them and where did they get the idea in the first place?

The path he was on lead to several clearings along its way; often-used camp sites for travelers and hikers. Dan followed the tracks through a couple clearings expecting to find them behind any one of them. But as he followed them, suddenly he noticed something different. As if they appeared from nowhere, Dan found himself mysteriously following three sets of tracks. Unlike the other set, the new tracks that followed alongside didn't have trademarks underneath them. What concerned Dan the most however, was that the new hoofprints were fewer.

Whatever made these tracks walked upright.

Dan continued following the path for several minutes, eventually getting closer to the brothers. He went through another clearing before noticing the hoofprints veered away from the trail and into the jungle. Or so it seemed. He followed the new tracks through the thicker foliage using his augmented cane to hack away low-hanging vines, ferns and branches.

Not far from the main path, he arrived at a place where the trees were tighter together, a cluster. Dan pushed his way through the trees to come face to face with a box.

Another box, identical to the crate Granny Smith pried open back at the farm only minutes ago. To either side of it were more crates, several of them. Dan squeezed his way in between two of them to get further into the clearing.

"...production. It doesn't matter where you go next, just make sure that each is delivered within the schedule," a voice said. It was one Dan didn't recognize so he had to guess it must've belonged to the mysterious third party.

"You are following the schematics to the design specified, aren't you?" the voice asked.

"Of course," Flam's voice responded. Dan sidestepped between the boxes and finally he was able to peer into the middle of the clearing.

More boxes lined the other side, their sides open and empty. A pair of round tents occupied the center along with hoofcarts and several workbenches. This must've been where the brothers were crafting their machines. Creeping to the edge of the box, Dan finally saw Flim, Flam and another stallion. The two brothers stood on all fours but this third stallion, a brown earth pony in a lab coat stood upright. His back was turned to the pair and some kind of shimmering blue aura surrounded him.

"We could amp up production however, if to say, perhaps, your company provided materials," the other brother suggested.

The third pony spun around. "Have I not TOLD you both ALREADY that MY organization CANNOT be involved?!"

The brothers recoiled a tad at the stallion's rage. "Um, you may have mentioned it."

"Ughhh," the stranger sighed. "Gentlecolts, this is not about FIST; this is about you, the Flim Flam Brothers!" He smiled, the blue aura around him shook slightly.

Dan's eyebrows rose as he watched the pony gesture at the other two with... hands. Some kind of gauntlets, a pair of metal gloves were attached to his brown hooves. He'd seen ponies stand up before, even shake hooves but metallic hands? What exactly did this mean?

"Well... we appreciate your support!" Flim replied.

"And we were wondering," Flam held his brother's shoulders, "if our partnership is successful, perhaps a position for the two of us within FIST?"

The lab coated- stallion scratched his chin with a metal hand. His eyes scanned not the area around them but Flim and Flam themselves. "I don't see why not. If you're successful at getting all of the Gears, and I do mean ALL of them, to the specified locations and installed, you can consider your own business a part of Future Integration Stable-Tec."

Flim and Flam beamed at the announcement. "Thank you, thank you! We assure you, you won't regret the decision, Mr. Vice Grip!"

"We'll be the best Overstallions you ever had!"

Vice chuckled. "Certainly, gentlecolts, certainly, now make sure that each of the Magic Gears is delivered to the areas I've specified. This is for the future of Equestria," he swept with a clenched glove. "A safer, more secure future for all of us."

"Absolutely!" the brothers happily agreed. "Flim and Flam are more than happy to be a part of Equestria's future."

Stepping back, Vice clasped his hands in front of him. "I'll contact you in a week when we're ready and assign you your Stable. I look forward to seeing you both in person."

The brothers bowed. "We look forward to seeing you too, sir." The image of Vice Grip flickered and faded. It had been a hologram of some sort.

Flam smiled. "Looking forward to seeing more of your bits, too." The twins laughed together and then turned around. Dan scrambled back through the boxes as the two approached the one he was next to. The crate glowed green and began to rotate, threatening to squash the human as he dashed past. Just as the container fully turned around, he edged through the narrow space, sidestepping through the other side.

"Good thing he didn't check on us now or he would've seen this," Flim remarked. The side of the box opposite Dan opened, the two brothers peering inside.

Dan grabbed his knees and panted, pressing his back against the other side of the box and trying to keep quiet; more to hear what was said than to not give away his position.

"I don't know, dear brother, perhaps our employer would've been thrilled by our modifications," Flam replied.

"Ehh, perhaps..." the other said. There was then a pause between them, like the two were silently considering the possibility.

"Then again, what Vice Grip doesn't know won't hurt him," Flam finally said.

"Or us," Dan heard Flim agree. "Besides, it's only natural to take the most efficient course of action anyway."

"Indeed," Flam said. "And I'm sure that Twilike Spockle's friends and Sweet Raffle Acres will enjoy our... adjustments, as well."

Did somepony say "raffle?"

Shut up, Michael.

"They'll be in for a big surprise!" The two chuckled again. "Can't wait to see the look on their faces!" After another moment, Dan heard the lid on the other side of the crate slide shut and the sound of hoofsteps walking away.

Dan exhaled again. He knew it! Flim and Flam were up to something, some kind of secret mechanism on those mechanical contraptions that they didn't tell Twilight and the others about! But what? And what kind of surprise were they in for?

Reaching into his pocket, Dan retrieved his cell phone. He had to warn Twilight and the others before Flim and Flam got back to them. He ran through his list of contacts: alphabetically, Chrys and Fluffle were at the top, he scrolled down to Twilight, just under Spike. His fingers couldn't press the touchscreen fast enough as he dialed her number. He held the phone to his ear and waited.

And waited. Aaaaaand waited.

The dial tone stopped. Dan looked at the phone's screen.

"Half a bar?! FAN-BUCKING-TASTIC! That just makes ALL the sense in the world and it's one-hundred percent non!" In a rage, Dan chucked the malfunctioning phone into the bushes. Really though, there was nothing wrong with the phone; areas high in magical density, like the Everfree Forest, often were plagued by poor signal reception. Except for holograms, which were a bit more sophisticated devices, not that Dan was aware or cared about that bit of trivia.

Rage dissipating, Dan's thoughts turned to alternatives. He could beat the brothers back to Twilight's but were they going there or somewhere else? No, the safest thing and probably the most satisfying thing would be instead of beating them to where they were going, just beating them. He unhooked the cane from behind his back and gripped the club menacingly.

Dan peered through the space between the boxes again. The two brothers were still departing the clearing, pulling a cart with another crate on it. As Dan stepped through the space, he noticed a label high on the crate:

FFG-mk 1 c. 725
Las Pegasus

Turning around, the other crate had a similar label:

FFG-mk 1b c. 898
Canterlantis

There had to be dozens of crates in the clearing and it seemed they were easy to manufacture. Which also probably meant they were cheap. Judging from the markings and the conversation earlier, Dan deduced that Flim and Flam were going to stick these things all over Equestria. But why?

"Canter-lantis?" Applebloom read the label. "Where d'ya suppose that is?"

"If I had to guess, probably the bottom of the- hey, Applebloom?!" Dan practically jumped when he finally noticed the filly standing next to him.

"Hiya, Dan!" she greeted him.

"What are you doing here?! How did you even get here?!" Dan demanded.

"I followed your footprints," she answered.

"No," Dan facepalmed, "I mean, how did you find this place? The trail ends back at the camp site," he explained.

"It does," the earth filly admitted, "but I actually knew about this place already."

Dan felt his jaw clench. "How?"

She pulled out a pamphlet from behind her. "It's in the brochure for the Flim Flam Gear they sold us."

The biped snatched the brochure. In fact, the area they were standing in was listed as one of three "convenient locations". Dan could've simply followed the enclosed map to reach them and avoid having to track the two salesponies entirely. The paper crumpled at the sides in his grip and he handed it back to the young mare.

The filly received it and then pulled out something else. "Also, I think this is your phone."

Dan closed his eyes, tension building. Even if she was trying to be helpful, Dan didn't enjoy being reminded of his frustration. Silently, he accepted his phone from her, thanked that it was undamaged despite his roughness, and pocketed it. "Thank you, Applebloom," he told her, a thin tone of calm holding back a tidal wave of rage. "You can go back to the farm now. I'm going to go ask Flim and Flam about their offer."

"What offer?" Applebloom asked innocently.

"Well," Dan explained, "if they don't offer to tell me everything they know right away, I'm going to offer them a choice of which crate they'd like to be stuffed into."

Applebloom frowned in discomfort. "That doesn't sound nice."

Dan knelt slightly and put a hand on Applebloom's mane. "Oh, believe me," he smiled a sinister grin. "It's an offer they can't refuse."

Her eyes looked back at him, concerned but supportive. "Well, you need any help?"

The human stood and thought about it for a moment. "You know, I think you can. Let me see that brochure again."

"Okay!" she hooved it back to him.

Dan unfolded the pamphlet and looked at the map. The trail they were on led to several different places. If Flim and Flam were heading back to Ponyville, it would be easy to intercept them at key points along the path. And with Applebloom's help, Dan thought of just how he was going to do that. "Let's go give the Flim Flam Brothers the deal of their lives."

---

"Ahh," Flim let out a relaxed sigh. "Nothing like an honest day's work, eh brother?"

"Nothing quite like it indeed," Flam agreed as the pair pulled the cart. "Precisely why we prefer the alternative!" Laughter ensued.

Dan approached the two from the side of the path. He took a moment to adjust his bowtie and fake moustache and then walked over to them from around the bend with package in hand. It was a small box wrapped in brown paper with the intended recipient's names on the top: The Flim Flam Brothers. Inside it, however, was a small explosive charge designed for removing tree stumps. Now, Dan was planning on using it to remove Flim and Flam.

"Got a package for Flim and Flam!" Dan announced to the two.

"Package?" the pair looked at each other. "I don't believe we ordered any package. Especially not to be delivered to us in the middle of the forest."

"Well, I have a package right here addressed to Flim and Flam," the disguised Dan said, handing them the brown box. "

Flam levitated it over to his brother and the two examined the parcel. "It does seem to be for us. But who's it from?"

"Umm," Dan didn't have an answer for that. His plan hadn't involved this small detail, a clear and critical oversight. "It's uh, it's to you! Obviously. It's got both your names right on it!"

"Yes," Flim agreed, "But what's the return address? Who's the package from?"

"I, uh..." Dan felt beads of sweat trickle down his neck as he tugged his collar.

"Ah," Flam tapped the top of the box. "It says Flim Flam Brothers right on it. That must be who it's from."

"Uh, well, I..." Dan continued to stammer, confused.

"Obviously, this package is for you," Flim said, hooving the box to Dan.

"But-but I didn't order a package," Dan protested.

"But you did receive it, didn't you?" Flam asked.

"Well, yes..." Dan admitted.

"And it's got our names on it. So clearly, this is a package from the Flim Flam Bros. to you!"

"Oh... all right. That makes sense... I guess," Dan took the package, now himself, skeptical.

Flim held out his hoof. "That'll be twenty-five bits, sir."

"What?! Oh fine, lousy shipping fees..." he reached into his pocket and gave the salespony a pair of bills. "Cash on deliver. More like 'scam on delivery'."

"Thank you very much, sir," Flim said, pocketing the money.

"We appreciate you choosing Flim Flam Telegrams!" The two brothers walked past him, pulling the cart.

Confused, Dan examined the package he momentarily forgot was intended for Flim and Flam.

"Uh... Dan?" Applebloom asked from behind a bush.

"Not now, Applebloom, I want to see what Flim and Flam sent me. It's probably important," Dan began removing the box's wrapping. "It could give us some kind of idea what they're up to. A clue, or another scam, or a-"

"Dan, wait!" she tried to stop him. But it was too late.

Dan ripped off the top of the wrapping paper. "Got it!" he announced.

Applebloom wasn't sure whether the realization or the force of the explosion hit Dan first. It might've been both simultaneously. The small box erupted into flames and small bits of packing paper.

"Dan? Are you all right?" Applebloom asked. When the smoke cleared, Dan's face and arms were completely blackened, his hair was blasted out at random angles, his shirt was torn and burnt and trails of smoke rose from him. His fake moustache, singed and burned at both ends, slowly detached from under his nose and floated to the ground like an ember.

At first, Dan's expression was still one of pure shock. Then, as the disbelief faded, the fact that he'd been duped began to boil in his mind. His skin immediately turned red, hotter and redder than the explosion that had only moments ago engulfed him. The ash faded from his face and arms, his hair returned to its traditional style, the fingers still clutching the pieces of the boxes released them only briefly to better form fists before he threw both arms skyward and shouted to the heavens:

"FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!!!!"

A challenging call that challenged even the noise from the explosion he'd subjected himself to, the time for retaliation had come.

"Dan, shhh!!" the young filly shushed him. "You want 'em to hear us?"

"What I want," Dan turned to his accomplice, "is to hear both of them scream for their lives! How was it they even DID THAT?"

Applebloom rubbed the back of her neck. "Well, you did open the box. I guess you could say that plan kinda blew up in your face," she giggled.

"Gnrrrrrrrrrrr," Dan growled, unamused. "All right, so we know they screen their mail. Now, we go to plan B."

"What's 'plan b'?" Applebloom asked, curious. She had no reason to be nervous; after all, it was Dan who'd gotten exploded.

The diabolical biped grinned a sinister smile. "Plan B- as in, 'bait'".

And that made Applebloom swallow.

Transitioning to the next scene, partially because we're over budget and partially because this is a cartoon, Flim and Flam continued their trek to Ponyville. If they had been aware that it was Dan that had tried to sabotage them only minutes ago, they wouldn't have cared. His ploy had been so obvious and so simple to reverse that they had practically completely forgotten about the event, merrily pulling the cart with carefree smiles.

Dan watched the two approach 'Plan B' through a pair of binoculars he just conveniently happened to have with him. Applebloom watched along with him as the pair entered another clearing, one frequently used as a camp site. The pair still pulled the box on the cart behind them, occasionally the large crate grazed the taller branches of some trees. Dan gritted his teeth; they would find out what they were up to soon enough.

Flim and Flam noticed the crate the moment they entered the camp site. What was strange about the box was that it was positioned at an odd angle, propped on its side by a stick holding it up. If this was somepony's idea of shelter, clearly they were either lacking in experience, materials or both.

Ah! But what was that underneath the box? The two brothers spied a small pile of brownish coins just beneath the crate. A tempting prize for anypony but for Flim and Flam? Clearly, this was an opportunity too good to pass up. Just as it was clear to both of the brothers as they grinned at each other that this was another trap.

"Brother, do those appear to be bits under that crate?" Flim asked as the two came closer.

"Why, I do believe they are, brother," Flam answered, sounding only too casual.

Flim and Flam unhitched themselves from their cart and walked over to the other oddly-placed box. "What fortune has smiled upon us for we to find these bits just lying here? Out in the open? With no indication of obvious trickery in sight?"

From the bushes nearby, Dan's smile grew wider. They were buying it! This was it...

"It's a sure sign of our good karma, brother," Flam declared. "A reward for all our deeds."

"That it is," Flim agreed, and the two walked underneath the wooden canopy, taking care not to jar the stick holding it on its side.

As soon as Flam knelt to pick up the small coins, Applebloom's allowance, the human yanked the string attached to the box. The string jerked the stick and the corner of the box closed over the two unicorns, covering them.

"Ah HA!" Dan shouted. He leapt from the bushes and dashed over to his victims. In a single jump, he pounced on top of the box, using his own weight so they wouldn't be able to lift it. "HA! Ha ha ha ha ha HA!" he cackled a series of taunting, in-your-face laughs. "You're both mine now! And you're not going anywhere until you tell me why you're-"*WOMP*.

Applebloom poked her head out from the hedge, puzzled. She didn't know where it came from, but somehow, another, larger box had fallen on top of Dan, trapping him underneath it. The crate began shaking as an enraged Dan tried to remove the new crate.

And that's when Flim and Flam appeared from the side. "We appreciate your kind donation, sir," Flam said, kicking the box with a hoof.

"And for taking an interest in our shipping crates, we thought you'd like to take a closer look at the larger size one!" Flim said. A muffled scream echoed from the wooden container as Dan discovered he'd been tricked again. The two brothers laughed, flipped bits in their hooves and walked away along with their cart. "Good thing we brought a spare box, eh brother?"

"Couldn't agree more, myself!" the pair laughed as they walked away.

Leveraging her back underneath the side of the box, the two pushed it off of the hapless hominid. "All right, then," Dan said, standing atop his own crate, "we know they're resourceful now."

"And?" Applebloom protested, "That doesn't tell us anything useful. This is the second time they've switched things around on you..." she said, concern in her tone.

"It's all an important learning experience," Dan assured her. "We've tried to trick them by giving them something in order to gain the advantage but what we NEED to do is make them come to us!"

Applebloom raised an eyebrow. "Which means what?"

"Which means Plan C," Dan replied, determined. The filly let out an exhausted moan and followed her compatriot back to the drawing board.

Travelers of the Everfree Forest knew to expect anything when walking through the dense woods. Dangers lurked in the underbrush from poisonous plants and animals to predatory beasts and even crap leftover from the previous generations of MLP that Hasbro couldn't find room for but couldn't get rid of. Also a bunch of Space Pirates and creatures from Metroid, including Metroids. Hell, they needed somewhere to go after Other M.

But what Flim and Flam didn't expect to see was actually in the path in front of them: a tunnel. Carved into a rock face that mysteriously materialized ahead of them, it wasn't on the map they'd been following but now appeared to be the only way to continue on their path. A yellow sign out front had the word DETOUR painted on it in black letters.

The two brothers eyed each other skeptically before pulling their cart inside.

---

The 'mountainside tunnel' had in fact been created by Dan roughly thirty minutes after his last trap's spectacular failure. One of his more ingenious innovations, what appeared to be a corridor through the side of a rock wall was a paper mache mockup, painted gray and layered on top of a wooden frame. The tunnel itself was just a long tube made from a portion of the set leftover from Episode 4. Where it led, however, was another thing entirely.

Inside the tunnel, the tube ran right over a large hole in the ground, at the bottom of which was about five tub's worth of Jelly Stallion's jelly. Dan had originally wanted to use spikes for the trap but Apple Bloom had wisely encouraged him to go with a less-violent substitute. Jelly Stallion himself was happy to donate the jelly; he had lost a great deal of interest in the substance since discovering fruit-somewhere-in-it yogurt.

The devious human cupped his hand over his ear, listening for his targets at the other end of the darkened tunnel. His filly accomplice listened with him, both eager to hear the telltale sound of salesponies falling into a pit of jam.

Hoofsteps echoed down the corridor. "I can hear them coming!" Dan said. The clip clop sounds grew louder as Flim and Flam approached.

"Uh, Dan?" the filly asked.

"What is it?" Dan said quickly.

"Shouldn't we have heard them, I don't know, fall by now?"

"Quiet!" Dan shushed her, listening again. "Those two are almost here!"

The hoofsteps grew louder, louder still. Dan waited eagerly, the anticipation almost reaching threshold inside of him.

"Afternoon, Dan! Afternoon, Apple Bloom!" the brothers said simultaneously as they exited the tunnel.

"Hey guys, how's it going," Dan quickly replied, not paying attention as both of them walked right by him.

Apple Bloom watched as the stallions passed them, pulling the cart still behind them. She then turned to Dan, still waiting for their clearly-failed trap to be sprung. "Dan?" she turned back to her friend.

"QUIET!" he yelled. Dan continued to listen.

She tapped him on the leg. "Dan?"

He spun around and yelled at her. "WHAT?!"

Unphased, Apple Bloom pointed to the departing brothers. The salesponies chuckled as they continued on the trail, pulling the cart behind them.

Dan's eyelid twitched, his skin seeming to shake. His hands raised up in front of him, outstretched as if to strangle the scammers from a distance. "How... HOW DID THEY DO THAT?" he demanded.

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Maybe they walked around it."

"THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!" Dan screamed. "THERE'S NO WAY THEY COULD'VE GOTTEN PAST THE PIT!" He turned around and charged into the tunnel.

"Dan!" the filly reached out to stop him, again, too late. "I don't think that's such a good-"

"EAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" a scream echoed from the tunnel. The trap had finally been sprung.

Carefully, Apple Bloom entered the corridor herself to help Dan. Only light from either end illuminated the inside, ensuring that whoever entered wouldn't notice the missing floor in the center. Including Dan. And as the young filly approached, it was obvious how Flim and Flam had evaded it. She peered over the hole into the jelly pit below. "Are you all right, Dan?"

"Glrrblrallrbrlllrrlrlrlrlrlrb..." Angry bubbles broke the surface of the substance conveying Dan's rage from beneath the fruity pool. He lay face down in the jam, body unwilling to accept being foiled a third time.

Apple Bloom examined the tube. On the sides of the trap she saw the logos of each of their horseshoes. From inside of the tunnel, the two brothers had simply walked around the hole. On the walls themselves. The cart's wheels had been wide enough dodge the gap all together. "Looks like they noticed the pit, Dan."

Dan picked his head up. "Yeah, me too."

"So what do we-"

"Plan D. Cut to the next scene, please."

---

"Sure seems like we've been walking through this forest for quite some time, doesn't it?" Flim asked.

"I must agree, brother," Flam said. "Seems like we should've been out of the Everfree Forest some time ago."

"Maybe we got lost?" Flim suggested.

"Or maybe the writer's just trying to pad out the episode." The two brothers took a moment to turn to the camera and frown at the author before continuing onward. No tunnels or detours currently ahead of them, they proceeded along the wide path through the woods. The trail remained unbroken for a good distance, the cart containing the Flim Flam Gear still rolling behind them.

"Haven't noticed any 'inconveniences' in quite a while, brother," Flam said, looking around.

"Indeed, our travels appear to have gotten smoother," Flim said. Unbeknownst to both of them, however, they were being watched. Through several multi-phased filters, including biometric, infrared and thermal.

Perched from a tree branch perpendicular to the path were Dan and Apple Bloom. For no reason other than to make yet another obscure movie reference, the pair were wearing those masks from Predator which, to be honest, looked pretty cool on Dan and even Apple Bloom looked cute in hers. We even got that sound effect they use for when they're watching and they're invisible. It's pretty cool.

"They're getting closer," Dan said, watching the sales stallions.

"What?" Apple Bloom asked.

"I said; THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER!"

The filly removed her mask. "Dan, are these things really helping?"

Dan took off his own piece of vintage movie merchandise. "I guess not." They both discarded the masks. Dan then picked up a monocular and peered through it. "They're almost in position, get ready."

Flim and Flam continued walking along the trail until they spied something glinting in the middle of it.

"Why, look brother! A coin!" Flim announced.

"Ah, good fortune strikes us again!" Flam said. The two approached the coin lying right in front of them.

"NOW!" Dan shouted.

The brothers got close to the coin.

"Wait!" Flim held his hoof to stop his brother. "That coin's lying face down." Just as the first salespony stopped the other, an enormous boulder attached to a rope swung right by where they would have stood if they'd knelt to pick it up.

"You're correct, brother," Flam agreed. "Would be a shame to spoil our good luck by trying to pick up a coin lying face down." Their attention diverted to each other in conversation, neither of them noticed as the boulder swung back in front of them.

Dan grumbled in the tree. "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" he yelled. "What is it gonna take for me to crush those two?"

"Uh, Dan?"

"AM I GONNA SMASH ANYTHING TODAY?!"

"You might wanna move..." Apple Bloom said, jumping down from the tree as she did.

"WHY?!" Dan had time to ask that question and then turn around before the boulder, attached from a higher branch, swung like a pendulum back to the point it had been released from and into his face. He found himself crushed to the side of the stone, limbs spread out as it swung back across the path again. Gravity taking hold, he fell off the side and landed in the middle of the trail.

Flim and Flam had already departed, oblivious to Dan's trap. The smashed human had the chance to pick up his head and watch them
leave before he noticed the coin he'd left as bait lying in front of him. Reaching a hand out, he picked it up, held it in front of him and smiled.

And that's when the boulder detached and smashed him into the ground. It sounded a lot like a Thwomp when it hit him.

Apple Bloom, using leverage, removed the boulder from Dan's back. "You all right, Dan?" she asked innocently.

Dan's face rose off the ground, coin imprinted in his forehead. "It must just be my luck."

"You know Dan," Apple Bloom started to suggest, "I think we might wanna just try talking to them and askin' them what they're up to."

"That. Will. Never. Work," the biped said flatly.

The filly shrugged. "We could at least try it."

Dan scrambled to his feet. "Not just yet. I have one more plan I want to try first."

Apple Bloom groaned. "What is it this time?"

"Something that can't POSSIBLY fail!"

11 minutes later...

Apple Bloom stood over the hole, looking at Dan face down in goo again. "How did you get stuck in jelly again?"

Covered in jelly, Dan lifted his head up. "I... don't.... know..."

"Can we try asking them now?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Yes... yes, let's do that," Dan agreed.

---

Northern Equestria, Prosperity Mountains
Crystal Imperial/Zebra Nation Borderlands, Restricted Area
Unauthorized Underground Structure 'Stable 5', Level 4 Administration

Until last week, Lightning Claw hadn't known what a 'stable' was, not in the sense of the one he was in now. Given the nature of the organization he was a part of, he understood the need for such secrecy but he still found himself curious. He didn't know much about F.I.S.T- Future Integrations Stable-Tec or the ponies in charge, for that matter but he did know that despite their nature, they were deeply invested in Equestria's future. And it was a future Lightning Claw meant to be a part of.

Other ponies, other creatures for that matter, none of them seemed to care about the future of their world. When two sisters literally controlled day and night, it was hard not to take things day by day. But too many did so at the expense of the future, getting stuck in their ways to the point they didn't seem to care about tomorrow, in Lighting Claw's opinion, anyway. The indigo-and-pink Pegasus had tried to do just that; improve things for the future. Because of this, his life had been ruined.

Lightning Claw had attempted to solve the 'rogue storm problem' that plagued Cloudsdale's weather service for so long. Pegasi controlled the weather but occasionally, a storm got loose and it could wreak havoc when it happened. Rogue storms caused property damage and could even become larger, more dangerous disasters to Equestria. When a storm did go rogue, pegasi had to hunt it down and wrangle it, requiring more pegasi to do so the larger the storm. If they could only use magic, a single Pegasus could stop a rogue storm before it got out of hoof. Lightning Claw had tried to make himself that Pegasus and failed miserably.

Alicorns had both wings and magic, some of the most powerful ponies in Equestria. Surely if any pony could stop a rogue storm, it would be a pony that could use magic and fly. Lightning Claw had attempted to give himself that power, make himself an alicorn. In that regard, he had succeeded. It had only cost him a good portion of his sanity.

Working in one of Cloudsdale's weather experimentation laboratories, Lightning Claw combined zebra potions with rainbow-making technology to allow him to harness the natural and supernatural. The resulting concoction gifted him with a horn and the ability to control and even produce weather effects, storms and clouds of all kinds. Unfortunately, his newfound abilities quickly became something he couldn't control and he unintentionally created a rogue storm that devastated half of Cloudsdale before it was stopped. By the Wonderbolts, of all ponies.

Even know, thinking about the Wonderbolts made Lightning Claw angry. Those showoffs had stopped his storm right when he was about to get it under control. Their intervention caused the storm to backfire and blast him, nearly electrocuting him in the process. He fell like a stone to the surface of Equestria, unconscious. When he woke up, he found himself with two broken wings, three broken legs and one broken horn. The hospital had been able to fix five of those things.

Upon returning to Cloudsdale, Lightning Claw found himself banned from the weather service. For trying to help, to do the right thing, he had been fired. To make matters worse, the broken-off horn that adorned his head gave him an off-putting appearance. He had been unable to find more work and soon after, his marefriend Lightning Dust had broken up with him. She claimed that she herself had just learned a lesson about the "reckless endangerment of others" but Lightning Claw didn't see how what happened at the Wonderbolt Academy related to his disaster at the Weather Labs. He had been trying to help other ponies but nopony, not even his marefriend, seemed to understand that.

But Vice Grip did, or so he claimed.

"I could fix that horn, if you wanted," Vice Grip offered as the two walked side-by-side through Stable 5.

Lightning Claw didn't want the horn fixed; it was a reminder to him, a reminder of the price of failure. He said nothing back.

Vice continued. "I could repair it, replace it, or remove it all together if you-"

"No," Claw refused.

"Fine, fine," Vice responded, calm as ever. "You still taking the medication?"

Claw paused before answering. "Yes."

"Good, good. Keep taking it and it should keep the pain from coming back." Vice Grip led him to a door marked Overstallion's Office at the end of the hallway. Next to it was another door with the word DIRECTOR on it. From the appearance of both doors, they looked as though they were new.

Using the gauntlets over his hooves, Vice keyed in a sequence at the terminal beside the door. It shuddered but didn't open. He keyed the sequence again, tapping faster and the door didn't budge an inch. Frustrated, the bipedal stallion reached out to pry the sliding entrance open when Lightning Claw beat him to it.

Lightning Claw's horn glowed a sickly violet and blue, the door resounded with the same color. It shook and then raised, sliding into the slot in the wall above it.

"Impressive," Vice said. "Most impressive."

The indigo stallion released the door, strained by the exertion. Despite his broken horn, he still retained a small amount of magic. Enough to perform menial tasks but nothing major. For some reason though, Vice was still interested in it. "I... thought you hated magic."

"Haha," Vice chuckled. "Hate magic? Whatever gave you that idea?" he asked as the two entered his office.

"You hate alicorns, unicorns," Claw reminded him. He knew he did; their entire operation, what they were planning, the point of the Magic Gears! All of this to wipe everything with a horn off the face of Equestria, how could he NOT hate them?!

"Ah, the arcanists. Those are magic-users, not magic itself," Vice pointed out, taking a seat behind his desk. Lightning took the chair in front though he wasn't as accustomed to bipedalism as Vice Grip was. The Overstallion's Office looked more like a principle's office, something you'd see in a school rather than in a bunker. There was a green chalkboard on the wall behind Vice full of figures and numbers, things that seemed to be in a language of their own. On Vice's desk were several papers, an electronic intercom system and a small globe. But the world the globe displayed didn't appear to be Equestria.

Also, for some reason, there was a Galaga arcade machine in the right-hoof corner of the room. Curiously, it looked as though it had recently been played as it was on before Vice and Lightning entered the room.

Supposedly, Stable 5 was one of a network of a hundred such shelters built throughout Equestria. They were each equipped with everything two-thousand ponies would need to ride out Armageddon. Not that Vice or Lightning were planning on an apocalypse, not exactly. Just something new, something better. A leveling of the playing field.

"But you do hate them, don't you?" Lightning pressed.

The brown stallion ran his metal fingers over the desk in a rapping motion. Despite the fact the limbs were artificial and he didn't really feel anything, Vice often demonstrated casual displays of dexterity or made gestures. More advanced, he called it, but most others found it unnecessary and flamboyant. "Hate is a strong word. What we're doing, we're doing to level the playing field, so to speak."

"That part I understand," Claw said. He himself did hate magic, mostly. He hated any pony that could make a difference just sit on their haunches and do nothing. If Celestia, Luna and even Cadence had this much power, why did they let disasters like renegade weather happen? Why was it the pegasi's responsibility to contain storms? Cloudsdale needed an alicorn prince... or at least, that's what he had thought. Now, he was convinced what the whole world needed was a fresh start, the second chance he never got.

"Magic is necessary," Vice kicked his boots up on the desk. "How it's harnessed though, I think we both agree, can be done better. That's what we're trying to do, what F.I.S.T is trying to do. Make the world a better place."

"And I'm going to be a part of that?" Lightning asked.

Vice smiled for a second, holding a somewhat sly grin on him. "Of course. Once the Gears take care of the arcanists, Cloudsdale will be yours to control. The skies will be yours," he assured him as he had before.

The thought of controlling the skies, finally reigning in the weather, that was his goal. He looked away as if he could see it, his own Cloudsdale. Things the way they should be. "How long until we're ready?"

The lab coated stallion casually looked at the wrist of his gauntlet as if checking a watch. "The selected groups should be receiving their letters already with the specified arrival times enclosed. We have to space things out so ponies don't get suspicious but it won't be long before the... festivities get started. As soon as our delivery boys have finished up, we can start phase two."

Lightning Claw nodded. Everything they'd been planning for was slowly coming together piece by piece. He just had to keep playing his role. But his wasn't the only role. "Are you sure you can trust Flim and Flam?"

Vice grinned again. "Greed is easily manipulated, as are fear and other emotions." Claw didn't notice as he cast a quick glance in his direction. "But I didn't call you here to discuss Equestria, more rather, our guests from Earth."

"Is this about Dan? Or the other one?"

Vice leaned forward and clasped his hands. "Cross-Eye's doing his best to deal with Wright but I'm not that worried about the lawyer at this point. I want you to go retrieve Dan."

Lightning rose an eyebrow. What did he mean by retrieve? "I thought the Director instructed that Dan wasn't to be bothered."

Vice waved away the suggestion. "He's bothering us, Lightning. We've lost Shifty and the Mk-1 prototype, in the same night for that matter. I don't enjoy upsetting the director but the fact is, Dan's becoming a nuisance. According to our surveillance," he switched on a monitor attached to the wall. An overhead image appeared of Dan standing at the end of a tunnel, listening for something alongside another pony. Two stallions, Flim and Flam exited pulling a cart behind them, one of the mass produced Magic Gears.

"Ah, he's in the Everfree Forest," Vice remarked.

"He's interfering with Flim and Flam?"

"So you know what the stakes are," Vice swung around. "He's already jeopardized our operation once and now he's disrupting the distribution system. We need to take him out of the equation."

Something didn't sit right with Lightning Claw about his request. There was a lot that didn't sit right with him, so much about this plan. But there was no other way, something told him that. A heavy pain formed just behind his forehead and focused on his horn. Unfortunately, it was louder than the voice screaming it was wrong. "Do you..." Claw fought to find words, fought through the pain. "Do you really think-"

Vice leaned forward, his eyes narrowed. "Go on..." he said in a slightly stern tone.

"Do you really think this is the right thing to do?" Claw swallowed. Slowly, the pain abated. He almost forgot that he'd asked a question in the first place, it seemed to be a moment that happened hours ago.

Vice was quiet for a moment, contemplating. He rapped his digits against each other as he seemed to weigh several options, consider several possibilities at once. "What exactly do you mean?"

"Well, trying to... capture Dan. I mean, couldn't we just distract him somehow?"

The lab coated stallion leaned back. "Are you concerned for your own well-being?"

"Yes," Lightning quickly nodded. "I mean, he took out a Gear. By himself, essentially. What chance do I have of beating him in a fight?"

Vice chuckled. "The Mk. 1 was a prototype and Luna's modifications didn't help its chances. Also, keep in mind that it had been programmed to takedown alicorns, not Dan. In that regard, the Mk. 1 did come close to finishing off Celestia even without most of its defensive weapons."

"He still managed to stop it..." Claw argued.

"You helped me design Magic Gear. It's your own little experiment that first gave me the idea to harness magic using zebra potion."

Lightning looked away. "I know..."

"Do you want me to send you with backup? I can have Ice Pick or Fire Talon ready to assist," Vice reached for the intercom.

"No, I," Claw rose and stopped Vice from calling his 'brothers'. "I'll... I'll take care of it. Alone."

"All right," Vice slowly released the controls. "Once we have our special guest here, we'll see how he stands up to the production model." Things were tense; they were both worked up by what they were trying to accomplish and there was no room for error. It didn't mean one or two didn't crop up now and then.

Claw walked over to the bank of monitors on the left wall. As he watched the display, Dan seemed to run back into the tunnel for some reason. He could barely make out the smaller pony rubbing her face with her hoof before following him. "What do you want me to do about the girl?"

"Bring her in, too," Vice said without hesitation. "I'm still trying to keep Flim and Flam in the dark for... obvious reasons but they're still useful. For now. Deliver all four of them back here."

Lightning turned back to him. "I understand. But... sir," he got up, looked down. "Do you hate all magic-users?"

The gauntleted stallion walked over and put a metal hand on his back. "Lightning... you're not like the other arcanists. You did what you had to do, for the betterment of all. I'm trying to make sure ALL of us can harness magic through practical means. You're helping me with that goal, helping all of us."

Lightning nodded again, solemnly before walking out of the office. What they were doing, they were doing for the good of all Equestria. A new beginning for all of them, a second chance for him. They were doing everything right, couldn't make any mistakes, weren't making any mistakes. Were they?

Vice returned to his chair behind his desk. "And be sure to keep taking your medication."

"Of course," Claw said over his shoulder. "Of course..." Before returning to the elevator and leaving Stable 5, he cast a glance at the door marked DIRECTOR one last time. More than one pair of eyes was on him and he knew that. He had spoken to the director, well, had been in the director's company only once before. He was anything if as talkative as Vice.

But just as the door to the Overstallion's office shuddered and closed shut, the door to the Director's office opened. Lightning gasped, surprised to see some... thing else standing in the doorway.

"Hello," the director said in a pleasant voice. But Lightning suddenly found himself unable to say anything. Before he knew what was happening, he was in the Director's office but there was nowhere for him to sit this time. The door slid shut behind him.

---

"Okay, first we tie them down, then we-"

"No."

"All right, we beat them first, then we tie them down and then-"

"No."

"Well, what then," Dan said to Apple Bloom. "Do you want to beat them first and then tie them down or tie them down, THEN beat them, then interrogate them, then beat them again. Or we could beat them-"

The smaller pony glared at him. "Dan..."

"Hear me out," the human protested. "First we pretend we're asking them a question, then we break their legs, tie them down-"

"Dan," Apple Bloom said with a heavy sigh, "we ain't tying down Flim and Flam."

"But we still get to beat them, right?" Dan brandished his improvised weapon.

The young filly grabbed her head in frustration. "Look, maybe I should go talk to them? Alone?"

"Without me?" Dan asked. They'd almost caught up to the brothers, only a clearing away from them as they neared the end of the trail. "What makes you think you can get them to tell you anything?"

Apple Bloom batted her eyelashes at Dan, blinking a pair of enormous puppy dog eyes. "Om adorable~!"

Dan remained unphased by the display of cuteness. "AND WHAT AM I?!"

She paused. Dan's expression was somewhere between scowl and frown. Scrowln, for lack of a better word. He exuded hateful anger in vibes but it was the kind you sympathized with. That made it almost disarming for ponies so long as they weren't the ones it was being directed at. His visage was nothing short of modern barbarism, borderline berserk, vintage vengeance and that classic carnage-craving crazy that we all know and love. In short, he looked mad. In more ways than one. "Do I have to answer that?"

"Grrrr," Dan growled in frustration. "I'll tell ya what I am!" he reached into his pocket and pulled out a badge. It was a small emblem, a blue star flanked by three things: a quill, an olive branch and a wing. The traditional symbol for the royal guards was just a blue star- this badge was a modified one, more modern. In the center were the words Special Tactics and Logistics Legion. "I'm a royal guard captain! You think Flim and Flam won't pay attention to this?"

The young pony frowned at the badge. "I thought y'all were only Twilight's personal guard?"

"Well," Dan dropped his arm. "That doesn't mean-"

"And don't you have to have her permission to exercise your authority?"

"That-that depends, I mean, I-"

Apple Bloom pressed her face right up to his. "And isn't your jurisdiction really Canterlot? I thought y'all were only supposed to take care of her individual safety and this doesn't really seem like a security risk unless you're supposed to guard against poor judgment which really doesn't-"

"FINE!" Dan gave up. Instantly, the position of Royal Guard Captain felt like Mall Cop. Or more precisely, Library Cop. Once they got the library fixed, anyway. Still, it wasn't a position he was just going to throw away so he pocketed the badge once again. At the very least, his service to Equestria was recognized and he was going to keep it that way. This was for Twilight, for Fluffle Puff and especially for Chrys. Why he added especially to the last part, he didn't know. They were his friends and he would protect them... somehow.

"I think this situation just calls for a gentler touch," Apple Bloom said, respectfully.

Dan folded his arms in frustration. "Whatever. Go deal with those scam artists if you buy something that destroys your farm, don't come crying to me."

"Okay, Dan," the filly said. "You got a good heart. You just need to work on your... social skills."

The young man 'hmmph'd' and shrugged at the pony. "Social skills, right."

"I'm gonna go see if they'll tell me what they're up to. I'll be back as soon as I can!" the filly scampered down the trail after the two stallions.

"Yeah, I'll be right here when it blows up in your face!" Dan called after her. He sat himself down on a nearby log in the clearing, arms still folded. The sun was still high in the sky, getting close to noon. High noon, appropriately enough for what would happen next. Not knowing what else to do, Dan surveyed his surroundings.

The occasional sounds of fauna provided background noise. The forest was alive with activity. So close to Ponyville, most animals that went near the clearings were herbivores, non-violent and non-magical. Once in a while, a bear or some beast would come by the frequented paths making even this camp site dangerous once in a while. But none of these dangers bothered Dan though he had thought of trying to cover Flim and Flam in honey to lure a bear to maul them.

Birds flew overhead. Once in a while, Dan could faintly hear a droning buzz that seemed to be nearby. He swatted his neck almost instinctively.

It actually wasn't far from the spot Dan had literally landed in Equestria on. It didn't seem so long ago; only a year had gone by since Dan had found himself a stranger in a strange land. He had to admit it was better than the alternative. Falling out of a plane, he would've died if he hadn't been transported somehow to Equestria and been caught by Rainbow Dash. Had he ever thanked her for that? Maybe after he was done with Flim and Flam, he'd have to do that.

In fact, Dan had been trying to pay the ponies, all the ponies back since Twilight had let him stay at her library. For Dan, a debt or a favor was just as important as pursuing justice. Getting even, being fair, equality, peace, harmony. Those things mattered to him a lot.

The main difference between ponies in Equestria and humans on Earth was the way their societies worked. Humanity was too often driven to advance through competition whereas ponies achieved more primarily through cooperation. It was a desire to help each other rather than help themselves that propelled them forward and while the difference was subtle and not the subject of every circumstance, it occurred often enough on both worlds over generations to create profound differences that changed the way both developed.

Despite Equestria's somewhat rural appearance, it was almost every bit as technologically advanced as Earth was. But the spread of these advances weren't carried by greed or jealousy; there was just an absence of desire to implement them unless they were needed regardless of whether they made things easier or not. The concept of having something just because another pony had one was foreign in many cases. Everypony is unique and is born that way. Why would they need the same stuff?

This attitude had stopped the spread of cell phones though they were available. Songs still spread fast though each was danced to a different way, even played a different way. Culture still transmitted, knowledge was still shared but traditions were still upheld as were the ways they were carried out. Because of these simple facts, this desire to work together, changes happened at a slower pace on a society level but more rapidly on an individual level. Humans, on the other side, rarely changed on an individual level yet their society jumped in leaps and bounds.

The desire for cooperation, for mutual gain caused ponies to grow with society. Inversely, humanity's desire to help themselves more caused society to grow with them; only when one rose above to create something more, to imagine bigger did it have a major impact. Too often, people just gave up. Ponies didn't and some humans didn't either. Some humans like Dan.

Unfortunately, Equestria's attitude towards cooperation also meant the sharing of problems. Small, individual difficulties often affected the entire community, further slowed things down. Not only that, emphasis on so much uniqueness instead of a distribution of advances like on Earth created an entire society reliant on each individual member. In the event of crisis, ponies went to the one pony that could solve their problems and if they were unable to help, panic ensued. Most humans had cell phones, knew who to call in an emergency. This was what Dan was trying to teach the ponies; to use their own unique gifts even if they weren't the most gifted.

Equestria's focus on cooperation had created what Earth was lacking: common sense. Unfortunately, it came with the price of a herd mentality that Dan was fighting to break them out of. Even if he had to demonstrate it himself.

Little did he know, there was another pony trying to do something similar, somepony just as frustrated with things in Equestria as Dan. In fact, more so.

---

Vice Grip smacked the side of the monitor with his gauntlet, trying to 'manually' get a better picture. The Spritebots were only in their prototype phase and still had some kinks to work out. They weren't even ready to start relaying patriotic music yet, let alone be modified to carry lasers. Not only that, they weren't stealthy so Vice was doing his best to keep it out of Dan's sight until he was ready. Still, he wanted to see how well Lightning Claw took care of things even if he couldn't hear it.

"Having trouble?" a voice asked.

"Gah!" Vice gasped. He turned to see the cloaked figure of the Director standing in the doorway. "I... sorry, I was just having a little reception trouble."

"Okay," the figure said in a casual tone. Since having met the being calling itself the 'Director' years ago, they had never shown their face. They always appeared the same way, wearing that same black cloak pulled down just enough so their face was obscured... if they even had a face. He watched as the figure walked or rather seemed to glide over the floor to him. "Mind if I join you?"

"N-not at all," Vice said, trying to hide his unease. The figure, originally appearing to be on all fours pulled back, the sleeves came together at the ends in a monk-like stance and it stood, the skirt of the cloak falling to the floor. It leaned forward next to him to look at the monitor.

Vice Grip had to admit that without the Director's help, his plans wouldn't have stood a chance. Fighting alicorns was one thing but possibly starting a war with another planet, that was something he wasn't prepared for. Not yet and without the Director's help, he wouldn't be.

The Director seemed to know a lot about Earth, even had several books on the subject. But when the creature had appeared to him shortly after the day of that trial, the Director claimed that both the arcanists and the humans had to be taken care of simultaneously. And that meant careful planning.

With an army of Metal Dogs, the same clan of ore hounds that had taken him in all those years ago, Vice had built much. The Director's resources seemed to be unlimited; whenever there was a problem, it seemed they had a solution. But the solutions didn't seem to be coming from Equestria so Vice naturally assumed that the Director had to be from Earth. Two individuals scorned by their homes, united by a common purpose to exact revenge on both. They were allies... more or less.

Most of the time, the Director remained at the deepest part of the mines nearby at the Prosperity Mountains. Stable 5 had been built under the railway station at the foot of the mountains, access to the mining facility was only a few steps away. The mines themselves hadn't provided ore in years; they were now the massive factories and complexes of Vice Grip's organization, F.I.S.T. Deep within the mountain, weapons and armor were created, researched and tested alongside Operation: KING ME- the production of Magic Gear.

Originally, Vice Grip had intended to use Magic Gear to just attack and conquer Equestria but now, on the Director's advice, he switched strategies. With Flim and Flam, they were distributing the Gears to every major population center in the world. Soon, when the time was right, they would initiate phase 2 of their plan. And Vice Grip would be king. Supposedly.

The mysterious puppeteer scanned the console. "You're keeping tabs on Dan?" the Director asked.

"I am, yes," Vice admitted. "I just sent Lightning Claw after him and the others."

The hooded figure suddenly turned to him. "I thought I told you not to interfere with the humans."

The move was so sudden, Vice took a step back. The room felt as if it just dropped fifteen degrees temperature. But the move had another effect, something that made Vice's stomach knot.

A muzzle protruded from the hood along with a lock of hair. Both were pale white, sickly-pale white. The hair itself was long, thin. It was almost luminescent on its own. Vice found himself unable to speak at the site of this knew development. The muzzle itself looked like nothing he'd seen before but not quite corpse-like. Beyond discordant and yet, animate. And it was that of a mare's.

"I instructed you specifically not to bother the humans after what happened with Nick," the Director said. The right sleeve rose to its head. Protruding from it though, to Vice Grip's shock, was not a pale hoof to match the female muzzle but long, thin, fingers. Black fingers, almost as black as the hood ending in pale nails. It pulled down the hood to obscure the face once again.

"I... I... uh," Vice stammered.

"Hey, it's all right," the Director stopped him. Their... her voice was calm, still friendly. Her voice had a strange liquid-y quality to it but the tone conveyed a calm manner. It still creeped the shit out of Vice Grip.

"D-Dan was messing with our distribution system, harassing Flim and Flam," Vice said, regaining his composure.

"We still have the other delivery systems, don't we?" she asked. The figure turned back to the monitor.

"We do," Vice replied, "but we require all of them to initiate phase 2 so any problems with Flim and Flam could disrupt things."

"Okay, so you sent Lightning Claw out there to stop him?"

"Yes and I made it clear I wanted him apprehended," Vice turned his own attention back to the display.

"Cool," the Director remarked. "Ya know, Dan's probably gonna kick his butt."

"I... wouldn't be so sure," Vice said. He was troubled by his compatriot's lack of confidence but maybe she did know more than him about humans.

"I would," the Director responded casually, still staring at the screen. "There's a reason I told you not to disturb them."

"And that is?" Vice was beginning to get annoyed. If she knew something he didn't know, he wanted her to fess up. "They can't use magic, they have no environmental powers, no innate strengths-"

"That's all true," the Director said, still focused on the screen. "We aren't born with anything extraordinary. But we can become extraordinary if the right circumstances arise. You make any mistake with humans, Vice, and it can be fatal. Everything you do, they learn from. This isn't like fighting Celestia where you control how the game is played. Humans often change the rules."

"What does that even mean?" Vice demanded, angry.

The Director turned to him again and pulled back the hood. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And sometimes, stranger. Heheh."

Vice Grip could only stare at the white-haired... thing as it chuckled. "Wha... what are you?"

"I'm like you, Vice; I'm whatever I want to be," he stepped closer to him, something glinting in his eyes. "I'm a brony."

---

The Spritebot fluttered and jittered as the controls for it shook violently. Something was happening in the command center at Stable 5 for it to be acting so erratically, but Dan still didn't even know it was there. Still, the machine conveyed the scuffle that was going on at its control suite in Vice's office until something hit the off switch and the spritebot deactivated. It hit the ground like a stone, finally giving away its presence.

Dan looked over his shoulder after hearing the noise. It's the forest; there are going to be random noises, oddly... mechanical-sounding, Fallout 3 SFX-style noises that seemingly come from nowhere. Those things happened. He went back to playing Fighting is Mobile, the portable Fighting is Magic on his cell phone, unaware that he was no longer being watched. By a robot, anyway.

Lightning Claw was a fast Pegasus even before his accident but after his experiment, he could nearly go supersonic. It hadn't taken him long after he'd had a private chat with the Director before he'd reached Dan's location. He soared over the Everfree, finally reaching the human's position.

There were a few ways Lightning Claw could get the drop on Dan. He could tell the human was on his cell phone and clearly not paying attention to his surroundings. Not a clever thing to do in the forest. Lightning could easily take out the biped from the back, knock him out and drag him back to Stable 5. Which is what Vice Grip would want... but not the Director.

Dan looked up from his game every now and then to check his surroundings. Despite his appearance, he was still alert in case Flim and Flam got the drop on him. The second time he looked up though, he saw that he wasn't alone in the clearing. A stallion had apparently landed in front of him without him noticing, a strange indigo pony with pink markings like paint on his hooves, face and body. Obviously, some kind of sports fan, Dan thought.

"Hello, Dan," Lightning Claw greeted him.

A sports fan that somehow knew his name. "Hello," Dan put away his phone. "Who are you?" he asked, skeptical of the stranger.

The stranger smiled. "My name is Lightning Claw."

Experimental "Pegamagnus" Neo Pony

Lightning Claw
The Electric Bulwark

"How do you know my name?" Dan stood. Something about this pony seemed off like the horn on his head being broken. An alicorn with a broken horn? That could happen? Maybe he shouldn't have been so hard on Twilight for not teleporting...

"I know a lot about you, Dan. You're from Northern California, you currently live in Twilight's library and just recently you were appointed as the first captain of the Harmony Guard, Princess Twilight Sparkle's own security force. Heh, like she needed one."

"And what's it to you?" Dan demanded. The hostility between them could be felt in the air. "You've been spying on me?! Spying on my friends?!!"

"Not me," Claw said, still grinning. "Mutual friends, you could say. Friends that are very interested in you and the future of Equestria."

"You can tell your friends if they want something, they know where to find me," Dan dared.

"You can tell them yourself," Claw stepped forward. "You're coming with me."

Dan's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "You don't want to screw with me, pal; I'll nail you to a tree."

Lightning Claw's wings crackled with electricity. He spread them wide as energy surged throughout his feathers. Bands of radiating lightning climbed his legs, pulsing around his hooves. "I don't think you want to try taking me down, Dan. You might find the results... shocking."

Before Dan could say anything back, Lightning Claw's wings exploded in a flash of light. Dan was blinded, but before he could even raise his arm to cover his eyes, Claw was on top of him. The stallion smacked him in the face with an electrically-charged hoof. It cracked like lightning against Dan's jaw, knocking him back. Before Dan could recover, Claw delivered a surging jab to his stomach, then spun around and bucked him with his back legs. Dan went flying between a pair of trees.

"Well, that was easy," Lightning Claw remarked, panting slightly. Such a display of his magic, even a quick one, left him a bit drained but he would regain energy quickly. He walked over to where his quarry had been flung.

Claw approached the pair of trees. "You weren't so tough. Hard to believe you actually took out Magic Gear RO-"

Dan's hand reached out from the underbrush to choke Claw. Before the stallion could react, Dan was lifting him off his hooves, crushing his windpipe. His front hooves grabbed for the fingers wrapped tightly around his neck as they squeezed, his legs and tail dangling as Dan hoisted him off the ground.

The young man himself was smiling. Face reddened and bruised, skin charred, Dan also breathed heavily as he lifted the stranger in front of him. Pulling Claw closer, Dan balled his right fist and punched the indigo Pegasus in the face and used the momentum to pin him to the tree next to him.

Lightning Claw tasted blood. Shocked, he could only stare as he felt his back pressed up against the back behind him. "Now, like I just told you," Dan cocked his right arm. "Nail you to a tree."

Instinctively, Claw wrapped his wings around the tree and unleashed his electricity. Blue sparks climbed the length of the tree and ignited the leaves, turning the tree into a torch. Dan released Lighting Claw before the tree exploded into cinders, bits of burnt wood flew everywhere.

Released, Lightning Claw rubbed his hooves together to generate a little static friction and regain his electricity. Sparks flew off his hooves as he looked around. He spotted Dan getting up just a few meters away. "Not bad..." he panted. "You sure can take a hit or two."

"Actually," Dan wiped the dirt off his face, "I'm pretty resistant to electricity after getting zapped so many times."

Claw's eyes went wide. "Oh..." he dropped his hooves.

Smiling, Dan advanced on him. "Guess your friends forgot to mention that."

Thinking fast, Lightning Claw clapped his wings together and emitted a bright flash. Dan covered his eyes and braced for an attack but none came. He looked around, scanning for his opponent but the Pegasus had vanished.

A hum filled the air and without warning, a giant lightning bolt struck a tree nearby Dan. Like the other, it was instantly destroyed, turned into burnt sticks in a flash. Dan looked up to see Lightning Claw had taken to the sky.

Lightning Claw was smart. Clearly, the human had experience in close range combat but he didn't have wings. He decided to keep the fight at a distance by taking to the air and keeping away from the trees in case Dan tried to climb to his height. Rubbing his hooves and spinning his tail, he channeled more electricity from the atmosphere into a lightning bolt and unleashed it from his broken horn. It wasn't as accurate as it would've been if he had total control of his magic but he didn't need to be accurate to fry Dan to a crisp.

The bolt struck another tree next to Dan. Heart racing, Dan turned and bolted himself before another ray zapped a bush nearby. But Lightning Claw had him zeroed in. He ran through the underbrush, now doing his best just to try to get away, hoping for something.

High above the forest, Lightning Claw was able to recharge himself with ions in the atmosphere. His magic replenished, he rained down destruction on trees, logs, bushes and anything else near Dan as the human raced through the jungle to avoid him. He would tire Dan out eventually.

Dan nearly tripped several times, running for his life. Electric resistance or not, a bolt of lightning was more than he could take at this point. He wasn't Derpy Hooves. He broke through vines, stumbled over roots and did everything he could just to keep running. There had to be a way out of this, something. He didn't look back; he just ran and tried to plan even as he fled.

Two bolts of lightning struck the trees ahead of him one after the other. Burning leaves peppered him and he was forced to change direction. He turned around and ran back for the clearing, nowhere else he could run.

Zeus? Odin? Amatures compared to the way Lightning Claw hurled lightning bolt after lightning bolt at the frightened human. This was pathetic. The biped ran like a scared animal, helpless before the awesome might of a single, slightly augmented Pegasus. He grinned. It was almost too fun to blast Dan.

Finally, Dan made it back to the clearing. He searched the ground, searched the sky, looked for anything that could help him. Dan's eyes caught Lightning Claw, grinning at him from high above, out of his reach.

"This has been fun, Dan," Claw yelled down to him, charging up another attack. "I hope Vice Grip doesn't mind if you're a bit blackened." He unleashed another bolt aimed directly at Dan.

Dan almost jumped behind the log before he saw something next to it. His cane, wrapped in metal. But metal conducted electricity, how would that help him? He didn't know what else to do; he lunged for it, grabbed it right off the ground and flung it into the air.

Lightning Claw watched his bolt arc towards the cane instead of its target. Dan had bought himself a few seconds, nothing more. He rubbed his hooves together again, readying another blast. Lightning might as well have been in a weather armory.

Dan ran for the cane, his only defense. Maybe if he kept tossing it through the air... or even tossed it back at Lightning, he could knock him out somehow? He was still alive so he had to keep trying something. Dan reached down to pick up the cane when he saw the horseshoes on the handle glowing. They were Granny Smith's horseshoes. Somehow, they had absorbed the lightning.

He picked up the cane, looking at the glowing handle. Gripping the handle, he hit the extension button and it unleashed a concentrated bolt of electricity from the end. The lightning beam blasted a hole through a rock nearby, causing it to explode and crumble. Dan smiled again.

Lightning Claw's jaw dropped. He stopped charging his hooves, stunned. Had that cane been a laser this whole time?

"We've tested my resistance to electricity," Dan aimed the cane like a rifle at the Pegasus. "Let's see how you hold up."

There was nowhere for him to take cover. Lightning Claw watched as the cane turned red and aimed right at him. "I, maybe..."

"I have a forecast for you, Mr. Lightning," Dan closed one eye. "You're in for a 100% chance of pain."

"DAN!"

The shout startled Dan just enough that it through off his aim by a degree. A concentrated blast of electricity flew right past Claw, only singing the edges of his feathers and mane.

Dan turned around to see Apple Bloom and Flim and Flam running up the path at him. "What the hay are you doing, Dan?" the filly asked him.

"Apple Bloom! You're just in time!" Dan ran over to her. "That Pegasus up there is trying to kidnap me!"

"Kidnap you?" Apple Bloom asked. "What Pegasus?"

Dan turned back to the sky. Lightning Claw was gone. Around him, burnt trees, rocks, bushes and a trail of ash and destruction lead from the clearing deeper into the forest. He looked at the cane on the ground... and then back to Apple Bloom.

"This isn't what it looks like," Dan said, already defensive. "I'm telling you, there was a Pegasus here trying to kill me! He wanted to abduct me, take me to this stable or something, honest!"

Apple Bloom wasn't exactly convinced. "And where did all these fires come from?"

"He had lightning! He was hurling lightning bolts at me and they torched the trees! I ran for my life and then I remembered my cane back here so I ran to grab it!"

"A Pegasus throwing lightning?" Flam asked.

"But there aren't any clouds in the sky," Flim pointed out.

Dan looked back up. As they said, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Pegasi could spawn lightning bolts but they did that from clouds... and there were none above them. So how had that Pegasus caused all this?

"Wait, the cane!" Dan ran and picked up his weapon. "I used this to beat him! I caught his lightning with this and flung it back at him!"

Apple Bloom walked over and examined the walking stick. "Are those Granny Smith's horseshoes?"

"Yes!" Dan said. "They absorbed the lightning somehow and I was able to shoot it back at him! Nearly got him, too if you hadn't thrown off my aim at the last second."

"Uh huh," the filly tapped the shoes. "Well, Granny Smith's horseshoes are resistant to electricity. She has 'em specially made to harvest zap apples. But I'm not sure about them shooting lightning or anything."

"Here, let me show you," Dan aimed the cane. "All right... here it goes!" he hit the button. Nothing happened. "But... but they were charged just a minute ago!"

Apple Bloom put a hoof on the cane, encouraging him to lower it. "Look Dan, I'm not sayin' that what you're sayin' didn't happen but..."

"The Everfree Forest is a dangerous place, my boy," Flam slapped Dan on the back.

"It's not a place for sport hunting alone, that's for sure," Flim added.

"But I'm telling the truth..." Dan pouted. "How else would all these trees have gotten burnt?"

Apple Bloom turned back to him. "How much dynamite do you have leftover?"

"I..."

"And does Granny Smith know you took her cane?"

"Well, I-"

"And her shoes?"

Dan balled his fists. "ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GO FIND THAT PEGASUS! I'LL GET HIM TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU SKEPTICS! I DON'T CARE IF TAKES ALL NIGHT!" he stormed off.

"Wait Dan," Apple Bloom stopped him. "We still have to do something about these fires."

Flim had a hoof to his chin. "You know what, don't worry about it."

Both Dan and Apple Bloom turned to the unicorns. "What?"

"Don't worry about some random Pegasus or whatever happened here. We'll take care of it," Flam said.

"But what about him trying to kidnap me? And blowing up everything? And-"

Flim stopped Dan. "Look, the Everfree Forest is a dangerous place. Things happen! It was probably all a misunderstanding. I think we've all had a few of those in the past few hours, haven't we?"

Dan folded his arms. They were right, unfortunately.

"It was probably just some disgruntled chap who got lost in the jungle," Flam added. "We'll take care of cleaning up the trail with our Flim Flam Gear. You two head home and we won't worry about any of this mess any longer."

"But wait," Dan stopped him, "what's the deal with you selling Magic Gear?"

"Flim Flam Gear," Flam corrected him.

"Whatever."

"Whatever do you mean, what is our deal?" Flim asked.

Dan approached the pair. "It's a giant robot. That nearly nuked Ponyville and nearly destroyed Equestria. And you're just going to let anypony have them for free?"

The two brothers glanced at each other. "Of course not!"

Apple Bloom and Dan's expressions turned to that of surprise. "You're not?"

"Why no, they're two-hundred bits a month to rent!" Flam chuckled.

The filly and human frowned. "All right... all right," Dan said with a sigh, "but what's your angle? How are you both scamming ponies this time? Are they going to go on a rampage and destroy things, self-destruct after a single use, how are you making money?"

"Ah, well, since you asked," the brothers held each other tightly. "We're planning on releasing software updates in the coming years!"

Dan facepalmed. "I should've known..."

"Yes, new upgrades that all the ponies will want to buy to customize and complete their very own unique Flim Flam Gears!"

"Uh huh," Dan thought, "But what's stopping me from telling everypony, including Applejack, who everypony KNOWS is the most honest mare in Equestria and letting your customers know what you're planning on doing?"

"When they do that, it's likely they'll cancel all those subscriptions... even the free trials," Apple Bloom added with a giggle.

The brothers looked at each other again, this time glum. "Tell you what, Dan, how about we clean up this mess for you and forget this ever happened?"

"When Twilight's free trial is over, you don't come bothering us again with some random sale. If Twilight wants to renew, she comes to you, got it?" Dan asked.

Flim and Flam nodded. "It's a deal."

The three ponies and one human shook hooves and hand and departed. With Flim Flam Gear's various attachments and reconstruction tools and fluids, the fires were extinguished and the debris cleared. Dan and Apple Bloom continued walking back to Ponyville as the sun set.

"Well, I was right," Dan declared. "Those two were trying to scam everypony..."

"Indeed ya did," Apple Bloom remarked.

"I know, I was there," Dan smiled to himself.

"Yeah... and yet your friends and Granny Smith still have giant robots parked outside their houses."

Dan's smile turned into a frown. Despite finally uncovering Flim and Flam's plans, it didn't change the fact his friends had fallen for it. They were still subscribed to one week of free Flim Flam Gear... whatever that meant. Apple Bloom had managed to put things into perspective for him.

"But I was right..." Dan said to himself. "I knew they were trying to screw us over and they were. I knew better but none of them listened to me."

"I know how that is," Apple Bloom said. "I'm young. Sometimes, even when I do know better than the adults, they don't listen and keep going on, doing what they're doing. It's tough."

"I could say the same thing," Dan remarked, achingly frustrated. "How can you convince someone when you know better?"

The filly shrugged. "Ya can't always convince 'em. Sometimes, ya just gotta hope for the best and prepare for the worst. And be supportive, that helps, too."

"I guess so," Dan replied to the wise pony.

---

The two of them finally arrived back in Ponyville, back to the Golden Oaks library to see Twilight, Chrys, Fluffle and the others, even Applejack and Granny Smith. As Dan and Apple Bloom approached, the group descended from the Flim Flam Gear to see them.

"Dan!" Twilight shouted, galloping towards him.

"It's good to see you back, Dan!" Chrys said, both mares tackling and hugging him. He hugged them both back as Fluffle Puff came up to give him a tongue bath.

"Hey guys, yes, we're back," Dan said to the group. Apple Bloom ran up to hug her sister and grandmother, them happy to be together as well.

"I'm... sorry about what happened earlier, Dan," Twilight said.

"We kind of got worried about you, all of us," Chrys said. "We were concerned that you were upset when you left."

"I was," Dan replied, happy. "But everything's fine now. How are the repairs on the library?"

"They're going great!" Chrys replied.

"Yeah," Twilight agreed, "thanks to Flim Flam Gear, we've actually had a lot of fun rebuilding the structure, reinforcing everything."

"And there haven't been any problems from the machine itself? No issues with the controls or evidence of Flim and Flam scamming us?"

"Nnnnope," Twilight answered. "I know what you're thinking Dan; it's Flim and Flam, it's some obvious, zany booby-trap or a way for them to sabotage us and we'll wind up-"

Dan held up a hand to stop her. "Twilight, it's okay. I'm not upset any more. I understand your decision and respect it even if I disagree with it," he informed her calmly.

Everypony, even Granny Smith who hadn't interacted much with Dan was surprised. "You're... you're not mad?" Twilight asked.

"No, no I'm not," Dan said.

She smiled. They all smiled. "Thank you... I appreciate that, Dan."

"Wow... what happened in that forest?" Chrys asked, astonished.

Dan looked over to Apple Bloom. The filly stared back at him wide-eyed. "You don't want to know," he said back to her. "Now, let's get started on the inside, shall we?"

"Yeah!" they all agreed and cheered. Surrounded by a crowd of ponies and one dragon, his best friends, Dan had the most content of expressions as he reached out to open the door to the Golden Oaks library. He grabbed the doorknob and pulled. It came off in his hand.

"What?" the group looked over his shoulder. The other end of the doorknob fell off inside. Suddenly, the entire library began to shake. The foundation rumbled, newly-laid boards snapped like twigs.

"RUN! RUN!" Dan shouted. The ponies and bipeds dashed for cover. The library teetered and fell, collapsing on the Flim Flam Gear nearby and destroying it.

"What?! No... no!!!" Twilight yelled.

"All that work..." Chrys sobbed.

"MY SHRINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Spike screamed.

Owlowicious took flight from the once-again wrecked library, dust and leaves finally setting as it rested. Twilight, mortified, watched in despair as their home once again was destroyed. "What... what happened? How did this happen?"

As if on cue, Fluffle Puff ran up to Dan with a piece of paper attached to her forehead. Dan removed it, flipped it right-side up and read it quickly. "Well, it looks like a piece of the instruction manual. Says here that only Flim Flam-approved materials can be used in reconstruction. All others degrade rapidly when used by Flim Flam Gear."

Blushing, Twilight realized immediately the mistake she'd made. Slowly, she turned to face Dan. "All right, Dan, I know what you're going to say, but all I wan-"

"Twilight," he held up a hand again. "I'm not going to say anything," he responded, perfectly calm.

Twilight shyly continued, skeptical and curious. "You're... you're not going to say I told you so?"

The young man scratched his chin, thinking for a moment. "Nah. We've got work to do," he said, walking to the house as the others began once again clearing the refuse. "But one thing, Twilight."

"Yes, Dan?" Twilight turned to him again.

"Next time you're thinking of buying something that might wreck the house, you consult me first," Dan decreed.

Twilight smiled as she and the others got back to work. "It's a deal."

---

Next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship...

"I DIDN'T ORDER THIS! I DIDN'T ORDER ANY OF THIS!"

"I just don't know what went-"

"Don't. Just... just don't say it."

It's an unexpected delivery on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!

"Do you even know what it means to deliver mail?"

"Yes, it means not to deliver muffins. I have a separate bag for those! You want on-"

"GRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNGRRRRRRR!!!"

Next Saturday, Dan goes postal!

"Sir, you're going to have to stand in the other line if you're trying to mail a package."

"What if you're trying to mail a really annoying pony?"

Signed, sealed and shipped directly to you, it's Dan Vs. Derpy Hooves next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!

"There needs to be a stamp on this. Punching it does not help sir."

Only on FIMFiction.net

---

After helping Dan and the others clean up Twilight's house, Apple Bloom joined Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo at Sugar Cube Corner.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders brownies yay!" the three fillies shouted triumphantly. Using a pair of heat-resistant pads, Sweetie and Scootaloo removed a large tray of treats from the oven.

Apple Bloom took a large whiff of the confections. "Mmmm, they smell delicious, girls!"

"I can't wait to try one!" Scootaloo remarked.

"Let's go help the others while we wait for them to cool off!" Sweetie Belle suggested.

"Good idea!" the others agreed. Together, the three fillies exited the kitchen, leaving a hot stove and brownies behind.

"Woah, hold on there!" a stallion stopped them.

"Huh?" the three turned to see Pony Joe entering the kitchen from the other side. "Hey Pony Joe, what's up?" Scootaloo asked.

"I'll tell ya what's up," Joe replied, "and that's the temperature on this oven. It's still hot! And it's still on!"

The three ponies gasped. "We forgot to turn the oven off!"

"That's right," Pony Joe said. He walked over and carefully turned down the knobs on the stove, switching them off. "Before you're done cooking, you should always make sure you've turned everything off. Otherwise, you might wind up cooking something you didn't want to!"

The three girls entered the kitchen again. "Thanks Pony Joe. Now we know."

Pony Joe chuckled. "And knowing is half the batter!"

G.I. PONY JOE
A REAL EQUESTRIAN HERO

---

Everfree Forest, Public Camp Site B

Flim set up the holoprojector, making sure all the attachments were plugged in and then switched it on. After a few moments, the image of Vice Grip appeared as it had before.

"Status report?"

"We've finished with the deliveries, Mr. Vice Grip," Flam said, removing his hat.

Flim did the same. "The last one's been loaded onto a train and is en route to its destination.'

Vice smiled. "Good, good! Gentlecolts, I'm very happy with you. Thanks to you both, Equestria is well on its way to being a better place."

The two brothers smiled, happy to have done their part.

"That's right, both of you will be able to head over to your assigned Stable shortly," Vice continued. His image fluttered as he manipulated the controls on his terminal in Stable 5. "We're just about ready to start phase 2."

"Thank you, Mr. Vice Grip!" Flam said.

"It's really remarkable, boys," Vice said to them. "How exactly were you able to convince fifty different settlements to buy Magic Gear?"

"Nothing short of our marketing genius," Flim explained. "We're allowing our customers a free week's trial of Flim Flam Gear before they decide to buy."

"Also," Flam began, "we did have to make a few modifications, mostly minor things."

The image of Vice Grip frowned. Slowly, he turned to both of them. "Modifications?"

"Customizations," Flim clarified. "To ensure that each settlement accepted our offer, we had to customize each one to suit the individuals' needs."

"Always know who you're selling to," Flam added.

Vice pinched his temple. "What kind of modifications?"

Flam stepped forward. "Well, for starters, we had to cut down the cost on manufacturing each one. So we used our own supplies rather than what you delivered."

"But not to worry. We were able to make sure each one can do its job and now it's tailor-made for each individual pony who purchases one," Flim added.

Back at Stable 5, Vice Grip keyed in different commands to his console. He tried to access the Magic Gear network but the terminal kept saying that no such network existed. Instead, there was something called the Flim Flam Network. Out of curiosity, he clicked it. Instantly, his monitor was filled with pop-up ads. He turned back to the holoprojector transmitter and looked at both of the brothers.

"Do you... have ANY idea what you've both done?"

"Yes!" Flam said. "We've made a lot of money."

"And we've saved a lot by using our own materials rather than yours. Your own supplies, we happily sold to various junk dealers. We knew you wouldn't mind as long as the job was done," Flim said.

Vice felt his blood boiling. "You... YOU IDIOTS! YOU INCOMPETENT CARNIE IDIOTS!" he screamed at the image, slamming his gauntlets on the monitor.

Flim and Flam held each other, frightened. "I... uh, I take it you're not happy?"

"You... you morons have ruined EVERYTHING! Without the Magic Gear Network... without the PROPER MATERIALS, MAGIC GEAR WON'T FUNCTION! THEY'RE USELESS! YOU GOAT-DAMNED FOOLS!"

"So... umm... when do you think we can move into our Stable?" Flam asked.

Vice laughed, then immediately went back to anger. "Oh, I'll send somepony to take care of that very, VERY soon."

"I'm sorry, what's that?" Flam asked.

"I'm afraid you're breaking up, Mr. Vice, but it's been a pleasure working for you!"

The two brothers used their magic to tamper with the holoprojector, making it go out of focus.

"This-n't -er. I'-" the image of Vice flickered.

"I'm afraid we'll have to decline that offer, Mr. Grip but it's been a profitable venture!"

"We'll see you!" Flam cut the monitor's power and it turned off.

Vice watched as the image turned off, cut from the source. He balled his metal fingers into two fists and slammed them on his desk. Then suddenly, he raised them again and shouted, "FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!!!"

In the other office, the Director giggled.

Flim and Flam spent a quiet moment contemplating what they'd just done. "Perhaps we... shouldn't have tried to screw over that one," Flim remarked.

"Perhaps indeed, brother," Flam agreed.

Flim turned to his brother, worried. "What should we do now?" Neither of them had the answer.

(Looks like karma's finally caught up to these two.)"I think you both might want to consider a different profession."

The two brothers turned to see a tall biped, another human walking towards them from the woods. "And who might you be?"

"I'm Phoenix Wright, a defense attorney," the man introduced himself.

"Defense attorney?" the pair asked.

"Yes and I've been keeping track of the current products you two have been selling," he explained. "They've been causing a lot of accidents, not to mention the safety violations and lack of insurance."

Flim and Flam started sweating. In their haste, they hadn't exactly inspected their modified Flim Flam Gears before selling them. A massive oversight.

"And... umm... what are you going to do about that?" Flam asked.

"Well gentlecolts," Phoenix touched his chin, "it seems like you both could use some legal consultation, maybe even someone to represent you."

They nodded emphatically. "Yes, yes that would definitely help!"

(Of course it would.)"I know," Phoenix said. "but I don't normally handle personal injury, destruction of property or false advertising cases. However, I'd be happy to provide consultation if you both do something for me."

"And what would that be?" Flam asked.

"Your employer gave you the original schematics to his inventions, the Magic Gears. I'd like a copy of the unmodified design as well as anything relating to F.I.S.T," Phoenix said.

The two brothers took only a split second to consider it. "It's a deal, Mr. Phoenix."

(I think this might be the first legitimate business decision these two have ever made.)

Comments

[Awesomedude17]

"Flim and Flam?"
"More like useless door-to-door salesmen who can't learn personal space."

[ShadowBrony]

Whoa, keep forgetting that Twilight's house is still intact. (Mostly.) When I started reading, my mind was still locked on what happened to it in the show-verse. Feels weird now trying to imagine its still there now in this universe.

Knowing you, you probably are going to make a song involving the Flim Flam Brothers... And I can't wait to see it!

[jifijesijiwofjwo]

" tainted energon" at first I thought it said "tainted ESTROGEN"
Dirty, dirty mind..... XD

[Barrobroadcaster]

4547808 I just can't believe I got through an entire episode without breaking the 4th wall. It was... not easy. I had them fight a giant robot filly. I had so many, many opportunities for them to break the 4th wall. It was right there... but no, I didn't take any of them. I had an idea for the giant sweetiebot to put on a hat, grab a cane and start dancing.

Oh well. We haven't seen the last of Magic Gear. Vice Grip has big plans but the next few episodes are going to focus more on things with Dan and the others in Ponyville. Dan Vs. Derpy, Dan Vs. The Supermarket, Dan Vs. Spa Day, Dan Vs. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Dan Vs. StopGame(aka Dan Vs. Buttonmash).

So there's going to be a lot more fun involved for Dan in the gang and quite and somewhere in the middle of the season Dan Vs. An Ace Attorney. I've got my work cut out for me. But thank you as always for enjoying, my friend. You're an inspiration and this story will always be partly yours.

[Barrobroadcaster]

4548006 Then he'd be lord Fematron.

[ShadowBrony]

4548131 Nah, your the amazing writer. I'm just the guy who stands back and says whether its good or not. But I am always glad to help.

[MariusIoannesP]

4548131

Dan Vs. The Cutie Mark Crusaders

Dan Vs. The Cutie Mark Crusaders! There will be no survivors.

[MariusIoannesP]

And now, we join the Decepticons at Burger King.

G1 or Prime. Either way I’m good.

Laserbeak and Rumble busied themselves by playing with a couple of toys that had come with the meal.

Oh so it is G1.

"You should know by now, Starscream," Megatron said, lowering his fusion cannon at Starscream. "I always have it my way."

So that’s why they’re at Burger King! Quite the return to form on the manic humor front. Are we going to see more Transformers in this story’s future? I’d so love that! I loved Transformers growing up!

Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship now has its own theme song.

"The princesses said there was a ritual I could perform that would change me back into a unicorn," she informed them. "But they said the book that contained the spell had gone missing."
"Missing?" they asked.

Missing. Right. Something tells me Celestia and Luna need Twilight to stay an alicorn until she realizes why she it was her destiny to become an alicorn princess.

Applejack teamed up with Rarity and raised an accusing eyebrow at her friend.

Oh, the eyebrow.

… and I'd be a pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbows all day!

Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing WITH Rainbow...s~.

I remember that video.

Chrys rose her perforated hoof. "Can it transform?"
"Into twenty-five different helpful configurations," Flam proudly answered.

Is that why this episode started with Transformers?

Robotnik: "NO!"

From Sonic The Hedgehog. Where did he come from?

"Where do you keep the dynamite?" his voice came back.

"Dan, we can't go blowin' that monstrosity up just cause we don't agree with it."
"I'm not going to blow up the robot," Dan explained. "The dynamite's for Fim and Flam."

That is so Dan. Reminds me of that time he tried to get vengeance against George Washington by blowing up Mount Vernon.

He took a moment to adjust his bowtie and fake moustache and then walked over to them from around the bend with package in hand. It was a small box wrapped in brown paper with the intended recipient's names on the top: The Flim Flam Brothers. Inside it, however, was a small explosive charge designed for removing tree stumps. Now, Dan was planning on using it to remove Flim and Flam.

The ash faded from his face and arms, his hair returned to its traditional style, the fingers still clutching the pieces of the boxes released them only briefly to better form fists before he threw both arms skyward and shouted to the heavens:
"FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!!!!"

That is so Dan. I've been marathoning Dan Vs. lately since all but two episodes of the series are now available on Starz Media's YouTube channel. Still, you manage to capture much of the manic humor of the show whether you've watched it as in depth as that or not.

… and even crap leftover from the previous generations of MLP that Hasbro couldn't find room for but couldn't get rid of.

Some of that "crap" is pretty cool though.

Inside the tunnel, the tube ran right over a large hole in the ground, at the bottom of which was about five tub's worth of Jelly Stallion's jelly. Dan had originally wanted to use spikes for the trap but Apple Bloom had wisely encouraged him to go with a less-violent substitute.

That is so Dan.

So we got to take a look this time at Vice Grip and these F.I.S.T ponies. So there's a Director. Vice Grip isn't the brains of this operation. And this Lightning Claw has some doubts about all this.

Unfortunately, it came with the price of a herd mentality that Dan was fighting to break them out of.

Herd mentality, because their ponies!

Fighting alicorns was one thing but possibly starting a war with another planet, that was something he wasn't prepared for. Not yet and without the Director's help, he wouldn't be.

The director wants to attack the Earth!

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And sometimes, stranger. Heheh."

A The Dark Knight reference.

"I'm like you, Vice; I'm whatever I want to be," he stepped closer to him, something glinting in his eyes. "I'm a brony."

The Director is a brony. What does that even mean? And is the director male or female?

"Actually," Dan wiped the dirt off his face, "I'm pretty resistant to electricity after getting zapped so many times."

That's like how Dan is also resistant to pepper spray and tear gas. That is so Dan.

The three girls entered the kitchen again. "Thanks Pony Joe. Now we know."
Pony Joe chuckled. "And knowing is half the batter!"

So this episode began with a reference to the old school Transformers and ends with a reference to the old school G.I. Joe and those PSAs they always ended with.

Vice watched as the image turned off, cut from the source. He balled his metal fingers into two fists and slammed them on his desk. Then suddenly, he raised them again and shouted, "FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!!!"

I always found it amusing when Dan Vs. would end with some other dude crying to the heavens as Dan would. That is so Dan Vs..

Quite the return to form when it comes to manic humor in this story. I love it! But yet there has been set the foundation for some rather epic developments, especially with the closer look at the villains of this story. I look forward to what is to come. Keep up the good work.

[Warrior Kitten]

So...

[TheGreatEater]

"Yes, the damage to your domicile has not gone undetected by us our your neighbors," the clean-faced one added.

needs some punctuation mark separating those words.
__________________________

Why, oh why! I still say that Twilight should stay an Alicorn. If for no other reason than it doesn't make any sense for you to remove her Alicornhood. After all, you have two Princesses here in this AU that not only can't work the power of Friendship, but have no checks - balances from building super nukes to release on their populace. With Twilight there, even if she's simply working on being "eased" into the position. It makes more sense.

Anyways. Other than that gripe / question. Good fic so far.

[Barrobroadcaster]

4549590 Yes Flutterbats?

[Fireeaters]

Get rekt flam flim! Raaaaauuuuuugh!!

[Barrobroadcaster]

4550008 Actually that's supposed to be or not our. Spellcheck strikes again.

As for Twilights corniness, I just have to say that I'm not a Twilicorn fan. Just not, sorry but I feel it happened too fast, was too soon and left a lot of unicorn Twilight's potential in the dust. My series is going to undo that.

Will she be an alicorn again in this universe? Maybe, maybe not, time will tell. This is fan fiction- it's about what we want as opposed to just "this is the way it is". I understand the concept of alicorn Twilight, I've listened to the theories and explanations on how and why but it doesn't change the fact that it just didn't feel right to me.

I've also discovered that the creator of Turnabout Storm, my inspiration for becoming a part of this fandom, felt the same way. But neither of us can change what happened on the show; we can only try to do better in our own projects.

The fact that I even had Twilight as an alicorn in the story at first is testament to the fact I've accepted Twilicorn. I even do like her sometimes but I still feel it could have been done better- so that's what I'm trying to do.

I'm not SillyFilly Studios. I'm not Turnabout Storm, I'm not a tumblr artist, I can't make comics or animate. Like many, I can't even draw. I don't have the resources, the talent or the time to make this story like the other fantastic productions. So I do what I can; I write and wait. One day, I'll find someone with what I lack and together we'll turn this into a real show that will rival that of both Dan Vs. and Friendship is Magic.

I can't do what they do, not yet. Until the day comes, I do what I can. And I try to do better.

[TheGreatEater]

4563651

Ah! I was thinking she didn't know what possessive verb to use. But lol, or makes more sense. Thank you all mighty spell check, and I am grateful that you don't take after your brother auto-correct.

As for Twilicorn. I agree that they did it wrong, mostly since what the did should've been a multi-parter, and made no-sense with how it was carried out, the special talents (I mean Dashie's cutie mark being weather management ... seriously?). But the way I've always saw it was that the act of turning Alicorn drastically altered her biology and magics. Since it took the magic of the other Mane 6 and imbibed it into herself, and I don't see a way as to how (other than splitting her magic to her friends again) that she can go back to normal.

But it'll still be an interesting journey, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do. I just didn't really see how it was important to the story, or how it fit in with Dan / the others, or the over all story prior to the last few chapters. It just personally felt like something that was tacked on to tack on. But seeing where you are coming from, I'll see where it goes. After all S1 of MLP:FIM had Unicorn Twilight, and S1 - what not having Unicorn Twilight (then becoming Twilicorn maybe later on) might be interesting.

[Barrobroadcaster]

4563779 Twilight doesn't enjoy being a princess. It wasn't tacked on but it was a bit downplayed until she made the decision. The main differences between this show and FIM is that Dan, Chrys and Fluffle are in it. Them being there has changed a lot and interactions with Dan especially have made her realize a few things.

First and foremost, Celestia was trying to make Twilight into everything Celestia wasn't, trying to mold her into the ruler she could never be. That's all well and good but Twilight is her own mare and being with Dan has made her realize that if she's going to be a part of Equestria, she's going to do it her own way with her friends, all of them.

At this point in the story, she finds herself with too much to juggle, not enough information and not enough communication to continue being a princess. As with the movie, she came to terms with being a princess after the events of Equestria Girls but when she came home to see Dan and the others, it made her realize that although she was okay with it, it still wasn't what she wanted and it wasn't what was best for her friends.

But you may be asking yourself, if I'm planning on turning Twilight back into a unicorn, why haven't I just done that yet? Why haven't I just ripped it off like a bandage and gotten it over with? She's right there. I could've written it so that she returned to unicorn right when Dan got promoted to Captain.

What could I possibly have planned for them? And what is Vice Grip planning on doing with a bunch of giant robots?

[TheGreatEater]

4566190

Yay! Logic! *Gives cookies*

Yeah I see that she didn't really feel deserving of the title. But unlike Celestia who was thrust into ruling because there was noone else after Discord but her and Luna. Equestria has had her for over a thousand years. So there's less threat of instability, and Twilight could be eased into things with the whole "I need to stay with my friends to keep strong the bonds of friendship, and I can't do that while Kragled* to a throne."

As for why you haven't yet, idk. As for the giant robots, I have a few ideas. HEY YO ! Seriously though. Best of luck and I can't wait to see what you do. Your Season 1 finale is going to be interesting when it comes up.

*Krazy Glue [Kragle]

[Barrobroadcaster]

4566672 That's episode 26 and it's going to be a doozy. Pinkie Pie-level doozy. You're going to find out why Dan's in Equestria(directly involves Fluffle Puff), what Dan feels about Chrys, why Vice Grip is building up an army, what Rainbow Dash's secret 'hobby' was in Turnabout Storm, what happened to the rest of the changeling horde, and even why Dan's plane went off course in the pilot over the course of this series.

But the next six episodes at least are going to focus less on giant robots and more on what's going on around Ponyville, each with an important lesson for Dan and the gang and more songs.

[TheGreatEater]

4573091

Awesome. Hopefully things workout with Chrysy and Dan they'd make such a cute couple (and I rarely say that about Human X Pony). As for the doozy, that's one heck of a doozy.

[Serefin]

4566190 Really, my own problem is the concept of there being some form of 'reverse switch' for alicornhood. I don't know why, but major changes to a character like that, no matter what one's opinion on them may be, just shouldn't be undone. No doubt you'll manage to pull it off successfully(after all, you've managed to make the very concept of the story itself work), but this is just my two cents so... *shrug*

ALSO!

we'll turn this into a real show

Noticed this line in one of your comments. Now THERE'S something I'd like to be part of!

[HB_DS2013]

You posted the Magic Gear chapters twice.

[MidnightFMare]

prince BLUeblood...
Blutarch Mann...
BLU team...
it all makes sense... but who would be Redmond Mann?
or grey...Hm...i need to think

[Philosophysics]

4547561 I hate people like that.

They're almost as bad as the christians that invaded my house when I was ten.

[smolbep]

"There needs to be a stamp on this. Punching it does not help sir."

Oh, so he needs to stomp it?

[Dustchu]

At least until he found a flashlight and some random jewelry.

That, is a Dead Rising 2 reference! :D heheheh.

Damn this is good, nice job man! Nice job.

[Random Dude]

"I instructed you specifically not to bother the humans after what happened with Nick," the Director said.

oh so were calling him nick now are we?
that would mean the director probably personally knows nick

"Cool," the Director remarked. "Ya know, Dan's probably gonna kick his butt."

even if shes the bad guy here i like her so far

"We aren't born with anything extraordinary. But we can become extraordinary if the right circumstances arise. You make any mistake with humans, Vice, and it can be fatal. Everything you do, they learn from. This isn't like fighting Celestia where you control how the game is played. Humans often change the rules."

so she is/was human? curiouser and curiouser

"What does that even mean?" Vice demanded, angry.

hey! dont go stealing dans catchphase now

"I'm a brony."

i... was not expecting that

Vice watched as the image turned off, cut from the source. He balled his metal fingers into two fists and slammed them on his desk. Then suddenly, he raised them again and shouted, "FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!!!"

DAMMIT VICE what did i JUST say

(Of course it would.)"I know," Phoenix said. "but I don't normally handle personal injury, destruction of property or false advertising cases. However, I'd be happy to provide consultation if you both do something for me."
"And what would that be?" Flam asked.
"Your employer gave you the original schematics to his inventions, the Magic Gears. I'd like a copy of the unmodified design as well as anything relating to F.I.S.T," Phoenix said.
The two brothers took only a split second to consider it. "It's a deal, Mr. Phoenix."
(I think this might be the first legitimate business decision these two have ever made.)

damn nick is good getting information about the enemy before he even meets up with dan and the main 6 (who know NOTHING about FIST)

[LadyLeomon]

Episode 7 yay! Still loving Dan's awesome theme song

Flufflepuff + bubblegum + x-number of friends stuck to giant bubblegum bubble x Dan's attempt at rescue = hilarity =D

Oy vey Flim and Flam ... a living example of Salesmanship mixed with the perfect amount of annoying and cheesy music! Good to know everyone found out the flaws in the 'fine print' in the end!

I also love Lightning Claw the Pegamagnus! So awesome and cool! Vice Grip is shaping up to be a pretty cool bad guy and the 'Director' is ... awesome! Once again Dan (sort of) saved the day and looked cool doing it!

Episode 8 here I come ^_^

P.S Patrick Stewart as Fluffle's inner voice was the perfect crunch in the sweet-lemon surprise chapter!

[Razzy]

And Flim and Flam actually save the day. Who would've thunk it?

Hmm, if turnaround storm is Canon to this... I wonder if Gilda is free by now.

[kitsune119]

7190268
What is turn aboughtstorm?