Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Rad: Concessions Made

Listen here! There once was a GREAT SHOW that visited town every year. Such a spectacle it was that it drew crowds from near and far. People of all ages brought their friends and their families to see it. What a feat it was, that every year people would anticipate its arrival with great fervor, and the crowd seemed to grow larger every time. People laughed and cheered and felt the MAGIC the show brought to the town, and they were happy.

As the ages past, the stage and its players were forced to CHANGE. While the SPIRIT of the show endured, it did only for a time, until every aspect of the once-great show had become a far cry from its origins. A tragedy to be true, but tis the nature of all things, that all good things must end.

Eventually, the crowds grew smaller and smaller as the MAGIC of the show began to fade. One fateful day, no one came to see the show, and that was the last time it ever played. Now lost to history, it is said that only the show's DIRECTOR remembers the story. The only one left who knows the TRUTH has found it to be a tale too sad to tell.

Listen here! Once, there was a TOWN where a GREAT SHOW came to visit every year! It's said it burned to the ground in the space of a single night. Only its ashes remain. Who could have done such a thing, I wonder?

---

Exhaustion, hunger, general tiredness, these were things Dan allowed himself to feel when he was about to relieve them. Right now, he was about to relieve them.

Dan rapidly approached the concessions stand.

"Hello sir, would you like a- OH MY GOD!"

Dan casually toss-dropped the body of Chris Redfield on top of the concessions vendor. The innocent gentleman behind the counter collapsed under the weight of the larger video game character and was immediately crushed.

"I'm sorry," Cap said to the vendor. Rather than wait for an apology or anything from Dan, the concessions vendor actually demonstrated incredible intelligence by scrambling to his feet and running away. The vendor would not suffer more than having the wind knocked out of him and being a little bit disturbed from the encounter.

"So how'she... how's he been since... I was out?" Phoenix asked. At the lawyer's request, Captain America was still carrying him.

"Pretty much how you'd expect," Cap answered.

Dan popped up from behind the counter. He was busy fixing himself a couple of hot dogs.

Steve stepped up with a slight grin on his face. "Hi, could I get one with mustard and relish?"

"Sure," Dan said, surprisingly. And then, unsurprisingly, Dan turned around and left him standing there.

"I could've told you that would happen," Phoenix said.

"Yeah... me, too."

Dan had three hot dogs, Cap and Phoenix had two each, Chris woke up and made himself some nachos. Chris did not ask where they were or what he was doing dressed up like Wesker.

"It's kind of weird, right?" Captain America said. He held up his last bite of hot dog and looked it over, just as juicy and meaty as any one he had on Earth. "We're stuck in some sort of makeshift, quasi-organized interdimensional underground arena... and they still serve hot dogs, popcorn and soda. Just like at a ballgame on Earth."

Phoenix nodded. "I'm pretty sure they overcharge for them, too. Just like on Earth."

"Heh, probably."

"Yeah, but they don't have slushies," Dan said, sipping from his drink. "They have some kind of weird, liquidy-marshmallowy stuff. It's not bad. Weird, but not bad."

"Kind of like the shakes from Burger King," Chris remarked.

"You mean Burgerphile," Dan corrected.

Chris shook his head. "No, I mean Burger King."

Dan looked over at him. "The fuck is Burger King?"

"It's a fastfood joint. Like McDonald's."

"Or Carl's Jr," Phoenix chimed in. "It's pretty cheap and... and I still can't afford it." Phoenix Wright was a very rare thing for a lawyer to be: an actual decent human being. He cared more about justice than winning cases, he took pride in helping people and seeing truth and justice served. Naturally, he was dirt fucking poor. Dan had more money than him. Maya had more money than him. Detective Dick Gumshoe... actually made the same amount as him. But Edgeworth and Von Karma were loaded. Larry wasn't.

Dan leaned forward. "This a European thing, I take it?"

"No, it's American," Chris answered. "They have 'em all over the place."

"Well how come I've never heard about McDonough's?"

"McDonald's."

"Whatever. Or Burger King. That sounds pretty close to Burgerphile anyway."

"They still have burgers just like at Burgerphile," Cap said.

"Well, can I still get a Classicphile without cheese there?" Dan asked.

"Sure, but they don't call it a Classicphile without cheese."

Dan cocked an eyebrow. "And what do THEY call it?"

"They call it a Whopper^tm. And it doesn't come with cheese, either- that's extra," Cap explained.

"I see, I see," Dan rubbed his chin. "But can you still get Burgerphile battered oil-fried onion circlets?"

"Yeah," Cap nodded, "But they don't call 'em Burgerphile battered oil-fried onion circlets."

"Whadda they call 'em?"

"Onion rings."

"Hmmm," Dan said. "Place that's almost identical to Burgerphile... goes by a different name." He rubbed his chin. From his pocket, he pulled out a blue piece of paper and unfolded it.

"That the new The List^tm," Phoenix asked.

"This is The 'Maybe' List^tm," Dan answered.

Chris leered at him. "So, you're gonna burn down Burger Kings because they "maybe" just Burgerphile by a different name?"

"Actually, no. This list is just for what may have to go on the The List^tm at some point. That's why it's-"

"That's why it's "maybe," I got it."

Phoenix jumped in before the fighting started. "So, what's the plan?" (I'm just assuming he has one but... it's a safe assumption.)

Dan leaned forward. "Twilight's in that tartar place. Tartarsus or something."

"Tartarus?"

"Yeah, that. Along with most everypony else. We saw a bunch of ponies encased in like, blister packs. Wrapped in plastic like toys," Dan explained. "And being sold. Like toys. Your sweaty buddy Writhe N. Payne was involved."

"Payne..." Wright repeated. Not with any malice in his voice, but with the slightest hint of regret, regret that the two men were adversaries.

"I chased him here with Doctor Whooves and Rarity. Also, better news, we found-"

"Rarity!" Phoenix exclaimed. He stood and slammed his hands on the table like it was a court bench. "You actually found her?"

Dan nodded from side to side. "Well, she found us. And saved us. Also, assassins are probably watching us. Right now."

"Assassins?" Cap said, dropping his relaxed, arms-crossed position. "HYDRA?"

"No, not those Nazis, something different," Dan thought, remembering back. "They had some kind of weird name. The Genome-hirogen or someting. And there were ponies among them..."

Phoenix nodded. "We've seen a little evidence of this before. Outside interference."

Dan smirk-scowled. "These guys were creepy, Nicky. Real creepy. And they wanted me to break into Tartarus, too."

"Which you were already planning on doing," Chris said. "Did it ever cross your mind that maybe you might want to work with these people? Even temporarily?"

"It did," Dan admitted. "Briefly. These guys were not the kind of people you want to team up with on any basis, permanent or otherwise. This isn't Survivor, Chris. We don't make alliances with bad guys in Equestria."

"Hmm."

"You have something to add, Stevie?"

Cap leaned back again. "Just that you're speaking for quite a few when you say what we do and don't do in Equestria."

Dan considered his words. "I guess I am. Anyway, the donkeys also have access to Tartarus through their own prison complex. Tartarus' back door, I guess. We're going to get out of here and break into the donkey prison complex of Bursavis, if it's still there. We get Twilight and Chrys and the others, then we find a way to get to the moon."

There was a pause as they all took in the plan. None of them knew exactly all it would entail. When no one said anything else, Dan continued.

"Bursavis is in Donquestria, far to the south in the heart of the Badlands. Train from Appleloosa goes right to it, the only rail line between Equestria and Donquestria. The donkeys and ponies have had an alliance- a real alliance, Chris, for years. Not an alliance of convenience but one based on mutual trust and respect. Most of the time, anyway."

In truth, the donkeys partly maintained their alliance with Equestria out of sheer stubbornness. Unwilling to go back on their on decision, or to be seen as the first party to flinch, the donkeys steadfastly remained trading partners with Equestria through the ages. Gems and food were mostly traded for textiles and ores. The Badlands were rich in silk and stone, while Equestria and the Crystal Empire had plenty of food and precious stones. Trade between the two countries was very good, but the donkeys had maintained it even when it was more profitable to leave and trade with others.

The donkeys were untrustworthy of most others, priding themselves on the security of their nation. Unfortunately, revolutions were common in Donquestria, and many rebel factions refused to negotiate with the leadership. Stubbornness was a quality the vast majority of donkeys held, in many cases as a point of pride.

"New Troy," Dan continued, "is the capital of Donquestria. Railroad leads right into it. But there's a wall in front of it."

"Are we going to take a page from the Greeks, then?" Cap asked. "Or our modern go-to with the pizza delivery guy disguise?"

"Neither of those things are off the table at this point," Dan answered.

"Well," Chris stood, "if we're leaving, I'm going to get more food."

"First idea you've said I agree with," Dan said. A stern look from Chris reminded Dan of something he said he'd at least try to do. "Not the first idea, I mean, but... good idea, Chris."

"Thanks."

They were busy looting the concession stand, and eating while doing so, eat-looting, when Rarity, Doctor Whooves and the Imperials ran by chased by the brainwashed Tuxley.

"Did you just hear that?"

"Hear what?" Dan asked, stuffing hot dogs, nachos and nacho cheese into a bag.

"I just... I thought I heard someone running by here. Just now," Phoenix said.

"Probably not anybody we want to deal with," Dan said.

"Yeah... probably."

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Mind controlled Tuxely races past a Dancession Stand?

Must be Killer Fixated Chicken.

[LadyLeomon]

A new chapter means it’s Sunday once more, and I am gratefully on time this week! Now lemme see n’ere *dons reading glasses*

Redfield conked out but Nicky is no longer evil (squee!), a possible Burgerphile posing as a Burger King (which is impossible if Dan loves Burgerphile cos I personally find BK to be just ick, surely Dan would tell by the taste?) still got Cap, still got Rarity so all okay ... but still no Chryssy and still no Fluffle let them keep Spike just give us Fluffle and Chryssy back!

Now for my favourite quote this week:

Dan leaned forward. "This a European thing, I take it?"

"No, it's American," Chris answered. "They have 'em all over the place."

"Well how come I've never heard about McDonough's?"

"McDonald's."

"Whatever. Or Burger King. That sounds pretty close to Burgerphile anyway."

"They still have burgers just like at Burgerphile," Cap said.

"Well, can I still get a Classicphile without cheese there?" Dan asked.

"Sure, but they don't call it a Classicphile without cheese."

Dan cocked an eyebrow. "And what do THEY call it?"

"They call it a Whopper^tm. And it doesn't come with cheese, either- that's extra," Cap explained.

"I see, I see," Dan rubbed his chin. "But can you still get Burgerphile battered oil-fried onion circlets?"

"Yeah," Cap nodded, "But they don't call 'em Burgerphile battered oil-fried onion circlets."

"Whadda they call 'em?"

"Onion rings."

This whole little scene reminded me of that one Simpson’s scene where Lou was telling Chief Wiggum about his trip to McDonald’s in Shelbyville! If that was your original intention (aside from giving Dan legitimate reason to make something non-living go boom-boom ... dammit I miss Fusey and Powdey!)

[quote20]”Hmmm," Dan said. "Place that's almost identical to Burgerphile... goes by a different name." He rubbed his chin. From his pocket, he pulled out a blue piece of paper and unfolded it.

"That the new The List^tm," Phoenix asked.

"This is The 'Maybe' List^tm," Dan answered.That there even is a “Maybe List^tm” ... I haz a Happy

Feeling better in general this week so am now feeling even better after this newest chapter. Thanks for this newest dose of Dan-sanity and I’ll see you next time!

Your Eternal Fan 🐱

[Dustchu]

I'm so behind on so any stories aaaa

Good show man

[Razzy]

I prefer French style hot dogs myself.